The Reason Why – Part VI

Derek's mind was racing how could she do that? She knew how he felt about people in Seattle knowing. He slowed as he reached the lake and bent at the waste with his hands on his knees while he tried to get his breathing back under control. Doc nudged a stick with his nose in his direction. He reached out and scratched Doc on the head okay boy I know you want to play. He picked up the stick and threw as far as he could. Doc happily raced after it. The scruffy dog retrieved the stick and raced back to him and dropped it at his feet. Derek picked the stick up again, he put his hands on his hips and started to pace. Doc followed him as he pace, he kept trying to snatch the stick out of his hand but every time he got close to getting it back he would raise it out of reach. Derek was oblivious of what he was doing.

"You understand why I'm upset, don't you Doc?" he said in frustration.

Doc sat in front of master staring up at the stick hoping he would throw it again, but for some reason he wasn't doing what he was suppose. Doc liked it much better when his other master took him for walks she never forgot to let go of the stick.

"I mean seriously," he started to pace back and forth again.

Doc cocked his head and looked at his master okay I'm all up for trying fun new games but seriously walking back and forth back and forth back and forth. I really don't see the point. Doc walked in front of him master laid down and rolled on him back.

"I really don't think I'm being. . ." He tripped and fell to the ground. "What the hell. . ." He sat up and looked at the dog lying under his legs. "God Doc I don't know if I can deal with this." He let himself fall back on the ground and he stared up at the night sky.

Doc crawled out from under his master's legs walked up to his head and began to lick his face come on buddy throw the stick. Doc decided to give up on his master throwing the stick, he lay down next to his master and rested his head on his master's shoulder.

Derek reached over and scratched Doc's head, he struggled to clear his mind, he didn't want to be mad at Addie but he couldn't help himself. He closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down, he willed himself to forget. Maybe a miracle will happen and Meredith and Izzie will keep there mouths shut.

Doc gave a puzzled look at his master I sure hope he doesn't plan on us sleeping out here, Doc sighed I still want my night time snack. My other master always gives me a snack when I come back from my night time run and no offence buddy I'd rather sleep by my other master.

Derek arrived back at the trailer an hour later. He wasn't quite ready to deal with Addie yet he hoped she went to sleep so he would have more time to think. He quietly opened the door to the trailer, only the light over the stove was on.

Doc bounded for the bed he stretched out and rested his head on his front paws, he looked up at Derek with sad eyes.

Derek look toward the bed but Addie wasn't there. A knot formed in his stomach when he saw she wasn't there. He went back to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer and took a seat at the kitchen table.

He looked down at the table and saw a note:

D,

Went out for awhile don't worry. On second thought worry

a little. I hope you know that I love you and would never

purposely hurt you again. I'm sorry. I honestly did not mean for Meredith and Izzie to find out about Aidan and Danica. I know how you feel about letting people here know and I respect your feelings. Please forgive me.

Love,

A

Derek finished reading the note, deep down he knew Addie didn't mean to hurt him and he knew he was being a jerk. He only hoped she wouldn't come home too late, he wanted to be able to apologize to her tonight.

Doc hoped his other master would come home soon too because he really did want his snack.

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Addie sat back in the chair and she took a sip of her of her wine, mmm she thought Shiraz, it was her favorite wine. Addie had just spent the better part of the last hour filling Miranda in on the events of her day since their lunch.

"Tell me you are kidding, please tell me that Grey and Stevens don't really know, you are playing a joke on me right?" Miranda shook her head. "I've never seen interns with such big mouths before in my life"

"Gee thanks Randi I feel much better. I'm so happy I ran over here so you could give me such a wonderful pep talk," Addie gave her a crooked grin.

"Uh huh you know me, I always aim to please," she smiled back. "In all honesty I really think in this case Grey and Stevens will keep quiet." She reached over and took Addie's hand. "So he was really that upset."

"Yeah I was expecting him to be upset though, so it's okay. I just hope he has time to cool off and realized I did mean for them to find out," she let out a sigh and took another sip of her wine.

"Please tell me you waited until after dessert to tell him," she grinned at her friend.

"Randi what kind of girl do you think I am," she said in mock offence.

"Ah so you did wait until after dessert," she laughed.

"You better believe it," she smirked.

Both women laughed.

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An hour later Addie walked through the trailer door, Doc greeted her as she entered. She crouched down to give him a hug. "Hey there Doc I'm happy to see you too." She walked over to the cabinet opened the door, reached in and pulled out Doc's treat box; she pulled one out and tossed it over her shoulder. Doc caught the treat and munched away; sitting at Addie's feet wagging his tail. The door to the bathroom opened and Derek walked out. Addie looked at him nervously not sure if he was still mad. As soon as he realized she was home a smile grew on his face. He crossed the trailer to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk I shouldn't have been so upset with you." The words rushed out. "I know you didn't mean for them to find out," he took her chin in his hand and leaned in too give her a kiss. "Honest I'm not mad anymore."

He kissed her again; this time with more feeling, then took her hand and lead her to their bed.

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Addison sat on the locker room floor, she was leaning against the lockers with her head in her hands. "Damn it why did this have to happen now things have been going so great." She grimaced as she thought about how happy she and Derek had been for the last month, they were so close being the old Derek and Addie, how could this happen now.

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Addison sat in Richard Webber's office she had to clear her plans with the chief before she could do anything. "I need to go back to New York."

Richard interrupted her, "What! You can't you are under contract, why on earth do you want to go back to New York. I thought things were better with you and Derek." He scowled. "I'm going to get that boy in here right now and we will fix whatever is wrong."

Addison tried desperately to interrupt him but he wouldn't let her get a word in. Finally she shouted, "Richard relax you didn't let me finish! I only want to go for the weekend."

"Just for the weekend?" he asked relief flooded his face.

She nodded, "I have my flight information I leave Thursday evening and return Monday morning."

"Why the sudden trip?" he asked with concern.

Addison pursed her lips and looked Richard in the eye. Did she really need to remind him?

"Oh right I'm sorry Addie I remember," his face softened. "Does Derek need the time off too?" he gently asked.

"No," her eyes dropped to her hands she fiddled with the bottom button of her shirt. "He won't be joining me," she said quietly.

"Addie," he said sternly. "Don't you think he should be doing this with you?" He leaned back in his chair and steeple his fingers in front of him. His face softened again. "I thought you two were dealing with this. I thought he was finally starting to open up."

She gave him a weak smile, "No he still refuses to talk with me but he finally has accepted the fact that I need to talk about it and is finally okay with people here knowing what happened. I think the fact that Meredith and Izzie never told anyone but me what they knew helped him accept it."

"Do you want me to try to talk to him again?" he smiled sympathetically at her. It was hard for Richard to see his friends in so much pain. It was hard seeing Addie and Derek struggling so hard to move on.

"Well," she began. "You are welcome to try but I doubt it will do any good." She put her head back and rubbed her eyes. "I don't know what to do. We are so close, so close to getting what we had back but it's still so fragile." She stopped and tried to maintain her composure, it wasn't working a tear escaped her eye and she wiped it away. "I'm so afraid Derek is going to retreat again, especially when I tell him," her tears started to flow faster. She didn't want to think of how Derek would react when she told him what she discovered that morning. This was going to make or break them.

"Tell him what Addie?" he prompted when it became apparent she wasn't going to continue.

Addie dried her tears one more time and managed to finally stop the flow of tears. "Nothing its not important right now." She gave him a tight smile. "So you are okay with my going away for the weekend?" she smiled weakly.

"Absolutely Addie." With that the chief rose from his desk walked around and gave her a hug. "You take care of yourself while you are in New York you hear me?"

Addie quickly nodded.

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Addie and Derek stood in front of the airport. Derek had his arms tightly around his wife and held her head close to his chest. Addie said into his chest, "I just wish you would come with me. We both should be going." She felt the warm tears starting to fall down her cheeks again she was scared to death that with him not coming not doing this with her, that they would fall apart when she could no longer keep her secret. She needed him to do this with her but she couldn't push him into coming with her.

Derek cradled her chin in his hand and turned her face up to him. He saw the pain in her face. He knew it was killing her, him not to join her not to go with and be there for her to support her. But he just couldn't do it he wouldn't do it. He bent down and gently pressed his lips to hers. The kiss started to slowly build he could taste her tears as the kiss went on. It wasn't until they parted he realized his tears were mingled with hers.

"I loved you Addie," he brushed some tears away with his thumb.

"I love you too Derek," she reached up and brushed his tears away with her thumb. She brought her thumb to her lips, kissed it then gently caressed his lips with her thumb.

"Call me when you land," he choked out.

"I will," she pulled away and headed into the airport.

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"I can't believe he didn't go with her," Izzie shook her head. "Seriously how could he let her do this alone?"

"Honestly I don't know," a determined look crossed Meredith's face. "But I am going to talk to him. Maybe Addie was right maybe some how I can get him to open up and get him to go after her."

"Seriously?" Izzie stared open mouthed.

"Seriously," Meredith said with a nod.

A big smile grew on Izzie's face she grabbed Meredith into a hug, "I'm so proud of you" she exclaimed.

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If you had told Meredith a month ago she would be trying to save Derek and Addie's marriage she would have told you, you were insane. She never wanted to be the one who caused it to fall apart again. But a month ago she wouldn't have been complaining if it did. But now she knew. This last month she had seen glimpses of just how perfect Derek and Addie were together and she was going to do everything in her power to make sure they made it back to 100 percent.

Meredith knew Derek was in his office. She gently knocked on his door and heard him indicate that she could enter.

The back of his chair was facing the door and he was leaning back in his chair staring out at the Seattle skyline.

Derek saw Meredith enter his line of sight.

She walked up and stood before the windows taking in the expansive view.

"Did you need something Meredith?" he asked in a far away voice.

"Yeah I need you to stop being such an asshole," she replied.

"Oh nice language Meredith," he said with irritation and pursed his lips. "Now tell me what you really want?"

"I already told you," she simply stated.

When he didn't say anything she quickly turned and faced him and asked, "Don't you think you punished her enough?"

"Punished her? What the hell are you talking about? I forgave Addison a longtime ago for the affair," he said angrily.

"Oh my god you really are dense you don't get it!" She exclaimed.

"Get what?" he looked puzzled.

Meredith closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Derek you idiot Addison thinks you blame her!" she said with frustration.

"Blame her . . . for the affair?" He seemed even more confused.

Meredith smacked Derek upside the head. "Seriously are you brain damaged? I already told you I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GOD DAMN AFFAIR!" She threw her hands up in the air out of frustration.

"You're not? Then what the hell are you talking about?" Then it hit him, it hit him hard, he felt like a ton of brick had fallen on him. No she can't possibly think that. Can she? He shot out of his chair grabbed Meredith by her shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Thank you." And with that he was out of the room.

Meredith stood leaning against the window, she could feel the cold glass on her forehead, "Did that really just work?"

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Addison sat on the stone bench; she gripped the edge tightly with her hands. She couldn't believe it had been two years, how could that much time have passed. How could her son and daughter been gone for two years. She bit her lower lip trying to keep her tears at bay. "I know it's been a while since I visited but I was on the other side of the country. I know both of you would have loved it in Seattle. You would have loved chasing Doc around the big yard." She let the tears flow now "Daddy sends his love." Just then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Daddy can tell them he loves them himself." Addie's eye opened wide in surprise as she heard her husband's voice.

Derek sat down next to her on the bench then gathered her in his arms and pulled her on to his lap. He held her close and stroked her hair as she cried.

"I was wrong to not allow you to talk about Aidan and Danica. It was wrong of me because not talking about them is like wishing they never existed and I would rather have seven years with Aidan and four hours with Danica, then to have never have known them at all," he kissed the top of her head again.

"I swear to god Addie I never blamed you for what happened, not for one second," he kissed her temple. He lifted her chin so she could look him in the eye. "I swear Addie I never ever did, I don't know why on earth you would think I would blame you for one second but I swear I never did, never."

"But it was my fault," she cried and buried her face in his chest.

"What on earth would make you think it was your fault, it was an accident. There was no way on this earth that it was your fault, so why on earth would you think that?" he pleaded with her.

"You didn't want him to play baseball. I signed him up even though I knew you didn't want him to play," she sobbed.

"Addie," he hugged her tighter. "Aidan wanted to play he loved baseball. Hell he knew every stat of every player on the Yankees that year. There was no way he wasn't going to play. I was being an ass when I said I didn't want him to play. Do you know why I didn't want him to play?" She shook her head in his chest. "I didn't want him to play because I didn't want to have to go to all those dumb games. I really hate baseball. My reasons for not wanting him to play were selfish and I was wrong. No one could have ever foreseen that accident happening. The odds Addie," he hugged her tighter and kissed her gently on her temple. "It wasn't your fault you believe me? Please tell me you believe me." She nodded her head into his chest.

"But Danica she was my fault," she whispered.

Derek shook his head. "No, no Danica wasn't your fault, you know as well as I do. Don't you dare blame yourself for Danica's death."He lifted her face so she was facing him again. "Tell me you know," he whispered.

"I know," she whispered back.

"Addie we had a beautiful family and it was taken away because of a tragic accident. There was nothing any one could have done. It was an accident. There is absolutely nothing I would have changed in the way we raised our kids, nothing," he took a deep breath. "If we were to have another child, I would want to do everything exactly the same. Hell if that child loved baseball and really wanted to play, I would let him or her play and I would be happy to go to every damn one of those stupid games."

Derek caressed Addie cheek then gave her a soft kiss. "I love you Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, I love you, I love you with all my heart and soul and I can only hope that one day we would be blessed with another child."

Addison's heart melted she loved him so much. "I love you too Derek. I love you so much. I love you with my heart and soul," she reached up and stroked his cheek and kissed him.

She then pulled away and stared up in his eyes, "Derek?"

"Yes baby?" he smiled and kissed her temple again.

"Did you really mean it?" she could see him purse his lips in frustration. She didn't think he understood her question. "Did you really mean it when you said you wanted another child?"

Derek's eyes softened and a smile spread across his face. "There isn't a better gift in this world that you could give me."

Addie snuggled into his chest. "You have no idea what a relief that is to me and how happy that makes me." She smiled into his chest that is when she knew Derek and she were going to be ok.

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