Hey everyone! Look, I'm alive! Here's a new chapter for all you pirates fans, though it was written far before the new movie came out and the ride was altered. Thank you so much for your continued support!

Chapter 73

Han stared at the fallen prince, hand still clenched in a fist. Fabio was motionless, but was luckily still breathing. Han threw a side-glance over to Fabio's servants, did a double take, and realized that he might be in for more trouble than he had imagined. The servants were looking somberly upon their fallen master, and Han was afraid that at any moment they would begin to go after him.

One of the fanciest-looking servants approached Fabio, gently held the back of his hand against the prince's forehead, and nodded. He stood up, facing Han.

"My name is Kirmo. I am one of Master Fabio's most important servants. You have injured my master, sir, and there's only one way we can respond to such an action."

Han flinched, ready for an all-out attack by Fabio's faithful menservants, and poised his fists readily. Kirmo slapped his hands together, which Han thought was a sign to his fellow servants, but the gesture was repeated again, and slowly increased in tempo until he and the rest of the servants were clapping fervently in Han's honor.

"Thank you sir, thank you so much. We are greatly indebted to you. I, and the rest of my colleagues, have wanted to perform such an action upon the esteemed prince for many years. Is there any way we can repay you?"

"Yeah," Han responded, grinning. "First of all, I want to be able to leave this planet."

"That will be no problem, sir. You are already cleared."

"Good. Then, second of all, I've been wanting to go back somewhere I went awhile ago, and I was wondering if you could get me some tickets…"

The next day…

"I'm so glad we're back at Corellia Land, Han. I think Fabio was driving everyone crazy," Leia stated, leaning on her husband's arm.

"I'm not exactly someone who would argue with that. I think we deserve some free time, after that evil trip the government sent us on."

"Well, where should we go? We have a baby now, and I think we went on almost every ride last time."

"Don't worry, I know just the place."

Han led Leia and Alden to a chained-off area that was surrounded on both sides by winding ramps, leading upward. They followed the path of the right ramp into an antiquated building, where they were met with the peculiar sight of a line of people bordering a small river full of tiny, ancient floating vessels. Each vessel was filled with humans and nonhumans in various types of gaudy garb, energetically (or perhaps drunkenly) singing the words to a song that Han and Leia had never heard. They were intrigued, and stood in line until they came upon a Mon Calamarian dressed in what looked like striped rags.

"Arr, how many people be going aboard?" he asked, leaning forward.

"It's just us two, and our baby," Leia replied, thrown somewhat off guard.

"Arr, hold on tight to the wee one, this be a bumpy journey into the pirates' cove," the Mon Calamarian warned.

"Sure – of course," Leia replied hesitantly.

"Arr, then ye be going in row four I be thinkin'."

Without another word, the three piled into the fourth row of the rickety-looking vessel. Looking around, they discovered that it appeared as if they were outdoors, though they knew that they had entered a closed building. The sounds of foreign insects buzzed, and various creatures seemed to call out to each other among the brush. Nearby, people dining at a riverfront restaurant ate their food excitedly. This was definitely a strange place.

Suddenly the vessel began moving, and they slowly began their ride down the river. They passed an old man on an old-fashioned repulsor chair, lit dimly by the candle in his lantern, and approached a bizarre, talking skull with a large black hat attached to the wall. He spoke to them with grim resolve, and as they drew under him, they began falling rapidly through blackness into a pool of water, which splashed them without remorse. Before they could regain their bearings, the vessel fell again, and they reached a blue-tinted cove with the sound of cheerful music echoing throughout. Alden began fussing, but Leia quieted him quickly by pointing out to him all the wonders of the cove. The music rose, and soon the words "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me" were intelligible.

"Hey!" Han exclaimed. "This is my kind of ride!"

They passed by skeletons surrounded by piles of gold and jewels, which glittered so brightly in comparison to the dreary cave that it was almost impossible to resist the urge to reach out and grab a fistful of the treasure. However, they quickly passed the paradoxical scene and were once again shrouded by darkness. An eerie voice called out,

Dead men tell no tales

An elderly-sounding man then added, "Perhaps he knows too much. He's seen the curséd treasure; he knows where it be hidden. Proceed now at your own risk. These might be the last friendly words you'll hear. You may not survive to pass this tale."

Dead men tell no tales

They drew out of the cave and into a misty fog, which almost chocked them with its thickness. They emerged from the veil of white into a scene much like a space battle – a gigantic vessel was engaging fire with their enemy. The shots seemed to only nearly miss them, and Alden began crying uncontrollably, much to the exasperation of both parents. They tried to calm him down, but he was inconsolable. Other passengers turned around in annoyance and glared at the baby, as if he could conceive of their wishes. His cries were soon droned out and eventually hushed, though, as they approached the next part of the ride.

Human-like droids were yelling at each other, and chaos abounded. A man tied to a rope was being tugged up and down a well, with the scoundrels around him demanding his acquiescence. The other side of the river showed a pirate offering "wenches for brides," and brought about Leia having to hush Han repeatedly about his lewd jokes.

As they passed under an overhang, they approached a building with open windows depicting women (presumably the wives) running after the men inside, cooking tools in hand.

"Ah, so this ride is quite realistic," Leia teased.

"I'm sure they're just chasing the men because they're scoundrels. We're irresistible, ya know," Han returned.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"You're such a scoundrel."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

They kissed quickly (not that they didn't want to kiss for a longer duration, of course), and as Han wrapped his arm tighter around Leia's shoulders, they approached the merriest scene (from a pirate's perspective, at least) they had encountered so far. The pirates were all drunkenly singing the song that they had heard at the beginning of the ride as they wobbled about and clung to each other for support. The catchy song was soon being sung by everyone aboard the vessel, Han and Leia included, though the only words anyone seemed to know were "yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me".

It seemed to be that as soon as the cheerfulness began, it ended. The next room they entered had three jail cells with begging pirates behind bars, with a small creature holding the key between its teeth innocently.

"That's not right," Han blurted, somewhat strangely. He jumped up as if he were about to go free the imprisoned pirates, but Leia grabbed his arm and forced him to sit back down.

"Han – it's just a ride. They're not real," Leia reminded him.

"I know that, but this ride's sending out the wrong message."

"And what's that?"

"That pirates are bad."

"But pirates are bad."

He paused, and replied with, "touché."

The vessel floated through pirates drunkenly shooting at each other, and began traveling upwards. The last pirates to appear were attempting to pull a bag full of treasure up to the surface, quite unsuccessfully. Skeletons littered the stone edge of the river, reaching forth as if to endeavor to escape their fate. The vessel reached the top, and dropped back into the original section of the ride, pirate-less. They passed a lit up treasure map, and then the ride was effectively over.

As they stepped out of the vessel, they said, in concurrence,

"Let's go on it again."