Chapter 30:
Later that night, when the ladies had retired to bed and Mr. Darcy had enjoyed a drink on his own in his study, he lightly knocked on his wife's door. He thought perhaps she had fallen asleep for there was no answer, so he opened the door softly and found her sitting there, quietly staring at herself in the mirror while she was mindlessly brushing her gorgeous long dark hair.
"Is something the matter, my dear?" asked Mr. Darcy, approaching his wife from behind, who did not seem to hear him enter the room.
"Hmm?" she asked, looking up at him. "Did you ask me something?" Elizabeth put her brush down and turned around to face him, giving him a weak smile.
"Yes" he said, looking at her intently. He helped her up and walked towards the window where there were two rose colored arm chairs facing each other. They each took their seat, still holding hands, as Elizabeth let out a heavy sigh.
"I am worried about Lydia" she said finally, "My Aunt has informed me that she was invited to go to Brighton. She is still very young and I am afraid quite immature" Lizzy added softly, hating to admit that he had been right. Her family almost ruined her and Jane's chances and even though Elizabeth was now married and hopefully soon Jane would be, her family could still ruin their reputation. She found a way to express all of this, in an embarrassing mumble.
"Elizabeth, my dear, they are my family now and as you are well aware, I too have embarrassing family members" he said, referring to Aunt Catherine, hoping to ease the tension. This caused Elizabeth to smile. "However, you are right that we should be concerned, that being said, I do not want Lydia in this house, I do not think it would be beneficial for Georgiana."
"No" said Elizabeth softly, "No it would not. Georgiana is learning how to think of the world and men differently, and after her trying experience, having Lydia around would only set her back, I believe."
"Exactly" said Mr. Darcy, squeezing her hand. "I will write to your father and offer a governess, perhaps your three younger sisters would all benefit from that."
"Indeed!" said Elizabeth, thinking how differently they would have all turned out if their father had taken care of their instruction. "I'll add a note to my father. I do not believe she should be allowed to go to Brighton."
"I agree you with my dear" said Mr. Darcy. "Would you like to write the letter now?"
"Oh no" said Elizabeth, "I cannot write letters by candlelight, it is too hard on my fine eyes" she added with a twinkle. "I shall leave it for the morning. Do you already have a governess in mind?"
"Yes, the one that was here with Georgiana when she was younger. I shall write to her tomorrow as well. Now, let us go to bed. I believe this house will only get livelier each day and we shall need our rest" said Mr. Darcy, letting out a heavy sigh.
"Why do you say that?" asked Elizabeth.
"Mr. Bingley intends to call on Jane tomorrow, I believe he would like to propose" he said.
"I see" said Elizabeth quietly. "In that case, I do believe we should rest" she teased.
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Jane Bennet did not remember London being such a marvelous town. She had never had such fun since the three weeks she had spent it at Darcy House. She felt she had grown into herself even more in such a short time—she had teased Lizzy that she had fallen in love with Mr. Darcy in only two weeks in Scotland and now, she too felt like time was making a fool of her and perhaps she too had fallen in love…
A bird chirping interrupted her thoughts and she looked up from the bench to see a family of birds chirping from a nest in a nearby tree.
Even though they were not in the country, Darcy House had a beautiful, albeit small, garden that Jane had loved visiting every morning. Jane was not fond of walking like Lizzy, but she too loved the beauty of nature and loved to enjoy it quietly.
"Miss Bennet" said a voice from behind her. She turned her head and was surprised to see Mr. Bingley approaching her, his hat held by hand. He had clearly just arrived.
"Mr. Bingley!" said Jane, standing up, "I was not expecting you."
"Good morning Miss Bennet, please do sit down" he said, motioning for her to sit back on the bench, "May I join you?" he asked politely.
"Of course" said Jane, in an expressionless answer, sitting back down as well.
"This is a lovely garden" said Mr. Bingley, looking around him and then settling his eyes on the beautiful Miss Bennet. "I am sorry Miss Bennet" he said, looking intently at her. Jane's eyes showed surprised and perhaps a hint of confusion.
"I do not have the pelasure of understanding you" said Jane.
"I am sorry for being such a blunderbuss!" he said, "I...oh, Miss Bennet, how I have practiced this" he said, letting out a sigh, "I love you. I have loved you since I first met you in the assembly and it took me not seeing you for three months and not being able to take you out of my mind to realize that. I am sorry I left you and did not return—the truth is that no one should have convinced me of otherwise."
"Then why were you convinced?" asked Jane, raising an eyebrow. Mr. Bingley was not expecting that response but he answered nonetheless.
"I thought you indifferent" he said simply.
"And now?" asked Jane, finding an inner confidence she never knew she had.
"What do you mean?" asked a confused Mr. Bingley.
"What do you think of me now? Am I still indifferent?" asked Jane. Mr. Bingley opened his mouth to speak but not words came out. "Since I have arrived in London, you have made your intentions clear and I have made my reception clear as well. Though I am flattered that you feel so strongly for me, Mr. Bingley, I am afraid I no longer feel the same way. I waited for you...for many months. I even came to London foolishly, hoping to see you, to get an answer of sorts. However, I have come to realize that I could never respect a man who not only was so easily influenced by others but that had no concern for my wellbeing during the time that he left me up for ridicule and hurt."
"Could this be true?" asked Mr. Bingley, more for himself than for Miss Bennet. Jane simply nodded, not wanting to cause him pain but thankful for the opportunity to have a private conversation with him. "Is this because of the Viscount?" asked Mr. Bingley, trying to hold back the emotions he was currently feeling. He knew she was upset, but he did not realize or perhaps did not want to accept all of her hints that she had already moved on, while he still held on to the hope…
Jane stood up in response and folding her hands in front of her, looked up again at the bird who now seemed to be chirping with more enthusiasm.
"I do not speak of others, Mr. Bingley. I would like to think you know well enough, at least to know that" she responded calmly. "I hope we can remain friends, I would not like to make this awkward for you, since Mr. Darcy is after all now my brother in law."
"Of course" said Mr. Bingley, standing up and putting his hat back on, his face an unreadable mess. "I thank you for your time."
"Good day, Mr. Bingley" she answered, curtsying and walking away, as fast as she could while still being ladylike back into the house, up the grand stairs and into her room, where she fell on her bed and cried. She cried for the silly Jane who had shed tears for such a man, she cried of relief for finally saying what she felt, and she cried for the man she knew she had hurt with her words.
Mr. Bingley walked into the other entrance from the Garden, past the drawing room, where Mr. Darcy saw him walk by and called out to him. He quickly said goodbye, explained he had spoken with Miss Bennet and without much explanation left just as quickly as he had arrived.
"I believed we missed it, my dear" said Mr. Darcy, when he sat back down with Elizabeth.
"Perhaps we did not need to rest at all" teased Elizabeth.
"Perhaps not" he said with a smile, though he was pained to see his friend thus. He knew what that face meant and he could not help but feel guilt that perhaps he too had a part in this and perhaps Mr. Bingley would not be able to see past that.
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Yay! School is back! Hope to have more time now to write...sorry for my absence! Summer/Back to School was intense. Happy to be back and ready to finish this beautiful story :)
