Time jump: 4 months

Olivia was currently sitting in the clinic waiting room, for her name to be called. Stabler and Carisi sat on either side of her, with Fin next to Stabler. Each currently reading some maternal magazines. Olivia didn't want to even fathom what the other patients were imagining.

"I don't get it." Carisi muttered.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"The baby is in your stomach for 9 months right?"

Olivia nodded. "I think it's ten months."

"But why is it that when they are born those ten months don't count." He was genuinely confused.

"What?" Fin snorted.

"You are technically 9-10 months old when you are born." Carisi stated.

"Actually you can't officially confirm the fetus is living until after four months." Stabler blurted out. "So you'd be 5-6 months old."

"And this is why I didn't want either of you to come with me." Olivia grumbled. "Why did you bring them?"

Fin pulled an innocent look. "They ambushed me in the elevator and demanded I tell them where you were. It was two against one Liv. Not much I could do."

For the past four months, Olivia had been feeling off. Morning sickness, weird cravings, and mood changing. She'd snap at her team for no reason and cry for the stupidest of things. She knew what that usually added up to.

Either she had a weird case of some flu. Or she was with child. A child fathered by Rafael Barba. She had attempted to keep it hidden for as long as she could, but Fin caught her one too many times evicting her lunch. She played it off at the flu, but he wasn't stupid. Fin had gone as far as buying her a pregnancy test to clear all doubts. After the fifth test, there was no denying it, but they decided on the ultrasound to clear all minds.

She understood why Carisi and Fin were here with her, but…glancing at Elliot she wondered why he came. Ever since he found out she knew about Barba's 'job' he made it his job to voice his dislike for the man. After their argument a few days ago he had taken it down a notch, but she couldn't help but think he had some agenda against Barba.

"Ms. Benson?" A young male doctor called from the door. He had pretty green eyes that reminded her of Barba.

Getting up from the chair, she had to stop all three males from following. "Don't even think about it."

"Please follow me."

Taking in a deep breath, she followed him into one of the rooms. Laying on the bed, the doctor gently lifted her shirt uncovering her stomach. Her eyes were focused on the ceiling while trying to keep her breaths even. Why was she nervous? She had no clue. Olivia yelped at the sharp coldness from the gel.

"Sorry, should have warned you." He chuckled.

Rolling her eyes, she turned to face the black and white screen to her side. Seeing nothing, her illusions and plans began crumbling down. Then she heard it. Incredible how the sound of a heartbeat can cause so much joy and love.

"And there it is." Staring at the screen, she felt the tears slip. That was her baby. Their baby. "Strong heartbeat. You are just a little over five months." He pulled back and turned to her. "Would you like to know the sex?"

She thought for a moment. She could wait and be surprised by it. But she also wanted to get all the things her baby was going to need. She was kidding to herself if she thought she could wait. "Yes."

Printing out the photo, he circled something in the photo. "It's a baby girl."

Wrapping her arms over her stomach, she knew she was probably grinning like a maniac. "Thank you." Before walking back out she sent Fin a quick text asking him to send Elliot and Carisi away.

'They are gone.'

Fin looked up to see her glowing at him. She had a huge smile on her lips and her eyes were filled with joy. "So?"

"It's a girl." She laughed.

Fin swooped her up in his arms. "Congratulations Liv."

"A little girl." She whispered.

Fin stepped back beaming down at her stomach. "Text Barba yet?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to tell him over text. He should be calling in a few days, I'll tell him then."

Over the last months, Barba had kept in touch with her and Noah. Usually calling them once a month and texting here and there. His number was never the same, but he made sure he was always reachable. He still refused in telling her where he was or what he was doing.

"It's past two, how about we get lunch?" Fin offered. "My treat."

"Sound good."

"Any ideas on the nursery?" Fin asked.

They had stopped by a small pizzeria a few blocks from the clinic. Olivia was currently picking at her second slice, lost in thought.

"No." She sighed. "Luckily the loft has three bedrooms. Noah has been begging to move into the guest room, he hates going up and down the stairs. I'll swap them out."

Fin took a bite of his pizza, sitting back with a hum. "What's the theme?"

"I don't know, hadn't thought about it yet." She replied. "I have to move Noah first and get everything out of the guest room."

"The squad is coming over now." Fin held up his phone, showing the group chat. "It's Friday and we aren't on tomorrow or Sunday. Rollins can help with the shopping, while Carisi, Amaro, Elliot, and I work on the rooms."

"I am not going to take over the squads weekend Fin." She chuckled. "I'll get some movers an-"

"It's already set Liv." Fin cut her off. "I just asked help for today, they were the ones to offer the weekend."

Liv was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. She looked away trying to stop the tears from falling. How she got lucky with such a family was beyond her.

"What's the word on Barba?" Fin asked.

Olivia shrugged. "He won't say."

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head waving him off. "We both knew this would be hard. He wouldn't be around and I wouldn't see him. But there are times where I wonder if this is even worth it."

Fin lowered his pizza with a worried look. "You don't believe that do you?" Getting no response, he leaned forward. "Liv, I haven't seen you the way you are with him with anyone else. Defend him the way you do. Shit, you've gone after Stabler for bad talking Barba."

Olivia chuckled. "I love him, there is no doubt in that. But, a part of me wonders if it's not right. He's giving up a lot for me."

"You talking about his job?" Fin asked.

"He told me the thought of leaving the organization had never crossed his mind." Olivia said. "I was so wrapped up in being with him I didn't take into consideration everything he was doing or had done for me. Us. He is giving up his entire world for me. Giving up what he has been his whole life for me. I feel like I'm taking his identity from him."

Fin leaned back in the chair with a low whistle. "That isn't something I can answer. All I can offer you, in this case, is my support and advice. What you just told me, tell him. See what he has to say." He raised a hand in a wait gesture. "But there is one question you have to ask yourself. Would you still be able to stand by his side, if he were to stay with them? Knowing he does what he does."

Was she? Was she able to look past that? Knowing that he'd be coming home with blood on his hands. "I don't know."

Time jump:

Olivia watched as the men entered and exited her home with furniture. They refused to let her help as they moved things in and out. Friday they focused on taking everything out of the guest room and fixing up the room the way Noah wanted. Saturday she was supposed to go shopping with Amanda for the nursery but turned out Amanda and Melinda had decided to make it a surprise nursery. So she spent the entire Saturday with Noah out in the city. While the men focused on painting the room and the woman finished the shopping. She did draw the line at the clothes and items her baby would need.

It was now Sunday and while the squad finished the nursery, she and Noah focused on the small things. Noah pushed the cart filled with bottles, bibs, towels, blankets, and everything essential item you could think of. Olivia pushed the one filled with diapers, wipes, bath items, and a few items for Noah and herself.

"What about this one?" Noah held up a onesie with a horse playing the guitar. "I like it and it's purple."

She wanted to cringe but ended up nodding. "Toss it in." She hoped it would get lost in the number of clothes and never be seen in public.

She had decided on getting clothes from newborn to 8months. She had picked up a few storage bins to organize and store the clothes they wouldn't be using for a while. But it beats not having them knowing just how quickly a baby grew up. With Noah, she blinked a few times, and boom he was already running.

"Can I go see the toys?" Noah jumped up and down excitedly pointing at the isle in front of them. "Please!"

"Okay, I'll be right here." She gestured to the baby clothes. "Don't wander off anywhere else."

"Okay!" And he was off.

Picking a few sets, she was interrupted by her phone. Fishing it out of her purse, she didn't even bother to look at the id. "Benson."

'Why such a cold greeting?'

A smile appeared on her face as soon as she heard his voice. "You think you deserve a warm one?"

'I was thinking more along the lines of sexy, but yeah we'll go your way.'

"I'm in public."

'That's never stopped us before.'

Her eyes darted around grateful no one was around. "How are you?"

'Better now.' There was a loud crash in the background.

"Rafa, what was that?"

'James playing golf.' He chuckled. 'Missed the cup, hit the window.'

"You're playing golf?"

'No, James is. I'm standing on the side trying not to get hit.' There was a slight pause. 'The men tell me you went to the clinic a few days ago. Are you alright?'

She closed her eyes groaning inwardly. "Yeah, I had the stomach flu." She had forgotten about them. After having them watch over her and Noah for so long, they became a part of her daily routine. "Nothing to worry about. I was given some meds and ordered bed rest."

'And are you in bed now?'

"Of course."

'Oli-'

"Mom can I get this toy!" Noah appeared at her side holding a remote cop car in the air. "Please!"

With Barba:

"You're in bed huh." He scoffed with a chuckle.

'I may have snuck out.' She mumbled. 'Yes, Noah.'

Noah's excited yes caused him to chuckle. "Listen, I have to be in New York soon. I was hoping you would join me for dinner." Barba removed the phone from his ear, placing it on speaker.

'Rafael Barba are you asking me out on a date?'

"That's exactly what I'm doing Captain Benson." He quickly spun the right and reached for the man's shoulder, tossing him against another table filled with bottles.

"I would love to."

He knew she heard that as well. "I have to go before James breaks another window." Hearing the small bye, he hung the phone up. Picking the man up by his hair he growled. "Did you not see me talking to my wife? Or did you just not care?" Slamming his knee into the man's face Barba let him fall to the floor. "Where's the respect nowadays."

"Your fault for calling her during a job." Carmen walked out with two others. "Are these all of them?"

"I had to call her." Barba reached for one of them, tossing him to the ground next to the other. "I was supposed to call her yesterday, but we had that thing."

"But seriously in the middle of a raid?" She scoffed, tossing her captured man to the ground. "You could have at least waited until we were done."

"What's done is done." He grumbled. "Let's focus on this."

"Something I wonder if you're truly as smart as they say."

Time jump: Later that day.

Olivia was led into her place blindfolded. "I don't understand why I needed to cover my eyes before entering the loft. You could have just closed the nursery door." There was a moment of pause before the blindfold was removed. The bright lights caused her to wince slightly.

"Elliot wanted it to be a surprise." Rollins did a small eye roll. "I told him it was stupid."

Olivia chuckled. "It's…sweet."

"Mom!" Noah yelled from the top of the stairs. "Come see!"

"I'm coming baby." Olivia leaned over to Amanda. "Who did what?"

"The men just painted and built." Rollins whispered back. "Melinda and I set everything up."

Filling them up the steps and into the hallway she stood in front of the closed door. On the door was painted purple/violet. The edges were painted to look like vines and small white flowers. In the middle was written Anai's paradise.

"How did you know I was going to name her Anai?" Olivia asked.

Amanda smiled proudly. "You once told me that if you had a daughter, you'd name her Anai. I figured you still would."

Elliot hummed "Anai Bens-"

"Barba." Olivia spoke out of reflex. "Anai Barba." Grabbing the handle she pushed the door open and gasped. "It's beautiful."

The room truly was a paradise. The walls were painted halfway across the room. The baseboard was left white, as well as the half bottom of the walls. A long silver-gray dresser sat under neither the large window. The drapes were a dark royal purple with white thin curtains underneath, they elegantly draped to the side creating a U shape over the dresser. On the wall to its left was the closet taking up the entire wall. Sliding the door she found all of the clothes hanging up. On the floor was all her extra stuff needed. Turning to her right she found the silver-colored changing table with a light-colored rocking chair in the corner. Just next to that was a small bookcase with multiple books.

But the piece that stole all her attention was the crib. It was a silver/gray crib with a large headboard pushed up against the wall. The markings of the flowers and designs were hand-carved. A canopy in the shape of a crown hung over the crib. The curtains attached to the crown were different shades of purple.

"Like it?" Noah was excited to see what his mother thought.

"I love it." She turned to the squad and Elliot. "Thank you, I don't know what else to say but that."

"Don't need to say anything." Amaro pulled her into a hug. "Just like when Noah came into your life, we will be here with you."

"That's our baby now." Carisi humphed.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at the younger man. "Rollins give you caffeine today?"

"I didn't give him anything." Rollins grumbled. "Nick snuck it in for him."

"It was either caffeine or hear him whine all day." Nick scoffed. "I for one rather not deal with that. He's your man. Your problem."

Seeing Carisi twitch from the overdose of caffeine Rollins huffed. "Not for long."