Time jump: 4 months
James walked into the room to find Carmen standing by the window. "You still mad I see."
"No, I'm beyond mad." She snipped. "But he's going to be worse than me when he finds out."
"Mm." Both looked towards the bed at the groaning man.
Barba groaned at the pounding in his head. Raising a hand to his hair, he frowned at how long it felt. Blinking his eyes open, he glanced around the room. "Where the hell am I?"
"Safehouse," Carmen answered.
Barba frowned. "Safehouse? Why?"
"What do you remember?" James asked.
"Uh, snips only." He tried thinking back to before his blackout. "If you want to know if I remember who did this, the answer is yes. Do I remember what he did? Yes. Do I on-" He sprung up only to fall back with a yell of pain.
"Jesus Rafael!" Carmen scowled at him. "I would think you'd remember the wounds."
"He called Olivia during it all." Barba whispered. "Made her listen up until the end. I need to talk to her."
Carmen glanced at James with a 'go ahead' look. "Tell him."
Barba looked up at them with a curious look. "Tell me what?"
James sighed. Might as well rip the bandage off. "Rafael Barba was declared dead 4 months ago. Olivia and everyone else believes you no longer live."
"What?!" Barba yelled. "Why the fuck would you do that?!"
"You need to understand, that until we get the man that is targeting agents you can not be seen alive." James explained. "You being dead is our only leverage right now. They will turn their attention to something else." He stopped Barba before he could say anything else. "We have men watching Olivia and Noah. We will not let them out of our sights."
"Olivia will never forgive me for deceiving her in this way." Barba hit his fist against his forehead. "Do you have any idea the pain you caused her? She thinks I'm dead!" He scoffed. "Fuck James! She's carrying my child!"
"Barba I know-" He gapped at his agent. "She's what?"
"Olivia is pregnant." Carmen repeated.
"How?!"
Barba raised a brow. "You want details."
"Alright, we have only two options here." James was seriously about to lose his job. "We keep this as it is. You remain dead to everyone. Up until we deal with Wheatley. Or-"
"I'm going to stop you right there." Carmen said. "How about we bring Olivia to a secluded place and let Barba explain all of this?" She rolled her eyes at James's childish behavior as he shook his head. "James, Olivia has shown time after time she can be trusted. She knows more about us than we like, she might as well be in the loop."
"We can't risk it." James growled. "Wheatley can not know Rafael is alive."
"And he won't." Barba snapped. "Olivia doesn't know who did this, but I assure you she will find out. She won't let this go. Which means she will get in your way."
Knowing he was outnumbered, he finally caved. "Fine! Do whatever the fuck you want. But make sure she keeps her mouth shut and stays clear of our way."
Carmen grinned. "Happy." She patted his covered legs.
"I'm going to die." He murmured.
"What?"
"After getting over the shock of seeing me alive, she's going to shoot me." Barba stated.
Carmen shrugged. "At least this time she'll be sure you're dead."
"That's not funny." He mind wandered back to what James said. "4 months?"
"What?"
"James said I was declared dead 4 months ago." Barba glanced at Carmen. "How long ago did I get shot?"
"You have been slipping in and out of a coma for 4 months Rafael. You always woke up, but never longer than a day or two. The knife they used on you was dipped in some unknown liquid. Doctors caught like hell to stop your organs from shutting down. Whatever the liquid was, it was killing you from the inside."
"I need to see Olivia." Barba sat up with a groan. "Now Carmen."
For once she didn't fight him. Instead, she tossed him some clothes and got the car ready. She texted one of the guards asking for Olivia's location. Barba stumbled into the car, falling back with a sigh. Without saying anything, she drove him to the location.
She pulled up in front of a restaurant. "She's right there."
Barba leaned forward, spotting her immediately. His attention was drawn to her stomach. It was big. "She's about 8 months right?"
"Yeah, she's been keeping me posted on the developments." Carmen smiled. "Anai Barba, that's what she's naming her."
Barba swallowed the lump in his throat. He scanned the table she was at. Fin, Amaro, Amanda, and Carisi sat with her. They were laughed. Living their lives. He caught how Olivia caressed her belly, a bright smile on her face. He couldn't take that away from her.
"Drive."
Carmen did a double-take. "What?"
"Let's go."
"Rafael, what are you doing?"
"She's happy." He whispered. "For the first time since me, she is truly happy. We lived some wonderful times and I am madly in love with her. But I have caused her more pain than anyone. I can't keep doing that to her."
"You truly believe she will be happier without you?" Carmen couldn't believe this man. He was going to just throw it all away. "You're going to let your daughter grow up without her father? And what about Noah? That's it."
"Don't you see the pattern?! This will continue to happen until I get the fuck out of this! As long as I am in the organization I can't give her what she deserves." Barba felt pitiful at the moment. "I go there and we have a moment. We live happily for a day or two, then it all goes out the window. Something always interferes with us. She never looked that way with me. There was always the worry of what would happen next."
"And when this is over?" Carmen asked. "When you are finally out? What then?"
"I remain in the shadows. I will always be there for her, even if she doesn't know it."
With a sigh Carmen started the car, driving past the group. Barba watched for as long as he could, a piece of him staying with her.
Time jump: Due date
When the labor began the pain was much more intense than anything she had ever imagined. Nothing could be more brutal, not whips or chains. The room consisted of a bed and four walls, the nurses melting into the background as if they weren't even there. Is there anything more isolating than intense pain? Doesn't pain lock us in as effectively as any prison? The pain of labor was a prison for my mind. In that jail cell of fear and confusion, time passed without her being able to keep track.
Her stomach tightens, causing her entire body to go rigid. With each contraction came a pain that dominated her entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. Olivia could hear screaming from other rooms, yet she didn't let herself make any noise. When the pain passed it was only for a minute or so and she breathed with closed eyes, unwilling to re-engage with life outside of her own body.
The room might as well have been empty for all the awareness she had, and when they did talk, touch, gain her attention, she found it so hard. To reply Olivia had to find herself from the deepest recess of her own mind and drag herself forward, to use her voice and open her eyes.
The doctor was telling her that it was time, time to push. With a guttural grunt she did so and was told to stop, one was enough. She felt her baby girl crowning, the hot stretching of flesh and she held her breath. Without any further effort, the baby slid into the hands of the doctor.
When her child was born, it was as if only sunshine existed in the world, as if all the earth was ushered into harmony. Falling back into the bed, trying to regain control over her breathing and heartbeat, one of the nurses handed her, her daughter. Holding her gently in her arms, she grinned. Olivia looked into those new eyes, new consciousness, perfect and reaching out for her love. In that instant, she knew she would do anything to protect her child, that her love was as vast as the universe yet solid as a rock. She was her mother and would always be.
"What will you name her?" One of the nurses asked.
She ran her hand gently over her head. She already had a full set of hair, soft and short. "Anai, I will name her Anai Barba."
Barba walked through the hallways of the hospital. Turning towards the maternity wing, he stopped just outside the nursery. His eyes scanned the group of babies, looking for his daughter.
"Who are you here to see?" One of the nurses had spotted him.
Barba was startled. "Oh, ah-Anai Barba."
"Ahh, our newest baby." She walked into the room, picking up the baby girl closest to the window.
Barba looked at the sleeping girl in awe. She was perfect. Snapping a picture of his daughter, he wanted to ask to hold her. Smell her. Kiss her, but as always things got in the way. Hearing the voices of Olivia's squad, he gave his daughter one last glance before walking away. With each step he took, his heart died. He was not only walking from the love of his life but from his own flesh and blood.
Time jump: 3 years
Olivia sat on the bench, watching Anai run up the little stairs and slid down the slide. She giggled every time her ass hit the ground. Olivia couldn't help to cringe, but that was just how she was. It was rare to see Anai cry, and when she does Olivia knew it was bad. Every moment She looked at Anai, Olivia saw Rafael. She had his father's ears, nose, and lips. Anai had Rafael's color of eyes, but Olivia's shape. Anai was beginning to ask for her father. There have been many moments where Olivia would be speaking with a man, and Anai would come running over to her asking if that was him. Although she found it endearing, it broke her heart every time.
There was something about Anai that drew people to her. Olivia supposed it didn't hurt that she was a good-looking girl, but it was more than that. She was quiet, but not out of painful shyness. It was reservedness, like a conscious choice to observe the lie of the land before she got involved. Yet she wasn't standoffish, she remained friendly-faced and welcoming in body posture.
Olivia had nothing to do with that, Anai had just always been that way. From the first moment she was brought into this world, to now Anai has been a charmer. During her second year, Olivia has allowed her more time in the parks and on their outings. Like with Noah, Olivia has been an overprotective mother. She knew the weird shit that goes on in the world. Is it bad she wants to keep both her children away from all of that?
Watching as a little red hair boy walked over to Anai, Olivia grinned. Olivia has never seen her go out and deliberately make a friend, they just came to her. Of course the majority of the time, newcomers needed to get approved by big brother. Olivia couldn't help, but just imagine how much like her father she will look like. With a sigh, Olivia glanced down at her watch.
"Anai! We have to go!" Grabbing her bag and Anai's backpack, She smiled as she ran to her. "Hey baby, you hungry? We can stop for some food after we pick Noah up."
"Okay!" She giggled, as she took off to the car.
Olivia freaked at seeing her run off towards the street. "Anai wait!" She stopped, giving her mother a weird look. "Don't run off like that."
"Sorry, mommy." She held her hand out to her. "Hold my hand?"
Olivia could never stay mad at those eyes. "Of course." After picking Noah up and taking them out to eat, they walked back into the loft. Desoro greeted them at the door, before dashing out to the balcony. "Before you go play with Desoro, is your homework done?" Noah and Anai both nodded. "All of it?" They paused for a moment and nodded once more. "Alright then, I am trusting you."
"We promise mommy." Anai grinned.
With a groan, she kissed them both on the head. "Alright, go play."
Looking out at her children she watched them. Noah and Anai were tossing the ball back and forth, while Desoro ran between them. Ever since she brought Anai home, Noah has made it his mission to care for her. Become her white knight when she needed him. It has gotten to the point that many people weren't allowed to touch her. Only her squad had his approval. But should Elliot try and pick her up, Noah would pull her far away from them. He never got over the incident that night. And for some reason, he blames Elliot for the death of Barba. He wouldn't say why, no matter how much she pried.
"Noah, are your things packed for the weekend?" Olivia had permitted him to stay at his friend's house. She checked up on the parents, before even thinking about letting him go.
"Yes." He tossed the ball over to her.
Olivia tossed it to Anai. "Looks like we are going to have a girls' night."
Olivia and Anai were curled up on the couch, wrapped in a throw blanket. The table in front of them was packed with popcorn, drinks, and candies. Anai had picked Spirit as their nightly movie. Noah had left for his sleepover a few hours ago, leaving them on their own.
"Where is his daddy?" She suddenly asked.
Olivia frowned. "I don't know. He doesn't have one in the movie."
"Like me." She whispered.
How the hell do you respond to that? "Yeah."
"Tell me about him." She turned around so she was now facing her mother.
"What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
Running her fingers through Anai's long black hair, Olivia smiled softly. "He was a great man. Loved us very much. He likes to think he was funny. Always smiling and laughing." She leaned her head back staring at the ceiling. "He always made us feel safe with him. Nothing would ever hurt us when he was with us. Rafael was-" She glanced down at hearing the soft snoring. "He would have loved you unconditionally." Sliding out of the couch, she made sure to not wake her up. Walking out to the balcony, she leaned against the railing. She still thought about him every waking moment. Still wondered about the what-ifs. She knew Carmen and her people were in search of his killer, but she was doing a search of her own on the side. Looking down at the busy street she froze. Staring back at her were familiar green eyes.
"Rafael?"
A/N: I know it's lagging and these time jumps are annoying. But I wanted Anai and Noah a little bit older than they were. Things are about to go down!
