Floor Roast


Recap. I'm at my parents' house, the place we call "The Burrow". Mum's finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm in love with, getting married to and am knocked up by Remus J Lupin, the sexiest Defence against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts has ever seen. Ron and Hermione are also having a baby, if they ever admit it. Sirius Black has compensation from the Ministry for their "slight mix up" over his morals. Not that he has any, mind you. Remus is at Hogwarts with a gorgeous blonde and is trying to come up with a cure for lycanthropy.

Oh yeah, and I am in the mood for baked beans and custard.

Not together. Jeeze! My cravings aren't that bad!

Believe it or not, but there was another family dinner tonight. Ron called us together for it. I wonder if he'll finally tell everyone that he was playing "hide the salami" with Hermione. I doubt it. My brother has two fears, among many. One: spiders. He can't stand them. He's a huge sooky baby when it comes to them. The second is, of course, our mother. Totally warranted. She is Howler happy.

'Hermione, is it a betrayal to everything I believe in if I'm getting into maternity wear?' I asked as I walked out my door. The easy months were over and I was growing really big. Big big. The "side of a house" big.

She raised an eyebrow. 'And what do you believe in, Ginny?'

'High heels, short skirts and a pile of make up.' I sighed as I remembered how good I used to look "back in the day". 'What about you, Hermione? What do you think of maternity clothes?' Not so subtle hint there.

Hermione went slightly pink in the cheeks and lowered her eyes. 'Oh, er, some of it is very nice.' Quickly catching herself, she pointed to the dress I was wearing. 'I like this.'

'Thanks.' We sat down on the sofa in sync. 'Maybe I'll lend it to you.' This was a complete lie since Hermione's flowing robes were hiding her little bun in the oven quite well.

'Uh, thanks.' She muttered.

I think I'm a bit of a sadist.

I was reminded of the night I was waiting for Remus to come to the Burrow when I introduced him as my lover. Except, Charlie couldn't make it tonight due to "business". That just meant he either melted his face off again, or he was at a bar trying to pick up chicks. Either way, he was going to be burnt.

Ron walked into the room looking more nervous than I was when mum was beating up those spring onions. Hermione walked over to Ron and touched his arm, obviously talking to him through body language. I didn't have to feel left out for long, because two people stepped out of the fireplace, giving me a good enough excuse to leave the sickening love birds.

Remus was there, along with none other than Fay. Fay, Fay, Fay. She was going to make me wear my teeth away from grinding them all the time. I brushed some of the dirt from Remus' clothes and gave him a hug.

In turn, he gave me a wry grin. 'I see you've made up with me.' He muttered.

'Shut up you,' I stuck my tongue out, but it was good to have him banter with me again. I hated it when he was too serious. He was a real stick in the mud then. Sighing, I looked meaningfully at Fay, who was daintily cleaning herself of dust. 'Let me guess, she would have been all alone and you had to bring her along. To a Weasley family dinner. For Weasleys.' The last part wasn't really needed, but hell, I wanted to emphasise the WEASLEY part of it.

Remus looked a tad sheepish. 'Sorry.'

I shrugged. 'Hey, don't be sorry yet. Be sorry when she's eating baby mash at the kiddies' table.' With a swish of my tablecloth of a dress, I left them and walked into the kitchen.

Mum was acting like we were serving the Queen, which is even worse than cooking when she's mad. She makes food automatically when she's angry. When she's frantically cooking, she makes mistakes and blames whoever's closest. Which happened to be me when the roast slipped out of her hands.

Thankfully, I had my wand on me, and I stopped it from going splat on the floor. No matter how many times a day my mum washes it, it isn't safe to eat off yet. The tray made a racket on the ground and my mum went a little crazy.

'GINNY WEASLEY! MUST YOU WALK INTO MY KITCHEN WHEN YOU KNOW I'M BUSY COOKING A DINNER YOUR NO GOOD BROTHER MAKES ME HAVE. JUST BECAUSE HE'S CONFESSING ABOUT GETTING HERMIONE PREGNANT DOESN'T MEAN THAT—,'

I bet I was as pale as a ghost by the time my mum got to this point. She was looking scarier than a dragon with PMS, which almost made me let the roast go. So. My mum knew about the Hermione/Ron problem. And she'd just spilt it to my entire family. Way to go mum.

Fred and George entered at this stage, always on the lookout for trouble, even at their age. Their eyes widened and they simply backed out of the room. Lucky buggers. I waved my wand and put the roast on the bench and then picked up the tray from the floor.

Mum was hyperventilating and trying to move the food on to the table at the same time. I didn't know what to do; I wasn't sure whether I was meant to apologise, or to get angry, or to just shut up and help. I did the only thing I knew how to do. I made lame jokes.

'That roast! Nearly got away from us, eh mum?' I forced a chuckle and then poured myself a glass of water. When in doubt, drink water. After gulping down a few gallons, I continued. 'Mum, do you need some assistance there?' I asked, motioning to the cake she was icing.

'Go greet the family. And keep the children occupied.'

Brilliant. Just brilliant. She gave me the worst job imaginable. I had to keep an eye on all the little ankle biters. I don't think that was a good thought to have about kids when I was pregnant with one. Why couldn't I be giving birth to a nice goldfish or something? They don't whine and make messes in their pants.

I heard the knock on the door and answered it. It was my Uncle Paul and Aunt Viv. They'd brought my cousin Emma in all her three year old, pigtailed glory. She was one of those kids who adored pink, ponies and pulling heads off dolls.

'Uncle Paul! Aunt Viv!' I exclaimed, kissing cheeks and collecting coats. With far less enthusiasm I said, 'Emma.'

She was making a face at me and looked like a fish. Maybe I would be giving birth to something far closer to a goldfish than I originally thought…

'I heard your mum all the way down the road.' Aunt Viv told me with a raised eyebrow. 'What happened?'

'I think you might want to see Aunt Jen. She's the gossip queen of the family.' I told her wearily.

They thanked me and went to see how much of what my mother had said was true. I shoved the coats into the closet and looked down at Emma. She was picking her nose with as much relish as Remus got from eating a block of chocolate.

'Hey, Em, what's happening?' I asked her in a false excited voice.

'Nothing.' She told me, still bogie hunting.

'Want to go to my room? I have a teddy bear collection that can't be beat.'

Her eyes lit up and she looked at me, her hand hanging from her nose. 'Teddy bears?'

'Yeah.' I ruffled her hair as she ran up the stairs.

I was impressed. I'd managed to be a cool cousin and work on my children skills. I wasn't going to be a hopeless mother. I was going to be Supermum! I bounced over to Remus to tell him the good news.

'I'm not going to kill my children!' I told him with a big smile on my face.

He did a double take. 'What was that?'

'I'm not going to kill my children. I'm going to be a good mother.'

The relief on his face was amazing. 'Wonderful. How did things go in the kitchen?'

'You don't want to know.' I said.

Ron appeared in the lounge room again, but he had more colour in his cheeks. Dad must've given him some of the Firewhiskey we kept for "special occasions". 'Um, dinner's ready.' He announced with the passion of a limp lettuce.

Everyone moved out to the backyard and sat down at the table. Fay looked like a supermodel at an "all you can eat night" at the Three Broomsticks. I took pity on her and didn't make her sit at the kiddie table. However, Emma did want to learn all about Fay's life thus far, so I gave her the chance to ask all the questions she wanted by seating her next to the poor woman.

'Before we start I would like to, er, make a toast.' Ron said. He was standing and holding a glass of wine in his hand. 'To Hermione and our unborn child.'

Fighting the urge to shout "I knew it!", I murmured "To Hermione" and took a long sip of pumpkin juice. My brother was showing more guts than I knew he had, and I was mildly impressed. The only things that would have made this night better would have been mum to recover from her state of catatonia and for me to be able to go back to the castle with Remus.

Fay tugging at my sleeve interrupted my thoughts. 'Ginny, I think Emma wants to tell you something…'

I smiled, feeling as if I could take on anything. Bring. It. On. 'Yes, Em?'

She smiled at me and showed me the savagely torn head of my favourite teddy bear, minus his body. 'Your teddy bears are fun.'


Author's Note: Ok, I'm really sorry about not getting to this sooner, but I have school and I had overdue assignments, not to mention a whole lot of emotional stuff going on with my friends (sometimes I wish people would just hate me and get it over and done with!) Oh, and I have several projects going on at once (a well planned back in time fic is emerging at the moment, you know, since Book 5 is out and I haven't written anything with Book 5 stuff in it.) Anyway! Thank you for being patient and now I'll reply to your reviews!

Neni Potter: I think Remus and Ginny are perfect for each other, too. He would never cheat on her...or would he? *Shifty eyes*

Aurora Bailey: Thanks :) Sorry I didn't put it up sooner. Hmm, I always seem to say that. I truly am sorry this time!

CrazyGirl23: Thanks for liking it. As you can see, I have written more ;)

demonlordofkaranda: I think I need some serious punishment for not doing anything for so long! Ok, I've updated. I hope you haven't grown old and died in the mean time...

LTDan: The more I write about Fay, the more I have come to realise that I'm taking the mickey out of my friend for her love of Mary Sues. Thanks for hating her, it means I've done my job. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope *this* wait wasn't too long...

Chocolate Muse: Thanks for the hugs and the review. I think I've stayed in first person Ginny for too long. I'm imaginging sardines in Butterbeer *makes face*. Hope you liked this one, if you're still alive ;)

Xela: Mmm, raw sugar. See, that's what I should be on. I'd get so much done if I never slept. Sorry this chapter got "jammed in the machine", so to speak.

SnogginGodess: Any sane woman wouldn't mind to have Sirius Black as their sex slave, but we all know Ginny is a bit nuts :D. Thanks for the review!

Iselin: Ah, my dear beta reader. Thanks for continuing to review my stories, even if your notes in the middle of the chapter are more than enough (*hee hee*). Thanks for being there, and for reviewing :)

LTDan: Thanks. I tried writing a Ginny/Draco Ginny/Remus fic once. It started off ok, but I so couldn't get Draco's character. And he only had three lines! I think it was the naked picture Ginny drew of him (she was being all dark and artsy. Don't blame me! I was listening to Jeff Buckley!) Here, I've updated :D

aikone: Thanks for all the reviews :) I think I may reply in one spot.
The problem with writing Ginny as this funny is that it's sometimes hard to get out of the habit and then go and write angst or something for my other fic that I'm writing. However, it does come in handy for another project I have, *wink wink*. Ah yes, I forgot Fay shrieked. Well, one more thing for Ginny to hate. Yeah, I wrote the first chapter about a month before Book 5, but decided to keep going since everyone I showed liked it. That's why the shop has a different location in the first chapter. I do like replying to the reviews, and I love it when people reply to mine. This Sirius is probably a toned down version of him in my fic, WtPNY. Thanks for reviewing :D.

Xela: I'm really really really sorry. My dad was changing from cable to ADSL that night, and I was really pissed off (to say the least). I hope this makes up for it.

ANONI-MOUSE: *Sheepish* Sorry. If you're still alive, enjoy this chapter. If not, Rest in Peace.

Nikka4: Updated. Sorry :(


On a completely different note I think I can share some good news with you. Since people have been saying: "Paige, how the hell did Remus and Ginny get together? Was it superglue? I bet it was superglue." and I stole Ginny from earlier plot bunnies AND I have a pile of ideas that need to be either removed from my computer or written entirely....I have decided to mash them all together and create "Impulsive Behaviour". Impulsive Behaviour will be the prequel to The B Word. (Ha ha, I scared Iselin by telling her I was quitting the b word instead of writing how they got together. Muhahaha, I'm evil.) I'm pretty sure I want it to be on my website instead of on ff.net.

Hope you guys could handle the wait :)