Welcome back! I apologize for the wait. This book seems to be cooperating far less than the others. But we will keep chugging along. Then again, I have far less planned out in relation to At World's End compared to the first two. But it is a work in progress.

As always, I do not own anything related to Pirates of the Caribbean.

Enjoy!


Chapter 4

Lena's Journal - July ?

Does time even move while in the Locker? I don't know if there is even a date to write down…

I am so tired of emotions. Every time I get close to feeling happy again, something else happens to ruin it. It's like I haven't had a break in months, back before we were even running from Davy Jones.

And we finally found Jack and I have him back but other things are weighing me down. I'm ecstatic to have him back, but I don't think it will truly sink in until I'm able to properly talk to him. I need to know what really happened that day, if he is willing to tell me.

I just can't believe that Elizabeth would do something like that. To condemn him to death and to put me through all of that. I don't even know where to begin with that. Eventually I will have to speak to her, but I don't know if I will ever want to.

Once we are at sea, I will hopefully have a chance to speak with Jack properly. Right now, he is too busy fighting with Barbossa for the title of Captain. I imagine it will get worse before anything is settled between them. And then I can finally settle what is on my mind.


A calm sea surrounded the Black Pearl as the wind pushed it along the water. It was a strange fact considering that there hadn't been a single breeze on the island where they had found Jack, so Lena was amazed that they could move at all.

Nonetheless, without hindrance, the Pearl was moving, though the occasional look she caught from Jack or Barbossa while they were preparing to set off had told her that they didn't have much clue as to a direction. And after that, the tension built. Any command Barbossa gave, Jack repeated a second later. Seeing where it was going, Lena chose to give Jack and herself space as she assisted the crew with the lines, securing them as needed and adjusting the canvases.

There was one problem that wasn't too difficult to avoid either, and that was Elizabeth. She had made herself scarce after they had set sail, and Lena didn't blame her. No doubt she wasn't the only one feeling bitter after finding out the truth, regardless of why it had been done. While it might have been true that it had saved their lives, Lena would be hard pressed to see it that way.

It felt like Elizabeth had betrayed her in the worst possible way. All their years of trust were shattered. She didn't know how to move past that. Elizabeth had been the one she relied on and trusted without doubt in Port Royal. It's what made her consider her family. She would rarely go more than a few days without seeing her. They had been inseparable in a way. So to have fallen so far, it left a hollow feeling inside.

Just as she had with Jack, she had been willing to risk it all to save Elizabeth as well. It had only been a year before she had proven that. None of that had changed. Even when angry with her, she would never turn her back on Elizabeth, even if she wished she could. It would have made things less complicated.

Until she had the heart to confront her, when everything wasn't so raw, she would just need to continue giving her space.

Not everything was bad being back on the ship. She couldn't deny that it felt like home, being back aboard the Pearl. Being able to help out on a ship she was familiar with. The feeling was a contrast to what she had felt on Sao Feng's ship. It was foreign, unfamiliar, and had been a tense trip. Even now, Tai Huang and his men still on board, she felt more at ease even with the distrust for them lingering. It was more than just being on the Black Pearl. It was the presence of a certain captain that made things easier.

At the thought of him, Lena couldn't help but slide her eyes in his direction, smiling to herself at the sight. Across the ship, she could see him parading after Barbossa, getting in his face occasionally as they continued to argue over who was giving orders. Though it wasn't a sight she was used to, she loved it. She loved having him back. After months of denying herself the possibility, he was there in front of her, flesh and bone.

It was embarrassing to think about telling him just how much she had missed him. But she also wanted to repeat those simple words she had told him all those months ago. The words he never said a thing about.

That would have to wait however. A moment in private, once the crew was hidden away, or perhaps they would need to hide away from them. She didn't know or care which way it went. Once they were well on their way though, she would have the time with him her heart had been yearning for.


The sky was beginning to fill with stars as Lena sat on the deck, eyes drawn up as she tried to trace the constellations. However, the star map above her wasn't one she recognized. Still, it was peaceful to watch them as the quiet started to settle over the ship. Most of the crew were still out, but with the day over, they would be going below deck to rest while they could. Lena had to wonder if either captain would call it quits though. Neither seemed likely to give up command, even for a few hours, even though there were others to watch over night.

Lena could feel the day weighing down on her. Despite trying, her eyes refused to stay open as she looked up. Every few minutes, she startled awake, jerking as she drifted off. She was reluctant to move though, unsure where to go. She didn't want to risk going to the captain's cabin and start another argument between Jack and Barbossa, or who knows what sort of embarrassing predicament if Barbossa walked in instead of Jack. It was easier to just avoid it all together. But she also didn't want to head below deck without knowing what Jack planned on doing for the night.

And so she sat there, gaze occasionally switching between the crew, the stars, and Jack.

"Planning on sleepin' on deck tonight?"

Startled by the voice, Lena looked up dazedly at Jack's face grinning down at her. She hadn't even realized she was tired enough to fall asleep like that, plus it was completely dark now, meaning she had been asleep for at least a decent amount of time.

"No," Lena mumbled as she yawned. "I was waiting for you."

Jack's face softened as he reached out a hand and easily pulled her up. As she stumbled, too tired to catch herself from the motion, he placed a hand on her arm, balancing her as he laughed. "Let's get you to bed then."

Lena let him lead the way as she reluctantly moved her feet to his pace. That little bit of walking was enough to wake her up enough to see their destination. The captain's cabin was ahead of them, a relief after all her worrying. She couldn't help but scan for Barbossa, wondering if he was aware or alright with her and Jack taking it, know he still claimed himself as captain.

To her surprise, she spotted Barbossa out on deck, eyes lingering over the pair for a few seconds before they shifted towards the ocean. The wheel remained lightly in his grasp but he paid little mind to where they were going, the weather unlikely to push them off course. There wasn't a doubt in her mind though, he knew they were taking the cabin.

The two had either settled matters already, or a miracle had happened and Barbossa had given it up without argument. An impossibility, surely. For all the days spent speaking to him and in his company, she not seen Barbossa give in, not unless his somewhat questionable morals somehow directed him otherwise.

There was little point in worry over it. She could take the gift as it was and hope for the best.

A few steps later, they entered the cabin she hadn't seen in months, thinking back to the last time she had seen it, blown through and destroyed by cannons and the kraken.

Yet, the room before her showed no signs of battle. It was just as she remembered. If not a little less organized, most likely from whatever he had been doing to pass the time by himself. Maps, though useless at the moment, were scattered on the desk. Various items were tipped across it as well. Empty bottles of rum, forgotten on the table and floor. Taking a deep breath, she took in the scent that was distinctly like Jack. A smile spread across her face as she relaxed on the bed, watching Jack as he removed his coat, draping it across a chair before he made his way to the bed.

A wolfish grin was on his face as he pushed her back on the bed, giving him space to sit beside her. "Any reason you were waiting up for me?" he whispered as he hovered over her.

Lena giggled as she looked up at him, smiling even more as her chest warmed, missing these moments with him. "Not for what you're thinking. I just wanted you with me."

"While I can appreciate your company after being denied anything but my own, I must admit I missed the feeling of you as well," Jack said as he ran a hand up her side suggestively. His eyes seemed to glow in the light of the lantern as he looked at her.

Lena pulled him towards her as she closed the distance, kissing him with all she could. "Don't think I didn't miss this as well, but it wasn't that simple. I thought you were gone. Forever."

"Don't worry, death can't even keep a hold on me," Jack joked as he continued running his hand down her side.

Lena sat up, pushing him up so they were both sitting as she frowned at his joking. "Do you have any idea how I felt after you had-" she cut herself off, unable to say that last word, even with him in front of her.

Jack didn't response at first, looking at her with that unreadable look that she could never decipher, unsure what he would say next. "While I was in the Locker," Jack started, proving to confuse her as she looked at him, unsure where he was going with those words. "I had myself for company. Not that I'm too bad for company," he joked, catching a slight laugh from Lena as he smirked, before continuing, "but not another soul was on that island. It's a really not time when there's no ending. Not like being marooned. But then you would show up. Again and again. Just to disappear after a few words. I had a lot of time to think. Never missed much in my life, but you I missed. So, I can imagine what you felt."

For a man who rarely took anything seriously, it still startled her when he was serious with her. His words settled over her as she bit her lip, eyes drawn together as she looked at him. She didn't let the thoughts sit for long before she leaned forward, throwing her arms around him tightly. As he held her just as tightly, she said nothing, just remained there as she enjoyed the comfort of having him there, hopefully doing the same for him as well.

"I won't disappear on you," Lena said as she held him tighter before she pulled away, far enough to look into those brown eyes she had missed so much. "What I said all those months ago was true. I love you."

A heartbeat passed before he spoke. "Imagine my surprise to find someone crazy enough to trust me, despite everything I've put you through." Jack smirked as she shook his head slightly. "You might've done the impossible."

Lena smiled bittersweetly at him, not expecting the words returned, though she didn't know what she expected as a reply either. "I know what I've gotten into, Jack," she reminded him, and perhaps even herself, thinking back to her decision all those months ago, agreeing to take any kind of relationship she could get from him, never expecting much in return. "I'm happy to give you my love, but I don't need some commitment from you."

"And it's never been something I would promise, but you might be worth it."

She could hardly breathe as she looked at him, an open look on his face with that damn smirk that could kill her. She wouldn't dare take those words as she wanted them to, knowing too well how that had turned out before. With a forced breath and smile, she rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't force that on you."

"Lena," Jack said earnestly. "You're the only woman I thought of while stuck out there. One of the only people in general that crossed my mind." Before he finished, he rolled his own eyes as he grabbed her shoulders. "Just take what I'm offering you."

Lena could feel her heart speeding up as she locked her eyes on his, hardly able to think past what he was saying. Regardless of what he said though, she couldn't risk it. The first time had been hard enough before she let go of society's expectations. New ones had taken their place, while simultaneously building a wall to protect her, to keep her from expecting too much from Jack. Because that was always the biggest problem. She wanted more than she could get.

She couldn't deny that she wanted all of Jack. She already had to share his attention with the Pearl and the crew, his love of the sea, and that wouldn't change. But then there were the other ladies, the ones he would flirt and disappear with during the night at port. And then that twisted feeling in her gut kicked in, making her sick. And it only got worse as time went on. If she didn't think about it, if she didn't consider him hers, then she could pretend it would hurt less.

That's not what he was saying though. It went against everything she had carefully constructed around her heart. And it would shatter her if she wasn't careful.

Cringing as she took a breath, she told him while fighting the urge to avoid his eyes, "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because," she struggled with her words, unsure how to put her thoughts into words without causing problems between them. The fact was that there was nothing she could truthfully say that wasn't painful. But after months of not seeing each other, added to other issues that had never been discussed, it was no surprise that there was so much she felt needed to be said. "Because I can't take being disappointed again."

Jack nodded as he watched her pull her eyes down and sigh.

This wasn't how the night was supposed to go. In a way, she had to admit he was right. She could have just accepted his words even if she didn't believe them, but she couldn't lie either. "Let's just enjoy our night," she muttered as she looked towards him. "Sorry I ruined it."

Jack shook his head, easily sliding back into his usual attitude as if nothing happened. It amazed her how he could act like nothing ever bothered him. His lack of reply told her that wasn't the case however, though she was left to wonder just what he was thinking.

"I wouldn't say ruined, but," he trailed off as he leaned towards her, a cheeky grin on his face, "you can always make it up to me if you insist."

"You're terrible," Lena said with a laugh, gracing him with a small smile despite it all, as she pushed his shoulder playfully. It's what she loved about him though. Regardless of how dragged down she got, stuck in her mind and overthinking her feelings, he was there to pull her out of it and they could just disappear. She could just pretend like they didn't exist for a while when he was around. But if she needed to, she knew he would listen and let her work out anything she needed to as well.