Two chapters within a few days? Impossible!
I didn't want to leave you guys with a cliffhanger for too long, so I waited to have this one basically finished before posting the last chapter.
Thanks to Imtheperson for helping edit this chapter.
Dedicated to my wife and daughter.
A Shattered Illusion
With three, terrible words, the beautiful illusion before him snapped.
Gone was the perfect, peaceful life that he had fallen in love with. Gone was the carefree family that he had bled and died for. Gone was the child that he had held in his arms mere minutes ago.
All that existed was a quivering voice and the horrendous reality that spewed from them.
"Who is Emilia?"
Subaru should have known that things were too good to be true.
Her voice took on a desperate edge. "Subaru. Please. Answer the question. Who is Emilia?"
When he didn't answer, she masked her rising panic with concern. She shifted closer to and laid the back of her hand against his forehead, just as she had a few days ago.
"You're awfully warm," she murmured, frowning. "You have a fever. That must be it."
Subaru couldn't respond. His entire body shook violently. Thoughts raced through his mind, but he couldn't latch on to a single one of them.
She observed him carefully, pursing her lips.
They both knew that this wasn't a fever.
"Subaru, who is—"
"Stop."
She grimaced. He hadn't spoken to her like that in a long, long time.
Her blood started to boil, and it wasn't only because of his tone.
"Don't ask that question," Subaru said vehemently. "You don't—you can't joke like that!"
"I am not joking," she said, raising her voice to a shout. "Who is Emilia?!"
"She's you! I mean, she's not you, but—"
"Then who is she?! Are you cheating on me?!"
"What?! No!"
"Then why did you say that you love her?!"
Subaru's heart skipped a beat, then it resumed pounding at twice the speed. He tore away from her iron grip and jumped out of the bed, his mind running a thousand miles an hour. "Because I do! Because I love you! Because—fuck, you don't understand!"
Her face turned redder and redder, though the tears did not lessen in the slightest. She spoke through gritted teeth, no longer yelling. "I understand just fine. You broke the one promise that I trusted you to keep above all else. You promised to love me and only me, my husband."
"And I do!"
"Liar!"
They were back to screaming at each other, just as they used to in those terrible days back in the mansion.
Except this time, it was a matter of the heart, not the soul.
"I'd never cheat on you! You mean everything to me!"
"You're lying! Tell me who Emilia is!"
"Stop asking that question!"
Subaru stumbled away from her, but the room was spinning, and he nearly retched as he collapsed against the wall. She yelped and went to help him up, but he had already righted himself and was storming towards the door.
He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. His entire body shook, as his chest heaved with every breath.
"I'm going… to save her…"
His words cut off her impending tirade. She wasn't any less red-faced, but some of her righteous fury had been replaced by confusion. "What do you mean, 'save her'?"
Subaru slowly turned back to her with a haunted look in his eyes. She flinched from how utterly dead he looked.
"Please… help me, Satella. Help me save her."
Silence.
Then, she laughed.
It was a dry, hoarse laugh. Subaru almost expected her to start hacking and coughing.
All of a sudden, she stopped. "Is this a joke? Do you not realize how cruel it is to ask your wife to help your mistress?"
His hand fell limply from the doorknob, as he walked back towards Satella. He reached for her hands, which she reluctantly placed in his, though not without glaring at him.
"I would never cheat on you," he said firmly. "I swear it on my mother and my father."
Her eyes widened at his proclamation.
"You're not… lying," she whispered, her shoulders slumping as she relaxed a bit. "You're not lying."
"Help me," he repeated. She bit her lip; he was getting through to her. "Help me save her."
"I…"
Thoughts of Emilia laying comatose and forgotten filled Subaru's mind, sending him into another frenzy. "I need to find her! I need—damn it, I don't have time for this!"
"But—"
"You'll understand everything once she's safe, I promise! Just trust me!"
He sprinted out of the room, yelling over his shoulder, "Are you coming or not?!"
He didn't wait for an answer.
He couldn't think straight. He checked every room despite knowing that it was infeasible that Emilia would just be lying there—surely, someone would have stumbled upon her. But was both her name and memories eaten or just her name?
He stopped his mad dash and pivoted to the Taygeta Library. Rage filled his entire being, as he realized who exactly was to blame.
… Well, one of three candidates, but if there was anyone who would know what had happened to Emilia, it would be Louis Arneb.
He burst through the door, finding Beatrice reading a book. She looked up, annoyed, but that quickly faded to concern.
"Father? What's wrong, I wonder?"
"What did I do with the Books of the Dead?"
His sudden question caught her off guard. "B-Betty doesn't know what those are, I suppose."
He grit his teeth. "There's no way you didn't see them. Where are the Books of the Dead?"
Too flabbergasted to be genuinely hurt by his tone, Beatrice pointed an unsure finger towards the far wall.
He stomped over to it and grabbed a book that was most certainly not a Book of the Dead.
"'A Murder on the City Streets'," he read aloud. "First off, lame title. Second, that's not what I meant!"
As he scoured the library, he suddenly remembered his original suspicion: that this was just the Second Trial. But that didn't make sense—if he had made a mistake that caused Emilia to be forgotten, he wouldn't just settle down like this. He wouldn't retreat to the desert and live an idyllic life.
He'd be fighting tooth and nail to bring her back.
He nearly overturned another shelf, trying to find where he may have hidden the Books. Had they been destroyed? If so, did they also destroy Reid's Book?
… Reid's Trial was gone. His Book was likely gone, too.
He couldn't talk to Louis without recreating a gateway to the Od Laguna, and he couldn't do that with his lack of power. For all he knew, Louis wasn't even alive anymore.
He slammed his fist against the wall. "Damn it," he said harshly. He turned to face a wide-eyed Beatrice, as he began to explore another avenue. "Beako, have you heard anything about the—"
He cut himself off. It was a stupid question—of course, she wouldn't have heard anything. After all, if they were here, relaxing out in the desert, the Witch Cult had to have been annihilated, and that included the Archbishops.
But people didn't remember Emilia.
Why hadn't Subaru said anything? Why hadn't he told them about Gluttony and their powers?
… Or maybe he had. Whenever Subaru needed to get something off of his chest, he usually told Beatrice.
"Do you know who Emilia is?" he blurted.
Beatrice tilted her head. "That sounds familiar, I suppose," she said slowly, filling Subaru with hope. Suddenly, she lit up and dashed to a corner of the room, returning with a thick tome. She cleared her throat and read out the cover. "'A Goddess Reincarnated Me, So Now I'm Stuck Living Life as a Baker in Another World, But I Have Magic Powers, So It's Okay,' I suppose."
Beatrice opened the book and handed it to Subaru, showing him various illustrations, one of which was of a female dwarf named "Amelia."
"Betty found it, I suppose," she said proudly. "This is a bit of a spoiler, but Amelia dies in the penultimate chapter, in fact."
She put her hands on her hips and grinned, happy that she had found a book with a dead person named "Amelia."
He forced a shaky smile onto his face. "R-Right, thanks, Beako. You're the best."
"As expected of Betty, I suppose. Can Betty have it back now? It is due for a reread, I suppose."
Subaru wondered when Beatrice had developed such terrible taste, but he didn't say anything. His mind was already back on his original task.
He handed the book to Beatrice and headed out, not wanting to worry her any more than he already had.
As soon as the door closed behind him, he ran to where Reid's Trial was supposed to be. Just like before, it was nothing more than a simple room.
He ran all the way to the roof. Placing his hands on his knees and catching his breath, he lifted his head up but didn't see Volcanica, either.
That settled it; he couldn't access the Corridor of Memories.
At least, not immediately.
He raised himself up and placed his hand over his racing heart, trying to calm down and think clearly.
He may not have the power to recreate the Books of the Dead, but Satella did.
He remembered how he had done it the first time around. The method wouldn't be too hard to teach. Sure, there was the moral dilemma of bringing such terrible things into the world—not that he had been aware of the psychological influence when he had originally made them—but he could destroy them again before anyone else got their hands on them. No one would get hurt.
He just needed to find Emilia. There was no light in the world without her.
He nearly slapped himself in the face. He hadn't tried using Cor Leonis! Closing his eyes and smiling, he reached for those pinpricks of light…
… and found nothing.
He didn't feel Emilia, but he also didn't feel Satella, Beatrice, Meili, Shaula, or even his infant son. He felt no one.
He did his best not to panic. After all, he was on the roof. Others were far away. There was a distance limit on Cor Leonis. Everything was okay. He just needed to go back inside.
But as he ran, their lights did not come any closer.
He went to the library. Beatrice wasn't there.
He went to his bedroom. Satella wasn't there.
He went to—
"Hiya, Master!"
He turned a corner and collided with Shaula, falling to the floor, even as she remained perfectly poised.
She leaned over and peered at him curiously. "Master's a bit clumsier than normal…"
He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck, groaning in pain. "I really need to watch where I'm going."
"Can't find anyone with your head down, yup."
As if on cue, his head shot up. "How did you know I was looking for someone?"
She shrugged. "Master had the same look in his eyes as when he can't find the salt, except way, way worse. Like, worse times a million!"
"Since when am I obsessed with seasonings?!"
She giggled and offered her hand to help him up, steadying him. "Master's always been weird, but I love him that way."
Before he could say it back, she danced away, humming a tune, as she went to do … whatever it is that she does with her free time.
It was only after she disappeared from sight that he realized that Cor Leonis hadn't detected her.
Giving himself a moment to breathe, he realized that there were perfectly valid reasons for why Cor Leonis would fail.
Possibility number one: his Witch Factors were gone.
Considering that Satella was free, and no one had mentioned an ongoing battle with the Witch Cult, that was quite likely.
As a test, he tried to use one of his other Authorities, yet he failed miserably.
Despite how useful they were, he didn't mind his Witch Factors being gone.
As for the other possibility—
He was interrupted before he could think about that. Meili was at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich. She looked up at him and smiled.
"Want some?" she asked by way of greeting, holding up her half-eaten sandwich.
"No, thank you," he said. He didn't have an appetite. "Meili, do you—"
He shut his mouth before he could ask if she'd heard of Emilia. Of course, she hadn't. If Satella wasn't able to overcome Gluttony's Authority, how could Meili? Hell, Subaru was only able to because of some "glitch" in the Od Laguna!
He took another deep breath to calm his racing heart. He'd already made Satella worry, and he'd nearly gotten Beatrice worked up. There was no need to stress Meili out, too.
He sat in the chair next to her, forcing down the urge to run and find Emilia. It was clear by now that she wasn't in the Tower. Mindlessly tearing through the halls wouldn't do anything. Even now, Satella was probably looking for him. He hoped that she'd come by the kitchen and find him here, where he was a lot calmer and actually planning his next move.
Meili poked his shoulder. "You're spacing out," she said. "Everything okay?"
Well, so much for not worrying her. "I'm exhausted," he admitted. It wasn't a lie. "Caelum wakes up every two hours."
Meili patted his arm comfortingly. "Try taking a nap," she suggested. "I'll probably do the same."
"What do you have to be tired for?" he asked, cringing inwardly as he realized how that could come off as rude.
Meili didn't notice. "Beatrice's constant mothering," she said drily. "She took one look at me, said that I hadn't eaten enough today, and, well…"
She cleared her throat and put on a scarily accurate impression of Beatrice. "If Betty's Meili doesn't eat this entire sandwich, then Betty will be very upset, in fact!"
She rolled her eyes, as Subaru stifled a laugh. "Beatrice is still not as bad as mom," Meili said, rolling her eyes. Subaru jolted a bit at that last word. "Remember when she sat right there—" Meili pointed at the chair opposite her. "—and wouldn't stop staring at me until I ate an entire plate of vegetables? She didn't even blink. Not once."
Subaru thought of the people in the Capital and how they'd react if he were to tell them that Satella—the Great Calamity, the Witch of Envy, and the most evil being in the universe—was primarily concerned with how well-fed her rebellious teenage daughter was.
"Julius would shit himself," he muttered.
"Huh?"
"Don't worry about it."
She shrugged her shoulders and went quiet for a moment. Then, she held out her sandwich again, cheekily asking, "Want some?"
"Nice try. You need to eat."
She pouted and took a bite so small that Subaru didn't think that she even ingested anything. "There. I ate."
Subaru frowned, but he didn't press. After years of living in the wild with nothing but mabeasts to keep her company, it was probably tough for her to adapt to an eating schedule, especially after her initial starvation wore off.
Seemingly reading his thoughts, she leaned over and hugged his side. "Thanks again, Dad," she said quietly. "For taking me in. I don't tell you guys that enough."
He sat there, stunned, having never expected such blatant affection from Meili of all people. Acting on instinct, he hugged her back, mumbling, "'Course. Anytime."
Before he could say anything else, she squirmed out of his grip, stretched her arms, and yawned. "Boy, I am tired," she said, closing one eye and hiding a grin. "I'm gonna go take that nap. Mind finishing my sandwich for me? There's a spell on it, so Beatrice will know if I just throw it out."
"Yeah, sure… Hey, wait a minute!"
But it was too late. Meili's carefree laugh echoed through the halls behind her.
"Cheeky brat," he grumbled, tossing the half-eaten sandwich on the table.
He sat there for a little bit, crafting various revenge plots, most of which amounted to "tell Beatrice and Satella."
And suddenly, he felt empty.
Simple moments like that shouldn't happen without Emilia.
He clenched his fists and stood up. He couldn't find her here. Tonight, he'd calmly explain everything to everyone here and make preparations to leave for the Capital. If they wanted to come, they could come, but he wouldn't force them into anything.
But Subaru refused to rest until Emilia was home safe.
He went to his room, found a bag that he could put clothes and supplies in, and started to pack. It wasn't long before Satella burst through the doorway, panting and leaning onto the wall.
"You… are a tough man to find… Subaru."
He gave a wry grin. "Everyone else found me. I almost thought you'd given up."
"I will never give up on you."
Her earnest expression and the sheer emotion behind those words made his heart fill with warmth. It was driven away the moment he noticed that her eyes were puffy from crying.
He stopped himself from packing another shirt and opened his arms, inviting her into an embrace. She mumbled something to herself that he didn't quite catch, as she melted into him.
"And I'll never give up on you, either," he said. "… You really don't know who Emilia is?"
Satella winced. He could now clearly hear what she was mumbling, and it made him feel terrible.
"He's not cheating… He's not cheating…"
She said it like a mantra, desperately clinging to it, though he could tell that she believed it less and less with every repetition.
"I love you," he said, as confidently as ever. "Believe me, I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I was pining over someone that wasn't you, I'd tell you about it."
"You're supposed to say that there's no one else, not that you'd inform me if there were…"
"… Shit."
She let out a choked sob and hugged him tighter, making sure that he wouldn't run away again. "You never were a smooth-talker."
"Guess not. Using the wrong name is a bit of a no-no."
Yet this was the third time that Subaru had done it.
The first time, he called Emilia "Ella" right after she had gone through multiple traumatic experiences in quick succession.
The second time, it was… also after she had been traumatized, that time even worse than the last.
Now, he had used the wrong name right before sex.
Good job, Subaru.
Satella gave him a withering glare, but it didn't have as strong of an effect due to her tears. "Marriages have ended because of less," she said, unknowingly echoing what he had said to Emilia.
The mere thought of them leaving him made his stomach knot. She must have been feeling ten times worse.
"Then why didn't you leave me?" he asked.
Before all of this, Satella had approved of Emilia. At first, it was obviously a low self-esteem thing, but, as Emilia matured and began to act more like Satella, she had seemed to actually accept Emilia as… herself, somewhat. To her, Subaru wasn't cheating because he was still with her, even if she weren't directly there.
But now? Satella knew none of that.
To her, Subaru had confessed his love to a stranger.
So, why is she still here? Why did she believe him? Why is she still in his arms?
She gripped his shirt in her fists. "I almost did leave," she admitted quietly. "I felt like years of marriage was nothing but a lie."
"It wasn't a lie," he almost said, but he kept his mouth shut.
"But I could tell that something was wrong," she whispered, "and I refuse to throw away what we have because of a few words, especially considering your amnesia. What if I am the same way? Perhaps… there really is someone that I forgot."
She looked away, as her eyes glistened with more tears. "However, if we discover the truth, and I deem that you have been unfaithful…"
Much to her surprise, his smile widened.
"Then you can kick me to the curb," he said. "I'm glad you're starting to value yourself more, Ella. You deserve way better than me."
She shook her head. "I just want my husband back. That is all."
They stayed there for a while, simply holding each other. Both of them knew that what came next would ruin the moment.
But something had to be said.
"Subaru…who is Emilia?"
Her words hurt him just as much as before, but he knew that she deserved a real answer.
What he said could break her, but he couldn't lie. He couldn't half-ass it. Both Emilia and Satella deserved better.
He spoke quickly, trying to rip off the bandage as fast as possible.
"She's everything to me. I love her so much, it hurts. From the moment I met her, I knew that I couldn't live without her. She saved my life. She is my life."
Her soft gasp and the hint of a sob were enough to nearly break him.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"She's you, Satella. You are Emilia."
She said nothing in response. He couldn't even hear her breathing.
"I don't understand," she said after an excruciating silence. "I am right here."
"You are, but… that's only half of you. The other half is somewhere else, suffering alone."
He reached out and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "You don't remember it, but your soul was split. I was still crazy in love with you, but… I also fell in love with your other half. It was actually you who convinced me to pursue her."
"I… I do not know what to say to that."
But she wasn't throwing him out. Perhaps she was too confused by his ridiculous explanation to be angry.
"Please, listen to me," he said gently. "You'll understand everything once you remember Emilia. But first, we need to find her."
Satella looked at the packed clothes behind him. "And leave your children behind?" she challenged, pushing past her confusion and sadness to make sure that Subaru understood the magnitude of what he was doing.
Subaru gave a harsh laugh. "Fuck no; I'm not doing that again. I'm just going to the Capital for some information gathering and to call in some favors—assuming I haven't cashed them in yet."
"The world owes you more than they could ever repay," Satella said firmly. "None would object to helping you find a missing person… who is also right in front of you, but is apparently also not here…"
She trailed off, her eyes unfocusing as she tried to piece together what she had heard. Subaru didn't blame her. He had also freaked out when he first found out.
He squeezed her shoulder, trying to convey his empathy. "I don't know what I did for the public this time around, but I'm glad that I'll get help. There's no way I'll be able to kill Gluttony on my own."
Just like that, everything changed.
One moment, they were two lovers, comforting each other before a momentary parting. The next, they balanced on the thinnest of threads before someone they had never met.
"Glu…ttony?"
Satella's lips formed that word like she was unfamiliar with saying it, yet she knew exactly who it was.
Subaru narrowed his eyes. Suddenly, this timeline seemed even bleaker. "Why are you saying it like that?"
"Why are you saying it like that?"
"Because this Gluttony isn't who you're thinking of!"
"I know exactly who you are speaking of, and I will not have you speak about her with such disdain!"
Subaru groaned and put his head in his hands. Just when things had finally started to settle…
"This can't be real… There's no fucking way that you would defend that monster!"
Pain exploded from the side of his face. He held his hand to his cheek, staring at Satella in shock.
"I won't apologize," she said stubbornly, though he could clearly see how terrible she felt. "I won't let anyonetalk about her that way—not even my husband."
Subaru's jaw dropped. "But—"
"If you remember her, yet you do not know why I love her, then I will happily remind you again."
Through the pain in her eyes, Subaru saw a fire of protectiveness. Her posture was tense, as if she were planning to fight him if need be.
The sheer lack of understanding and frustration was nearly enough to make Subaru scream. He realized that this was likely how Satella felt only minutes prior.
But siding with Louis Arneb? Unthinkable.
Before he could argue, the sound of a crash came from one of the upper floors of the Tower—the same sound that Satella had said not to worry about. A chill ran down Subaru's spine.
"She's here… isn't she?"
Satella's eyes widened. She backed towards the doorway, blocking it. "Don't you dare," she warned. "You're confused, Subaru!"
"Move aside, Satella," he said coolly. She winced at his quiet tone, almost preferring that he'd go back to screaming. "I just. Want. To talk."
"I won't let you hurt my daughter!"
The sheer absurdity of those words was the tip of the iceberg. Subaru pushed past Satella and broke out into a sprint, running towards the noise. Another crash echoed through the halls, so he pivoted, going down a different corridor.
It was only much, much later that he realized that he had outpaced Satella.
Within minutes, he found himself outside a familiar room, panting heavily. He clenched his fists, as he looked at the closed door. Fire pumped through his veins, but his voice came out flat.
"You replaced her."
"Subaru!" he heard Satella shout from behind him, but his fury drowned it out.
"You replaced her! How could you replace her!"
Satella tackled him from behind, knocking him to the floor. "Come to your senses!" she shouted into his ear. "You don't know what you're doing!"
He knew exactly what he was doing, and she was the crazy one; he just wanted the woman that he loved to come back. He struggled against her grip, as she held him to the floor. He poured all of his passion into his words, declaring what he knewto be true, what Satella could not know by the very nature of the Authority of Gluttony.
Satella's reality had been changed. She was a victim. Subaru was the only one who knew the truth.
He was the only one who remembered Emilia, both in the last timeline and this one. He had been the only one to remember Rem and Julius and Joshua and countless others.
And now, he was the only one who could lead the crusade against Gluttony.
Powered by adrenaline, Subaru flipped them over, holding Satella in place.
"Listen. To. Me."
She refused. "Don't hurt her!" she cried again.
"I can't. I'm not strong enough… but you are."
Her eyes widened, as what he planned dawned on her. "No… Subaru, this isn't you!"
"I'm saving you, Satella. I'm saving all of us from Louis."
And suddenly, the world stopped once more.
Mere minutes ago, the atmosphere had shifted from bittersweet to desperation. With a single word, they changed again, this time to confusion—absurdity, even.
Satella laughed.
It wasn't happy. It wasn't quite relief, either. She was still worried. She still didn't know why her Subaru was so angry.
But at least she wasn't living a nightmare anymore.
She let her head fall back to rest on the stone floor. "I have no idea who Louis is," she said, winded from their quarrel. She closed her eyes, letting herself relax.
Now, it was Subaru's turn to realize that this world was absurd, that nothing made sense, and that everything he knew might be complete bullshit.
"But… Gluttony… and names… and you know her—what the actual fuck is going on?"
Satella laid a hand on his cheek with none of the aggression that she had displayed previously.
No, not aggression. It truly had been protectiveness.
It wasn't based on a lie, either.
Her thumb brushed against his skin, wiping away tears that he hadn't realized he'd been shedding this entire time. She smiled at him with the sweetness of one that wanted nothing more than to share a moment of peace with her loved ones.
She didn't say anything more. She waited for a moment.
The door opened on its own.
Hesitantly, Subaru slowly looked up, and his jaw dropped.
The first thing that he thought was "Beautiful."
Not out of attraction. Not even because of the woman's physical features.
She was beautiful because she existed in the first place. Because she was here with them.
Because she had grown up.
Golden eyes blinked at Subaru and Satella owlishly, as she took in their tangled figures. She broke out in a wide, dopey smile.
"I like hugs, too!"
She fell to the floor and gathered both Subaru and Satella in her arms, not able to reach all the way around, but she didn't force her arms to go further, as she knew perfectly well that they liked hugs just as much as her, so they would meet her halfway.
Laughing heartily but still a bit out of breath, Satella hugged the woman back. She caught Subaru's eye, giving him a challenging look that said, "What are you waiting for?"
Stunned, Subaru found himself hugging back, feeling a strange yet familiar tingle where their skin connected, like there was supposed to be something that affected him, but the woman had learned to keep it at bay.
Ashen gray hair tickled his cheek before the woman pulled back with a satisfied smile. Without warning, she dove in again, craving more despite having her fill. She squeezed tighter but not roughly, dragging out the embrace as long as she could.
Satella didn't say anything, clearly used to it. She indulged the woman, hugging back greedily.
Subaru was too dumbfounded to do anything but the same.
Satella's voice, strained from the conflict and the emotional rollercoaster, spoke the words that both of them were feeling—words that Subaru hadn't spoken for so long, that he'd wanted to say ever since he had gotten his memories back, that he had lost the chance to say as soon as he had regained the will to say it.
"We love you, Daphne."
Subaru shook violently at those words. It became worse as she responded, utterly oblivious to everything that had happened before she had left her room—or perhaps she knew, but she didn't care, since she had everything that she could ever possibly want from life and nothing could ever bother her.
"You too, Mom, Dad."
At that, a part of Subaru that he had so haphazardly pieced together… broke once more.
Laying there, hugging his daughter who had been allowed to grow up, who still loved him despite everything that he had done, in a world where he hadn't hurt them so terribly…
It was the greatest torture of his life.
But he couldn't scream. He couldn't cry. He was selfish.
He kept her in his embrace, never wanting to let go. How could he, after he had just gotten her back?
"Gotta live with th'consequences, aye?"
After taking a deep breath, Subaru loosened his arms. Picking up on the cue, Daphne broke the embrace and stood up, stretching her arms.
"I'm reeeaaally full," she said, and Subaru knew that she wasn't talking about her stomach. "I'm gonna go see what Mei-Mei's up to. Ooh, and Sha-Sha! And Betty's here, too!"
"They're always here," Satella said, amused.
"That's why it's so great!"
Daphne half-skipped, half-danced away, humming a tune that had no rhyme or reason to it. Subaru listened until it faded away, feeling a keen sense of loss when he could not hear it anymore.
He looked up at the open door. Nothing was inside the room. No furniture, no structures, nothing. There was a massive chunk of the ceiling that had been removed and the floor under it was rough, indicating that a pillar should be there.
Subaru couldn't see anymore. Everything was too blurry.
He understood what was happening now—for real this time.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth to speak. It took several tries.
"How old am I?"
The question caught Satella off guard. "I'm surprised you didn't ask earlier," she said with the same silly grin as the other woman's.
The same amazing, beautiful, perfect, infectious smile that Daphne had given them moments ago.
"I have absolutely no idea what our age is," Satella said airily, "though it has to be at least four hundred."
Four hundred years.
"I'm…"
"An old man," she teased. "Should I blame your confusion on your, ah, 'advanced age'?"
He pulled back and looked at her amethyst eyes, shining with relief and affection. He couldn't help but give her a soft kiss—his first with her, the whole her, in centuries.
It was bittersweet, both physically and metaphorically. It was everything that he had dreamed of and more.
But it also wasn't real.
After everything, it seemed that his original assumption was right. This wasn't amnesia or other Gluttony-related shenanigans.
This was the Second Trial.
He selfishly kissed Satella again, reveling in the familiar motions where her fingers threaded themselves through his hair and where his hand slipped up the back of her shirt to massage her smooth, warm skin. It was only when he needed to breathe that he reluctantly pulled back.
"I love you."
"And I—mmph!"
He interrupted her confession with another kiss, as he was wont to do. He'd never tire of that.
She tore away from him, gasping for air, as she gave him a half-hearted glare. "I. Love. You." She jabbed his chest with every word. "There. You didn't let me finish."
He laughed again, but it was also strained, for there was no greater torture than this perfect world.
He grabbed Satella's hand and intertwined their fingers, standing up with her. "Do you ever feel empty?" he asked, point-blank.
"No," she said, unperturbed.
"Do you ever feel like there's half of you somewhere out there? Someone who's supposed to be part of you?"
She gently poked his forehead with her index finger. "You don't listen, you dummy," she said fondly. "I'm me. You're you. There's all there is to it."
He may have fallen in love with each of them on their own, but seeing them as one, complete person…
It was amazing.
From the start, Subaru had two goals: save Satella and make Emilia queen. They conflicted with each other due to Satella's public image, but he had known that he'd find a way around it, even if he hadn't been sure what it was.
Now, he knew what to do.
The split could be undone. They could be merged without hurting either of them.
No deaths. No replacement. No Ordeal. Not even two souls fighting for dominance.
If everything went perfectly, he could save them both.
Was it nigh-impossible, requiring extreme circumstances that would likely never happen? Yes.
Was he greedy as hell for craving this? Yes.
Would he find a way to do it anyway? Without a doubt.
Subaru Natsuki didn't accept endings that were anything less than perfect.
"You understand now," Satella said, reading his myriad expressions.
"I do," he said, though he knew that they weren't talking about the exact same thing.
"Do you remember everything?"
He averted his eyes and didn't directly answer.
"We were in Echidna's mansion," he said as if he were merely recounting a tale. "Not long after Beatrice was created, we escaped—all three of us."
That small change made all the difference.
"It wasn't easy for you," Satella said, giving him a look of admiration. "Beatrice and I were—are—quite stubborn. But you saved us."
Subaru choked down a sob. That was it. That's all that it would have taken.
If he hadn't been so selfish—if he hadn't convinced Satella to escape alone—her soul wouldn't have split. She wouldn't have fallen ill. Beatrice wouldn't have been left alone. They would have still come across Daphne—and Shaula, by extension. They would have still saved Geuse. Centuries later, they would have saved Meili, who had been abandoned by her birth parents to fend for herself amongst the mabeasts.
Subaru would have had a child—multiple, now that he was remembering how Satella had phrased it when she had introduced him to Caelum.
"You always look like that," she had said.
The most significant change, however, was the fact that there hadn't been a Great Calamity.
Subaru hadn't killed the Witches. Satella hadn't been corrupted.
He hadn't died and been reborn. They had lived happily for centuries.
This was all possible because Subaru had made a single change. A decision that he had regretted for a lifetime had been even more impactful than he had originally assumed.
He talked about "making things right," but how could he? How could he undo what had already been done?
The fact is, he couldn't.
But as he held Satella in his arms, he reminded himself that there were still some things that he could do.
He squeezed her arms and stood up. She got up with him, but she didn't let go. She simply held him close, content with the fact that he was still her Subaru—that this really had all been a terrible, horrible nightmare and that her husband had finally returned. She smiled at him, knowing that she was truly the only one.
Subaru wanted to feel as satisfied as her. He wanted to stay—to fully live out his life here. He could be happy. Everything could be perfect.
"Gotta live with th'consequences, aye?"
It'd be easy to stay here. It'd be easy to run away. It'd be easy to succumb to this lie.
But it wasn't right.
"I have something to do," he said. Satella frowned in response, so he assured her, "It's not in the Capital. It's here. I'll see you within an hour or so."
It wasn't a lie. He'd be seeing Emilia very, very soon.
Satella bit her lip, feeling a bit wary from his statement. "Can we at least have dinner first?" she asked. "All of us. As a family."
Subaru looked unsure. Wouldn't that be accepting this false reality?
"These last few days have been rough," Satella said softly. "For both of us. Don't you think that you deserve a break?"
Subaru sure as hell didn't deserve one. He wouldn't rest until everyone else had gotten their happy ending.
Noticing his dilemma, Satella did something so cruel, so utterly manipulative, he had no choice but to accept her request.
She gave him puppy dog eyes.
"Please?" she asked quietly, her lips barely moving from their pout.
"Gah! All right, all right, fine!"
Satella broke out in a victorious grin. She twirled away from him, telling him to relax and that she'd handle cooking "as long as you clean up."
Thoughts of her explosive cooking crept up, but he realized that she had probably gotten better after centuries of practice.
Probably.
Hopefully.
…
Fuck.
He should probably keep an eye on her.
Not even four hundred years of experience could improve Satella's cooking.
"It's okay! Everything is okay! All we need is a little water magic, and—a little help, please?! Everything is on fire!"
"I think those steamed tatoes are a little too steamed," Meili muttered.
All of them sat around the kitchen table, warily watching the ongoing calamity that was Chef Satella. It was basically a daily occurrence, so they weren't freaking out, but they still prepared themselves for disaster.
The air in front of them subtly shimmered. It seemed that Beatrice had put up a shield.
A great splash announced the end of the danger, as Satella put out the fire. In her panic, she had soaked the entire kitchen, including herself. Beatrice and the others were safe behind the shield, however.
Satella turned around with a shaky smile and held up a plate full of charcoal. "Um… bone apple tea?"
"It's 'bon appetite'," Subaru said drily. She had probably picked up that term from him.
Daphne gave a fanged grin, as she looked at the meal greedily. She tore her eyes away from it to look around the table. "Anyone else gonna eat this?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
Shaula, who had remained quiet up until that point, nudged the plate towards Daphne with a grimace.
No one saw her move, but one moment the plate was there, and the next it was gone—both the "food" and the plate itself. Daphne leaned back and rubbed her belly, as Satella crossed her arms with a smug grin.
"At least someone here appreciates my cooking."
Beatrice rolled her eyes. "You're hopeless, I suppose." She stood up, held her hands in front of her, and made a show of cracking her knuckles. "Betty will show you how it's done, in fact."
"Nuh uh, no way," Subaru said, also standing up. "I'm not gonna make a little kid cook when I can do it just fine."
"Betty is not a little kid, I suppose!"
"If you don't sit down, I'll give you a head pat," Subaru said solemnly.
"That is not—"
"An aggressively loving, very embarrassing head pat that will make you squeal in protest."
Beatrice sat down with a huff and a point, ignoring how Meili snickered at her plight.
"Where's my head pat?" Shaula whined. She received a poke to the cheek instead, much to her consternation.
Subaru made a show of putting his hands on Daphne's shoulders. "This one, however, gets a hug," he said, doing exactly that, "because she was the only one kind enough to eat mom's food."
"She'll eat anything, I suppose!" Beatrice protested, glaring enviously at Daphne. "Where is Betty's hug, I wonder?"
"I thought you didn't want one?"
"A hug is better than a head pat, I suppose! Head pats mess up Betty's cute hair, but hugs are warm and fuzzy!"
Silence fell over them.
"… Th-That is—what Betty meant to say was—"
Subaru, weak as ever to Beatrice's accidental adorableness, made his way around the table… but he was beaten to it by Meili, who latched onto Beatrice and refused to let go.
"Ahhh, this isn't fair! Why are you so cute?!"
"Do not manhandle Betty, I suppose!"
The entire time, Satella stood to the side, watching them with a peaceful smile. They may be chaotic and strange, but this was everything that she could ever ask for and more.
Satella walked over to Shaula and wrapped her arms around her, leaning down to properly embrace her. She smiled as she felt Shaula lay a hand on her arm, squeezing it gently. Shaula may be quite vocal with her affection, but it was the quiet moments that Satella appreciated most.
Her introspection was interrupted as Subaru shoved a bowl of… something in front of her. It was thick, gooey, white, and smelled like eggs.
The table let out a collective, "Um…"
"It's mayo," Subaru said proudly, striking a pose with his fists on his waist. "A true delicacy enjoyed by kings and peasants alike."
"That seems like an exaggeration…"
As expected, Daphne led the charge, swallowing her entire bowl of mayo. It was unclear if she thought that the meal was the glass bowl or what it contained. As such, she wasn't exactly a reliable source to determine how it tasted.
Not to be left out, Shaula barreled onward, downing most of the mayo in one go—leaving behind the bowl itself, of course. Her eyes widened, and she placed her hand over her heart, breathing heavily.
"Master is the greatest cook in the world, yup! No one is more awesome than Master, nope!"
Shaula was as unreliable as her mother, it seemed.
Beatrice was next. She picked up a spoon, took just a little bit, and hesitantly brought it to her lips. Squeezing her eyes shut and taking a leap of faith, she shoved the mayo in her mouth.
Her eyes shot open, as she gasped.
"This is incredible, in fact!"
Subaru cried mock tears, falling to his knees and clasping his hands in prayer.
"Finally, a kindred soul…"
Meili rolled her eyes at his shenanigans, expecting nothing less from him. She leaned over and stuck her spoon in Beatrice's bowl, taking an even smaller bite. She swirled it around her mouth for a moment before nodding in approval. "It would taste good with steamed tatoes," she said. "Where did you learn how to make this?"
Satella raised her eyebrows at him. He stood up and stretched, rubbing his kneecaps after his impromptu assault on them.
"I figured it out," he admitted. "My parents always bought it instead of making it, so it was a lot of trial and error."
"Your… parents?" The soft words came from Satella, who gave him a look of both concern and surprise. "But… I thought that you never knew your parents."
Subaru grimaced, as he realized his error. This wasn't like the real world, where he had died and been reborn in a reality with living parents. This was the same timeline as his last life, where he had grown up homeless. It was a bit confusing, especially since this life had apparently extended into modern times. That entire explanation was confusing, but one look at an adult Daphne was enough to set him straight.
Subaru's face fell, but he tried his best to hide it.
It was time to say goodbye, wasn't it?
"I love all of you."
His sudden words got the attention of everyone at the table, many of whom had different reactions.
Shaula was the easiest to predict. "And I love Master, yup!"
Daphne shrugged him off and began nibbling on her chair. He knew how she felt, so she'd only say it when she really felt like it.
Beatrice averted her eyes. "Betty loves her father, too," she mumbled, blushing, "but I do not understand why you're saying it so suddenly, I suppose."
Meili, somehow the most perceptive of the bunch, despite being the least adjusted, picked up on his mood swing. She slid out of her chair and walked around the table, placing herself between Subaru and Satella.
In the real world, Meili was so malnourished that she barely came up to his stomach. Now, she reached his shoulders.
"What's wrong?" she asked quietly. "I'm not as good at this kind of stuff as Mom is, but if there's anything that I can do to help—"
"You saying that has helped me more than you could possibly imagine."
She frowned and stood on the tips of her toes, searching his eyes. Finding what she was looking for, she fell back on her heels and nodded slowly.
"If you're sure, dad… but if there's anything else—"
His abrupt, blinding smile let her know that somehow, she had made it all better.
He crushed her in a hug, whispering in her ear, "Thank you for giving me hope."
After a lingering moment, he pulled away, meeting the concerned gazes of Beatrice and Satella. "I'm fine," he said. This time, he truly meant it. "Actually, I'm feeling better than I have in a while."
For most, this was the Trial of the Present, but Subaru Natsuki was a determined son of a bitch. He'd make this his future.
Unbidden, his eyes drifted over to Daphne.
"Gotta live with th'consequences, aye?"
The girl that he had raised was gone. Even though there was still a version of her in the Castle of Dreams, it wasn't his daughter. Not really.
But Subaru was living proof that death was not the end of the soul.
"I'll save you, too."
Daphne looked up at him and tilted her head, but she didn't say anything. Those golden eyes were too busy analyzing him exactly as Meili had.
"… Okay, dad."
No questions as to what he meant. Just unconditional trust.
Subaru looked off into the distance where he knew that Caelum—a boy that could have been his son—was sleeping.
He couldn't save someone that didn't exist.
His heart ached and twisted at the thought, but it was true. There was no Caelum. There never had been, and there would never be one.
Even so:
"I love you."
It was in Subaru's nature to love, and his heart opened up very quickly.
It also broke twice as fast.
He wiped at his eyes, but he put on a smile. "Hey, Ella?"
"Yes, Subaru?" she asked, trying to hide the slight waver in her voice.
"Can you please come with me? There's something that I need to do."
She nodded slowly. She turned to those that still sat at the table.
"I expect this kitchen to be nice and clean when I come back," she said with the kind of commanding tone that only years of motherhood could create.
Shaula eyed the burnt counter with trepidation. "I'm not sure how to clean that, nope."
"I will get that part. Just do the usual, okay?"
Shaula pouted, but she complied, soon followed by a grumpy Beatrice. Meili tried to sneak away, but she stopped when Satella gave her the stink eye.
Daphne "cleaned" by eating all of the dirty dishes. Go figure.
Subaru smiled fondly. "I'll see you soon," he said to the room at large. He left the room, Satella close at his heels.
Neither said anything.
It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. If anything, Subaru felt at peace, whereas Satella wasn't sure what question to start with. She was even more confused when they exited the Tower.
He led her around to the side, stopping at a nondescript location. Subaru smiled sadly.
"This was the place," he said so quietly, Satella had to strain her sensitive ears to hear him. "Seeing it empty is just… Fuck, it hurts."
She laid a comforting hand on his back, unable to provide a proper response. What did one say to their husband while he stared at a blank wall and mourned?
A minute later, he reached for her hand, gently tugging her out into the desert.
"Where are we going?" she asked, worried that he had relapsed into that confused state from earlier.
He paused. "I don't know if it's even there," he said, much to her confusion, "but it just seems right, doesn't it?"
Satella had no idea what was going on.
She let herself be dragged by the hand until they came to a place that had most certainly not been there before. It was an entrance of sorts, leading down to a sand tunnel that was held up by magic.
"Huh. It's completely identical, but there's no miasma. That's convenient." He beamed at Satella. "I can't wait to see you again."
"But I am right here."
Subaru's smile never wavered. "And I'll save you, too."
Satella didn't understand, yet she couldn't help but trust him. For the first time in days, he looked like the Subaru that she had married: a man who knew what he wanted and how to get it.
A man who protected his family above all else.
"I'll be gone for a bit," he said, causing her stomach to sink, "but I swear, by the end of my journey, I'll do this again."
With that, he kissed her, smiling as she eagerly reciprocated. It was with no small amount of effort that they parted.
A moment later, he was gone, disappearing into the depths of the unknown.
But this time, he wasn't leaving anyone behind.
He was walking right towards them.
