A/N: Sorry it's taken so long...battery wouldn't work on my computer. Anyways, here's the new chapter! Let me know what you think.
He sat on a park bench, his head in his hands. The evening was warm, a cool breeze rustling through the trees, spraying the sweet smell of flowers through the air. The sounds of the city, the sweet smell of summer...nothing registered with him. He closed his eyes and tried to think of anything but the look he had seen on her face before he walked out the door.
They had been careful, using birth control and condoms most times. They had both wanted a child, but knew the time wasn't right. In truth, time had only been an excuse. He thought back to the time he thought she was dead and remembered howhe would have given anything to have something to remind him that their time together had been real; that he hadn't just dreamed of it.
He had left the apartment that afternoon without waiting for an excuse or an explanation from her. She had known and never told him. That angered him. Oneyear and shehad known. Never told him and he wouldn't have known hadit not been for the saddness that he saw in her eyes. A saddness only hewould notice. To her, it was the saddness of an incomplete life.
He wondered what their child would look like. Boy, girl…that didn't matter to him. Ten fingers, ten toes…that's what mattered. He pushed himself off the bench and walked around the city. He'd need more than fresh air to clear his head tonight.
She heard the door open at a quarter to midnight, but didn't move to let him know she was awake. She listened quietly as he slipped his shoes off and walked into the kitchen. A minute later, she heard the pop of the lid coming off of a beer. She heard his footsteps come near her, then stop, followed by the soft sound of air being let out of a cushion. She could feel his eyes on her.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she finally said. Her words were soft, barely above a whisper. He would have missed them if he hadn't been listening so hard for them.
"It's a little late for that," he said. His words came out hard and angry. At that moment, he didn't regret it.
"It wasn't my choice," she said, pushing herself up. Tears stung her eyes as she fought for control.
"Doesn't change the fact," he said, taking a swig of his beer. "It was my child too, Olivia. I had a right to know."
"I know," she said, looking down at her hands, "I'm sorry." She couldn't bear to meet his eyes, to see the same pain she felt reflected in his eyes. They were both supposed to be strong. But now, they were both weak from fighting with each other; against each other.
"You know, I'm tired of hearing those words from you. If you're so sorry, then do something to help fix it." He slammed the beer on the table, liquid coming out of the top and spilling onto the table, but neither of them noticed.
"What do you want me to do? I lost our child," Olivia said, standing up. Tears streaked her face and she shouted with emotion. "For a year, I had to live with the fact that I had lost our child and I couldn't tell you, so how about letting up on the anger just a bit!"
He bit back his retort and watched as she paced back and forth in the living room. "I wanted that baby, Elliot. I wanted it more than anything. And when I found out that theminute that bastard pulled that trigger, our baby was as good as dead,it tore me apart. It hurt more than leaving you did because for three weeks, I had been a mother." He fell back down to the chair, feeling tears fall down his face. "I wanted to die because it had been our baby and I couldn't have you with me when I found out. I prayed for God to somehow give it or you back to me, but he couldn't." She fell to the floor on her knees, her eyes looking down at the floor. "I know you're angry. You had every right to know, but I couldn't say it. I couldn't make it real." She stopped, but not because she had nothing else to say, but because the gut wrenching sobs wouldn't let her say anything more.
The room filled with the sound tears and the echoes of rain hitting the windows. He quietly moved across the room and pulled her into his arms, rocking back and forth as tears fell from both their faces. "I wanted that baby," she said, pressing herself against him.
"I know," he said softly, "So did I." He pressed a kiss to her hair, rocking her back and forth as they both clung to whatremainsof a relationship they had left.
It was past midnight when they finally made it into bed, exhausted from the emotions that had been pouring out of both of them. She lay tightly wrapped in his arms, emotionally dead, but found herself unable to sleep. "What would you have wanted to name it," she asked in the darkness of the bedroom.
"I always liked Georgiana, if it was a girl. Alexander, if it was a boy," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You?"
"Emma Kateor Grant Alexander," she said softly. "El, I want to try again." She looked up, trying to meet his eyes, but felt her heart fall when he looked away.
"Your body needs time," he said. "I need time." His voice was so soft, she strained to hear it. She nodded, resting her head back on her chest. She'd had twelve months to cope with the pain. He hadn't even had twelve hours and the pain still clawed at his heart. "You have every right to hate me for what I said."
"I could never hate you." She pressed a kiss over his heart, hoping that somehow, that could heal apart of him, apart of them. "And you had every right to be mad at me."
"How long had you known?"
"Two days. I was going to tell you that night. I was almost one month along." He nodded, unable to say or do anything else. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about the child they would never have. The child they would never be able to hold.
"Kathy lost a child between Kathleen and the twins," he said. "She was almost three months pregnant when she miscarried." He closed his eyes as he remembered coming home and finding her crying, her clothes covered in blood.
"Did she ever get over the pain," Olivia asked softly.
"Eventually," he replied softly. Truth was, it was what had begun the unravelling of his previous marriage. Having the twins had been their last ditch attempt to remain a family. He prayed he and Olivia were strong enough to survive it. The truth was, he wasn't sure if either of them were.
"I don't think I ever will." They both fell silent as the sounds of the city enveloped them. Neither of them said another word for the rest of the night. Nothing else could be said; only understood.
