Standard disclaimers applied. See Prologue for further details.

Author's Note: The lyrics used are from the song 'Ever the Same,' by Rob Thomas which doesn't belong to me.


Chapter 16: The Mere Presence of You

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Rob Thomas - Ever the Same

Stunned silence filled the air, sucking any remaining life there was in the room. Neela felt her knees go weaker, as she reached out the settle herself on the bed. Over and over in her head, she played over the words, Ray, Zoe, HIV positive, Ray, Zoe, HIV positive.

Their relationship had not progressed to the point of them having sex. They had some heated kissing sessions in some pretty creative locations in their apartment. Looking back at her roommate now, she saw that Ray was staring off at some random point on the wall. The only thing that she could do at the moment, was to wrap her arms around him and whispered, "I don't care you're perfect. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

She felt him pulling her closer to his chest and for a brief moment, their troubles were forgotten.

-o-o-

It could be said that they were both ups and downs to any relationship. Ups were sources of joy and celebration, which provided the strength to weather through the storms that life presents.

Ray sometimes wondered how Jamie and the Reverend felt when they received the diagnosis of leukemia. Did they feel the shock, the utter disbelief, the anger? Did they go through the same mantra of what-ifs and maybes? Jamie once confessed to him that she and her father drifted apart at one point.

(Flashback)

"It was a difficult time for the both of us. I guess we were both scared of losing the other, because mom died. It was probably one of the darkest times in our relationship. I questioned God. 'Why me?' All our lives, we have devoted ourselves to Him and His beliefs, so why did it have to be me... I was angry and I wanted to hate God and for a while I did."

"So, what happened?"

"I remember one time that I had to miss the state fair because I had to go into the doctors for one of my routine checkups. My blood counts were low again and it seemed that nothing that I was doing was right. I hated the fact that I had to miss doing the things that I loved like going to the state fair because of my leukemia. I was mad and from the spur of the moment, I just reached to grab one of my glass figurines and threw it against the wall. My father heard the crash and came running to my room to find me sitting on the floor crying with all the broke pieces of glass around me. We cried and we talked. From there, it was a trial to find ourselves and our faith in God."

"When you said that you did want a reason to be angry with God ..."

"You have no idea that before you, I had accepted the fact that I had leukemia. I didn't want the pity or the justification. I don't need a reason to be angry with God, but when you happened, I realize that there was something more to this world. God wouldn't give me this miracle and then take me away so soon."

(End Flashback)

Jamie always said that suffering reaps compassion and for the longest time, he couldn't understand. Now faced with the prospects of HIV, he saw the value in the statement. The face of the world changes. He wondered if today is going to be the last morning that he was going to see the sunrise? Would tonight be the last time that he was going to fall asleep with Neela in his arms? Is this the end of his life as he know it?

He realized what courage it took Jamie for her to him about her leukemia. He had been angry at the time that she didn't trust him enough to tell him. Now having to face his parents and telling them the grim prospects, he realized that it wasn't a matter of trust. It was a means of sparing them from the pain.

Through it all, he was comforted by Neela steady presence. She hadn't been repulsed by the idea. "You wouldn't get rid of me that easily," she had told him. For that, he was eternally grateful.

-o-o-

She tried to remember everything that she had been taught about HIV and AIDS. HIV is the primary cause of AIDS. Sexual contact is the leading causes of exposure to the virus (1).

Ray and Zoe ... Zoe and Ray - one night and that's all it took. She and Ray had reached the point in their relationship where they had sex together. Sure, they shared the same bed and had some really heated kisses, but in a way, they were both apprehensive to progressing their relationship beyond that.

For three agonizing months, they waited for Ray's tests results to confirm whether or not he was indeed infected. There is a period of time between the infection and the appearance of detectable antibodies. There are several diagnostic tests for HIV including ELISA which is then confirmed by the Western blot test. The actual viral RNA can be detected by emphasizing certain parts of the genome using the PCR.

There were times when they needed time apart to come into the terms with the whole situation. She worried about every cold and fever that Ray contracted in the three months. There are different clinical manifestations of HIV infection. Symptoms can range from fever lasting for two weeks without infections, noncausal weight loss or noncausal diarrhea of more than 30 days. HIV primarily targets the CD4+ T cells in the body by binding and replicating within healthy cells.

Neela went with him to see his parents and held his hand while he told them the news. While they were in Beaufort, Ray took them to the graves of Jamie and Reverend Sullivan. He laid down fresh bouquets of flowers as Neela looked on. It was at that moment that she truly felt the connection with Jamie, what ambivalence the younger girl must have felt.

'Would I be as strong as that in the name of love?'

Looking at Ray now, she realized that she already was.

End of Chapter 16


AN: Short chapter and I'm being mean for keeping you guys in suspense about Ray. (dodges any potential projectiles from the readers)

I apologize for all the technical jargons that I used in this chapter. I'm just trying to emphasize the fact that Neela is very worried about Ray and her way of coping is to find out all the facts. The information that I have on here are based on the following resources:

(1)
Madigan, M. T., Martinko, J.M. & Parker, J. (2003). Brock biology of microorganisms. (10th ed.). Prentice Hall: New Jersey.

(2)
HIV - wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. (2006, April). Retrieved: April 11, 2006, from http/en. course, as with all medical information, it is always best to check with your doctor for more info.