They sat at their respective desks, working on paperwork. Olivia's first day back hadn't been easy. As soon as they had arrived, they were sent to a scene to investigate the rape and death of a fifteen year-old. Much to Elliot's surprise, Olivia had thrown herself into the investigation, asking questions, taking notes and examining the crime scene. For a minute, it seemed as though she hadn't been gone a year.
Now, they sat at their desks, making calls and mentally working through the case. A glance at the clock showed that it was nearly eight. "Let's get dinner," Elliot said, standing up and shrugging on his jacket.
Olivia nodded and did the same, following him out of the station. "You doin' okay," he asked, drawing an arm around her waist as they walked.
"Yeah," she said, "I missed this."
"Me too," he said. He knew she was talking about the job. She knew he was talking about them.
"El, I was thinking," she said as they sat down.
"About what," he asked, glancing up over the menu. She chewed on her lip and her eyes were cast downward. He wondered what had happened to bring that on. Before she had left, she had always been sure of herself, never nervous to talk about something bothering her.
"Maybe I should get my own place." He froze and his eyes looked up, trying to meet hers.
"Why," he asked, his voice cracking, "Are you uncomfortable? Is this going too fast?" He felt his heart breaking slowly, but surely.
"No," she said quickly, "I just…I need space to figure some things out."
"You don't have to move out to have some space," he said softly.
"Elliot, please. You haven't done anything to cause this. Right now, it's just about me," she said.
"Liv, I love you. I want to be there to help you through whatever it is that's bothering you. But, if moving out is what you need, then I support you," he said. Even though he said the words, he could feel himself falling apart on the inside.
"Thank you," she said softly. He nodded, numbly ordering something for lunch. He didn't know what he had ordered; he had lost his appetite for food.
They arrived home late that night, having left the station together. They ordered Chinese and sat on the couch, watching a movie, Olivia curled up in his arms as she ate the noodles out of the container. For a moment, Elliot was able to close his eyes and imagine she hadn't asked what she had that afternoon. He kissed her hair gently, resting his cheek against her hair, breathing in her scent. "Ready for bed," he finally asked, feeling her body slowly relax.
"Yeah," she said.
"I'll sleep in here. You can have the couch," he said, helping her up.
"I want you to hold me. Tonight," she said, chewing on her lip again.
"Olivia, I need to understand," he said.
"Understand what," she asked, cocking her head.
"You want me to hold you while you sleep and when you and I are watching t.v and yet, you just told me this afternoon that you want your own place. I just don't understand why you want to be near me, but away at the same time," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. He was afraid that if he had his arms by his side, he would want to hug her and then everything would be right back to where it was before the conversation had began. "Help me understand. Please. What happened, Liv?" She heard the pleading in his voice and looked up to meet his eye.
"I don't know," she said softly. "I want you in my life. I promised myself that when I came back. I just…everything seems to be happening so fast. It's too much for me." He watched as she crossed her arms and began to pace the apartment slowly.
"If you want to slow down, we can," he said, "It's just, you have to understand it from my point of view. I don't want to lose you, but God help me, I can't have you in my life and know that you're not happy too."
"I am happy," she insisted. "Why do you want to talk so badly?"
"Because I want to know what you're thinking," he said, "I want to know why all of sudden you're not confident in yourself. I want…I just want to hear your voice because I've missed it. I've missed you." He fought to keep his voice from breaking from all of the emotions that were rolling through him.
"I've been right here," she said, looking up to meet his eyes.
"No you haven't," he said, shaking his head.
