Standard disclaimers applied. See Prologue for further details.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for everyone's interest so far. I really hope that an ER-Awtr crossover is working out so far. I have exams for the next two weeks, so it will probably be a little late before I post the next chapter (it's already written but I have to find time to post it). Sorry about that!
Chapter 2: Deja vu
With that, Neela tied up old business from the other apartment and moved in with Ray. She had anticipated a huge adjustment period but she was surprised by the opposite. Due to their schedules, she rarely saw Ray. She worked the morning shift and came home to crash onto her bed. By then, he would probably be on his way out to one of his gigs or just about to start the midnight shift. By morning, she would be up eating breakfast, when the sound of his house keys inserting into the lock could be heard.
Whenever they had a chance to meet, it was done with a cursory nod of the head. They communicated through impersonal post-it notes that were on the fridge, on the shelves, or on the doors of their respective bedrooms. It was unspoken that Ray took care of the utilities and the rent as Neela would leave her share of the payment in a carefully-marked envelop and attached with a magnet to the fridge. Likewise, another envelope with money inside could be found next to it from Ray for Neela to buy groceries, hygiene products and the little things for the apartment. This was their routine for about a month into their living arrangements, until the new schedules came out and they were both got stuck doing the afternoon rotation.
Then, they seemed to see each other everywhere, at work and at the apartment. They had opposing working habits. Neela liked to take their time with her patients, no matter how difficult the case. By the time the health history was done, she would know the names of every pet that they had since the age of five. She was thorough, and sometimes got yelled at by Weaver and Pratt for ordering unnecessary tests. Beyond that, her work was exemplary. By the end of the day, she would meet some sort of unspoken quota of patients, even if it meant missing a few breaks in between.
Ray, as Dr. Lewis observed during his first few weeks at County, discharged patients much more quickly. It didn't mean he wasn't doing his job properly. Certain cases got to him like girls who were victims of abusive boyfriends, foster children, and especially cancer patients. Nobody quite understood the connection that Ray had with the oncology field, but he connected with them better than anybody else could.
Often, they would congregate at the admission desk, doing some documentation and signing off previous charts. Ray was uncharacteristically quiet, but they really had nothing to say to each other. Instead, they continued working with heads down on their charts, until Abby came by to break the silence.
"Neela, you're probably happy to hear that the girl in Exam 3 pulled through her surgery without any complications. Good job. If you hadn't caught that embolism when you did, she probably wouldn't have made it."
"Thanks, Abby." The patient had come with shortness of breath and chest pain. At first, it was suspected to be a bad case of the cold, until a screen found a clot in the patient. Neela was glad that her patient pulled through.
The older brunette studied the young Indian doctor in front of her. "You know Neela, I don't ever see you smile anymore."
Neela was shock by her ex-roommate's comment. "What do you mean? I smile."
"Yes and no ... I lived with you for awhile, Neela. I might not know all your moods but I know what I am talking about when I say your smile never reaches your eyes anymore."
Before Abby could further explain herself, her pager went off. The brunette excused herself, leaving a very confused Neela behind. Ray of course, had heard the exchange, but he was struck by one part of the conversation. I lived with you for awhile, Neela. I might not know all your moods but I know what I am talking about when I say your smile never reaches your eyes anymore.
He looked up as if seeing his roommate for the first time. He didn't want to admit the fact that he didn't really know of Neela's moods, despite living in the same apartment as her. They were two people who live a parallel existence, without ever crossing. He was about to say something, but stopped when he realized that she had already left for one of the exam rooms.
Ray waited for Neela by the emergency bay at the end of the shift. Sometimes, one of them would go home first if the other pulled a double or did some overtime hours. Yet, on the rare occasion that they could get out at a reasonable time, they would wait for each other to go home. She came out into the cold November air with only a sweater on over her uniform. At the sight of him, she said, "Thanks for waiting, Ray," before letting out a shiver from the cold.
Seeing this, he took off his jacket and holding it for her to slip her arms through. "C'mon Neela, I don't want you getting a chill."
She nodded gratefully and enveloped herself with the material. He was glad that he brought the van today as they slid to the welcome warmth of the car. Music came from the CD that he had previously put in. Ray did not remember which one it was, so he just let the songs played accordingly, until he concluded that it was a bunch of random tracks. Most of them were from his band's demo tapes. Ray wondered if Neela minded him playing rock but as he glanced over at her, she had her eyes closed and leaning against the window.
Ray turned his attention back onto the road and trying to guess the next song on the track. Then he froze at the familiar lyrics played out ...
I
close my eyes,
And
even when I'm sleeping
I'm
alright,
'Cause
you are in my life
Once
upon a time...
He reached forward to switch to turn off the CD and clicked to the nearest rock station. Neela's eyes snapped open and said, "Why did you change it? It was a nice song."
'Of course, it was a nice song.' However, he was not in the mood to elaborate on the ramifications behind it. "No, it was a mistake," he said aloud.
"What do you mean it was a mistake?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it."
His tone left no argument. Neela did not press, partly she was too tired to argue and the other, she was perceptive to see that Ray was upset by it. 'How can a single song affect him so much?'
Neela had to come to grips with the knowledge that she hardly knew the guy that she was living with. She tried to remember the last real conversation that they had and found that she couldn't. 'I'm just too tired.'
Landon was clutching the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white. 'This is different,' he told himself. Neela wasn't Jamie and Neela had no idea what that particular song meant.
They were in his car, when the song came on. Jamie reached over to turn up the volume, but he had to reach over to turn it over to rock. Back and forth, they did this, until she conceded to him.
"Fine," she said.
"Thank you," he replied.
It was just one of many seemingly insignificant moments, but he remembered them all. Ray parked the car in front of their apartment and took a deep calming breath before he nudged Neela awake.
"Listen Neela, I didn't mean to snap at you."
Her chocolate brown eyes studied him for awhile, but they softened at the sight of his worried countenance. "Don't worry about it, Ray. We're all stressed."
Just liked that she forgave him, as they made their way up to their apartment. Neela quickly jumped into the shower and Ray made his way over to the balcony. He found it comforting at times to look at the constellations. Tonight however, he had a specific star in mind.
Neela came out to find Ray peering through the telescope. She always found it peculiar that he would be interested in something like this. From the look of the instrument, it looked like it was handmade but still well-treasured. Neela never had the chance to question him about it.
"So, what are you doing?"
He started at the sound of her voice until he caught the sight of her. He bend down again to fiddle with the scope before looking up again and said, "Take a look."
He stepped away to allow her space to the eyepiece. "Saturn. Wow, it's beautiful."
"Yeah, one of nature's miracles," he concurred.
She cocked her head at his words. "I get it," she said.
"Get what?"
"That, you're into this stuff."
His breath was caught. Another time and place, he had a similar conversation, except the lines were spoken by different people.
He hobbled after Jamie at the cemetery. "Hey, what're you doing here?"
"I should ask you the same question."
"Do you normally walk by yourself in the cemetery at night?"
"Maybe," was her quick reply as she turned and walked away.
"Hey, where are you going?"
She pointed her flashlight at him and challenged, "Come and see."
He followed her until they reached a clearing. She explained the presence of the telescope in amongst the tombstones. "This is my telescope. I built it when I was twelve. Take a look."
What he saw amazed him, though he hated himself for the admission, "Saturn. Very cool."
"Yeah, I'm planning on building a larger one so I can see the Comet Hiakutaki. It comes this spring, but nobody knows when it's coming back."
"Ah. Nature's miracles. I get it."
"Get what?"
"That you're into all this stuff."
"This stuff. I have my beliefs. I have faith. But don't you?"
The sound of Jamie's voice echoed in his head. "Don't you?" He didn't realize that Neela was speaking to him again.
"Ray, you ok? You spaced out on me there."
"Oh, sorry. What were you saying?"
"I said I get that you're into this stuff."
"What stuff?"
"Astronomy." She lingered for a moment and fingered the length of the body of the telescope, almost reverently. She wanted to say something. Her mouth opened once before she clamped it shut again.
Instead, she looked up at him with her rich brown eyes and said, "Thanks for showing it to me, Ray. It really is incredible."
She then walked towards her bedroom. At the last second, he remembered and returned, "Night, Neela."
Before a soft click could be heard from her bedroom door, she answered, "You too, Ray. Pleasant dreams."
However, Landon did not get much sleep that night as he spent the rest of the night peering through the telescope. He lingered on his Jamie's star, always bright amongst the silver-wrought sky. He made a thermos of coffee, and brought some of his blankets over to the balcony. He never truly thought of himself as a widow at the age of 18, but that didn't mean that he missed his wife any less.
For the most part, he thought of himself as Ray Barnett, the doctor and the jock. It was simpler to push the thought of Jamie to the back of his consciousness. The thought of her always brought back too much happiness and too much heartache. It was happiness that was incomplete without her and heartache that worsened because he had to continue living.
However, tonight was one of those times that Landon Rollins Carter would draw comfort from the presence of her star. He did so by her telescope, the one that he made for her so she could see the Comet Hiakutaki.
At the rise of dawn, he even had a chance to peek at Pluto in its ascent, before he fell promptly back to sleep. He didn't know that he had been crying in his sleep and that Neela, who tiptoed from her bedroom moments later, came by to tuck in a stray corner of his blankets. She wanted to reach over to wipe away the tears from his cheeks, but she forcefully stopped herself, for risk of waking something that was meant to be asleep. Instead, she grabbed the now-empty thermos and slowly got up to begin another routine day at work.
End of Chapter 2
AN: I know another slow chapter (it seems that I have been doing that a lot). Of course, the stuff in italics are from the movie, A Walk to Remember. The words that are centered and italicized are lyrics from the movie soundtrack. It's by Rachel Lampa, called If You Believe.
I am not an expert in astronomy and constellations, so I'm not sure if you can actually see those planets during different times of the year. shrugs Call it poetic license but those who are familiar with Awtr will know the significance ;)
I hope you guys are not confused with the use of Ray vs Landon's name. They are the same person, but as I tried to explain, they aren't. Dr. Ray Barnett is the doctor and the jock that we all know (and love) from ER, while Landon Carter is the 18 year old who fell in love with Jamie Sullivan of Beaufort, North Carolina. Landon is still dealing with Jamie's death but he does so but avoiding the issue and using the medium of Ray Barnett to continue living. I certainly hope that make sense. Yes? No? Maybe? Let me know in a review, 'k.
