Standard disclaimers applied. See Prologue for further details.
Author's Note: The lyrics in the beginning is from "I won't last a day without you," sang by Karen Carpenter. The song does not belong to me.
Chapter 12: Realization
Day after day I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong
It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, you're always there
Karen Carpenter - I Won't Last A Day Without You
"Landon." She had called him. The word association stunned him. The bewildered expression on her face alerted him to the fact that she was just as surprised by her form of address as he was.
"What did you call me?" He asked when he finally regained his voice.
"I don't know ..." she stammered, "It just came out ..."
Neela was flustered. She knew that it was Ray's middle name. She also heard him calling himself that when he dialled up his mom. Another time, Frank had brought up the fact that somebody called for a 'Landon Carter' but Ray had answered it instead. She never gave it much thought even when people called for a Landon at the apartment.
"Landon is my middle name," Ray explained belatedly.
"I know. I'm sorry ... it's just came out. I don't know what came over me," she tried to explain herself. All of sudden, she couldn't stop babbling, as if all the emotions that she had accumulated throughout the day finally erupted in a series of incoherent thoughts. The only thing that she was certain was the fact that she couldn't bear it if Ray walking away from her.
"You know, I heard you calling yourself Landon, when you were talking to your mom just now. It's funny the only time you ever called yourself that was when you came home drunk as much as a person could be drunk. You told me your name was Landon and not Ray ... I never really cared for it though ... but then said somebody call for Landon one time ... I just don't know what came over me. It just seem so natural at the time."
Ray took a calming breath to compose himself. Other than those who came from Beaufort, nobody else had called him Landon for a long time. Hearing it from Neela's mouth, he had the sudden vision of another brown-hair girl who called him thus. "Oh Jamie," he thought. However just as his thoughts materialized, he quickly reminded himself that Neela wasn't Jamie and it wasn't fair to the girl in front of him. He really needed to clear his head.
"Please ..."
The sound of Neela's desperate voice stopped him in tracks. "Don't do this. I don't know what came over me, but just don't run away. I just ... I don't know ... but he always ran away, too many have turned away already ..."
He turned back suddenly realizing that somehow the conversation had turned and that Neela wasn't just talking about him anymore.
"He was so good at doing that, you know. Of course, he had the best intentions. What's better than serving your own country? It was his way of solving everything by keeping an ocean between us. We couldn't really talk about the serious stuff."
She had been transfixed by the carpet at the bottom of feet, when she suddenly looked into his eyes hoping for understanding. "I wish we could have talk about things face-to-face but he was already gone. But, you're here now, right, Ray? You won't leave me ..."
Whatever resolve that she held was lost as she collapsed onto the carpet beneath her. Tears rolled incessantly. Ray had rushed forward and was now offering his arms as refuge. All the while, she murmured, "Why did all these people have to die? Why did he have to leave? It's not fair!"
"I don't know," he answered honestly.
"Please ... don't go."
"I promise that I won't run away from you, Neela."
"Don't make promises that you can't keep, Ray."
Pulling her chin up so that she was facing him, he asked "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Every moment, our lives can be changed just like that. Now here you are promising that you won't ever leave. What can you just make a comment like that?"
"I can because I know what's like to run away from something, but I also know what it's like to go after something worthwhile."
They stared face to face, with only the occasional hiccup from Neela to fill in the silence. All he wanted to do at that moment was to reach out and touch her tear-stained cheeks. Despite their best efforts to ignore the tension in the air, the silence between them dragged on.
"How did everything fall apart?" she asked softly.
"I don't know, Neela."
"You're really here, aren't you?"
"It's still me." They were so close and without another word, they bridged the void with a single kiss.
Neela was overwhelmed the sensation of Ray's mouth closing around hers. All thoughts left her and Ray took her momentary shock to explore her lips - so soft and sweet. The smell of his aftershave and cologne bombarded her senses. There was something that was very distinctly Ray that she could not quite identify but she could care less. He slowly prodded for the entrance into her mouth by running his tongue along her lips. Her fingers tangled into his brown locks as his slowly run his hands up the sides of her waist and under her shirt. Their kiss deepened as their tongues united and Neela fully molded herself into him, pushing them forward until he crashed onto the carpet beneath him with her on top. The impact jolted them apart, but Ray reached out to clasp his hand around hers.
"I'm sorry," he murmured.She stopped his declaration midway but pressing her fingertips on his lips. "Please, don't ..."
Without reservation, she pulled his head down for another kiss. There was no specific moment that she fell in love with him, but she knew that she could not fathom waking up in the morning without having him in her life. Ray responded with equal passion, before drawing out her bottom lip. With her arms around him, she pulled his head closer until he could feel her hot breath upon his. Their tongues met, tasting each other to the beat of their internal rhythms.He pulled away slightly to stare at her upturn face. He smiled at the seemingly peaceful countenance that now replaced her former melancholy. She opened her eyes that had been previously closed to see the look of confusion on her roommate's face. There was so much unsaid between them, and they would be kidding themselves if they said that committing to anything would be easy. It would take time, but for now, nothing was more certain than the presence of two tender hearts.
End of Chapter 12
AN: Revised May 2007
