Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not me.
A/N:
Sora- I dread this chapter...
Yanagi- I'm so glad I ordered a bomb shelter before all this...
Chapter : Yes, that is Troublesome
"What is with you youngsters today!" demanded Doreen the lollypop lady, stomping her stop sign on the ground and walking away from a smear on the road that vaguely resembled a pirate.
"Neji!" gasped Tenten, crouching down beside her team-mate. She poked him with a stick for a few minutes.
"Did someone catch the licence plate of that UFO?" asked Neji groggily.
"Tenten! Fear not, for the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha is coming to save you!"
Tenten turned around and screamed. Without waiting another second, she rolled up Neji, slung him over her shoulder and continued to run. "Somebody save me!"
Not that far away...
Shikamaru stared up at sky whilst he leant up against a building. It was a lazy day and he was a lazy chuunin. The pair got along fine. However his attention was grabbed as he saw a pirate, a Chun Li, and a naked Lee streak past.
Shikamaru blinked.
"How troublesome," he mumbled before going back to cloud watching.
"Shikamaru!" yelled a voice. Ino ran over and whacked him over the head. "You bum! Didn't you get the message! We're supposed to be at an emergency team meeting!"
"Eh... meeting? I didn't hear anything about it..." The spiky-haired boy yawned.
Ino glared at him. "Don't you ever check your mobile!"
Shikamaru blinked. "Mo...bile?"
Ino whacked him over the head and pulled a mobile phone out of his chuunin vest. "Yes! The one you get when you become a chuunin!" She grumbled as she noticed it was out of battery. She pulled a fresh one out of her leg pouch and placed it in Shikamaru's. Immediately the phone started to beep like crazy. Ino pressed a button and went silent.
Shikamaru felt nervous suddenly.
"You... have one million unread messages..." said Ino quietly.
Shikamaru backed up slowly.
"One... million..." breathed Ino, her voice like poison.
In Sunagakure...
"I didn't know Konohagakure was under nuclear attack," said Kankuro, squinting into the distance where a large mushroom cloud rose.
"For once, my woman's intuition isn't tingling..." Temari squinted as well. "If anything, it's saying 'Hell yeah!'" She turned to her little brother. "What do you think, Gaara?"
Gaara was munching on something square.
"Gaara, what is that?" asked Temari. "And where did you get it?"
"I decided to make my own lunch today," Gaara replied, looking at the thing in his hands. "Are you supposed to make sandwiches with sand in the middle or with sandpaper on the outsides? Because I went with both..."
Back in Konohagakure...
"Hey, Ino," Chouji waved as his blonde team mate walked over. "Did you find Shikamaru?"
"I sure did..." spat Ino, throwing a char-grilled chuunin on the ground.
Shikamaru's pineapple hair was smouldering.
Chouji stared down for a minute, mouth gasping open and closed like a fish.
"Ahem, Chouji? Have you got a question?" asked Ino sweetly, giving Shikamaru a good kick in the backside.
"Uh... no, I'm fine." replied Chouji stepping back a little.
"Ah, we're all here? Good," Asuma appeared next to the trio. For once, the smell of smoke didn't appear with him.
Ino raised an eyebrow as her sensei pulled out a red lollipop and began to suck on it. "When did you quit smoking?"
Asuma glimpsed around uneasily. "Since some guy from some company said that smoking in front of kids was wrong. He took out a pair of scissors, cut my cig in half, and then told me that wouldn't be the only thing he would be cutting unless I quit."
Ino looked confused, though Chouji and Shikamaru (who was now back to normal for some reason) shuddered.
"Anyway," Ino's blue eyes shifted around wondering what the guys where acting so weird about. "What's today's mission, Asuma-sensei?"
Asuma pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "Hm, let's see..."
A little bit later...
"Why do we have to clean up a mess that Sakura and Naruto made!" screamed Ino from under a gas mask. The surrounding streets had been evacuated due to a severe health risk... and there were rats...
Chouji gave a high-pitched scream as a rat ran over his foot.
Shikamaru got off-track as he started to do Darth Vader impressions with his gas mask. He tapped Chouji on the shoulder. "-gasp- -wheeze- Chouji... I am your father!"
The Akimichi screamed again and dived into a mountain of ramen cups to escape. Unfortunately, he "escaped" into a rats' nest.
Needless to say, Chouji wasn't very happy.
Ino sighed and continued to clean.
In the Hokage's office...
"I can't believe you two!" exclaimed Tsunade exasperatingly. "All I asked was for you to clean up the mess in Naruto's apartment and now we've got a potential village-wide evacuation pending unless we get it cleaned up quickly. I've been getting reports from all over the country that plague-sized rat packs are making a pilgrimage here!" She sighed. "Do you know how much chaos that could cause?"
"Uh... no?" replied Naruto and Sakura, both hanging upside-down from the rafters.
"Well, for one thing, the Akimichi clan have a huge fear of rats. Now you imagine millions of rats, and now what damage the Akimichi clan could do on top of that."
Naruto and Sakura shivered.
"Exactly!" Tsunade rubbed her temples and took a swig from a sake bottle. "And frankly, that's something I don't want to have to deal with. The screams alone would deafen people." She slammed the bottle down on her desk. "So what am I supposed to do with you two now?"
"Uh, let us go?" suggested Naruto optimistically.
Tsunade flicked Naruto in the head, sending him flying back and forth and hitting the ceiling. She swapped her glance to Sakura and raised an eyebrow.
"Uh... Give us some horrible mission?" asked Sakura meekly.
"Bingo!" Tsunade took another swig of sake and held up a clipboard. "A shop called 'The Bag Boutique' came around about an hour ago to report that they had been unpaid by a client. Said client refused to pay for a thousand snake-skin bags of the highest quality. On further inspection of said client, we found that they had been dodging paying their taxes for the past forty years."
Naruto gave a low whistle. "That'd be enough money to pay for all the sake you go through in a month!"
Tsunade flicked Naruto in the forehead again.
"Tsunade-sama, um, who is the client?" asked Sakura, trying her best to not incur her teacher's rage.
"As it so happens... it's Orochimaru..."
Naruto and Sakura froze and screamed silently.
Tsunade glared at them. "It'll be your job to infiltrate Orochimaru's so-called "secret" lair. Here's a map," She stuffed a piece of paper into Naruto's still gaping mouth. "When you have infiltrated Orochimaru's lair, you are to apprehend him and his accomplices and bring them back here for questioning."
"But-but... it's Orochimaru!" protested Sakura. "You can't send me and Naruto off after him! He'll kill us as soon as we ring the doorbell!"
Tsunade smirked. "Oh, I wouldn't be too worried... And anyway, I'm sending another team with you, who you'll meet at the Konoha gates. Oh, and I'm sending an extra team-mate with you as well."
Naruto looked excited. "Ooh, who is it? Is it a cute kuno-"
The door opened and Sai walked in. "Hello, Tsunade-sama! I'm here like you..." He looked over at Naruto and Sakura, still dangling upside-down. He smiled fakely. "Why, hello No-balls and Sakura-cow!"
Sakura and Naruto growled and wiggled as they tried to bite his arms off. Sai stepped back, just out of their reach.
Tsunade sighed, taking another swig. "Now, unfortunately you'll be going alone with this other team. For some reason I have been unable to locate any of the jounin sensei lately..."
Not too far away in the Laundromat...
"Come now, Eternal Rival! Where is your Youthful Spirit!" yelled Gai, shovelling clothes in by the bucket-full.
Kakashi grumbled and picked up a pair of Naruto's boxers with some tongs. I'm probably better off burning these than washing them...
"I'll bet you dinner that Gai wins," said Kurenai, sitting just nearby.
"Alright," agreed Asuma, continuing to suck on a lollipop.
On the road to Konohagakure...
"How long does it take to get to Konohagakure anyway?" asked Itachi.
"Didn't you have the map?" inquired Sasori.
"I thought Deidara had it," replied Itachi.
"I thought Zetsu had it, hmm..." said Deidara.
"I thought Kisame had it," shrugged Zetsu.
Everyone turned to Kisame.
"Uh... I thought Tobi had it..." Kisame winced.
"Imbecile!" shouted Itachi. "Everyone knows how much Tobi likes to eat maps! We'll have to take him to the vet now!"
Tobi burped. "Tobi loves geography... though it makes Tobi feel ill..." He went green-ish.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" screamed Kisame, running from a barrage of shuriken.
A/N:
Kita- This isn't going to get any better...
RJ- You got that right...
