Shout out to gaara king of the sand. He gave me some great tips for the story and also let me know some new things about Avatar Canon that I hadn't known before. And here's a shout-out to MaximusMMJ, someone else who gave me some pointers and helped me out. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender
XxXxXxXxXxX
Bursting into his private study, his mother's face was pale, blood drained from her features so much so that she resembled a corpse. Her eyes bulged from their sockets, breaths quick and urgent, and her face was a mass of shrilled terror, bordering on hysteria. While he was incredibly concerned about what had caused such a reaction in her, he was still surprised that she even approached him, nonetheless appeared in his own private study, for his mother had barely spoken to him at all in the weeks since he had notified her of how he let Azula escape from her cell. Just as he had known that she would be, she was furious, livid, cursing him bitterly as he had, in her words, 'taken her daughter away from her'.
When she didn't say anything about what had caused such a reaction, he had a terrible feeling and knew that something was wrong, potentially catastrophic. "What is it? What happened? Did Kuei breach Grandfather's Great Gates?" Something even more chilling occurred to him. "It's Azula, isn't it? Did she kill someone on Ember Island? Fuck. This is worse than I thought. If Kuei gets word about Azula's location, he'll send even more assassins- "
His mother wet her lips, on the verge of tears, reinforcing Zuko's fear that Azula had wasted the chance for a new life that he had given her. "No, darling, no," his mother whispered, voice shaking. "That is not it."
"Azula's fine?"
"There have been no reports from Ember Island except unusual minor earthquakes, but that is all. I speak of something so much more."
Zuko grit his teeth. "Then what is it? You look like you just saw Grandfather's ghost."
"Something worse," she said, voice tight, almost a croak. "I was not ready for this; I thought I had more time before I would face him."
Something tight locked onto Zuko's spine. "Who? Who?"
His mother's eyes closed, and she collapsed into the chair next to her, exhausted and afraid. "Your father."
Zuko jumped to his feet in horror. "What? No! No, you're lying- "
"He escaped from his prison- "
"I built it under the palace so he couldn't escape and so no one could locate him!" he roared, frantic, the stress compounding against his sanity. "I implemented every measure possible to ensure this never happened! None of the guards held any loyalty to him; I checked. And the guards are routinely changed so Father couldn't begin to manipulate them into freeing him! How could he have escaped? His bending's gone! Aang assured me it's gone! How? How could he have possibly…"
Kuei.
It was blinding in its intensity and cunning! Kuei had clearly sent another assassin, not after Zuko or to search for signs of Azula—but after his father! But not to kill, to liberate! Kuei released his father to produce a threat to Zuko's reign, creating destabilization in the Fire Nation and inner turmoil that weakened its exterior strength, providing Kuei the advantage necessary to invade and destroy Fire, for Fire had held firm against Earth's dismal attacks.
The fact that Aang was nowhere to be found had no longer concerned him, for this new war was but a feeble spark, a desperate ploy by Kuei, and it seemed lackluster, lethargic in its ferocity. Zuko hadn't attacked, only defended against Kuei's naval attacks, but Zuko's navy was more equipped and much more experienced, easily repelling any attack. And Grandfather's Great Gates were renowned for a reason.
Zuko had anticipated only a couple more months of a sputtering attack, which was not supported by Water. Thankfully, Chiefs Arnook and Hakoda had sense. Kuei was losing badly and did not have the whole support of the Earth Kingdom; Omashu and Chyung refused to enter the war, leaving only Ba Sing Se and Zaofu against the entire Fire Nation.
It was suicide for Kuei to continue, both politically and morally.
But if Kuei managed to provide a very real and dangerous threat to Zuko's position on the Dragon's Throne, a familiar threat who still held incredible sway and influence with many powerful Children of Fire, it would be horrible for the Fire Nation, which would be consumed by its own flames due to a civil war—even for a possible Fire Lord who couldn't harness his firebending anymore—which gave Earth the advantage to invade, conquer, and destroy.
It was brilliant.
"Fuck!" he snapped, crushing the teacup in his hand, ignoring the small cuts due to such an action; he bitterly picked the pieces of porcelain out of his palm. "It's a wonder Kuei can stand at all considering he has no backbone! All this political maneuvering and cunning conceals his weakness—he's unable to stand in battle and fight! He has no honor! When I get my hands on him, I'm going to give him a scar to match the one on my face he so passive aggressively mocks! And Father will be found—I'll make sure of it. Nothing's going to come of this, Mom, I promise. And he doesn't even have his bending. The Children of Fire would never, in any life, accept a non-bender as Fire Lord—it goes against our nature. Even if they support him initially, they'd realize their error when they see how powerless he is. I'll find him, and this time, I'm going to kill him. He's somewhere still in the Fire Nation," he rambled. "He has to be. If Kuei manages to attain him, he'll leverage it over me. I won't let that happen. Father's not leaving the Fire Nation. Fuck! What if he gets to Ember Island and sabotages Azula's progress?"
His mother looked at him, and her eyes were hollow. "Do you think Azula freed him?"
Zuko sprang back as if burned. "Of course not. She hates him- "
"She fears him; she always has," she corrected, empty. "I am unsure she is capable of hating your father. She hates me more than she could hate him- "
"She's gotten a lot better," he reminded gently, placing a steadying hand on her tense shoulder. "She wouldn't go back to him. We can talk about this later. I have to learn what happened- "
"The guards claim it was a spirit."
He blinked in surprise. "A spirit? Really?"
His mother only nodded. "Their conviction was almost enough to convince me."
"Let's see if I'm convinced," he muttered, trying to control his frayed temper. He knew it was Kuei—he knew. It was the only possibility, and Kuei had proven, time and time again, to possess the audacity to do something so depraved. Zuko's anger mounted, and his fists clenched, smoke beginning to drift through the slits; the thought of Kuei threatening him by freeing his father spread a sickening fury in his heart. "I'll take care of it, I promise."
She gripped his arm desperately, and it was the first time in his memory that he had ever seen her frightened—except for the time she encountered the Blue Spirit in Grandfather's house. "How could this have happened?"
Zuko pulled her to her feet and into a fierce hug. "It was Kuei."
"It might be something more."
"If it is, I'll deal with it." He tried to smile down at her, but he felt that it was more of a grimace based on his mother's expression. "I want you to be in your rooms alone. No one goes in or out except you. Do you understand?"
His mother nodded, the hysteria retreating somewhat. "Be careful; be prudent."
Zuko nodded in return. "I will be," he assured. "I'm going to ensure that no harm befalls me, you, Uncle, or Azula, alright? I'm going to find him—and kill him."
"Kuei or your father."
"Both."
She reached up and patted his cheek, something somber on her face. "May Agni smile down on you, Fire Lord Zuko."
XxXxXxXxXxX
His father's cell showed no signs of tampering, none at all; it looked completely normal. All the bars were perfectly spaced, allowing no one to slip through, least of all a grown man. He gripped the steel bars and pulled with all his strength, prepared for the bars to bend back or snap, but the bars didn't budge at all.
Nothing.
Significantly, there were no signs of bending, no scorch marks, no residual water in the air from a Waterbender, and no signs of extra dust from stones from an Earthbender. He thought about Toph's metalbending and her vow to teach Earthbenders metalbending, but he knew how metal changed after metalbending; there were subtle signs of malleability, a deterioration of something once immobile. But everything was pristine—as it always was whenever Zuko visited.
What assassin could Kuei have employed who possessed the capability to find his father's prison, hidden under the palace itself, in the deepest part of the Fire Nation, near where Zuko could always keep an eye on it? What assassin could have liberated his father without a sign of liberation—beyond the unbelievable fact that his father was gone?
Perhaps there was something to the guards' story.
Zuko pursed his lips, feeling more frantic. "Guards!" he called out, whirling around in a wave of fury as the five guards stumbled into the room and kneeled before him; he glared down at them, judging their actions. "You will all tell me exactly what happened, and your stories better correlate with each other's, or your heads will be cleaved from your shoulders."
None of the guards spoke up, terrified faces glancing at one another, making them look guilty, implicating them in his father's escape.
He hissed between his teeth and stomped past them, judgment cemented—they were guilty. "You better pray for your sakes that Agni is more merciful than I am. Tomorrow, your executions will- "
The bravest guard then finally spoke: "No, my liege, please! None of us helped the prisoner escape from his cell! We were there when it happened! It wasn't us!"
Zuko paused and slowly turned around. "You have one chance to explain why you allowed a threat to the Dragon's Throne to escape during such a volatile time."
The guard swallowed but nodded. "Of course- "
"Of course-of course! Start talking."
"Everything was normal, Fire Lord Zuko; there was no suspicious activity. After we felt Agni beginning to fade, we heard the prisoner begin to speak, and it was unlike his usual mutterings."
"His treasonous mutterings," Zuko corrected harshly.
"Treasonous mutterings," the guard corrected diligently, but Zuko wasn't appeased. "It ranged from inaudible to screams. But his intensity was so great that we feared he was not alone. However, when we unlocked the door, the room was empty, except for the prisoner. But he kept talking, and the things he said were- "
"What things?"
The fear etched into the guard's face revealed to Zuko that none of the guards helped his father escape. "It was a poem, Fire Lord Zuko."
"A poem?" he asked in disbelief. His father was never fond of the poets; he was notorious for his derision of the epic romances Grandfather and Mother adored.
"Yes, it rhymed; it almost seemed like an invocation."
Zuko felt warier. "What did he say?"
"The prisoner's eyes were glazed over, and he spoke lowly:
To battle a god, a god you must be,
Above all, with commanding majesty.
From the skies fall the tears of those who died
From Grandfather's glory, too weak inside
To summon strength against vast, crushing power,
Instilled by Heaven and Agni's glower.
Naught but failure in the pursuit arose
For the spiteful god, whom we must depose.
His existence to us is greatly vile,
Believed in and praised by those most senile.
The god lacks all but his malicious grace,
Born of a treacherous, sly, and frail race.
I dared challenge his cunning, vicious will
To realize Grandfather's dream and fulfill
The promise in my blood, an oath of Fire,
But my noble works provoked the god's ire.
Spared from Death to live in shame,
History will know history starts with my name.
The conquest must begin afresh,
Proclaimed by the victim of glowing flesh.
Indelible is the god with no foe
Worthy to face him and ravish him with woe.
The might of the world is not one but two;
To you, I pledge myself, Kindly Vaatu.
Into torpor we were cast by the god,
Who deceives and smothers, a feeble fraud.
The god must despair and fall into strife;
My recompense for his slights shall be Life."
Zuko's eyes widened, sick and terrified after hearing the recount, but he returned to his glare—barely. "And you remember all of it?"
"He was chanting it over and over again, my liege, and… it rhymed. It was like he was trying to reach Agni himself."
"Not Agni," one of the other guards. "The prisoner said Kindly Va- "
"Stop," Zuko hissed in a panic, remembering Uncle's stern instructions. "Never speak a spirit's name if you don't wish it to visit you."
The guards all paled but nodded. "Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko."
He clasped his hands behind his back to force himself to stay focused rather than angry. "And what did you do after you heard this invocation?"
"We shut the door."
"And after you returned to your positions? How did the prisoner escape?"
A different guard spoke when the other was too stricken by fear. "It was darkness, Fire Lord Zuko—darkness. It came out of nowhere and was everywhere. I've never felt anything like it."
"None of us have," one of the guards squeaked, terrified, eyes wide in horror.
"It was like we were drowning in the waters of the Poles; it was so cold, so cold we couldn't move, could only stand, immobile, locked in place. We tried using our bending, but it was so cold that our Fire ceased to burn. The frigid cold and darkness blanketed it, swallowing it whole. But then the prisoner began to shout and scream in joyful ecstasy, and then it was all gone. The darkness was gone, and we could move again and use our bending. We rushed into the cell, and the prisoner was gone."
Smoke hissed through the slits in his fists, and Zuko wanted to rage, terrified of what it all meant, but he held it together. "And?"
"We sent word immediately- "
"Not that!"
"Forgive us, Fire Lord Zuko!" the guard cried out, falling to his knees, face pressed into the floor. "We failed you, but we will- "
"What else can you tell me?"
"We have no idea what happened, my liege. This was a spirit—it had to have been! It was malevolent and strong."
He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "That's all? There's nothing else you can recall besides the dark presence is strong?"
One of the other guards lifted his head, tears visible in his eyes. "No, my liege, the dark presence wasn't only strong. It was powerful, so terrifyingly powerful. I never believed that anyone, man or spirit, could possess such power, but I felt it—we all did. The dark presence has dreadful power. Can even The Avatar defeat it, Fire Lord Zuko?" It was asked with such desperation that Zuko felt trepidation begin to thrive in his mind, like a flame on the edge of his consciousness, growing with each passing second.
"Of course, The Avatar can defeat it," he replied automatically. "Nothing is stronger than The Avatar; he is the World Spirit incarnate."
"But the prisoner said- "
"I know what the prisoner said about 'the god'," Zuko snapped. "That's my concern, not yours."
"Of course, Fire Lord Zuko."
He stared down at all their kneeling guards, critical. "Is this true?" he demanded, scrutinizing their forms, looking for any signs of deceit. He wished that Azula were here. No one was versed in the art of deception like she was.
All the guards nodded. "Yes, my liege," they all said in unison.
"Dismissed," he ordered tiredly, watching as all of the guards scurried out, and Zuko rubbed his forehead in displeasure. If what they had said was, indeed, true, it was a spirit's work and not Kuei's machinations. But Zuko wished it was Kuei rather than a spirit; Kuei he could deal with but not a spirit. A spirit made things so much more complicated.
He stared at the cell for several seconds before turning around, swiftly making his way back to his private study, mind aflame with concern and anxiety.
His father's invocation rang in his ears.
Who was Kindly Vaatu?
When Zuko reached his private study, he realized that it was entirely beyond his expertise. There was only one person in the entire world who could possibly solve it. Zuko needed his friend here; he needed The Avatar. He rummaged through his desk and pulled out a scroll, and hastily wrote his friend the details of what happened, including the little invocation, which Zuko found he remembered with dreadfully precise accuracy. Once finished, he stamped the Fire royal seal on the parchment and ordered one of the Imperial Firebenders to send it off immediately to the Southern Air Temple.
Zuko sighed and laid his head on his desk. Just when things were beginning to look up, especially since Kuei had failed so beautifully thus far in his war and invasion efforts. But his father escaped from his prison, and it stressed him so much more than Kuei's war effort, especially since this Kindly Vaatu was involved, who was powerful enough to appear and disappear with his father, along with smothering the guards' inner flames.
He was tempted to call for one of the concubines, but he needed to do something first. Grabbing another scroll, he quickly drafted a message to Uncle detailing the events and sent it off. Uncle may know, too, and he needed Uncle at the Caldera during such a dangerous time. Thankfully, Kuei hadn't targeted Uncle, but he knew Kuei would grow desperate enough to attempt to capture and ransom the Dragon of the West.
But another reason was also he wanted to see Uncle face-to-face again.
Zuko sighed again, knowing that he was truly selfish, but he didn't care; he was past caring. He had been so lonely for so long, and it didn't help that the Gaang was nowhere, not that the last time he saw them was helpful; if anything, it had infuriated him, reminding him of the truth. He was never one of the Gaang to anyone but Aang, who kept in touch all the time, even more often than Uncle did. In the others' eyes, he was never anything more than a firebending teacher for Aang and a viable, acceptable heir to the Dragon's Throne so the Fire Nation wouldn't be consumed by another Cousins' War.
He briefly contemplated writing to the Gaang, asking for their assistance in deciphering the spiritual threat, but besides his intense anger and bitterness toward them, there was also the memory of their last meeting. And Katara was betrothed to Kuei. She would pick Kuei's side every time; she had made that clear. It was better not to ask for their assistance or think of them, specifically Katara.
When he realized he was failing in his endeavor, unable to forget blue eyes, he hissed between his teeth and ordered a concubine, anticipating releasing his stress.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Zuko wondered more and more if he was going to lose his hair—either naturally via falling out or unnaturally via him pulling it out—from stress. Since he wrote Aang weeks ago about his father's escape, there was no response. Apparently, The Avatar hadn't been seen by anyone in months, for he had messaged all his political allies. At first, Zuko wasn't worried when he didn't receive a reply, assuming that Aang was following his pattern. Because Aang lived at the Southern Air Temple, he would travel every other month to one of the towns in the Earth Kingdom to prevent rumors of his disappearance from the world again.
But it quickly became evident the more time that passed that Aang had deviated from his pattern. One week turned into two weeks, which turned into a month, which turned into another month.
There was no word from his friend.
Frantically, Zuko wrote letters to each of the Air Temples, but there was no response from Aang. At the Northern Air Temple, the Mechanic expressed regret that The Avatar was not there, and Guru Pathik at the Eastern Air Temple notified him that he had not seen Aang in years but that he needed to speak with Aang—just as Zuko did—for it was of crucial importance. There were no replies from the Southern Air Temple or Western Air Temple.
Zuko grew more worried and anxious, for he feared that Kindly Vaatu had somehow killed Aang, leaving the world without The Avatar, but when he questioned the Fire Sages about such an event, he was assured that when The Avatar died, anyone even slightly attuned to the world's energy felt his passing, and clearly, no such event had happened. It was the only assurance he had that Aang wasn't dead. But it had been too long, reaching three months, and nothing had happened; there was a feeling growing in the air, intensifying, a dread of the inevitable. Something was going to happen, and his father was nowhere to be found! Zuko had spared every man and agent he could from Kuei's war to scour the Fire Nation from signs of his father, but there was nothing. And Kuei had gone quiet—too quiet.
It was worrying.
However, Uncle assured him that Kuei was only nursing his wounds and trying to rethink his strategy.
Uncle showed up at the Caldera carrying a box of tea and a bottle of firewhiskey a week after Zuko sent his message. Apparently, Uncle had already fled Ba Sing Se, for a group of Dai Li agents attacked him, but Uncle escaped with no injuries, leaving a minor carnage in his wake.
The Dai Li had resurrected the Dragon of the West—damn fools.
"You should sit down, Zuko," his mother urged suddenly, cutting through his tension.
Zuko paced back and forth while Uncle calmly sipped his tea and his mother sat next to him; when Uncle first saw his mother during one of his annual two-week visits the year Zuko found his mother, he yanked her into a fierce hug, consoling her gently. That was when Zuko knew Uncle understood exactly how Fire Lord Azulon died and why Princess Ursa disappeared.
"Your mother is right, Nephew," Uncle said, peering up at him over his teacup. "I feel the same tension you do- "
"You clearly don't!" he snapped. "That fucking tea is dulling your senses!"
Uncle frowned disapprovingly. "That is no way to speak in front of your mother- "
"She's heard worse," Zuko dismissed.
His mother nodded—somewhat sadly. "I have."
Uncle looked appalled. "Zuko! What did you say to your mother?"
"I can't remember—because I can only think about Kuei, Aang, and my father!"
"You need help," Uncle observed, voice calm.
"Yes."
"You need people you can trust."
"Yes."
Uncle smiled slightly. "Then it seems there is only one solution—write your friends and ask for their assistance."
Zuko flinched before glaring. "Absolutely not. I don't need them here, and I don't want them here."
"A man who deceives himself can never be a real man, Nephew- "
"I don't want to hear your pithy sayings! I need solutions!"
Uncle only raised a brow, undeterred. "Messaging your friends- "
"They're not my friends," Zuko said, trying to keep his patience. "They were never my friends; they were my allies, nothing more."
"I do not believe that."
"Then your tea actually has dulled your senses!"
Uncle turned to Zuko's mother with regret. "Forgive me for not instilling in him courtesy- "
"Fuck off, Uncle," Zuko snapped, watching with narrow eyes as Uncle's head snapped back toward him, something assessing in his gaze; his golden eyes were narrow, too. "I'm not messaging them. Give me an actual solution."
"What is the problem, Zuko?"
Refusing to voice the real reason, Zuko tried the noble approach, sighing begrudgingly as he sat across from Uncle. "I don't want to interrupt their lives with my problems."
As expected, Uncle's eyes closed in understanding. "Oh, Nephew. I feel certain that if you asked, they would all come without hesitation. If I remember correctly, the last time you spoke with any of them besides Avatar Aang was during the last Great Gathering."
Zuko refused to think about that fiasco; it only enraged—and saddened—him. "That was only Katara, Sokka, and Suki. Last I heard, Toph was in Omashu with King Bumi. But Katara, Sokka, and Suki are all at the South Pole. I can't ask them to make such a trip, not now, especially with Katara betrothed to Kuei."
Uncle blinked before nodding. "Ahh, I forgot that crucial detail. Do you think Lady Katara will make a good Queen of Ba Sing Se?"
"I don't care."
"I think you do."
"Your thinking's compromised- "
"Because of the tea, I know," Uncle finished in amusement. "I still think you should message them. If anything, I suspect Lady Katara would side with you against King Kuei's madness, freeing you to focus on finding Ozai and this spirit."
He scoffed. "You don't know Princess Katara, Uncle."
"How so?"
"I don't need them," he said instead, refusing to speak about it; he needed to maintain his control. "I need Aang- "
"But The Avatar is nowhere to be found. Shall you be passive or active in his absence?"
Zuko raised his only brow, unimpressed. "I thought you'd want my passivity considering how active our lineage has been during The Avatar's absence."
Uncle winced before taking a sip of his tea. "Well, I will never deny those crimes, but you are a better man than anyone before you to sit on the Dragon's Throne."
"That's not helpful," he replied. "I already know that. But none of this helps me with Kuei and my father. Kuei makes some of our forefathers look kind! Maybe I should match him in lethality- "
"No," Uncle said severely, looking like the Dragon of the West he heard of as a child. "I am angry at Kuei, too- "
"That's not what I'm feeling toward Kuei; I feel hateful and murderous toward him. I want him dead. He is nothing more than dragonshit."
Uncle frowned, and sadness shone in his golden eyes. "Zuko, I understand those thoughts and instincts, but you cannot- "
"He's been trying to assassinate me!"
Silence.
Something boiled in Uncle's eyes. "He tried to assassinate you?"
"Repeatedly!" he emphasized, growing angrier. "I lost count after the seventeenth assassin he sent to kill me! For years, he's sent assassins after me, and I've killed each of them. He's been planning this, Uncle! It's not random. He's been pressuring me for years to declare war—until my hand was forced when he demanded Azula, or else it was war."
Uncle turned to Zuko's mother, who had remained quiet. "Did you know- "
"Of course," she said with a nod. "Zuko told me."
"You did not tell me, Nephew," Uncle said, turning back to him with an incomprehensible look on his face. "Why?"
"You were in Ba Sing Se. I didn't want to risk your life. I suspected our communication was compromised."
Uncle looked troubled deeply. "A cunning strategy by King Kuei. I believe you are correct, Zuko; he wants this war- "
"Of course, I'm right! I know I'm right! He said that my refusal to surrender Azula, the fact that I was keeping her, was an act of war itself—an unforgivable act of aggression because I was housing her as a weapon to use against Earth and Water! It's insane! So, don't tell me that hateful instincts are a bad thing! I'm going to repay him for his slights- "
"You will need help."
"I'm not asking for their help," he said, firm. "Katara's going to marry Kuei, and with her old animosity for Fire, I think she'll praise his efforts!"
Uncle frowned. "That's not a kind thought, Nephew."
"I don't care! She's going to pick his side."
"That does not sound like Lady—I mean, Princess—Katara."
"People change," he snapped. "Aren't I an example of it? Well, Princess Katara changed, and she's turned into even more a bitch than Azula was."
His mother interjected: "Who is Princess Katara? You have never spoken of her."
Zuko was unable to prevent his groan. "That's not important. She's not important."
"It does not sound like it."
Uncle spoke before Zuko could. "Lady—or rather, Princess, it seems—Katara is a skilled Waterbender from the Southern Water Tribe and part of The Avatar's group of friends; she helped Zuko claim the Dragon's Throne."
His mother's eyes widened. "She is the one who defeated Azula?"
"I was defeating Azula before she cheated," he corrected harshly. "The reason Azula targeted Katara was to distract me, force me to react without thinking, giving Azula the advantage."
"But she is 'the Water Tribes peasant-bitch'?"
Zuko sighed, exhausted. "Yes. But I'm not asking her for help, nor Sokka's help, nor Suki's help, nor Toph's help. I need Aang."
"Zuko, you should not push others away," Uncle chided, looking at his mother for help.
Those words ignited his fierce ire, and Zuko felt too tired for control. "Everyone always leaves! It's poetic! It's like those epic romances you and Mom love! They pushed me away, and now I push them away! It's beautiful; it's right."
"It's vengeful- "
"Of course, it is!" he snapped. "They left just a few days after my ascension, and that was it. There were no real goodbyes. It was abrupt; it was random. And they don't extend to me the courtesy of writing. I was but a tool to them, an ally to wield as a weapon against Azula while Aang dealt with Father. And they left. You call them my friends? They're fucking traitors worthy of execution! 'Zuko, thanks for not killing us when, looking back, we deserved it, and thanks for teaching Aang firebending, but you're no longer useful to us. Oh, and try not to start another war now that you're Fire Lord. We're never going to write because you're not that important. After all, you're descended from Fire; you're worthless. Goodbye!' Aang stayed for a little over a year to help, but he had to go eventually because he's The Avatar—but he's stayed in touch constantly until whatever this situation is eight years later where we can't find him. But he's probably in the Spirit World or something! He's the only one! Mom left for years, and it was me who had to find her because Grandfather decreed that she could never return home otherwise! Now, Azula is gone, and you left me in favor of a fucking tea shop!"
The room was an inferno, candles blazing, heat overwhelming, and Zuko's breaths were ragged, and he yearned for more; he yearned to unleash flames and destroy, spew out his rage like a dragon, but he couldn't.
Uncle opened his mouth before closing it, speechless, realization making its way onto his face with each passing moment.
The realization that Uncle was shocked, or worse, hadn't known that Zuko was bitter that the Jasmine Dragon was more important to him than he was, was too much, and he had to get out of there. He stormed out of the room, ignoring his mother's requests to say, and slammed the door shut. He quickly stomped towards the Arena, servants fleeing at the very sight of his approaching form.
The Imperial Firebenders nodded at him respectfully as he arrived at the entrance to the Arena, and when he looked at them, he ordered that they allow no one to enter. With his command spoken, he retreated into the Arena.
He was all alone.
Tearing off his robe and inner garbs, he threw them to the ground, uncaring if anyone somehow snuck past the guards and was able to gaze at the myriad of scars on his back and chest—he was too angry. After dropping his crown on top of his pile of clothes, he began to shoot fire aggressively and violently in every direction, with no grace to his movements, only an animalistic intensity that, he dimly noted, would make Father proud.
He didn't know how long he continued his katas, but by the time he concluded, the fiery need to unleash his fury was gone. However, flames swelled in the room, the atmosphere becoming a reddish hue, sweltering in its intensity. It resembled the Fire Royal Catacombs to a far lesser degree. As his breathing slowly began to ease, Zuko sighed and waved his hand in a broad motion, commanding the fire to extinguish, which it did, and he plopped himself on the floor by his clothes and crown.
Now that his anger was spent, he was exhausted, but in that exhaustion was clarity, the ability to think clearly. He stared at the ground, contemplating the situation. Logically, Uncle was correct in the solution of writing to the Gaang, but Zuko hated the idea—but as Fire Lord, his feelings didn't matter.
Without Aang, he had no other choice; he had to contact them.
Aang had disappeared, and he didn't know who else he could turn to for help. Azula was a viable option, but that would be especially risky because the Earth Kingdom wanted her head on a pike, and it may be what instigates Water to join the war—or Chyung. If it was known that the Fire Lord was spending time with Azula during such a dangerous time, there was only one possibility—death on a massive scale.
She would be the last resort.
If anything, he knew that he could trust her to help him put Father back in prison or even kill him if necessary. It had taken a long time, but he had finally been able to coax her to open up about Father, and it had been such a relief to know that he wasn't the only one who hated him, that she did, too. Although, as Mother observed, Azula feared Father more than hated him. It had occurred to him that Azula could have been lying to him, trying to manipulate him, but he doubted it because the hate that had danced in her eyes like flames was extremely hard to fake, if it could even be faked it all, in Zuko's experiences.
But, despite their shared loathing for their father, he didn't trust her. He had often heard Uncle say that if you want to know the future, look to the past because it, and it alone, was the best prophet. And when Zuko gazed into the past, the lightning scar on his chest ached, reminding him painfully. He supposed that if he became truly desperate, and if Aang continued not to be seen across the Earth Kingdom and at the Air Temples, he would write to Ember Island, describing the situation to Azula as bluntly and honestly as he could because, other than Aang, she would be the best person to help him get to the bottom of this mess and capture Ozai again.
He really hoped it didn't come to that, and he really hoped he wouldn't have to message the Gaang.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Iroh no longer felt like drinking his tea.
"I would apologize for Zuko's language, but I deserved it," he said with a deep sigh, looking at Ursa. "I deserve many things."
Ursa only smiled sadly, and he tried to imagine if such was the expression on her face when she assassinated his father. "What a loving family we are."
"We can be," Iroh said after several moments. "It will take healing, but I am uncertain such healing is possible in this time with these events that keep unfolding. I am most troubled to hear all of this. My brother's escape, particularly, is dreadful. It was certainly a spirit, but what spirit would be interested in the Mortal Realm? And what spirit would possess such power?"
"Avatar Aang will know."
Iroh nodded. "He will, but the fact he is missing during all this is disturbing; it may be the most disturbing event out of anything I know."
Ursa frowned. "More disturbing than the King of Ba Sing Se sending countless assassins after my son?"
He smiled. "I commend your mother's instinct."
"This mother's instinct is what murdered your father."
Silence.
Iroh took a long sip of his tea. "We have never spoken of that."
Ursa seemed to laugh, but there was something broken in it; it almost broke Iroh's heart. "What better time than this? Everything is going wrong. My daughter is gone, for the Earth Kingdom wants her head; my son is retreating into himself more and more with each passing day due to his stress and isolation, relying on concubines to a horrifying degree; my husband is gone, liberated from his prison by something, and he has vanished like the old Air Nomads; but my brother is here. I wish to be honest with him, for he deserves the truth."
He tried not to feel disappointed at the confirmation of his suspicion of Zuko's carnal preferences. "Has he sired children by any of them?"
"No," she said, relieved, and Iroh felt the same relief. "His heir cannot be a concubine's bastard."
"It sounds like King Kuei would prefer such a scenario."
Ursa's eyes flashed. "I do not want to speak of that madman."
Iroh assessed her carefully. "But you want to speak of my father."
She swallowed but sat straight, a true noble. "You deserve the truth, Brother."
He remained quiet for several moments, trying to remember the questions that haunted him for years; it was easy. "Was he in pain?"
"It was peaceful," she assured, golden eyes watering. "He spoke about your mother to his final breaths; he wanted to see her again."
Grief surged through his heart. "Poison?"
"Yes."
Iroh gently sat his teacup down before he ended up shattering it; he was most fond of its color. "Why did you do it, Sister?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his voice from catching. "Why would you betray a man you so evidently adored? What happened?"
Ursa sniffed, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Ozai."
He shook his head. "No, I know my brother used Lu Ten's death and my absence to circumvent the line of succession, stealing the Dragon's Throne after my father's 'death'. I know that. But how does it happen? My father was no fool; he was cunning and intelligent, much more than Ozai."
Something cracked in Ursa's posture, and she slumped. "Your father made the same mistake. He underestimated Ozai just as you do—and just as I did."
"What mistake? Ozai was an opportunist who seized his chance when it presented itself."
"He made his chance, Iroh."
"What are you talking about?"
She wiped tears from her eyes. "I thought Zuko told you."
Something clenched around his heart. "Told me what?"
"Ozai paid the Dai Li to assassinate Lu Ten."
Silence.
Iroh felt a roaring in his mind, overwhelming physical sounds, and he realized that the room was aflame in a very similar way to Zuko's outburst earlier, but he felt distant from it, consumed by the chaos in his mind.
"Then I feel no more grief that I killed those Dai Li agents who attempted to capture me in Ba Sing Se," he whispered, hands clenching his thighs. He tried to keep control, to prevent from burning his soul to ash, but he was close; he had not felt such fury overtake him since Zuko's Agni Kai against Ozai.
"I'm sorry," Ursa said, but her voice was far away.
"I believed him," he muttered. "I believed him. He said he mourned Lu Ten's death, and I believed him."
"I believed him, too."
Iroh finally lowered the flames in the room and took a deep breath, trying not to lose himself in the grief of his failures as a father. "You said your motherly instincts are what- "
Ursa bowed her head, but her voice was clear. "On that day, Ozai requested a meeting with Azulon under the pretense of a presentation for Zuko and Azula to perform their katas for the Fire Lord. It went horribly; Ozai was proud, and I could see that Azulon was seething. Azulon demanded we leave, a formality so he could speak with Ozai alone. I left, but I was not there to hear what happened—a fatal mistake. But Azula and Zuko stayed behind and hid in the curtains, listening. Ozai betrayed you- "
"I know."
"He asked Azulon to revoke your birthright and name him Crown Prince."
"But Father would not do it," he surmised, unsurprised; he always had his father's love and pride.
"No, he was enraged. As punishment, he said that Ozai was to know the pain of losing his firstborn."
Iroh's eyes widened. "No, Father would never- "
"It was Azulon's great error," she whispered. "His formality was his greatest strength and greatest weakness. He had to speak in symbols and allegories, never with bluntness. When I learned the truth, I confronted Ozai, who manipulated me, preying on my motherly instincts; he said that Zuko's life was in danger and the only way to save his life was to kill Azulon." Something broken shone in her eyes. "I believed him."
"It was not that simple," he said after several moments. "My father was never simple. What was his plan?"
"He quickly learned the truth of Lu Ten's death, but he did not know what to do. He had evidence of Ozai's guilt but could not decide; he knew he should execute him, but he could not do it, not to his son. So, he waited, but Ozai was plotting, finding the perfect moment to strike. Azulon's plan was to give Zuko and Azula to you to raise and exile Ozai to the Earth Kingdom, and we were to marry, producing more children."
Iroh sighed. "That does sound like him. It sounds like both of them. I am sorry you were swept into my brother's plotting."
"I am sorry I murdered your father."
He wiped stray tears from his eyes; the knowledge that Ozai was ultimately behind Lu Ten's death changed nothing of his feelings for him, only validated them. "It would have been a much kinder path for us all."
Ursa smiled, but it trembled at the edges. "I know. He was always so intelligent and wise. I am sorry about Lu Ten; he was a kind nephew, and I was fond of him."
"He was fond of you," he recalled, trying to focus on better memories; he failed. "And he loved Zuko and Azula. I would regret my brother's birth, but I would not have you, Zuko, and even Azula without him. He is my brother, and there will always be that part of me which considers him such, even though he murdered my son."
She patted his hand, and he squeezed gratefully. "But one thing came out the path we did walk—you still became Zuko's father."
"My absence after the Siege did not help," he said after several moments. "You were gone, and he had only Azula and Ozai. It took me a long time to re-earn his trust, but it was not enough. I am sorry I stood by and did nothing while Ozai burned him. If I really was his father like my father wanted, I would have intervened and tried to kill Ozai."
Her eyes dimmed. "If I was the mother I thought I was, I would have returned to the Caldera, regardless of the Fire Lord's decree."
"But there is a big part of me that is relieved I did not intervene and allowed it to happen," he confessed, watching her carefully, wary of her 'motherly instincts.' "He would never be the man he is without it, and he would have never comprehended the truth of my brother."
"That event shaped him more than anything else did," she said after several moments, nodding her head. "It is clear to me. I despise it, but I understand it. I am uncertain he understands that event's impact, but it changed everything. It changed the fate of Fire, and it provided him the opportunity to meet Avatar Aang and his friends."
Iroh thought of those children he knew. "They were good kids who deserved not the fates that befell them. War is a disease that ravishes everyone, and it ravished them, indeed, none more so than The Avatar."
"And Princess Katara?" Ursa asked, voice curious. "What of her? Zuko mentions Avatar Aang most often, but he has never mentioned Princess Katara or the others. What are their names?"
"Master Sokka—or Prince Sokka, I suppose—, Lady Toph, and Lady Suki."
"And Prince Sokka and Princess Katara are siblings?"
"Yes, descended from the South's Chief."
"What were they all like?"
Iroh remembered. "Young; so young; too young. They had no place in the War, but they made places for themselves and became the foremost champions to herald peace."
"They sound wonderful," Ursa commended, but her voice was bemused. "However, it is perplexing why, if they are so wonderful, they left so abruptly and without communication since. It angers me for Zuko's sake."
"I cannot say why there has been silence in communication," Iroh said, shrugging. "But the War left scars on us all, and for those so young who were forced into such positions, those scars were intense but brief—which may be worse. I cannot say. I will confess to disappointment in their choices, particularly Princess Katara's. Her silence is most surprising."
Ursa blinked, something crossing over her face; Iroh knew Zuko wouldn't like it if he had not, understandably, stormed off. "Zuko said Azula forced him to react without thinking during their Agni Kai."
Iroh nodded. "Yes. What of it? It is what Azula always did, and Zuko always fell for it."
"I have seen that scar," Ursa said, scooting forward, something urgent and enlightened on her face as she gestured to the place on her body where such a scar would be. "It should have killed him- "
"Princess Katara healed him," he replied, understanding her line of thought. "She beat Azula and healed him. I do not know how. Zuko was recovering but remembered nothing; he was unconscious during it all. And I did not want to bother him more by pressing him about it; he was distraught enough about Azula's condition. But when I approached the subject with Princess Katara to thank her profusely and ask what happened and how she did it, she refused to talk about it; I suspect she was traumatized by the event."
"Understandable," Ursa sympathized. "But why would Zuko do such a thing? Why sacrifice himself? Why embrace certain death so Princess Katara could live? I know my son. There are exceedingly few people in the world for whom he would make such a monumental sacrifice. He values his life; he always has."
Iroh remembered Zuko's various incidents that challenged such a perception, but he knew Zuko's actions were a symptom of his belief in himself, his abilities, his almost invincibility, and his arrogance in challenging anything to dare to harm him. "Indeed."
"So, why?" The look that he knew Zuko would dislike grew stronger on Ursa's face. "He said Azula gave him no time to think, only react. And his reaction was an instinct, an overwhelming instinct to protect the life of a girl he now despises at the cost of his own life, which he so values and cherishes."
"There is no greater sacrifice than sacrificing your life for the sake of a friend- "
"But was she a friend?"
"She was supportive of him, and she spent days laboring over him after the Agni Kai, healing him, doing everything she could to ensure there would be no lasting complications from his injury. And she succeeded."
Ursa closed her eyes in prayer, gratefulness clear on her face. "Thank Agni."
"I said the same."
"As you should, and you should say it every day."
"I have become remiss in my thanks."
"We all do. But did Zuko love her? I noticed his passion when speaking about her."
"I cannot say if he loved her," he responded, having already had a similar thought. "I do think that Zuko would have made the same sacrifice for any of his friends, certainly for The Avatar and likely for Prince Sokka. If it were Lady Toph or Lady Suki for whom he made such a sacrifice, I would think nothing of it. But Princess Katara was always different, and it makes me wonder; there always existed a tension between them, a volatility that simmered before eruption. Once it erupted and improvement was made by Zuko to mend the wounds he inflicted against her and the others, they were peaceful; content, it seemed. I do not know if he loved her, Ursa, and I have never dared ask."
Ursa's lips pursed, and she took a sip of her tea. "Is it possible he did?"
Iroh nodded. "It is. Zuko has always been most passionate, and Princess Katara is the only girl I have ever encountered—and Zuko, as well—to ever rival his passion."
"But in such a short time?" she asked. "How long was he with The Avatar's group?"
"Minimally, but he was most familiar with them, and they knew him. After reconciliation was reached between Princess Katara and Zuko, it is possible Zuko grew to love her."
"Why?"
Iroh chuckled. "He is just like all men of our lineage. My grandfather loved his first Fire Lady instantly, and when he laid his eyes on his second Fire Lady, my grandmother, he loved her instantly; my father loved my mother instantly; I loved Natsumi instantly; and Ozai loved you instantly. Perhaps Zuko loved Princess Katara instantly after they connected."
Ursa only nodded, and a sigh escaped her. "If he did love her, she did nothing to earn it in the years since. I am most thankful that she spared Azula's life and saved Zuko's; I am in her debt. But I wonder at her seeming cruelty in abandoning Zuko."
"I suspect there is more to it."
"There clearly is, but it displeases me that Zuko has suffered because of it."
"He would be displeased you think he suffers," Iroh pointed out in small amusement.
Ursa sat straighter. "I am his mother. I know him, and I have watched him since my return. He surrounds himself in shadows, preventing anyone but myself, you, Azula, and Avatar Aang from knowing and understanding him- "
"And he lays on top of the concubines too much," he finished knowingly.
"Yes. He is not in a good place, and you should hear some of the things he mutters viciously. He wishes death on many people who anger him, even going so far as to proclaim he will kill these people himself. I fear this war with Kuei is only going to make it worse, especially with Ozai gone. He needs support, and he needs connection—authentic connection. He thinks the concubines connect him, but they disconnect him, reducing his perception of other people—and women. And the fact he persists in his refusal to marry is disconcerting. At first, I thought it was due to his reliance on the concubines, but now after hearing about Princess Katara, it makes me wonder."
Iroh sighed, ruminating on such a possibility for several moments. "I think it is more a fact that Zuko does not trust after everything he has endured rather than he yearns for Princess Katara. If he yearned for her, he would speak of her, even minimally. But he has never spoken of her—he is furious with her. Perhaps he did share something with Princess Katara—or what he recognized as the potential for being something, which had its roots in traits, values, intimacy, and trust—and waits for something to rival it, to contend with it, and that is the reason for his persistent refusal. But I believe it stems from his inability to trust, and maybe the reason he does not trust is Princess Katara, but I think that goes too far. That is too simple, and Zuko is complex; there are many reasons he would not trust. He has faced betrayal all his life, betrayed by, ironically, everyone but The Avatar. I think he expects any marriage, especially with King Kuei's niece, to culminate in betrayal against him, whether physically via assassination or emotionally via anguish."
Ursa was quiet for a long time. "I fear he will only retreat further into himself, becoming more and more distant," she confessed, voice an agonized whisper. "I am not enough. I think part of him waits for me to vanish again. He needs connection, and these concubines only numb his sense of connection."
"He will message his friends, and they will come," Iroh assured. "He knows his duty as Fire Lord, which is permanent, eclipses his feelings about them, which are transient."
"I would like to speak with Princess Katara. She must be a most powerful Waterbender to heal Zuko from such a severe injury."
"I suspect it was the Full Moon," he replied. "The Full Moon augments a Waterbender's capabilities, and during Sozin's Comet, it was a Full Moon. It was why she went with Zuko rather than Lady Toph, a prodigious Earthbender so powerful she discovered metalbending. The Full Moon empowered Princess Katara to such a degree that she was better equipped to help against Azula, a skilled Firebender empowered by Sozin's Comet. And she was able to heal Zuko when, otherwise, she would have been unable to."
Ursa nodded. "I would love the chance to speak with her."
Iroh sighed and stood to his feet. "You will get your chance. I need to speak with Zuko—about many things. He knows that he must message them, but his stubbornness and bitterness are clouding his judgment."
"I recommend not bringing tea with you," Ursa suggested after several moments. "He would destroy it."
"Indeed," he agreed seriously with a solemn nod. "We cannot let more tragedy befall this family."
XxXxXxXxXxX
Zuko tensed when he felt a presence enter the Arena; he had enjoyed the solitude and lack of Fire Crown on his head. Whirling around as he shifted into a firebending stance, he growled in annoyance and snuffed out his flames at the sight of his visitor.
"Go away, Uncle," he ordered, not even trying to decipher how the old man snuck in past the Imperial Firebenders, but knowing Uncle, he had probably charmed them into letting him in. "I'm ordering you."
He felt Uncle sit next to him, sighing heavily. "I cannot do that, Nephew, you should know that by now."
"It didn't stop you before," Zuko hissed, fists clenching. "You had no qualms with going away to your fucking tea shop."
Uncle hummed lowly and clasped his hands together. "I am not leaving; we must talk. I will sit here for days if I must- "
"I could execute you for disobeying my order."
A mere eyebrow rose. "Will you order my death?"
Zuko huffed and deflated. "Of course not," he muttered. "But I would have if you had brought tea."
"Your mother's suggestion," Uncle admitted. "She knows her son- "
"But why didn't you know me?" he asked, feeling an inward devastation. "I needed you here- "
"You did not. You wanted me here."
"I needed you here because I've had no one until I found Mother!"
Uncle winced. "If I had known of your friends' regretful decisions, I would have never left; I would have forestalled my plan for some time."
"What are you talking about?"
"I left to protect you."
Zuko looked at him, startled. "What?"
Uncle only nodded solemnly. "I will admit it was far too easy to slip into a mere man serving tea in Ba Sing Se, to pretend that is all I was, but that was never my design. When my brother usurped the Dragon's Throne, and your mother killed my father, my wish, my great aspiration, was that you would redeem our line—Sozin's line—becoming a redeemer of the past just as Sozin's father had been. I hoped for you to become a Fire Lord who the rest of the nations respected instead of feared and hated; I wanted you perceived as Zuko, not Ozai, Azulon, and Sozin. I wanted your life as a ruler to be one of peace instead of misery and loneliness as my grandfather's and my father's became; I wanted you to be your own man, your own Fire Lord, in the eyes of Water and Earth, who still remember the Dragon of the West and his exploits; I wanted your credibility to be complete rather than questioned; I wanted you free from my influence, which would be seen negatively by the other nations; I wanted you to rely on yourself rather than me. I feared if I stayed, you would be perceived as a meek and ineffectual puppet while I held the true power of the Dragon's Throne, operating in the shadows. You did not need me like you once did; you were mature and honorable, wise and understanding. My place was not to be in the Caldera and weaken your position; my place was to be elsewhere, a forgotten relic who could never be a threat to the peace and balance of the world. If I stayed with you, I feared lasting peace was impossible. Clearly, I was wrong. But I made a hard decision that a man must make in his life. Do you walk an easy path even if it leads to likely catastrophe, or do you walk the hard path so that peace is possible? I chose the latter option. But it is evident now that peace was never in King Kuei's designs."
He stared at him, looking for signs of deception but found nothing, and the worst thing was that it sounded exactly like Uncle. Studying Uncle's weary and drawn features, the hunched-over shoulders, the golden eyes that looked back at him were old, and, with a start, he realized that Uncle, the Dragon of the West, looked much older than his sixty years of age. In fact, at the moment, his uncle resembled the portraits of Fire Lord Sozin when Zuko's great-grandfather had been nearing his death.
"You're serious," he said in disbelief. "You abandoned me out of love?"
"It was not an easy decision, but it was a decision I made," Uncle replied. "Perhaps it was a mistake."
"It was!"
"It was only a mistake because of the unthinkable choices your friends made. I thought that you would have support and a steady foundation. Instead, I left you for yourself and, ironically, made you stronger than I anticipated."
Zuko felt a sneer form on his face. "But that strength was at the cost of everything else."
Silence.
"I have missed you fiercely, Zuko," Uncle whispered, and Zuko stilled. "I yearned for those days in Ba Sing Se before Azula, but Life continues, and it is never the same."
"I missed you, too," he muttered.
Uncle grabbed his hand and patted it warmly. "But you have not been honest with me, Nephew. If I had known the truth of things from your letters, I would have returned."
Zuko looked away. "It was done out of love," he mocked before sighing. "I didn't want to worry you; I didn't want you to think I was failing. If you knew the things I've been doing, you would be disappointed."
"I already suspected about the concubines. Your mother merely confirmed it."
He didn't feel surprised. "But that's not the worst thing. I would visit Father often."
Uncle tensed. "How often?"
"About once a month, maybe twice," Zuko confessed. "He was the only one who just… understood. Even if he sneered and jeered, there was an inherent understanding—because he was Fire Lord. He even gave me advice sometimes—in mockery, of course—but sometimes I followed his advice, seeing no other option."
"I am sorry you felt pressured enough to find such solace," Uncle whispered. "Is that where you learned the truth you refused to divulge to me?"
He frowned. "What truth?"
"You did not tell me the truth of Lu Ten's death."
Zuko glanced at him, surprised. "She told you?"
"She did. You did not."
"I was afraid if you knew the truth, you would attack the Dai Li. You lived in Ba Sing Se"
Uncle sighed. "A good instinct. But I yearn to attack my brother."
"A good instinct."
Uncle chuckled softly. "It seems we have both made mistakes; we both made decisions for the other out of love and protection."
Zuko shook his head, silent for a long time, thinking over Uncle's decision and the results of such a decision; not everything was a bad result. There were probably more good results than bad results. "But I do have to thank you. Because you did succeed—I'm a worthy Fire Lord because you forced me to come to decisions and choices on my own, letting me make the mistakes I needed to make."
A gentle smile met his gaze. "And I am most proud of you, Zuko. You have redeemed us. This madness occurring has nothing to do with you, only men who cannot heal nor forgive."
He smiled, as well, but scoffed. "It's a lot more than that. With Aang gone, I'm worried, especially with this 'Kindly' spirit."
Uncle frowned. "Which is why- "
"I'm not talking to them," he interrupted. "I'm not; I'm serious."
"I was going to suggest I write to my White Lotus contacts to see if they could be of help."
Zuko sagged in relief. "Thank you. That's the kind of solution I've been looking for."
"But I still think you should message your friends."
He groaned, wishing he felt surprised at Uncle's persistence. "No. I'm going to wait for Aang."
Uncle was quiet for several moments. "Why?"
"Because he's The Avatar. I just don't know where he's at. The Order's not going to be enough."
"His absence is worrying," Uncle conceded. "You cannot see the world without The Avatar's eyes; his impact across the ages is unbelievable—incomprehensible. The Avatar is the highest, the culmination of divine bending, beauty, wisdom, and genius; he is the most incomprehensible of mortals, for he is immortal. We admire masters and sages because they touch Heaven, but we love The Avatar because he comes from Heaven."
Zuko blinked before nodding. "Exactly. That's why I need him- "
"The Order cannot compare to The Avatar, but he has shared his wisdom and genius with us in all his lifetimes, and we have it chronicled and cataloged. If he does not return in time, we will be able to help."
"Fine," he agreed. "But I'm not messaging the Gaang."
"Why? I know they abandoned you, but you have memories you cherish of them; I know you do. They were not allies; they were friends. They are your friends—if only you take the first step. You claim they never wrote- "
"They didn't."
"Why didn't you?"
Zuko tensed. "I was busy."
"What if they were?"
"Busier than the Fire Lord?" he asked in disbelief.
"You waited for them to write, but what if they waited for you write? What if it is more complex than the notion that they are cruel and 'fucking traitors worthy of execution'?"
Silence.
"Maybe. I possess the instinct to dehumanize," he confessed. "It's an instinct I follow a lot."
"After what you have experienced, it makes sense," Uncle agreed. "I once held such an instinct, and it is a powerful instinct, the most powerful out of all our instincts. It makes things simple, and we all yearn for simplicity to help our comprehension."
Zuko felt exhausted. "I think I'm ready for some tea to 'help my comprehension.'"
Uncle beamed. "If that is the Fire Lord's wish."
XxXxXxXxXxX
"Have you had any contact with Mai and Ty Lee since you had to banish them?" Uncle asked as he sipped from his cup of tea.
Zuko shook his head tiredly, raggedly exhaling. "The last I heard from either of them was when they had been in the Earth Kingdom a few years ago, somewhere in the Colonies."
"And what of your sister?"
He shook his head again, but his conflict was clear in his mind. He honestly didn't know, and he told Uncle as much: "I don't know, I truly don't. If I need to, I will write to her, but I don't think that the situation is dire enough to bring her in yet."
"Azula would be a great asset," Uncle said pointedly, golden eyes remembering just as Zuko's own were.
"Yes, believe me, I'm more than aware of that fact, but even though I'm proud of the great progress that she has made, especially concerning our mother, I don't trust her. I can't; the past is too muddled with our previous history of violence," Zuko said adamantly. "And, even if I did decide to bring her here, it would make the war with Kuei so much worse. Water would have no choice but to enter the war if they learned Azula were here—you know it as well as I do."
Uncle took a long sip, considering. "Then, until The Avatar reveals himself from wherever he has ventured, we must each write letters—you to your friends, and me to my contacts."
A bubble of hysteria condensed in his chest, but Zuko managed to nod his head in agreement, recognizing the logic. "Fine, but only if there is no word from Aang in two more weeks. If that happens, I will write… the rest of the Gaang," he conceded with no small amount of bitterness, praying that his friend would miraculously return from wherever he was.
A small smile graced Uncle's face as he poured himself another cup of tea. "And Azula?"
"We'll wait and see, Uncle," he said softly, preferring to bring his sister to the Caldera instead of writing the Gaang, but he knew that would only condemn her to the Earth Kingdom's wrath.
Glancing out the window, his uncle sipped his new cup of tea. "Nephew, this situation sounds spiritual. This dark presence you mentioned is powerful, but I know of no spirit who would do such a thing. The Face Stealer is my only guess, but if it were him, the guards would have been left with no faces."
Zuko sighed. "I know. I thought of the Face Stealer, too. I'm afraid of what it all means. Too much is happening for it not to be somehow connected."
Uncle smiled optimistically at him. "I am sure that The Avatar will receive your message and fly to the Caldera as quick as possible, Zuko."
He grunted, not believing Uncle's words for a second. "Knowing my luck, there will only be silence."
"The theme of silence brings me to something I want to speak with you about."
"Which is?"
"You have no heir- "
Zuko groaned. "Mother really did tell you everything. She's been pestering me about it."
"Because your reign is only held together by your force of will," Uncle said gently. "It is most impressive. Only Sozin himself could do something similar."
"That's not comforting."
Uncle smiled sadly. "It is not supposed to be."
"What are you trying to say?"
"You need an heir during such an unstable time. The birth of an heir would provide stability- "
"I'm not marrying Kuei's niece," he interrupted firmly. "I want him dead, not part of the family."
"But he would fit in right with our family!" Uncle said with a laugh before quieting. "The longer you wait to have an heir, the more you provoke the possibility of a rebellion to your rule."
"Sozin didn't have his heir—Grandfather—for fifty years, and there were no problems- "
Uncle's brows rose. "But you forget one pressing fact, Nephew—Sozin already had children."
Zuko tensed in remembrance, understanding what Uncle meant. "Li and Lo from his first marriage," he recited. "I know."
"Hear the story again."
"Why?"
"To learn," Uncle said firmly, and Zuko leaned his head back, waiting for Uncle to begin. "For so long, it was feared that my grandfather's Fire Lady was barren, for no heirs were produced after over two decades of marriage, but when she eventually, finally fell pregnant, my grandfather—and the people—viewed it as a sign from Agni that his long-awaited-for heir was to be born."
"But they were girls, twin girls named Li and Lo," he finished.
Uncle nodded. "Yes, and they were non-benders, too, a disgrace to the Fire Royal Bloodline, but Sozin allowed them to live for the love he held for his Fire Lady. However, the birth of healthy twin girls gave him hope, and Sozin believed that because his Fire Lady was still young enough, strong firebending sons would follow." Uncle summoned a small flame in his hand and stared at it, voice becoming raspy. "But no sons ever came, and, in spite of the entire Fire Nation pleading with him to set her aside, with some even insisting on her execution, to marry a young noblewoman, he did not because he loved her too much."
Zuko rolled his eyes. "I get it, Uncle. You're telling me I'm selfish—just as Sozin was. Without a proper heir, the Fire Nation is doomed if the Fire Lord dies prematurely, a civil war ensuing as unworthy rivals seek to sit on the Dragon's Throne. You don't think I'll be as lucky as Sozin."
"I think you underestimate what you are capable of, Nephew- "
"You think I could become like Sozin?" he demanded, eyes wide. "That's insane! You're from whom Azula got her insanity, not Mother!"
Uncle sighed. "You admitted you follow your dehumanizing instinct often, and you perceive your friends as cruel. If you could, I suspect you really would execute them."
Zuko refused to admit that he had fantasized about it several times. "I'm young," he snapped. "How old were you when you cast aside that dehumanizing instinct?"
"Older. But the presence of this spirit concerns me. It may provoke your evil if it can."
"I'm not turning into Sozin, Uncle," Zuko said tiredly. "It's insane."
"You share similarities with him, Zuko," Uncle said gently, golden eyes unwavering. "I was seventeen when my grandfather died, and I had many opportunities to observe him, for my father was at war; my grandfather was responsible for my education until his death, and his death was a result of loneliness, not old age."
Zuko grit his teeth. "So, that's what it's about. You think I'll die from loneliness- "
"If you continue down this path, yes. And the similarities you share with Sozin continue. You hold tremendous love in your heart, and Sozin did the same. But in that same heart lurks the instinct for dehumanization- "
"I'm not going to start another Great War! I'm not going to wipe out Water or Earth- "
"But if you are angered? If you are fearful?"
"Sozin feared nothing but The Avatar."
Uncle's eyes lit up. "Exactly. It was that fear which motivated him to slaughter the Air Nomads."
Zuko shook his head. "No, that's- "
"I knew my grandfather, Zuko. You did not. I saw him often, and I spoke with him. He was lonely and sad; he once had everything, but he sacrificed everything because of his fear and anger. He was haunted, Nephew; he seemed especially regretful in his last year."
"But he still wanted his vision of a world of only Fire," he muttered.
"My grandfather loved his family; he cherished his family. When it came to love and family, he was selfish, willing not to sire an heir for half a century—out of love for his barren wife. What does it mean to do that, Nephew? When his Fire Lady finally died several years after Avatar Roku, he grieved for a long time, mourning her passing for years, refusing to remarry."
"But he saw reason," Zuko observed flatly. "He had no heirs, only two non-bending daughters whom nobody would ever accept, and he had no bastard sons as possible heirs."
"It was imperative he married, and he pursued a match until his eye was caught by one of the most powerful noblewomen in the Fire Nation, who inherited all of the lands and riches from her father when he died without sons, and who was even more renowned for her prowess in firebending and, most importantly, her young and fertile beauty. Quickly, they married, and she became heavy with child, and my father was born."
"And he bastardized Lo and Li, ensuring the Dragon's Throne was unmarred by a potential civil war if Lo and Li married some power-seeking nobles and sired Firebenders."
"Indeed," Uncle said, nodding. "He was a contradiction—a paradox. My grandmother gave birth several more times throughout her life, to sons and daughters, all Firebenders, but they all died before they could have begotten children of their own, leaving only the senior branch of the Fire Royal Bloodline to exist. In some ways, I think that it is best. The Cousins' War is a glaring reminder of what happens when the Fire Nation has too many Firebenders with royal blood."
"What's the point?"
Uncle leaned forward, eyes intent. "What is your response to fear? To anger?"
Zuko frowned. "I know I have a temper- "
"You dehumanize your friends and condemn them as 'fucking traitors worthy of execution.' Your fear of loss—of losing Azula—provoked you to refuse to hand her over rather than trusting in Azula's capability to escape whatever convoy- "
"You think I should have handed her over?" he demanded in disbelief. "That wouldn't have stopped Kuei! It would only satisfy him for a month or two before he had more demands, wanting more and more!"
"It was an option," Uncle said gently. "It would have given you more time to prepare for war. You have been blessed that King Kuei is incompetent. This could be so much worse."
"I know. I'm preparing for it."
"But also prepare yourself for you. Conflict and pressure can yield a terrible nature. Sozin succumbed to his fear. Will you?"
Zuko threw his hands in the air. "Of course not!"
Uncle beamed. "Excellent. Now, about marriage- "
"Seriously?"
"You need to give it consideration."
He squeezed his eyes shut. "Fine. When all of this is over, when Father is found and killed, and war with Kuei is over, I'll make a marriage."
XxXxXxXxXxX
Exactly as he feared, two weeks passed without sign of Aang, and Zuko bitterly conceded to honor his promise to Uncle. He wrote letters to Katara, Sokka, and Suki, and Toph:
Hello, Fire Lord Zuko here,
Something has happened, and it necessitates your presences. If you could come to the Caldera and meet me, I would appreciate it. Please come; I need you all here. Extremely urgent. My father escaped.
Fire Lord Zuko
Ignoring Uncle's woe at such a brusque message, he sent the messages off. For another week, he waited for any response, preparing himself for a blunt rejection or, worse, no replay. After Aang's disappearance, he felt paranoid that everyone in the Gaang was dead, and even though he was incensed with them, that fury didn't mean that he wished them dead, a permanent residence in the Gardens of the Dead, despite his wish for their executions.
Sometimes.
So, he felt pleasantly surprised when he received a response from Sokka after only a week: Alright, say no more—literally! We're on our way, and we'll be there soon. Also, can you make sure there's some komodo chicken? I've just realized how much I'm craving it. Katara added the following at the bottom: We're looking forward to seeing you, Zuko. We wish it was under better circumstances, but maybe this is a good thing, right? See you soon.
Zuko incinerated the letter after reading such a bold lie.
A few days later, he received Toph's response: Be there soon, Sparky. Please tell me when I get there that bitch-sister of yours is behind it. I want a rematch.
After reading it, Zuko briefly pondered how Toph had been able to write and send the letter, but dismissed the thought, realizing that she had probably used a servant or someone to do so.
He felt no confidence in their imminent arrivals.
XxXxXxXxXxX
"You are nervous," his mother observed, tossing a small piece of bread into the pond for the turtle ducks.
Zuko grunted. "Because I should be. They'll be here soon."
"Are they that bad?"
He remembered when he saw Katara and Sokka at the Great Gathering. "Yes."
His mother glanced at him, curious. "Princess Katara saved your life and spared Azula's life. I do not understand your animosity toward her."
Zuko smiled tightly. "Emotional wounds are worse than physical wounds."
"Did you love her?"
He didn't know why he was surprised by the blunt question. "No."
"But you saw yourself loving her."
Zuko sighed. "Maybe when she was older," he admitted. "We were both too young. I admired her a lot, and she had many qualities and traits that drew me to her. We seemed to share the same values. And she was attractive, of course."
"Of course," his mother agreed, smiling kindly. "Is she why you have refused marriage- "
"Of course not," Zuko said honestly. "I refuse marriage because I don't trust any of the offers. I would marry one of my subjects like every Fire Lord before me, but that's not a good way to breed goodwill with Earth and Water, which I need. It's the only way peace will be possible."
"What of the others? Prince Sokka and Lady Toph?"
Zuko shrugged. "Not much to say. I liked both of them; I thought we were all friends."
"What did you like about Prince Sokka?"
"He had an unconventional intelligence, and he could be funny—sometimes. But he was positive and willing to look at things in a different way, which I appreciated after everything I'd been through. He was a swordsman, and we would spar with each other. He liked talking strategy and planning, and he loved stealth even though he was terrible at it. Toph reminded me of Azula when we were young, and she didn't take dragonshit from anyone. She wasn't looking for sympathy because she was blind, and she hated pity, which I appreciated with me feeling the same about my scar."
"What did you like about Princess Katara?"
He glanced at her, irritated. "I know what you're doing. You're getting me to focus on the positive so I'll be more congenial with them."
His mother only smiled. "What did you like about Princess Katara?"
"Her body," he snapped, feeling small vindication when his mother frowned, displeased.
"I only push you to prevent something you will regret."
"I regret this conversation," Zuko tried.
"You are very amusing."
"I don't feel amusing, unlike Sokka."
His mother shook her head. "I suppose it is too much to ask for you to introduce me to them?"
"Good instinct. They don't deserve the honor of meeting you."
"I accept your flattery," his mother said, glancing at him with knowing eyes, "but only because it makes me feel closer to Azula."
His lips curled, and he chewed on one of the pieces of bread. "That's why I've stayed Fire Lord—for all the flattery."
His mother laughed slightly before she quieted. "Then you should understand how to flatter your friends. Make sure to follow your good instincts rather than your bad instincts. You do not want to make a poor impression."
Zuko remembered his actions before he joined the Gaang and tried not to wince. "I don't think that will be a problem. They're the ones who should be worried."
"Do you think they are?"
"Of course not."
"What if they are?"
Zuko glanced at her and threw a chunk of bread into the water. "You've been spending too much time with Uncle."
"You spend too much time with concubines."
He sighed, exhausted by her insistence of reminding him about his habit. "You're bold."
"You are lonely."
"I wish Azula were here," he muttered.
His mother only nodded. "As do I."
"She'd probably shoot lightning at them," Zuko lamented. "If you promise to do it for me, I'll introduce you to them."
Unfortunately, before she could answer, a servant scurried into the garden and bowed lowly. "Forgive the intrusion, Fire Lord Zuko and Dowager Fire Lady Ursa."
"What is it?" he asked.
"Your guests have arrived, my liege. One is very vocal in his demands to be fed."
Zuko sighed. "Nothing changes," he mumbled before raising his voice. "Bring them to the dining hall to celebrate. I will be there shortly."
"Of course, Fire Lord Zuko." The servant bowed once again and left as quickly as she had entered.
He turned to see his mother looking at him in amusement and curiosity. "Celebrate?"
"It is a reunion," he begrudgingly said.
"I am surprised that you alerted people that you had 'guests' coming."
"Very few know," Zuko responded, still sitting down even though he knew he should stand up. "The circle of knowledge is small. Although knowing Sokka, that circle will expand very quickly. Who knows what Kuei will do when he learns that they're here?"
She slowly stood up and smiled down at him gently, kissing his forehead. "You will be fine, Zuko. You are the Fire Lord, the anointed ruler of the Fire Nation, the foremost Child of Fire, descended from Agni himself. Remember to keep an open mind."
His mother left the garden, leaving him alone.
Zuko continued to feed the turtle ducks the last pieces of bread, centering his breathing and clearing his mind. He would not lose himself in his temper, nor would he react with anything but detachment, maintaining his image as Fire Lord, an image he diligently cultivated throughout the years. He must be distant and aloof—he must be!
It was a reunion, not an execution.
XxXxXxXxXxX
When he entered the dining hall, he was incredibly relieved that it was still empty, giving him the fundamental advantage. They would have to present themselves before him and not the other way around. It also gave him more time to prepare. He knew what to expect from Katara, Sokka, and Suki, having encountered them at the last Great Gathering, so he would not be surprised by their appearances. Last time, he failed, still remembering his pathetic shock at seeing Katara again and to a lesser extent, Sokka and Suki. But this time, he would have the advantage—all the advantages. He would not be surprised by anything. However, he didn't know what to expect from Toph, having not seen her in so long. Would she act like an adult or younger?
Zuko sat down in his designated position and stared down at his formal robes, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes, fastening the mask of the Fire Lord to his mindset, refusing to allow any bitterness to ruin the meal. And when he opened his eyes, he knew his face was stoic, aloof, even dark. At the beginning of his reign, he realized that he couldn't succumb to his famed temper and act like a child, so he carefully constructed a second personality that he was able to slip into, and the results became a success. He had often heard whispers in the palace, heard the servants and nobles themselves hint to each other that his Agni Kai with Azula had somehow changed him, bringing forth a new Zuko, son of Ozai and Ursa, one who was incapable of showing any emotion, and he had used that to his advantage.
The doors opened across the magnificent table, and servants rushed in and kneeled before him. "Our esteemed majesty, Fire Lord Zuko, we present to you Prince Sokka, heir of the Water Tribes, and his beautiful wife, Princess Suki, Master of Unarmed Combat and Stealth."
He watched listlessly as Sokka and Suki were led by several Imperial Firebenders into the hall and shown to their seats. He took in their appearances, which had changed little since the Great Gathering. Sokka was still taller and broader than he was during the War, filling out from his lanky build. However, there was something new—there was fuzz on his face. Clearly, he was trying to grow a beard, but it was a failed endeavor.
Zuko almost sympathized.
When he gazed at Suki, he saw, again, the echoes of the girl she once was, which was replaced by a beautiful maturity. He also noticed that they both looked overwhelmed by all the customs, just as he knew that they would be; the sight filled him with amusement that he refused to let show on his stoic face.
"Fire Lord Zuko, we present to you Master Toph, the Lady of Earth and first Metalbender."
Zuko actually felt his one eyebrow rise at her appearance when he first saw her, despite his efforts for apathy. Unsurprisingly, Toph's aggression was plain as she looked like she wanted to crush the Imperial Firebenders, but thankfully, no doubt, because of her Bei Fong parents, she seemed to understand the repercussions of such an act. She had certainly grown in both ways. She was taller, and she had also developed a woman's figure, but based on the clothes that she wore, which were the same as during the Great War except larger, she didn't want to exhibit the changes in her new body. The guards led her to a vacant position across from Sokka and Suki, and she sat down, face turned towards the door, but Zuko knew that Toph was feeling his body's responses, specifically his heartbeat.
He always knew that out of all of the Gaang, besides Aang himself, of course, Toph would be the one he felt the least resentment for. While they connected during the end of the Great War, it wasn't the type of connection that he had felt with Aang, Katara, Sokka, and even Suki.
Although, he realized that she probably understood him better than everyone else, save Aang. She grew up in the Bei Fong household, one of the richest Noble Families in the entire Earth Kingdom, and her upbringing would have undoubtedly conflicted with her personality. She understood wanting a parent's love and had been the only one of the Gaang who had given him a chance when he had followed them to the Western Air Temple after the failed invasion on the Day of Black Sun.
But still, he refused to give her the satisfaction of sensing anything different about him. He had an image to maintain as Fire Lord.
"Fire Lord Zuko, we present to you Princess Katara, Master of Water and Art of Healing; the daughter of the Southern Water Tribe's Chief, Hakoda, and sister of the future Chief of the Water Tribes, Prince Sokka."
Zuko reminded himself to reward the servant for not alluding to Kuei by referencing Katara's betrothal to him.
When she entered the dining hall, escorted by the Imperial Firebenders, he prevented an audible curse from escaping him when he felt himself have the same reaction as last time—damn! Based on Sokka and Suki's faces, he kept his thoughts from showing on his face, but he felt his body react, and it was clear that Toph sensed the changes; she tilted her head at him, but thankfully, she stayed silent.
Katara was just as beautiful as last time—probably more so somehow. Her blue gown, under the light in the room provided by the many torches, made her skin glow; she looked radiant, like what he imagined a spirit to look like. As she stepped toward the empty seat next to Toph, their eyes connected for only a moment, and Zuko wanted to leave the room immediately at the weight of her eyes, blue as the ocean; he had to! It was too much! What had he been thinking listening to Uncle? He had to leave at once; he was going to!
Of course, he stayed.
Her dark hair fell past her shoulders in soft, natural curls, and her lips quirked at him in hopeful greeting, but he refused to allow a single emotion to cross his features, and based on the fleeting hurtful look to cross her own features, he succeeded—thankfully. She looked the same—a little taller than she had been in the War, but her body had matured; her woman curves were evident even though her gown didn't emphasize them.
She gracefully sat down in her seat and looked at the Imperial Firebenders. "Thank you."
"You are welcome, Princess Katara."
The servants waited for a few seconds until there was absolute silence before bowing, falling to their knees in unison. "All hail Fire Lord Zuko! Master of Agni's Eternal Flame! Keeper of the Dragon's Throne!" they all cried out reverently, and then they quickly stood up and left the room, leaving behind an awkward silence that descended over the room's occupants.
Not shocking to Zuko, it only took several seconds for the silence to be shattered.
"Alright, where's the meat?" Sokka demanded, smacking his lips. "I'm starving! I trust you got my message, Zuko?"
He met Sokka's hopeful look and desperately wanted to crush such hope, but he couldn't; Father would be ashamed. "Yes, I got the message."
"Good. I've been craving komodo chicken the entire trip up here."
Suki smiled apologetically. "He really has. I even heard him muttering about it in his sleep."
Zuko already wanted firewhiskey. "Chefs!" he called out, voice booming through the room; the fact that Katara flinched slightly at the sudden volume was almost cathartic.
Within seconds, the dining hall was filled with caterers and food tasters, and, after only a minute, the room was cleared, Zuko's meal already checked for poison. Just as he had known they would be, the meals looked incredible, and the royal chefs had truly outdone themselves. It seemed that he wasn't the only one who was impressed because Sokka was drooling and, in a blurred motion, quickly dug into his komodo chicken. In stark contrast, the rest of the group had more decorum and slowly ate their meals, trying to show that they had manners that could rival a royal's.
They failed.
Katara tried to act reserved as she stared at her brother in disgust while Toph and Suki, to Zuko, seemed amused. He himself quietly ate small increments of his fire flakes, though he didn't eat much, not hungry, having lost his appetite when word of the arrival of his 'guests' reached him. However, he did drink a few glasses of firewhiskey, a lot more than he should have, but the pleasant burn spread through his chest, soothing away what few feelings of fear and nervousness he had left.
Finally, once everyone was full and had finished their meals as much as they could, Sokka began talking.
"That was even better than I remembered! Thanks, Zuko."
"You're welcome," he replied automatically, sipping from his firewhiskey.
Sokka gazed around the room, wonder on his face. "No wonder the Loser Lord broke out if he had this to come back to."
"Sokka!" Katara hissed. "We said we were going to be subtle!"
Toph snorted. "Like that was going to happen."
"It's alright," Zuko interrupted. "But it is late, and we can discuss my father tomorrow. We'll be more mentally prepared then."
Katara smiled, and Zuko tried not to stare. "Thank you, Zuko. It has been a long trip."
"Was it an eventful one?" he asked blandly.
Her eyes narrowed slightly, but she still smiled. "Only if you count Sokka vomiting."
Zuko nodded, trying not to let his mockery show in his tone. "You always have to count that."
"Hey!" Sokka yelled. "Blame it on Katara's cooking!"
"Or your weak stomach!" Katara defended.
"I think you were waterbending the boat to make me vomit!"
"You're an idiot!"
"Something we can finally agree on."
All eyes turned to him, and Zuko realized he just ruined his distant disposition—so much for following his good instincts.
Toph cackled, milky eyes hazy with mirth. "Oh, good one, Sparky! I agree, too!"
Perhaps he needed to reward Toph along with the servant.
Sokka rolled his eyes. "If I were an idiot, would Suki have married me?"
Suki patted his cheek. "That depends on if you were reasonable."
"He wouldn't be," Katara said quickly, grinning, and Zuko couldn't look away. "I can't wait to see him as Chief."
"I can't wait to see you as Queen of Ba Sing Se," Zuko said, and the sudden tension that filled the room, emanating from Katara, Sokka, and Suki didn't make sense, but Zuko wasn't going to let that stop him. Fuck the good instincts his mother wished him to follow. "Have you thought about your potential policies? Ba Sing Se is in need of reformation; it is very troubled."
Toph tilted her head at him, milky eyes narrowed; her lips quirked into a small smirk. "Sparky, we both know it's a lot more than troubled."
Zuko felt the smile on his face was not a 'healthy' one, emphasized by the concerned looks he received. "It's broken, fracturing under the weight of Kuei's massive ego. And it's up to Katara to fix it. She is quite the healer, after all."
Sokka exchanged a worried glance with Suki. "I don't think now's the time to talk about Ba Sing Se, Zuko. That's not why we're here, remember?"
He only stared at Katara, whose body was tight and contained, but her blue eyes were on fire—but behind such fire, there was dread, anxiety, and desperation. "We're just catching up," he defended with a casual wave of his hand; Azula would be so proud. "We are friends, aren't we?"
"Of course," Katara said quickly. "I will be Queen of Ba Sing Se; the wedding is a little over a year away."
"Then I have advice, as a friend," Zuko drawled, taking another sip of his firewhiskey. "From one ruler to another—watch out for assassins."
Sokka's eyes widened before looking at Katara in worry. "Wait. What are you saying, Zuko? Is Katara going to be in danger as Ba Sing Se's queen?"
Zuko's brow rose in surprise at the complete ignorance. "Let's just say that Ba Sing Se is the source of assassination attempts."
Katara frowned, and it almost seemed like she understood what he was saying. "Kuei's been targeted?"
Clearly, she didn't understand.
"He needs to watch out for assassins," Zuko responded.
Toph snorted in amusement, understanding the implication that Zuko was going to send assassins after Kuei, but she said nothing.
Sokka's face scrunched with disbelief. "But the Water Tribes don't have assassins or anything like it! Why would the Earth Kingdom have assassins?"
Zuko frowned, realizing that Sokka was serious. "Assassins have their source in weak men with no backbone who have money to pay to end lives. It seems like the Earth Kingdom has a lot of weak- "
"I'm from the Earth Kingdom," Toph reminded pointed before waving her hand, "but I'll allow it."
Suki's eyes were narrow as she stared at him. "I never heard of assassination attempts during the Great War, least of all in the Earth Kingdom."
He shrugged. "Why would you? During any war effort, unity is needed. If kings or nobles are getting assassinated, it splinters morale and divides people into groups, turning the Earth Kingdom on each other rather than the Fire Nation. Without the Great War, kings have gone back to the old ways. Why have a war when you can have an assassin accomplish what your war was meant to do? Much less financial stress and you may even make a friend out of it. Who knows?"
Katara looked uncomfortable. "Apparently, you. Why do you know so much about assassins?"
"Why do you not?" he challenged. "Use your imagination and think. Political life isn't all like in the Water Tribes."
Sokka glanced significantly at Katara. "You need to talk to Kuei."
She nodded, looking shaken. "I will."
"Of course, you will," Zuko muttered, but only Toph seemed to hear him.
Unfortunately, Toph's grace had ended. "What does that mean, Sparky?" she demanded, smirking.
Katara's gaze locked onto him. "Why? What did he say?"
"He said, 'of course, you will' after you said you'd talk to Kuei."
Zuko met Katara's hurt gaze with a bland stare, ignoring Sokka's narrowed eyes. "Of course, you will talk to Kuei, for you will be his queen," he defended disingenuously, a tight smile on his face. "Wouldn't you agree that communication is crucial, Katara?"
She seemed to wither under his stare before she sat straighter, but her eyes were pleading; he didn't care. "Yes, communication is important. But sometimes outside events prevent communication."
His hand clenched around the firewhiskey. "Well, if you do speak with Kuei, tell him that I tell him to go fuck himself."
Katara's lips parted in shock while Toph cackled. "Oh, Bumi was right—I do like you even more, Sparky!"
Suki frowned, eyes focused on nothing, mind thinking while Sokka stared back and forth between them. "What the fuck is going on? What am I missing?"
"Dessert," Zuko replied. "Chefs! Desserts!"
Immediately, the desserts were carried out, and Sokka forgot his question while Zuko downed the rest of the firewhiskey, knowing he would regret it—but he didn't care. He shouldn't care! They were the ones who should be ashamed and act proper and distant!
Toph waved a hand at him, catching his attention. "I need you to confirm something for me. Bumi told me that, at one of the Great Gatherings, you told Kuei he was acting like a conquered man relying on his conqueror—you. Is it true?"
Zuko remembered that particular Great Gathering and marveled at his younger self's restraint; he should have murdered Kuei on the spot. "Yes, I said that."
She howled in laughter while Katara stared at him with incomprehension. "Why would you say that, Zuko?"
"Ask Kuei," he said. "He'll tell you all about it."
Sokka glanced at Suki before carefully looking at him. "Kuei said that you haven't fulfilled the promises you made- "
"He'd say that," Zuko said, trying not to sneer. "He just wants more and more; he's greedy."
Suki frowned. "Kuei as in King Kuei of Ba Sing Se?"
"Katara's future husband," he confirmed with a smile. "Surely Katara could explain the situation better than I can."
Katara stared at him, something lost on her face, but her eyes were clear. "I can't, Zuko."
"And I'm too tired to," Zuko replied, standing to his feet; he was starting to feel impaired, and it would get worse quickly. Why had he drunk so much firewhiskey? "Since we're all done, I'll show you to your rooms. It's been a long day, right?"
Toph only grinned. "Not as long as yours, Sparky. Or should I call you 'servant' since you, the Fire Lord, are showing us to our rooms?"
Zuko's eyes narrowed. "Such an offense can warrant your execution."
Her grin only grew. "I'd like to see you try."
"No, you wouldn't."
Toph's grin slipped, replaced by something considering. "As you judge, Fire Lord."
Sokka whistled, cutting through the tension, and his eyes were slightly wide. "I never knew that the Fire Nation, specifically the royal family, was so deeply rooted in traditions."
Zuko motioned for them to follow him as he led them out of the dining hall into the corridors of the palace. "Water has family; Earth has history; and Fire has tradition."
Katara tried to catch his eye, but he refused to give her the satisfaction. "But all of those stem from the same place. Family, history, and tradition are all connected intimately."
"Exactly," he responded, turning a corner slowly to prevent from crashing into it. "The nations are different but the same, embodied by The Avatar."
"And how is Twinkletoes, anyway?" Toph asked loudly. "Where is he? He should be here if it's about the Loser Lord."
Zuko tried not to wince. "He's on his way. He's doing something important."
"Which is?"
"He didn't say."
"That doesn't sound like him."
"People change."
Katara stepped closer to him, and Zuko did his best to quicken his stride to get away from her; he almost stumbled but managed not to. "Can I talk to you, Zuko- "
"We're here," he proclaimed loudly, rounding the corner, stepping further away from Katara, from her deep searching eyes. "This is the guest wing of the palace. And Sokka and Suki will stay in this one." He pointed at the room; his finger almost shook, but thankfully, it didn't. "You'll have one bed."
Sokka grinned and pulled Suki closer, who shot her husband a look of fond exasperation. "What if we break it?"
Zuko shrugged and leaned against the wall to preserve his balance. "Take Toph's. She can sleep on the floor. I think she'd prefer it."
Sokka laughed while Toph suddenly punched him in the arm, and he restrained the urge to break her arm in retaliation; it helped that he didn't feel it much because of the firewhiskey's numbing impact. "That was definitely an insult, but I'll allow it since it's true."
"That was a good one, Zuko," Sokka said, pulling Suki into their room. "Goodnight, everyone!"
The door shut before anyone could respond.
"And which one's mine, Sparky?" Toph demanded.
Zuko smiled tightly and pointed across the hall. "You and Katara are directly across from Sokka and Suki, and you two can decide amongst yourselves who gets which room. It doesn't matter to me."
Toph blinked innocently. "But what if you want to visit one of us? How will you know- "
"The Fire Lord does not visit people; people visit the Fire Lord."
She smirked, impressed. "Being Fire Lord's changed you."
"A good change?" Zuko asked, not caring about the answer; he wanted the conversation done.
Toph glanced at Katara, who was quiet, waiting. "That depends."
"And you can tell me about it tomorrow. I'm tired."
"You're something else based on the smell."
"I'm tired," Zuko stressed, feeling his mouth tighten into a severe frown, "and so are you."
"How'd you know?"
"Your eyes are hazy."
"They're always hazy!"
"How would you know?"
Toph snickered and approached her room, and opened the door. "I'm going to have fun with you, Fire Lord."
"That would be considered an assassination attempt," he called out as she slammed the door.
Zuko turned to Katara, pointedly looking past her. "You know where your room is. If you need anything, find a servant."
He pushed himself off the wall with more effort than normal and turned around to leave, but Katara reached out and gripped his arm, touch soft but insistent; somehow, he felt its impact utterly even with the firewhiskey numbing his senses. "Wait, Zuko- "
"I really am tired, Katara- "
"So am I! I want to talk to you—as in you-you, not whatever mask this is you have on."
He finally glanced down at her and noticed she looked desperate; it only angered him—as so much did. "The only reason you're still standing here, touching me, is because of this 'mask' I have on."
Katara's grip on his arm tightened; it actually helped him keep his balance. "I need to talk to you- "
"I need you to let go," he emphasized, looking down at her hand, which looked soft and inviting.
"No, I know that- "
Zuko ripped her hand away and gripped her own arm, squeezing brutally, ignoring her gasp of pain. "Don't you get it?" he hissed, gaze locked onto shocked blue eyes. "I could execute you. To disobey the Fire Lord is death. You think your position as future Queen of Ba Sing Se will save you, but I don't care about Kuei; he can go fuck himself—and so can you."
Katara swallowed, face twisting from pain, but she stared up at him, voice clear. "I don't care about being Queen of Ba Sing Se. That's not what 'will save me'."
"Then what will?" he asked, despite himself, not liking the look in her eyes.
"My position as your friend."
His eyes widened in shock at her audacity before his grip tightened, causing his fingers to quiver from the pressure he exerted, and the pain flashing in her eyes did nothing to soothe his temper. "You are nothing, least of all a friend. If Kuei decides to execute his queen, I'll applaud him! I'll send him a bottle of firewhiskey in congratulations!"
"I'm surprised you'd have any to spare after how much you were drinking!" she snapped. "I can smell- "
"What you smell is you," he hissed. "You reek! All of you reek! Your presences are foul and abominable, a slight against me! If I didn't value my vision, I would gouge out my eyes just so I wouldn't have to look at you!"
Unfortunately, her anger dissipated, and his anger didn't seem to impact her. "Zuko, I'm sorry- "
Zuko let go of her and put distance between them, trying not to stumble, cursing Uncle for forcing him to invite her. "Go to bed, Katara."
She rubbed her arm, and Zuko refused to feel guilty. "I won't be able to sleep- "
"Good."
Katara scrunched her face in hopeless frustration, gazing up at him desperately. "There must be something I can do- "
"Stop pretending," he snapped. "You want to do something? Stop pretending; stop trying to make a good impression; stop playing at being apologetic; and stop looking at me all the time."
Her eyes were soft as she slowly approached him, and he hated that he felt drawn to her. "Zuko, I know I deserve it, but why are you like this? What happened?"
Zuko's face contorted, and he knew he looked like Father; he knew exactly how to silence her. "Ask Aang."
She sprang back, eyes wide, speechless—just as he wanted.
"The betrayal of a mother," he wondered, knowing he was being cruel, but why should he care? "Is there anything more haunting?"
Silence.
He turned around and walked away, triumphant, especially since he retained his balance, not looking back at her, energy firing through him. Taking a mental mark of his location, he began a trek towards the nearest secret passage. When he arrived, he placed his heated palm against the smooth wall and watched as a section of the wall smoothly, and almost soundlessly, opened.
Stepping through, he heard the passage close, leaving no traces that it had even been there. He almost solemnly made his way to his study, and, after about a few minutes, he took a sudden right and punched his fist forward. A bright flame burst out of his hand, and, to his left, a passage revealed itself, and he strode through and into his private study.
Uncle waited for him with a brow raised. "It did not go well."
"No," he answered, controlling his temper.
Smiling gently, Uncle nodded proudly after staring at him for several long moments. "You are wise, Nephew, much wiser than I was when I was your age. You have every right to feel that way. You never had any friends in your life until you joined their group, so it is all right. Then, when they left and did not contact you at all, that feeling of comfort and camaraderie turned to bitterness. And with your abandonment issues from Ursa and myself," he admitted, guilt visible in the old man's golden eyes, "it is no surprise that you feel this way. In fact, I would be incredibly worried if you felt that everything was fine. Many mistakes were made."
"Has there been any sign of Aang? Any sightings?"
Shaking his head soberly, Uncle's voice was grave. "The Avatar has not been sighted in over five months."
Despite himself, he was surprised, and he cursed his hope—the hope that his friend had somewhere appeared in the past days. "Do you think he's in the Spirit World?" he asked, failing to keep the hopeful inclination from throbbing in his chest.
Uncle frowned. "I cannot say, Nephew. No one, not even the Order, knows of the power The Avatar wields except The Avatar himself, and because of this, he could be anywhere. I hope he is in the Spirit World."
Zuko pinched his nose. "I just wish that I knew where he was at. I'm worried about him," he admitted quietly.
"That is not surprising, Nephew. The Avatar was the only one in your group whom you were able to stay in contact with. It is completely natural to want to know if someone you care about is alright." Uncle leaned forward, putting down his jasmine tea. "You should rest—a young man always needs his rest."
"I'm not tired; I'm angry."
"Because it did not go well."
Zuko nodded, and his temper cracked; he felt explosive as he pulled out his crown, dropping it onto his desk, and he gazed at Uncle, fire surging under his flesh. "It went about exactly as I thought it would. None of them have changed. The arrogance! The audacity! They really are worthy of execution."
"You do not mean that- "
"Maybe Sozin had the right idea," Zuko snapped, something hysterical rising inside him, causing his breathing to accelerate. "He killed Roku—his friend. Maybe I should kill who I thought were my friends."
Uncle looked severe. "How much firewhiskey did you drink?"
"None."
"I have proof you are drunk."
He glanced down at himself, looking for signs of spillage. "Where?"
"The smell. I smelt it immediately when you entered- "
Zuko glared at him. "I'm not in the mood- "
"Neither am I, Nephew. You speak violently."
"Speaking violently is the only way to prevent violent actions!"
Uncle approached him and placed a steadying hand on his shoulder; Zuko hadn't been aware he was tilting to one side. "Honor is what prevents violent actions. We have always known the price of our gift of flames. Violent actions from us can be consuming and destructive. Honor is what restrains us and prevents a violent thought from morphing into a violent action. Your insistence on speaking violently reveals to me—and everyone else—that you are closer to violent action than violent thought."
He inhaled deeply and felt the exhaustion overtake his fury; he stumbled back and collapsed into his chair, reclining back. "I'm sorry I worry you."
"I am worried, Zuko," Uncle said after several moments, golden eyes sad. "You are so far from that boy you were, but I fear you have gone too far. You are much more capable now than you were then; you are darker; your anger simmers rather than explodes, producing a much more deadly possibility. You have so much control now, but what happens when that control, which immobilizes all your rage, breaks, as it has done frequently since I returned? What happens when all that rage and bitterness are free to escape?"
"It means Kuei's dead."
"This is what I speak of!" Uncle snapped, voice rising, and Zuko locked gazes with him—golden eyes versus golden eyes. "It worries me! You should not speak of such things. Words have power, Zuko, more power than you know. A thought transforms into an idea, which transforms into words, which, always, transforms into action. Words influence! Start using different words instead?"
"To do what?"
"Forgive."
"Forgive?" he echoed and felt scorn, looking away in disgust. "You sound like Aang, who doesn't even follow his own advice, although he deserves not to follow. I applaud that he doesn't follow it. He should hate Sozin. Hopefully, he'll hate Kuei when he learns the truth."
Uncle stared at him, brows furrowed. "Why did you forgive Azula?"
Zuko glanced at Uncle, startled. "She's my sister."
"They are your friends."
"She's family; they aren't. They know nothing," he emphasized, leaning forward in his chair, no longer feeling tired. "They weren't raised with me, didn't grow up with the same pressures and expectations I did; they aren't like me, raised in an environment where failure meant pain and pain meant strength and strength meant success and success meant glory. Azula understands. I don't have to explain anything to her; she understands! None of those traitors could ever understand—and they don't even want to understand! They're cowards."
"But why did you forgive Azula when you refuse to- "
"I forgave Azula because I forgave myself," Zuko snapped, something raw infusing his voice. "She's my sister. We share blood, memories, events—an entire life! Do you really have the temerity to compare a relationship I have had ever since my first memories begin to whatever relationship I had that lasted not even a fucking year?"
"Azula gave you another scar," Uncle said, pointing at his chest. "Princess Katara is why you are alive. Azula hunted you and betrayed you time and time again; she was cruel and vindictive, petty and manipulative, competitive and unstable. Your sister, whom you knew your entire life, gave you years of pain, and you forgave her. Your friends, whom you knew a few months, gave you so much less pain, but you refuse to forgive them. Why?"
"Because I understand exactly why Azula did the things she did!" he roared, flames spurting from his mouth. "Everything she ever did, no matter how grotesque and wrong, I understand how and why it happened! But with them, I can't fathom it! How do you abandon a friend and not say a word? How do you not write for eight years? How do you be a moron all the time? How do you be childish? How do you act like everything's the same when it's not? How do you act like a bitch who won't leave me alone?"
Uncle looked old. "I cannot answer for any of them. Perhaps you should give each of them a chance to explain; perhaps they can give you such understanding."
"I don't want that understanding!"
"I think you do."
Zuko growled and whirled around. "I'm not the only one drunk! Your thinking's impaired!"
"You must reach forgiveness- "
"Do you forgive Father for murdering Lu Ten?" he challenged, whirling back around, reaching out to stable himself with the edge of his desk. "What about the Dai Li who carried out the assassination?"
Silence.
Uncle stared at her, something sparking in his golden eyes. "Have you forgiven him for your scar?"
The memory of that flaming hand descending to cradle his face before unbearable agony ravished him assaulted his mind, and Zuko snarled: "Don't turn this around on me! Of course, I haven't forgiven him for it. Why the fuck would I?"
"But you did not execute him- "
"He's my father, who's been there for me these past eight years when you haven't!"
"And look what you have become because of his influence!" Uncle snapped. "Right now, you resemble him in more than appearance, and it sickens me!"
"Are you wanting an Agni Kai, Uncle?" Zuko demanded, words beginning to slur. "Of course, you are! That's what our family's all about! All that's left is Mother! I'll have fought Father, Azula, and now you! Agni Kai, Uncle!"
Uncle looked disappointed; Zuko hated it, and he hated that he felt disappointed in himself. "Zuko, you are drunk. I would never fight you."
"You never fought for me, either!" he slurred, collapsing into his chair, body twisted awkwardly, but his eyes remained glaring at Uncle. "You let him scar me, and you did nothing; you never confronted him and gave him a scar to match when I know you could have. Father was stronger than you, but he wouldn't have expected it. You walked away after my ascension and never came back when I needed you."
"I thought we were past this, Zuko," Uncle whispered, eyes pained.
"I forgave Azula because I had years with her," Zuko said, trying to control his speech. "I forgave her because I saw her constantly, daily, and I had years to understand everything. I don't have years with them or you—because you both left. I've not forgiven you."
Uncle bowed his head. "Then I shall leave you for the night. May your rest be replenishing and deep, Nephew."
"Bring me a concubine," he demanded, words barely understandable; he needed to get rid of the memory of blue eyes.
"No."
"I demand it!"
"This is one demand of the Fire Lord's I cannot follow."
"Treason!"
When Zuko twisted around, he realized that Uncle was gone, and he was alone. His mind swirled, and he sniffed deeply, cringing at the odor emanating off him; he did, indeed, smell, and it irritated him that Katara, Toph, and Uncle were all correct. He tried to get out of his chair, but his limbs wouldn't respond to his commands, which became ever more half-hearted until darkness came quickly and consumed him.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Katara stared out the window at Yue's brilliant, intoxicating light, unable to sleep, and it wasn't because the Moon was full; she should be able to succumb to the darkness of rest easily, but she couldn't, in spite of her great efforts to do so.
The guilt ate her alive, already consumed her heart, and now gnawed at her soul. For so long, she felt guilty, and she hated it—but she hated that it was her fault more. Regret was a poison in her mind, tainting whatever good memories she had of those times during the Great War. When she looked back, all she could see was the end result—her current state, along with the state of Zuko, and what she imagined Aang's state to be. How could she remember fondly the laughter and stories, the smiles and connection from before when she knew none of that had been strong enough to prevent the inevitable—which she now endured?
She hated reflecting on the past, for she would always begin to think about her mother, remembering the charred, steaming body that would haunt her forever. She once thought that memory would be the worst of her life, but then she was part of the Great War and saw many charred, steaming bodies—even children's bodies. She saw death and was responsible for it, experienced events that she could never speak about, even to those she trusted.
When the Great War ended, the distraction was gone—the mission ended. Aang defeated Fire Lord Ozai, and Azula was imprisoned. There were no looming threats on which to focus, to prevent her attention from reflecting and remembering the events she witnessed and heard about, horror stories by other survivors
It was the haunting truth of war—not everyone returned home.
She was lucky, unlike so many others. She only lost her mother in the Great War, but in that loss, she lost herself. But she still had her father before he left, and she always had Sokka. And when she found Aang and became part of the Gaang, she had a new family, one that didn't break due to death, only expand to include new members.
Like Zuko.
After the Great War, reunited with her father and Water Tribesmen from the South, it hit her with the force of Azula's lightning strikes—of which she knew the consequences more than anyone. It was all over—but the nightmares were only beginning. During the Great War, her mind was a staunch ally, refusing to burden her with nightmares, focused on the impossible task ahead and keeping the Gaang together. But when the Great War ended, her mind rebelled, and she remembered in her dreams, tainted and cruel and true, which impacted her in the living.
She was able to keep it together when she traveled with everyone to Ba Sing Se after Zuko's coronation to watch Zuko and Kuei sign a treaty of peace, promises made to make the world peaceful and harmonious—a symbol of unity between Earth and Fire.
Everything seemed so much brighter then, even with her nightmares.
But the nightmares only increased, and she knew Sokka experienced them, too—and Suki, too. After that wonderful night in the Jasmine Dragon, they had simply left the next morning, she and Sokka and Suki, eager to meet with her father near the peninsula. And now, she failed to recall if they had even given a proper and heartfelt goodbye to everyone else.
She felt so urgent to put it all behind her, the effects and impacts of the Great War and the Gaang reminded her like nothing else, provoking her memories—which provoked her nightmares.
However, upon returning home to the South and seeing Gran-gran waiting for her, it was a welcome reprieve, something that helped put those horrible, terrible memories in the back of her mind. She diligently helped Master Pakku rebuild, putting the Gaang out of the forefront of her mind, unable to bear the memories associated with them. She loved the Gaang, all of them, but the Gaang reminded her of the Great War, and she didn't want to think of the Great War—she couldn't think of it!
For the first two and a half years after the Great War, she was completely focused on helping her village rebuild and teaching waterbending to some of the children, children begotten from those who traveled with Master Pakku from the Northern Water Tribe. She was so focused, so diligently aiding Master Pakku with creating a new Southern Water Tribe, a Tribe that would rival their Sister Tribe, that the passage of time ceased to exist in her mind.
She became the village's foremost healer, and she found great joy and peace in the healing. After the horror of facing Azula, of seeing firsthand what war and conflict had turned Azula into, she hated fighting and wanted nothing to do with it. She saw what fighting did; she knew its logical conclusion and was reminded of it in her nightmares. Aang—a boy she loved as the equivalent of her son—struck by lightning, falling from the sky, motionless, lifeless, and Zuko—a boy on the cusp of manhood who was once one of the worst things to happen to her before he transformed into someone worthy and honorable, someone she was honored to know and call 'friend'—struck by a lightning bolt meant for her, jumping in front of her, taking its full impact in his chest, sacrificing himself for her when she didn't deserve it after the horrible things she did, especially to him.
So, she healed rather than fought. She kept her skills sharp, ready to fight—but only if necessary. Her healing had saved Aang's life and Zuko's life, and that was so much more important than any fight she ever fought.
However, when Aang suddenly arrived at the South Pole after two whole years of no messages being exchanged between them, having not seen him since that night at the Jasmine Dragon when she had kissed him—a desperate attempt by a 'mother' trying to show her 'son' how proud she was of him, a confused attempt to reward him for doing better than she hoped—it was a complete shock, a slap back to reality. The nightmares increased in their lethality. He grew so much, and not only physically, even though he had grown to be almost as tall as Sokka by that point.
But when Aang declared that he traveled to help out with the reconstruction of the Tribe and to visit, his tone was different. It wasn't light and kind, nor joyful and cheerful; instead, it was almost flat, distant, like he was reciting an obligation he had to follow as The Avatar.
It's when she first realized that he was angry with her—with everyone—and Katara tried to talk to him, but every time she looked at him, she looked for the boy she once knew, which provoked those awful memories she repressed constantly—which provoked the nightmares.
So, she kept her distance from Aang, committing a selfish folly, but she couldn't bear the memories. And Appa was just as bitter, bristling at her whenever she approached; he even refused to fly her around the Tribe. It was all terrible.
Katara didn't think Aang was even aware of his dark emotions, but she noticed it clearly. Something blistering burned behind the distance in the depths of his fathomless, ancient gray eyes, and it scared her. The realization that Aang was no longer the boy whom she rescued from a century's sleep was horrifying, the awareness blinding her, forcing her to see that part of the immortal rage that existed in him was because of her, because of she and Sokka and Suki and even Toph.
Instead, he evolved into her worst fear, becoming so terrifyingly reminiscent of when Appa had been stolen by the Sandbenders in the Si Wong Desert, and she was reminded once again of what it meant to encounter The Avatar, not Aang. His gray eyes were alert and active, almost gazing upon people with distrust, only allowing the young children to approach Appa. His gray eyes had always been beautiful, one of the key features that had endeared her to trust him almost immediately after she had freed him from the Iceberg. But when she glimpsed into his once-beautiful orbs when he visited her Tribe, they were a horrifying storm, howling and roiling with displeasure, only hidden by a forced distant disposition, a formality that Katara knew Aang likely learned from staying in the Fire Nation with Zuko.
And when Aang had finally approached her when he was departing from the Tribe to inform her that he was 'breaking up' with her, Katara was only surprised because she hadn't been aware they were 'dating,' but she supposed that her kiss confused everything—what a fool she was. It was a mournful visit, for the boy Aang turned into wasn't the boy she awakened from the Iceberg, and she missed that boy, which caused her to search her memories for the Aang she once knew, which brought back everything, both good and bad—and the nightmares.
Even Sokka noticed the tense atmosphere with Aang in the South, and he tried to 'hang out' with Aang, but things were fundamentally different. Aang was distant and no longer acted as the kid he was, and Sokka was more blunted since the Great War, for he had nightmares, too, but Katara felt that he was better at hiding them than she was. And Sokka had Suki, who had nightmares, too, especially of her time at the Boiling Rock, someone intimate who understood. She was happy for him and Suki that they had each other, but there was part of Katara that resented her lack of intimacy.
She certainly couldn't have intimacy with Aang, and there was no one in the Tribe who understood—except Sokka and Suki, but she didn't like intruding on them. She felt like she had no one, and she realized how Aang felt, except it couldn't compare because Aang felt abandoned—by her, by Sokka, by Suki, and it seemed like Toph, too, based on a few things Aang said. And Aang was justified.
Despite her nightmares, she should have tried harder—both she and Sokka! But she made her nightmares a more important priority than Aang. She and Sokka left him after the night in the Jasmine Dragon and after the Great War ended without a second's hesitation, only thinking about her nightmares and the void in her mind, which filled with the memories she didn't want to remember, thinking there would be time in the future to think about Aang.
But she was blind, so selfish and cruel. She once declared to Aang that she and Sokka would be his new family, that they would remain by his side, but what they had done after the War wasn't what family did. A family was supposed to stick together, no matter what; not abandon each other at a moment's notice as they had done to Aang, even for the nightmares they suffered.
Katara was, for the first time in her life, thankful that her mother wasn't alive because she would have been so incredibly disappointed and ashamed in her two children, who forgot the Water Tribe's teachings about family, especially when it concerned a boy who had lost an entire world and then his new friends who promised to be his family and lied.
It seemed that the only one who didn't abandon Aang was Zuko, and Katara realized she abandoned Zuko, too. He was so awkward—Hello, Zuko here.—when he joined them, at least to her, and it was too easy to see that he never had any friends in his life, the insight into his childhood something that had essentially, along with his understanding when she desired revenge toward her mother's murderer, helped her to forgive him. And even though she spewed words of hatred and abuse at him, even though he hunted them across the world with an utter relentlessness that outpaced Azula, he never quit on his mission to end the Great War and stop his father from securing Sozin's vision. He was determined to gain their trust even though he had no social skills whatsoever, and against all of the odds stacked against him, he succeeded; Zuko became part of their family, an integral member of the Gaang, but what had Katara and Sokka and Toph and Suki done?
They had abandoned him, too, just as they had done to Aang—they abandoned the two people in the world who most deserved a family.
Such realizations made her nightmares worse, focusing on the times when Aang and Zuko were both shot by Azula's lightning, but instead of saving them, she failed, and each died—just as she failed to keep in contact with them after the War.
She raised her concerns to Sokka one time:
"Does it worry you that we haven't talked to Aang or Zuko in such a long time?"
Sokka glanced at her, surprised. "Not really. We all had to go our separate directions."
"I know that, but I mean letters and messages. We've never received anything."
"Guess they have better things to do. I mean, one's The Avatar, and the other's the Fire Lord."
Katara winced. "What if they've been waiting for us to write first?"
"Why would they do that? It's almost impossible to find good parchment in the South! Zuko's Fire Lord, and he could probably make an entire city out of parchment; Aang's The Avatar and traveling all the time, and he could easily write us a letter."
"I'm worried about them," she admitted, assessing him to measure his reaction. "I feel like we abandoned them."
"Abandoned? That's crazy, Katara. We went home; Toph went home; Zuko became Fire Lord; and Aang's doing whatever it is that The Avatar does. We would never abandon them. We helped Aang do what needed to be done—stop the Fire Nation. Now we go our separate ways, as we should."
"But- "
"Is it the nightmares?" he asked seriously, eyes worried. "Is that why you're worried? Nightmares aren't real, Katara."
"But they feel real," she whispered. "What if they are real? What if the nightmares are telling me that we messed up?"
"That's crazy."
"You once thought bending was crazy."
Sokka rolled his eyes. "Aang and Zuko can take care of themselves. He's The Avatar, and he's the Fire Lord. You're worrying about nothing. They're probably too busy to write. Based on what Dad's said, Zuko has his hands full constantly. And he said that Aang seems elsewhere in his thoughts—because he has to bring back Air."
Katara didn't feel convinced. "Are you sure?"
"We know what Aang can do, and we know how smart he is. He was always sprouting all that Air Nomad wisdom all the time. He's fine. And Zuko's strong; he never gives up. He's fine, too. I love Aang, but the last time I saw him, he didn't seem that inviting to me. And we didn't know Zuko that long. Considering how long we knew both Aang and Zuko, they couldn't even miss us."
She smiled and nodded, saying nothing else.
But Sokka's assurances didn't help her, and while her nightmares slowly eased as the years passed, the guilt only grew—but it was too late to expunge herself of the grief. It was too late to message Aang or Zuko after so much silence, so she tried to put them out of her mind.
"Maybe it would be good for you to travel, my dear," Gran-gran said one day. "I hate seeing you like this."
Katara stared at Gran-gran in shock. "Gran-gran, I don't need to go anywhere. The South needs me- "
"You need the South more than it needs you, Katara."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your nightmares. We are all worried. Perhaps if you went somewhere, visited the places you knew- "
"That's why I have nightmares!" she cried out. "That won't help me. It won't help me rest. The only thing that helps me is by being here."
"Maybe the only way to find rest is by confronting the nightmares," Gran-gran suggested kindly. "Face the events that terrify you- "
"Do you know what I saw?" she asked, voice cracking. "Do you know the things I heard? The horror stories from other survivors? It is safe here at home in the South. There's nothing like any of that here. I never saw or heard such things until I left."
Gran-gran's face was sad. "You are not meant to stay here forever."
"But I'm meant to stay here now."
"You could go with your father to the Great Gathering."
Such an idea made her feel sick, for the Great Gathering would only talk about the Great War. "I'll think about it."
But Katara never left the South—until she did.
As the years passed in the South, as she grew older and became a woman, every unmarried man in the South asked for her hand in marriage, but she declined each time. Several times, her father intervened, and Katara realized that her father had an interest in who she married—because of politics.
Sokka married Suki, and they were to become the Chief and Chiefess of Water after the current two Chiefs died. But Katara knew that there were many people in the North, including Arnook himself, who were displeased by Sokka's choice for Suki as his wife. Many wished that Sokka married one of the eminent noblewomen in the North to unite the Tribes better.
But Katara, who could never wrap her head around the fact that she would be considered a princess like Yue, was free, and her father approached her about several marriage matches. However, when he suggested Hahn, the same brute Yue was going to be forced to marry, she was infuriated and told her father that she wouldn't marry anyone from the North. She thought her father understood that she wanted choice, but then she received the news that she was going to marry King Kuei of Ba Sing Se in two years' time.
"Sacrifices must be made, Katara," her father said, face severe and hard while Katara gaped at him. "You think I like this? I would much rather you marry a man you love, but I can't. This was the only option. The situation was getting worse, and I had to act. Maybe you can grow to love Kuei. He is troubled, but I think his heart is in the right place. He loves politics way too much for my taste, but he- "
"Why would you do this?" she demanded in horror.
"For the good of the Tribe- "
"That's an excuse!"
Her father frowned. "You are the daughter of the South's Chief, and you have an opportunity to augment our standing with the other nations. Because of you, we will unify Water and become on par with Fire and Earth."
Katara blinked rapidly, trying to comprehend the unthinkable. "But why Kuei?"
"I was going to offer you to Fire Lord Zuko, but that would anger Kuei, who wants the Fire Lord to marry his niece, and we needed Kuei's support to- "
Katara's eyes widened at such an admission. "Wait. Did Zuko approach you about it? Did he ask after me?"
Her father's eyes narrowed in intrigue. "No, the Fire Lord never approached me about such a prospect, but he famously approaches no one about marriage prospects. He refuses every offer, including Kuei's ceaseless offer of his niece, he's ever received. I admire him a lot. He differs from his forefathers in everything I've seen. If Kuei said some of the things to me that he says to the Fire Lord, I would probably attack him. The Fire Lord is a man of will."
"Then why can't I marry Zuko?" she asked, wondering at the sensation gnawing at her; it was also the most she had heard about Zuko in years, and she craved to hear more.
"It was the political deal I made, Katara." Her father looked tired. "Things are more complex than you know. Frankly, Fire Lord Zuko is a much better man than Kuei, and I would prefer to create an alliance with Fire Lord Zuko through such a marriage, but Kuei is really close with Arnook, and the only way Sokka can become Chief of both Tribes, creating unity and a stronger nation, is if you marry Kuei. Kuei convinced Arnook to name Sokka his heir, but it was on the condition that you marry him. If you reject, Kuei will convince Arnook to name someone else—likely Hahn, whom Arnook loves as a son—as his heir. I did this to secure our future, to secure Sokka's position- "
"So, you chose Sokka's happiness and future over my own," she whispered, feeling wounded.
"He is my heir and firstborn," her father said patiently. "And you can have those things with Kuei, but it will take time. Would you really have happiness and a future with Fire Lord Zuko? I know you were allies at the end of the Great War, and I am forever indebted to him because he ensured my escape from the Boiling Rock, and he is a good man. Frankly, I don't know how he bears the pressure and stress he's clearly under, but Kuei is a good match. You will be Queen of Ba Sing Se- "
"But at least I know Zuko!" she cried out. "We were friends, and we shared such a real and strong connection! I don't know Kuei, and he's so much older than me! And I don't like Ba Sing Se! If I learned anything during my travels, it's that I prefer the Fire Nation more than the Earth Kingdom! It's much nicer there!"
Her father frowned. "Katara, I'm sorry—I am, whether you believe it or not. Being a Chief means making the hard decisions, even when it comes to my children. Because Sokka and Suki married- "
"They got to choose!" she snapped. "He and Suki have been married for years!"
"And their marriage is, unfortunately, not politically ideal, which is why Arnook and the North have been so belligerent about Sokka being the only eligible heir left. Would you marry Hahn?"
Katara cringed in disgust. "No! I hope that polar-dog never spawns children, least of all with me!"
"That was the only other way Sokka would be accepted as Chief in the North," her father revealed, eyes old. "There have been so much politics going on that you knew nothing about, Katara, and I concealed everything from you and Sokka because I didn't want to make the nightmares worse. Arnook wanted you to marry Hahn, whom he loves as a son, and it would have appeased him to name Sokka heir; it would have brought more unity to Water. But since you refused Hahn so staunchly, and because of Sokka's own inevitable insistence about you not marrying him, I was convinced to refuse."
Her eyes widened. "Sokka knew?"
"No. I only asked him what he thought about Hahn, and he made his feelings more than clear—he called him 'a fucking bastard who deserves to drown'. It was easy to discern what his reaction would be if you were to marry him. But if there is to be peace and unity between the North and South with Sokka taking on both Chiefdoms, if the North isn't going to be divided by a civil war after Arnook's death, you must marry Kuei. It was the only option. A Chief's duty is to ensure that his Tribe will be in a successful position when he steps down or dies, which entails creating prosperous marriage alliances for his children if he can to benefit the Tribe."
Katara never felt so angry with her father, not even after Aang's injury after the fall of Ba Sing Se or when he left to join the Great War. "I'm not marrying him! Gran-gran ran away, and I'll- "
"Katara!" her father said, raising his voice, and she stared at him, wide-eyed. "I did the best I could, but this is our only option. It was the most rational prospect that benefitted the Tribe and Sokka, and I did take your feelings into account as much as I could. I could have been callous like Arnook and married you to Hahn as he did his daughter, but I didn't. I wanted to offer you to Fire Lord Zuko, but Arnook would never forgive such a betrayal, and, frankly, neither would Kuei. I gave you the best that I could, and I fought about it for years to get the best deal that I could, which would hopefully bring you peace and contentment, and this is the deal. I wish that the North wasn't so belligerent about Sokka and Suki's marriage and their claims of 'muddied' blood, but the North is obstinate, and I fear if I fight further, there will be no future offer. You are going to marry Kuei, and you will be Queen of Ba Sing Se. Will you fulfill your duty as Chief's daughter, the Princess of the South?"
"If Mom were alive, she'd be ashamed to be married to you!" she snapped, eyes blazing with fury—and tears.
Her father looked away for several moments, but when he looked back down at her, his face was hard. "As a mother, she would be, but as a wife, she would support me. Will you be as good to Kuei as your mother was to me?"
Katara blinked her tears away. "Please don't make me do this."
"You have two years to come to terms with this prospect, and it was the best I could. Kuei wanted to marry you immediately, but I held him off, convinced him that the Tribe needed your expertise a little longer. I think this can become a good thing if you allow it to. Maybe you being Fire Lord Zuko's friend will help ease the tension between Earth and Fire."
She swallowed. "What do you mean?"
"Kuei and Fire Lord Zuko have a tense relationship. There is a lot of arguing; it's all politics. I hate it."
"And I won't?"
"You have a gift for helping people, Katara. You are not meant to stay in the South forever—even if I want you to."
Katara went to Gran-gran, thinking that she would be an ally against her father, but Gran-gran agreed with her father! She was appalled to hear her beloved grandmother stress to her the need to marry, especially since she was still young and beautiful—and there were enticing options available to benefit the Tribe.
"You are a grown woman, Katara," Gran-Gran said, eyes gentle but stern. "I was a girl when I left the North, and my leaving did not damage the Tribe in any way. If you reject King Kuei, it will damage us, and it may take a generation for us to recover politically. And I have already heard rumors that have begun to spread amongst the men."
"What rumors?" she demanded.
"Ones of unsavory activities that you partake in."
Katara gaped. "They think I'm a whore?"
"Yes."
She realized that despite her changing of Pakku's mind, she wouldn't ever be able to change her culture's, nor an entire nation's, which included the North.
Feeling lonelier than she could ever remember, she had attempted to write both Zuko and Aang but had never been able to words on the parchment. She was too much of a coward to begin communicating with either of them after her revelation all of those years ago, and now it was far too late to begin to do so. And because of her cowardice, the riff between them seemed insurmountable.
But she would see Zuko at the Great Gathering, which her father brought her to at the behest of Kuei.
Katara cringed at the memory:
She stared at the various guests, trying not to feel overwhelmed; she failed. She had been introduced to most of them by Kuei, but she couldn't remember their names. It was just like she feared when coming to the Great Gathering. She feared that being a prominent member—future Queen of Ba Sing Se—of such an event that was a direct response to the Great War would increase her nightmares, but she remembered Gran-gran's advice to confront the sources of her nightmares, so she fought on and wouldn't crumble under the pressure she felt.
But she still felt afraid of the results of attending the Great Gathering.
However, one good thing came out of it. Kuei was so kind and benevolent, very generous, and she felt a lot better about her marriage to him after seeing him again. The age difference was noticeable but not as noticeable as she feared; he was quite charming and very understanding about her hesitancy, patient in explaining the customs she needed to follow as future Queen of Ba Sing Se and introducing her to his entourage, who stood near her.
Kuei left to speak with the King of Zaofu, and her father was speaking with Arnook, leaving her alone, free to observe. Continually, her gaze rested on Zuko, who seemed to, from the distance between them, pointedly ignore her, not even glancing at her or inclining his head in greeting—such as King Bumi had done, although a crooked grin went with King Bumi's greeting, too. Sokka had been speaking with Zuko until a few moments ago, and she had tried to translate their conversation over the vast distance by reading their body language, but all she understood was that Zuko was calm and Sokka was impatient, on the verge of anger.
There was one noticeable absence.
Aang was nowhere to be found.
His absence caused quite the stir, and some people shouted and screamed that he was dead, and Katara herself felt such panic, but Zuko intervened before anything could happen.
"Avatar Aang is alive and well!" Zuko shouted, drawing attention to himself. "He messaged me beforehand and told me that he could not make it!"
"Why?" a chorus of voices demanded, including Katara's.
"He had business in the Spirit World! He regrets that he is not here, but there is no need to worry! Let us carry on without him!"
Katara kept trying to catch his eye from across the distance, hoping that he would invite her over to talk to him, but she feared she would have to take the boldly-seek-him-out approach like Sokka, who stomped toward her with a sour look.
"You won't believe Zuko," her brother complained when he reached her.
She couldn't believe Zuko, either—couldn't believe how much he had matured in his appearance. He looked completely stiff from the distance between them across the room, but she kept staring at him, hoping to see signs of the Zuko she knew. But his face revealed no emotion when it used to be so easy to read for her; it had been like viewing a rotating series of theater masks—anger, disgust, despair, loneliness, and more anger.
But even more than that, he had changed physically. He stood taller than Sokka—taller than Sokka would ever admit—and he somehow became impossibly handsome; Zuko looked beautiful. He towered over most of the people in the room. He was a man now, not the boy who had ascended the throne after Sozin's Comet. He was very muscular and well-proportioned, alarmingly like Ozai when Katara had had the displeasure of seeing the monster. From the distance, his eyes seemed to be golden flames themselves, flecked with fire, set in a broad, noble face. His hair was the same color she remembered, and it settled down to just above his shoulders. His beard was a good beard, she could admit, and it was so much better than anything Sokka ever grew—which was little and sparse. Zuko's beard emphasized his appearance, obscuring his physical similarities to Ozai, of which there were many, and Katara knew it was a deliberate choice.
The longer she stared at him, the more she realized that she was attracted—very attracted—to him.
"Zuko's a grouch!" Sokka muttered angrily, shaking his head. "I can't believe it."
"What happened?"
"He looked like he was about to punch me when I called him 'buddy'! And when I told him about everything happening back home, he wasn't interested! He was tuning me out! I'd admire it if I wasn't so pissed!"
Katara glanced at her brother, seeing the hidden respect on his face. "I don't understand you."
Sokka sighed regretfully. "It's the burden of genius. So few ever understand- "
She rolled her eyes. "But did he say anything?"
"Not really. I think that little speech of his earlier about Aang took everything out of him."
Katara knew that wasn't it but only nodded. "But did he seem- "
"Look at that beard!" Sokka marveled, boldly pointing at Zuko, specifically at his beard, from across the distance. "Look at it, Katara! It looks great! You think I should grow a beard?"
"Can you?"
"Of course, I can!"
She frowned. "I've seen whatever it is that you can grow, and it's not a beard-"
"I just didn't give it enough time," her brother assured confidently. "It will come in. Look at Zuko's!"
"Did he ask about me?" she asked, trying not to feel hurt when Sokka only shook his head.
"No, he didn't seem interested in anything. I got the feeling he wants to burn this entire place down, including most of the people inside."
"It doesn't look like he does."
Sokka shrugged. "We're not the only ones who grew up."
It was disheartening, quite painfully so. Once she had forgiven him for Ba Sing Se after he had helped her find Yon Rha, they had seemed to communicate so easily afterward. Now, didn't even ask about her when he had the chance, and he refused to even look in her direction across the distance of the room—and she knew he knew she was present. Zuko always noticed everything.
She felt determined to change Zuko's distance. She wanted to feel the guilt no longer, and she wanted her friend back. With her decision made, she made her way across the room to Zuko. However, when she neared him, an Imperial Firebender blocked her path.
She glared up at him. "I need to speak with Fire Lord Zuko."
The Imperial Firebender said nothing, staring down at her for several moments before turning back. "My liege? This woman requests an audience."
"This 'woman' is the future Queen of Ba Sing Se," a deep voice replied, and Katara's eyes widened at the clear change, but it was still familiar to her, sounding similar to the voice she once knew. "Request granted."
She was allowed through, and she stared at Zuko, who seemed so much more imposing up close; he was even more distant and closed-off than she thought, staring at her with apathetic eyes, and he was tall! Around Zuko stood an entourage of the Fire Lord's councilors, who glared at her with varying degrees of hostility.
Katara inhaled deeply and bowed as Kuei showed her. "Fire Lord Zuko."
"Princess Katara," Zuko replied, inclining his head; she didn't know if it was an insult or a Fire Nation custom since it was different than the bow that Kuei showed her in response.
She approached slowly, unsure how to start the conversation. "You look so different, and it really is so good to see you."
Zuko didn't even blink, looking past her in boredom. "You look different, too."
Her fists clenched at the implied insult before she quickly unclenched them, aware that the councilors were watching. "Would it be possible to speak with you alone, Fire Lord?"
One of the councilors raised his brow. "If you are another woman seeking to proposition herself to Fire Lord Zuko, you waste your time."
Katara's eyes widened in shock. "No, that's not- … I'm betrothed to King Kuei- "
"No wonder she comes over to proposition herself," one of the other councilors muttered. "Like Kuei could keep a woman satisfied."
She stared, gaping, and she wasn't imagining the slight curl of Zuko's lips at the insult.
"Indeed," one of the other councilors agreed, a boast clear on his face. "He lacks the stamina and experience of esteemed Fire Lord Zuko."
Katara swallowed and stared up at Zuko. "I would like an audience, Fire Lord Zuko, and your grace to grant me such an audience would honor me forever."
Zuko said nothing, only glancing at her briefly, eyes tightening slightly before he turned to his councilors. "Leave me. Go bother Kuei if you can."
"Absolutely, Fire Lord Zuko."
The councilors departed quickly, and she was left relatively alone with Zuko for the first time in seven years.
"Charming councilors you have," she blurted out before wincing.
Zuko's lips twitched, and she felt relieved. "Believe it or not, they were trying to save you the indignity of being rejected by me. According to them, it happens too often."
Her eyes widened, despite herself. "You get that many offers?"
"Yes."
Silence.
"It really is good to see you, Zuko," she whispered, trying to smile.
Zuko's only brow wavered for a moment. "I assume you are here because of Kuei- "
"Of course not," Katara assured, stepping closer. "I'm here because I want to talk to you."
"Why?"
She tried not to flinch at the darker tone in his voice. "I missed- "
"I missed sending you my regards when I heard the news of your upcoming marriage," he said, taking control of the conversation, voice adamant and daring her to stray from his control; he still wasn't looking at her. "For that, I apologize. It is most unbecoming for a Fire Lord, but I have been busy."
"I understand- "
"Your understanding nature will aid you in your duties as Queen of Ba Sing Se," Zuko continued, voice detached but swift. "You will have many things you must do but knowing of your tenacity and dedication to things you actually care about, you will succeed. It has been a pleasure, Princess Katara. If you will excuse me…"
Zuko didn't move, but he clearly expected her to leave.
But she couldn't leave; she blinked up at him, unmoving, frozen, marveling in horror at the apathy that slammed against her. "Don't you have anything to say?" she whispered, feeling a stinging in her eyes. She was prepared for his rage; she was prepared for him to burn down the entire Great Gathering; she was prepared for him to attack her, flames licking her flesh; she was prepared for anything but the apathy. And the apathy was horrifying and monstrous, worse than anything she imagined.
Where was the real Zuko?
"Kuei is a distant man," Zuko answered flatly. "I wish you luck in your marriage."
"Well, I dress up to catch his eye," she tried, inflecting her voice in challenge, hoping to find the Zuko she once knew; she hoped to see emotion. "Can't you tell?"
"Dress up?" he asked in clear disbelief, blinking, like what she said was incomprehensible, finally showing emotion, and she basked in it. "If you want to catch his attention, all you have to do is dress down; be naked. There's simple but genuine wisdom in what a prostitute wears and how she seduces a man."
Katara's eyes widened, amazed at his bluntness; he was not the Zuko she remembered despite the many similarities. Or had she even really known the real Zuko? "Are you comparing me to a prostitute?"
"Of course not," Zuko replied, irritated, and she felt relief. "You'd be a terrible prostitute. A prostitute would have left me by now, knowing she is not welcome ever, and a prostitute would have kept in contact with her 'customer' to ensure her livelihood remained stable."
Her relief was gone, replaced by something cold. "If you would give me a chance- "
"Why don't you try it?" Zuko interrupted in suggestion, something tainting his words, making her feel even colder. "On further thought, I think you'd be an excellent prostitute. You have great skill in fleeing without saying goodbye and not clinging to your 'customers'. You know how to sever emotion- "
"Zuko- "
"Be a prostitute, Princess Katara," he said, voice hard and uncompromising, almost like he was ordering her.
"But that's improper- "
"Not as improper as Kuei's demands. You should talk to him. A prostitute could 'convince' him to cease his insanity."
Katara blinked rapidly, trying to maintain her composure, trying to keep up with everything he was saying—spewing at her—to her. "Kuei is- "
"He's insane."
"No, he's not- "
"He's more insane than Azula."
She stared up at him, taken aback by how serious he was; he still refused to look directly at her. "I remember Azula's insanity, and Kuei doesn't compare at all. He's not even insane. You're wrong, Zuko."
His face cleared, replaced by the distance, and she wanted to waterbend at him to awaken the Zuko she knew was there! "Then go and apologize to Kuei for me. Go now. Leave. If you are interested in trying the prostitute route, I'll pay you to leave me alone; your compensation will be enough gold coins to destabilize Earth's economy. Kuei deserves nothing less. Go to him."
"I'm not leaving," she insisted, trying to control her breathing and racing heart.
"Leave, Princess Katara."
Katara didn't leave, producing a tense silence.
"Is Aang really in the Spirit World?" she finally asked in desperation, unsure how Zuko bore the silence.
"No."
"You lied," Katara said in realization, shocked that he lied.
"It's politics," Zuko dismissed. "Everyone lies."
"Then where is Aang?"
"Not here," he replied flatly.
Katara felt frustration seethe inside her, and she stepped closer; there was very little space between them where they stood side-by-side, watching the Great Gathering. "Well, that's too bad, isn't it?"
"It is," he agreed. "I crafted this whole new Fire Crown so I'll be taller than him again, and he couldn't give me the courtesy of showing up to see it."
After overcoming her shock at the knowledge of how tall Aang had grown, Katara looked at the Fire Crown, which looked remarkable and grand. "It's beautiful," she observed honestly.
"I think I started something," he muttered, face scrunching in irritation. "Next time, Kuei will probably have a crown that's as big as his head."
She stared up at him, eyes pinching. "You really don't like him, do you?"
"Your husband's a prick."
Katara's fists clenched, and she didn't know from what her reaction stemmed. "We're not married yet."
"Forgive me," Zuko drawled. "Your betrothed's a prick."
"And you're better?" she snapped but immediately regretted it.
Zuko turned toward her, finally, face darkening, but then he paused, eyes drawn to her throat. "What happened to your mom's necklace?"
Katara swallowed and raised a hand to the new betrothal necklace, which felt foreign and wrong against her skin. Kuei had presented it to her when she arrived at the Great Gathering, and she couldn't reject it, even if she wanted nothing more than to keep her mother's necklace, which was now in her room.
She tried to smile; it felt forced and unnatural. "It is my new betrothal necklace, crafted by Kuei."
"Kuei has as much chance of crafting that as I have of un-scarring my face."
She flushed, anger boiling inside; it felt familiar, and that was a welcome relief with how different Zuko acted—it almost felt like old times. "I know he didn't craft it, but he said he did, and I couldn't tell him no- "
Zuko scoffed. "I tell him 'no' all the time; you should try it."
"I'm trying to talk to you," she said desperately.
"You should have written first."
She paled and found herself taking a step back before she regained her composure, trying to look up at Zuko, who looked unaffected, eyes lazily looking around the room, watching other diplomats. "Zuko, I'm sor- "
"I don't want to hear it."
Katara stopped herself from reaching out and touching his arm to gain his attention, to show she was serious. "No, Zuko, I'm really- "
"And I'm really not interested," he interrupted again, glancing down at her; unlike his face, which was indifferent, his eyes burst with fireballs. "If I didn't know it would cause a diplomatic incident—probably war, knowing Kuei—I'd light your dress on fire."
"I'd just put it out with the water," she said, gesturing toward the many glasses. "I'm sorry- "
"No, you're not," he scoffed, turning away from her in disgust. "You're just sorry that you're standing next to me, forced to interact."
She tried to control her rising emotions; she was failing, according to her racing heart. "I'm not forcing myself. I really want to talk to you."
Zuko glared at her so swiftly with such speed and ferocity that she found herself instinctively reaching out her senses to summon all the water she could, but there was no attack. However, the way his eyes consumed her like living fire, the way his body was tight, tense, and coiled, she suspected she knew what Ran and Shaw, the last two dragons, looked like.
"You're a liar."
"I'm not lying," she insisted. "We talk about you all the time back home- "
She watched the emotion cross his face, the deep rage, and she prepared herself. "If you don't stop talking, I'm going to declare war on the Southern Water Tribe," he hissed.
Katara gaped at him. "What? That's insane!"
"Since you forgot everything about me, including my existence, insanity runs in my family!"
"I'm not lying, Zuko! We always talk about you- "
"I never talk about you," he snapped, and she felt slapped. "You were never anything more than a brief ally at the end of the Great War, that's it—because that's all I ever was, right? Only an ally."
"No, you were- "
"Forgotten," he condemned, pitiless. "And so was Aang. So, with all due disrespect to the future Queen of Ba Sing Se, go fuck yourself."
Katara blinked rapidly, feeling his ire slam against her like a physical force. Before she could respond, Kuei approached with a big smile.
"Fire Lord Zuko," he greeted graciously, and Katara desperately wanted him to go away, for she knew Zuko; if she got past his anger, which she deserved, she would see the real him—as it always was. But her future husband clearly didn't understand the look in her eyes, for he continued: "I see you have reacquainted yourself with Princess Katara."
Zuko only nodded, all signs of his anger gone; he had become a much better actor. "Yes, it's good to see an old ally again."
She tried not to flinch at the blatant slight; she was only an old ally in his eyes, not a friend.
"Do you approve of the match?"
Zuko's only brow rose. "Why wouldn't I?"
"I thought, perhaps, it was Princess Katara you yearned for as your wife since you keep rejecting my beautiful niece. Unless, of course, you prefer one of Zaofu's princesses- "
"I'm keeping my options open," Zuko interrupted, not looking at either of them; he clearly wanted the conversation finished, but Katara wasn't going to let him off the hook.
"You're going to marry Kuei's niece?"
Zuko glanced at her, irritated, but Kuei spoke first.
"No," her betrothed sighed in lament. "You continue to break her heart, Fire Lord Zuko- "
"I've never even met her," Zuko interrupted, patience barely hanging on; it was clear to see, and Katara didn't feel much better. "We've discussed this, King Kuei—too many times."
"Then let us discuss something else," Kuei said, adapting easily, and Katara was beginning to realize that there was a deep history between Zuko and Kuei. "The reparations you owe- "
"There are no more reparations," Zuko said slowly, spacing his words in an effort to refrain from fury. "We've also discussed this."
"And I remember the conversation much differently than you, obviously," Kuei said, lips tilting in a calculating frown. "Do you not wish for peace, Fire Lord Zuko? Reparations are the only way forward."
Before Zuko could respond, and it looked like he might tackle Kuei or do something worse, Katara interjected: "Have you not provided the reparations you said you would, Zuko? I mean, Fire Lord."
"He has not," Kuei swiftly answered, triumphant. "He has not honored his promises. As a man of honor, I thought him worthy of my consideration. Clearly, I would save my niece the heartache if I wizened my perception."
"Then you need to honor your agreement," Katara suggested kindly, hoping Zuko could see reason. Kuei had never lied to her—except about the betrothal necklace, of course. And the quicker Kuei was satisfied, the quicker she could talk to Zuko alone again. "If that's the only way for peace, you have to do it."
Zuko's head snapped toward her quickly, face disbelieving and betrayed, and she knew she made a mistake, but it was too late. His face cleared, replaced by the distance she despised. "Your judgment is noted, Princess Katara."
"You see, Fire Lord Zuko," Kuei said, placing a hand on her arm; it felt wrong. "My imminent bride sees the truth. Why can you not?"
"What do you know about truth, King Kuei?" Zuko asked, voice light; he seemed to suddenly bear a remarkable resemblance to Azula in his disposition and gaze.
"I learned the truth after I wandered my kingdom during the twilight of the Great War."
Zuko's eyes gleamed. "And how did you come to wander your kingdom? Before, you were sheltered your whole life by the Dai Li, kept a prisoner in your own castle. But what provoked your wandering? Me. When Azula and I conquered Ba Sing Se, it was we who provided you the truth that you so claim to understand. You should be providing me reparations, not the other way around."
Katara didn't like where the conversation was going, especially as Kuei's grip on her arm tightened painfully.
"You owe me everything, including Ba Sing Se," Zuko continued, smiling pleasantly; Katara failed not to stare. "I gave it back to you in my generosity when I could have devoted myself to recapture it, but I didn't—because I want peace. How dare you claim I don't want peace when all you have done, including the little 'gifts' you send me that I'm sure Princess Katara would be insulted to hear about, is pressure me to declare war? Clearly, it is you who doesn't want peace."
Katara whirled on Kuei. "What is he talking about?"
Kuei stared at Zuko, something she couldn't describe shining in his eyes before he shook his head. "Princess Katara, Fire Lord Zuko is emotional and makes something out of nothing. My goal is balance, and if the good Fire Lord disagrees with balance- "
Zuko waved his hand. "If you are for balance, I commend you, but your actions provoke the opposite."
"My actions facilitate balance in the end. Do you not want balance, Fire Lord Zuko?"
"Of course," Zuko responded, clearly not believing Kuei's promise. "The world needs balance—we all do."
Kuei's eyes lit up. 'So, as Fire Lord, you endorse balance?"
"I just said I did."
"And you understand that sacrifices must be made for balance?"
It was blatant to Katara that Zuko was no longer listening, finished with the conversation but nodded. "Of course. Balance is essential."
"Excellent. Now, if only King Bumi would agree," Kuei lamented. "Chyung and Zaofu agree with me- "
"Because you hold their testicles," Zuko snapped, causing Katara to gasp in surprise that he would be so coarse. "You're more king of their cities than they are. You may have charmed everyone else, but I know what you're doing. If The Avatar were here, he would, too."
Katara felt like she was an outsider, watching something she didn't understand, and she regretted her interjection more and more. Finally, Katara excused herself, unable to bear the tension, but the look on Zuko's face was somehow worse; maybe that was why she left.
Ever since she attended the Great Gathering, facing her fears, the memories born of the Great War, which would be provoked by the Great Gathering, her nightmares had decreased drastically until she hardly ever experienced them. However, she had many other things to think about; she was unable to keep Zuko's words and distant disposition out of her mind.
She wrote so many letters to him that the tribe ran out of parchment, and it was made worse when Katara refused to send any of her letters, dissatisfied by their contents, her inability to fully express herself and explain herself, to talk to Zuko like she wanted to.
Kuei sent her letters, but she never had enough heart to reply. However, she forced herself to continue to wear his betrothal necklace, resigned to the fact that she was going to marry him. She couldn't ruin Sokka's position as heir of the North by not marrying Kuei.
Even if, on some days, she wanted to. Sokka and Suki were aware of her growing discontent and tried talking to her about it multiple times, but nothing ever made her feel better about the situation, only worse.
With Kuei, she felt nothing but expectation. But when she was with Zuko, even when he was so furious with her that he seemingly wanted her dead, there was intense passion and deep connection, something real and raw that she never felt with anyone else. Maybe she could grow to respect Kuei and enjoy his company, but she didn't think she could ever love him.
But she could see herself loving Zuko; it seemed like it could be a possibility.
If her father had pursued his desire to offer her to Zuko, she realized she wouldn't reject it, even after everything that happened. She wouldn't mind marrying Zuko, especially since it would greatly benefit the Water Tribes. The Fire Lord was a powerful ally and a much stronger ally than the North or Kuei. Katara felt certain if Sokka was not in such a rare position in which he could become Chief of both the North and South, her father would have rejected Arnook and Kuei and offered her hand to Zuko, the Fire Lord with vast resources and capabilities, the most powerful leader in the world—except Aang, of course.
Such a marriage with Zuko would be a good thing; it would be promising and beneficial. She knew there would be a lot of pressure married to Zuko, but she felt she would thrive under the pressure, which wouldn't be as much as, say, being the Mother of Air. And she had always thought Zuko handsome, even with the mysterious scar. But since he matured into a man, he was more handsome. And they had shared such a connection after she forgave him, no matter how short it was, and she desired that kind of connection with her husband.
But she wasn't going to marry Zuko; she was going to marry Kuei, a man for whom she felt little but distant respect and recognition.
Then, one day, she received a letter from Zuko. Her heart raced as she gripped it, but when she read its contents, her heart froze, and she gathered Sokka and Suki, and they all agreed almost immediately to leave.
She chose to leave because she missed Zuko, a lot more than she wanted to admit, and needed to try to apologize to him again, and because it was necessary. Even without his bending, Ozai was a dangerous threat. And if Ozai escaped, she knew Aang would be there—and she needed to see him, too, and apologize. She needed to repent of her grievous sins.
When reaching the Fire Nation, it was a relief to see Toph again on the docks of the Fire Nation, and it had been like times had never changed, but it became more than apparent that the times had, indeed, changed—and not for the better.
Before entering the dining hall, she requested that the servant not introduce her as the future Queen of Ba Sing Se, knowing that such a reminder would only increase Zuko's animosity toward her—and she didn't like to be reminded of her imminent marriage. But her strivings did nothing. The dinner with Zuko was disastrous, and it was clear he was drunk by the end of it, forcing conversation and pressuring her with his questions, barely maintaining congeniality, on the verge of cruelty.
And when she finally had him alone, he snapped and sneered, eyes frothing with fury; she had hoped that if she got to his emotion, things would be better, but Zuko's emotions were different than she remembered, more intense and precise. He seemed to control his emotions rather than his emotions controlling him, and it was clear his time as Fire Lord changed him. But she knew she could find the real Zuko underneath if the layers were peeled back, and she would work and work until the layers were peeled back, as they needed to be.
There was only one feasible solution—she had to keep trying.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Zuko held his head in his hands, feeling the severe impact of the firewhiskey from the previous night. The memories were murky, but the longer he focused, the clearer the memories became.
He wished they didn't. How could he have possibly challenged Uncle to an Agni Kai? What was he thinking?
A knock sounded like an explosion, and he stumbled to the door and yanked Uncle inside before closing the door, resting his forehead against the metal. "You still want to see me after last night?" he asked, ashamed.
"I always want to see you, Zuko, even after difficult conversations."
Zuko peeled his forehead away from the door and stumbled back to his chair, meeting Uncle's amused gaze. "I'm sorry. I was worse than Sozin last night."
"Recognition is the first part of reformation."
He grunted, staring blearily. "I assume it wasn't all a nightmare?" he asked. "They really did arrive yesterday?"
"Yes, and they will be here shortly. We are going to discuss the situation and update them on what has happened, divulging the truth."
Zuko groaned, closing his eyes. "I'm not in my right mind to- "
Uncle only chuckled. "I think you are in the perfect mind now, Nephew. You will lack the fury and energy to act 'worse than Sozin' again. There can be peace- "
"When are they getting here?"
"Shortly."
A teacup was held in front of him when he opened his eyes, and he begrudgingly accepted it. "Will it help?"
"Yes."
Zuko wasn't done drinking the tea when the doors swung open, and Sokka, Katara, Suki, and Toph were escorted inside by a group of servants, passing the standard Imperial Firebenders, ready for any threat.
He half-heartedly raised his teacup in greeting while Toph darted over and punched Uncle on the shoulder. "Good to feel you, Iroh."
Uncle smiled and pulled Toph into a fierce, inescapable hug before she could react. "It is good to feel you as well, Master Toph!" he declared with a laugh, and Zuko felt his lips twitch at the disgruntled expression on Toph's face when Uncle let her go.
"You're lucky I like you," Toph threatened, pointing a finger at Uncle.
"You are lucky I like you," Uncle responded, raising his teacup to take a sip.
Toph shuddered. "Good talk, Dragon of the West."
"None of that, Master Toph," Uncle dismissed. "We are all friends."
Zuko was only able to roll his eyes at such a statement. Feeling Katara's eyes on him, he finally turned to face her and felt irritated by the intensity of her stare. Unfortunately, he felt too exhausted to glare at her.
"Katara," he greeted, voice not as flat as he wanted.
Her beautiful eyes lit up, and a slight smile crossed her lips. "Zuko."
"Now that you're not as formal," Sokka interjected, something urgent on his face, "how long did it take you to grow your beard?"
Zuko blinked, unprepared for such a question, and he saw Suki roll her eyes fondly. "Too long."
Sokka clapped his hands together. "Thank you! You gave me so much hope, Zuko!"
"You need a lot of hope," he replied, seeing the sparse hairs on Sokka's face.
"I know! How'd yours get so good?"
He hesitated, looking at Uncle for support, but Uncle only smiled at him. "Time," Zuko answered slowly. "And it helps that every man in my family had a beard. Both Roku and Sozin had massive beards; my grandfather had a beard; my father has a beard; and Uncle has a beard."
"This is a stupid conversation," Toph cut in, kicking her feet up on the chair in front of her. "You tell us the Loser Lord escaped, and you want to talk about beards?"
Zuko shrugged. "I didn't bring it up- "
"You would never understand, Toph!" Sokka shouted. "You can't see the glory of a beard!"
"Based on the smell of yours, I don't want to see it!"
"It's not big enough to even have a smell!"
Suki cut in: "Sokka, your beard is fine; be patient. But Toph is correct about the worthless nature of such a topic during these times."
"Do you have any leads, Zuko?" Katara asked quietly but intently, gazing at him.
He forced himself to meet her gaze, failing to summon the animosity that burned inside him. "Not enough."
"How the fuck did he even escape?" Sokka demanded, voice urgent, eyes anxious. "He has no bending, and I know you wouldn't ever take risks in his security- "
"But what happened?" Toph asked. "When did it happen?"
Zuko waved his hand to Uncle and felt grateful when he took over, his steady voice recounting everything perfectly. "My brother's cell was found empty about three months ago, and on top of that egregious news, the circumstances around his disappearance should all give us a cause to pause in concern."
"How so?" Katara asked sharply, eyes focusing on him, and Zuko wanted to close his eyes and pretend everything was okay.
"My father seemed to have summoned something," he answered, exhausted. He really should have pushed the meeting back.
Suki's eyes widened. "A spirit?"
"So it seems," Uncle answered.
Silence.
"Not again!" Sokka cried out, shivering. "I can't go back! I can't! The Spirit World isn't made for us mortals!"
"Did it take Ozai to the Spirit World?" Katara asked, eyes wider than normal. "Did it- "
"We don't know," Zuko cut in tiredly.
"Why don't you know anything?" Toph demanded, something panicked in her voice; her hands were clenched tightly into fists. "And where the fuck is Twinkletoes?"
Zuko sighed. "That's why we don't know anything. We've been waiting on Aang."
Katara leaned forward. "And when's he going to get here?"
He glanced at Uncle, who answered: "The Avatar has not been sighted by anyone in five months."
Sokka paled. "The spirit got him."
Katara smacked his arm, but she looked pale, too. "Aang's fine, Sokka! I'm sure he's busy- "
"Did you write him?" Suki asked.
"Of course," he replied. "I've sent countless messages to all the Air Temples, receiving no responses from any of them except the Northern and Eastern Temples, and all the Mechanic and Guru Pathik could tell me was that neither has seen Aang in a really long time."
"But he's not dead, right?" Katara demanded, voice panicked.
Zuko decided to keep the peace rather than ask cruelly why she would care if Aang were dead. "No, the Fire Sages assured me he's not."
"We would feel if The Avatar had died, Princess Katara," Uncle said with a kind smile. "He is alive but gone; no one knows where he is."
"And we need him here, but he's nowhere to be found," Suki observed, face twisting in consideration.
Sokka whistled. "Aang's going to go down as The Avatar who was always late."
Katara rolled her eyes. "You know it wasn't his fault. That storm came out of nowhere; he said so himself!"
"So, we know two things," Toph interrupted, fingers raised in declaration. "The Loser Lord escaped from his prison with help, but he's still without his firebending, and Twinkletoes hasn't been around for several months."
"Five months," Zuko muttered before raising his voice. "This is why I called you here. I need your help."
Toph crossed her arms, leaning back with a mischievous grin. "That must've been hard to say."
Knowing she was childish enough to call him on a lie, he shrugged in admittance. "It was."
Suki scrutinized him, and he merely stared back, feeling Katara's gaze on him. "But why wait this long? Your father has been missing for three months."
"I thought I could handle it," he said honestly. "And I was waiting on Aang. When I realized that Aang wasn't coming, I wrote all of you."
His uncle calmly sipped his tea and butted in, rubbing his beard. "What we need to focus on is what we should do until The Avatar returns, I believe."
Sokka attempted to stroke the sparse hairs on his face. "Since this is spirit stuff, it's all mumbo jumbo to me. Were you able to figure anything out about this spirit?"
Zuko shook his head. "No, the guards were petrified and refuse to speak of it any further. I brought the Fire Sages to investigate my father's cell, and they concluded that it was something they had never felt nor read about. And I went into the Dragon Bone Catacombs myself when I had time, and an event like this has never been recorded in Fire's history."
"What of the poem, Nephew?" Uncle asked.
"Poem?" Katara echoed. "What poem?"
"The invocation my brother chanted to summon this spirit."
Sokka's eyes lit up. "I love poems! Let's hear it."
Zuko wished he didn't remember the words, but he did. "Here it is:
To battle a god, a god you must be,
Above all, with commanding majesty.
From the skies fall the tears of those who died
From Grandfather's glory, too weak inside
To summon strength against vast, crushing power,
Instilled by Heaven and Agni's glower.
Naught but failure in the pursuit arose
For the spiteful god, whom we must depose.
His existence to us is greatly vile,
Believed in and praised by those most senile.
The god lacks all but his malicious grace,
Born of a treacherous, sly, and frail race.
I dared challenge his cunning, vicious will
To realize Grandfather's dream and fulfill
The promise in my blood, an oath of Fire,
But my noble works provoked the god's ire.
Spared from Death to live in shame,
History will know history starts with my name.
The conquest must begin afresh,
Proclaimed by the victim of glowing flesh.
Indelible is the god with no foe
Worthy to face him and ravish him with woe.
The might of the world is not one but two;
To you, I pledge myself, Kindly V-A-A-T-U.
Into torpor we were cast by the god,
Who deceives and smothers, a feeble fraud.
The god must despair and fall into strife;
My recompense for his slights shall be Life."
Silence.
"This really is Twinkletoes' problem," Toph whispered. "I don't know what most of that means."
Katara's eyes were wide. "And Aang is the god?"
"The god is a clear reference to The Avatar," Uncle replied, voice somber. "My brother has aligned himself with something powerful to avenge his shame enforced by The Avatar."
"Were the guards lying?" Suki demanded, voice urgent; her hand clutched Sokka's leg. "Have you interrogated all the prison staff?"
Zuko nodded. "I interrogated them myself, and then I brought Uncle to interrogate each of them when he arrived."
"Nobody knew anything about the spirit," Uncle added. "They were all telling the truth."
"I don't think so," Toph said confidently, eyebrows raised condescendingly. "Let me talk to them; they were probably lying."
"They weren't," he assured, feeling his temper begin to boil.
"Badgermole shit! Let me talk to them- "
"Their bodies didn't heat up," Zuko snapped. "When you lie, your body temperature around the nose and eyes increases. Powerful Firebenders, like Uncle and I, can sense the change if we're looking for it."
Katara's eyes widened. "You can do that?"
"I taught it to him when I arrived," Uncle said.
Toph looked impressed, despite herself. "That's a good trick, Sparky."
He smiled pleasantly. "You're lying. It's a great trick."
"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, disgruntled.
Sokka seemed doubtful, brows furrowed. "But if you're a Firebender, couldn't you keep your body heat at the same level, even if you're lying?"
Uncle shook his head and answered before Zuko could. "It is possible, I imagine, but it is an ability known only to the Fire Royal Family—and now you four, as well. My grandfather discovered the ability and passed the knowledge on to my father, who passed it on to me. And I have since passed it onto Zuko."
Zuko was unable to prevent the small proud smile on his lips at the reminder that he shared something with Uncle that he didn't with Father—a rarity, it felt like. "None of the guards lied; none of the Fire Sages had any ideas, and they've been terribly silent since it happened. Do any of you have an idea?"
"No."
"Sorry, Zuko, no."
"I got nothing."
"You gotta get Twinkletoes' ass here to figure this out."
Zuko closed his eyes to prevent from erupting at Uncle, demanding to know why he even invited them if they were going to be of no help. But when he opened his eyes, Uncle stared at him with a raised eyebrow, golden eyes gleaming expectantly.
He clenched his jaw, shaking his head. "Absolutely not. It would make everything worse."
"What?" Katara asked. "What is it?"
Uncle took a sip of his tea. "We have reached our last resort, Nephew. You said you- "
"I know what I said," Zuko interrupted, wondering if anything would ever be easy in his life. "But I've thought about it more, and it's the wrong choice. We can't make it worse."
Toph snickered. "Damn, Sparky. Your heart's about to explode! What is it- "
Katara's eyes widened in horror. "Your heart? What's wrong? Let me feel." She approached with water that appeared out of nowhere, and Zuko groaned.
"I'm fine," he said through gritted teeth.
"Let me check- "
"Sit down, Katara."
She looked desperate. "But what if- "
"I'm not going to die because of Uncle's nonsensical ideas," he snapped.
Uncle looked affronted. "Zuko, this is not a nonsensical idea! It is our only option; it is prudent."
"Well, let's hear it," Sokka cut in confidently as Katara begrudgingly sat back down, but her eyes never left him. "Anything would be better than nothing."
Uncle smiled victoriously. "I suggest that we bring Azula into the fold. I insist on it."
Silence reigned eternally through the room as the Gaang processed what Uncle had just said until it was pierced by a recovered Sokka.
"What?" he shrieked, eyes bulging in horror. "Dragon of the West, my ass! You're a fucking fool! Nothing is better—nothing! She's tried to murder all of us! And she almost killed both Aang and Zuko!"
Katara stared at Uncle incomprehensibly. "Why? How could you suggest—no, insist on—such a thing? She'll just try to kill us again. She's the one who organized Ozai's escape!"
"Azula had nothing to do with his escape," he said adamantly, putting a swift end to that angle. "The thought occurred to me, yes, but it doesn't make sense- "
"It does make sense!" Katara snapped, blue eyes glaring at him, and Zuko felt his energy begin to return. "She was loyal utterly to that monster! And it sounds like her! She's a monster loyal to another monster!"
Zuko clenched his smoking fists beneath his desk. "We both hate him, but the only difference, the crucial difference that changed everything, is that I didn't have to live with him while I was a teenager, and I realized who I was becoming and joined Aang to stop him to end the Great War. Azula is not responsible for my father's escape."
His sister was many things and had done many things, but she would never help Father, not after he gave her a second chance. Furthermore, the timeline didn't make sense. Azula would have had to sneak back into the Caldera and journey underneath the palace, past every numerous security measure that Zuko had in place—and she had to know Father's location, which Zuko refused to share with her. And it didn't explain the spirit. And Father's invocation, the poem's language, lined up more with Father taking an active role in the process rather than relying on Azula's cunning to free him.
Katara didn't look convinced at all, but Toph cut in: "He's telling the truth, Sugar Queen."
Her words floated in the air, and Katara swallowed, looking like she just tasted lava.
"But Azula?" Sokka wondered, voice drifting in horror. "Why? Just why? She's going to kill us."
"She won't," he assured.
"Yeah," Toph hooted, leaning back. "Because I'm here. If she tries anything, I'm going to crush her."
Zuko glanced at her, seeing that she was completely serious. "You're not going to crush my sister."
"Says who?"
"Me. The Fire Lord. If you kill Azula, I will kill you.'
Silence. Even Toph looked stunned by his threat.
"You're taking her side over Toph's?" Katara demanded, aghast.
"Yes. She's my sister." He looked at Katara pointedly. "Toph is an ally, and so are you. So are all of you."
Uncle closed his eyes and massaged his forehead with his thumb and index finger. "Zuko…"
Sokka sputtered for air, eyes wide. "That bitch will kill all of us, Zuko, including you!"
He ignored him, focusing on Suki. "If I do bring her in the fold, would you accept it? Considering your history with Azula, I know it's a lot to ask, but you heard Uncle—it's the only option."
Suki stared back with resigned, clear eyes, relieving him. "She would be a great asset; she has a sharp mind and is, of course, a powerful bender," she admitted. "But that was all before her mind broke. The only one who can determine if she could be helpful is you, Fire Lord Zuko."
Zuko thought of his last conversation with Azula when he had notified her of Kuei's act of war and how when he checked the next day, all the Imperial Firebenders and chi-blockers were alive and hadn't even realized that Azula had escaped.
He smiled, feeling proud before it vanished. "She's definitely qualified. But she would make this worse; the timing is terrible."
Uncle forced a smile. "Zuko, it is the- "
"I can't afford a war on potentially two fronts, Uncle!" he shouted. "Father provokes an internal threat while I already have the external threat! If I bring Azula in, the external threat will get much more threatening!"
"I believe you overestimate the external threat- "
"After so long underestimating him, it's about time I overestimate him!"
"What are you talking about?" Sokka cut in, wonder on his face. "Or… who are talking about? Who's 'him'?"
Toph grinned. "Here we go."
Zuko didn't see any way to avoid it—and Katara's inevitable betrayal by taking Kuei's side. "I'm at war- "
"Let me say it!" Toph cut in, murky eyes almost white in glee.
"I know you're angry at us, but I wouldn't call being in the same room 'at war', Zuko," Katara said, frowning.
"It will be war if you don't let me finish," he snapped.
Toph rapidly shook her head, pleading clear on her face. "No, let me! Please. After everything I've heard Bumi say, I need to say it!"
Katara looked at Toph, suspicion clear on her face. "Say what?"
"Fire Lord?" Toph asked coyly, grin stretching over her face.
Zuko waved at her even though she wouldn't see it. "Go ahead."
"Sparky's at war with Kuei. Like war-war."
Silence.
Katara whirled on him, eyes blazing. "What is she talking about?"
Zuko scoffed. "Have your ears been so full of snow that you haven't heard what's been happening the past five months? Kuei declared war on me!"
Katara paled. "No. No, he wouldn't- "
"He did," Zuko snarled, beginning to feel revived in energy—and fury. "He wants another Great War, and he desires the blood of the Children of Fire!"
She jumped to her feet, something disbelieving and stricken on her face. "No! You're lying! You're just saying this to hurt me!"
"And even if I were, you deserve it!"
Suki gently laid a consoling hand on Katara's arm before glaring at him. "Perhaps if you explained- "
"What is there to explain?" he cried out, voice shaking from fury, ignoring Uncle's urgent suggestion to calm down. "He tried to assassinate me! Not a month has gone by in the past seven years without him sending an assassin my way!"
Katara gaped at him, deprived of speech, and Sokka leaned forward, face serious. "What did you do?"
Zuko glanced at him, stunned. "What? What did I do? I'm defending Fire from a greedy king! I'm defending my sister from a mad tyrant!"
Sokka narrowed his eyes. "Kuei is a gentle soul who would never act in such a way unless you- "
The flames that spurted out of his fists scorched his desk—and several of the papers layering it. "Fuck you. You know nothing, Prince Sokka!"
"I know the situation, Zuko!"
"Zuko," Uncle said sharply in a warning.
Zuko stood to his feet, ignoring Uncle, wishing he knew lightning. Why didn't he know lightning? Why couldn't he master it? "How many Great Gatherings have you attended? How familiar are you with the policies enforced since the end of the Great War? What do you know about the absurd reparations that Kuei's demanding? What do you know about ruling a nation? What do you know about politics? You're seven years behind, Prince Sokka! You can't talk about something that's been festering ever since I ascended the Dragon's Throne when you've had your head in the snow this whole time like a coward!"
Sokka jumped to his feet, pointing a finger at him, and Zuko narrowly refrained from reaching out and breaking that finger. "You're the coward! Kuei says you refuse to pay the reparations you owe him- "
"He's asking for more gold coins than there are Children of Fire- "
"Can you blame him?"
A hysterical laugh exploded out of him, and he did nothing to contain it. "Of course. Of course! I knew you'd take his side! Why do you think I didn't want to message you? Because I knew you'd be a fucking idiot—like you always are!"
Sokka's face was marred a terrible scowl; Zuko knew it matched the one on his face. "You're nothing more than the angry Jerkbender who chased us all over the world because he wanted his dad's love! No wonder he never gave it to you! You've clearly never deserved it!"
Silence.
He dimly noticed that Katara looked horrified and furious, yelling at Sokka, who was motioning wildly to Suki, asking for help, but that's not what he saw—not truly and utterly. Zuko saw the flaming hand—Father's hand—descend to cradle his face, inflicting agony never meant to be borne, and he snapped. He'd fought so hard to keep control, to prevent from succumbing to his emotions, the fire inside that wasn't his inner flame, and there was no more fighting; there was only release. Sokka went too far, infecting viciously a wound that would never heal, and it enraged him; he couldn't see straight, only breathe, giving life to his fire.
They'd all gone too far!
When Zuko attacked, the ground beneath his feet buckled, provoked by Toph, but he was ready, jumping in the air, torrents of flames roaring toward Sokka, who stood, frozen, eyes wide. A wall of stone rose in front of Sokka, protecting him before it surged toward him. Zuko punched through it with a roar and spun around, flames dancing around him, growing hotter and stronger.
The Imperial Firebenders burst into the room, flames summoned in their hands, directed toward the others in a warning.
"Fire Lord Zuko! Have they harmed you!"
"Stop!" Uncle roared, flames erupting from his mouth as he glared with the force of their shared lineage at the Imperial Firebenders. "Nephew, stop!" Uncle looked every bit the legend Zuko heard about as a child, but Zuko felt no respect and awe for such a legend, only discontent and betrayal that the legend dared stop him.
He stared at the water swirling around Katara and sneered: "You protect your brother, but you would condemn me for protecting my sister."
"You're not thinking straight, Zuko," Katara begged, eyes desperate, but she seemed to brace herself for further impact; he almost respected her for it.
"I'm not thinking straight because you're all here!"
"Sokka didn't mean it- "
"Yes, he did!"
"Zuko!" Uncle shouted. "Stop!"
Zuko glared at Uncle. "He deserves it!"
"You only prove what he said is true!"
Pain pierced his heart at Uncle's solemn judgment, and he stared at him, shaking his head, feeling hysterical, on the verge of madness. "You… you take his side? After what he just said? He deserves his bones blackened!"
Sokka peaked around Uncle with narrowed eyes, body trembling in fury. "Your heart is what's blackened!"
Uncle whirled on Sokka. "Silence. All of you, not a word. Mistakes have been made on both sides. You are not innocent, and neither is Zuko."
"You really do want an Agni Kai with me," he murmured, trying to process what seemed once unthinkable; he felt trapped in a haze, both exhausted and empty. "Go back to Ba Sing Se, Uncle; go to Ba Sing Se, all of you. I'm sure Kuei will treat you better than I ever could. You've made your choices."
"No, we have not," Uncle replied. "No matter what you say, we are friends here—all of us. Prince Sokka does deserve ramifications for saying such a terrible thing about which he knows nothing. But you, Fire Lord Zuko, my esteemed nephew, who reigns with grace, justice, and order atop the Dragon's Throne, deserved a cruel rebuttal for the many cruel things you have said toward Prince Sokka. You are both at fault."
"We all are," Katara added softly.
"And not only have you acted derisively to Prince Sokka," Uncle continued, "but Princess Katara, Princess Suki, and Lady Toph. Words have power, Nephew."
Unfortunately, Zuko felt himself beginning to calm down; he glanced at the Imperial Firebenders, who remained ready to fight. "Guards!"
The Imperial Firebenders all kneeled before him. "Fire Lord Zuko," they intoned.
His lips curved downwards in a frown. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen to my words." He leaned forward, looming over their inferior forms, looking every bit the monstrous Fire Lord. "Any declarations that you have heard up to this moment since this meeting began—and any declarations you hear until the end of this meeting—are never to leave your lips, nor will they ever be communicated via parchment or any way you can conceive. Do you swear?"
"Yes, Fire Lord Zuko," they all said at once, still bowed.
Zuko felt some of the tension release from his shoulders. "And you all know the consequences for a violation of your oath, of course, so I'm not going to repeat them. Leave me and return to your posts."
Still keeping their heads bowed, the guards walked out of the room, finally closing the doors once they had cleared.
Zuko sat back down, and so did everyone else—slowly.
Silence.
Toph grinned at him, but it wasn't genuine; it was shaken, and her milky eyes were wider than normal. "I told you we'd have fun, Sparky," she said, voice trembling.
Sokka continued to glare at him, and he felt its judgment pass through him. "You were going to kill me."
"I would say I regret it, but I don't," he replied, feeling almost naked; there was a void he needed to fill, but he found it unfillable. What was once there could not be there again—it was gone. "Maybe I will later."
"No wonder Kuei tried to allegedly assassinate you," Sokka mumbled, barely audible, but Katara smacked him on the back of the head.
"Bumi's on Sparky's side, Snoozles," Toph interjected, voice regaining its spunk. "And Bumi's a really good judge of character. I bet if he knew about the assassination attempts, he would have traveled to Ba Sing Se and beat Kuei's ass himself!"
"Not if I do it first," he muttered. "I'm going to beat his ass with his own skull."
"So, this war with Kuei," Suki began, voice too controlled; her eyes were frigid when they regarded him. "What happened?"
"He demanded I hand Azula over or else it's war," Zuko recounted lifelessly. "He's been after her for years. He's always held a grudge that Ba Sing Se was conquered, and he demanded its conquerors. I was forced to hand over Mai and Ty Lee, but they escaped before they arrived to be put on trial and, inevitably, executed. And I had to banish them forever publicly. But because of Azula's mental state, I was able to keep her safe."
"You weaponized her mental health," Suki said in realization.
"To save her life; she's my sister, and I did what I could to keep her safe. Kuei wants blood—specifically mine and Azula's, and anyone who has Fire's blood. But Aang's been a great help in holding Kuei off all these years. But I guess Kuei recognized that The Avatar was busy and struck when he could; he'd had enough and demanded Azula. When I refused, it was war. Kuei justified it by reciting some nonsense that the only reason I haven't handed Azula over is that I'm planning to use her as a weapon against Earth and Water—a deranged rationalization."
Katara looked anxious. "And the assassins?"
"Dead."
"No," she said, shaking her head, voice catching. "Why would Kuei try to assassinate you?"
"To destroy Fire," he answered, feeling incredibly lethargic. "If I'm killed, the only heirs acceptable are Uncle or Azula. No one would accept Azula on the Dragon's Throne, so that leaves Uncle, who is remembered only as the Dragon of the West. If he sat on the Dragon's Throne, it would be a 'justified' war. But if I survive the assassination attempt, I confront Kuei in outrage, pressuring him, which would be considered an act of aggression- "
"Which leads to war," Sokka realized, something dawning on his face.
"Or it would pressure me to send my own assassins after Kuei, which would be an act of aggression- "
"And war," Katara finished in a horrified whisper, tears in her eyes. "How could Kuei do this?"
Zuko felt old, so old. "Why else?" he whispered back. "Hatred of Fire. Everyone hates us; everyone hates me. Kuei's been trying to undermine my power and authority, my credibility as Fire Lord, ever since we met to sign that so-called treaty. He questions me at every turn and seeks to humiliate me in the eyes of the other leaders. And he persistently kept offering an insulting bride to marry me."
"His niece, right?" Toph asked knowingly, snickering slightly. "Bumi told me about that."
Suki frowned. "A political alliance would have ensured things would not have reached this point of war. You would have earned goodwill with Kuei if you married his niece and became part of the family. Why would you not secure such an alliance?"
"Because it was on Kuei's terms," Zuko answered. "It would only benefit him; it would never benefit me. It was giving him power and influence at the cost of my own, which is unacceptable. And it was an insulting match for the Fire Lord. His niece has no royal blood, related to Kuei from his other side of the family, and I've never even met her. I'm not even sure she's real, to be honest."
Zuko watched as Katara's fingers grazed her betrothal necklace—from Kuei—before they pulled back as if burned. "So, where is Azula?" she asked tightly. "You didn't surrender her to Kuei, so she's not in Ba Sing Se. Is she here in the Caldera?"
"She was until she 'escaped' the same night Kuei declared war."
Toph chuckled. "You broke your sister out of the cell that you put her in?"
"The burden of an older brother."
Sokka nodded in agreement. "I understand that, even if its particular recipient disgusts me."
Zuko didn't resent Sokka's honesty. "I understand that, too."
They shared a look, and while nothing was okay between them, especially since Sokka uttered such vicious things and Zuko almost killed him in response, it was better.
"Why not surrender Lightning Psycho and save yourself the stress?" Toph asked curiously. "I would've handed her over."
"Because she's my sister," he said simply and honestly. "She's not your family. I love her no matter what she's done to me. It may be easy for you all to scorn her very existence, hating her so fiercely that your heart begins to pound, but you don't remember as I do. I remember when we were children before our mother left, and we were true to one another, a brother and a sister raised in an environment that demanded so much, willing to do anything for one another. I know that girl is still in Azula, I know it for certain because I've seen it with my own eyes. That's why I let her escape."
Silence fell upon the room, and Katara and Sokka looked at each other. Zuko didn't care what they were thinking; he was so exhausted.
"Do you know where Azula is?" Suki asked softly. "Or did you give yourself plausible deniability?"
Zuko snorted despite his exhaustion. "If I knew it would cause Kuei to keel over and die, I would tell him Azula's location right now. Of course, I know. She's on Ember Island at my family's old house."
Katara looked devastated. "Why would you send her there where there are so many innocents?"
"No one's innocent, Katara," he retorted.
"You know what I mean."
"I sent her there because it's perfect, and maybe she could find some peace there," Zuko said with a tired shrug. "And she's not going to kill anyone; she's smarter than that. And she hasn't killed anyone when she's had five months to do so now. I would know if she killed someone. Death on Ember Island is big news. The most powerful nobles often stay there, especially at this time of year, and as Fire Lord, I'd hear about any incidents on the island."
"What if someone recognizes her?" Suki asked.
"Azula knows how to remain anonymous," Zuko said. "Think Ba Sing Se. She knows how to blend in and disappear; she just never had to use such a skill often when you encountered her."
"Stealth runs in the Fire Royal Family," Toph said in consideration. "Sparky can walk alongside you, and you would never know. Lightning Psycho was quite similar but not as good as Sparky. Not to mention Iroh here, who's pretty nimble."
Uncle smiled in thanks. "It is the tea. Although, my skills, even when I was a young man, pale in comparison to my nephew's."
"Sparky's good."
"Not as good as Aang," he reminded.
Toph snorted in agreement. "It's not even fair with Twinkletoes. He's like a shadow."
Sokka frowned, glancing at her. "Do you even know what a shadow is?"
"Of course, I do! I live in darkness!"
"But shadows are created from light."
"Damn you," she grumbled. "But it's an expression. And it's a true expression."
Silence.
Katara glanced around. "Now, what do we do?"
Zuko closed his eyes briefly and sensed Agni was at midday. "You should all eat lunch while I write Azula," he suggested, needing a reprieve. "If you go to the dining hall, the kitchen staff should already have your meals prepared."
Sokka, Suki, and Toph quickly exited, needing no convincing to depart from his presence after his earlier eruption. However, Katara and Uncle remained.
"What is it?" he sighed. "I wasn't lying; I'm going to write Azula."
Uncle smiled gently. "I am proud of you, Zuko."
He tried not to look at Katara. "I almost killed everyone; I almost killed you."
"Do you think you could kill me?"
"Yes."
Uncle nodded in consideration. "I think you could, too."
Katara stared at them in fascination. "I'm never going to understand the relationships in the Fire Royal Family. How do you so casually talk about killing each other?"
"There is a competition within those of Kai's line," Uncle responded, standing to his feet. "We worship Power. From one perspective, there is nothing more powerful than ending another's life."
"That's sick," Katara judged, face twisting. "I could never talk to Sokka about that."
Uncle only chuckled. "Perhaps you can teach Zuko your restraint; he is in need of it."
Zuko glared at him. "My restraint saved your life. What were you thinking, scolding me in front of the Imperial Firebenders? If I wasn't certain of their loyalty and discretion, I'd execute them for having such knowledge!"
"And my restraint has saved yours many times," Uncle said, and Zuko knew it was true; he deserved death many times when he was younger. "You would not execute them; you have a terrible habit of speaking violently to relieve yourself of your tension."
"I'm still up for that Agni Kai if you want me to release my tension another way," he muttered.
Uncle smiled serenely. "I have had enough action for today. Perhaps Princess Katara will spar with you, either with words or elements." He turned to Katara, who was silent. "I assume that is why you are here. You wanted to speak with Zuko, yes?"
Katara nodded. "Please." She quickly glanced at him. "If that's alright, I mean."
Zuko stared at her for several moments, trying to find the severe, overwhelming rage, but there was only the void, and he felt numb—and so exhausted. "It's alright."
Uncle smiled at him—was that a wink?—before he walked out the door, passing the Imperial Firebenders who bowed, before it shut.
He was alone in his private study with the girl he was halfway in love with when the Great War ended. He cursed Uncle's willingness to put him in awkward and likely embarrassing situations.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Katara avoided Zuko's piercing gaze by truly looking at his study, allowing it to register in her mind, and, to her surprise, it was actually quite large and decorated exquisitely, looking like it belonged to a King, which it did. Zuko sat behind his desk, and directly behind him, a large bookshelf covered the entire wall, and by his desk, there was a very comfortable couch, which was where Zuko's uncle had been seated.
For several moments, she continued to avoid Zuko, instead trying to absorb everything that had happened. A spirit freed Ozai from his cell and vanished; Azula was probably behind it, but Zuko couldn't see reason, not yet; Kuei declared war on Zuko, and Zuko had been fighting a war for the past five months; Aang was gone, and had been seen by no one in the past five months, likely unaware of the new war; Sokka was an idiot, and so was Zuko; and Toph knew more than Katara originally thought, particularly about Kuei and this new war.
How could Kuei do such a thing? It was frightening how much was hidden from her. Had her father known about Kuei's declaration of war on Zuko, or was he claiming plausible deniability to prevent the South from entering another war after so much had been done to rebuild after the Great War? She never thought the kind and naive king she met in Ba Sing Se acting so deplorable and politically but thinking about how he acted when she met him during the Great Gathering, there were changes.
Kuei was no longer the man he once was; he transformed into someone who would declare war against Zuko, pressuring him for years politically, economically, and 'morally,' and sending assassins after him—all done in a pursuit to provoke another war where the Fire Nation would be destroyed.
She couldn't marry such a man! If she stood by and did nothing while something so horrible was being done by the man to whom she was betrothed, she wasn't the person she thought she was.
"I'm sorry about Sokka," she whispered, ashamed, still in shock over what such words provoked. "And I'm sorry about Kuei. I'm sorry about everything."
Zuko glanced at her, blinking slowly like he had forgotten she was there; he looked exhausted. "Are you?"
"Yes," Katara insisted, desperate. "Sokka shouldn't have said that, and Kuei shouldn't be doing everything that he's doing. And I shouldn't have been a coward."
He said nothing in response.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I know it does nothing, that it does more for me than it does for you, and that it relieves me of my guilt but doesn't relieve you of your pain, but I don't know what else to say. What do I say, Zuko?"
Zuko looked raw, like something was missing—that deep, poisonous rage that had almost consumed Sokka—and he seemed almost lost if that were even possible. "You should just go, Katara," he whispered.
Katara swallowed and shook her head. "No. I left once. I don't think I should again, not now."
"Why do you care? None of the others do. Why do you?"
She felt the impulse to stand and pace, but she remained sitting, keeping her eyes on Zuko. "Because I care about you- "
"I think you care about making yourself feel better," he interrupted bluntly, voice empty. "You don't actually care about me, you care about yourself- "
"That's not it," Katara cut in, shaking her head, trying to keep calm. "It's not."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"I made a mistake!" she cried out. "Why can't you, of all people, accept that?"
"Of course, throwing Ba Sing Se in my face—no surprise there. That's all you have to stand on."
Katara's eyes widened before narrowing. "I'm trying to have a real conversation with you, and I'm sorry. Okay? I made a mistake."
"I made a mistake by allowing you to stay," he hissed, hands smoking. "Want to see how I fix my mistakes?"
"By ignoring them?" she snapped.
"I learned by watching you!" Zuko roared, eyes flaming, scar horrifyingly evident, and Katara took a step back as several scrolls on his desk caught on fire, but Zuko didn't seem to care. "That's all you do—ignore!"
"It is! I thought I didn't have to do anything, that everything would work out, and that I didn't have to put in the work! I thought that if I focused only on my nightmares and forgetting, it would all be okay, and my actions wouldn't impact anyone else!"
Silence.
The flames vanished, and Zuko tilted his head. "Nightmares?"
She swallowed. "You'd think it's an excuse- "
"Then I'm intrigued to hear whatever excuse you've conceived," he retorted. "Let's hear how you justify- "
"There is no justifying it; it was wrong."
"That's a good start. Keep going."
Katara wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to smile; she failed. "I wanted to forget. After everything I saw and heard and experienced, what I was forced to do, I couldn't handle it. I snapped once it was all over. I almost lost everyone multiple times. Aang almost died, and you almost died, too. And I was so powerless. Even as I healed you, it was never enough. I was too fortunate, managing to stabilize both of you, and I knew that I wasn't going to be fortunate again. What if it was Sokka next? Suki? Toph? My father? My gran-gran? And it would be like I couldn't save my mother all over again. And every night, I'd have nightmares about everything that happened and everything that could have happened, and I couldn't sleep. It was horrible, and I'm sorry. I should have been stronger, like you. I shouldn't have abandoned you and dropped contact."
His right eye widened in surprise, and, to her understanding, he clearly hadn't expected her to understand the source of his anger. She learned a lot about Zuko after she had forgiven him, and it made her actions after the Great War even more disgusting in her mind. He always expected people would never understand his feelings, and even worse, he always thought of the wickedness of everyone, refusing to acknowledge any potential good.
"Look at everything you've done," she continued. "You've resisted Kuei's attempts to pressure you into war for years, and you only succumbed when your sister's life was threatened. You have so much strength, Zuko. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong like you. All I can do is fail."
Zuko looked away from her. "I would visit my father."
She stiffened. "What?"
He glanced back at her, fingers rubbing his beard. "I would talk to him, vent my frustrations because he was there and could do nothing but listen and respond. It felt nice having someone who didn't treat me like I was Fire Lord and was afraid of me. Father would curse at me, tell me he should have smothered me in my crib, and I enjoyed it. I'd visit Azula daily, but for a long time, it wasn't the same; she wasn't there, not really. But Father was always the same, and I could be myself with him. With Azula, I had to be in control and the nurturing older brother who was looking out for her; with Father, I could voice my discontent and question the things that were happening. He even gave me advice a few times, and some it was actually helpful in dealing with Kuei. I felt no pressure interacting with him, and it was nice. I could be unrestrained and wild, able to let loose. Speaking with him gave me the confidence that I could be Fire Lord and could remain Fire Lord despite Kuei's creative efforts. It was like he was my father for the first time since before Mother left, and I sought that out, despite his attempts to encourage me to 'claim my inheritance' by killing him."
Katara never wanted to understand Ozai—because she would go insane if she did.
"And I wasn't strong enough to resist the impulse," Zuko finished, meeting her eyes.
"It's not a competition," she tried after several moments.
Zuko smirked. "If it was, you'd fail."
She felt more sorrow than amusement but forced a smile. "It sounds like my ability always to fail rubbed off on Kuei."
He sighed, face darkening. Why did she remind him of Kuei? "If this war still persists when you get married, maybe you can convince Kuei of his insanity."
"There's not going to be a marriage," she said, shaking her head.
Zuko glanced at her, startled. "That's going to make everything worse."
Katara considered it for several moments before swallowing. "It will probably get worse no matter what I do. And if this goes on for a long time, I'd rather be together with all my friend than isolated with Kuei. I'd rather be with you, my friend, than Kuei."
"We're not friends," he corrected stubbornly.
"Okay," she conceded. "But I'm staying with you as long as I must until we solve this crisis—all the crises. I'm not marrying Kuei."
"That's not your decision to make."
"It is," Katara insisted. "After everything you've revealed- "
"I could have lied about everything."
"I trust you."
Zuko stared at her, face twisting in disbelief like such a thing was an impossibility, and Katara felt mournful by such a look. "Why?"
"You may not think I'm your friend, but I think you're my friend," she whispered, standing up; she approached Zuko in his chair, reaching up to take off Kuei's betrothal necklace, and she gently handed it to Zuko, watching as his good eye widened in astonishment.
"A peace offering?" he asked, staring at the necklace. "Really?"
Katara crossed her arms under her breasts for comfort. "That's not the reason- "
"But it's working," Zuko admitted begrudgingly.
She smiled in relief. "I never wanted to marry him. It was a political match to- "
"To ensure Sokka becomes Chief of both the North and South," he finished.
"You knew?"
"Of course. I have my agents and informants who let me know the information I need to know. And Kuei couldn't stop bragging about it at the Great Gathering. And Aang told me."
Something cold gripped her heart. "How is he? Really? Aang, I mean- "
"I know," he assured almost gently, and it was a remarkable change. Once she got past his vicious emotions, she saw more and more of the true Zuko. "Aang is complicated."
"Do you really not know where he is?"
"I don't," Zuko confirmed, and something both loosened and tightened inside her. "I would have never written you if I knew where he was. If I had to, I would have traveled to wherever he's at and dragged him back here to help me. I think he's in the Spirit World."
Katara nodded. "That does seem like the likeliest explanation."
Silence.
After several moments of looking at her, Zuko glanced down at Kuei's betrothal necklace, held in his hand. His fingers curled around the stone and fabric, and his hand glowed, and she flinched at the sudden sound of cracks before the necklace exploded in his hand, shards flying in different directions.
"Agni, that felt good," Zuko said, small laughs escaping him, and his face was less severe than she had seen it since she arrived; he was inspecting his hand, which leaked slightly with blood—from the shards. "Even if it gave me another scar, it was worth it."
Katara's eyes widened. "Another scar?"
"Some assassins got closer than others."
It felt hard to breathe. "How close?"
Zuko stared at her for several moments before sighing; he reached to the back of his neck and swept his hair back. She saw it immediately—a deep jagged scar extended across the curve of his neck, disappearing into the hair on the back of his head.
She blinked away her sudden tears. "How did it happen?"
He let go of his hair, which returned to its natural position, covering the wound like it was never there. "The knife came at me, aimed for my throat, and I moved and twisted at the last second, which saved my life," he said with a casualness that Katara could never feel; he spoke like it was insignificant, like it was nothing. "I killed her and cauterized the wound."
"Her?" she whispered, something occurring to her. "Was it Mai?"
Zuko blinked. "No."
She swallowed and blinked away the mist in her eyes; she pulled out water, and her hands glowed. "I can heal your hand—if that's okay."
He stared at her before nodding. "Probably better than cauterizing it."
Katara cringed, remembering the distinct cauterizing effect on his deep jagged scar across the side and back of his neck. "Please don't tell me that's the method you've used to heal yourself from all the assassination attempts."
"Okay."
She didn't feel better, but she took his hand it healed it. "What about the one on your neck?"
"It's too old- "
"Please," she whispered. "Just let me try. It's the least I can do."
Zuko was quiet before nodding. "I wouldn't make the end of your betrothal to Kuei official until- "
"I think you made it official," Katara dared tease as she held her glowing hands over his hand, trying not to focus on how close she was to him. "I'm 'getting rid' of the evidence right now."
He glanced down at her, unimpressed. "Just keep pretending like you're his betrothed. I really want this war over so I can focus on my father. You can tell the others but try not to be obvious. Gossip, unfortunately, goes together with politics, and I know Kuei has informants in the Caldera who will report back to him anything heard."
She finished healing his hand and moved to his neck, knowing she wouldn't be able to do much for such an old injury, but she still tried. "I trust your judgment on the situation, Fire Lord."
"As you should."
Katara sighed as she pulled away from his neck, displeased. "I wasn't able to do much—only fade it a little bit."
Zuko didn't look surprised. "That's alright."
She stared at him, looking at the crease on his forehead. "How's your hangover?" she asked softly.
"Is it that obvious?"
"It was until you tried to kill Sokka."
Zuko's golden eyes looked away from her. "I'm starting to regret it if it's any consolation."
"It is," Katara whispered, still feeling the remnants of her terror and disbelief from those moments; she had mistakenly thought she could control the situation, but she was wrong. "But you should tell that to Sokka."
"I'll tell him my regret when he tells me his regret for saying that dragonshit."
She sighed in defeat, knowing such a conversation would likely never take place. "I've apologized for him. Would that be enough?"
"No. You would apologize for Sozin if you loved him."
Katara rolled her eyes, choosing not to take offense. "If I loved Sozin, I would have killed him out of love, unable to bear him turning more and more into a monster."
Zuko's eyes narrowed suddenly, and she prepared herself. "And that's what you think I should have done with Azula?"
She hesitated. "Well, it would have been a solution- "
"Why would I kill my sister, even out of love?"
"She almost killed you! And Aang! And she would have if it weren't for me!"
Zuko's golden eyes were dark and furious. "You don't understand- "
"You don't understand!" she cried out, breathing intensifying as the memories, so many of which featured in her nightmares, returned. "You weren't there! You were unconscious! You didn't have to see you just lying there lifelessly! You didn't feel that fear- "
"I felt terrified that she was going to kill you!"
"I was terrified that she had killed you! And she kept coming and coming, and I didn't get a chance to stop, only feel and react, and I was fighting her the whole time, not knowing if I was going to return to a corpse!"
Zuko squeezed his eyes shut. "I appreciate your candor, Princess Katara, but it is no longer needed. Go to the dining hall and enjoy yourself amongst your friends."
Katara's eyes widened in dismay, tears in her eyes—both from the memories of facing Azula and having to save Zuko's life and from the regression in talking with Zuko. "No, don't go back to formality- "
"You need to go."
"No, I- "
"I will order the Imperial Firebenders to escort you out," he warned, voice adamant, eyes still furious. "I'm willing to throw you out myself."
Katara shook her head. "Listen. I didn't mean- "
"Guards!"
The Imperial Firebenders surged into the room, and Katara knew the situation was out of control.
"Yes, Fire Lord Zuko?"
Zuko didn't even look at her as he returned to his chair. "Princess Katara doesn't know her way around the palace and fears getting lost. One of you needs to escort her to the dining hall."
"Of course, Fire Lord Zuko."
Katara stared at him gratefully, relieved he didn't try to humiliate her. "Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko. Your thoughtfulness and kindness are more than I deserve."
Zuko didn't respond nor look at her as she was escorted out of the room. Some headway was made, but she knew she had a long way to go.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Well, that's all for this one. Please pray for the victims who were a part of the Las Vegas shooting.
**Ozai escapes via summoning a spirit—"Kindly Vaatu"—to his cell, and Zuko is frantic, understandably due to his war with Kuei, and Aang hasn't been seen in months! After Iroh shows up, Zuko succumbs to the logic of writing to the rest of the Gaang, who show up, producing a very tense atmosphere—because Zuko is very, very bitter.
**Yes, I changed a few things up regarding Katara and Sozin's Comet. It really makes no sense that Katara was chosen to go with Zuko to fight Azula; the logical choice was Toph, who could contain Azula, who had no Dai Li to distract her. I really like that Katara was the choice, but there needs actually to be a sensible reason. So, I made it so that it was a Full Moon during Sozin's Comet, which would be the reason why Katara went with Zuko rather than helping take down the airships, knowing she would be empowered by the Full Moon (nowhere near to the degree of a Firebender of Sozin's Comet, but it gives her a little boost that she desperately needs when facing a Firebender of Azula's caliber, even when Azula is in the process of losing her mind). It being a Full Moon makes it more believable that Katara could defeat Azula during Sozin's Comet and heal something like lightning striking Zuko in the chest—the heart. And it works with the symbolism of having Fire (Zuko) and Water (Katara) uniting against Azula while Sozin's Comet and the Full Moon were there.
**Honestly, I have always thought that it strange how Li and Lo were allowed access to Azula, tutoring her in the art of firebending when they themselves weren't even Firebenders, so I came up with the thought that they were Sozin's bastard daughters.
Also, was I the only one who thought that Fire Lord Sozin himself was strange, a surplus of paradoxical contradictions? From what we know, he had no siblings and was crowned Fire Lord in his early twenties, while Avatar Roku was mastering the other elements, but Azulon, his heir, wasn't born for about fifty-plus years, during the very same year as the Air Nomads' genocide. The main job of the king—or dictator or ruler or monarch or whatever—is to pass on the crown successfully to worthy heirs borne of his own body so that the dynastic succession is secure, but Sozin didn't do that, did he? He waited for literal decades to create his heir. So, I created the whole thing about how his first marriage resulted in only Lo and Li, failures in the eyes of virtually everyone and no one else. But Sozin loved his Fire Lady and refused to put her aside. I kind of based the situation on King Richard II of England. His queen, Anne of Bohemia, failed to get pregnant after almost twenty years of marriage, and she died childless from the plague in 1394. But for all of those years of marriage, all accounts show that Richard II never strayed from her and truly loved her based on multiple historical records that I've read, and he never sired any bastards.
And I think it makes Sozin a lot more psychologically complex and compelling rather than just the good-guy-gone-bad route, so I made an emphasis on his family and how he loved his family, even though he pushed his family immensely hard to be the best, to be worthy of the legacy he left them. It does bring similarities with Zuko to the forefront, I think, and I thought it was an interesting theme, which is why Iroh discusses it with Zuko.
**About Katara: eight-plus years have passed since the show, and she's been in the Southern Water Tribe ever since. She hasn't been forced to grapple with hard things in-person like Zuko, truly – and don't even get me started on Aang, who has to rebuild his entire people and deal with the realization that he is utterly alone. Katara had nightmares because who wouldn't after everything experienced in the Great War? However, unlike Zuko and Aang, who are relied on by so many people to do a specific job, Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Suki all have the luxury of returning home and getting to escape everything, pretending, kind of, that it never happened. Because of it, Katara hasn't had as much growth compared to Aang and Zuko, both of whom have more regressed than progressed, but she's more the same, more static. Since it was heavily implied that Katara watched her mother's murder, which means a "charred, steaming body," what else did she see in the Great War? More such corpses would provoke her memory of her mother, triggering stress constantly, but she couldn't afford it during the Great War, so she pushed it away, doing what she could to help stop Ozai. But when that's all over, when the distraction ended (a running theme, isn't it?), Katara can do nothing but let the memories take her—and the nightmares begin.
I felt the show didn't do a good enough job depicting the sheer impact of a war that's been so brutal that it lasted a century. Sure, it mentions the Air Nomad Genocide, but it more shamelessly brushes around that, and doesn't take it into account when talking about Aang and how he would actually act. And so, when Katara watches her mother murdered before her eyes, it's going to impact her severely, which we see in the show. But because she's never really dealt with what happened, it means that all the other horrors she's seen, heard, and inflicted would compound in her psyche when the Great War ends. To be blunt, Katara couldn't cope with everything that happened, understandably so. But because of it, she failed to keep up with Aang and Zuko—and so did Sokka, Suki, and Toph for many of the same reasons. Let's be real: they were all children—"young; so young; too young"—who had no business ever being part of the Great War. What kind of impact does that have after they were in the heart of the War, at the forefront, seeing things that no child should ever see? I think the impact is fucking massive psychologically, and I wanted to show that.
Yes, she and the rest of the Gaang did pretty much abandon Aang and Zuko because, honestly, based on the character development in Canon, and since they were children on top of that and thus very immature and not emotionally intelligent, it's something that could happen. Sokka and Katara were seriously considering leaving Aang to find their father with Bato, never even thinking about how that would potentially make Aang feel, and that kind of forced his hand to hide the letter. Suki honestly didn't know either of them and would easily follow Sokka wherever he went, because let's face it, they would probably become married after the Great War had ended—and in this story, that is exactly what happened. Toph was consistently shown to think of herself first and not others, and that's something that she will deal with in this story.
As for Aang and Katara dating, I honestly don't understand. Aang was a child and Katara was just as much one, too. Children don't know what they want, or who they want. The Kataang endgame is a fantasy-like conclusion, but that doesn't always happen in real life, and they, as their characterizations have dictated, don't mesh together. Aang, since he is eight years older now, no longer needs a mom, and that's who Katara is. And most importantly, they need to understand each other, and they can't do that. Their experiences are wholly different, and they honestly have nothing truly in common besides being a bender and fighting in the Great War. Although Katara lost her mom, she can't even understand how he feels about the Air Nomad Genocide and feeling truly alone. She still had her entire Tribe, her father before he had left to join the Great War, and her brother, and everyone she ever meets will be 'of her time' while Aang likely is always going to view people, at first, as 'of the wrong time'. To be blunt, Aang would rather live in the past because the past was better—because the Air Nomads were alive in the past. He's going to view anyone he meets in the 'present' as second-rate in comparison to those he 'grew up with' in his time.
Furthermore, I find it much more compelling that Aang views Katara as his mother, and, because of the way he was raised, misinterpreted his feelings as that of a lover or something—because he didn't know what a mother was or what having a mother meant. He had no other way of expressing those feelings, for he literally didn't have the playbook on any of that, raised by the Air Nomads, who never were able to explain things to him because he was so young. Remember, Aang was only twelve when the Genocide happened; he only has twelve years of culture and education in his head, despite being The Avatar. He didn't get to the higher levels of understanding—and that's part of the fucking cataclysm that is the Air Nomad Genocide. I'm not sure many people understand the monumental impact of that event, which culminates in Aang being alone as a child with a child's understanding of things. It's a wonder Aang didn't disintegrate or something—or disintegrate the world in his wrath. Well done (*slow clapping*), Aang.
And Katara viewing Aang as her son makes so much more sense. And if she kissed him after the Great War, it was a desperate attempt to convey how proud she was of Aang, giving her 'son' a 'reward' for doing the impossible. Pretty fucked up and psychologically disturbing, I know, but with everything that was happening in the Great War, it's pretty mild in comparison.
So, for me, that's why Azula, if a 'pairing' is needed for Aang, is the only logical conclusion. She was completely alone, too. Her father was a monster, her uncle had never shown her the care that he did for Zuko, and Zuko eventually left her after the Day of Black Sun, and most importantly, her mother left. At the end of the tv show, at least to me, it was a motif between Aang and Azula: they were both shown completely alone in multiple ways—physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
I will freely admit that an Aang and Katara story can work, it would be incredibly difficult, and it would take incredible analysis psychologically and compelling and clever writing, but if written correctly, it could work. I'm not confident that I could do that and, frankly, as you can see above, I don't think it's logical, and I don't like it.
I know that it might seem out of character to have Hakoda forcing Katara to marry Kuei, but I think it makes sense, especially politically, with Sokka having a chance to be Chief of both Tribes—a rarity beyond rarities. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and Hakoda pursues it while doing the best he can for Katara. With the political climate after the Great War, it seems quite obvious to me that the other nations would resent Fire, specifically the fact that Fire wasn't conquered. The Avatar—a god—had to intervene in mortal affairs and put a stop to it. That denotes Fire's 'supremacy,' to be blunt. Fire was going to win the Great War, and nothing could stop them—except The Avatar. Water and Earth couldn't beat Fire, so they try to mimic the Fire Nation, trying to strengthen themselves politically to prevent anything like the Great War from happening again. What is the obvious difference between the political leaders? The Fire Lord is absolute—an autocrat. However, the Earth Kingdom, in this, has four kingdoms, four city-states if you will reign over an allotted amount of Earth Kingdom territory; there are four kings, meaning no autocrat. And the Water Tribes are splintered down the middle, separated by vast distances, resulting in two Chiefs and two semi-separate ways of life culturally, meaning no autocrat. The simple solution is to mimic the Fire Nation, perceiving the root cause as the Fire Lord—because the Fire Lord is on a lot of people's minds because everyone blames Sozin for everything that went wrong. So, each nation is trying to get its own autocrat—a single Chief of Water and single King of Earth to go with a single Lord of Fire. Hakoda gets more successful than Kuei. Earth is stubborn while Water is mutable, remember?
Also, based on historical context, just because Katara was able to change Pakku's mind, which was only because the elder Waterbender had a thing for Katara's grandmother, doesn't mean that she could change an entire culture—quite the opposite, actually. If anything, she would provoke a tightening of the cultural norms. Water is mutable, but the North proves itself to be no mutable at all, quite rigid in its customs—which have reasons rooted in experience and historical reality, so they can't be just easily brushed aside. After Katara 'convinced' Pakku to teach her, you didn't see any other girls training with Pakku when we know that there were plenty in the Healing Huts who would love to try what Katara was doing. For many centuries, the Water Tribes have had those customs and that would be hard to reverse. I know that some of you think that Kanna would put a stop to those nonsensical traditions, but some of the Northern Tribe journeyed to the Southern. Most of them were likely men who sought a higher position of authority and, thus, would outvote Kanna because the Water Tribes are a community, and communities are usually a majority. They would appeal to Hakoda as a man because he is the Chief and does have the final say, and Hakoda would eventually relent because it wouldn't be good for future negotiations if Hakoda shunned the new tribesmen.
About Katara 'submitting' to her father's order: it's really her only choice, especially if she doesn't want to distance herself from Sokka, who's relying on her agreement to marry Kuei to become Prince of the North.
I hope you all enjoyed it! Please, leave a review and tell me what you thought of it!
Stay Safe
ButtonPusher
