Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not me.

A/N:

Yanagi: I swear, one more of these and I'll scream...

Sora: Aw, you're so cute when you're angry Yanagi-chan!

Kita: Let's just get to the fic before anything bad happens...



Chapter 2: Naruto Should Get a New Apartment

"And that is how we will steal Kakashi's underpants!" exclaimed Itachi, pointing at a new piece of cardboard on the easel. The diagram on the board consisted of an intricate series of 'x's and 'o's drawn up like a football plan. However, there were so many different lines going symbol to symbol that it was impossible to work out. In the end, it just looked like a two-year old had tried to complete a 'connect the dots' game... and failed miserably.

Everyone tilted their heads, wondering if it made more sense upside-down. It didn't...

"Comrades!" yelled Itachi, suddenly appearing in full camo-gear (bright yellow Hawaiian shirt... it makes no difference). "Let us move forward to Konohagakure to claim the item that we covert so! For it is with this item that all our dreams shall come true!"

The confused Akatsuki members exchanged glances, shrugged, and walked out the door while Itachi was still talking.

"Hey! Wait for me!" cried Itachi, finally realising the room was empty.


Meanwhile, in Konohagakure...

Sakura took a deep breath. This was going to be the hardest mission she had ever been assigned since becoming a chuunin. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could be harder. Her green eyes fraught with determination, she flung open the door and stepped inside.

Naruto's apartment looked like a pig-sty... well, actually worse. She'd had to clean Tsunade's pet pig's sty once and compared to this, it was like a flower garden.

Sakura felt like fainting- the smell was burning her nose hairs and making her eyes water furiously.

Nearby, a pile of garbage shifted and sat up. Sakura twitched and screamed. In a flash she had her gloves on. She punched forward, sending the garbage monster into a wall.

"Ow! What the hell!" groaned the 'garbage monster', peeling itself off of the wall and falling down. Empty ramen cups fell off, revealing a battered and bruised Naruto.

"Naruto?" screeched Sakura, shocked. "But-but! How can you be here! You were just at the team meeting!"

Naruto cracked his nose back into place and rubbed it. He scratched his chest and yawned. "It was too early, so I sent a Kage Bunshin."

"The meeting was at midday! That's not early!" Sakura had a small vein popping out of her huge forehead.

"Eh..." The blonde genin shrugged. He pulled a carton of milk out from the fridge (at least, Sakura presumed the thing was a fridge), and gulped it down. He burped and threw the carton to join its brethren in a graveyard of other built-up milk cartons. "Anyway, what's the newest mission Sakura-chan?"

"If you had been there, you would have known it was to clean your apartment!" yelled Sakura. The throbbing vein had taken over half her forehead. "Tsunade-sama has been getting complaints from your neighbours for the past six months! She said that if we don't clean it up, we'll be getting D-rank missions for the rest of our life!"

Naruto shrugged again. "Meh..."

Sakura calmed herself down; it was time to bring out the big guns. "She also said she'd ban every ramen place in town from serving you."

Naruto gave a half-strangled cry of 'Noooo!'. In a flash he was suited up for action, a handkerchief over his hair, apron tied on, and a broom in hand. "Sakura-chan! We will strive our best to complete this serious mission! Believe it!"

The pink-haired chuunin threw her hands up before grabbing a broom as well. Before they started, she turned to her team-mate. "Oh, and by the way, Sai is coming to help us."

The broom fell out of Naruto's hands. "Nooo!" he cried again. "He'll make fun of me and say I have no balls again! And he'll call you names too, Sakura-chan! Like you're a cow, or you're monstrously-strong, or you're super-ugly, or you're a big-forehead-ed weirdo!"


Outside Naruto's apartment building...

Sai looked up as something that looked like a meteorite crashed out of Naruto's apartment wall and smacked into the building next door. Several tonnes of empty ramen cups billowed out from the hole and rained from the sky, covering the ground like putrid snow.

Sai raised an eyebrow and turned around. "Looks like they won't need my help then," he muttered and quickly shuffled off down the street.


Inside the Hokage's office...

Tsunade heard a loud crash in the distance and woke up with a start. She wiped the drool off of her chin and looked out of her window. A large pillar of dust rose from the direction of Naruto's apartment. Suddenly the wind picked up and blew inside her office. Tsunade felt like she was being choked as a wave of stink hit her. She fell to the ground with a loud bang and held her neck and made spluttering noises. Empty sake bottles flew up into the air as the table fell over, crashing loudly.

"Tsunade-sama! Are you okay? I heard a-" Shizune entered the office and immediately fell to the ground as well, feeling like she was being choked.

The sounds of thousands of people being choked drifted throughout the village as the brown wave of stink wafted over it.


Miles away in Sunagakure...

"Since when did Konohagakure have a smog problem?" asked Kankuro squinting into the distance where Konohagakure was situated.

"My woman's intuition is going off like crazy..." Temari squinted as well before turning to her younger brother. "What do you think Gaara?"

The red-haired Jinchuuriki looked up from making sandcastles. "I think I need more sand. Know where I can get any?"

Kankuro and Temari pointed in different directions, where miles of desert lay all around them.

"Ah, thanks," Gaara replied. He looked down at his sandcastle, then back up at his siblings. "Know where I can get some water? This lacks a moat."


Many more miles away at Orochimaru's "secret" lair...

The doorbell rang loudly to the tune of 'Who Let the Dogs Out?' as it was pressed. The tune echoed throughout the lair.

Orochimaru swore loudly as he heard it and made his way to the front door. "That's the last time I ever let Kabuto pick a tune for the doorbell... or my mobile..." (His mobile had been set to ring to the tune of 'The Ketchup Song', which annoyed Orochimaru to no end. He had quite been enjoying his previous ring-tone of Darth Vader's Theme song)

The Snake-sennin flung open the door and immediately his eye twitched and his face paled (if that was even possible). Hundreds of snake-skin bags littered his front lawn.

"Yeah, you Orochimaru? I got a delivery for ya." The teamster scratched his backside with the clipboard before handing it to the pale man.

Kabuto appeared next to Orochimaru and looked over his shoulder. He gasped. "No! My perfect lawn! Do you know how long it took me to get that perfectly the same length! Orochimaru-sama! Aren't you going to do something!"

When Kabuto looked at his master, all there was left was an empty skin, which flopped to the ground pathetically.

The teamster rubbed his ruddy and dripping nose with a dirty sleeve. "There's sumthin' you don't see everyday- neva seen a bloke get scared outta his skin before..."


A few miles away, back in the direction of Konohagakure...

"Alright, who let one fly?" demanded Itachi, covering his nose.

Everyone looked at Kisame.

"It wasn't me!" cried the Shark-man, ducking as another barrage of kunai flew over his head.

"Sasori no Danna, are you telling me you don't smell that, hmm!" The mouths in Deidara's hands were coughing and spluttering violently.

The puppet-man gave his partner a blank stare.

Zetsu breathed in deeply. "It smells just like my lovely compost pile at home..."

"Tobi eats a lot of bananas for Zetsu-san's compost pile!" Tobi said proudly.

There was a silence as the other Akatsuki members paused to wonder what that could possibly mean.

Itachi coughed when it became awkward. "Let's just get going."

"Can we sing '99 Bottles of Sake on the Wall' while we're walking?" asked Kisame. He began to sing. "Ooooh, 99 bottles of sake on the wall, 99 bottles of sake! Take one down and-"

"No!" yelled everyone, throwing kunai at him.



A/N:

Yanagi: -screams-

RJ: xx