CowgirlBlondie – Well, then, here's more! Thanks for reviewing!
EsmeAmelia – Thank you! I'm glad that you like Han and Leia's banter in this. And it's nice to know that the story is energetic.
Skychaser – Yes, I realize that is a bit like a collection of vignettes, which I suppose is a result of me trying to come to some sort of conclusion in every chapter and then writing each one individually. I'm glad you're enjoying this story, though, and thank you for reviewing! I suppose Han does deserve a good kick at some point, huh? ;)
There are only about four chapters left after this one, so don't be leaving now!
Chapter 71
When it had reached mid-morning on Ican'tbelieve, the Solos, Chewbacca, and Threepio exited the Falcon in order to make the best of their stay. They would be leaving the next morning, and they wanted to do as much damage…or, enjoy themselves as much as possible.
However, their day was not going to go as planned, if Fabio had anything to do about it. He was poised on his noble steed in front of the Falcon, silhouetted by the sun and all its magnificence, hair whipping in the wind and his very presence mocking all the mere mortals surrounding him.
The (other) creature bucked, and Fabio leaned back, facing the group and running elegant fingers gently through his glorious mane, before slowly bringing down his hand, clenched in a fist, so that it rested against his dignified brow. He closed his eyes with pensive flair, and began to speak.
"My friends, my allies…"
Then he fell off.
Han started laughing, while Leia went to check on the fallen idol, pitying him.
"I am but hurt," he whispered before fainting.
A half hour later, Fabio came to with the help of his servants' fanning. He squinted one eye open, seeing a crowd huddled around him, then quickly shut it again, moaning softly.
"The horror! The horror!" he murmured.
"What was that?" Han asked.
"Fabio say…the horror, the horror!"
"What's the horror? The fact that you miserably fell off, or the fact that you're hurt?"
"Han!" Leia exclaimed, shoving him gently.
"The horror…the horror is…my hair is mussed," he sighed. "Do you…have a comb or brush?"
"Uh, no, I don't have either of those. Leia likes the messy look," Han replied, grinning impishly. "In fact, I think you would have better luck with the ladies if you didn't worry about your hair so much. I think you tend to scare them off."
"You think…women scared of me? But Fabio so tan, and beautiful, with such long, blond hair. He so cultured and…mysterious."
"Yeah, except you have the wrong idea. Women don't go for the nice, cultured men - they go for the scoundrels. I know from personal experience."
Leia rolled her eyes and attended to Alden, ignoring the men, but Fabio sat up.
"You think Fabio should be a scoundrel?" the prince asked attentively.
"Well…I really don't think it's possible, but you would get more women that way."
"Fabio will be a scoundrel. Will you…help me, Han?"
"I guess, since I'm the expert. Let's see," he began, rubbing his hands together, "first you have to lose the weird accent thing. Some women like accents, but yours is just stupid."
"Should Fabio talk like this? The world is a little bit brighter already."
"Well, that's better, but you need to stop using your name when you're speaking. I don't go around saying, 'Han is amazing' – I would say, 'I am amazing.'"
"I see. I won't say, 'Fabio is beautiful' – I'll say, "I am beautiful.'"
"Exactly. Next, you need to stop looking like you came off of the cover of an idiotic romance holonovel. Cut your hair, and get some normal clothes."
"But I did come off the cover of an idiotic romance holonovel," Fabio protested.
"I really don't care. If you want my help, you listen to what I say."
Fabio's lower lip quivered. "Okay."
"You see? There's no way you can ever be a scoundrel if you act like that. It's not the scoundrel way. You have to act tough, and tell people when they're wrong."
"But Fabio no…"
Han glared at him.
"I mean…I don't think I can do that."
"That's fine with me. It's not like I care what happens to you, or if you ever get lucky."
"But I want to get lucky!" Fabio exclaimed, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Leia looked at Han accusingly, but her husband just shrugged.
"Well then, you have to listen to me," he told the prince.
Fabio nodded.
"Okay. If you do everything I said, you're off to a pretty good start. The main thing you have to do, though, is act casual. Don't try too hard."
"But I have to try hard to be a scoundrel," Fabio whimpered, and then began weeping openly. "I just…can't do it! I can't beat you!"
"What in all of Corellia's hells are you talking about? I didn't want you to beat me; I just wanted to get you to stop acting like such a sissy. There's no way you could beat me, anyway. I'm Han Solo, for Sith's sake."
"But the whole point was to beat you. I thought if I could be like you, Leia would want to be with me instead."
Han glared menacingly at the smaller man. "You were trying to take Leia away from me this whole time? What sort of warped plans were you coming up with in that tiny little mind of yours?"
"Pretty much just this one," Fabio gulped, preparing himself for the worst.
