A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!

These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.


A/N: The first chapter of Volume 1 (New Moon - Mid-Eclipse) is now posted!


O Negative (BD)

The night broke me. Bella broke me in the way that only she could.

Before Bella, the world was black and white. To Bella, the world was rarely so. Rather she lived in every color in between. In the months we'd known each other she'd dragged me as far as gray.

Sometimes gray was pleasure. Throwing out right and wrong and doing what felt good. The salve that erased the pain.

But gray now was agony. It was defeat. It was laying down my arms and letting go. It was acknowledging that what was very, very wrong was also right.

It was knowing that a part of myself knit itself into her body and that it was not my right to remove it, regardless of the consequences. Rosalie had been right in a sense. My part was done.

I held Bella's hand all through the long night and Rosalie, moved enough by my act of contrition, did not object.

The three of us - Carlisle, Rosalie, and I - never took our eyes off of Bella. She was stable for the moment, but her condition was still grave. Her breaths were labored, panted through parted waxen lips.

As dawn approached, Carlisle asked me a few questions to fill in what he hadn't learned from Emmett or Seth yesterday.

"Sam was quite hasty wasn't he?"

"Yes." My tone was bleak. "I picked up in Seth's thoughts that Sam refused to consult the elders first. Maybe you could call Billy Black and remind him what you did for his son. See if he could find it in his heart to advocate for your daughter? Charlie's daughter?"

"I'm sure Billy Black will not need any kind of convincing. I'll call him right away. Diplomacy is always the best path forward."

Billy already knew that Jacob had gone his own way but, reading between the lines, it seemed he had been told a different version as to why. He sounded a bit stunned by Carlisle's assertion that the pack had intended to kill Bella.

"I assure you, Edward heard it from Jacob and Seth directly."

"We'll consider what you've said carefully, Dr. Cullen. Of course Bella is dear to me as well. Family. I wish her the best."

"How much sway do you think the elders have over Sam?" Carlisle asked after he'd hung up.

"I wish I knew."

Jacob rested a half mile or so from the house, trying not to see the girl tangled up in tubes and wires as sleep evaded him.

Seth ran the perimeter. I was hearing him better with the continued exposure so when he howled about an hour after sunrise, I focused in easily on his thoughts... and her thoughts in his head.

Morning, boys.

I recognized the voice. Leah Clearwater. It seemed Seth and Jacob, sprinting over to his brother now, weren't much happier about her arrival than I was.

"What's going on?" Emmett appeared at the top of the stairs, having heard the howl.

"Another wolf - Leah Clearwater." My eyes were unfocused as I listened.

...I'm joining your crappy renegade pack. The vampires' guard dogs...

"She's claiming she's joined their pack," I told the room.

"She could be deceiving them," Rosalie said.

"No. I don't think so. I don't think they would hear her if her allegiance was still to Sam Uley."

Leah confirmed as much a few moments later.

"What motivated her?" Carlisle asked. "Should we expect more to do the same?"

"I don't know. Her circumstances seem unique. She's worried about Seth."

I moved to the window hearing Seth's approach. He explained what I already knew.

Wow, he looks bad, Seth thought to himself.

I moved away from the window to escape his commentary.

"Leah's committed to run patrols with them. She'll respect the alliance, though she does not like us."

Jacob tried to convince her to leave but was unwilling, at the moment, to force her. I hadn't caught before today that their relationship was quite so strained.

It didn't take long for Jacob to discover getting away from Sam Uley was the primary reason for her departure and not protecting Seth as she initially claimed.

Still Seth worried Jacob might send him home as incentive to get her out of his hair.

I was grateful when Jacob veered the conversation away from the soap opera and got to the part I was listening for.

Why don't you make yourself useful by telling us what you know? What happened after we left last night.

Sam was... Leah remembered Sam Uley's near-violent rage.

I was surprised at the depth of his insecurity - I hadn't seen that in him before.

After that, Leah continued, it was clear pretty quick that we were going to have to rethink things.

"Leah's telling them that Sam planned to meet with the elders first thing this morning," I told Carlisle.

We were supposed to meet up and figure out a game plan. I could tell he wasn't going to mount another attack right away though. Suicide at this point, with you and Seth AWOL and the bloodsuckers forewarned. I'm not sure what they'll do, but I wouldn't be wandering the forest alone if I was a leech.

"She doesn't believe Sam will attack right away, but it's 'open season' on the Cullens now."

Emmett and Jasper hissed.

The sound woke Bella and Rosalie and I both glowered at them. They retreated upstairs, their thoughts apologetic.

"Edward," Bella breathed.

I leaned my face close to hers. "Good morning." As I whispered the words I thought of what a miracle it was that she was here to hear them.

Her brown eyes studied my face and the 'v' between them deepened. She started to lift her hand, but stopped, wincing.

"An IV?"

"You had a hard night," I said, giving her untethered hand a gentle squeeze.

"It's fuzzy," she whispered. "But I remember... what you said."

I grimaced remembering that horrible hour.

"Why?" she whispered. "What changed?"

I swallowed and looked down at her hand. She needed to know what he did for her, but I worried it might make her stress.

"Everything is fine now, but..."

"But?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Last night, Sam Uley ordered the pack to attack... the fetus. And you because you carry it."

Her eyes were wide.

"Shh... listen," I said, not liking how her heart reacted. "There's no need to worry now because of Jacob. And Seth."

"Jake and Seth?"

"Sam gave them the alpha command. He ordered them to attack the rest of us so one of their brothers could get to you. And Jacob - "

"Jacob took alpha," she said with awe.

I smiled a little seeing her intuition at work.

She smiled a little, too.

"And Seth?"

"He followed."

She frowned. "Followed? Don't all the wolves follow Jacob now?"

"It seems they can choose to leave Sam. Seth did. But Jacob wasn't interested in asking anyone to, let alone forcing them."

"But Jacob said there can only be one alpha," she argued.

"Perhaps their legends never envisioned two packs," I said with a shrug. "Jacob and Seth can't hear the others anymore. They gave up everything. To protect us."

I wiped away the couple tears that escaped her eyes.

"And... seeing what it was like for Jacob to be forced into killing something - someone he loved... to watch someone do that to someone else... " I took a deep breath and shook my head. "I was wrong." My voice broke. "Very, very wrong."

"You were just scared," she said, the tears running more freely down her face now.

"I'm still scared," I whispered.

"Me, too."

It was the first time she'd admitted as much. But I knew it made no difference.

When Bella rested her eyes, I murmured under my breath to Carlisle. "Jacob's coming in his human form."

Shall I go?

"Please."

I didn't know if Jacob would be up to seeing Bella and I didn't want it to hurt her feelings if he chose not to. She'd been upset when he left the day before.

"So Sam won't attack now?" Bella asked. "Just like that?"

I shook my head. "Jacob's not sure. They're keeping up patrols around the house."

"Wow. Werewolves protecting vampires."

"It is extremely generous." I paused. "They're good people. Both of them."

She looked a little smug as she processed my admission.

I was just relieved to see her being herself after her confusion the previous night. After nearly losing her.

Carlisle slipped outside to meet Jacob and his expression, exhausted and defeated, nearly gave Jacob a heart attack.

"Are you alright, Jacob?" Carlisle asked.

"Is Bella?" Jacob choked out.

"She's much the same as last night. Did I startle you? I'm sorry. Edward said you were coming in your human form, and I came out to greet you, as he didn't want to leave her. She's awake."

And Edward doesn't want to lose any time with her, because he doesn't have much time left.

"What is it?" Bella asked, seeing something in my face.

"Nothing."

She knew I was lying, but she let it go.

We didn't speak. We just stared into each others' eyes because we didn't have much time left and we both knew it.

I passively listened to Carlisle and Jacob's conversation. They sat on the porch steps, both worn out.

"She's family to you?" Jacob asked.

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter."

"But you're going to let her die," Jacob accused.

Carlisle remembered how he felt when he realized he could not convince Bella. It had been the most difficult decision of his existence. More difficult than choosing to change me.

By forcing her to terminate, he would save her. He would save me. There was also the matter that he perceived her pregnancy as his wrong not mine. He berated himself for not foreseeing the risk. A minor procedure. That's all it would take to correct the wrong.

And then Esme reminded him there was no decision.

Esme. I ached thinking of how I'd treated her. Of how little value I'd put on her perspective. Why did Jacob's experience move me in a way that hers did not? Why had I been so much angrier at her than Carlisle? I didn't know if I'd live long enough to fully unpack that answer, but I knew it wasn't pretty.

I heard her humming tunelessly upstairs and vowed to apologize to her before I disintegrated into ash.

Outside Jacob looked up at Carlisle, wondering at his long silence.

"I can imagine what you think of me for that." Carlisle remembered my anger with him. "But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her."

Just as I had, Jacob drew a straight line between his experience yesterday and Bella's. Not so different than being broken on the ground under Sam - having no choice than to be involved in the murder of someone I love... but it's not exactly the same. Sam was wrong. And Bella loves things she shouldn't.

There was no greater truth than that.

"Do you think there's any chance she'll make it? I mean, as a vampire and all that. She told me about... about Esme."

I tried not to focus on Carlisle's answer. Not with Bella's eyes on my face. But of course that was impossible.

"...her heart is working too hard now; if it should fail... there won't be anything for me to do."

I lost control for a moment and I was sure that I was, as Jacob described me, the burning man.

Bella's heartbeat throbbed and faltered in response.

I resumed my mask and kissed her forehead.

Carlisle explained to Jacob that the fetus wasn't compatible with Bella's body. It's strength, how it caused her body to reject all forms of nutrition. "Everything about her condition is accelerated. I'm watching her - and not just her, but the fetus as well - starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it wants."

Carlisle was frustrated with himself. I'm failing her. Edward. It just doesn't make sense. It has to want something.

He and Jacob were both burning.

Jacob was clenching his fists trying to control the tremors that would turn him into a wolf.

I'd envied his humanity endlessly, but in that moment I envied his ability to explode out of his skin. I felt so trapped, so helpless. All of this anger and pain and energy and nothing to do with it.

It's not enough for the monster to beat her from the inside out, Jacob thought. No, it's starving her, too. Probably just looking for something to sink its teeth into - a throat to suck dry. Since it isn't big enough to kill anyone else yet, it's settling for sucking Bella's life from her.

I can tell them exactly what it wants: death and blood, blood and death.

I froze.

Bella's eyes were closed, but Rosalie noticed.

What? she asked.

I ignored her.

Blood.

It seemed incredibly obvious now that he'd pointed it out. Didn't I hate it because it was quite likely an unthinking collection of cells with my worst traits and impulses? Wouldn't it, then, crave only one thing?

I looked at the human girl laid out in front of me. Her furrowed brow, her long eyelashes, the curve of her nose. And her lips, more purple than pink at the moment. I tried to imagine it. Human blood passing through those soft, warm lips.

What? Rosalie asked again, exasperated now. You look like you're going to throw up.

It was bad enough. My diet. But to, after trying so hard to protect her from the most macabre aspects of my world, ask her to... drink blood. While human.

I shuddered.

Rosalie thought about what Carlisle had just said about Jacob's chromosomes. "You have twenty-four pairs, Jacob... I was... curious. I took the liberty when I was treating you last June." Oh come on, Rosalie thought misinterpreting my shudder. That weirds you out? Didn't he all but admit a week ago to looking at his own stuff under a microscope. Of course, he studied the dog's chromosomes.

But what other way was there than to have her drink it? Intravenously wouldn't work. A feeding tube would get it into her stomach, sparing her the taste, but then she'd have the extreme discomfort of the tube down her throat. Or she'd have to undergo a procedure to have the tube pass through the skin of her abdomen. Even if she was stable enough for that, Rosalie wouldn't allow it.

Could I do it? Ask her to drink it? It was... monstrous, repulsive.

Bella gasped for air before panting again.

"I'll be right back, Bella. I want to speak with Carlisle for a moment."

Knew it wouldn't last, Rosalie thought. She could hear something new in my voice - it wasn't dead anymore - so I must be up to something. Perhaps the very thing I had just apologized for.

"Actually, Rosalie, would you mind accompanying me?"

Why? Been acting like a mad man over there, he's probably just...

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked hoarsely.

"Nothing you need to worry about, love. It will just take a second. Please, Rose?"

"Esme?" Rosalie called. "Can you mind Bella for me?"

Esme flitted to Bella's side. "Of course." She looked at my face and was warmed when I met her eyes.

I was out the door the next second. Before I could lose my resolve.

Rosalie followed behind me and I pulled the door closed, not wanting Bella to overhear.

"Carlisle," I murmured.

"What is it, Edward?" He saw something new in my eyes.

"Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the... fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought."

Me? Jacob wondered. What - that I hate the thing? At least I'm not alone in that. He can hardly get out the word fetus.

"We haven't actually addressed that angle. We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the... fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."

"I'm not following you, Edward," Carlisle said.

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves - what it's not getting? Jacob did."

Jacob recalled at the same time Carlisle grasped my meaning.

"Oh, you think it is..." Carlisle's surprise gave way to the awkward reality of it, "thirsty?"

Rosalie hissed under her breath. Yes, yes, yes. Her face lit up. "Of course," she muttered. "Carlisle, we have all that type O negative laid aside for Bella. It's a good idea."

"Hmm." Carlisle put his hand to his chin. "I wonder... " would that somehow meet her needs, too? Or at least appease it so she could keep something down? "And then, what would be the best way to administer..." He was having almost as hard a time as I was imagining a soft, human Bella drinking blood.

Rosalie shook her head. "We don't have time to be creative. I'd say we should start with the traditional way."

Well, Rosalie had no trouble picturing it.

"Wait a minute," Jacob whispered in horror. "Just hold on. Are you - are you talking about making Bella drink blood?"

"It was your idea, dog," Rosalie snapped, never looking at him.

He didn't care about Rosalie's opinion. He was looking at Carlisle, noting the hope in his eyes.

"That's just..." Jacob couldn't find the right word.

"Monstrous?" I suggested. "Repulsive?"

"Pretty much."

"But what if it helps her?" I whispered. For some reason I felt I needed Jacob's buy-in no less than I needed Carlisle or Rosalie's.

Jacob shook his head angrily, his eyes wet with emotion. "What are you gonna do, shove a tube down her throat?"

"I plan to ask her what she thinks," I reassured him. "I just wanted to run it past Carlisle first."

Rosalie nodded. "If you tell her it might help the baby, she'll be willing to do anything."

I hated how proud she was of her manipulation tactics.

"Even if we have to feed them through a tube," Rosalie continued.

So Blondie's in line with anything that helps the little life-sucking monster, Jacob realized. Is that what's going on, the mystery factor bonding the two of them? Is Rosalie after the kid?

I nodded once.

Huh. Ice-cold Barbie has a maternal side. So much for protecting Bella - Rosalie'd probably jam the tube down Bella's throat herself.

He read Rosalie almost as well as I did. Though, she was about as shallow as a puddle, so I supposed that wasn't exactly impressive.

"Well, we don't have time to sit around discussing this," Rosalie said impatiently. "What do you think, Carlisle? Can we try?"

She's right, Carlisle thought, there's no time. He took a deep breath, and then he was on his feet. "We'll ask Bella."

Rosalie felt confident of Bella's answer. She was probably right, but she didn't know that the sight and somehow the smell of blood made Bella faint. So, the taste... How would she keep it down?

Jacob wasn't sure why he followed. Morbid curiosity? Another hit of my dwindling drug supply?

Or the most obvious reason, I thought. He loved her.

Bella watched us suspiciously. I supposed it would take more than an apology and an admission of guilt to earn her trust back. Maybe I would never regain it. I deserved that.

"What's going on?" she demanded in a scratchy whisper. Her hand moved to her stomach protectively.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you," Carlisle said.

Wish he'd leave me out of it. Didn't suggest anything. Give credit to her bloodsucking husband, where it belongs.

Carlisle went on, unaware of Jacob's distaste, "It won't be... pleasant, but - "

"But it will help the baby," Rosalie interrupted eagerly. "We've thought of a better way to feed him. Maybe."

Bella's eyelids fluttered. And then she coughed out a weak laugh. "Not pleasant?" she whispered. "Gosh, that'll be such a change." She glared at the IV, because that, of course, was the most unpleasant part of this situation.

Rosalie laughed disingenuously.

Looks like she only has hours left and she has to be in pain, but here she is still making jokes, Jacob thought. So Bella. Trying to ease the tension, make it better for everyone else.

Jacob was glad to see I was untouched by Bella's dark humor. We both knew I deserved to suffer.

I stepped in front of Rosalie before she could try to downplay the situation again.

"Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive."

She took a shallow, fluttery breath. "How bad?"

Carlisle, seeing something lacking in both Rosalie's sugarcoating and my gloom, stepped in. "We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours. We think it's thirsty."

Bella blinked. "Oh. Oh."

"Your condition - both of your conditions - are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to test the theory - "

"I've got to drink it," she whispered, managing a weak nod. There was only resolve in her tired features.

Rosalie was smug.

Bella looked at me, a faint grin on her lips. "Practice for the future right?"

I didn't have it in me to smile back. This was, without a doubt, one of the lowest moments of my life. Asking the human love of my life, so good and so pure, to commit an act just shy of cannibalism in order to provide for my parasitic offspring so it could kill her in another way on another day.

Rosalie started tapping her toe impatiently and Jacob envisioned throwing her through a wall. I hoped he would.

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" Bella whispered, trying to break the awkward tension in the room.

Right, Carlisle thought. She would assume, given our habits...

I met Carlisle's eyes. Would this be the sticking point?

"What?" Bella asked.

"It will be a more effective test if we don't cut corners, Bella," Carlisle answered.

She wasn't following.

"If the fetus is craving blood," I explained, "it's not craving animal blood."

"It won't make a difference to you, Bella. Don't think about it," Rosalie encouraged. Why didn't they just tell her it was animal blood?

Bella's eyes widened.

Part of me hoped she would refuse and berate me for bringing it up in the first place.

"Who?" Bella breathed.

Jacob felt Bella's eyes on him and started grumbling about not being a donor.

Rosalie talked over him. "We have blood on hand. For you - just in case. Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better."

Bella ran her hand across her stomach. "Well," she rasped, barely audible. "I'm starving, so I'll bet he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act."

Carlisle and Rosalie darted upstairs. They debated whether they should warm it up. I had no idea. I trusted their judgement.

I stayed with Bella, holding her hand, staring into her eyes.

You don't have to do this, you know, I wanted to say. Carlisle thinks we can get the fetus out in forty seconds or less once the morphine kicks in. Then you'd be on your way to becoming a vampire. Three days and all the suffering's over. Just 'forever' like you always wanted.

She wouldn't listen. She would say this really isn't so bad. This is fine.

I would tell her, No, it's not. It's horrendous. I'll never be able to unsee this... what I'm asking you to do.

She would make some tasteless joke about being a vampire's wife. About how things like this just came with the territory.

I was vaguely aware of Jacob's suffering as he watched Bella and I. It was something akin to how I used to feel watching my family members, three perfectly matched couples when I had no one.

But this, what Jacob experienced now, was much, much worse. It was enough to convince him not to send Leah away.

Great.

But I was more focused on Carlisle and Rosalie.

"Not clear, Rosalie," I murmured as she went for a glass. I rolled my eyes.

Bella raised her eyebrows, but I just shook my head.

"This was your idea?" Bella whispered to Jacob, unnecessarily straining to make her voice louder.

Jacob liked that - that she forgot he wasn't completely human. He moved closer so she wouldn't have to work so hard.

I rejected the jealous thought that wondered why he didn't just remind her he had elevated hearing so he wouldn't need to stand so close to her.

"Don't blame me for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head."

She smiled a little. "I didn't expect to see you again."

"Yeah, me either." Jacob shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry."

"S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do," he lied.

"And Seth," she whispered.

"He's actually happy to help."

"I hate causing you trouble."

Jacob barked a laugh.

Bella sighed. "I guess that's nothing new, is it?"

"No, not really."

Did he have to be such an ass? Especially now.

But I bit my tongue. I wouldn't police their interactions. Especially not when this is what Bella expected of him. Maybe even wanted of him. What had she said when I'd called him out for being impolite? That's Jacob.

"You don't have to stay and watch this," she said, barely mouthing the words to him.

Could leave. Probably should... But the way she looks, could be missing the last fifteen minutes of her life.

His voice faltered slightly under the burden of his last thought. "I don't really have anywhere else to go," he told her.

Her eyes grew rounder with concern. That shouldn't have bothered me.

"The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up," he went on.

"Leah?" Bella gasped.

"You didn't tell her?" He asked me.

I shrugged without moving my eyes from Bella's face.

He figured I found the news disinteresting, what with my wife wasting away in front of me. There was truth to that. But I probably would have told her if it had been one of the wolves she was on friendlier terms with. Quil or Embry, maybe. Someone who cared about her. Someone who loved her.

"Why?" Bella breathed, displeased.

"To keep an eye on Seth."

"But Leah hates us," Bella whispered.

Us. Nice. And now I scared her. "Leah's not going to bug anyone." But me.

And me, I thought... but maybe not. Not if this experiment didn't work. Soon nothing and no one would bother me.

"She's in my pack so she follows my lead." Ugh, he thought, hating the sound of his own words.

Bella still looked nervous. Another excellent reason not to bring up Leah.

"You're scared of Leah, but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?"

Rosalie hissed where she worked on the second floor. I'll filet that dog. I swear I will.

Bella frowned at him. "Don't. Rose... understands."

"Yeah," Jacob grunted. "She understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the deal."

Accurate.

"Stop being a jerk, Jacob," she whispered.

That's Jacob, I wanted to offer in his defense. Maybe I would have. In a different universe where she still had time and strength. Where I still had a sense of humor.

Can't get mad at her looking all weak like this, he thought. "You say that like it's possible."

She fought a smile and lost.

So maybe there was some merit to ass Jacob if I got to see her smile. Even if it was only a shadow of her smile before I made her sick.

The ache in my throat burned brighter as Carlisle and Rosalie made their way down the stairs.

Carlisle carried a white plastic cup with a lid and straw. He was nearly as uncomfortable as I was. Asking his human patient, his human daughter to drink human blood. Forcing her to reconcile with the worst part of what we were.

He hesitated, the hand with the cup half-extended.

Bella eyed it, no brave face this time.

"We could try another method," Carlisle said quietly.

"No," she whispered. I was sure she would have stubbornly lifted her chin if she'd had the strength. "No, I'll try this first. We don't have time..." Her hand fluttered feebly against her stomach as her other hand, shaking, took the cup from Carlisle.

She tried to prop herself up on her elbow, but she was too weak. I leaned forward to help, but Rosalie was already there, putting her arm under her shoulders and supporting her head.

Like she's a newborn, Jacob thought. Blondie's all about the babies.

"Thanks," Bella whispered. She looked around at us self-consciously, holding Jacob's eyes the longest - probably incorrectly assuming this would be hardest for him - and meeting mine last.

Seriously, Edward, you could try. This will be as good for her as it is for the baby.

My face, as Rosalie saw it, wasn't exactly encouraging. It looked... well, mostly dead, but underneath that there was a little horror, a little shame.

"Don't mind them," Rosalie murmured.

I gave Bella a small nod.

Jacob was spiraling into a panic. Should've left when Bella gave me the chance. I don't belong here, being a part of this. I could still duck out - no, that would only make this worse for Bella - make it harder for her to go through with it. She'd figure I'm too disgusted to stay. Almost true... No, I don't want credit for this, but I'm not going to jinx it, either.

He wasn't a coward. I'd give him that.

I watched with dread as Bella lifted the cup to her face and sniffed at the end of the straw. She flinched, and then made a face.

"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way," I quickly offered. I held my hand out for the cup.

"Plug your nose," Rosalie said with false cheer as she glared at my hand. You moron, stop discouraging her. Honestly, the dog's having an easier time than you are.

Hope she takes a snap at him, Jacob thought. Bet Edward wouldn't take that sitting down. I'd love to see Blondie lose a limb.

Why settle for a limb?

"No, that's not it," Bella said. "It's - " She sucked in a deep breath and I watched her eyes, waiting for her to faint. "It smells good," she admitted in a small voice.

I wanted this to work. So it should smell good to her. Rationally, I knew that.

"That's a good thing," Rosalie told Bella eagerly. "That means we're on the right track. Give it another try."

Break into a touchdown dance already, a disgusted Jacob thought.

Carlisle watched fascinated yet cautious as she lifted the cup again.

Bella shoved the straw between her lips, squeezed her eyes shut, and wrinkled her nose. Frozen, I watched the faint shadow of the blood slowly move up the white straw. It was around the bend now, creeping towards her lips, until...

She swallowed. And then she moaned quietly with her eyes still closed.

Jacob and I both stepped forward automatically.

I touched her face. "Bella, love - "

"I'm okay," she whispered. She opened her eyes and looked up at me.

Her expression was apologetic, pleading, scared. I was sure she was going to tell me she just couldn't do this. We'd asked too much. This was just too twisted.

"It tastes good, too."

I shaped my hand to her cheek, sure I could not control my voice. I didn't know if my hope or my shame was stronger in that moment.

Jacob ground his teeth while Rosalie cheered her on, elated. "That's good. A good sign."

Carlisle pursed his lips, wondering if she'd be able to keep it down. I suppressed a shudder at the idea of it coming back up.

Bella sighed and lifted the cup. There wasn't the slow creep of the blood up the straw this time. Almost as if some instinct was taking over, she took a long, hard draw.

"How's your stomach? Do you feel nauseated?" Carlisle asked.

Bella shook her head. "No, I don't feel sick," she whispered. "There's a first, eh?"

"Excellent," Rosalie said, beaming.

"I think it's a bit early for that, Rose," Carlisle said quietly so Bella wouldn't hear.

Bella took a large gulp of blood before suddenly meeting my eyes. "Does this screw my total?" she whispered. "Or do we start counting after I'm a vampire?"

"No one is counting, Bella. In any case, no one died for this." I smiled weakly. "Your record is still clean."

She was still good and pure and innocent. Even with human blood on her tongue.

Counting...? Yeah, I'm lost.

"I'll explain later," I told Jacob, so low the words were just a breath.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Just talking to myself," I lied.

Her eyes tightened slightly, but she accepted my explanation.

If Bella lives, he's not going to be able to get away with so much when her senses are as sharp as his. He'll have to work on the whole honesty thing.

I fought a smile. It was funny. But it was his hope, his ability to picture it now that really thawed me.

Bella stared out the window as she drank. Jacob thought it was because she was still self-conscious. Given how they seemed to read each others' minds half the time, he was probably right.

Or maybe she's just pretending I'm not here. No one else in this group would be disgusted by what she's doing. Just the opposite - they're probably trying not to rip the cup out of her hand.

I rolled my eyes.

Jeez, how does anyone stand living with him? It's really too bad he can't hear Bella's thoughts. Then he'd annoy the crap out of her, too, and she'd get tired of him.

I chuckled once. I'd never thought of that. He was probably right.

Bella's eyes flickered to me at once. She searched my face for a moment and then she half-smiled. "Something funny?" she breathed.

"Jacob," I answered.

She looked over at him, giving him a smile, too. "Jake's a crack-up."

Great, now I'm the court jester. "Bada bing," Jacob mumbled.

Bella smiled again before returning her lips to the straw. It was only a minute before it pulled up empty air, making a loud sucking sound.

"I did it," she said proudly and with more volume than before. "If I keep this down, Carlisle, will you take the needles out of me?"

"As soon as possible," he promised. "Honestly, they aren't doing that much good where they are."

Rosalie patted Bella's forehead and I tensed. The two exchanged a hopeful glance and I had a pretty good idea that Bella, like Rosalie, was only happy for the baby. It made me furious. She never would have allowed me me to harm myself again and again until I withered away. No matter my cause. I remembered how she'd kept me from the fight in June. She told me it would hurt her so I'd stayed with her. Why could she not do the same for me now?

But even if Bella and Rosalie were off the deep end, at least I had Jacob here to appreciate what the experiment's success meant for Bella. We could both see it. There was a little more pink to her cheeks, some warmth in her lips. She was no longer completely dependent on Rosalie's supporting arm. Her breathing, her heart - both seemed more at ease, improving by the minute.

Everything accelerated, Jacob thought. He noticed I looked a little better, too.

"Would you like more?" Rosalie pressed. Stuff as much in her now as we can. Her stomach may not always be this cooperative.

Bella's shoulders slumped.

I flashed Rosalie a glare before looking back at Bella. "You don't have to drink more right away."

"Yeah, I know." Bella looked down, avoiding my eyes. "But... I want to," she admitted glumly.

My hands were in fists as I watched Rosalie comb Bella's hair with her thin fingers. Fingers that wouldn't be so hard to snap off.

"You don't need to be embarrassed about that, Bella," Rosalie said with a reassuring smile. "Your body has cravings. We all understand that." Her tone soured. "Anyone who doesn't understand that shouldn't be here."

She glanced at Jacob out of the corner of her eye and then caught my less than friendly expression. Go play fetch with the dog if this is too hard for you.

Jacob's thoughts, only mildly defensive, were much healthier than mine in that moment. Not gonna let Blondie get to me. I'm glad Bella's feeling better. So what if the means grosses me out? It wasn't like I'd said anything.

Carlisle took the cup from Bella. "I'll be right back."

Bella stared at Jacob and the 'v' appeared between her eyebrows again. "Jake, you look awful," she croaked.

My instinctive and irrational reaction was jealousy at her concern for him, but after giving him a quick furtive glance I could see that she was right. His lids were heavy and there were shadows under his eyes. All of his features seemed to sag. But more than that, I could hear it in his slow, dragging thoughts.

"Look who's talking," he retorted.

"Seriously," she pressed, "when's the last time you slept?"

"Huh," he said after a moment. "I'm not actually sure."

"Aw, Jake. Now I'm messing with your health, too. Don't be stupid."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Yes, Jacob was the one making stupid health decisions...

She's allowed to kill herself for a monster, Jacob fumed, but I'm not allowed to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?

"Get some rest, please," Bella insisted. "There's a few beds upstairs - you're welcome to any of them."

Rosalie's expression was suddenly fierce as she imagined Jacob going anywhere near her room.

He didn't miss that. What does Sleepless Beauty need a bed for anyway? Is she that possessive of her props?

I fought a smile. For someone capable of such lewd thoughts, I wouldn't have expected him to be so naïve.

"Thanks, Bells, but I'd rather sleep on the ground. Away from the stench, you know."

Bella grimaced. "Right."

Bells. I was definitely feeling better - no longer numb to my jealousy. There was a deeper undercurrent to it now. More possessive. More animalistic. I guessed this new edge was fostered by all that should not have passed on our honeymoon.

Yes, it was stronger. So much so that it almost felt like another entity in the room. But in some ways that made it easier to cope with and dismiss. She needed Jacob now. We all did.

The second cup Carlisle gave her brought even more drastic improvement. Her breaths grew deep and full, and then, suddenly, as if she were Jairus' daughter, Bella pulled herself forward into a sitting position completely unaided.

Jacob Black had saved her once again.

For a moment, I felt nothing but hope. So much hope.

"How do you feel now?" Carlisle asked.

"Not sick," she said. "Sort of hungry... only I'm not sure if I'm hungry or thirsty, you know?"

"Carlisle, just look at her," Rosalie murmured smugly. "This is obviously what her body wants. She should drink more."

"She's still human, Rosalie. She needs food, too. Let's give her a little while to see how this affects her, and then maybe we can try some food again. Does anything sound particularly good to you, Bella?"

"Eggs," she said automatically, and then she met my eyes. She smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

I was abruptly aware one of my views of Bella went dark. It was Jacob, struggling to stay conscious.

"Jacob," I murmured. "You really should sleep. As Bella said, you're certainly welcome to the accommodations here, though you'd probably be more comfortable outside. Don't worry about anything - I promise I'll find you if there's a need."

"Sure, sure," he mumbled. S'pose I can escape now that she looks like she has a few more hours in her. Go curl up under a tree somewhere... far enough away the smell won't reach me. Bloodsucker will wake me up if something goes wrong. He owes me.

"I do," I agreed. My debt to him was boundless.

He nodded and put his hand on Bella's. Her hand's ice. "Feel better."

"Thanks, Jacob." She squeezed his hand.

He could feel her wedding ring sliding loose on her finger. "Get her a blanket or something."

I felt deficient, missing entirely that she was uncomfortable while he realized it with one touch. Part of me wanted to ask him to stay and stand guardian for her in this more intimate way, but that wouldn't have been fair to him.

Esme appeared with a blanket just as two howls pierced the still morning air.

That's the real thing, Jacob thought after the previous false alarms. "Dammit," he snarled. He was a wolf before he hit the grass.


A/N: Thank you for reading! Don't forget to check out the first chapter of Vol. 1 (New Moon - Mid-Eclipse).