Author's Preliminary Note: Well readers. I've finally managed to write the chapter and actually upload it. Joy. I decided I'd go against everything I believe in and write this. The...

Obligatory Cliche Chapter


Weddings are, in general, no fun. You have all the work to do leading up to it and when they are flung upon you, you're choking on stifling hot dresses and eating stale crackers with what could be cat food. If you're a guest, you have to give super expensive gifts lest you get a statue of a chicken at your own wedding. If you're the bride or groom you have to have a fake smile on your face the entire time while people joke about the wedding night. Not to mention the fact that, if soap operas are anything to go by, the best man is always in love with the bride and they get together and cause heartache and good ratings.

I hadn't even had mine yet and I hated it.

'Ginny, I would really like to see you in a delicious creamy silk.' Neville told me as he wrapped me up in swaths of material. He was either making a mummy out of me, or he was seeing how I looked in the colour. I was going to go with the latter.

'Oh Neville! You saw plenty of me in silk when we were younger!' I winked and he went bright red. Our former sex life wasn't that funny. Except for the time he asked me to wear a hat with a stuffed vulture on it. His problems with his grandmother go way beyond the norm.

'Yes. Well.' He coughed and turned his attention to the piles of fabric on the table. 'I was thinking maybe a nice sorbet pink for the bridesmaids –,'

'Woah! Slow down there Neville boy! You said no pink!' I exclaimed. Pink is the worst possible colour. Ever. Nothing can redeem it from its awfulness. Especially if it's on a bridesmaid's dress.

'Ginny, in any other situation I would let you have your way. But,' he sighed and stroked the material as if it was gold, 'this is gorgeous!'

'I don't like pink, Neville.' I told him through clenched teeth. 'I would rather kiss Snape.'

'Snape's gay, you know.'

'Huh, wha…?' Talk about changing subjects. Oh well. Snape gossip was good.

'Yep. He's into whips and leather and all that sort of thing. I saw him at a club once, I was with Brian at the time, and it was excellent. Made me feel better about all the times he mortified me in Potions. I went over to him and said "Hello Professor. Imagine seeing you here!" all casual like. He looked like he could just die.' Neville had a dreamy look on his face. 'I'll always treasure the way he said "Certainly explains a few things, doesn't it, Longbottom?"'

I laughed so hard tears came out of my eyes. Neville was beaming at me, pleased he'd made me laugh. 'Oh, that's marvellous!' I grinned. 'I wonder what else there is about Snape that we don't know.'

'No you don't. That would mean that you actually think about Snape.'

'Ooh, right. Bad thoughts.'

'So sorbet pink it is?' Neville asked.

'Wait a second buddy!' I never thought he would do a dirty, underhanded thing like that. 'Pink is bad.'

'Ginny! Please! I've never asked you for anything before!'

I sighed. Stupid guilt. Neville was too nice for me to deny him something so trivial. It is just a colour, right? 'As long as you don't go overboard.'

He grinned and put the sample of fragment of material in a pile. I wasn't entirely sure he could tell the difference between that and the several other shades bobbing around, but whatever floats his boat.


It was early afternoon by the time I got out of Neville's foul's grip. I had samples for Remus to look over and say "yay" or "nay" to. Everything was pretty peachy keen, if you catch my drift. I used this all as an excuse to visit the hunky werewolf himself, and Flooed to Hogwarts.

'I don't know if you should see him immediately, Miss Weasley.' Dumbledore warned me.

'Why's that?' I asked, bored. Dumbledore always seemed to want to use up all my time, and that is time I could be smooching Remus. I hadn't seen him for a week and was beginning to miss him like crazy. 'Another one of your creepy feelings?'

He gave me a benevolent smile. 'So eloquently said.'

'That's me. Eloquent to the very end.' I gave him a Ginny Grin™ and headed towards Remus' room. The whole routine of being-told-there's- danger-then-going-to-Remus'-room was comforting. You know, if you forgot the whole part about danger. I could deal with danger. I'd give danger a wedgie and steal its shoes. And I'm pregnant. Ha ha, I am so badass!

I could hear some strange and disconcerting sounds coming from Remus' room. Odd, very odd. There would be an explanation, of course. It probably involved a cheese sandwich, a freaky dream and an afternoon nap. With this cheesy, dreamy, nap-like thought in my head, I opened the door.

Right. So there was none of that in Remus' room. Instead I got an eyeful of Remus with his pants down and his lap containing an underdressed Faye Lyrebird. I blinked. Um. Something not right here. Why wasn't Remus wearing pants? Why was Faye kissing Remus? Why did Remus have his hands on her butt? OH DEAR GOD!

Remus. Kissing. Faye. It was as if all my worst nightmares had arrived at once and started doing the cancan in my mother's negligee. I blinked. Nope, they were both still there and still smooching like two teenagers in an empty house. HOW DARE HE? I think I might have said that aloud (and loud) because they stopped writhing and moaning and looked at me guiltily. Remus was trying to get up but Faye was getting in the way. I wasn't sure I could move.

I closed the door. Ok, more like slammed it with the force for several Very Pissed Off Dragons. My thoughts were basically: Remus, bastard, Faye, slut, me, walk. I was hoping that my anger would carry me out of the castle so that I could break down in tears somewhere nice and with easy access to chocolate. The bell rang and students started flooding out into the corridors, creating an obstacle course of people.

Snape was at the exit and had a superior look on his face. 'Miss Weasley. Leaving so soon?'

I stared at him. 'What? What do you want from me?'

'I don't think it's very appropriate for you, as a former student, be constantly at Hogwarts.'

'Yeah?' My voice was shaking and I knew I was going to say something I shouldn't. 'I don't think it's very appropriate for you, as a teacher at this fine establishment, to be using your dungeon for something other than Potions, if you know what I mean, Professor.'

The corridor was quiet, except for a few titters in the background. Snape's face was clouded over and I was sure, if I had been a man, he would have hit me. 'I think you should leave now.'

I glared at him and stepped outside into the cool afternoon sun. I had no idea where I was going. I didn't want to go to the Burrow because my mother would annoy me and I would have to pay attention to the whole thing. I couldn't get piss-drunk. I couldn't work at the store. Where else could I go?

Thankfully, my feet knew what to do and I was half way down the path to Hogsmeade before I realised I was outside. By the time the fact I was half way down the path to Hogsmeade had registered in my brain I was in the centre of town and in the process of bumping into Sirius.

'Ginny?' He asked. As if he couldn't tell. How many pregnant redheads did he know? Ok, seeing as it was Sirius, that wasn't the best question to ask.

'I'm so sorry, Sirius.'

'Hey, it's ok Gins.' He peered at my face. 'Or is it? Are you ok?' I shook my head. 'What's the matter, kiddo?'

He'd pay for the kiddo line. 'Remus. Faye. Snogging.'

Sirius frowned. 'I think this requires some sort of drink.'

'Don't bring up drinks. I can't. Pregnancy and all.'

He sighed. 'Pumpkin juice for you, Firewhiskey for me.'

We walked over to the Three Broomsticks and stole a table from a drunk who had slid to the floor. Sirius ordered and I contemplated my hands. Remus' ring wasn't actually on my finger since my hands had swollen. That meant I couldn't have a big, dramatic show of throwing the ring at his feet. Damn.

When the drinks had arrived, Sirius downed his shot and looked at me.

'Right. About the snogging. Now, are you sure you've got the right guy? You know Remus. The tall, lanky bloke? The one in love with you? With all the morals?'

I nodded. Oh bugger. Not tears. Tears were the last thing I wanted to have. You know, apart from an unfaithful lover. 'The thing about morals is that you can do anything you want, call it morals and get away with it as long as you say you believe in it.'

He chuckled softly, almost ruefully, and gave me an awkward hug. I hated being pregnant. I was so sick of not being able to do anything (and obviously I was doing nothing for Remus if he had to kiss Perfect Faye), not least of all was having a nice, normal hug. My fat stomach got in the way and made things uncomfortable. Hugging behind a table makes all those problems twice as bad.

'I hate being pregnant,' I told his chest. 'No wait, I hate Remus.'

'You know he's going to have a completely understandable explanation for all this.' Sirius was smoothing my hair and it felt lovely. I decided right then and there that I was coming back as a cat in my next life. 'He'll tell you that he was administering a potion through his mouth and you'll forgive him and shag like rabbits and have lots of kids so I can spend all my money on godson's and goddaughters.'

I smiled for a split second, then remembered. 'He groped her arse. It was hardly one sided, or a life saving situation. He had his pants down as well.'

He was silent and it was a good thing too. If he had mentioned hormones I would have kicked him where it hurts (my reasoning behind God being a female). My nose was running like crazy so I leant out of his arms and wiped it on my hanky. It was one that my mother had made me, which made me feel really shocking since she was never supportive of my engagement to Remus. She would never let me live it down if Remus did turn out to be a strayer.

I was feeling miserable and Sirius was giving me a weird look, like I was his own personal Messiah.

And then he did the stupidest and most Sirius-like thing he could have done.

He held my face in his hands and kissed me, making sure I knew why he had made all those women (and, from the tales I'd heard, men) melt in mere seconds. I felt like I was worse than Faye. I felt like someone in a soap opera with no control over myself.

'Oh.' I said softly. 'I think I just wet my pants.'


More noting by the author: Is this my first ever cliffhanger? I think it might be ;). Thank you to Colette for bearing with me, for not bearing with me and giving me a verbal kick up the arse, for giving it the Colette Stamp of Approval and for running off with Canadian children when I'd just finished a chapter. Thanks also go to Jenn because she's Jenn. Oh, and thank you to anyone who ever went "Gee, I wish Madame Wolf would update."

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Kristine: Hmm. I'd sex it up, but being the 15 year old I am, I am lacking in uhmm...practical knowledge in that field. Besides, PGiness is always good. Unless you want sex, so yeah. I guess it isn't always good. Now I've confused myself :(

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Uh yes. Thank you everyone who looked at the B Word. Look out for the next chapter: Bed Pans of Mass Concussion!