Chapter 5
Never Mind What People Say
It took quite some time for Fuutarou to finally regather his senses. He had been talking to Yotsuba when something struck him across the jaw. Everything had gone white and he had caught a glimpse of the concrete sidewalk closing in on him. His hand had lashed to grab onto something before he fell. He remembered his left shoulder colliding painfully with the trash before his right hand caught the armrest of the bench.
His senses came back to him all at once. The first thing he saw was that he was staring straight at the concrete ground, a piece of trash lying there, having been knock out of the overturned trash bin. The next thing he noticed was that he was hanging onto armrest of the bench and that his knees were growing cold from the damp walkway. Then he heard someone next to him who was breathing heavily. No, it more ragged than heavy and it sounded like a wild animal.
From there everything was a blur and he could hear bells ringing. His first thought was that some night crawler had hit him so he could kidnap Yotsuba. However, he heard no signs of a struggle, no sounds of screaming, or anything to even suggest danger. All he did hear was someone breathing raggedly. His mind went into a panic. Someone was strangling Yotsuba to death! He had to get back up! He had to help her before it was too late!
"How... dare... you..."
He froze. It sounded like Yotsuba, but at the same it wasn't. It was then he finally noticed the pain in his cheek. With a shaky hand he placed his fingers on the spot where it hurt and nearly fainted when pain shot though his head. Then he tasted blood in his mouth. It was only then he finally realized what had just happened.
Yotsuba had hit him. The very girl he had just proposed to had hit him.
It wasn't even a slap. It was a full punch to the jaw. She had punch him hard enough to knock him right off his feet. Hard enough to knock him out cold. Her strength was simply that amazing.
"How dare you!" the voice said again.
Gathering his courage he turned his head. What he saw made him recoil in horror.
Yotsuba stood no more than a yard away from him. Her fists were tightly clenched and her entire little body shook with rage. Blood dripped from the very fist that struck him and it was skinned around the knuckles. The menacing aura surrounding her was so strong he could feel it seeping into his skin, his bones, his very soul, but it was her face that terrified him the most.
The cheerful, always smiling face that he knew so well was gone, replaced with one that resembled a raging beast that was out for blood. Her innocent and lovely features were contorted, her teeth bare, and her eyes were filled with such a blaze Fuutarou was certain she would have burned him alive if she could.
The sweet yet clumsy girl called Yotsuba was no longer there, and it was here that he tasted death. It was bitter in his throat, metallic and hard. It scraped his flesh like a knife, choking and squeezing, pulling the very air from his lungs. The girl looked like the savage monster who wanted to tear him to pieces with her own bare hands, and he had little doubt that she would if given the chance.
"Is that all my sisters are to you?! Nothing but nuisances?!"
She took one step towards him and he impulsively crawled backwards. He wanted to run but he was too terrified to even stand.
"Is that all I am to you?! You little precious servant who never disobeys her master?!" her hands formed into claws and they reached for him.
"Yotsuba!" he desperately pleaded, "Stop! Calm down!"
She did stop, but her anger didn't reduce. It only magnified.
"Calm down?" she was practically foaming at the mouth, "How can I calm down after what you just said?"
"Yotsuba! Please! I don't understand! Why are you like this?"
Her eyes blazed even more, "You just don't get it do you?! How can you speak so lowly of my sisters and not feel ashamed?"
"You asked me why! I only told the truth!"
"I don't care if it's the truth! You can't just say those things and expect everyone, especially me, to be okay with it! What is the matter with you? Have you no sense of dignity or any kind of respect for my sisters?"
"I told you! I couldn't date any of them because-"
"Of some stupid book you read? That you didn't believe it would work because they were all too difficult to handle? You didn't even try! You never gave them a chance! You just pushed them aside like they were nothing and went straight to me! Because I was the easy the choice, just as you said."
"It was the right choice!"
"To you it was, but to them it was completely unfair!"
"You girls were the ones who made me make a choice!"
"You didn't have to agree to it! No one was forcing you! Itsuki told us that you said you weren't going to go along with it and for a time I honestly thought you wouldn't. You actually would have shown us that you were standing up for yourself and that you wouldn't be pushed around. Yeah, we would have hurt, but we could have lived with it. Instead you did the exact opposite!"
"If I didn't do it it would have me look like a jerk!"
"Oh, is that so? Well, guess what? You ended up being a jerk anyway! So you made your decision and then you had the audacity to stand there and propose to me after one stupid date? You son of a bitch!"
She had managed to get close enough to kick him on the last word, making Fuutarou yelp as her foot connected with his ankle.
"Isn't that what you wanted though?" he crawled away again, "Didn't you say you wanted to be with me?"
"What I wanted was you, Uesugi! You and you alone. That's all I wanted."
"Then why-"
"You want to know what pissed me off the most today? All I wanted was to spend one day, just one freaking day, with you! But you couldn't even give me five seconds worth of you time! I watched you throughout the entire date and not once did you ever look my way. The whole time your attention was focused on something else. This!"
She suddenly crouched down. At first he thought she was going to attack him again, then he saw his flash notes lying on the ground. In his desperation to get away from her they had fallen out of his pocket. Before he could react she snatched them up and straightened, crushing them in her fist.
"This was the only thing that mattered to you! It was like you couldn't live without it! When I tried taking them away from you got so upset you all but assaulted me to get them back! Do you have any idea how hurt I was at that moment?!"
Fuutarou swallowed, "Yotsuba, please. You need to understand-"
"Understand what? That your studies were more important than me? Than us?! Well, you certainly made that clear! You say these notes are important to you, to me they're like six-foot tall, six-foot thick concrete wall between us!" she started laughing hysterically, "You know what's really funny? Remember our conversation back on bus when I asked you if your studies were really that important? Your response was that you couldn't afford to fail! That's exactly how I felt back in my old school. A friend of mine asked me that very same question and I gave her the exact same answer. Look where it got me in the end?"
She laughed again until she dissolved into sobs, "I just wanted to spend the day with you. That was it! I wasn't asking for anything more! But you just couldn't put your studies aside for once, could you? That was all you cared about the entire time! Here! You can have these back! Maybe you should marry them instead!"
She threw the notes at him. He instinctively held up his arms and they bounced harmlessly off him, but it was enough to make him wince. When he lowered his arms he saw Yotsuba still standing there. Her rage had simmered down but her body was still shaking, and she was crying.
"What happened to you, Uesugi? All this time I thought you were a great guy, but I now see you're just a clueless self-centered idiot who can't figure out the simplest of problems despite being so smart. You can't even look at yourself to see what you're doing wrong. You always have to rely on others to do it for you! You think you're right about everything because your smarter than everyone else, but the truth is you don't know a damn thing at all!"
He could only sit there in silence and watch as her tears came down in streams.
"You never cared about me or my sisters. Not once did you give a damn about our feelings. You just tolerated us because we easy to get along with. You just went along with our demands because it was what we wanted and you didn't want to waste anymore time on it. You just wanted to get this whole thing over with so you could get back to studying. That was all that mattered to you!"
"No, that isn't true, Yotsuba!"
"Is it?" Yotsuba looked at him sharply, "Tell me something, Uesugi. Do you love me?"
"W-What?"
"Do you love me?" when he still didn't answer her temper flared again, "Come on, Mister! You should be able to answer that right away!"
"O-Of course I do! I told you! I love you all!"
"I'm not asking about my sisters, damn it! I'm asking about me! Personally! Do you actually love me as a person?" she shook her head at his silence, "You don't know, do you? You've never been in love. If you were, it would have been the first thing you said to me that night. Instead all you did was ask me how I felt about you and then you just thanked me for being by your side. At that time that was all I wanted, but to any other girl that's nowhere near enough. They want more than just being a support model. They want to be loved for who they are, but apparently that's not good enough for you."
She wiped her eyes and started laughing again, "Your old friend was right. Your decision wasn't based on love, it was all based on whatever suited you. You didn't want a girlfriend, or even a wife. You just wanted someone to lean on all the time. You treated this whole thing exactly the way you did with that girl back in junior high."
Fuutarou froze, the memories back to him like a cold ocean wave.
"Hold on," he gasped for breath, "How do you know about that?"
"I ran into your old friend Takebayashi the other day and we hung for a bit," she explained, "When I told her we were dating she was shocked beyond belief, but when I told her how it happened she became deeply concerned and we had a long private talk about you. She told me everything, including what you said to that girl. Remember when Miku asked you who was your type? You said the exact same things as before."
For a moment he was too shocked to answer, "I don't... why would she..."
"Before you get angry with her, know this. She gave me the opportunity to walk away. I could have just turned and left but I didn't. You want to know why? Because I realized that I knew nothing about you. None of us did. We've all told you about our own past struggles and such but not once did you ever talk about yourself. Now I know why. You were simply too ashamed of it."
She sniffed while wiping away her tears.
"I didn't want to believe her. I didn't want to believe you could that be cold, but I had to know the truth for myself... and for my sisters. I wish I never learned it, for I now see you for who you really are. What an idiot I've been. I can't believe I actually fell for someone like you."
She turned and walk away, finally causing Fuutarou to come out of his daze. In a panic he got to his feet.
"Wait! Yotsuba!" he sprinted after her, hoping she wouldn't start running, ""Please stop! Let's talk about this-"
She whirled around and pinned him with a murderous glare while raising her fist. He skidded to a halt, almost falling down again.
"We having nothing to talk about, Uesugi," she hissed at him, "And if you try to stop me I swear to God I will hit you so hard you won't be getting up. At all."
He stared into those eyes and felt a chill go down his spine. He had no reason to doubt she would actually do it. Never in his life did he imagine that Yotsuba, the most cheerful and kind of all the quints, would be like this. He had seen the others get mad before, but none had ever gotten close to what he now saw.
"Yotsuba... please," he begged, "Don't leave me like this. Tell me what I need to do to make it up to you."
She stared at him in disbelief, then she laughed. The very kind of laugh that one did when told a bad joke.
"I asked Takebayashi the same thing," she grinned maniacally, "The advice she gave me actually turned out to be very helpful. I'll have to thank her the next time I see her, but you're not going to get any help from me. You didn't figure it out the first time, so why bother explaining it to you now? You're so smart. Figure it out yourself! Have a good night, loser!"
With that she left a petrified Fuutarou behind. He could only watch as she disappeared into the night.
She stormed right down the streets, not caring where she was going or how far she went. Those she passed by quickly got out of the way when they sense the angry aura around her. At one point a pair of street thugs had tried to stop her by flirting, only to back off quickly when they saw the menacing fire in her eyes followed by her deadly threat. She herself wanted to smash anything that got in her way.
Never before had she been so mad. For Fuutarou to speak so rudely of her sisters, to treat her so disrespectfully, she just couldn't control herself anymore and the next thing she knew she struck Fuutarou, sending him reeling to the ground. She should have been shocked by her action, but she was angry she didn't even care. She just couldn't stand by and let Fuutarou get away with it.
What an moron she had been! She believed in him! Trusted him! Gave him her heart and all her love! And this is how he repaid her? By asking her to his support model for life without any regard to her feelings? Or her sisters? Just how stupid did he think she was?! She may have not have the brightest of the bunch but even she had some sort of pride!
She finally came to a stop at a traffic light, but when the signal came for her to cross she stayed where she was. She just stood there, gazing unseeingly into the night. Her anger finally faded away and she started sniffing loudly as new tears came.
She had completely screwed up. She had punished for no reason and she had turned Fuutarou into a heartless bastard because of a stupid childhood promise. But that was nothing when compared to how she treated her sisters. How could she face them now? Especially Nino? Once she learned about Fuutarou's true nature she would be completely heartbroken, more than Yotsuba was.
What should she do? What can she-
"Yotsuba?"
Her head snapped around. At first she thought Fuutarou had caught up with her, for it sounded just like him. However, it wasn't Fuutarou who stood there.
It was Maruo, her stepdad.
He stood beside his car at the sidewalk, his driver and secretary Ebata right behind him. He wore his stern and displeased expression like always.
Ever since the events at her previous school Yotsuba had always been afraid of him, for she sincerely believed he completely resented her for the embarrassment she'd caused. At this moment, however, she was completely relieved to see him.
"Wha-What are..." she tried to say, but her voice was too weak.
"I went to the apartment because I wanted to speak to all of you, only to discover that you were on a date with Uesugi," he approached her, not noticing her distress, "Yotsuba, I've put up with you and your sisters' defiance over the months, but I do not approve-"
He never finished his sentence, for Yotsuba suddenly flung herself at at him. Clinging tightly to his suit, she started crying uncontrollably into his chest. Maruo stood there stunned, and even Ebata was surprised.
"I'm sorry!" she wailed, "I'm so sorry!"
Finally recovering from his shock, Maruo instinctively closed his arms around her and he held her gently. He instantly forgot about what he was going to say. His stern expression was gone, replaced with genuine concern for his stepdaughter.
"Hey, hey," he soothed, mindless that his shirt and tie were growing damp, "What's the matter? Are you hurt? Did he do something to you?"
She rapidly shook her head, "I don't wanna talk about it right now. I just... I just... Just get me out of here! Please!"
"All right," releasing her, he took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders, "I'll take you straight back home."
"No!" she cried, "I don't want to go back to the apartment! I can't face my sisters right now!"
"Okay, that's fine. We'll go to my place then."
Fuutarou made his way back home after stopping at a convenience store to buy some ice and a plastic bag. His jaw ached and it was swelling despite his efforts, but thankfully it hadn't impaired his speech. By tomorrow there would be a definite bruise. He was seriously considered skipping school, for his appearance would definitely raise questions once his classmates saw him. That, however, would be the least of his problems. He wasn't sure how he would face the quints when he saw them all again. By now Yotsuba would have arrived home and she would be telling her sisters how the date went. He was certain that none of them would be happy.
He was at a complete loss. This day had been a total disaster, and now his plans were all in disarray. He never imagined that Yotsuba would lose control like that, or deliver such a devastating blow to his jaw. He winced as he thought about it, amazed that his jaw wasn't actually broken. What was he going to do now?
"Fuutarou..."
He stopped in his tracks and jerked his head up.
"Chihori..."
His old friend Takebayashi stood there, a not too surprised look of her face. Beside her was another old classmate he recognized. Sanada. They were both formerly dressed and he saw that Chihori's arm was wrapped around Sanada's.
So they're dating after all, he realized, remembering that time from six years years when she seemed to have taken an interest in Sanada during the bus ride.
He had to admit, she looked very pretty tonight. She had always been a pretty girl. It was not hard to see why he had a crush on her back then. She looked completely different from the street clothes she'd worn when she came to see him at the festival. He would have praised her, if he weren't so angry right now.
She seemed to have noticed, for she leaned up and whispered something into Sanas'a ear. He looked at her, then sharply at Fuutarou, before looking at her again. He seemed hesitant, but once his girlfriend spoke to him again he reluctantly left her side. He placed himself a good twenty yards away and stood guard, reasonably out of earshot but close enough to step in if he needed to.
Fuutarou suspected that he had also sensed his anger directed towards Takebayashi and was ready to come to her defense if Fuutarou decided to take it out on her. Much as he was tempted to, he wouldn't get any answers from her if he did. It didn't the change the fact, however, that she had stuck her nose into his business. Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth.
"I see you two are a couple now."
"We are," she confirmed, "We've been dating for a while now. Sanada took me out for dinner tonight."
He noticed something glinting off her left hand and his chest tightened.
"Are you... engaged?" he struggled to breath.
Startled, Chihori looked down at the band surrounding her ring finger.
"Oh... yes," she blushed a little, "It's actually a prolonged engagement, but yes. Sanada actually proposed to me tonight, and I accepted."
He felt his fists clench, but he kept his composure and forced himself to say, "Congratulations."
"Thank you," she took a moment to scan his face.
The cold ice pack had started dripping in his hand, but he didn't bother holding it up to his jaw. She had seen enough to have guessed what happened.
"From the looks of it," she sighed, "your date didn't go so well."
His eyes flashed, "So you did speak with Yotsuba the other day."
She didn't deny it, "I did."
"And you told her what happened back in junior high?"
"I did."
"Why?" he gritted his teeth, "Why did you tell her? You had no right to do such a thing!"
"You're right, I didn't, but she wanted to know."
"That's not an excuse!" he screamed and unconsciously he took a step forward.
Sanada became alarmed and started to close in, but stop when Chihori held out a hand behind her. Fuutarou made no further attempt to get closer.
"Do you know what you did to me tonight?" his breathing was ragged, "I just lost the very thing I wanted because of you! Do you have any idea how important Yotsuba was to me?"
Unfazed by his anger she stared directly into his eyes.
"If she was that important then you wouldn't have treated her the way you did."
"You knew nothing about her!"
Her eyes narrowed, "I knew more about her in one hour than you did in two years! And I knew more about you in ten years than those girls did in two."
"Then why? Damn you! Why?! Just what were you hoping to gain by telling Yotsuba about me? Were you trying to get revenge for rejecting your friend?"
"Oh, please," Chihori rolled her eyes, "That girl was never my friend, and I may be harsh but I was never selfish."
"Then tell me why, damn it! You told Yotsuba something she didn't have to know!"
"She wanted to know the truth, Fuutarou, and I told her nothing but the truth," her face suddenly fell, "The only thing I didn't tell her... was the ending of that story."
"Ending?" Fuutarou suddenly forgot about his anger, "What are you talking about?"
Chihori closed her eyes and gripped her harms tightly. Her body shivered and her face twisted. She stood like that for a while before opening her eyes again.
"Do you know what happened to that girl after you rejected her?" she asked.
A heavy lump suddenly formed in his stomach, "N-No, I don't. Why? What happened to her?"
She took a breath and said, "She's dead now."
The blood drained from his face and he felt dizzy, even sick.
"Dead? What do you mean dead?"
Chihori closed her eyes again, "Two months ago, a horrible event happened to some of our students, followed by her being found dead at her apartment. She had committed suicide by hanging herself."
Fuutarou stumbled back a step, everything around him growing dark.
"Wait a minute... Are you saying that I-"
"No," she immediately asserted, "You weren't responsible for her death, at least not directly. In truth that girl was never entirely bright and she always been a selfish person, but... you were the start of what led to her downfall."
She looked into the distance, "After you rejected her she actually followed your advice. She tried to change so that boys would notice her more, but things... never went the way she'd hoped. By the end of her first year in high school she'd been rejected, dumped, cheated on, taken advantage of, and manipulated more times that anyone could count. She ended up becoming the common joke around school. Who will her next boyfriend be and how will it go this time. She tried to stay positive through it all but in time she just slowly deteriorated. Eventually she got involved with the wrong people and... let's just say it cost her what was left of her innocence."
He stood there silently and listened, too stunned to speak. He didn't have to guess what Chihori meant by that.
"That was what finally drove her over the edge," she continued, "She decided that she couldn't be in a relationship and be happy, no one would. For the next two years we watched as she went around destroying one relationship after another. She didn't care who it was. She even did it to the adults, be it teachers or parents of other students. She used every single trick in the book. Lying, cheating, blackmail, seduction, everything you could think of. She became truly capable of anything no matter how low it was, and the worse part of it all was that she could never be connected to it. She covered her tracks well. She was truly a master of her skills. The rumors surrounding her eventually caused her parents to kick her out. It didn't stop her from coming to school though, but to pay the bills for her apartment... well, you can guess what kind of business she went into."
He didn't need to. Never in his life did he imagine that a girl could lower herself to that level. It was like he was watching a horror story unfold before his very eyes.
"You never tried to stop her?" he asked.
"Oh, I did, as did others. Several times in fact, but at that point she was too far gone and beyond all hope. The funny thing is that your name never came up in our conversations. She never blamed you for what happened to her. She simply thought the world was just cruel and unfair and she wanted revenge. It was really sad to see her in such a state."
The last of Fuutarou's tension left his body, "What happened next?"
Chihori sighed deeply, "Things finally escalated when her younger brother entered the scene. He started going out with his childhood friend, a girl he had known all his life and had come to deeply loved. They were a perfect couple, and that even made it more personal for his sister. She couldn't stand the fact that her younger brother had succeeded where she hadn't. This time she become even more vicious. She found her opportunity in the form of another girl, a friend of her brother and his girlfriend, who had a big crush on her brother but had been too shy to approach. From there she starting telling the girl lies, hoping to drive a wedge between her brother and his girlfriend. It didn't take long for things to turn ugly, despite our efforts to stop it. It was touch and go for a time, but it the end we triumphed. It was the first time she had ever failed, and it infuriated her more than ever."
Her body shivered and Fuutarou knew that the worst was coming.
"Before she could come up with a new plan, things took a unexpected and deadly turn. The girl who had a crush on her brother decided to take matters into her own hands. She went over to his house while he girlfriend was visiting him. His parents were out at the time. They could tell right away that she wasn't in her right mind. When he refused her for the final time, she took out a knife and stabbed him, severing his spinal cord. She then turned to his girlfriend, but instead of killing her she challenged her to a knife fight to the death. Both girls were excellent cooks and they shared a dream of becoming cuisine chefs in the future, making them very handy with knives. That girl's manipulation brought a tragic end to that friendship. Her brother's girlfriend realized she had kill her friend in order to save her boyfriend, and so the two of them engaged in a bloody knife fight. Luckily a neighbor, an off duty police detective, heard the commotion and rushed over. When he saw that the girlfriend was about to be murdered and he shot the other girl dead."
"My God..." Fuutarou whispered, suddenly feeling very ill. He never imagined that anyone would go to such lengths to be with the person they loved.
"Afterwards her boyfriend was immediately rushed to the hospital while she herself had been seriously wounded. He survived, but he's now on life support and in a coma while his girlfriend will have scars, both inside and out, that she will bear for the rest of her life. The doctors say that even if he fully recovers, he will never walk again. As for his sister, she didn't find out about the event until later. When she did, she was horrified. Her cruel and selfish actions had finally caught up with her, and she had destroyed her little brother's life as a result. She couldn't live with the shame of what she had done, and so she took her own life."
She reached up and wiped a tear from her eye while Fuutarou could only stand there in silence. There was nothing he could say after hearing a story like that.
"What happened to that girl was a real tragedy. She wanted something so simple, but never got it," Chihori finally looked at him and said, "I told Yotsuba that story in the hopes of preventing another tragedy like that. While my actions were indeed uncalled for it was the right thing to do, even if it turned me into a villain. Even so, my efforts might still be in vain thanks to your incompetence."
When he opened his mouth to protest, she stopped him with a raised hand.
"I know what you're going to say, Yotsuba already told me how you were forced to make a choice. But if you say this was all their fault, I will come over there and punch you myself."
He snapped his mouth shut. He was already going to have to explain to his dad why there was a bruise on his jaw. He didn't want to get another one.
"What they did was selfish, I won't argue with that," she said, "but what you did tonight was inexcusable."
At that he could no longer stay silent, "You don't know what I said or did."
"I don't have to. I can guess. You told Yotsuba that you chose her because she was the easy choice and that trying to date her sisters would have been too hard for you," his stunned face was all the confirmation she needed and she shook her head, "I may not have seen you in nearly three years but you haven't changed one bit. You did the exact same thing as before, only this time it involved five girls instead of just one. See, this is the problem with you, Fuutarou. You always try find the easy way out instead of facing your problems directly."
"What the hell should I have done?" he shot back.
"Simple. Tell them the truth. Tell them individually how you really felt about them, and try to be as nice about as you possibly can. Even if it hurt them they would have been grateful for your honesty. You should have gone around and spoke to them one by one before you made your choice."
"That was not how they had set the rules that night."
"Screw the rules! Who are they to decide how you should do things when it comes to them? You just did what they without protest. You let yourself get tossed like a doll being passed from one girl to another."
He gritted his teeth, "I was trying to avoid trouble."
"This was bound to be trouble from the very start! Five girls in love with the same guy? That never goes well. You can't run away from trouble, Fuutarou! You have to face it head on. That's the other problem with you. You don't see people as people. You just see them as another obstacle you have to overcome. And you're supposed to be the smart one? Don't make me laugh."
"My studies is what keeps me going, Chihori!"
"To where exactly? On one hand it was great that you were taking your grades seriously, but over the years it's become your obsession. Made you into a mindless, emotionless robot. You've turned yourself into a cold selfish bastard who thinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides whenever you're faced with life changing decisions. Do you even have goal? Do you know what you want to do with your life? Do you? Do you? If not then your studies haven't benefited you at all!"
"I was stumbling before I met Yotsuba!"
"You're stumbling even now! You think I'm impressed? All your studying, all your perfect grades, and for what?! What have you actually gained? Just what were you hoping to accomplish?"
"You don't understand, Chihori," his voice had turned rough, "Before I met Yotsuba I was at complete loss. I had no sense direction, no idea where to go. When I met her that day in Kyoto six years ago, something changed. She finally gave me a reason to keep going and to not give in. She not only supported me, Chihori, she made me feel needed. I needed to feel necessary to someone!"
He saw her eyes go wide and her mouth gape. For a moment he thought he had finally gotten through to her. Then she started laughing softly, not at him but at herself.
"I am such an idiot," she placed a palm on her head, "Now it all makes sense. I should have realized it years ago."
He had no idea what she was talking about or why she was laughing. He forced himself to wait as she shook her head back and forth several more times. Finally she looked at him and said, "You never got over your mother's death, did you?"
He blinked at her, "What? What does she have to do with this?"
"It has everything to do with it, Fuutarou. Or rather... it has everything to do with you."
"You're not making any sense. What are you talking about?"
"You really don't remember? Think back, Fuutarou. Back in elementary school you kept going on about your mom and important she was to you. When our class saw her at the parent invite it was easy to see why. You were much closer to her than you were with your dad. You would always go on and on about how she was always cheerful, made you delicious meals, and how she loved you so much. Does any of that sound familiar?"
He opened his mouth to argue, only to realize...
"You see?" Chihori nodded, "It's the exact three answers you gave to that girl when she asked you who your type was, the exact three answers you gave to those quints when they asked you the same question."
Fuutarou's heart began beating loudly as the truth began to sink in.
"I understand now," she said solemnly, "All this time I thought you just wanted someone to cling on to, but it's actually much deeper than that. You've been living under your mom's shadow ever since she died. That's why you studied so hard and why you've turned your back on everything else. It wasn't just because of a childhood promise, it was out of fear. Fear of letting your her down. You wanted to make her proud while at the same time you've been trying to get her back."
He shook his head in confusion, "I don't understand, Chihori," he gasped, "What are you trying to get at?"
"You still don't get it? Think back again, Fuutarou. When your mom was alive you were happy. You were spoiled yet otugoing. You got involved with everything, made numerous friends, and you were always positive and cheerful. It was simply the happiest time of your life. Our teacher one time asked you why you loved her so much and this was your answer, 'Because she needs me and she supports me. She makes me feels necessary'. Those were your exact words."
The memories came back to him and he felt his knees grow weak.
"No," he suddenly felt faint, "That... that wasn't..."
"It is, Fuutarou. When was the last time you spoke about your mother? When was the last you really thought about her?"
"I... I haven't... because..."
"It was too painful for you, wasn't it? When she died everything changed. I remember watching you after she passed. You were quiet, lost, constantly looking around and even calling out for her like a puppy looking for its dead mother. You were the complete opposite of what you once were. Her death affected you so badly that you made yourself forget about her, but at the same time you were subconsciously still looking for her. That's why you're so close to Raiha. She's the closest thing you have to your mother. That's why you always mention her whenever someone asked you who your type was."
He was now fighting to remain upright as every word sank in, pulling him further and further down.
"Now it all makes sense. When you were being the bad boy I thought you were just trying to get attention with all your dumb acts and trying to look cool, but that changed when you met Yotsuba. To you, she was your mother come back to life. You thought she had returned in the form of that girl," she paused for moment, "It's ironic. Yotsuba was trying to escape from her past while you were trying to bring back yours. She saw you as way to escape her problems, you saw her as a way to regain what you lost. Neither of you saw each other as a human being, you just saw each other as something you had to have."
Fuutarou's head lowered, his shoulders slumping and his arms dangled without any kind of strength. The melted ice pack slipped from his fingers and splattered onto the sidewalk. There was nothing he could say. Everything that Chihori had said was true. Since the day his mother died he had spent his life trying to find her again, and in the process he had lost himself and had hurt the people closest to him.
"It's really sad," he heard her say, "Had it not been this way the two of you may would have made a perfect couple, but the way you two went at this was completely wrong. It wasn't love you two were looking for, it's was grief you were trying to escape from."
Tears starting to form in his eyes, but he didn't have the strength to wipe them away.
"I may be overthinking this but... I believe there is a girl out there who loves you. Truly loves you. She's not perfect, but her love for you came naturally instead of it being some kind of infatuation. She gave you her heart, but not once did you look her way, and I think I know why. When she confessed to you, it scared you. It reminded you too much of your past. You didn't want to make the same mistake before, but you ended up making an even bigger one in the end. Not once did you think about how she felt about you. You were only thinking about yourself," Chihori sighed heavily, like she was extremely tired, "How can you be like this, Fuutarou? How can you be so cold and inconsiderate of others?"
"It's..." all he could say was, "It's what's kept me out of trouble."
Because his eyes were low he could see her face, but he could still see her shaking her head.
"No" she said sadly, "It's what's kept you alone. You know, I actually liked you better when you were a bad kid. At least then you were somewhat alive and easier to get along with. My only hope for you Fuutarou is that you'll be able to find yourself again instead of trying to live up to a dead person's expectations. If you somehow manage to do that, then maybe you'll finally realize what it truly means to love someone. I really do hope you realize that, Fuutarou, before it's too late. Before you really do end up being alone. Alone and forgotten."
Straightening the strap of her purse she turned and rejoined her boyfriend. Fuutarou stayed where he was, long after she was gone. Tears streamed down his cheeks the truth of her words sank in.
"I'm not... It isn't... I'm just..."
Unable to hold onto himself anymore Fuutarou fell to his knees and wept.
