A/N(Kupo): Another chapter… After… how long was it? Three months? I exaggerate… But I think I can speak for everyone when I say, "IT WAS ALL THE PENS FAULT!" because it was. The pens will be the downfall of society… They purposely make you make mistakes in your writing, causing you to fail a test and then that class and you get discouraged so you drop out of school and then start to work at McDonalds for less than minimum wage after taxes and you get so angry with the government that you go into your mothers basement (which is where you live) and use your science brains and that PEN to engineer a bomb that, once you set it off, destroys the state you live in, and other people get ideas so there's a whole chain reaction of angry kids setting off bombs until the whole earth is destroyed which throws the universe into chaos, creating a huge black hole where everything gets sucked into it, leaving nothing except for white...
Pens are evil.
Reviews!
KupoWrath:Kupo:…Just stop before you hurt yourself… Schizo: I'll get you a Band Aid if something goes wrong though!
Shadow Vampiress: Kupo: Thank you! And yes… school sucks… So does math… wait… Is School Math's whore? OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT MATH WAS WITH ENGLISH! Schizo: Math was already whore. You know what they say… Sex is like Math. You add two people together, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply.
MoonLightMare:Kupo: You just KNOW that Emiko would say that… Schizo: My mother once threatened me with her frying pan—and toothpaste…
Disco-Dancing on the Roof: Kupo: I sure do! My account is: KupoWrath I ORDER YE TO GO READ MY STORIES! BWHHAHAH! Schizo: Oh my gosh! I finally get to reply to you. I feel so guilty that you review every chapter/story like a true fan and I've only replied to you… hmm… once? Well, yes, I love you dearly. (And the math problems were finished) (Obviously)
Evil Overlord of my Own Mind: Kupo: .../Raises eyebrow/ … Well… that was interesting… o.O;;; Schizo: Y'know, I don't think it's possible to make some nosebleed from dirty thoughts. My guy friend did a strip tease to his boyfriend and nothing happened… I'm still working on seeing that in real life though… one day… one day…
Kitsu:Kupo: Oh my… I'm sorry! You'll beta my chapters! I promise! Schizo: I think I told you once? I didn't exactly say too much about it. Sorry, as well.
Moonlight Princess: Kupo: We're working on it... Glad you like teh story! Schizo: Chapters will come… eventually… Hell, this story might just never end (wink wink)
DISCLAIMER: Do you HONESTLY think that we own DNAngel? Have you READ this story? If we owned DNAngel, you would be praying to the GODS that they'll let you die a quick and painless death, because the planet would be controlled by mechanical pencils.
SUMMARY: Ever want to be a whore? Ever say to yourself you're not gay? Can't seem to get that insane blonde off you? Then make some love, fight your heart, and scream to your heart's content. Yaoi
WARNINGS: …That's what you want isn't it? To know EXACTLY what's going on… WELL WE'RE NOT TELLING! …but uh… watch out for evil potatoes…
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Keiji
"NO!" Don't people understand the importance of broccoli? We're shooting a broccoli photo ad! The model has to do more than pose as broccoli! The model has to be the broccoli, think like the broccoli, feel like the broccoli, talk like the broccoli, and MAKE VEGETABLE LOVE like the broccoli!
"I-I'm sorry, Mr. Saga. I'll try harder."
"Harder? Harder? We've been at this for five minutes!"
"Sir, most photo shoots are an hour." My beloved secretary, if only he knew more about art. He is good looking though. Maybe I'll have sex with him sometime.
"He's not veggie enough for me." I swat my hand at the petty model.
"I can do it! I assure you, Mr. Saga!"
"You can? You are the broccoli! BREAK OUT INTO SONG! NOW!"
"Um… Um…"
"I don't hear SINGING!"
"I am… uh… the broccoli… Please don't… eat me… 'Cause I'm just tooooo good! 'Cause I'm… broccoliiiiiii!"
Funabashi
And then he starts getting into it… poor minded soul…
"Yeah! Yeah! Broccoli, it's just so damn healthy! You can't live without me! I know! I KNOW! WE… ARE THE VEGETABLES!" He waves his arms in the air slowly singing to the melody of "We are the Champions." Getting real into it, "No fruit can beat us!"
"I am sorry." Keiji stops him. He's good for one thing. Telling you when you suck. "But we are not singers, we are modelers. Go to a recording studio if you want to sing."
"But you told me to sing!"
"Get better judgment!"
There goes another one of our models…
"Well, Sir, you've done it. You scared off—yet again—another model of ours because you can't make sense even if you tried."
"Broccoli just isn't fashionable. Perhaps we should go political?"
"You know politics?" He probably did ini-mini-miney-mo when he voted.
"Of course, the potatoes," He says this while literally grabbing a few potatoes from the buffet table, ", used themselves and SHOT at the carrots!" He throws the potatoes at the bowl of carrots next to the ranch dip, "They were suicidal potatoes I tell you! Damn that fucking society, attacking our carrots. Why… Why… Why I'll eat those damn potatoes."
"But isn't that-"
He gasped, "Why you're right Funabashi! It's murder! Oh god!"
"But I thought they-"
"Right again! They committed suicide, so it's not murder… it's just… getting rid of the evidence…"
"Isn't that-"
"Illegal? Yeah. Oh dear. Potatoes are evil. Funabashi!" He grabbed my face, "Dress up like a potato. We're going to stick knives into your outfit and show the world that potatoes aren't good for you. We're boycotting potatoes!"
"You'll have some law suits."
"But we'll protect our society!"
Kevin
"And he just HEARD ME! Oh GOD! I am such an idiot!"
Drinking beer at a bar to let out my embarrassing sorrows, I belt out the incident that happened earlier today to the bar tender—who only asked if I wanted a napkin. He's cute, maybe I can get laid and over my love. Because surely now he doesn't want me knowing that I've been obsessing OVER HIM! OH GOD! WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK?
"Calm down! Calm down! I'm sure everything will be all right."
"NO! Takeshi Saehara is the man of all men, who's straight and beautiful and smart and funny and fucking hot and fucking Japanese hot and fucking Japanese rocker hot—okay, maybe not fucking Japanese rocker hot BUT HE'S HOT! YOU CAN'T SAY MY LOVE ISN'T HOT!" I'm grabbing the bar tender by the collar.
"Okay! Okay!" He tries to get away, "He's hot! He's hot!"
"BITCH!" I slap him, "HE'S MINE!"
"You can have him!"
"What? He's not GOOD ENOUGH for you? You're just a stupid bar tender!"
"Don't make me call the police, man."
Slumping my shoulders, I break out into a sob drinking the rest of my Jack Daniel's. Strong alcohol for strong heartache, that's my method. I mean, how could something so wrong happen to me? I did everything I was supposed to do to be good. I was a boy scout, I helped my mother take in the groceries, I got good grades, and I didn't fuck anyone until prom night, I did everything good! Why did this have to happen to ME?
"He just looked so scared… and guilty that he heard and did what he did and heard—but I didn't want him to be guilty for what he heard and did because I wanted him to like what he did and heard, but he did hear and do what he apparently didn't want to do and hear, and OH GOD! I'm AN IDIOT!" I begin sobbing into my arms.
"Okay, well…" The bar tender takes my empty glass and begins washing it, "I'm sure he was probably scared and guilty because he… uh… liked kissing you and he didn't want to seem like a pervert that he did when you were… what were you doing?"
I sniff and reply, "Sleeping."
"When you were sleeping," He finishes.
"You really think so?"
"Yes, yes I do." He gives me a smile, "Now you go back to him and give him a wonderful long kiss."
"But… but…" I rub my eyes, which must be red and horribly ugly right now, and say, "But he's straight."
"He's in denial."
"Are you sure I should kiss him?"
"Okay, well maybe not a long kiss, but a short one is good." He sets the glass down after drying it, "You gays, acting so dramatic. All you have to do is fuck him and he'll be after you like a disease."
Disturbing simile…
"I'd like that."
But an effective simile…
"So, what are you going to do?"
"Um…"
"I said… What are you going to do?"
"I'm gonna…"
"What? You're gonna what?"
"I'm gonna get my man?"
"Oh, you'll do more than that. What are you gonna DO?"
"I'm gonna kiss my man?"
"Something better?"
"I'm gonna fuck my man?"
"What did you say?"
"I'm gonna fuck my man."
"Can't HEAR you."
"I'm gonna fuck my man!"
"WHAT?"
"I'M GONNA FUCK MY MAN!"
"YOU
GO DO IT THEN!"
"OKAY!"
Bartender
I wonder if I shouldn't have let that man out while he was drunk…
Daisuke
"MOM! Why did you make MARCY my girlfriend?"
"Marcy is a beautiful Swedish girl!"
"She's French."
"Marcy is a beautiful French girl!"
"She has a mustache!"
"Well," She strokes the skin above my lip, "So do you, my little man."
"No I'm not!"
I don't know what to do. I've already received flowers saying, "Congrats on your new girlfriend and RISA'S A BITCH ANYWAY!" with p.s.'s like: "Also, if things don't work out with Marcy, my daughter is just perfect for you!" It's almost as if my mother trained her friends to be little minions like her.
"Ooooh! Darling Kiano sent you some cologne for your girlfriend, isn't she just sweet?"
It's the cologne my mother gave her friend's son on his birthday. Yes, it's very sweet.
"I'm breaking up with Marcy."
"Oh you can't do that."
My eyes widen, "Why?"
"Well, it's against the rules. No one can break up until the have at least gone on three dates and have kissed once."
"I didn't even want the relationship!"
"Well, Daisuke, I know I didn't raise a boy who would just go into a relationship for sexual pleasure."
"I didn't want sexual pleasure!"
"You're GAY?"
"I'm not gay!"
She didn't hear my last sentence apparently and turns around stroking her chin, thinking to herself. It's not safe when she's thinking to herself, especially since her thoughts (I assume) go at a 2.5 nanosecond speed. She turns to me and nods with acceptance, "It's okay Daisuke. I just want you to know that I'm okay with the fact that you're gay."
"But I'm not gay!"
"Well, it makes perfect sense now. Risa was just a cover and you're upset that she dumped you for a real man because now you have no cover, which is just selfish that she would put her high school love needs before your individuality of queer things. I just want you to know that I'm okay that you would do some love-love in the "down town" area with the hip-hop cowboys of the city. I'm just fine with that."
Love-love in the "down town" area with the hip-hop cowboys of the city?
"I'm NOT gay!"
"Oh, you're still debating it aren't you? Well, maybe Marcy isn't such a good idea. I'll go call her and tell her the relationship is off!"
"BUT I'M-" Wait a minute. "Um. Okay."
She calls Marcy, "Hello Marcy! I'm so sorry, but the relationship is off. No, it's not you, but it's my… it's my neighbor's fault. Her son is in love with you. Yes, go ahead and have a relationship with him. Everything will turn out wonderful. You'll have beautiful babies."
She hangs up.
"Okay, hmm… Y'know, I think Sakura has a gay son. I think I'll hook you up with him."
"I'm not gay! Stop thinking I am!"
"Or… or… Or maybe someone famous, that way you can get over your fear of not being accepted. Everyone who's famous is accepted if they're gay. In fact, they get more romance than anyone! Okay, Daisuke! Tonight I will go to the star party some famous guy is throwing and I will FIND you a boyfriend! Oh! I better change!"
"MOM!"
SLAM
We look at our door, which is on the ground being as how Satoshi kicked it open.
"MRS. NIWA! DAISUKE DOES NOT NEED A BOYFRIEND!"
"Of course not," She smiles, "He needs a LOVER!"
Satoshi
After being convinced (somehow, I don't know how) that everything would be okay, I found myself in my room. I don't know what happened. One minute I was yelling at Mrs. Niwa that Daisuke shouldn't get a boyfriend so I could keep him and the next, I'm in this room. What the hell happened?
"Shit."
I just realize that Mrs. Niwa is going to the party to get him a boyfriend.
"Now I have to stop her…" I sigh, "Again."
Keiji
I'm throwing a party for the vegetable ads and the potato boycott (which Funabashi looks dashing in the costume). I'm psyched! Everyone who's anyone is going to be there and everyone will HATE potatoes. Good bye French fries, adios potato chips, and nice knowing ya television nerds! Everyone is going to love this party.
"Sir, must I wear this?"
"YES!"
"Why do I stay here…"
Takeshi
I was walking home when I saw Kevin wobbling his way down the sidewalk. I know I just embarrassed him for the rest of his life, but it's not right to let someone I know walk alone when they're drunk. So, I walk over to him.
"Thompson?" I hold him from under the shoulders so we walk side by side. He lifts his gaze up to mine, "Takeshi… my love…"
"You're drunk."
"And horny." He wraps his other hand around my neck, "Mmm… very, very horny."
Shit. Don't take advantage of a drunken gay man… Wait. Why would I want to take advantage of a drunken gay man? I have no reason to because I'm not gay! Not gay!
"Tee-hee, looks like the hotdog's cooking up down there," He giggles. Didn't know guys could giggle, but he giggles, "And I hope there's some horse raddish on it cause I'm going eat that plump meat nice and goooooood."
Oh god. Not gay not gay not gay not gay not gay… Don't get turned on…
"I'd love it grinding into my buns." He pushes me into a door, "Oh, oh. Lookie here, it's my apartment."
"No… You're… You're…" I gasp when he unlocks the door and pushes me inside, "Drunk."
"Takeshi, my love… we were meant to be. Stop pretending…"
"No." I'm not gay. I'm NOT gay. I'm not GAY! I'M NOT GAY! GODDAMMIT! SOMEBODY BELIEVE ME!
"I don't believe you." WHY?
"WHY?"
He giggles… again.
"You're standing inside my room." I turn around realizing I was backing into his room and just a few inches away from his bed. Oh… I've always wondered how sex was like with another… and Kevin is pretty… and… WHAT? NO!
"Thompson, we can't."
"Oh…" He leans into me grabbing my shoulders, huskily whispering into my ear, "Call me Kevin, Kevi if you want."
"Thompson…"
"Pretend I'm a girl, have your way with me…" So… so tempting…
"But… but I'm not gay."
And then he licks my ear.
"Oh, mercy."
"Are you gay now?"
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A/N: Kupo: YAY! I GET TO WRITE A LEMON(maybe) FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! NOW REVIEW YOU NO SMEX FOR YOU! I MEAN IT! I'M CRAZY! I CAN DO ANYTHING!
Schizo: I was just too lazy to write a lemon… heh… but come on… Kevin and Takeshi getting it ON? You know you want some of that…
Cheers-Steph
