Thanks a bundle of turquoise owls to cookiemunster and FuchsiaII for reviewing so far.
They emerged in the car park, and Howard immediately spotted what he assumed to be Tara's van. Not only had he never seen it before, it was quite definitely unmistakeable. It was a Volkswagen camper, and seemed to have originally been blue, but many many signs, symbols and pictures had been painted on it that this was now hard to discern.
There were psychedelic waves of colour, accompanied by flowers and stars. There were pictures commemorating where the van (an its occupant) had visited, including Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, Lands End, The Bristol Suspension bridge, and what Howard assumed to be it's most recent addition, Nessie.
Also, there were pictures paying homage to bands and television shows – the Sex Pistols 'God save the Queen' emblem was there, along with a yellow submarine, a silhouette of a man being struck by lightning, and the infamous Monty Python foot, among others.
Wow was pretty much all Howard could say. So he said it. 'Wow!'
Tara smiled. 'Like it?'
'It's…. crazy'
'Thank you'
Vince, who had been examining the van closely, said simply 'You've got rid of Spiny Norman. And Seth.'
'Nah, I just moved em. Over here.' She said, indicating the other side of the van, where a hedgehog and a psychedelic snail wearing a top hat and sunglasses were located.
'Oh yeah.' Vince smiled. 'S'my favourite.' He said, pointing to the snail before climbing in the front. Tara opened the side door and indicated for Howard to go inside.
'Wow' was once again the word of choice. Every available space was covered – with postcards, posters, sketches, photos, and mini murals. However, aside from the cluttered and ceiling, the rest of the interior was very tidy, so Howard sat down on a small sofa, which presumably pulled out to a bed, and looked around for a seatbelt.
'Oh there isn't one in the back, the paramedics had to cut through it.' Said Tara, glancing at Vince and winking. Howard turned very pale, so Tara, laughing, continued 'Don't worry, I was kidding, I'm actually an excellent driver.'
'Are you quite finished Rain Man? Can we get on, I wanna watch Big Brother.'
'Oh you don't watch that rubbish?'
'Its an interesting social experiment!'
'It was an interesting social experiment. Now it's freaks in a house all shagging each other.' Vince seemed about to protest, but she quickly continued 'All right, all right. You're gonna have to direct me though.'
'I don't know the way!'
'What?'
'I take the tram every day, I don't know the way by car!'
'You're joking.' Vince shook his head. 'Fat lot of good you are then. Howard, you know the way home?' she called over her shoulder.
'Yeah, its left up here.'
'Thank you.' Tara glared out of the corner of her eye in mock contempt at Vince, but even as she did so her mouth twisted into a smile. She was with Vince after all. What could be better?
As Howard directed her, she turned on the cd player, but the previous cd had finished playing. Bummer. 'Howard? To your right, there's a cupboard with a picture of Marilyn Monroe in a top hat on it yeah? Inside there's a cd holder which says 'cds R-Z' on it, can you getout the cd that says 'vintage' please? And,' she ejected the current cd, 'put his one back? Thanks.'
Howard took the cd – The Zutons – and replaced it, as there was a loud beeping sound behind them. Looking in the rearview mirror, Tara saw a businessman in a Mercedes gesturing wildly.
'Look at this idiot.' She muttered, then reached up to a line of string leading to the back of the van, where a panel of plywood depicting a hand making a 'V' sign was pulled back against the ceiling. When the string was unhooked, the sign flapped down to the back window, where it could easily offend annoying motorists.
'What's that?' Vince asked, unable to see this spectacle from the front.
'New addition.' Tara smirked. 'I figured it was hard for people to see my, ahem, hand signals from directly behind.'
Howard, who had been examining the walls more closely, asked 'You've been to all these places? Left.'
'Hmm? Oh yeah, most of em, but some of the postcards I just saw and though they looked cool. Which lane?'
'What?'
'The lanes, Howard, which lane?' Vince cried as they drew nearer to a junction.
'Umm…'
'Too late, we're going straight on. Where were we supposed to go?' When Howard had finished directing her back on course, Tara asked 'You travelled far Howard?'
'Oh yes. I've travelled far and wide.'
Vince chortled. 'Far and wide? What do you mean, that long and arduous journey to the Newsagents for Country Life?'
'No.' Howard muttered, 'Its delivered' before continuing 'I've travelled ok, I've been around.'
'You've travelled about as far as an organic gooseberry.'
As Howard muttered incoherently, Tara pointed to the glove compartment. 'There's a bag in there for you.'
Always excited at the prospect of receiving a gift, Vince delved into the glove box and pulled out an ASDA bag full of various brands of sweets, all of which were green. There was also an Edward Monkton card – the Haircare Hedgehog.
'Wicked!' he grinned. 'How long have you been saving these up for?' he asked, mouth full of green fruit pastels.
'A fair while.'
Howard looked up as Vince leaned over the seat to offer him a sweet. Vince's solution to any problem was either to feed it a sweet or give it a funky new haircut. Howard then jumped as Tara and Vince simultaneously (and very loudly) joined in with the chorus of Hi Ho Silver Lining.
When finished, Tara said to Vince 'Oh yeah, I was thinking of doing another channel hop soon, get some shopping done. You wanna come?'
'I dunno. Remember last time?'
'I seriously doubt that's gonna happen again.'
'What happened last time?' asked Howard, sucking on a boiled sweet.
'We were sat outside this café, and this French bloke comes up wearing a pineapple on each shoulder and asks us if we wanted to borrow his cushion covers, so we said no thanks, and he started pelting us with Kumquats so we had to leg it.'
'That is pretty unlikely to happen again said Howard, then pointed to a door just along the road. 'We're here.'
From deep within my cup of tea, the Haircare Hedgehog speaks to me, and tells me witha knowing smile, the secrets of a perfect style - I saw that and thought of Vince (especially with the cup of tea) and had to put it in.
Ihad serous writers block writing this chapter, so I'm not very happy with it, butI didn't want to leave it out. But who amI to say how good it is? You've read it, you review it! Go go go!
