yay! whoot! lol, time for my first ever disclaimer! obviously I do not own any rights to the actual idea of Avatar, because if I did I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this story. However, I do own ever single OC in this story.
a new thing, At the beginning of some chapters I might list a song. If you own that song, I sugest you play it while reading, because it either a) goes along with what is happening b) a character is singing it or c) both a and b. but it will never be just B. now, for da first song! (I do not own it XD)
Drowning Lessons
My Chemical Romance
She walked with Iroh down the hall, silent.
"so, what do you think of Zuko now that you've met him in person?" Iroh said with a smile.
Even though she knew in her heart that he did not always talk to people the same way, she said what she felt now, "He's not any different than what people say he is. I've always been told he was a heartless young man. Now I know they were right," she sighed, "I guess I'd always hoped he'd be different than Ozai, being next in line and all."
She gasped when she realized she had said that to the Fire Lord's brother.
Iroh only smiled softly, "I'm sorry you feel that way. But trust me when I say he isn't always like that."
She smiled, "I know Iroh, believe me I know."
"Anyway, I brought you out here to talk to you about training."
She eyed him, "training?"
He looked at her, "Yes. Every person on this ship trains together, so far I am the only master on this ship. But since you can not bend…well, I have arranged for you to be trained in the art of swordsmanship."
She nodded, "You never mentioned what you wanted us to do while we were here, Luke and me."
Iroh smiled at her, "I want you to be members of the fighting forces. As you know we are trying to capture the Avatar."
She nodded, even though inside she was panicking. She was going to be trained to fight the Avatar?
"So when will I begin training?" she asked.
"Tomorrow. And your friend Luke will be bending with my nephew." He grinned at her, "By the way, what was going on in there?"
She groaned and told him what had happened. He laughed, "Good girl, loyalty like that is a good virtue. Now, let's go get some food. I have a feeling the cook is ready to serve dinner."
Iroh, being the eldest, had an elite position at the head of the table. But other than that you could sit wherever you wanted.
Iroh and Alex were the first to arrive of the "fighters". The servants ate in another part of the ship, so it was quiet in the room.
Iroh sat down and motioned for Alex to sit at his right side. She was shocked for a moment as she sat down, but then remembered that you could sit anywhere.
"You lived in the capital?" he asked with interest.
She nodded and helped herself to fried goose, "we lived in the main square. Or alongside it anyway." She sighed, "We had a great view of the palace gardens from the roof. I remember sitting up there with my older brother and just watching the people inside the walls." She stopped and glanced at Iroh sheepishly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."
He smiled, "It's all right."
She was also shocked that she had made up such an elaborate story. In fact she had gotten so into the story that for a moment she had seen a memory of the situation. How funny.
They talked for some more; Iroh shared funny stories about his family, and even one about his nephew.
"And then he was so angry at the guards for attempting to exterminate the poor beasts he collected all the stray cats and brought them into the palace!" he finished in a hushed voice, smiling.
She giggled, then sighed, "I wonder what happened."
"To Zuko? Well he—" Iroh started to tell her about Zuko's scar but she interrupted.
"No, I know about—about that," she looked up at him, "I mean, I wonder what changed. I wonder what happened to make him change from one moment defending an entire infantry of soldiers in the war room to hunting down a young boy." She gave a very small laugh, "I guess it must be after what happened. But I wonder sometimes. You know, if he'd be different now."
Iroh kept the enormous shock hidden from his face. Only people who had been in that room knew why Zuko had been forced to duel his father. It was impossible that she knew about it. But he pushed this thought aside for later viewing.
Bit by bit more people came into the room, smiling at Alex as they took their seats and began eating.
Meanwhile, Zuko and Luke were walking down the corridor to the dining hall. Since they had invested in a smaller, more low key ship, they were unable to host a private dining room for Zuko and his uncle.
They did not talk as they walked; only stared straight ahead. Each man had a different thought train cruising about his mind. But they all had one thing in common.
Luke was thinking about what had happened with Alex. Had he really wanted to—kiss her? Right now he didn't know. All he knew was that he barely knew her, but somehow it felt like he had known her for years.
He didn't know why, but the moment she had first looked up at him, wet and frightened, he had felt totally at ease with her. As they had walked to the port he had told her things he could never talk to anyone else about. About how he hated the war, how he was angry at his father for leaving for war, and how selfish he felt for feeling anger toward his father for being caught. All these things had tumbled out of his mouth and he didn't know why.
But in that room all his feelings of anger and hatred had fled his body as he had looked into her eyes. For a moment he had connected with her in a way he would never connect with another person as long as he lived. But that moment was shattered when she had uttered those four words.
"I barely know you."
Oh how those words had cut into his skin like a hot knife through butter. Every absent and crazy thought fled his mind as he looked into her saddened eyes. At that moment he regretted every harsh word he had said to her. He was not normally like that, regretting things. But something about her made him want to please her, to impress her, to cater to her every whim—event though she asked for nothing from him.
He sighed.
Zuko too was thinking about his own experience with the girl. It had been many years since he had seen a girl with such a spirit, one that could rival his own. The closest he had come was that Waterbender who traveled with the Avatar.
But his mind was not kind to him.
She's nothing like you. She has loyalty. She kept your secret from her friend. She's kind and compassionate. She does things for a reason. You don't deserve her.
He blinked. What? Did he ever think he wanted to deserve her? No, impossible. And what happened to her being a con artist?
That's just it. You saw her with him. It's obvious she doesn't care. You were foolish to ever think she cared about you for anything besides your money and your title. Face it; no woman could ever love such a cruel, heartless man.
'I don't care. I don't need—love. Who does? And I definitely don't want it from her. I'm alone because I'm strong, and I'm strong because I'm alone. This is a war, there isn't time for that.'
Then why did you feel so strange when she first looked into her eyes at the port? When she touched your arm you felt something. It was foolish but it was there.
'It's only because it's been so long—'
So long since what? Since you've seen a girl? Please, you never had those thoughts when you saw the Waterbender.
'She never looked at me that way. She never touched me that way. She was an enemy to me, and a threat to my nation.'
You know why she never looked at you that way? Oh, maybe because you're trying to kill a twelve year old boy. Oh yes, not kill him sorry. Capture and torture him. That was your motive I believe.
'Stop it. You're messing with my mind.'
I am your mind.
'Nothing is going on. I don't feel anything except anger when I look at her. I want to—to—'
To kill her.
'No, that's not it at all. I want to strangle her. But I guess that's the same isn't it?
Obviously. You'll see. First it starts off when she touches you gently, looks into your eyes and smiles. Then comes the gentle embrace, the long and soothing embrace. After that she'll kiss you. It all adds up, she just wants your money and your title. That's all.
'That's not true. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that. I'll never touch her in anyway. Unless I'm choking her.'
That's exactly why no one cares. No one cares Zuko, no one ever cares.
He sighed.
They entered the dining room to see most of the crew eating. Zuko noticed his uncle sitting at the end and he himself took his usual place at his left hand. He looked over the table and was surprised to see Alex, talking quietly and stiffly with Luke, who was seated next to her.
He had half expected her to show up to dinner in an improper manner. There were many rules involving the dress code of women aboard navy ships.
But no, she was dressed and appeared exactly the way she was supposed to.
Her hair was tied behind her head in a customary bun – although her's way a bit loose and messy, but that didn't matter – and her bangs were placed across her face and tucked behind her left ear. Her black sweatshirt – he realized he still didn't know what she was wearing underneath – was zipped up to just below her collarbone.
He silently mussed his approval. Woman's hair was to be cut short or pulled back in a bun of some sort. Clothing did not matter as much for casual wear, but at dinner it had to be decent, and thus the high zippered jacket. They were not required to wear their armor at dinner. He himself wore his usual casual wear (Long red shirt, dark pants, and low boots).
She also seemed to know that the left hand of the highest ranking officer (Iroh in this case) was reserved for either the second highest rank or important people. He of course took this place.
She ate daintily, and he noticed with semi amusement that his men had seen her eating and were mimicking her the best they could. Unlike the usual manner of naval crew – who ate quickly and messily – they were eating quickly, yet with better manners.
Alex glanced up at Zuko. She knew it was custom for women to remain silent at the dinner table unless being spoken to. But that was all right. She had nothing to say.
Iroh spoke to her though, and she was obliged to answer, "Tell me, how do you know so much about navy customs?" he was referring to her manner and dress.
She smiled, "My father joined the navy many years ago. He taught me and my brother everything I knew." She once again saw a memory in her mind. But it couldn't be a memory, right? For she was making this all up as she went along.
Iroh smiled, "What was your father's name?"
She looked at him nervously, "well I—"
Zuko interrupted, "why would he teach a girl about the fire navy?" he asked.
She looked at him sharply, "Because he had no one else to teach."
"You said he taught your brother? What happened to him then?" he said back.
"He's dead," she said softly. She turned to Iroh, thus she was unable to see the look of surprise on Zuko's face, "Excuse me Iroh, I think I'll get some air." She bowed her head and left.
After she had gone Iroh turned to his nephew and shook his head sadly.
Iroh found her on the deck, leaning against the railing again, looking over the horizon at the pitch black sky. She was silent, but he then noticed her signing to herself softly.
"A kiss goodbye, a twisted shell, as white things and roses fall at you feet. We say goodbye, the hundredth time. And tomorrow we'll do it again…"
She stopped and sighed to herself softly.
"You have a beautiful voice, have you considered joining music night?" he said with a smile.
She gasped and turned around, "Iroh! You frightened me."
"I would hope not," he said, still smiling. He then frowned however, "I need to ask you a very serious question,"
"Yes sir?" she asked cautiously.
"Were you there?" that was all he said. Pure and simple. As they looked at each other they both understood each other.
But two people watched who did not. Above the main deck, just inside the ship captain's quarters, Luke watched. He was alone, he had been asked to watch the wheel for a moment whilst the captain took care of some brief errands.
He watched her intently, not sure what Iroh was talking about.
And just across the deck Zuko watched from the doorway. For some reason he had wanted to come up to the deck and now he watched curiously as his uncle spoke with the girl.
Alex looked at him sadly and then turned her head, "Yes. I was." She looked up at the sky, "It was so horrid. I couldn't sleep for weeks just thinking about it." She remembered seeing the Agnai Kie, but she saw the memory in real life. More and more frequently she found herself remembering these things, and not for the first time she wondered if for some reason, when she had dropped her, if she had been given a past as well.
Iroh nodded sadly, "That's all I wanted to know. Good night Alex," he started to turn but looked at her again, "You're a beautiful girl Alex, you shouldn't filter your life away on a ship like this."
"Goodnight Iroh," she said softly as he turned and went below deck via the on deck hatch.
Luke too left as the captain returned. The captain couldn't see nor hear anything that was happening below, because he simply did not try to, unlike Luke.
Zuko was now alone with the girl again. He approached her at the rail just as he had done so the first time.
She was staring out at the sea, signing again.
"And back there I felt it where no one could see. A lifeless pelt into this world, I stared as this moment was held for me…"
Zuko felt an odd feeling in his stomach. Memories came back to him, when he had been in the palace. He didn't know for certain, but he was almost sure that he had heard that same song being sung just beyond the palace walls.
She turned and looked at him, "What do you want?" she asked.
"I—" actually, he didn't really know what it was he was going to say once she had faced him. But she spoke up instead.
"I think I've solved our housing problem," she said dryly.
He raised his brows, telling her to go on.
She nodded, "Yeah, I'll sleep in the prison hold."
It was very silent. For a moment Zuko thought she was joking. But the look on her stubborn face told him she was dead serious.
"Do you resent me so much that you'd rather sleep in a dark, musty, uncomfortable prison hold than on a cot in my room?"
She shrugged, "I see no difference."
He wanted to do a million things right now. He wanted to hit her laugh, cry, run, scream…die.
He exhaled sharply, "Look, I don't like this idea any better than you do…"
"What about naval rules?" she asked, looking at him sharply.
Damn.
"It doesn't count right now," when she rolled her eyes he only glared at her, "I don't care if you stay out here al night. But you have to sleep sometime. When you're ready there's a cot in the corner. Don't worry about me, I'll be sleeping."
As he turned to leave he heard her say to herself, "No one cares, no one ever cares."
A creepy, tingling feeling washed over him when she said that, but he only continued down the steeps to his room.
And as she stood on the bow of this ship she whispered seven words, "I wish everything was back to normal."
