Chapter 8
The Heart Of The Matter
The quints' grandfather had been found lying in his bed at his inn. When he hadn't come down to the clerk's desk like he always did in the morning his staff grew concerned. Two members went up to check on him and he was found laying perfectly still in his bed and not breathing. When they couldn't wake him up they immediately called for an ambulance.
He was taken straight to the hospital where they managed to revive his breathing, but he still wouldn't wake up. They contacted Maruo and in a risky move he had him airlifted over to his hospital so he could be closer to the quints should the worse come. Remembering that Ichika would be talking with Fuutarou that afternoon, he contacted Itsuki instead, who informed the others.
The news did bring a little blessing to their current situation. Upon being informed Nino had come out of her depression, just a little, out of concern for their grandpa. Miku had arrived with Takeda walking beside her after they'd gone out to where Ebata was waiting with the limo. When she learned of what had happened she went completely pale and she might have fainted if Takeda hadn't been there to support her. They had to wait anxiously for Ichika to return before they quickly piled into the limo and were driven to the hospital. Avoiding Nino's gaze she gave her sisters a quick look to assure them she had spoken with Fuutarou.
When they arrived, however, they were in for more bad news. Maruo met them halfway and he guided them to a room where they could talk privately. He informed them that Grandpa had not regained consciousness since he arrived and it was now apparent that he never would. He was body was simply shutting down and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. Keeping him on life support was only delaying the inevitable. He then announced that he did not expect their grandpa to last through the night.
Now realizing that they were going to lose their grandfather the tearful quints took turns saying goodbye, deciding to stay to the very end instead of returning home. None of them were interested of going to school tomorrow or even studying for the final.
At dawn the next day, the quints' grandfather quietly passed away.
Ichika informed Fuutarou that afternoon.
"I'm really sorry, Ichika," he told her through the phone, "Tell the others I wish them well."
"I will..." he heard her sniff through her tears, "We'll... we'll talk more later."
"Yeah," he nodded, "Take it easy, okay? I'll be in touch."
Ending the call, he stood there looking at his cell phone for a long time. Just when things couldn't get worse, it did. With a sigh he ended his break and went back into the restaurant.
Two hours later he finished cleaning the restaurant again as closing time came, but instead of going home he got himself a drink from the soda dispenser and sat down at the bar. Wakamura watched as his young employee went into deep thought. He dismissed his remaining employees and locked up. Getting a soda for himself himself, he took a seat beside Fuutarou.
"Did you get any word about the quints' grandfather?" he asked.
"He passed away this morning."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Did you know him?"
"I met him once."
He took a moment to clear his throat, "Something's bothering you, kid. Wanna talk about it?"
Fuutarou took a few more sips from his drink, "Some time ago, my family and I got to go to a hot spring through a coupon we'd won. The inn was actually owned by their grandfather. The quints and their stepdad were also there. We didn't know until we literally ran into each other. During our stay, I had a private conversation with their grandfather about the quints and my relationship with them. He told me that whenever they looked exactly alike I would recognize them through love."
"Did you?"
"I don't know," he shrugged, "I thought I had it all figured out. I was able to recognize one easily because of how bad of a liar she is. I thought that was enough but... now I just don't know anymore."
"Hmm," Wakamura took a sip, "How did this all start anyway?"
"Are you talking about when I first met them? Or the date?"
"The date."
Fuutarou shifted in his chair, "After our school festival ended they wanted me to choose one of them. They would each wait in a separate room and I would make my choice by going inside one. Originally I wasn't going to go along with it."
"What made you change your mind?"
"I don't know," he shrugged again, "Maybe I thought it would be rude if I refused their request, or maybe I just wanted to get the whole thing over with. Doesn't matter, either way it ended in disaster," he leaned back in his stool and sighed, "I really do wish I had a chance to speak with their grandfather again, to find out what he really meant by those words. Do you know what I'm getting at?"
"Yeah," Wakamura nodded, "I think I do. It seems to me that you took his words too literally. I don't think he was talking about which one you loved the most. That was something you had to figure out on your own."
"And I failed, like I always do."
"Uesugi, this isn't the end of the world. You made a stupid mistake. You can still make up for it."
"How?" Fuutarou glared at his manager, "I told you yesterday that I'm no good at solving personal problems."
"Yeah, you did, but does it have to remain that way? Why not take this opportunity to learn? To really find what it means to be in love with a girl you very much care for?"
"I have no concept of love, Manager. The two times I've tried bad things happened. I'm not going to take that risk anymore. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of my stupidity."
Wakamura's gaze turned hard, "So that's it? You're just going to give up? Don't you care about what might happen to Nino?"
Fuutarou pounded his fist on the counter.
"Of course I care!" he yelled, "But what the hell can I do?"
"Simple, find something that you know will help her and start from there. The rest will be come naturally."
"That won't work," he shook his head, "Not with someone like her. She's the most complicated of them all and the one I can never understand."
"Do you understand the rest?"
He started to reply, than stopped.
Wakamura chuckled. "Kid, women are not meant to be understood, they're meant to be loved. If men could understand everything that goes on in a woman's mind, the world would be a much different place. No one would be getting divorces or separating. Take me, for example. I was married once."
"You were?" Fuutarou was surprised, for he always believed that his manager had been single his entire life.
"My wife and I divorced several years ago."
"What made you separate?" he was now totally curious.
"A number of things," Wakamura almost sounded like he was bored, "We married young and we were not fully mature. The two of us had radically different ideas of what our married lives would be. I wasn't really torn up about it when she said she wanted a divorce. It turned out that the woman I thought I loved was never there in the first place. She was so busy with her social life she pretty much forgot all about me. I grew up in the country while she grew up in the city. I wanted to move back to the country after we married and she didn't like that. I wanted a motorcycle and she didn't like that. I wanted to go on camping trips and go fishing and she didn't like that. I wanted to have children and she didn't like that either. So in the end we decided it was best to go on our separate ways."
"Wow," Fuutarou was amazed, "There wasn't much she really liked, did she?"
"Eh," Wakamura shrugged nonchalantly, "Wasn't a huge loss on my part. I'm happy where I'm at now and I'm sure she is too. Last I heard she's back in Tokyo working for some fashion magazine. She probably spends her time and money buying fancy clothes and going to parties. Not the life for me."
"That almost sounds like Nino."
At this Wakamura frowned at him, "Nino isn't anything like my ex-wife, not even close. You should know that by now."
"Well... yeah, but that's the thing. With Nino I don't know what to expect from her. You've seen what she's like. If I tried to help her, what will happen? She could yell at me, ignore me, hit me, tell me to go-"
"Stop!" his manager held up a hand, "Just stop."
He waited until Fuutarou settled back down before looking directly at him.
"Here's you problem, Uesugi," he explained, "You're thinking way too much. You're talking way too much. You're too damn worried on what may or may not happen. What you should be doing instead... is to just go for it. Worry about what happens afterwards later."
Fuutarou sagged in his stool, realizing how much he'd been overreacting.
"Yeah, maybe you're right," he admitted, "But there's one thing I need to know."
"What's that?"
"Love. I need to have a better understanding of it, otherwise I'm just going to keep making the same mistake again and again. My choice... it wasn't based on love. It was based on what I was most comfortable with."
"Loving someone is not based on who you're most comfortable with, Uesugi. It's-"
"A matter of who you want to spend the rest of your life with. My dad said the same thing. That's what I need to figure out. Not just for Nino, but for all of them. If I were to choose again, how would I know that it's because I really do love her?"
Wakamura paused to search for the right answer, "Let me ask you this, kid. In the entire time you've known those five girls, which one had the most effect on you? Who do you share the most important memories with? Who was always on your mind, even when you didn't want to think about her? Who, out of all those girls, made you feel something? Be it good or bad?"
He watched his young employer go over his words in his mind and inclined his head.
"When you figure that out, you'll know what to do. And Uesugi," his face turned serious, "Let me tell you one last thing, and I want to really remember this especially when you're older. Sometimes you don't know just how precious something is to you until it's gone. Taken away from you. I hope you won't have to learn that the hard way."
The funeral for the quints' grandfather was held the next day. Maruo had been able to make arrangements fairly quickly.
Fuutarou himself asked him if could pay his respects since he too knew the old man. Maruo agreed on the condition that he kept his distance from the quints and he accepted without protest. It wasn't the time to talk to them now.
Takeda was also there, to his surprise, and he was very attentive towards Miku, who seemed to be taking her grandfather's death the hardest. He made a mental note to thank Takeda sometime for looking out for Miku. Looking at them now the quints all looked miserable.
The ceremony was carried out with the quints sitting in the front while he sat more towards the rear and on the other side. In the gathering earlier he had been observing them individually, wondering how they were going through and how they felt about him now.
Ichika had mentioned to him earlier through a private conversation that Nino had come out of her depression a little when she received the news of their grandfather. Seeing her now it was clear she wasn't as upset as she had been the moment he had left their apartment, but it was clear as day that she wasn't the person he once knew. He hardly recognized her anymore.
Taking his eyes off of her he lifted them to the portrait of the quint's grandfather placed in the middle of numerous bouquets of flowers. It was hard to believe that this was the same man who threw him over his shoulder and slammed him into the floorboards back at the inn. He still wished he could have spoken with one last time.
Closing his eyes, he went over the situation once again in his head. If he had any hope of fixing his relationship with the quints he had to figure out something. There had to be something he could do. Something...
"You killed her!"
His head jerked back up, eyes going wide. The room had suddenly gone dark. There was no one else inside. Only him.
"You killed her!"
His head swung back and forth to see where the voice was coming from but it echoed all over the place, growing louder and louder every time. It wasn't even one voice. It was many different voices, some of which he thought he recognized. Hr also heard endless pounding and shouting, like an angry mob that was out to get him.
"Look what you did me... Fuutarou..."
The voice, weak and scratchy, came from behind. He whirled around... and nearly screamed. He stumbled backwards and he just managed to stay on his feet as he viewed the horror before him.
A girl hung in the air by a rope around her neck swung back and forth before his very eyes. Her head hung to one side and her hair covered most of her face, but despite this he recognized her as the girl he had rejected in Junior High. One eye was exposed through her hair and she looked at him with contempt, the sight so horrifying it rendered him mute.
"Look what you did to me," she said again, "I followed your advice, tried to become a better girl, and look what it did to me. You caused me to die, and my family is in pain. All because of you."
He shook his head rapidly, trying to speak in order to defend himself, but not a single sound would come out of his mouth.
"Nino!"
The cry of despair made him whirl around again. There he saw Ichika, Miku, and Itsuki, all on there knees and weeping uncontrollably. Before them was was a funeral arrangement, and on the mantle was a picture of... Nino.
He felt as though he was falling, down, deeper and deeper into a dark pit.
"Nino!" the three quints cried, "Why did you have to die?!"
From here he heard the voices of Maruo, Chihori, his mother, his father, and his sister, speaking to him one by one.
"You are the most pathetic piece of human filth, I wish you an eternity in hell."
"I can't believe I even considered you a friend."
"I ashamed to call you my son. I regret the day I gave birth to you."
"You are no longer my son, Fuutarou. I can't even bear to look at you at you anymore."
"I hate you, big brother! I hate everything about you! You're nothing but a meanie!"
He opened his mouth, tried to say something, but there was still no words.
"She's gone, I killed her."
He whirled around once more to see Yotsuba, her back turned to him and she seemed to be walking up a set of stairs in the darkness. Her head was lowered, her shoulders were slumped, and she looked totally lifeless.
"I killed her," she said again, "I caused my sister to die. I took everything from her because I wanted Fuutarou all to myself selfishness. She's dead because of me."
He suddenly realized she intended to kill herself and chased after her, but no matter how hard he ran he couldn't seem to catch up to her.
"I don't deserve to live another day." he hard her say, "I can't live with myself anymore. My sister will not rest in peace until I'm gone."
He tried to yell her name but no sound came out. Finally she stopped and she turned sideways. Fuutarou could tears streaming down her cheeks but he couldn't see her eyes. He tried calling for her again but she didn't seem to hear him.
"Goodbye everyone. Goodbye, Uesugi-san."
He screamed as he saw her body tip over the edge and plunge into the black abyss.
His eyes snapped open and his body jerked up bolt right. His breathing was ragged and he looked around frantically. It took several moments before he finally realized where he was. In his room, in his house, with the soft glow of the nightlight plugged. Glancing at his window he saw that it was morning but instead of clear blue skies there dark clouds, heavy rain pounding outside.
Having now recognized his surroundings, Fuutarou forced himself to relax. His breathing returned to normal and the pounding in his chest slowed. Then he noticed that he was drenched with sweat, and he was close to hyperventilating. He'll have to take a bath right away. The last thing he needed was getting another fever. Throwing off the covers he laid back down to cool down his body.
He stared up at the ceiling for a while, trying to clear his head. The sounds of the TV and the cutting of kitchen knife made him turn his head to his bedroom door. He gave a little smile. Raiha had gotten the habit of getting up before everyone else so she could make breakfast. Heaving a sigh, he pushed himself up and stood on unsteady feet. Turing on his light, he took out a fresh set of clothes and grabbed a towel.
When he slid open his door he found his dad sitting in front of the TV and Raiha in the kitchen. It would be just another day in this house, but his dad had spoken very little to him since that day in the quints' apartment. While they have never been particularly close, he distance felt more distance from his dad than before. He might as well had been thrown him out of the house. Maybe he should leave, now that he thought about, since he was going to be graduating anyway, but if he left now without at least trying to make it up with the quints it would be no different than him running away.
"Hey, big brother!" Raiha popped her head out of the kitchen, looking cheerful as always.
Glancing over to sister, he gave a lopsided smile.
"You okay?" her cute face became a big frown, "You don't look so good."
From the corner of his eye Fuutarou saw his dad glance at him over his shoulder but said nothing.
"I had a rough time sleeping," he said, "I'm going to take a quick bath. How long before breakfast?"
"In about..." Raiha look at the timer behind her, "Twenty to thirty minutes."
"I should be done by then. Also, both my covers and futon are damp. If you get a chance, could you..."
Raiha bobbed her head eagerly, "Sure thing, big brother! I'll change it for you."
"Thanks," he patted his sister's head before going to the bathroom.
After filling the tub with hot water, he stripped off his clothes and stepped in. He hissed slightly as the hot water bit into his damp skin and he slowly lowered himself into the tub. Finally settling down, he gave a deep sigh of relief. The warm water seeped into his bones and he became more relaxed. Placing his head against the wall he looked up at the ceiling again, watching the steam rise and float around the bathroom. The bath allowed him to clear his mind, enough that he could now focus on the problem he faced.
It had been a day since the funeral, but this was the first time he ever had a nightmare like that. There had been dreams before about his friends and family abandoning him, but this was the worst by far.
What his manager had said to him the other day about something horrible happening to Nino had scared him more than anything before. With everything that had happened in the past two weeks, and after learning the fate of the girl he had rejected before, he was afraid Nino could go down that every same path.
That was something he just couldn't allow, could never live with.
Now that he knew the full story of Nino's past it was clear that he had to do something. If he wanted to repair his relationship with the quints, he had to help Nino first. There was no way around it. The girl who had loved him the most was now lying in her bed with a broken heart and a shattered spirit. Yotsuba may have caused a lot of harm but it was him who trigger her total breakdown. It was now up to him make it right, to bring Nino out of the pit of despair she had fallen into.
The problem was... he still didn't know how he was going to do that.
That was the thing that frustrated him, infuriated him, the most. He just didn't know how to deal with people. Especially when it came to girls. He simply had never taken the time to get know any of the people he associated with. He'd been too busy with his own ambitions. Because of his secluded lifestyle and his inability to understand people's feelings he had no friends to speak of and he always virtually alone. That was something he needed to change, but how could he do it?
"Breakfast will be ready in five minutes!" Raiha called, interrupting his thoughts.
"Okay! I'll be right out!" he called back.
Splashing water in his face, he got out of the tub, quickly dried himself, and dressed. Raiha was serving breakfast when he walked out and they ate in silence. As usual it was a delicious breakfast and he felt a lot better after he'd finished.
"Thank you, Raiha," he smiled at her, "That was very good."
His sister beamed at him while he got up. He quickly rinsed his plate and put it in the sink.
"I'll be in my room... studying," he said to his dad, who just nodded without looking at him.
It was his usual answer and routine whenever he was home, but the word studying now tasted very bitter in his mouth. As he turned to his room, Raiha suddenly asked, "Hey, big brother? Are you ever going to see the quints again?"
He stopped in his tracks and turned around, his heart stopping when he saw the sad look in her eyes. After his dad had dragged him back home Raiha was informed that Fuutarou wasn't allowed to see the quints anymore. Seeing how upset her he was, Raiha didn't ask for an explanation and left it at that. Both he and his dad knew how fond Raiha had become of the quints. She still didn't know exactly why Fuutarou was in trouble.
"I will," he made himself smile, "It's just that... I did something really stupid and I hurt them a great deal. I'm still trying to figure out how to make it up to them. Don't worry, we'll see them again soon. Okay?"
He wasn't sure if she believed him, but she gave him a slight nod and said nothing more. Patting her head one last time he went to his room and slid the door shut. It was still raining heavily outside as he turned his desk on and sat at his study table.
He took out his books and notes and began to study. Or least he tried to, but like before his thoughts strayed and he eventually found himself staring blankly at the wall. Blinking, he rubbed his eyes and tried to focus again but despite his best efforts he just couldn't concentrate.
Then he realized that he didn't feel like studying at all. Finally giving up, he left his chair and laid down on the floor. Placing his hands behind his head, he stared up at the ceiling again.
What do I do? he asked himself for the millionth time, How do fix I this mess? Come on! I need some help here! I can't do this by myself!
He suddenly noticed that the house had gone silent. Glancing at the door he frowned. The TV was no longer on and there was no sound of his sister cleaning the dishes. Surely his dad and Raiha hadn't gone out in this weather? They would have told him if they were going somewhere. Then he heard shuffling noises and the sounds of boxes being opened.
"Whacha looking for, Dad?" he heard Raiha ask.
"My old CDs. The ones containing those American rock songs that I used to play when Fuutarou was little."
He blinked, remembering that time during his childhood. He recalled how his dad would always play those songs and how it would always get on his and his mother's nerves. He even went as far as to dedicating a certain song to Fuutarou, claiming that it was his song.
He silently chuckled to himself. What was that song called? Bad to the... core? Or something like that.
"Hey, Dad?" he head Raiha say again, "How did you and Mom meet?"
He looked back at his door again, intrigued by his sister's curiosity. Come to think of it, he had never asked his dad that question either.
"Well, it's a rather touching story to be honest," said Isanari, "Your mother and I went to high school together. She was a year below me. From the first moment we met, I knew I was in love in with her, but I never approached her for three reasons. One, she came from a rich and powerful family whereas I was just your standard average guy. Second, he older brother was one of my closest friends, and the number one rule among best friends is to never lust after their younger sister because it always leads to trouble. And three, most importantly, she was in love and was already dating a third year, one that I really looked up to and admire. He's was like an older brother to me."
Fuutarou sat up and shifted closer to the door. He was just as intrigued as Raiha to hear about their parents.
"Seeing that they were both very much in love, I kept my distance," his dad went on, "The last thing I wanted was to cause trouble for the two people I cared about the most. It wasn't easy, but thankfully our friendship remained intact after I graduated. I went into the Self-Defense Force by joining the Army and later made a lot friends with the US Marines stationed nearby. They were the one who introduced me to American Rock music. After I left the Army I moved to the States for a brief time before coming back to Japan. I called my friend to pick me up at the airport, but when I arrived... your mother was there waiting for me."
There was a long pause, followed by Isanari's voice turning sad.
"At first I was overjoyed to see her after so long, but then I saw that she was wearing black. It was only then I learned that her fiance, the third year senior I had looked up to, was dead. He was killed in a skiing accident a week before his wedding. She was completely devastated, and she was also very lonely. She came to see me because she needed someone to talk to, someone who knew her fiance. I was the only one who did. I remember holding her so tightly, crying as much as she did as we mourned our loss. I always thought of her being so strong. It hurt me deeply to see just how vulnerable she really was."
Vulnerable. Just like Nino.
During this whole time not once had he realize just how vulnerable Nino really was. The rest of her sisters were strong, even Yotsuba. While she had been unreasonably punishing herself for the mistakes she had made, Yotsuba had learned how to cope with it over time.
But with Nino it was different. Life had been very unfair to her over the years.
She'd simply wanted what every teenage girl like her did. It was a foolish yet very natural dream, but every chance she had in achieving it had turned into a disaster, him being the latest. She wasn't like her sisters. She wasn't as strong as they were. They were collected and cool while she emotional and impulsive. That was just the way she was. She had been trying for years to stay positive and hopeful but every failure had slowly diminished her spirit until finally she broke down completely after seeing Fuutarou for who he truly was.
His hand covered his eyes. Now that he knew more about her it was clear why she had been hurt so deeply.
"Did you two start dating after that?" Raiha asked.
"Not right away," his dad replied, "I had just returned home and I needed to find a place to settle down while she was still in mourning. Over time though we did become closer. Her dad was trying to find her a new husband but she wasn't interested. She preferred to spend time with me. Eventually I got the courage to ask her out, and through that first date we fell deeply in love. I knew right away I wanted to marry her, and so did she, but her dad kept trying to tear us apart."
"He didn't like you?"
His dad snorted loudly, "He didn't like anyone who wasn't on the same level as him. You see, your grandpa was a cold selfish ambitious jerk. All he cared about was status and he was willing to use his own children to gain it. He wanted his daughter to marry someone of high stature and I wasn't that. Didn't matter whether she loved him or not. Whenever I spoke to him he would always criticize me for not being ambitious enough, like why I never strive to become an officer in the army or why I didn't pursue a better paying job. To him, money and status were everything. Love was irrelevant."
Love was irrelevant. Those had been said to him when it came to his relationship with the quints. Would he have turned in someone just like his grandfather?
"Well, I was determined to prove to him that I could be a good husband without money or status, and your mother refused to bend to her father's will. You can imagine all the arguments they had, the shouting, the screaming, the threats. It eventually led to him casting her out. What was worse was that her brother, my high school friend, had sided with him, something she never forgave him for until her death. I didn't hold it entirely against him since it's never easy going against you own father. Your mother moved in with me and we later got married, and had you two. The rest you know."
"Is grandpa still around?"
"No, he died before your mother did, ironically from the same disease. When she became gravely ill her brother came to see her at the hospital. He'd taken over as head of the family and he asked her to forgive him for his cowardice and not standing up for her. Thankfully she did."
"How come we've never met our uncle?"
That was a good question. Neither him or Raiha knew they had an uncle or a grandfather.
"He..." his dad hesitated, "His job requires a great deal of travel, so he's never home for very long. We do keep in touch from time to time though."
"I would like to meet him," said Raiha, "I would like to ask him what Mom was like."
"Maybe one day you will," Usanari went back to looking through his stuff.
There was a pause before Raiha said, "Was it worth it?"
"Worth what?"
"Going into debt? Spending all that money to help Mom? Living like this after she died from her illness?"
"You got to know your mother, didn't you?"
"Yeah."
"Then I say it was worth it," there was more shuffling, "Ah, here it is! Found it!"
There was the sound of a CD case being opened and closed, followed by Usanari placing the disk inside a CD player.
"What song are you going playing?" Raiha asked.
"The Heart of the Matter by Don Henley."
"Don... Hennie?" Raiha had difficulty saying the name.
"Henley," Isanari chuckled, "He's a famous American singer and drummer who's part of a famous band called the Eagles. When they first broke up Don Henley went solo until the band got back together many years later. This was his last solo album at the time and it contains one of his most famous songs. When I was living in the States I often heard it being played on the radio and it always made me think of you mother. It still does today. The lyrics of this song kind of told our story at the time. See if you can understand them as it plays."
Fuutarou heard something that sounded like whispering. Then the song started, playing just loud enough for him to hear it clearly. The singer, to him, sounded like an old man reflecting on his poor decisions during his youth. Thankfully he knew English so he was able to listen very closely to the lyrics.
I got the call today, that I didn't want to hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talking on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Makes us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
It was only the beginning, but already he felt chill go down his spine. It was like he was hearing a story of himself and Nino many years from now. He found himself imagining a future where he was no longer close to the quints. Nino had been able to get over her depression but was never the same again after what happened between them.
They went on their separate ways until one day he received a phone call announcing that Nino was getting married. However, he soon learns that the marriage is not a love match and that she's only marrying for stability. He arrives at her wedding and he sees just how miserable she is behind the veil, that she had given up on ever finding true love, and just accepted her fate. He would then find himself wishing that he could changed things between them only to realize that it was now too late. Both of them would share this misery for the rest of their lives, him living the guilt of his actions and her being haunted by the memories of their past.
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd knew, I'm learning again
Those last two lines described him perfectly.
Throughout all the years he had been studying he'd came to believe that he knew everything and that he could solve anything with his vast amount of knowledge, but the truth was he didn't know anything at all. The more he tried to learn about the subject the less he understood it.
It was just like what Takebayashi and his dad had told him. He would always try to find the easy way instead of facing his problems head on. Ironic. He who believed he could solve any problem could prefer to avoid them as much as possible.
I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore
Forgiveness. That was the most important thing here.
Before he knew what he was doing Fuutarou stood and went over to his desk. He opened a little drawer and pulled out... Raiha's bracelet.
No. Nino's bracelet.
The very one that had saved his life.
The one that Nino kept with her after that night at the cliff.
The one she had given back to him when he had been posing as Kintarou.
The one she had taken back after she exposed his deception.
The one she had kept with her again until that night after the festival.
The one she had given back to him again when she accepted to her defeat.
The one that held the most memories. The most important ones.
Oh, God.
As if on queue, the next section of lyrics began to play.
Oh, these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah, the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Oh, pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us, you know it doesn't keep me warm
This was Nino's own perspective of the story. If he were to describe her in a single word, it would be pride.
Pride was the only that that had kept her going until now. If he were to take everything away from her, tear her down completely, her pride would be the only thing she had left.
He remembered the night after the confession and it was just like she said, it just wasn't fair. All her previous attempts to find true love had never turned out the way she hoped. She lost one to tragedy, had nearly turned against her family for another, and then lied to and tricked by a third. With him, it had gone from fate playing a cruel game to him destroying all hope that she would ever find true love.
The worst part of it all was that he was the reason why Nino had given love another chance, just like Ichika had said. She had bet it all on him, everything she had left, only to lose because one of her very sisters got to him first.
And like Ichika had said, Nino love for him was genuine. It wasn't born out of some kind of infatuation like it had with the others. Ichika had seen him as some kind of plaything in the beginning, Miku had wanted to impress him, and Yotsuba had created an illusion that he was her savior.
As for Itsuki it wasn't why she fell in in love him. If he had to guess it was probably after she meth is family. When she learned how difficult his life was she must had developed a deep admiration for him and naturally wanted to help him in any way she could. But she made the mistake of keeping everything to herself instead of being honest. Just like Yotsuba. She even knew that Yotsuba was the one he had met six years ago but kept it a secret instead of trying to push Yotsuba into admitting the truth. Then she took matters into her own hands and she paid a heavy price for it. In the end she had just been as cowardly as Yotsuba and she knew it.
He felt sorry for all of them, both for placing him on such a high pedestal only for him to let them down so tremendously, but it was Nino who had fallen apart.
Of all the quints, Nino was the most human. She wasn't perfect, and she knew it, but her pride wouldn't allow her to admit it. That alone didn't make her a bad person, that was simply just how she was. Nino was a very prideful person. Just like him.
At that moment he found himself grinning. He and Nino really did have a lot in common.
He was also a very prideful person and like Nino he also had difficulty admitting it when he made a mistake. He always thought he was right about everything, that he always knew what to do, but in the end he would always find himself stumbling and being caught in awkward situations. Nino had done the same. He remembered that time when she suddenly appeared in his own private hot spring bath wearing nothing but a bath towel.
He almost laughed when he remembered how embarrassed she'd been. He really had to admire her courage. Any other quint would have been too embarrassed to even consider doing such a thing, except maybe Ichika.
Meanwhile he had just sat there in the water staring like a clueless idiot. Any other guy would have either freaked out or fully welcomed the invitation and yet he'd done neither. Now that he thought about it, that may have been one of the reasons why the quints were so attracted to him in the first place. He wasn't like most guys. He never... checked the quints. He never showed any kind of attraction to them. To them they thought this made him different and more respectful, only to learn that he simply shared no interest in the fairer sex whatsoever. That alone was very rude of him.
That was the thing. He never saw her, or any of them, as a woman. He just saw them as obstacles, just like Takebayashi had told him. He didn't trust Nino enough to return her feelings because he believed she would have been too much trouble, but it was actually him who felt that way. He sighed heavily and shook his head. How could he have treated her so unfairly?
The bridge and the chorus of the song played again before it reached the halfway point.
There are people in you life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby, 'cause life goes on
If you keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby
That was it.
That's what he needed to tell her. If this continued Nino would definitely go down that same destructive path the very one the girl from junior high had taken. He had to do whatever it took to bring her back.
The song repeated the chorus until it ended. When it did one word echoed though his mind.
Forgiveness. Forgiveness.
That's what this was all about. He had show Nino how sorry he truly was, enough that she could forgive him and be able to let go of her anger. And if she decided not to love him anymore, if she decided to move on without him, he could accept that. He would be able to walk away without any regrets, knowing that he did the right thing and that there was no hard feelings left between them. From there he would be able to live his own life and make new discoveries.
It was just like the song had said. Everything he thought he knew he had to learn again if he was going to go anywhere in his life, and he was totally fine with that. This would be an opportunity to actually learn for once. To experience life instead of reading about it and assuming that's how things went.
He now knew what to do, but the question was how would he be able to reach Nino?
He glanced at his desk and saw his flash notes lying there. With his other hand he picked them up.
It was true that all his studies had improved his grades significantly over the years, but what had he really accomplished?
Nothing. There was nothing he had to show for it. All this time he'd been living a lie created by himself and finding excuses to justify his selfish goal.
Chihori had been right, his studies hadn't benefited him at all. It had just made him a very lonely man.
He looked back and forth at the two objects, the bracelet in his right and the notes in his left. Together these two represented what path he would take in his life from this day forward. Would he continue studying to be number one above all else? Or would he strive to become a new person? A different person? A better person?
What kind of question is that? said a voice inside his head, Shouldn't the answer be obvious?
"But what about my studies?" he whispered.
What difference would it make now the school almost over? What's more important? Your studies or saving someone you deeply care about?
"Deeply care about..." he repeated.
And then, for the first time in a long, a genuine smile came to his face.
Who was always on your mind, even when you didn't want to think about her?
"Nino," he answered, and he almost laughed with joy and a strange warmth filled his chest.
It had always been Nino. No matter what was going on he was always thinking about her in one way or another, even he was angry or annoyed. In the beginning he had always wondered how he could get her study, only to discover that she had cared about it as much as he did. Then after she confessed to him he'd been left wondering why she felt that way about him when she had rejected him so much before. Now that he knew her whole story it was clear why she was in love with him.
It wasn't until now that he fully realized just how much of a impact she had made in his life. Reintroducing him to love, persuading him to not take everything so seriously, and saving both his job and his life. For all the bad things she did to him she had made up for it with all the good things she did for him. Maybe she hadn't done as much as Itsuki did in terms of support but she done the most significant ones, and not once did he ever thank her for it. He had just ignored her, even when he went to speak with her after he choose Yotsuba.
Could she have been more open about her feelings instead of being so straightforward? Definitely, but again that just who she was, and that was the thing that he liked the most about her. She was just like him in more ways than one. He did not know for sure if this was love he was feeling right now, but that could wait until later. Right now there was more important things to do.
There was still the question of how he would reach her. Then he remembered what Chihori had said to him.
I actually liked you better when you were a bad kid. At least then you were somewhat alive and easier to get along with.
What if he actually returned to that, his old wild side? Maybe not completely but perhaps embrace some part of it? Just for once? If he wanted to help Nino he needed to change. He had to change. Just like Nino did when she decided to return to her sisters.
You need to change too, she had once said, It sucks, but it can't be that bad.
"Yeah. You're right," he looked at the objects in his hand again and gave a firm nod, "You know what? Screw it!"
He tossed the study notes away and wrapped the bracelet around his wrist. Then he marched to straight to his bedroom door and vigorously pulled it open.
"Dad? I need your help!"
Unaware to Fuutarou because his back was facing him, Isanari winked at Raiha. Right before he had played The Heart of the Matter he had leaned over to Raiha and whispered, "Hopefully this song will inspire your brother."
Happy to know that his planned had worked out, he put on his serious face and turned to his son.
"What do you need, son?"
"I need you to do me a favor," Fuutarou ran a hand through his thick hair and an idea struck him, "Two of them actually."
