Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not me.

A/N:

RJ: -sneakily puts another chapter up and scampers away-



Chapter 3: Pocky, We Knew Thee Not...

"Uzumaki Naruto!" screamed a voice.

Naruto, who was using Kage Bunshins to scrape himself off of the side of a building gave an 'uh-oh' before yelling at his clones to work faster.

When he finally was able to pull his leg free he turned to his clones once more. "You guys gotta help me! Cause a distraction or something before the old woman gets me!"

The Naruto clones exchanged uneasy glances with each other. Suddenly they turned around and jumped onto a conveniently-placed road before getting squished by a conveniently-timed steamroller.

"Naruto! Where the hell are you!" screeched the voice again.

The orange-clad ninja froze and looked at the ground where a puddle of blood had been left by his clones. There was a low thud and the puddle of blood rippled slightly. Slowly, the thuds became louder and faster and the blood splashed about like a storm.

The thuds stopped and Naruto turned. At the end of the street was a very angry and very blood-thirsty looking Tsunade.

Naruto let out an eep and began to run.

There was a monstrous roar and Tsunade took off after him down the street.

Naruto, too afraid to turn to look behind him, pulled out a kunai and used its reflection to see. Naruto noticed on the bottom of the kunai the words 'Objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear' were engraved. The genin's eye twitched as he caught sight of a pair of infamous objects on Tsunade's person. Naruto didn't want to stop to find out if the kunai was true and continued running.

Just a few minutes ahead, a line of small school children were crossing the road. The plump lollypop lady smiled in a grandmotherly way as she held her stop sign and herded the children across.

"Ahhhh!" came a scream.

The lollypop lady turned, wondering what the commotion was. An orange blur was running down the street towards her and the school children. The lollypop lady held her sign out.

"You have to stop!" she yelled. "There are still people crossing!"

"I caaaaaaan't!" replied the orange blur. "Out of the way!"

"But there are people still crossing!" yelled the plump lollypop lady. The figure just screamed and continued ahead.

The lollypop lady decided to take action! As the person appeared she swung her arm out, clothes-lining him.

Naruto was flung onto the ground and was pummelled by the lollypop lady's stop sign.

"There!"

whack

"Are people!"

whack-whack

"Still!"

whack

"Crossing!"

whack-whack-whack-whack

The children cheered as their favourite plump lollypop lady delivered the final blow- a body slam...

Several seconds later, Tsunade ground to a halt besides the crossing and looked down at the barely identifiable orange smear on the road. She looked up at the lollypop lady.

"Thanks Doreen," she said, scraping the thing off of the road.

The lollypop lady smiled. "Always happy to help, Tsunade-sama!"

"I don't think I'll ever quite understand why you quit as ANBU captain, Doreen." Tsunade stuffed the orange smear into a smelly gym bag. She waved to the lollypop lady and started back to her office.


Elsewhere in Konohagakure...

"Kakashi-kun!" yelled a voice full of youth.

The silver-haired jounin's eyebrow twitched as his eternal rival leapt and landed on the ground before him and flashed a smile. The beam of light reflecting from his teeth was so bright a nearby building caught on fire.

"What is it now, Gai-kun?" asked Kakashi with a sigh.

"I have just come back from my dentist who is full of youth and blazing glory! Yosh!" Gai struck a pose that blinded several conservative grandmothers nearby.

"You're still doped up on anaesthetics, aren't you Gai?" Kakashi noted a slight bit of drool coming out of Gai's mouth. "That or you were staring down the dentist's shirt while she was fixing your teeth..." Kakashi scratched his chin. "Probably the first, I'm still not sure where your priorities lay."

The Magnificent Green Beast of Konoha was silent for a few seconds, silently crying over his rival's youth-draining response. He recovered though and struck another pose. "Kakashi, my eternal rival! I propose a new challenge to recover our youth!"

Kakashi yawned. "What's that?"

"The challenge shall be- washing! Yosh!" exclaimed Gai. "We shall meet at the Laundromat in twenty minutes with all of our washing, as well as our student's washing! And then we shall see who can complete their washing first! And if I do not complete or I lose this challenge, I shall..." Gai paused, thinking of something relevant. "I shall give you my prize training outfit so that you may wear it and increase the Springtime of your Youth!"

Kakashi's one visible eye had a look of sheer horror as his rival leapt away, teeth gleaming and building catching alight.


A few minutes later inside the Hyuuga compound...

Neji scratched his backside and yawned as he made his way over to his desk (which looked like those ones you see models and celebrities put their make-up on infront of). He sat down on the stool and grabbed a brush.

"Damn tangles..." grumbled Neji, wondering if a buzz cut would ever work on him.

There was a soft shuffling sound behind him. Neji leapt up, brandishing his brush like a kunai. However, there was nobody there- just an open window and his closest ajar slightly.

Neji curiously made his way over to the closest, brush still in hand.

"Hands up!" yelled Neji, holding the brush like a gun.

Suddenly he gasped. Every single piece of clothing in his closest was gone! Wait... no... not all of it. There were still a couple items of clothing left up the far back of his closest. Neji went over to them to see.

Outside, a large "Noooo!" echoed throughout the Hyuuga compound.


At the daily Team Gai meeting a few more minutes later...

"Pssst..."

Tenten blinked and looked around. She couldn't see anyone.

"Pssst!" A stick bonked Tenten on the head. "Hey!"

The dark-haired girl looked up into the tree and screamed. "Neji!" exclaimed Tenten, pointing with wide eyes.

"Shhh!" Neji crawled out of the tree, making sure nobody was around. He rounded the trunk and Tenten gasped.

Neji was dressed like a pirate... puffy shirt and all.

"What the hell happened!" asked Tenten in a hushed tone. "Why are you wearing that!"

"I... I had no choice... Somebody stole my clothes." Neji went red with embarrassment... or anger... Tenten couldn't tell.

"Wait, somebody stole your clothes too?" asked Tenten.

Pirate-Neji blinked. "Eh? But how come your clothes are so normal then?" He looked at her clothes.

"Oh, yes Neji... going around dressed up as Chun-Li is really normal!" fumed Tenten, waving a hand with a large spiked gauntlet on her wrist. "The only thing I had left was my Halloween costume from the other year!"

"But I think you look awesome in that..." mumbled Neji.

Tenten went to yell again but blinked. "You think I look awesome?"

Neji blushed and nodded.

The two stood in silence for a few seconds, petals falling down around them... before suddenly a foot came out of nowhere and smashed into Neji's face.

"Take that, pirate! You shall not be kidnapping any fair team-mate of mine! Yosh! Though I am without clothes, I shall still protect her!" Rock Lee landed and took up a fighter's stance.

Tenten looked at Lee... Neji looked at Lee... Tenten looked at Neji... Neji looked at Tenten...

Neji and Tenten screamed... and then ran away like death was on their heels.


Elsewhere, not too far away...

"Tobi, what is that?" asked Zetsu as his minion quietly munched on something.

"Tobi found a box on the side of the road and found yummy stuff inside!" exclaimed Tobi, holding up the box.

Zetsu took the box and read it. "Pocky..." Suddenly he sensed he was surrounded and looked up.

"Did you say, Pocky?" asked Itachi, red Sharingan eyes staring.

"Mind sharing it with us, hmm?" asked Deidara.

"Is it 'Pocky for Men'?" asked Kisame.

"Aww, but Tobi wanted the last stick!" cried Zetsu's subordinate.

"Last one!" yelled Itachi, Deidara, and Kisame, leaping on the venus fly-trap man.

Sasori caught a small stick-like thing as it flew out of the struggle. He studied it for a brief second before taking a bite and eating it. He munched it carefully before he remembered something. "Oh, that's right... I don't have a sense of taste."


As the Akatsuki members left the scene, a small shrine lie set up on the side of the road. On it there was an inscription:

Dear, sweet Pocky... you met a tasteless end...



A/N:

Yanagi: Oh yes, that ending was so very witty...

Sora: Well I liked it –munches on Pocky-

Kita: Pocky! –eats-

Sora: Nuuu!