The Easy Way Out
15/100
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My mother always told me I had options, I could choose for myself. Well, she was wrong. I couldn't really choose for myself. Sure it sounded nice when she told me that. Maybe she even believed it. But it was completely wrong. I had no more control over my life, than I did over the sun. It would rise and fall every day, and I would still go by what every one wanted me to do.
As a young boy I lived by my fathers rules, doing exactly as I was told to. While I was at school, I did what Professor Snape wanted me to do. When I left there it was time to do what Lord Voldemort requested, till the end when I changed sides. Then it was Auror training, and Moody, doing exactly what that old coot wanted. You would think then that as a man of twenty-four I could do what I wanted then, but no. Family obligations once again ruled over my wants and needs.
I fell in love you see, with an incredible young woman. I can't be with her though, I want to be with her, every time I see her around, my heart clenches, my stomach knots up, I'm sure she can tell just by the look on my face. It hurt her terribly when I ended things, I can only hope that she understands why.
It had been made very clear to me what would be sacrificed if I were to continue things with her. The war and the aftermath had not been kind to my mother. The Malfoy name was a joke. I had managed to come out on the other side all right, because of the part I played in the later stages of the war. She wasn't so lucky. My father even from the grave, had made the Malfoys a disgrace, we would forever carry the mark of 'dark wizards or witches' because of him.
I did it for her you see, not that she would have had any problem with me marrying her, and I thought they got on tremendously well. I gave my mother what she needed to retain some sort of rank in society. I married another 'pureblood', she was a nice enough girl, but she just wasn't what I wanted.
I'll admit it does seem like I took the easy way out. I copped out. Took the way of least resistance. There surely would have been some resistance if I'd remained involved with her, her friends would not have been on 'my side'.
You have to understand why I went the way I did. My mother had always been there for me. The rock I needed while I was growing up, the soft place to go when father was in one of his particularly foul moods. Whenever I needed something, whether it was material or emotional she would never hesitate to give it to me. And now she needed me. She needed me to stand beside her, the good son. And I wasn't going to let her stand on her own when I could help her for once.
So ignoring what I wanted, I did something I will never forgive myself for. I married another woman. I didn't love her. I liked her, but I could never love her the way I loved another. I imagine she knows, maybe she sees it in my eyes when I see her, or in my actions around her. She never says anything, she probably understands why. I've never mistreated her, giving her affection and my time. But my heart isn't in it.
It will always belong to another.
