Chapter 51

"The Baby Shower" – part one

At the Solo residence, Han and Luke frantically set up decorations, prepared food, and set up games while Leia nestled into the couch and watched them. It amused her to no end watching those two at work, and knew that she was going to be able to use this event as ammunition in any fight for years to come. Not even in her wildest dreams would she have imagined those two doing what they were today, and she knew that there was no way that this party would be boring.

People began arriving ten minutes early, much to the exacerbation of Han and Luke, and they immediately went over to hug and congratulate Leia. Luke and Han kept their gazes on the guests, waiting for their turn of acknowledgments, but they were all but ignored as the guests went over to a nearby table to drop off their mandatory presents.

"What's their problem?" Han asked Luke. "Can't they see that we were the ones who did all the work?"

"I don't know," Luke replied. "Maybe they aren't hugging us because we aren't the one who's pregnant."

"But I should be congratulated, too – I mean, I have to deal with Leia all the time, and she's pregnant with my kid, so I'm a honorary pregnant person," Han explained haphazardly.

"Don't tell me you just said what I think you did, Solo!" Leia yelled from across the room.

"Who, me?" Han asked.

"No, the other Solo…of course you! You seriously think that dealing with me even gives you an idea of what it's like to be pregnant?"

"Uh, no…I mean, I'm sure it's different…"

"Different doesn't even begin to describe it! Let's see…you stood and watched as I vomited when I had morning sickness, you sat outside the store while I shopped for clothes to fit my inflating body, you…"

As Leia continued her assault, guests watched with wide eyes, wondering whether they had made a mistake coming to the party. It was certainly interesting watching Leia "going Hoth" on Han, though.

"Wait one second, Leia," Han said. "I didn't mean what I said. I was just saying that since I'm the father I should get some recognition, not that I should be considered pregnant."

"So you're not 'a honorary pregnant person'?'"

"It just came out wrong, that's all. It's no big deal," Han soothed.

Having finished her tirade, Leia didn't even respond to Han's last comment, and grew painfully aware of all the guests that were watching her. It wasn't exactly common to come to a baby shower only to see the mother yelling at her husband, but their baby shower wasn't common in the first place. She turned back to face her guests.

"Umm, I'm sorry about that. Hormones, you know."

"It's all right. When I was pregnant, I always became furious at my husband when he implied that he was the one who had it rough. Men just can't understand," a woman named Gladyis Tubeck sniffed.

"That's right," Senator Harien Yleneb of Tatooine agreed.

All the women murmured their agreement, and several glared at Han. Han saw their looks very clearly, wishing that he had some backup.

"Hey, Luke," Han whispered, careful of not saying anything too loud in front of the women. "Where are all the guys? All the women are here, Ty came with Helena, and Chewie and Lumpy came with Malla, but none of the other men are here."

Luke shrugged. "I guess they're just late. The party isn't even supposed to start for a couple of minutes. Just be patient," he said, aware that telling Han Solo to be patient was along the same lines of telling a Wookiee that they should get a shave.

Downtown New Alderaan, same time

Wedge Antilles was briskly walking down the main road, holding a large present in his arms. He was dressed for the occasion, with a clean-pressed shirt, new slacks and shined shoes, and was making his way to his speeder to go to the Solo residence. He was nearly there when a laughing Lando Calrissian came up behind him and gave him a friendly slap on the back.

"Look at you!" Lando exclaimed. "You didn't really take that invitation seriously, did you?"

"Well, yeah. It didn't say that it was a joke or anything."

"Of course it was a joke! Do you seriously think that Han and Luke would plan a baby shower and then invite us? And make presents mandatory?"

"Well, it was a little weird…"

"It was supposed to be weird – it was a joke! C'mon, the guys and I are going to go to that bar over there," he said, pointing across the street, "and you can come with us."

"Sure," Wedge replied with a shrug. "It definitely beats going to a baby shower."

Back at the Solo residence, 30 minutes later

"Well, I guess they aren't coming," Han said dejectedly, worriedly glancing at the hordes of women gathered together at the dining table. "Now we're just gonna have to hope that we can survive them." He instinctively patted his hip, where his blaster and holster usually rested, but his hand was met with cloth. Leia had made it clear that she wanted no weapons at the party, so he was now without his 'security system.'

"It'll be fine, Han. There's five of us, and only…twenty of them," Luke gulped. "Okay, maybe we should be worried."

"Yeah," Han sighed. "Well, I guess we should get this party going. What should we do first?"

"I thought you were going to plan when we were going to do everything!" Luke protested.

"I was, but then I figured that it didn't matter. We can just see how everything goes. Why don't we play a game first? Everyone loves games."

"Sure, why not? Which one?"

"The lesser of the evils, I guess," Han replied. "The baby bottle-drinking contest."

Han strode over to the crowd of gossiping women and an uncomfortable Chewie, Lumpy, and Ty, and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, everyone. Luke and me decided that we should start the party off now, and we're gonna play a game. The game's pretty easy, but only ten people can play. You have to drink one of those baby bottles filled with ale," Han said, nodding toward a table that held the aforementioned bottles, "and then turn around nine times, run to the table across the room, and put a diaper on one of those dolls. This, of course, is based on what everyone does after they have a baby."

The room was silent.

"Uh, any questions?"

"Do you really condone drinking while you are taking care of a child? That is sickening," a raven-haired woman stated.

"No, of course not! That was just a joke," Han stuttered, looking across the room to meet Leia's eyes. He was annoyed to see that she was laughing. "So, does anyone want to play?"

"What are the prizes?" a stout woman with dyed blonde hair demanded.

"What prizes?" Han asked.

"You don't have prizes? What's the point of the game, then?"

"To see who's the fastest drinker, of course," he replied, as if the answer was obvious.

The women looked unimpressed.

"So, does anyone want to play?"

The room was completely silent.