Chapter 17
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Martin gripped the steering wheel and carefully passed a semi truck on the highway. The forests of New York State reminded him a lot of Seattle. That was one of things he liked about living there. On any given weekend he could pack up his gear and find a place to climb. While his dad was never much of an outdoorsman beyond sailing and golf, Martin loved going to visit his aunt Bonnie and uncle Roger during the summers because they were campers. Roger taught him how to fish, rock climb, and he even helped him earn some of his Boy Scout badges. His sisters usually spent their summers at cheerleading or all-girl camps so until Bonnie's daughter, Jamie, came along he was also able to enjoy the pleasures of being an only child, if only for awhile.
He looked over at Sam who was drinking her hot coffee like it was liquid ecstasy. He wondered how she spent her summers. Guessing from her stories of being raised by a single mother he assumed that summer camp was probably not in the cards. He thought that maybe it was part of her hesitation about having kids. He couldn't help but think it was a shame because he would love to have a daughter who looked like her.
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"So you broke it off, again?" Lisa asked without sounding judgmental which he completely appreciated because after being called an idiot by every woman he knew for the last few weeks he really didn't want to hear it again.
"Yeah, I honestly thought it would be better to cut it off sooner rather than later if we both wanted two different things," Martin rationalized.
"I see. And this was about two months ago?" Lisa asked and Martin nodded. "And what have you been doing to find this life that you say you want?"
Martin hesitated and asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, you say that you want to find a woman who shares the same goals as you: marriage, kids, dog. What are you doing to find this woman?" Lisa's tone was friendly and casual.
"Well, nothing yet, I mean, it's only been two months since we broke up." Truth-be-told, while Martin said that he was looking for this mythical woman he really hadn't done anything to move on. If he were to be honest with himself, he was still holding out hope for Sam. "I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead yet."
"But you were thinking that far ahead when you ended it with Samantha. Why do you think that is?" Lisa asked. Her face was unreadable.
"I don't understand where you are going with this," Martin replied frustrated.
"Martin, you just went through a pretty traumatic event recently and I don't think you've really dealt with it," Lisa said as Martin sat up straighter and uncrossed his legs. "Based on this conversation alone all you've talked about is Samantha. I can't help but wonder if she is a distraction. I'm not saying she isn't important but you are making these life changing decisions based on the life you want to have but not the one you are living."
"What can I say about my being in a coma? I don't remember anything." Martin hated that his voice sounded defensive and a little fearful. "I remember being in the car and waking up. That's it. I'd rather not dwell on something I can't control."
"Exactly," Lisa said with a serious tone. "Martin, you woke up from an incident that you felt was beyond your control so you seemed to have filed it away and choose to ignore it. And to substitute that loss you tried to control everything else in your life and when you felt that something was not in your control you ended it so you could get that sense of power back."
"So you're saying I am trying to control Sam?" Martin asked frustrated.
"No, not exactly, I just want you to know that you are never going to be able to control everything in your life. That is impossible." Lisa leaned forward and looked Martin in the eyes. "But I think that if you deal with the your being shot, the coma and the loss of your memory you might be able to regain some of that control you feel you've lost. And I believe that would really help your personal relationships as well."
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"Earth to Martin," Sam said as Martin turned to her inquisitively. She smile at him and said, "You okay? You were daydreaming or something."
"I'm fine" Martin replied as he turned his focus on the road and put a very serious expression on his face.
"Okay," she replied with a laugh before quickly adding, "but just so you know, you missed our exit."
Martin looked over and sure enough he had just driven past the off ramp. He muttered an obscenity and hit his blinker to get off on the next exit. He did everything he could to avoid looking at Sam who he was certain had a smirk on her face.
