I'm so glad to see all the Axel love expressed in your reviews. I'm rooting for him too. Well of course since I'm writing this Lol.
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Chapter 9
Tifa's eyelids slowly rose from darkness, only to be greeted with gauzy shapes floating around a room that was still spinning. Her eyes squinted in attempt to clear the haze of shapes and movements surrounding her but failed. Ringing sounded in her throbbing head, causing a hiss of pain to escape her lips. She couldn't remember the last time she felt pain this excruciating.
Oh my- I feel like crap…Where- where am I?
She attempted to lift her hands to her head as if holding her head would ease the pain but her hands weakly stood paralyzed by her sides. She blinked, slowly letting the room come to a slow halt and the shapes adjust to her eyes. Slowly her ears picked up the sound of hollow footsteps walking across the wood paneled floor towards her. She still couldn't quite make out her surroundings but somehow she knew who it was walking towards her, she could sense his presence even through her disorientation.
As if reading the pleading words in her mind, Cloud's hand gently slid underneath her head to lift her up with the utmost gentle care. Her arms clung to his shoulders on instinct as he slowly sat her up. He sat on the bedside as her head lolled heavily onto his shoulder.
A painful groan was muffled into the material on his shoulder and he kept his arms firmly around her to help keep her up. One hand on her neck and the other holding the edge of her elbow.
"C-Cloud?" She had no idea why she bothered to ask if she already knew but the question came naturally. Her voice was raspy and her mouth was dry.
Cloud stood silent as the hand on her neck slid to her waist, allowing his other hand to reach for a glass of water sitting on the mahogany nightstand by the bed. He clicked off the small lamp knowing the light would only add to her pain now that she was awake before picking up the glass. He held the glass to rest on his knee before leaning close to the back of her head from his shoulder. Whispering into her hair and trying not to sound too loud he spoke, "Can you lift your head?"
She made a feeble attempt, lifting her head barely an inch before collapsing back onto him. It was embarrassing for her. She had more pride than this but with the throbbing in her head, pride was the last thing on her mind. She couldn't even remember what happened last and how she had come to this. Silent curses encircled her thoughts for being in this situation.
Cloud leaned over to put the glass back on the nightstand. He returned to her, bringing his hands to her forearms to lift her off from him. He held her with one arm as his other propped up the pillows against the headboard of the bed. Slowly he eased her onto the pillow so that she could sit up without his aid. Once again he brought the glass to her and this time she stared at him, blankly and blinking.
Her eyes finally adjusted although the pain was still there, causing her to squint at him. He held the glass up, waiting for her to reach for it. "Here, this'll make you feel better"
Her hands cupped around the glass of water, sending slight electricity shooting through her body from touching his hand. When was the last time we had contact like this? Cloud's fingers slid away from the glass once he felt that she had a firm grip on it.
She brought the glass to her lips and allowed the lukewarm liquid to ease the dryness in her mouth. It was relieving.
Without lifting her eyes from the water rippling in the glass, she whispered, "Thank you"
Cloud simply nodded and without offering another word he stood up and walked towards the door. He seemed to sense that she was about to call out to him and stopped once his hand grasped the doorknob. "I'll be back. You must be hungry" and with that he left the room.
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Axel's body rose like a reviving corpse from the cold stone floor. His arms huddled his knees as he took in the familiar presence returning inside of him. She was awake. He felt it.
He didn't know what brought him to the Bailey that night, even after knowing she was still unconscious and wouldn't be meeting him there but there was no where else to go. The dangers of Saix had gone for now since he was occupied with Sora's meddling. The only companion he ever had was Roxas and now he was gone. With Tifa being unconscious, his choices were short when it came to occupying himself. He swore that he'd go insane if he had to take another trip through the worlds just to pass time. It was best that he stay in one spot and just wait, wait for whatever.
His mind had been troubled with Saix's last words to him. Now with all the time and all the damn silence, untamed questions devoured him. He even counted the heartless lurking below him and he got bored of that. Nothing could take his mind off of what that jerk said.
His hand veiled in black lifted up in front of him. He open and closed his fingers, tilting his head as he observed and pondered. Finally he released a frustrated sigh and dropped refolded his arm around his knees.
If she does not believe you to exist, you will believe you don't exist and of course, vanish…
Saix's haunting voice echoed through his head and he tried to shake it away. Instead his own voice came to haunt him as well, his doubts.
Does she…does she believe I exist? Does my existence really rest solely on her.
He scoffed at his current situation. He knew the answer. Of course it made sense. He had already memorized her warmth, memorized her smile and even her taste. He memorized her small little habits like the way she tilted her head innocently and how her eyes grew larger when she was marveled by something. He didn't want to admit it to himself but he knew, he let his existence rest on her. There was nothing else that would keep him going.
It's my own fault for it being that way but I can't really say I regret it.
He shook his head. If he had a heart this would be where he pitied himself. Then again after meeting Roxas and now Tifa, he had found himself expressing and reacting to things in ways he shouldn't be. That was what drew him to them and now he didn't know what to expect anymore.
If Saix was right, he only existed this long because of his search for Roxas and after his betrayal to the Organization, he only existed to try and help Sora. Thankfully he had noticed Tifa already before Kairi was taken because if Saix was right, once he failed at aiding Sora he would have faded away.
Was my interest in Tifa what kept me breathing, walking, living?
He shuddered at the thought of fading. He didn't want to fade but then again, it was true. If Tifa refused him, he couldn't think of any other reason to exist. He probably would give in willingly. The only way he would survive that was if he could find another purpose. However at this moment, another purpose was beyond his thinking and he wasn't so sure if he even wanted to find another purpose.
"Tifa…I hope you believe in me"
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The fact that the potatoes were starchy, there was no butter with the bread and the meat was dry had no effect on the starving woman almost shoving her fingers into the plate on her lap. She wasted no time bringing the food to her lips to take bites almost too large to be humane. Even as she felt Cloud's glare of shock because of her sudden burst of energy, being timid as she always was with him was the least of her concern. She hadn't eaten in what felt like weeks although it had only been days. She'd do anything to fill the hollow pit calling from the depths of her stomach.
The throbbing in her head had calmed although her vision was still slightly hazy. She closed her eyes as she ate just to make things easier, only opening them when she reached for another bite or her water. The clamor and shrieking sounds of the metal utensils scratching against the plate didn't seem to bother her although she thought she heard Cloud wince every now and then when the sound was too sharp for his ears. Still as usual, he'd say nothing and stay solemn.
Finally after what seemed like seconds to her, but an eternity of painful cringing metal to Cloud, she placed the utensils neatly on the surface of the empty plate before setting it on the nightstand beside her. She looked around, with one squinting eye open, in search of something until Cloud offered her a handkerchief and she grabbed it gratefully. She wrung it around her fingers and tapped her lips lightly before sighing and sinking back into the pillows behind her. Now that her stomach was full and her thirst was quenched, all she wanted to do was sleep. Of course it wouldn't be so easy.
Memory had flooded back to her while Cloud had gone downstairs and she hoped that once he gave her the food that he'd leave her without a word. Instead he sat there and he watched her, as if the atmosphere between them wasn't awkward enough. Even though she kept her eyes closed and focused on eating, his presence made her tense. The confessions she had yelled out to him replayed in her mind. She was instantly regretting every word as she felt his glare on her each passing second. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about what happened, anything but that.
To her surprise, the first words barely audible to pass from his lips, was an apology. It actually made her eyes shoot open until the light harshly sent another shot of pain to bounce through her temples and she shut them closed again. She groaned and she reached up to hold the bridge of her nose.
"Wh-what?"
"I said, I'm sorry…for the grief I have caused you. I should've realized"
She was speechless. Her mind was blank. Although she had only confessed in her dreams and imagined his reactions, now that it really happened, nothing was turning out the way her mind had made it up. There was one thing that came into the picture that wasn't there before and that one thing made everything so much more complex. It was Axel.
Seeing that Tifa had no response and did not intend to, Cloud continued, bringing his eyes to stare out the window as she had done so many times before. "I've always sworn to protect you and yet somehow I always seemed to fail"
"Cloud-" she thought aloud unintentionally.
"Of course I've never meant to do you harm but instead it was I that harmed you the most and for that I apologize"
"Cloud-" this time she let it leave her as a pleading whisper but still he went on. Her eyes were still closed and her fingers massaged circles at her temples.
"I don't want to be the darkness that contaminates your light…"
"Cloud," this time her voice sounded more urging and was clearly audible. Once the awkward silence began to set in the room, she slowly slid into the covers, turning her back to him. "I just…want to be alone right now" Just as she expected, he didn't respond. Instead she heard him pause for a moment, absorbing her request before getting up to shut the lamp by her bed and lift the plate from the nightstand. What happened next was something she didn't expect.
The bed shifted toward the weight of his knee as he leaned in towards the woman whose back was facing him. With the plate still in one hand, his other hand brushed aside the soft strands of hair on her cheek and soon enough she felt his warmth breath nearing her ear. The tickle of his voice on her skin made her body shiver but she tried to hide it.
"I want you to know, that from now on I won't repeat my past mistakes"
She stood stiff as she listened to him get up and walk towards the door. The door creaked open and he glanced back briefly to look upon her curves covered in the blue sheets. Finally after his last thoughts he retreated, leaving her to herself as she had wanted.
Once she was sure that he had left, she finally allowed her body to tremble. Her lips quivered slightly as she nuzzled her cheek into the pillow. She gasped in the darkness, containing her emotions. She didn't know why she was acting this way. She was just so confused. Since she was not fully recovered from her injury and now her stomach was satisfied, it was fairly easy for her body to grow weak again and her eyelids to grow heavy. She willingly gave into her sleep in hopes to escape her trivial situation just a while longer. Her eyes shut with only a single tear soaking into the pillowcase beneath her cheek.
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Golden rays of broken sunlight streamed in through the blinds. The birds had begun their morning songs and voices of the Inn occupants were heard shuffling beneath her. Once again her eyes opened to a new time of day that she couldn't' be sure of. The bump on the back of her head ached but other than that, she could see clearly and all her other pain had gone. It was actually relieving to see the sunlight in her room.
Lying on her side with her cheek resting on her knuckles, her eyes surveyed the room. It didn't seem that Cloud returned once she woke up and asked for him to leave. She was grateful not to wake up to him, although a part of her found comfort in his presence, another part of her wanted to keep her distance.
You leave Cloud alone! Even when the darkness tempts me, I will always protect him! I will always be his light!
Those particular words echoed in her the most. She had unintentionally blurted out that she would never leave his side. It was something she had not fully come to terms with and yet when she blurted it out, it was nothing but truth.
She crumbled the sheets in her fists, suddenly craving body warmth. A cold breeze had swept over her, causing her to shift her body toward the wall. Barely moving an inch, she froze at the sudden realization that one side of her bed was warm. Somehow she knew it wasn't her own warmth but someone else's that was once beside her not too long ago. The surface of the spot behind her, she was sure it was empty but she could still feel as if someone was there. Goosebumps prickled her skin as she hesitated to turn around.
She clenched her eyes shut and finally spun around, even though she knew there was no one there, it was the warmth that she was afraid of. She faced the wall, bringing her fingers to feel along the vacant spot that was now losing its warmth. A soft dent centered the middle of the pillow beside her as her fingers went to that as well.
Who…who was lying here? Cloud? Axel? Someone else?
She rose from the bed, once again surveying the room in case she missed something. She had to have missed something. Something blue finally caught her eye on the nightstand. She turned to see a plate of oozing blue liquid, a wooden stick floating in it. She cautiously brought her finger to dip into the liquid and back to her mouth. Her suspicions were confirmed. Sea Salt ice cream.
Her hand went back to trace over the vacant shapes of the now cold surface beside her. How long had he been there? Why did he come? Why didn't he wait for her to wake up? Was it his voice she heard calling out to her before she went unconscious back at the Market Place?
So many questions began to flood her mind as if she didn't have enough. Still, it startled her. The way he was there and the way he was gone…almost as if he was never there and it was all a figment of her imagination. Almost as if, he was just a dream and his presence never really existed. Like a whisper, his presence had vanished into the silence of her room and whether he was really there or not, she would never know. Just like a Nobody, an existence that would be there one moment and fade the next…
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Hmm so that's a great way to leave off the chapter right::dodges sticks and stones: I know I know you wanna see some Axel already. Don't worry, he's coming and it'll be very umm…hot. :cheesy smile: Just like he is, hot. Also is anyone interested in the story's rating changing to M in order to include an intimate scene or is it fine the way it is? I don't mind either way but I wanna know the reader's opinions.
