#1

"This job is eating me alive," Natsu said, facing the crowd.

"I can't breathe anymore," A shot of Natsu in a police outfit was seen stepping out of the car. "Spent all these years trying to be the good guy, the man in the white hat..."

Natsu shook his head in disbelief as he continued to narrate to the crowd.

"I'm not becoming like them," He looked to the crowd in seriousness. "I AM them."

"Hey!" A female voice called out, making his head turn in its direction.

Saiko Intelli, BNHA, police outfit, was the one who called.

"What are you doing weirdo?"

"I'm doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco, or actually," He replied, before looking behind him as a set of TVs were displaying his face. Revealing that he was speaking to a camera. "ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco," He turned back towards the camera in the store and smiled like an idiot. "Suuuuuup."

"Get it together man, ok?" She berated. Natsu just gave a slight nod in acknowledgment. Seeing as she was getting nowhere with him, she turned back towards the man before her. "So the store was hit about two hours ago, they took mostly tablets, laptops, and cameras-"

Music started to play as Saiko gained a look of annoyance before turning towards Natsu, who was messing with an electric piano. Feeling her gaze, Natsu lifted his head towards her. He shut the music off before apologizing to her.

"Sorry."

Seeing as the point was made clear, she turned back towards the witness.

"I would like a list of all your employees who have ever had access to the store," She flipped her notepad closed and spoke in a slightly more irritated tone. "I would also like to apologize for my partner," The disdain was obvious as the word partner. "his parents didn't give him enough attention."

"Uh, detective?" Natsu called out from an aisle. "I already solved the case," He said as Saiko slowly turned towards him.

"We're looking for three white males, one of whom have sleep tats on both arms."

"And how do you know that?" She questioned as she made her way towards him.

"I had an informant on the inside," His narrative voice back. "He's been here for years," Saiko looked a bit confused at the years part.

"Watching," He took a few steps back. "learning," A few more steps. "waiting." Once he reached the end of the aisle, he reached out for something. "His code name?"

He pulled out a brown stuffed bear with a brown ribbon around its neck. "Fuzzy Cuddlebear," His serious expression went away as he flipped the bear. "he's an anicam." He revealed a hint of smugness in his words.

"Ugh," She groaned. "You got lucky."

"No I got here five minutes before you and figured that in this gigantic electronic store there had to be at least one working camera," He explained as he pulled out the camera inside the bear and connected it the camera broadcasting on the TV as it revealed a clear video of the three aforementioned males robbing the store.

"Oh! Hi bad guys!" He waved. He lifted Fuzzy and looked him in its beady eyes. "You did it fuzzy, you busted'm. It's time to come home." He put Fuzzy in front of his face and moved him up and down as he did his narrator voice again. "I'm not sure if I can," 'Fuzzy' spoke. "I've been undercover for so long, I've forgotten who I am." Saiko, trying her best to hide it, was amused by this. "I've seen terrible things."

"I haven't known the touch of a woman in many moons!"

"Alright," Saiko, having enough of this turned around and walked away.

"Detective Intelli?!" Natsu called out, still speaking for the bear. "Don't walk away from me!"


#2

99th Precinct, 8:03 am.

"Ah, Captain," Natsu called out. "you're at my desk," The captain, Batman, the comics one, was standing at his desk. "Just what I wanted to see first thing in the morning."

"You're three minutes late Dragneel," Batman said with his hands on his hips.

"Not my fault," Natsu replied as he tossed his bag onto his chair. "I had a plumbing problem."

Natsu was groaning on his bed as he tried to shut the alarm on his phone off. Groaning in displeasure, he grabbed it and threw it into the toilet.

"Which reminds me, I'm gonna need a new Departmentally Issue Phone," He said cheerfully, which soon went away at seeing his Captain's unamused face. "Oh c'mon, really? I'm a few minutes late so you're going to call me out in front of everyone?" He gestured to the busy police force.

"Good idea," Batman said. "Everyone!" Catching, well, everyone's attention. "Gather 'round, so I can call out Dragneel in front of you."

"OK, fine!" Natsu shouted. "I was three minutes late!" He shouted to the gathering policemen. "I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong!" He said to Batman, who was checking out his desk.

"Oh it's more than one thing," He replied, picking up a bunch of brown folders.

"Uh oh," Natsu said quietly.

"Let's start with the Kristoff murder."

"It was an amazing solve, I got him to confess in twenty minutes," He replied, not seeing the problem with it.

"You also mislabeled the evidence, so that confession is worthless if the Sargent hadn't caught your mistake," Batman said pointing to Gildarts, who scratched his head sheepishly while looking at the ground.

"Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork," Batman continued. He put the folders down and held up two pieces of paper. "Here are two pictures, one is your locker and the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?"

Natsu scanned it for a few seconds before pointing to the one on the right.

"That one's the dump?"

"They're BOTH your locker."

"Arghhhhh I should've guessed that," He said before pointing to him while looking at a random officer. "he's good."

"This folder is labeled, 'Undies, dirty'," Batman said, picking up a rather large green folder.

"So I won't confuse it with 'Undies, clean'," Natsu answered, not seeing the problem...again...

Batman looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Also, who cares about all these rules? I have more felony arrest than any other detective here!"

"You also have more mice living in your desk than any other detective!" As to prove his point, Batman pulled out a drawer that revealed a small brown mouse, making Natsu gasp.

"Algernon!" he said cheerfully going to pick up the rodent while the other cops reeled back in disgust.

"You guys Algernaun's back!" Natsu yelled to the crowd, holding the mouse in his hand.

"Get rid of the mouse, and get your act together," He glared at the pink-haired male. "Now!" he walked away with the crowd slowly dispersing.

Natsu lowered his head to the Mouse climbing around his palm.

"He's grumpy," He spoke in a tone that you would use when speaking to a child.


#3

"For the last time, THE best cop movies in order," Saiko said sitting on her desk while holding a cup of coffee. Natsu was sitting in his chair, Delano Donut sitting in a chair behind him, and Vaggie, Hazbin Hotel, leaning on a pile of boxes.

"Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Fargo," She told them while counting with her fingers. "End of discussion."

"Wrong," Natsu stated. "Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. One cop heroically saving the day while everyone else stands around and watches," He looked Saiko in the eyes. "It's the story of my life."

"I like Turner & Hooch," Donut butted in. "Tom Hanks, reluctant friendship with a dog," Donut patted the area were his heart was. "that hits me where I live."

"No," Now Vaggie, police outfit, butted in. "Robocop, it's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence," There were a few seconds of silence as everyone waited for Vaggie to finish.

"Oh, I thought you were listing things?"

"I was I'm done."

Natsu muttered a quiet 'ok'.

"Let's talk Bad Boys, that's the perfect cop movie," Livewire, SHG, strolled in. "Mr. Smith, looking fine," Natsu nodded his head in agreement. "a hot cup of tea leone? C'mon."

Gildarts rolled to the group with his chair. "Francois Truffaut's Breathless," He received weird looks. "What? Gildart's likes foreign films."

"M-kay," Natsu shrugged. "There is a correct answer to this question though," Natsu moved towards his computer then started typing something. "so gather 'round for the greatest cop film of all time. Please refrain from texting during our presentation!" He said to the back.

With a click on the keyboard, Hitchcock appeared on the screen walking towards two women.

"Alright so there's Hitchcock, there's an old hooker," Without warning, the hooker kicked Hitchcock right on the balls and ran away. "A-and there!" Natsu chuckled a bit, as did the rest of the squad.

"Oh come on guys, that happened four years ago," Hitchcock complained.

Natsu dismissed him. "Shh! This the best part," The hooker ran back towards Hitchcock. "She runs back, takes the wallet, and here she GOES!" After doing exactly as Natsu described, she kicked Hitchcock on the balls again.

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"


#4

"I'm so glad we could finally do this," Saiko said to her date, who happened to be Firestorm. They were inside a nice fancy restaurant, white table cloth and everything.

"I know, Kyle always says you're stuck at the precinct," He flashed her a smile.

"Yeah," Saiko muttered before her phone buzzed. "Speaking of, this is work, sorry," Fire Storm gave her the go signal. She quickly answered. "What's up Dragneel?"

"Captain called, he needs everybody back," Saiko had a look of annoyance at the thought of canceling her date.

"There's a lead on the Nightingale Strangler. We're looking for a white male, 5'10, good build, hair on fire, talks to himself a lot."

Saiko turned towards her date, disturbed at how accurate it described him. "Ok."

"His M.O. is he finds lonely women with no friends, poisons their food, and then guts them in his van," The camera slowly went to an angle where it showed Natsu a few seats away, on the phone, staring at the couple. "Pretty gnarly," He continued. "Last seen wearing a red and yellow suit," She looked to her date who was eating a salad.

"And witnesses have said he has trouble fitting lettuce in his mouth."

"Okay," She huffed, realizing that this was a prank. "where are you?"

"Apparently has the worlds smallest p*n*s and doesn't know how to use it-"

He quickly hung up and stuffed the phone in his pocket and reached out for a handshake. "-hi there!" he greeted friendly, making Saiko's head whip in his direction as she was busy trying to find him in the restaurant. "I'm Natsu Dragneel, Saiko's boss."

Firestorm clasped hands with the man.

"That's not true," She said quickly. "what are you doing here?" She questioned him.

"I'm here on a date," Natsu replied, turning to his seat...which was vacant. "who is now leaving," Spider-Woman, Marvel comics, made her way to the exit.

"Worth it. Have a great night!" He ruched the last part quickly and ran to his date.

Firestorm stared at his retreating figure. "Your boss seems really nice"

"He's not my boss."

"YES I AM!"


#5

"Hey!" Natsu made his way towards Vaggie and Saiko and sat down on his chair. "You guys see the dude I brought in today? The drug dealer? 81 years old, I think that's the oldest caller of my entire career," He opened a folder to do some paperwork.

"I once arrested a 96 years old, for flashing. I was terrified he would die in my back seat," Saiko looked uncomfortable at the memory. "or, flash me."

Natsu visibly grimaced at that.

"My oldest caller was 78," Vaggie stated. "but the PCP made her fight like she was twenty."

"What about two fifty year old twins, does that count as a hundred year old?" Scully, who happened to be walking nearby, asked.

"No good."

"No."

"You talking oldest bags?" Donut came in carrying two cups of coffee. "Sixty eight."

"That's not that old," Saiko stated.

"Yeah but I was only twenty."

"Twenty?" Natsu said in confusion. "Were you even a cop then?"

"No man, that was before I got into the academy," Donut looked proud at his achievement. Well, as proud as someone wearing pink armor could look.

There were a few moments of silence as Natsu and Saiko tried to process this. Vaggie, who was smiling, started to connect the dots.

"Donut isn't talking about his oldest arrest," She smirked. The words started to sink in.

"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!"

"No! Yes-yes I am!" Donut replied hastily, seeing his mistake. "Yeah, oldest arrest, sixty eight, like I said."

"God! You had s*x with a sixty eight year old when you were in your twenties!?" Natsu laughed.

"You know how it is," Donut said nervously, embarrassed at being caught. "When you have a chance to bed an older woman you-"

He stopped at seeing Saiko's and Scully's horrified faces, as well as Vaggie's amused one.

"No that's not an older woman, that's an OLD woman!" Natsu stressed. "That's someones grandma!" He shuddered at the thought.

Donut quickly pointed at him, finding confidence in his words. "She was, actually, that's how I met her."

"URGH!" Saiko's head turned to the opposite direction from where Donut was standing, hoping to drown out his 'experience'.

"Went to college with her grandson Marvin-"

Natsu was giggling to himself while everyone else started to move away from Donut.

"-don't knock it 'till you try it! She had a replacement hip with some serious torque."

"NO!" Trying to stop himself from laughing, Natsu made his way to the break room.

"It's like having s*x with a transformer!"

"That is no-ones fantasy!"