DISCLAIMER:We do not own D N Angel nor the characters, but we ARE responsible for coming up with such nonsense. Don't you just love the odd couples?
SUMMARY:Ever want to be a whore? Ever say to yourself you're not gay? Can't seem to get that insane blonde off you? Then make some love, fight your heart, and scream to your heart's content. Yaoi
WARNING: Deceiving hints from Schizo... OOC AUness... fluff... other stuff Kupo didn't tell me...
Schizo: Well, all right now! Our story we bring to you all... Um... Here:
Chapter one; Staplers
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Satoshi
A dotted line on my left wrist and the words "cut here" underneath it, this is my typical bus ride home. Besides watching, not stalking, watching Daisuke Niwa sit with his girlfriend (who everyone knows has been eyeing Dark Mousy) Risa Harada. It's the same old routine everyday; I practically have it by heart. Daisuke would tell Risa about her day, it was good.
"I had a good day."
Risa would giggle and say some gossip about Hio Mio or her sister, Riku Harada.
"Did you hear? Hio got sick. Over the weekend. It's kind of suspicious, no?"
Daisuke would nod because he agrees with everything Risa says, unless it has to do with academics. It doesn't take a genius to realize Risa isn't good in the academics. Anyways, Risa would flip her hair, laugh a little, and kiss Daisuke on the cheek saying how she loves being with him. Same old, same-
"Um… Daisuke," Risa changed the schedule? ", you know how you wanted me to study with you today?"
"Yeah?"
"Well… I can't." She fiddled with her fingers looking at her feet amazed by it (I was in the seat across from them).
"Oh. Is it a doctor's appointment or something?"
Risa nods in disagreement and said, "No. Daisuke, I… I found someone else."
"What?" I scoot a little closer to the edge of the seat thankful the kid with the cold near the window demanded the seat near the window when he came.
"I'm sorry Daisuke, but we can still be friends, right?" She was using the movie-liners. The feel-good break up liners that never make you feel good, and she was smiling. Daisuke attempted a smile and nodded.
"Yeah… Right. Friends."
The last word hit him as Risa got up from her seat and made her way to her sister, who was currently dating Krad (some guy who claims to say playing drums in the school band is not an identity destroyer) (school band). Krad was sitting in the seat behind Riku, probably knew the break up was today, and elbowed Dark.
The famous Dark Mousy, that wasn't a jock (ha! Like Dark could be a jock), who won the hearts of any girl he desired. Hell, he scored a librarian girl one time. I think because he needed help in biology. The bastard.
Turning back to Daisuke, I sighed telling the kid with the cold behind me that I was going to protect myself from illness and sit with a guy I know. The kid with the cold said he hoped I got hypothermia. Nice.
"Daisuke?" I scooted in the seat keeping my space so he wouldn't be that surprised. He looked up sniffing a bit, "Hm? Satoshi…?"
"I saw what happened."
"You did?" He jumped looking around him, "Oh no! How many other people saw? This is terrible!"
"I know. I'm sorry… but many people-" I glared at those who were watching, "-were watching. Can't believe the bitch broke up with you in public. She didn't even think about doing it in private."
"It wouldn't matter." Daisuke sighed, "Everyone would have found out eventually."
"Yes but-"
"She's with Dark right now, isn't she?"
"Y… Yeah."
"Typical. I should have known Dark would get to her."
"Well," I placed my hand near his on the bus seat, "You'll be all right."
"I don't know. I mean…" He looked at me, "I think… I think I might have loved her."
"You dated her for three weeks."
We sat there. Silent. Until the kid with the cold sneezed and said, "Shit! My algebra is all fucked up now!" It's nice to know our world is full of friendly people.
Daisuke sighed, annoyed with the entire situation and turned to the window. I reached out a hand to grab his shoulder and pull him into a hug when the bus stopped and there rang the raspy voice of the bus driver Ms. Mankovitz (she had the cold), "Haradas, your stop. Move it."
Both Daisuke and I watched Riku and Krad walk out first and finally Risa… with Dark. Dark smiled cockily, placing an arm around Risa and exited the bus with her. Then all eyes turned to our seat. First thing to hear: "I just won twenty bucks! YES!"
"Bastards." I muttered. Daisuke leaned his head back on the bus seat, "I don't care anymore."
Funabashi
First pole of the day, although it was three fifteen in the afternoon, this was our first pole. Keiji Saga, my boss, couldn't concentrate on our mission constantly distracting us towards stores, other people, and those conniving five-year-olds that were simply using Keiji to buy them ice cream when the ice cream man had came. It was my fault in letting Keiji near the children. Children should just never be around Keiji.
So here we were on our first pole to hang up the flyers for our new movie. Auditions were to be made and in order to have auditions, people needed to know. Keiji trailed behind with nothing to do but sing or ramble. He was ranting about plants at one point during our trip to this particular pole. Why was this pole special? Ask Keiji. He's the one who knows. Or at least… should.
Then I realized the pole was metal not wood. Dumbly looking at the stapler in my right hand and the stack of flyers in my left, I growled under my breath. I was not in the mood to have a trip in a limo with Keiji. The last time (five minutes ago) Keiji had remembered an old cliché romance movie and had begun crawling over to me cooing, "Get into the moment, Funi-kun."
"…and that's why ninjas are way better than pirates!"
"We can't put up the flyers, Sir."
"Why not?" He walked around the pole, poked it, and then cocked a head in confusion, "Has the pole insulted you? Did you insult the pole? You shouldn't insult poles. They get revenge. They have mind controlling powers and they make you run into them against your WILL and- wait no. Those are the trees. Precisely why you should hug a tree… like that man we saw in the park! Oh, remember that? What a glorious day that was. You were talking to me; I was ignoring you, and then the Kodak moment of the hugging tree man! Oh… What did you say Funi-kun?"
Why is it that the idiots are always in charge? Oh. Yes. They are the ones who talk rather than the civilized individuals who wait to speak, idiots take action. Action that usually doesn't have any logic in it whatsoever…
"The stapler can't staple through metal." I said.
"Staplers are dangerous, you know." He dug in his pocket and pulled out some duct tape, "You should always have duct tape! For fixing, for taping, for bondage-"
I snatched the red duct tape out of his hands and began taping the flyers onto the pole.
"No Satoshi… I just want to be alone."
"You give off a vibe that you're going to do something to yourself."
"I won't."
"Funi-kun, you-" Keiji looked over to the red-headed boy, "Hey! You match my duct tape!"
"…Huh?" The boy looked over to us as Keiji snatched the tape out of my hands and walked over to the boy. He was on the grass now, collapsed on his knees, and he looked up at Keiji who bent down aligning the tape to some of his hair.
"Yeah. The exact shade of red!" It was then when the blue-haired boy next to the red-head placed a protective arm in front of the boy. That was a wise choice since Keiji isn't exactly someone you'd want to leave your friends alone with.
"Would you like to model for the tape?" Keiji pulled out a piece, "I have a great idea of a photo! You, white screen, covered in tape. Nothing BUT tape. Oh… Perfect!"
I wonder if anyone truly thinks Keiji's ideas are artistic.
"N-No thanks."
"Leave us alone." Keiji then looked over to the blue-haired man and dug a hand in his right pocket only to pull out some other color of duct tape, "You look just like this duct tape!"
"That's pink."
"…What's your point?"
They stared. I'd have run.
Daisuke
"Sir, I don't want to model. Thanks for the offer, but… no."
"Oh, but your hair is so adorable!" The blonde man, who I recognized to be the famous producer Keiji Saga, turned to his secretary, "Right Funabashi-kun!"
"Mr. Saga sir, we should really get on with our flyers."
"Perhaps you'd reconsider?" Keiji turned to me, "We have donuts!"
"No thanks."
"You don't like donuts? Who doesn't like donuts? What have you been DOING with your life? You are degrading your taste buds of the sugary substance! Think of it, you can never be in the police agency now! Do you know what the first test to being a police officer IS? It's a donut eating contest! You will FAIL. You will eat that first donut and you will choke and then they will kick you out because you can't eat a donut! You will never become a police officer!"
"I don't want to become a police officer."
"Oh. Well. Then… become a model and model for me! We have coffee!"
I sighed. This was never going to end…
Satoshi
It's not that I can't stand other people flirting with my Daisuke; it's just… illogical envy towards someone who has far better social skills, that's all. There were never any exceptions. Not even while Daisuke was—oh the beautiful term "was"—dating Risa Harada. During physical education (the class we were all doomed for since we skipped it during our freshman year), there were many "accidental aims" towards her head. Whether or not she was near the ball courts or not, they were all accidents… I swear.
"You don't even know our names." I scowled. Keiji blinked, ignored my statement, and continued to harass Daisuke onto accepting the job. It was when Daisuke finally grew tired of it (desperate in other terms) and searched around when he screamed, "Hio! HELLO!"
Hio was walking a dog, the one she walked every Friday, and looked our way sniffing. Risa wasn't lying about her having a cold. Daisuke quickly scrambled to his feet dashing over to her and in the next few moments it was Hio staring in confusion and handing Daisuke the leash to the dog saying, "Whatever…"
"Damn, we lost another one Funi-kun."
"What a surprise."
"Well… We'll just have to try harder next time! Now for the flyers! Did you hang them up?"
"We hung one flyer."
"That'll do!"
"We made three hundred."
And so apparently being the innocent bystander, Keiji walked over to Funabashi taking the flyers out of his hands and handed the stack over to me smiling, "We'll see you there!"
Why would I need two hundred and ninety-nine flyers?
Takeshi
Sitting at my desk drawing stick figures named Jay and Bob, I looked at the two and decided Bob needed to have radio active goop pour all over his body. The sexiness in that, no? Wait… Bob's a guy. Scratch that.
"Sorry I'm late." Satoshi walked in the office with a large stack of neon green papers and placed them on my desk, "I was attacked."
"What?" I jumped, "By what?"
"By Keiji Saga."
No explanation needed.
"So you got flyers for auditions?"
"Put them in the newspapers for tomorrow morning, it'll be a bonus."
I smiled nodding, "All right."
Satoshi was always one to think quickly. He was a year younger than me (I was eighteen), but he knew far more than I did. I knew the front and back of journalism, yes, no one could even try to top me in that category, but otherwise… Satoshi could handle it.
It was an admirable trait of his. He was fairly handsome too if I were gay. Sadly, I'm not. I couldn't be and would never be. I couldn't look at Satoshi, for instance when he dropped my stapler and went down to pick up, I couldn't find the way he bent down to… pick up… that… oh dear he was going real slow… so graceful… so… Um. He was picking up my stapler, nothing to it.
"Sorry," He muttered, ", it fell."
"That's all right." I was staring at the spot the stapler fell on, "There's some mail in the mail room you need to deliver."
"Okay."
"Then… after that you can give these flyers to the packaging room so they can put them in the bags already."
"Anything else?"
Bend over. Ah! What?
"No." I flushed, "That's all. You can… leave now."
"Okay." He grabbed the stack of papers turning around and walked away, "Good day, Mr. Saehara."
"Good day Hiwatari."
I'm not gay.
I'm not.
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A/N: And that's the first chapter of our co-write! Isn't Scizo such an insanely good writer? ... Don't my stories suck compared to hers? I'm almost afraid to continue this.. BEWARE THE HORROR OF SUCKY WRITING!
Kupo
Schizo: Don't listen. Review please.
Cheers- Steph
