Standard disclaimers applied. See Prologue for further details.
Author's Note: As a special treat for those who reviewed, here is the next chapte. Sorry it's another slow one, but I had to rewrite this chapter twice before I posted. It was just one of those transitional chapters that just didn't click. I'm still not happy with it, but anyways, here it is because I just want it out of my system.
Chapter 8: Another Beginning
Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
-Switchfoot, Learning to Breathe
He felt a pressure in his hand. It was so faint that he wasn't sure if he was still sleeping or not. There was the squeeze again and he jolted awake. Seeing his intertwined fingers, he looked up to see Neela struggling to open her eyes. The machines indicating her vitals signalled shrilling, alerting the ICU nurses.
"C'mon Neela, wake up," he urged.
The nurse scrambled with the machines. One pushed him slightly aside but he did not go far and held on to her hand.
"Neela, squeeze my hand if you could hear me," he shouted.
She was incoherent at first but he was relieved when he found a small pressure in his fingers. Her chestnut eyes peered open and focussed on him. They spoke of confusion and fear, until he leaned closer, not minding the nurses at all.
"Neela, I'm sorry for everything," he confessed.
She turned away from him and he felt himself falling apart. He was about to leave, but she held onto his hand. She gestured to a small cup of ice chips on the bedside table and he understood. By that time, Pratt had made his way into the room. Apparently, he had been on his way to check on Neela when the machines sounded. He spared a quick welcome back to Ray before he redirected attention on Neela.
Ray stood out for a moment to gather himself. He felt a quick rush of relief running through his bed as he collapsed in the plastic chairs outside the room. He was truly exhausted but he was glad that Neela was on her way to recovery. Pratt came out moments later to spot Ray dozing at the chairs.
"Yo, Barnett."
"Pratt."
"Man, you look like sh-t."
"I feel like I've been gone without sleep for a year."
Pratt's voice was sympathetic when he said, "You know she doesn't blame you."
"What?" Whatever Ray had been expecting Pratt to say, it wasn't this.
"I don't know what the heck happen between you two. I feel bad for whatever family emergency that took you away, but you can't let all this stuff get you down."
"What are you saying, Pratt?"
"I'm saying that Neela is special and she's a friend."
Before Ray could interpret the exchange, he returned to the room. She turned at the sound of his approach. She held out a shaking hand for him which he engulfed with his own.
Taking a well-worn piece of paper from his pocket, he held out for her inspection. It was the note that she left for him that fateful day, "I'm sorry too, Roomie," he whispered.
She blinked once and squeezed his hand in understanding.
-o-o-
Throughout Neela's recovery, the staff from the ER came around with comforting words, hugs and kisses and numerous gifts. Ray was there often, making for the lost time when she was still unconscious. It took a great deal of persuasion on Neela's part to convince him to at least go back to the apartment some of the time.
"I'm sorry for not coming to see you when you were in the coma," he blurted.
Neela sighed. She never blamed him for the accident, but Ray still felt he was partially responsible.
"That day - I got called away to Beaufort for a family emergency. One of my family members was dying," he confessed.
She tried to shift to a more comfortable position on the bed, but nevertheless, giving him her undivided attention.
"Ray - "
"Neela -"
They both started at the same time. Neela felt herself blushing, before saying, "Ray, you don't owe me an explanation."
"Don't I? Everybody thinks I don't care but -"
Here he was interrupted by a knock and a voice from outside on the door. "Neela!"
Recognizing the voice, Neela set up straighter in bed, and before she could call out a prompting, the door opened to admit Neela's parents, her sister and brother-in-law and nephew. Ray knew this from the family photos that Neela had placed around the apartment. Not to mention, the fact that Neela and her younger sister could have been twins if not for Parama's swollen pregnant stomach. Both were similar in stature, from the midnight coloured hair and to the dark round eyes.
Neela's father took one look at Ray and barked, "Are you the doctor?"
Ray was initially taken aback and he could feel Neela's anxious eyes out of his peripheral vision. "Yes and I have to say that your daughter is doing very well, Mr. Ragostra. There were no lasting damages or injuries. She may feel sore for awhile, but I will encourage her to move around bit, but take it easy for awhile. A couple more days of bed rest should do the trick."
He spoke a crisp, yet professional manner, which was deemed acceptable by the slight dismissal from Mr. Ragostra who started conversing in rapid Punjabl with his wife. Neela offered a small grateful smile which Ray acknowledged before he stepped out to give the Ragostras more privacy.
What he had wanted to say before he was interrupted was that Neela had become an important part of his life. She was important before, but it was the first time that he would admit the fact to her and to himself. As he mulled over the thought, he fingered the ring which suspended from silver chain. It was his wedding ring.
At Jamie's funeral, he had taken it off in grief but he never had the courage to put it back on again. Instead, he looped it through his chain, so it would dangle close to his heart. He usually found comfort at the thought a part of her would always be with him.
Now, he felt slightly guilty for standing outside Neela's door. They were speaking in Punjab, but he nevertheless strained himself to catch the rise and fall of Neela's voice. If he knew Punjab, then he could have followed this conversation.
"The hospital called to say that you were in an accident, Neela."
"Yes."
"Are they treating you well here?"
"Yes, I'm fine. You didn't need to come all this way."
"Neela." Her father grunted as if he wanted to say more, but he only motioned for his son-in-law and his wife to follow him outside the room.
"That was unnecessary, Neela, even coming from you." Parama observed when the door was securely closed behind them.
"Oh spare me, Parama."
Parama gave a calculated look around the room as if to appraise its value. "You deserved better than this, Neela," she said. "You didn't have to come all the way to Chicago of all places to become a doctor."
"I love it here. I see that I'm making a difference."
"You can make a difference in England."
"I'm happy, Parama. I feel appreciated here."
"If I recall correctly, you wanted to quit medicine altogether. Then there was what his name - Mark, no Matt ..."
"His name was Michael Gallant, Parama. You know very well how I feel about him."
"Oh yes, the soldier who went off to fight in the war. Where is he now, Neela? You could have married and become a mother with kids of your own by now."
"Like you, Parama? You know what, don't answer that. I'm not you, Parama and I'll never will be. Nobody can live this life for me, only I can."
"You don't have to be resentful, Neela. You are right, you make your own choices, but the better question is whether you are making those choices because you are truly happy."
Before Neela could think of a reply, Parama already had her hand on the door. "It wasn't meant to be competition between us."
It was the closest thing to an endearment, but it troubled Neela more than anything else. Did she know what happiness is? Was she fooling herself and everybody else around her? So deep was she in her contemplation that she didn't hear Ray slipping back into room, until he spoke up.
"C'mon Roomie, cheer up."
"Ray! You scared me."
"Neela, you gotta wipe that frown off your face. Rockers aren't about the sad mushy stuff."
She smiled at his attempt to cheer her up, but she wanted to ask him, "Are you happy, Ray? Truly happy?"
He was taken aback, but he wasn't sure whether it was from the seriousness of her tone or the topic of conversation. "Neela, somebody very wise once told me that true happiness is a relative term. If you believe, then that's the only thing that matters."
At this, Ray tentatively took both of Neela's hands into his and said, "Neela, I'm sorry I wasn't here before. No, before you interrupt, let me say this. You are important to me."
"Ray -"
"And, you know what? This whole time I was thinking that it could have been you!"
"I'm still here, Ray."
"He died, Neela, and I end up losing the people that I care about."
Without another word, she extricated her hands from his and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stiffened slightly upon the contact, but eventually relaxed and nearly collapsed into her embrace. Hugging her close and molding her frame into his, he wept into her hair. She held on, adjusting his added weight on her. They stayed liked this with his head upon hers and her head buried in his chest.
"And do you believe, Ray?" she murmured into the folds of his shirt.
He pulled back until they were seeing eye to eye. He was thoughtful as he contemplated his next words. Speaking in a hush but serious tone, he offered, "Do you believe in the wind, Neela?"
"Yes," curious as to his line of questioning.
"Why? You don't see it. It's not something tangible, so how can you believe in it?"
"Because..."
"Exactly, you believe in the wind simply because it is. Now, do you know the answer to your question?"
"Yes." She never thought of it that way. "When did you become so insightful, Ray?"
Ray's eyes nearly betrayed him which he quickly masked with a confident grin, when he said,
"My guardian angel told me."
End of Chapter 8
AN: So much drama ... don't worry the trials between Neela and Ray aren't over yet, so, I promise that the pace for the next chapters will pick up again.
