AN: Hello readers! I have returned with TWO chapters today somehow...
I know in the last chapter that I said this day would be a 3 parter, but that would have made this chapter +15,000 words which...it's too much for even me to give.
So they've been split to not make that not happen to the point that they can be seen as two different chapters even though they were planned to be one long one. I would have released the 1st one yesterday, but I thought it would be better to have them out at the same time since they're better as a unit and to prevent confusion for certain aspects of it.
Oh and since we have reached 50 followers (which I'm grateful for very much so thank you), I actually have 2 mini side story ideas for this story on a poll on my profile page...
1. A collection of one shots or small adventures involving the cast that may or may not apply to the cannon of this story depending on the ideas for said adventures.
or
2. A mini chapter series that delves deeper into Asher's past before the events of where we are now since they've been more or less seen in small bits or chunks prominently in the Project WaveInflux Arc.
The poll will most likely be up until during or after the Sisters' arc, so it will be some time before I start actually doing it, but it's a small gift from me to you I guess if you're interested in the future. You can also make your votes in the reviews if you want to as well:)
Welp that's all I've got, so I hope you enjoy these two chapters of the end of July 18th!
As always, please leave a review on anything you liked, think I should work on, or just any questions in general! I enjoy reading them and I will answer them at the end of the next chapter:)
Disclaimer: I do not own A Certain Scientific Railgun/Magical Index or any of its characters...the only things I own are:
1. My characters and
2. my ideas
Chapter 19: Saving Her from Herself
July 18th, 5:15PM
Misaka rushed out of the doors of Seventh Mist, frantically looking around the area to spot the esper she was looking for. She came across nothing in the crowd in front of her or in the empty sky above her, pushing her to just go in a direction that she felt was right and desperately hoped she would find who she was looking for.
Where is she, where is she, where is she!? I have to find her before she goes and does something that she's going to regret later! she thought in a panic as she continued to run down the sidewalk.
Her mind was constantly running back what she had just witnessed a little while ago after the bomb had gone off.
Thinking back to a sight that she could tell that nothing inherently good would come about it whatsoever…
A little while ago...
Seventh Mist
When Misaka opened her eyes, she looked around and saw that most of the area around her was severely damaged: the walls and ground held notable scorch marks and cracks within its foundation, glass fell from the lights that were cracked and now nonfunctional, the goods within the displays were either torn or nonexistent, and the list continued on and on and on.
The area where she was standing was left unscathed, however, centered around the point where Kamijou had taken on the explosive blast and canceled the destruction from heading towards them.
He panted slightly under his breath as he held his right hand up, sighing as he turned to check on the girls who were behind them.
"Hey, is everyone okay?" He asked, feeling relief rise in his chest from seeing no one had been injured.
As Misaka and Uiharu nodded their head as the little girl, Kana, clutched onto Uiharu tighter as they left, Misaka saw a shadow coming out from the dust of the explosion.
"Well, it seems Kamijou came to the rescue yet again. Though still a little too close for comfort in comparison to last time." A familiar voice sighed stoically, causing Misaka's eyes to widen when the area cleared enough for the esper to be completely seen.
"Still faster than I could stop it so I guess that isn't all bad with all things considered…"
"Asher? /Zierdan!" Kamijou and Misaka said respectively as Misaka herself began to run up to her.
As she got closer, she gradually sensed something wrong with her friend, seeing a notable shadow on her face that hid all of her features. This didn't deter her from hugging her, though, relieved to see her out in the open like this.
Again, however, she noticed something to be off or just not right in general as Asher didn't flinch from the contact or even move when she got in her hold with her not using any effort to bring her hands out of her pockets to reciprocate the hug.
She brought her head up slightly to look over at her friend in confusion, seeing her stare off in the space in front of her as her gaze tried not to hold any emotions though failed in terms of that as her blue eyes had red tinging its edges.
"Hey, Z what-"
"Mikoto…." Asher said aloud, causing Misaka to stop in her tracks from saying anything else as she felt a chill go down her spine from the level of coldness within her tone. "Be honest with me….Did you drop the coin for your Railgun blast that could have potentially made this matter a whole another situation if Kamijou wasn't here if you had, because you sensed me with your radar?"
Misaka hesitated with her answer for a few moments to think of how to engage this situation as she let out a small breath.
"I had a small slip in my concentration when I realized you got here. But even if you hadn't I-"
"'If' doesn't matter in this situation entirely. So I'd suggest you don't bring it into this as it's completely illogical to do so." Asher interjected before Misaka had a chance to complete her thought. "Well, that's all I needed to know. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I guess nothing has gone right for me today, so it's no surprise that it did."
"What's that's supposed to mean?" Misaka asked slightly confused, only to be answered in silence for a few moments by Asher as she remained as stiff as a board with her stoic voice edged in a gallon of ice.
"What difference does it make if you know why? I just said it just to say it, that's all with no strings attached. So you shouldn't read any deeper than that as there's no value in it whatsoever." Asher remarked as she sent her a cold sideways glare. "Now let go of me. I have somewhere else I need to be at the moment before I lose the chance to, and you're preventing me from doing that with all these illogical questions of yours."
Even though she was taken aback and confused, Misaka did what was asked of her as Asher didn't even take a second to look back as she casually walked away from her.
'What's…up with her? I haven't even done anything and she's giving me the cold shoulder for no reason.' She thought as she watched the back of the esper in front of her before her eyes widened in realization.
She didn't know why she hadn't realized it before but now she could see dried blood coming down from Asher's ears that dropped onto her uniform top, indicating to her that her hearing sensitivity peaked too much at some point today.
Meaning there could be an underlying issue from that happening as everything from what she saw from her was beginning to add up…
Her entire behavior was giving her major signs that something bad had happened to make her get like this. And that something bad was going to happen because of it if she didn't snap her out of the dark headspace she was in.
The redness in her eyes and hair was also a big push from seeing how it was gradually growing in both vibrance and amount, almost overtaking the blue in its entirety.
So, she ran a small ways in front of Asher, putting on a smile to somehow lighten the mood.
"Hey Zierdan, can you pause for one quick second?" She asked but went completely unheard as Asher casually moved past her as if she wasn't even there.
Before she could get any farther, Misaka immediately reached down and firmly grasped her arm, feeling it shaking in her grasp.
"What the…hell do you want with me Mikoto? I just told you that I needed to go somewhere. And I need to go right at this moment and here you are trying to get in my way…so why is that?" Asher asked without even turning towards her as irritation lit up within Misaka's soul.
"Tch, I'm not letting you go wherever that is based off the way you're acting." She remarked, matching with Asher's intensity. "You need to either talk or cool off, because you need to calm down. You're not acting like yourself at all and your high wavelength isn't making it any better."
"Calm down? But why? I am completely calm. Calmer than I've probably been this entire day. Can't you see that?" Asher asked somewhat trancelike as her Amps began to spark noticeably in her ears, indicating the opposite entirely. "I am acting like myself, so it doesn't make sense as to why you're questioning me yet again. I am completely content with how I feel and what I'm about to do, but here you are trying to stand in the way of that. Do you not trust me?"
"This isn't a matter of trust as you know that I trust you 100%!" Misaka replied as Asher turned to look back at her as red pierced the shadows of her face. "What I don't trust is your decision-making skills when you get like this. You need to snap out of it. Do not allow yourself to be consumed by your redshift as that's a slippery slope in terms of keeping your stability and control in check. You've got yourself so worked up right now that your Amps are malfunctioning, and your personality is tanking in the coldest way possible. You need to stop this before it gets worse."
"Like you're one to talk. How am I supposed to listen to hypocrisy when you allow your temper to get the best of you nearly every day on the smallest things and throwing little tantrums like a naïve child?" Asher questioned as the air around them began to get heavier.
Misaka's eyebrow started to twitch at that as sparks of electricity began to spark from her hair.
"I'm trying my best to be nice and civil here BUT…." Misaka began as an angered glint appeared in her chestnut eyes. " You're really starting to piss me off and I know you're doing it on purpose. So stop it and actually use that damn logic of yours to see what I'm saying is in your best interest!"
"I am but right now all I'm hearing is bothersome noise that just keeps your best interests in mind and disregards the fact that I don't want to hear any of what you want for me to do. As I honestly don't give a damn right now and want you to just shut up and not care or worry about me for once. Like everyone else who lives within this city." Asher barked back as she yanked her arm out of her grip with purple beginning to seep in the area around her, combating the vibrance that was brightening from Misaka's blue electricity.
Before this escalated any further, Kamijou got in between the two Level 5's as both seemed to be close to exploding at each other. He had been watching quietly from afar and realized the same thing Misaka had relating to Asher's erratic behavior, never once seeing such a dark look in her eyes before that seemed to be filled with some type of pain or anger that she couldn't get over. And that she was purposefully feeding into the fire to get Misaka to snap at her.
"Idiot what you doing!? This matter does not concern you in the slightest, so I suggest you find yourself out of it and let me handle this!" Misaka said angrily, seeing him keep his back towards her.
"Zapper calm down for a second-"
"Funny, it's honestly pretty amusing to hear you think you have a handle on this situation when you know that is not even the least bit true. And you're a fool to even allow that thought to come across your head." Asher edged on, digging deeper into Misaka's pride.
"GRRGH! What the hell has gotten into you!? I'm literally sitting here trying to help and here you are trying to instigate and antagonize for me no reason at all! You are the last person to do that, giving me a prompt reason why I should call that into question! So stop trying to avoid the answer!" Misaka shouted as she tried to go around Kamijou again, only to see that he still wouldn't allow her to.
"Asher…Zapper is right. I can tell that you're not acting like yourself for some reason or another. Whatever happened, just know that we and others close to you are here and care about you. So please let's just talk this out instead of you forcing a fight like this with someone you know who cares about you deeply and is just concerned." Kamijou said as he extended his hand towards her, seeing Asher's eyes widen slightly at the gesture.
"If you're in pain, you shouldn't keep it to yourself. You should share it with those around you to start to lessen that suffering. Please… allow us to start that process to prevent you from conceding to it and losing your way completely."
Asher grew silent at that as her eyes seemed to waver slightly in disbelief from what he said.
"Wait, you actually care about me?" She asked in confusion, seeing him nod his head. " But w-why is that? I haven't even known you that long."
"Yes of course I do." Kamijou said calmly, trying his best to get Asher to calm down to his level. "Now please, just take my hand and we'll talk it out, alright?"
One of her hands slowly but surely came to reach out for his own. Before it got too much closer, however, it seemed as though a massive pain went through her head, stopping her in her tracks to grab its sides in agony.
"AAGH! The Noise! NoisenoisenoiseNOISE!" Asher screamed. "It's driving me crazy! I can't stop it from coming in anymore and make it leave me the hell alone, tch!"
Before either Kamijou or Misaka could reach out to her, it felt like they were both locked into place as the gravity accelerated around them, sending them both to their knees.
"I don't want your help! I don't! I Don't! I DON'T!" Asher yelled, shaking in both anger and pain. "I don't need your help and quite frankly don't deserve your help! So stop trying to spout that illogical nonsense thinking you're going to stop me!"
"W-What's ha-happening, Za-Zapper?" Kamijou barely got out as he looked at Misaka's concerned and fearful gaze.
'Damn it, this isn't good. How long and how much has she redshifted this far to make her like this?' she thought as she saw the Amps in her ears spark even more before they just fizzled out, falling out of her ears completely broken and shattered.
'She's close to fully losing it. I know she is and now with her not able to filter the sound in her ears…It's almost like…."
"Z-Zapper sn-snap out of i-it wh-what's-" Kamijou tried to say before his and even Misaka's eyes widened in surprise as they both heard Asher laughing a little under her breath, increasing in volume overtime.
"Ahahahahaha! Oh, Kamijou, Kamijou, Kamijou…Do you still think I'm the one who needs to be saved?" Asher asked amusedly as a massive smirk came on her face, her eyes growing a menacing shade of crimson. "Even if I was, such effort shouldn't be wasted on me. I couldn't even save either of you or Uiharu and that little girl because of my own foolish hesitation, just cementing the fact that I'm even more of a worthless person than I already knew I was. Someone who can't even save her own friends doesn't deserve to have them at all or at least that's how I logically can see it and I'm no exception."
"But…"
Her tone seemed to shift even colder than it was before as the smirk faded from her face and her purple orbs came back with a vengeance that nearly matched the scathing nature of the red ones before.
"That doesn't mean I can't fix this situation at its source. To make whoever did this wish they hadn't." She continued as she turned to look out at the world below her from the broken window. "I can do that at least as a means of retaliation of their illogical behavior and grant my anger towards them the satisfaction it wants by making them regret and pay for what they've done and nearly did today..."
"That's the person you should be trying to save as I'll have no remorse for what I'm about to do to them."
"Z-Zierdan, you n-need t-to-tch!" Misaka tried to get out before it felt like the gravity surged around them even more, too much so that she couldn't even speak.
"I'm not going to allow you to talk me out of this so maybe try again later because right now I need to do this. I need to feel something else other than this irrational amount of guilt, sadness, and anger towards myself. It hurts and has been hurting since I've woken up from that damn headscan…I can't stand it anymore, so I need it to go away at least for a couple moments and just try to deal with it by myself after that point! And what better way to do that other than letting it out on someone of less worth than even I am. To show that Graviton Bomber what it's like to be on the receiving of someone else's anger, though, in this situation not misplaced by any means…"
"You can follow me all you want to try and save me from myself when I really don't need or want to be saved right now. But just know that I won't make it easy for you to get to me for that to even happen to begin with."
And with that as the shocked faces of Kamijou and Misaka grew even more, they watched Asher disappear right in front of them with no clue as to where she was going.
Only knowing who she was going to go confront…
Present...
Misaka bit her lip hard enough to draw blood after thinking that, feeling a whole array of emotions for what Asher had said to her…
["I'm not going to allow you to talk me out of this so maybe try again later because right now I need to do this. I need to feel something else other than this irrational amount of guilt, sadness, and anger towards myself. It hurts and has been hurting since I've woken up from that damn headscan…I can't stand it anymore, so I need it to go away at least for a couple moments and just try to deal with it by myself after that point!.." ]
I know it hurts…I know that you're completely traumatized by that event entirely and want to stop thinking about it in order to find some level of peace, she thought as she slowed to a stop at an intersection to choose what direction she wanted to go in.
But this, Zierdan…is definitely not the answer to go about it. Because all you're doing is allowing yourself to go back into that same state of mind that you hated being in…
Allowing your darkness to fully take hold of you that you've worked so hard to get rid of in which allowed yourself to be the best you than you have been in so many years.
Don't throw that all away by allowing yourself to get lost in your head and thinking that your life doesn't matter anymore…
Because it does to so many people that you're not allowing yourself to acknowledge that of being true.
Before she could take off, she felt someone firmly grasp her hand, instinctively pulling it out of the person's hold immediately as she sent a scathing glare at the boy who wouldn't stop following her.
"Are you really that stupid or just trying to piss me off by not listening to me!? I thought I told you to stop following me and to let me handle this myself!" Misaka shouted sharply, seeing Kamijou's determination not even waver for a second.
"You did, but I'm not going to allow you to take this upon yourself to fix. I may not have known her as long as you have, but that doesn't mean that I don't care any less about Asher either." Kamijou stated before bringing out his right hand to cancel out the blast of electricity sent towards him.
"Zapper please stop fighting me on this!"
"I don't give a damn about what you want me to do! This isn't about what you want, this is about you making things worse!" Misaka insisted as electricity began to charge around her. "This isn't a situation where you can swoop in and be the noble idiot as you were before! If we take one wrong turn in this or not be able to snap her out of this in time, I'm going to lose my best friend again and I'm not going to allow that to happen!"
"Zapper I-"
"For the last time, NO! I don't want or need your help! You may think you know her, but you don't know her enough to know what she's going through! No one is except for me and I'm the only one who can safely knock some sense into her! If you hadn't intervened before, I could have done my best to do it then and there, not out here trying to find her when she doesn't want to be found!"
When she tried to turn and leave again, she felt his right hand grasp her wrist to stop her from going any further along with preventing her from using her ability.
"Tch, LET GO OF ME!" Misaka said angrily before she felt Kamijou turn her around to look at him directly into his face.
"Misaka! Stop this and listen to me for one second!" Kamijou said sternly, seeing Misaka's anger falter slightly from hearing her name. "I understand you want to do this by yourself and that at most times you can, but I honestly think you need someone else to back you up in this situation. Especially with how Asher is right now…"
"You probably noticed it too at some point, but from the very beginning she was trying to turn your anger against her. You tried your best to not allow that to happen, but to be brutally honest with you, she probably had you in the palm of her hand the moment you allowed it to start getting to you. Even if she's not in the right state of mind or if she's angry, she still knows how to press all of your buttons in order to fit her own needs and make you not want to put yourself in the position to help her. But into a position to argue and potentially fight one on one against her which would practically show her what she's believes to be true and not the truth that she's trying to blind herself from seeing."
Misaka let the retort she had prepared to fall in her mouth, looking away from Kamijou since she knew he was right.
Asher knew her inside and out and knew what buttons to press to get her to be more confrontational than moving the conversation in a better direction, while she had enough patience to keep calm and collected even in an enraged state.
"Then what would you do for this situation without getting either of us hurt as well as Zierdan?" Misaka asked as Kamijou let go of his hold on her. "As I said before, one wrong misstep could lead her to completely snapping to insurmountable proportions, to attack those around her without meaning to if her ability goes out of control. And now that she doesn't have her Amps, those hearing devices in her ears, it could lead to even more trouble."
"I would be able to show her that there's more people than she thinks that likes and cares about her well-being. I think that's all she needs right now based off what happened earlier when it seemed like she was close to cooling off." He explained. "I'm guessing what's happening relates to her brain damage and that sound sensitivity of hers?"
"Yes, but…wait, she told you about that?" Misaka asked in confusion, seeing Kamijou nod his head to confirm.
Does she really trust this idiot that much? she thought as she heard him provide his explanation.
"I used to walk with her until I made it to my dorm after she tutored my class for a few weeks. It took me a while, but…I was able to get some stuff about herself along with the bit of information of what happens when she gets overwhelmed by the sound around her."
["Even though I've gotten better, you've been one of hardest for me to keep tabs on, but it's not unusual for that to happen at times. It's more or less due to an incident 1-2 years back that ended up giving me some bad damage in the areas of my brain that handles that among other things."
"Among other things?" Kamijou said under his breath.
"For example, as you know, my ears can get too sensitive for the sound around me at times, to the point where that will end up being the only thing I can think about at that given moment if it gets too much for me to take. The medicine that I have to take every morning helps by stopping me from getting to that point in conjunction with my Anti-Amps if the sound is still too harsh for my ears during some days…"
"At my worst, I can get pretty unstable from being overwhelmed by all the noise around me, so I try to avoid that from happening the best I can as it could create a bad situation for those involved or if someone is trying to help me in regard to that. At my best, it will just either leave me with an excruciating headache or pain in my ears..."]
"Yeah that is most of the problem within this situation. She's also pushing her ability too far, which usually takes a major hit to her mental state as well if she does it for too long." Misaka replied.
"Alright, do you have any ideas on how to find her?" Kamijou questioned.
Before she could say anything, Misaka felt a familiar presence from her radar, alerting her that the electromagnetic waves somewhere a ways away from where they were was being messed with by an intense amount of gravity.
"I don't need any because I know exactly where she is!" Misaka said confidentially, pushing them to run off to Asher's location as she led them there in hopes they weren't already too late.
In an Alley Somewhere in the 7th District...
Kaitabi remained silent in both fear and shock, shaking more and more as Asher slowly and menacingly walked towards him with a wild smirk on her face.
"What's wrong, Mr. Graviton Bomber? You seemed so talkative before when you thought you were alone, but now you're sitting there looking like you're about to relieve yourself. I thought you would be more entertaining than this, so at least try to amuse me. I know it may be hard or quite possibly impossible to move, but I haven't raised the gravity to the extent where you can't talk. At least, not yet anyway as I could raise it to the point all your bones shatter in an instant." Asher remarked darkly as she saw the teen in front of her sweating profusely.
"That could potentially happen dependent upon if you don't even attempt to say why you don't deserve this, practically begging for me to try and actually find value in not wanting you to be the one wiped out of existence after you nearly did that to my friends without a care in the world!"
"W-Wait! Wait! I-I d-didn't! I have no c-clue what you're talking about!" Kaitabi shouted shakily as Asher's face darkened even more as she snarled under her breath.
"Now you're really starting to get on my nerves…Do you really think I'm that stupid!?" Asher said aloud as she propelled him into the wall behind him, coughing out in pain as he remained stuck there.
"Honestly, I hate when people try to make it seem they know more than me when they know at the same time that they don't! Don't you even dare try to play dumb as you may not like it, if you keep doing it!"
"How do you even kn-know what I'm saying is the truth or a lie!? You have no proof that I even did anything! So you're the one in the wrong here by exploiting that power you have to put someone weaker than you into submission!" Kaitabi shouted until wincing in pain as the wall cracked behind him.
"Do you really think I would do this without a motive or a reason? Just to be doing it just to do it to rough up some trash like you who happens to be a lower level than me? I think that is the most illogical thing I've heard this week!" Asher responded as she raised her gravity even higher, nearly destroying the wall that Kaitabi was against.
"Did you forget that I'm the Level 5 given the name GravShift for my total hold on the dimensional space around me in whatever space I think of to make that happen? I could even do it over the entire city if I had the energy to! I'm the top esper in the city when it comes to that and you think I wouldn't be able to differentiate my own gravitons from someone else who left them there with a freaking explosion!? You're such a damn idiot to think I don't have proof of what you did. I nearly busted my eardrums to go out of my way to find you only to now find out that my freaking Amps were completely destroyed in the process from not being able to handle the strain of my ability, making it to where my ears feel like they want to fall off!"
Asher then brought him on the ground below her, pressing her foot on his chest and crushed him with her gravity enough to not leave any injuries to his bones and only so she could hear him struggling from the weight from it all.
"AAAAGHH!" He screamed as the disinterest seemed to grow in Asher's eyes as his screams seemed to be muffled in her ears from the overwhelming amount of noise inside of her head.
I'm going to make him pay for this, she thought, not even feeling more blood pooling from her ears as her mind was being completely overstimulated with sound.
Make him regret ever attempting to take what's precious from me...
Attempting to make me alone in this world with no one else who at least wants me to exist!
The ringing that had been going off in her head due to her Amps not there to protect her from the noise around her was pushing her further and further into wanting to annihilate the boy under her shoe due to his callous and reckless actions that led to the injury of multiple people.
Especially when he endangered the lives of her friends in which she was unable to protect them from something that she would've handled the best out of probably anyone in this city.
When she had came and knew that the bomb was about to go off, she was already prepared to create a protective barrier around it to prevent them from getting severely injured.
But then she had seen Misaka about to send her Railgun towards it, causing her own confidence to falter in which brought her cautious nature to come out for a split second. She knew that there was always a chance for their abilities to react destructively or just cancel out one another and didn't want that to be the reason for the entire floor to go up in flames.
So she backed off…
But then realized she had already made the mistake from just her presence alone as she came in with so much gravity that it caused the Electromaster to lose enough focus to keep her coin in place.
Nearly being the cause of watching Misaka, Uiharu, and an innocent little girl die right in front of her if it hadn't been for Kamijou's swift actions of protecting the ones that she had come here to protect.
Just proving to her that she was just as useless as Silas had said her to be many, many times before as she was the Level 5 esper of gravity and was left unable to save her friends from a Graviton explosion as someone weaker than her had to stand in her place of doing so.
She clenched her teeth while thinking that, angry with herself which fueled her anger towards Kaitabi under her foot, taking it off and grabbing onto his collar.
"Got anything more to say? If you continue to piss me off like you already have before and now that I'm in front of you, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do to you." Asher asked before part of her faltered in her anger slightly from seeing the tearful and anguished expression on his face.
"Well whatever it is, just go on and do it. It's always like this…I'm always just beaten down more and more and more from people like you. You're what's wrong with this city that I want to kill. It's people like you, people like Judgment, and all of those who have power who want to pick on the weak!"
"You've never had to struggle as much as I have! Probably having everything given to you at your feet for being the well-known Level 5 prodigy as you are! You've never had to struggle with power because you've always had it! You're the last person I want to hear from about using my power against people when you nearly wiped this city off of the face of the Earth with that harrowing and horrifying ability of yours!"
Asher remained silent at that, feeling her whole body shaking as she tightened her grip on his collar, the red in her eyes coming back with a vengeance.
"Why…Why is it that people like you think you understand me…think I'm some type of heartless monster when I'm just someone who can't fully understand people no matter how much I try to. Barely anyone knows because people like you always assume who I am and don't even care to try and get to know me and want me to just rot in hell for a grave mistake I made for trusting someone for once in my life!" Asher exasperated as she began to rant and rave for every part of his argument that she knew to be false.
To show him that people who have power have struggles that they deal with that may even be worse that his ever were...
"I've never wanted power…I've never wanted this damn ability to begin with but that's just the burden I have to bear with an ability as meticulous as this one that's so much tied to my already frayed mental state. But even with power or even with my intellect that so many say I have, that doesn't mean I was handed things out for free as it was very much the opposite entirely as my stepfather held no regard in wanting that to even be a possibility!"
"He made me hate myself. Loathe my existence and wish that I didn't exist in the first place! Called me worthless over and over and over again just because he couldn't find it in himself to love anyone but himself and his own psychopathic desires to constantly make me feel insignificant…That my life didn't matter or would never be valued by anyone!"
"I equally despised his existence, but I confused my hatred of him for wanting to understand him, because what he was saying about me was true in my eyes from how I was treated by those around me! My hatred turned from him to the people that I worked so hard to try to understand even if they didn't want to understand me…I felt abandoned…betrayed…lonely... and so…so freaking miserable especially after he took my mother away from me as well, both figuratively and literally years later..."
"I resigned and suffered in silence and no one even noticed because they didn't care to. They treated me like I was anything but human…all because of a small defect in my personality that makes it hard for me to accurately express myself emotionally and relate to people in the same sense. Something my stepfather abused time…and time again to twist me into trusting him and his words, when I knew they shouldn't ever be trusted..."
"And then…I finally met someone who wanted to change that…made me feel like I mattered and there was more to this world than I originally saw before. Made this world where I felt constantly alone and misunderstood something to value to some extent, to get me to try and open myself up to people that I was keeping myself from doing as such because I feared that they wouldn't accept me as easy as she did. She was the first friend I ever had…and I wanted to protect her…even from me as I thought I was dangerous because my stepfather and everyone else said I was..."
"I went down on a self-destructive path of wanting to acquire the power that practically parallels with the power that you're trying to get, but instead to protect something for a change. But something that I can fully say I didn't do to any extent as it nearly robbed me of the very thing that I loved having in my life…because it made me genuinely happy…the same mistake that you did today as you nearly did the same exact thing with the lives of my friends..."
"So I'm not sorry for being angry with you for nearly taking away the people that are showing me that this world is bigger and brighter than the pitch black hole of despair I was forced into for so many years of my life because of a man that still haunts and still litters me with irrational fears that he's going to break me more than he already has…To break me until I would remain broken and unfixable. Which I wonder sometimes has already happened as right now I'm trying so hard not to cross a line that I've never wanted to cross before. All because you had it in your head that bombing areas with kids around our age, older, and younger would give you the power that you unrightfully deserve for even thinking such an illogical thought as that one."
When Asher was finished, she let out a shaky and heavy sigh as she aggressively let him fall to the ground as she walked away.
She wanted to do more…so so so much more.
Wanted to give him what he deserved for all of the hell he put people through this last week under the assumption that power would fix his life in some form or fashion. But she wanted to show him some level of restraint and not fall into the darkness that she tried so hard to keep herself away from.
Feeling the innate aggression and coldness trying to break fully inside of herself to cause her to fall into that hole and never come out of it again by crossing a line she thought she would never cross in her life.
But….
He didn't seem to care about that at all.
Before she got any farther away from him, she heard him beginning to laugh, causing her to stop as she held her gaze to the floor.
"Ahahahahahah! Do you really think I can believe that? As you said before to me, where is the proof of any of what you said of being true? A girl who was already a level 4 as a child and then became a level 5 actually had to go through hardships on par with a Level 2 like me?" He asked as he pulled out one of his spoons from his bag. "Don't even kid yourself trying to play the victim when you did more unforgivable things in a day than I did this entire week!"
"Stop thinking that you can compare yourself to me! You honestly probably deserved all of that suffering for the pain that you most likely wanted to inflict on others! To try and be the Calamity in this city to bring more and more people to your feet or rule them in fear of your power…"
As he continued on, he wasn't able to see Asher's face during this and how much darker it had gotten than before as she bit down further on her teeth to restrain the anger so desperately wanting to get out.
Why? Why are people always like this? she thought to herself in genuine confusion as many thoughts of this type of illogical verbal ramblings filled her head.
["Your eyes…." He said shakily as Asher seemed to halt in her footsteps.
"They turned purple when you activated your esper ability. T-There's only one esper who does that who can manipulate the space like what you just did! You're the Calamity of Tokiwadai, GravShift Z aren't you!?"]
["I don't think I would be able to mistake you for anyone else, GravShift. Those blue streaks in your hair and stupid devices in your ears kind of give you away." She said with a smirk as her group of boys started to encroach and surround her, with Asher herself not even moving an inch.]
["Isn't that her?" Someone tried to whisper. "The Calamity of Tokiwadai, the 5th Ranked GravShift?"
"Yeah I think so," Someone said with slight fear in her voice. "I can't believe that her doctor is actually open to seeing a lunatic like that, considering she nearly destroyed the city two years ago with that dangerous ability of hers. She should've been locked up with the key thrown away…"]
["That sounded like a threat, with you trying your best to hide it with that insult!" He said as Asher remained unfazed. "You think you're so special just because of your standing as a Level 5 esper? I've seen more level 0's that have more of a heart in comparison to the empty one you seem to have. How can you talk like that, while you numb yourself to feeling anything around you and not caring about who you've hurt?"]
["Stop thinking that you can compare yourself to me! You honestly probably deserved all of that suffering for the pain that you most likely wanted to inflict on others! To try and be the Calamity in this city to bring more and more people to your feet or rule them in fear of your power…"]
Why d-don't they ever believe me and go and call me that n-name all the goddamn time!? It's annoying…irritating….frustrating…and highly ILLOGICAL!
Is it because they don't understand!? Don't care!? I never know because no one ever explains it to me logically…And I need someone to….
I need it…
I need it.
I need it!
I need it, I need it, I need it, I need it, I need it, I NEED IT!
It was at that moment it felt like her mind split in two, completely unable to fully process everything that was happening to her in that moment. From the noise that had been growing more and more in her head to the rushed thoughts just surging in her mind relentlessly, her brain was strained to its maximum power it could filter, leaving her helpless to even try and keep herself stable as her mentality just felt like it shattered.
Kaitabi began approaching her and did not realize the danger brewing more in front of him, taking in amusement when he saw her clench her head in agony in front of him as he began to accelerate the gravitons in his hand.
"Oh what's wrong, GravShift or should I say the Calamity of Tokiwadai? Don't like having your own words used against you? Well too bad and I'd say good riddance to your damn pity show that you probably came up with on the fly-"
Before he could get any closer to the eerily silent esper in front of him, it felt like his breath was caught in his throat as he tried to take in air and found himself unable to do so.
W-What's…ha-happening? He thought as he fell down to his knees, clutching onto his throat as the person in front of him stood still until she let out multiple winces under her mouth as she fell to her knees, holding her head in pain.
"How dare you…HOW DARE YOU!" Asher said lowly as the noise began to pick more and more in her head, not even allowing her to notice that her gravity had accelerated to that degree. "Tch, I tried to be merciful and give you something you could understand from my life and know why I came as hard as I did towards you. But then you go on and start calling me names…namesnamesnames!….That's all I used to hear at school until they got old with saying it: Calamity this and Calamity that from the mouths of people who don't want to choose to say my actual name when I have one. I don't understand….I d-don't understand it at a-all! They NEVER EXPLAIN IT TO ME! No one cares… No one. No One, No One, NO ONE CARES! NO ONE EVER DOES!"
Kaitabi was on the verge from passing out as he heard Asher mumble incessantly to herself, before he felt as if he was teleported somewhere else that had actually had air he could breath.
Before he had even the chance to move, he felt himself become bolted to the ground with metal pins, hearing the esper who did it sigh in front of him.
"Of all people you chose to press, you probably chose the last person you ever wanted to, Kaitabi Hatsuya. Zierdan may not seem like it sometimes, but I know her anger is something you never want to purposefully tap into like you just did. Sissy's even sometimes pales in comparison." Shirai stated as she brushed her hair out of the way, looking over in the direction she knew the alley to be in.
"Let's hope that she can hopefully calm her down after you decided to set her off into even greater heights…"
Misaka and Kamijou were walking down the alley to confront Asher who didn't even seem to notice that they were even there.
"Calamity, Calamity, Calamity, CALAMITY! That's all I hear…the only noise I hear. I hate it. I hate it so much maybe even more than the noise now stuck inside my h-head!" Asher muttered to herself as she shook on the ground.
Misaka's face fell at the sight, seeing her on her knees on the ground as she cradled her head and writhed in pain, contrasting her tone as she laughed in outbursts under her breath.
"Ringing….S-So much ringing…Aha…haha…tch…it hurts…It hurts so bad, I c-can hardly stand it….Ahaha…Ahahahah! T-Tch! I want it more and more and more for it to go away. Though I deserve this don't I right? I deserve to suffer for my mistakes and not burden others with them? I do. I must have, m-must have must! Someone just tell me…tell m-me so I can know, t-to allow me to finally understand why I feel like this….aha…why I feel so lost in my damn head right now aha…AHAHAHAH!..tch….I c-can't stop it at all!""
It's worse than I originally thought. I don't know if she'll even be able to hear us if she's like this…we may have to…huh? she thought to herself as her eyes widened as Kamijou walked to be right in front of Asher and bent down to kneel to her level.
What is he..?
When Kamijou looked at Asher, she seemed to just be a shell of her actual self, rambling on and on incoherently as he let out a sad sigh at the sight. She almost sounded like a broken record where it seemed like her brain wasn't allowing her to process anything as she just said whatever came to mind at that quick second.
He could tell that it was happening without her control of doing so, seeing the lost look in her eyes as if she was trying to search for something or someone to help, but for some reason did not see him standing there right in front of her.
"Make it stop….someone please make it stop make it stop…My brain…M-My mind…s-so much m-much noise…..Running so fast…It hurts! .It's not listening to me! It won't listen to me anymore! He's doing it! S-Silas is doing it! He has to be…has to be! Has to be! That's the only logical thing that makes sense here!…AARGH!…someone please make it stop…please make him stop!"
Since they had been there in the alley for some time, they had overheard everything that she had exasperated towards the Graviton Bomber with Kamijou hearing a history and burden that he didn't know that a quiet and nice girl like her ever had.
Remembering an instance that gained some context after he had thought on it for a while.
["As for your question, there are some reasons that I can think as of why people tend to avoid me, though I don't really want to go into them right now, as it involves something that I'm also still having a hard time remembering." Asher stated as she looked away from him as she rubbed the back of her neck.
"Can we talk about something besides that?" She asked in a low voice. "I know I usually answer your questions the best I can, but I just can't bring myself to answer that one right now…."]
I understand now… He thought sadly to himself, upset that he hadn't noticed that she was keeping all of this to herself during the weeks they had been walking with each other.
"S-Silas…Silas, Silas, Silas, Silas…He scares me. He scares me so so m-much but he won't leave m-me alone! He's always in my head! Always there trying to break me over, over, and over again and He won't-"
Before she could continue for a second longer, he slowly brought his right hand to cradle the back of her head and press it into his chest, using his other hand to go around her back as he embraced her. He felt her stiffen slightly but still continued on muttering quietly he felt how hot her skin was in comparison to his own.
"Make it stop Make it stop…Kamijou…pl-please make it stop….I can't think straight….so much n-noise…s-so m-much noise noise noise th-that I don't want but h-have…It's so…s-so much…." She continued muttering as her eyes remained wide open in pain.
The red in both her hair and her eyes faded into a dull blue that didn't have its usually vibrance as his right hand completely shut down her ability entirely to prevent it from getting more out of hand. The purple vibrance in the alley faded almost simultaneously, bringing the air back to its usual lightness.
"I'm sorry…Asher…That you had to go through that for so long by yourself. Just from what you said alone, I know it must have hurt you deeply to stay silent when you were constantly tormented by the hardships you were enduring right in front of them." Kamijou began, feeling Asher's shaking and hearing her mutterings beginning to falter.
"No one should ever have to feel that way or experience that and you are no exception. You're not worthless. You are significant. And you deserve to be happy just as much as the rest of us. It's not your fault that others misunderstand your intentions in wanting to understand them. It's their fault for not allowing themselves to want get to know a pretty cool and laid-back person like you, where all you want is to find people who just see you for you, Like Zapper and…"
"Me as well..."
Asher's eyes widened from hearing that, feeling herself actively relax as her mind seem to relax along with it. The only sound her ears were picking up at that moment was the soft tremor of Kamijou's voice along with the steady heartbeat in his chest, almost leaning into his hold as exhaustion was starting to take hold of her.
"Do…y-you really mean that…K-Kamijou? You're not saying that just s-so I can hear what I want to hear?" she asked as her breath hitched slightly, trying her best to string her words coherently together.
Misaka finally moved from where she had been standing for a while in shock that Kamijou had actually been able to calm her down fairly quickly, sitting next to her and grasping her hand into her own as silent support.
She heard Kamijou laugh under his breath as he tightened his hold on the girl below him as her trembling began to slow to a halt.
"I really do mean that. I mean yeah, you were my tutor for a while. And that may be a case again in the future for how smart you are and how dumb I can be…but I'm saying it from a standpoint of someone who sees you as their friend." He said genuinely.
Misaka couldn't help but smile at that, even though the boy next to her annoyed her to some extent. She sent a comforting squeeze to Asher's hand, feeling her reciprocate it with a weak one of her own as she let out a soft chuckle.
"I g-guess I was wrong about Fukiyose then…Y-You seem to be a little more tolerable than she is, e-even if…it didn't seem like you were in-interested in my c-class because of that blonde annoyance a-and blue-haired pervert….Advice seems to…always come natur..ally… to ….you….nrgh." Asher stated before the light fully faded from her eyes as she became limp in his hold, panting heavily under her breath.
"Asher?...Hey Asher!" Kamijou said in alarm, looking over at Misaka when she felt her forehead. "Is she okay?"
"She will be since I think she just over did it with her ability. But it's better safe than sorry to take her to the hospital still, though. Especially since she needs to get her ears checked out and to make sure her electrical signals and brain patterns are normal. There could be a chance she'll revert back to how she was just now, so it may be a good idea for her doctor there to check her out to make sure she's stable and give new Amps for her ears." Misaka explained, seeing Kamijou bridal carry her as they made their way out of the alley.
Silence fell between them for a while, before Misaka let out a heavy sigh that caught Kamijou's attention.
"I may still find you to be one of the most annoying people in this city," Misaka began as a blush fell on her face. "But thanks for what you did and said to her. You were right. She needed to hear that coming from someone other than me. And even if I didn't think you would be the best candidate, I guess…you did well all things considered."
"Awww, is that actually a compliment, Zapper?" Kamijou asked, turning back to look in front of him and not noticing Misaka's eyebrow twitch ever so slightly. "I didn't know you even had it in you to say something like that to me."
"Tch, you're so lucky that you're carrying Zierdan. If you hadn't, I would've fried the mess out of you for that comment!" Misaka said in frustration as the blush on her face grew even stronger, hearing Kamijou's laughter echoing off the walls of the alley.
Word Count of Chapter: 9262 |Page Count: 15 pages |Reviews: 62 | Followers: 50 |Favorites: 40
I know I said the light at the end of the tunnel would be seen, but as I said above I split this chapter, so it will be more prominent in the next chapter:)
Review Replies
velvetsthetic: Yeahhh, Z and Misaka are relatively the same in regard to the 'don't mess with my friends' button that should never be pressed in such a manner like this one.
So, I'd say that she technically does have complete control over them (gravitons) in terms of trying to control someone else's like Kaitabi's (if the energy is needed). When it comes to how her ability is different in terms of Kaitabi's, she more or less condenses and lessens the amount of gravity/gravitons in the space at times to fit her needs.
In all, I would say she has a broader approach in terms of her control of gravity by not focusing all of her energy on controlling gravitons to that extent. But if energy permits, she could if she wanted to.
Blankow: I honestly can't tell you the secrets of my update/writing speed as it also surprises me since I finished these chapters in about two-three days. They were done yesterday, but I sadly needed to edit them which is why they were given today:)
I thought it would be nice to show Kuroko's and Asher's one on one actions with each other. They may argue at times, but they still can be more civil without any supervision from Misaka herself.
Even though it led to some unfortunate consequences, all that Asher needs to know to create something of that scale is just to calculate the dimensions for what she wants for herself to use her ability. She just tends to limit herself (kind of like Shokuhou in that sense) to prevent herself from getting overwhelmed by too much. Since she is known for having many applications of her ability, I thought it would be a nice showing of skill that isn't really an offensive or defensive attack.
If Misaka hadn't met Asher at all, I think she would have become something close or even worse than someone like Accelerator. She probably would have lost hope on people a long time ago if it hadn't been for that. All the level 5's do seem to go through their struggles of their own darkness with Asher, Misaka, and even Misaki to some extent having their friends to keep them away from it.
Even though it probably wasn't the meeting you envisioned for them, I hope it was still good to see that Touma now knows some of the history surrounding Asher's character.
gaidzani: I tend to update this story in pretty quick spurts somehow. You're welcome! I like doing the review replies as a way of interacting with you guys to some extent if you have any questions or just confused on something overall. Or just give thoughts on something from my or your perspective.
I can get confused at times too when it gets to how Asher would react to certain things as I have to take in mind of her state of mind at that time since she tends to keep a lot of things to herself.
Thanks! I am pretty motivated right now to keep writing chapters out. The rate will probably slow down towards the end of this month, though, since college is starting back up again. I will still be writing it behind the scenes, so don't worry.
Someoneluck: Thanks! JoJo seems to be so popular that even I (one who still hasn't seen it really) knows the references so you are good as I enjoyed reading it as I laughed aloud. I have no clue how I'm writing these chapters so quickly. It just ends up being I'll sit down just wanting to write 1000 words and then it ends up being 5000-8000 words at the end of the day *shrugs shoulders*
Yep, Asher's PTSD has been the highlight of these last chapters. It hasn't been seen prominently until now, since she's been actively ignoring it or at least trying her best to through the use of her friends which she has been away from mostly until now. Even though it wasn't to the extent of Project Waveinflux, Evil/Dark Asher has made another appearance with the light nods to it in the last chapter and very much seen in this one.
I thought it would be nice to give Asher a role within the Graviton situation, since she is the top esper of Gravity. So it seemed like a nice change in terms of cannon where it was Misaka who approached the Graviton Bomber.
LostNeko120: You're welcome:D
Thanks for your reviews!
-PurpleClover99
