School this week isn't so bad… and by that I mean Vickie leaves me alone and so do Jasper and Edward. It's like our little weekend didn't even happen. I honestly don't care. It's easier to pretend it never happened anyways. They ignore me, Alice bounces anytime she walks past Jasper, and my dad is barely home.

Alice says she's going out with Jasper on Friday night, and she practically sings her excitement on the way to school Friday morning.

"What are you going to wear?" I ask, laughing at her joy.

She radiates her own perfection—her lips are glossy red, her black jeans are holey, and her knee high boots click clack against the pavement in the parking lot.

"Something sensual, but classy," she says, tapping her slender, manicured finger against her chin as she walks past his old beat up car.

Alice pays him no attention as we walk, and as I glance over at Jasper, I think it bothers him just slightly. He straightens and although his eyes are hidden behind dark sunglasses, I know he watches Alice walk by confidently. I can't help the smirk that tightens my lips. Jasper matches my smile.

Alice is quite the girl.

I grab her hand and whisper, "you're bad."

She looks over and winks. "All the best girls are."

I take one last look behind me where both Jasper and Edward are now leaned against Jasper's car, arms crossed, staring at us. It's the first I notice they having matching sun tattoos on their elbows.

The day passes easily. A pop quiz greets me in English and Math, but I'm confident I ace both. By the time lunch rolls around, I'm almost walking on clouds. Almost.

I walk into the lunchroom and there, at the safety of my table, are Jasper and Edward.

I take my time in line, grabbing a banana, a turkey sandwich, pudding. Anything I can fill my tray with, anything that will tick away the seconds.

I'm only in line for seven minutes, eight by the time I make it over to where Alice has a seat saved for me. Victoria and Mike now join Jasper and Edward.

I'm sandwiched between Mike and Alice, across from Edward, and nervous because my safety blanket speaks quietly to Jasper next to her.

"Hey babe," Mike says, throwing an arm around my chair.

"Hi," I say quietly, picking up my sandwich and taking a large bite.

"Should you really be eating all those carbs?" Victoria asks, her lip curls in disgust.

I look down at my tray. It's just a normal lunch.

"I mean, you could stand to lose, what, 20 pounds?" she asks with a confident smirk.

I'm taken aback, and usually I'd have a strong retort, but I'm taken off guard by their intrusion at my table.

I continue looking down, swallowing not only the lump in my throat, but the bite of turkey sandwich I just took.

"Don't be a bitch," Mike says in my defense. He pulls my chair closer to his and leans into my ear. "You look fine," he whispers.

I nod at Mike and let him kiss my cheek. I'm suddenly not hungry. I push my tray away gently and wonder if I can scoot away to the library or something. Just as I decide to escape, Edward leans into Victoria's ear and whispers something. She peels back and smiles, standing to walk away. I settle back into my seat as he watches her walk away.

After a few minutes, my stomach settles and my nerves loosen up. Mike rubs my back and plays with my hair.

Taking a peek at Edward is easier than I thought. While he doesn't have a lunch in front of him, which I find odd, he's slugging back a carton of chocolate milk and listening to Mike carry on about some guy gypping him out of two ounces.

"I don't know if he thinks I'm a fucking idiot or what—"

"He probably does," Edward says jokingly, leaning back in his seat, one arm around Victoria's empty chair.

Mike gives a sarcastic laugh and bends to kiss my cheek. "Catch ya later, Babe," he says sweetly.

His public displays shouldn't weird me out, but they do. Edward watches the encounter more blatant than I watched his. After a couple minutes, I play with the pudding on my tray.

"Don't listen to Vic. She's bulimic." The simple statement shows compassion and it pisses me off.

I shake my head, grab my pudding, and walk up to the lunch line to fill the top with sprinkles. When I return, Jasper and Alice chat away about the best pancake toppings. I want so bad for these misfits to go away so I can have my friend back. It's awkward when half of the four of us are talking and the other half aren't. But that all changes when I sit down.

"Sprinkles?" Edward asks.

I nod and sort of smile to myself. "My mom used to put them on—" I start but then stop, looking down at the chocolate pudding and rainbow wax. I can hear my mom's soft voice in my ear. Her eyes would sparkle anytime I had something sweet. She kept a huge containter of rainbow sprinkles for any occasion.

"Our secret," she'd say with a wink. Once, she even put them in my oatmeal.

"I remember," Edward says calmly.

When I look up, his eyes are on mine finally. I hate him in this moment. His stupid hair and those eyes are still the same. Rose red lips and fair skin. Eyes that make me dizzy. How fucking dare he. What, has he had time to get over whatever I did? Has he finally forgiven me for the wrong doing I still don't even fucking know I caused? Is this his way of moving on after seven years of bullying, betrayal, and silence? Red creeps into my neck and swallows my cheeks whole. My eyes shoot lasers.

I have to get out of here.

I remember in the meadow that day of her funeral. The look of pure pity and tear tracks that stained his cheeks. The sun in his hair and the last day I had him as my best friend.

I glance back up at him and he's just opening his mouth to say something else when I grab my tray and roughly stand. The scrape of the metal on linoleum catches Alice's attention, and when she looks at us, she knows somethings up.

"What did you do?" she asks him.

My heart beats into my throat as I dump my tray and bolt out of the double doors. I run to the library and past the circulation desk. I run behind the last row of books and flatten my back against the bare wall, sliding down to my bottom.

Minutes tick by. The bell rings. More time passes. I can hear the door of the library open and close and then I hear her boots against the thin fabric of the carpet. Alice finds me and slides down next to me. Her arms wraps around my shoulders, pulling me in.

"You okay?" she asks finally.

I nod.

"I forget sometimes he used to be your friend," she whispers. "Was it about your mom?"

After a moment I nod. "It was stupid. I don't know why I lost it," I admit. "She used to put sprinkles on everything," I tell Alice. "Ice cream, cupcakes, even one time on mashed potatoes."

"Ew," she laughs. "Was it good?"

I laugh with her. "It was awful."

It feels good to bring her up in a normal context, remembering her for her silliness and not cursing her for getting cancer. I smile softly as Alice tells me her mom once caught a pan on fire trying to boil water.

When the bell rings, we stand and head to the last class of the day.

"Alice, do I need to lose twenty pounds?" I ask her self-consciously.

"Never," she smiles, kissing my cheek.

~!~

It's Friday night and I'm bored. Alice just texted me Jasper's picking her up in ten minutes and she wants to know what kind of underwear to wear.

None I text back.

Slut she responds.

Twenty minutes later, I text Mike.

What are you up to?

Thinkin bout u he responds less than a minute later. Wanna cum over?

I stop the eyeroll before it happens.

No car.

Ill get u. send address

I think about it before I text him the address of the abandoned house across from the playground. I'm sure if he wanted to, Mike could ask around for my address, but I don't want him knowing just yet.

I slip on leggings and a slouchy sweater before heading down the to playground. Twenty minutes later, I can hear the rumble of his engine as he turns down the quiet neighborhood.

"I was getting a little nervous, not gonna lie," he admits, leaning over to kiss me as I get in the car. I let him. This must surprise Mike because he leans in deeper and runs his tongue across my bottom lip.

"Let's go before someone robs you in this nice car."

"Would that happen?" he asks seriously.

"Anything is possible past the train tracks," I tell him honestly.

Mike and I sit on his couch and watch the end of a movie before he makes a move. His hand travels around my waist and up the hem of my shirt as he pulls me into kiss him. Eventually, I end up on my back with him above me. Mike isn't a horrible kisser, honestly, but there aren't a lot of fireworks. When he pulls my sweater off, I let him because what the hell. If Alice is getting some, I want some too.

Next is my bra that he struggles with, so I arch and help him unclasp it.

"Your tits are amazing," he breathes, leaning down to taste each nipple. Mike settles between my legs, rocking into me every now and then. After a while, he asks, "can I?" while pulling at the waistband of my leggings.

I nod, letting him sit up to pull spandex down to my knees. It's not very comfortable, in fact it's very awkward, all of this, but I want to feel something. I want to be a normal seventeen-year-old girl who gets felt up by the star football player.

Mike dips his fingers into my underwear and smirks.

"I like my girls well manicured," he whispers into my ear. I'm sure he means it to be sexy, but it's not.

He has a hard time finding my clitoris, and at one point I have to tell him he's rubbing my pee hole and to please stop because it hurts. Mike sits up and tries again. He stares at me, watching my face as he presses large circles to the left of my clit, and I don't have the heart to tell him to stop, so I fake it. It's the best performance by a lead actress this decade because next thing I know, Mike pulls me up and onto my knees and begs me to get him off.

"You don't even have to put it in your mouth, Bella, just wrap your hand around me. Please. Fuck," he grunts, palming himself over his pants.

I throw him a bone and give him a handy. He's long and very skinny. His shaft becomes engorged and swells purple-red just before he grips my wrist after a few strokes.

His dick dribbles cum slowly and I wonder if that's all there is to it. His hips lower and he relaxes, so I guess it is.

"Thank you," he whispers. "Wow, Bella, I didn't expect…" he trails off. "When I invited you over I didn't mean for this to happen."

Instead of responding, I ask for a rag, and he jumps up to grab one, cleaning me off. All is said and done by eleven, and I fake a yawn, asking him to drop me off at the playground.

"Not home?" he asks suspiciously.

"I meet Alice here on Friday nights." It's not a total lie. There are some Friday nights we did meet up here. "You'd be saving me a trip."

"Oh, okay," he says.

We pull up and Mike leans over to kiss me. I don't want to, but I kiss him back.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he says I shut the door with a nod.

SOS. Playground ASAP—hope you enjoyed Jasper's dick. I text Alice after awhile. Surely they're done, right? I mean, it only took Mike and I ten minutes.

Coming! She responds.

That's not the first time I heard that tonight. I tell her, easing her into the drama.

Oh my god!

Not even five minutes later a car pulls up and it's Alice and Jasper. He sits on the swing next to her and for some reason, I don't feel embarrassed to admit the comings and goings of my evening. I guess the bottle of moonshine she pulls from her bag doesn't hurt, either.

"Did you come?" she asks.

"He thinks I did."

"Your first hook up and you had to fake it? Oh fuck, I'm sorry," she says sadly.

"He couldn't find my clitoris!" I wheeze. "He was rubbing my urethra! My pee hole, Allie! And then, and then! And then he asked me to get him off—"

"He did?" she says, hanging on to my every word.

"Yes! I threw the poor guy a bone and jerked him off."

Jasper listens intently. He laughs when it's funny and nods when it's not.

"What was his dick like?" Alice asks with a giggle.

I grab the bottle and take a shot, chasing it with the can of coke she provides.

"The whole thing was just weird. I feel bad."

"Small, huh?" she says.

"I don't know. It was the first one I've seen with my own two eyes! It was long and skinny… like a pencil—"

"Oh fuck, he's got a pencil dick," Jasper says with a laugh.

"And when he…" I start, trailing off because I'm suddenly embarrassed.

"When he what?"

"When he, you know…"

"Jizzed?"

"Yeah, when he jizzed," I say with a giggle, "it wasn't like the pornos I've seen where it goes, like, everywhere… it just sort of… spilled out."

"Spilled out?" Alice asks.

"Yeah, like dribbled out. Like threw up a little."

At this point, Alice is wheezing from laughing so hard. She falls off her swing, and so do I. We're a mess of laughter and tears on the old mulch below us. Dust settles into the night air around us. We catch our breath and finally sit up, and that's when I notice him. He leans against the pole behind Japer, arms crossed, looking like the devil in a black Haynes shirt. Pale skin mixes like creamy milk into the deep black ink of his tattoos. I wonder again about the forest of trees climbing up his forearm.

"When did you get here?" I ask.

Edward stares. "Somewhere between your lost clitoris and Mike's pencil dick."

Jasper cuts in. "You bring the shit?"

"As asked," Edward says, dropping his backpack at Jasper's feet.

"It's not lost!" I yell drunkenly to the stupid boy in all black.

Edward smirks subtly. He stance says annoyed, but his lips look playful. "Oh, yeah? Have you found it?"

I don't dignify his question with a response, but my squinted eyes and crossed arms, sloppy and exaggerated from too many shots, match his annoyance level.

With no other words, the two boys walk down the grassy hill onto the blacktop and start their graffiti. I have to shake him off. Literally. A chill creeps up my spine and spreads like tiny hairs tickling my skin. I feel it harden every goosebump until my stomach somersaults and settles.

"Tell me everything," I say to Alice as soon as I've recovered.

"I had the polar opposite evening," Alice admits with a smile. "I didn't have to guide him anywhere. That boy—no, that man—knew the way around my pussy like he'd been there before. He made me come over and over Bella," she says, leaning back in the swing, totally satisfied.

This sends me. I laugh so loud I was sure I'd woken up whatever crack addict was passed out in the alley down the street. I fall backwards out of the swing and land back first on the mulch. Alice falls too, and again, we are one ball of besties, laughter, and ease. This is the best night I've had in a very long time.

"And?" I encourage.

"And what?"

"Was he a pencil dick like Mike?"

She scoffs and shrugs. "I wouldn't know."

I look at her like what are you talking about?, but she smirks devilishly. "He got me off, Bella. Not the other way around."

Alice proudly hmphs next to me in satisfaction.

"Was he mad you didn't?"

"Nope," she tells me honestly. "Jasper's so used to getting what he wants when he wants it. I'm here to teach him that Alice Brandon bows to no man."

We spend the evening there, on our backs, counting stars and airplanes and bats as they fly around the ink-stained sky. Occasionally, the boys down at the courts would laugh, but mostly the white noise of spray paint cans fill the silence.

I know Alice is tough, but I can't stop this nagging feeling of hurt or suffering or pain that eats at me. I'm not sure if it's my own or Alice's, but I feel compelled to say, "Be careful, Allie."

Alice nods in understanding. She's not like us. Alice acts tough, but she comes from good. She's not used to the let down, the hurt, the disappointment. Sure, her mom ran off, but her dad's been a solid parent since then. Alice's trauma isn't less, but it's not the same.

Jasper and I? We're pieces of shit. We're molded together using the same worn, infected thread, anchoring us into a hole, a life, we'll spend most of our adulthood trying to climb out of. But we can't because it's filled with mud, and the walls crumble from our struggle.

"I'm trying," she finally whispers back.

Just before one when the street lamps turn off, the boys finish up, and we pile into Jasper's car. I'm too drunk to walk home, so I don't even fight the ride. We drop off Edward first, and I watch as he sneaks to the back where I know the window to his room is. Nostalgia almost rips a cry from me, but I swallow it and look away. Too many times we'd climb out of his bedroom window when his parents would fight—it's how we first discovered the meadow.

The meadow. A place I haven't let myself dream about since I was twelve and Edward called me fat in front of his friends on the same day my dad called me "Renee".

Next is Alice. Jasper helps her out and into the house quietly. He could have just left her on the swing on her porch, but he gets her settled on her couch and I watch as he turns on the lamp next to the TV.

Back in his car, he quietly drives us away from our friends' three story, manicured homes, across the train tracks to where we belong. Long weeds stand tall, victorious from the fight between gravel and brick and concrete. They force themselves through cracks in the exterior and never waver in wind.

"Last stop," Jasper says as he pulls onto our street. He parks at his house but walks me to mine. My dad's car is in the driveway and I swallow hard. If I hadn't sobered up by now, this definitely did it.

"He hit you lately?" Jasper asks quietly.

I don't even deny it this time. I'm too exhausted to make up a lie, so I don't. And for the first time, I feel relieved. "Doesn't happen a lot." I tell him a half-truth. "Just when he's—"

"Really fucked up?" Jasper finishes and I nod. "Yeah, I've heard that before," he says. "You ever hit back?"

I shake my head and look down. I could never… what would happen if he kicked me out? Or the neighbors heard and called the cops. CYS would take me and everything I'm working for would be for nothing. I can feel the tightness in my chest and my breaths quicken.

Jasper doesn't press me for more information.

"Alice is nuts," Jasper admits with a smile.

"She definitely is," I agree. Shaky breaths turn from nervous to relaxed as I think about my best friend.

I climb the lattice to my window and undress quietly. My dad's drunken snores sound all the way up stairs and under my door like a white elephant. It's heavy and greasy and I can't stop my hand from grasping my throat. I'm choking on the uncomfortable sensation of living as a stranger in a place that should feel safe.

~!~

Over the next few weeks, Mike walks me to every class, Victoria "accidently" bumps into me any chance she gets, and Alice and Jasper play hot and cold.

"Wow," Mike says to me on a random morning. "Your hair looks really good."

I slept at Alice's last night—our water got shut off and the city couldn't get someone to turn it on for two days—and I let her curl my hair. Mike's fingers move in slow motion to the tips of my hair that sit atop the swell of my breast, a place Mike sunk his teeth into just last weekend. Alice really had a field day with that.

Just as Mike curls his fingers into my hair and leans to press his lips to mine, Victoria shoulder checks me from the back.

"Twat," I mutter, rolling my eyes.

Mike smirks and shakes his head, leaning down to kiss my cheek. "See ya, babe."

I shutter but not in the way you'd think after a cute boy calls you babe.

Alice saunters over to me, directly past Jasper who pays her absolutely no attention. With his back against the dark grey, metal lockers, he chews on the end of a pen cap as he watches Edward and Ben discuss whatever the hell they're discussing. Anytime I ask her what's up with them, she evades, so I know she's not ready to talk about it yet. It should hurt but it doesn't. I understand secrets. This is day ten day without talking, and enough is enough. So, at lunch, I push her for more.

"I'm not folding first, Bella. I'm a strong bitch," she says permanently.

I shrug because okay, whatever. I don't tell her it's been two weeks since he's been at the playground, or two weeks since I've seen him walking around the neighborhood, or two weeks since he's even looked in my direction. I don't care one bit, in fact it makes it easier, but I can't stop my brain from screaming he knows! every second of every day.

In school, he acts cool, calm, collected. Sometimes he watches Alice as she prances past him. No smile, no frown. He's totally blank. Neither Edward nor Jasper stop the onslaught of name calling Victoria and Jessica put me through.

"Skank," Victoria says in the hall one morning.

"Cunt," Jessica retorts.

I look at them like they've grown four heads. Surely not me, a girl who barely made it to second base one time, is the skank here, right?

I apply for a part time position at the public library and get it! Fifty cents above minimum wage, 15 hours a week. It's not a whole lot, but it's a start.

Mike asks me out the last week of September, and I oblige. Maybe I can teach him where my clitoris is. He picks me up from work on Friday night and we head to dinner and movie. Cliché, but okay.

The movie theatre is packed full of students from our high school. I recommend a seat in the back, and quickly regret it. Hopefully he doesn't think this is me inviting him to get it on back here. I mean, maybe if the theatre wasn't so packed, or maybe if it was someone other than Mike… but then I rescind that thought. Don't be a bitch I think for the rest of the night.

Mike grabs snacks and drinks while I save our seats. The few rows in front of us are empty for now, and I take the time to sit back and judge all of my peers because I'm a horrible, judgy bitch... wait, wasn't I trying not to be one?

Katie and John are practically fornicating several rows down. Michelle talks to Bobby so loud I can hear their entire argument. Cameron and her best friends share popcorn and throw it at the guys in the rows in front of them.

How can these be my peers?

With that thought, a gang of misfits turn left into the aisle and fill the two rows of seats in front of me. Everyone is here. Victoria, Jessica, Jayne, Irina and all of their friends. Ben, Eric, Tyler, and all their friends.

They smell like Victoria's Secret body splash, mint, and skunk.

I'm only slightly relieved when I see two prominent boys missing.

Mike comes back with Reese's Pieces and popcorn with extra butter.

"Thank you," I tell him. He really is kind when it's just us two. In the car, his hand never left my knee. He let me talk about my new job, and even asked what my favorite books are. He's the boy next door, full of charm and sweetness with a dash of bad boy, and I'm still trying to figure out if those proportions work for me. It's like he's got all the pieces, but they don't fit together.

Mike sits down and leans over for a kiss. I don't know why, but I deepen it just slightly. Mike takes the opportunity to cup my neck and press his lips harder against mine. He feels warm and kind and safe. I let him kiss me until Victoria turns around and makes a gagging sound.

"Try a little less teeth next time, sweetie," she teases.

"I don't think I'll take lessons from the girl rug burn on her knees," I snear.

Victoria pulls the bitchiest part out of me, and I shouldn't let her get to me but I do. Knowing where she comes from, seeing her house worse off than mine, should be eye opening—we're battling demons.

She's about to open her pretty red lips again, but a tall boy in a dark hoodie plops into the seat next to her. He doesn't turn around, but I know it's him when he puts his arm around Victoria and the black edges of the forest tattoo spill out from under his arm. It's wrapped in plastic and I wonder if he hurt himself.

Half way through the movie, and I'm bored to tears. Mike, engrossed in the gore, only has eyes for the screen.

Edward still has an arm around Victoria who hides behind her hands. Eric and Jayne makeout two rows up. Ben and Jessica whisper in each other's ear every and now and then, and Jasper— wait, Jasper?

I lean forward getting a better look. Jasper? He's sitting next to, who is that? Some blonde with long hair. What the actual fuck.

Jasper is here at the movies with some blonde tramp I text Alice.

For real?

For real, for real. The fuck is up? Want me to say something?

No, but let me know if they hook up.

On it.

I watch them like they're the movie. Twenty minutes later, he puts his arm around her. Five minutes after that, he leans in, brushes her hair from her neck, and whispers who knows what into her ear. He gets closer and closer until he can't go anywhere else. The room goes dark in a suddenly suspenseful scene, and I'm on the edge of my seat. When the theatre fills with light, I notice the shine on his wet lips as he pulls back from her neck.

I gasp so suddenly a piece of popcorn lodges in my throat.

"I know!" Mike says. "Can you believe he cut her tongue out?"

Ew.

I keep watching, confused about what Jasper is doing, and I fight the urge to yell at him right here. I settle in my seat and cross my arms, no longer hungry. I turn my attention back to the movie and notice now that Edward has his tongue shoved so far inside Victoria's mouth, I'm sure he can tase her tonsils. They stay this way, both Jasper and Edward, until the movie ends.

"Let's go," I tell Mike, standing to put on my coat quickly. If I don't get the fuck out now, I'm bound to say something to Jasper.

We make it to the end of the row but get stuck by the rest of the people exiting. Fuck fuck fuck.

Jasper and this blonde bitch are right next to us. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I pray Mike shuts the hell up before Jasper overhears. Mike does, but Jasper notices me right away when he turns to look behind him.

"Hi," Jasper says.

He looks bored. Uncaring, unapologetic, unwavering in his decision.

I glower at him as menacingly as I can before pushing my way into the aisle and exiting the building.

"You okay?" Mike asks.

I shake my head because no, I'm not.

"What the fuck was that?" I ask Mike.

He shrugs. "I don't even know who that girl is he was with."

Again, I shake my head, and I let him take me back to his house. Tonight, his parents are home, but he has no problem sneaking me into his basement.

I kiss him, but the entire time I think about how hurt Alice is going to be. When Mike puts his hand up my shirt, gripping my breast, I no longer think about Alice. His fingers rake across my budding nipple, and the smallest moan bubbles out from between my lips.

"God, Bella," Mike moans into my mouth. "You're so…" he trails off, lifting up to pull my sweater overhead. He bends to taste my nipples over the lace of my bra. When his teeth scrape against me, I arch my back. This feels good.

He peels off my pants, and I let him touch me again. The search for my clitoris goes as expected, and he takes my squirming as a good sign. Tears of frustrations well behind my eyes—I need this.

"Mike, can you do me a favor?" I ask after a few minutes.

"Yes," he says breathily.

"Put your fingers inside."

He doesn't need to be told twice. Mike licks his fingers to wet them and slides one in slowly. His fingers are almost as skinny as his dick, so I don't feel a whole lot at first. He adds two, and the sensation tingles in the strangest way.

"Faster," I ask.

"Fuck," he spits breathily.

Mike speeds up. He rests his body on his arm and hovers above me. I can feel my breasts bounce as he fingers me. Maybe I could almost get there if he'd just go faster or harder or literally anything else. When I snake my hand down between my thighs, something I've only done a handful of times since I hit puberty, Mike almost loses it.

He watches me intently as I rub my clit. I hope he takes notes.

Suddenly, Mike stops. He sits up and pulls out his dick.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuuuuck," he grunts as he jerks himself off over me. His cum leaks out onto his jeans and dribbles onto the blanket under us.

I try not to look too disappointed, but the female equivalent of blue balls fucking sucks.

"God damn, you're so tight, Bella" Mike grunts. "I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like… and then I…," Mike admits like it makes up for his premature ejaculation issue.

One hour and a very painful vagina later, Mike takes me home. Before I exit the vehicle, I turn to him and tell him the truth.

"Mike, I think it's best if for now we just stay friends."

"Friends?" he asks, taken aback.

"Yeah, I need to really buckle down this school year and with my job, I just don't know if I have time to commit to—"

Mike cuts me off. "You're dumping me?"

"We weren't really—"

"Okay, Bella. It's fine. See you later."

He stares straight ahead and guilt consumes me. Maybe I should have overlooked his shortcomings, maybe he's the best I'll ever get, maybe I should get out of the car. Mike barely waits for the door to shut before he speeds off down my street.

No car in my driveway lightens my mood slightly. A dark figure walking across the street captures my attention. It's him. I don't know if it's my aggression from not getting off, breaking it off with Mike, or my anger for what he did to my best friend, but I boil over.

"Hey!" I call loudly.

Jasper stops and turns. The way he smokes his cigarette makes him look cool, and I hate him for it.

"Hey, what's your problem?" I call.

"What's up, Swan?" he calls back nonchalantly.

"I said, what's your deal, Jasper?"

"With what?"

By now, I've crossed the street and I'm matching his long legs stride for stride.

"With that girl? I thought—"

"You thought what?" He interrupts abruptly.

"I thought you and Alice—"

"Would what, live happily ever after? You thought she'd get over what a fuck up I am? Guess what, people from the other side of the tracks don't get with us, Swan. You should know that by now," he says aggressively.

"Bullshit. Alice is my best friend. She doesn't care that I'm—"

"Of course she doesn't care where you're from, you wont have to provide for her."

"She's not like that, Jasper." It's a lie, and I can't stop myself from telling it.

"They're all like that, Bella. The sooner you realize that—"

"Woah, woah, woah… who the hell is this?" another voice asks. It's deep and sexy and when I turn around, I'm floored.

We've walked down to Jasper's house, and turned into his driveway during our talk, and now one of the cutest guys I've ever seen stands tall in front of me.

"Jake, this is Bella. Bella, Jake," Jasper says, stubbing out a cigarette and lighting another.

"How you doin', baby?" he asks.

"Baby?" I question in disgust. "I'm not your ba—"

"Watch this one. She's feisty," Jasper jokes, clapping Jake on the shoulder as he turns to walk to the back of his house. It's dark save for the streetlamp at the end of the drive way. Jake is tall and dark and totally handsome. Jet black hair shoots out from his head and fuck me but I just want to run my hands through it. When he smiles, it's blinding. The blush creeps up my neck and lights up my cheeks. I wonder if he can see it.

"You live around here?" he asks, putting his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

"Yeah. You?" Please say yes.

"La push."

"The res?" I ask.

"Total Native," he jokes. "Cut my hair in rebellion over the summer. Totally pissed off my pops. Worth it." He talks like a surfer, but I don't mind it. "You got a boyfriend?"

Not anymore. "No."

"Sweet," he says lowly. "Come around back. Let's chill…," he starts. I hesitate. "Unless it's past your bedtime, princess?"

I check my phone. It's not even eleven. "Okay, for a few minutes." But only because you're hot and only because I'm horny.

Jake puts his arm around my shoulder and guides me to Jasper's backyard. There's a fire going and bunch of people that I've never seen sit around it. Old tires line the chicken wire fence, and there's a tan shed that looks pretty new in the way back of the yard with a light on. I watch as Jasper exits the shed and locks the door.

Jake and I talk for a while. Turns out he's a year younger and met Jasper through a mutual friend.

"He sells me weed. Sometimes pills. Mostly weed. How do you know him?" Jake asks.

"Uhm, I don't really know him," I admit because I don't. "My friend sort of dated or hooked up with him. I don't really know."

"Who's your friend?"

"Alice Brandon."

"Ohhhh," Jake says, connecting the dots.

"Do you know her?"

He laughs. "I know of her."

I can't help the chuckle that bubbles out. "Did he talk about her?"

"Not directly, but that's guys for you."

Jasper sits down next to another guy with very long wavy hair and packs green into the end of a blue-purple glass pipe. He takes a hit, lighting the green he just placed in, and passes it to Jake who take the biggest hit I've ever seen. I cross my legs uncomfortably. I wonder for a moment where Jasper's parents are, but then shake my head. I don't really care, and I'm sure neither do they.

"Here," Jake says, handing me the pipe and lighter. The end is still hot, and it glows red.

"I've never—" I start, but then Jake puts the end to my mouth and instructs. He holds the lighter and tells me to inhale until I feel it burn. When I do, he instructs me to keep it in as long as I can and then blow it into his mouth. I nod when I'm ready, and Jake puts his lips so close to mine without touching. He sucks in what I just exhaled.

"Baby's first shot gun?" he asks.

I shrug because I have no fucking idea. All I can think about is his earthy breath mixed with the sensation of his bottom lip on mine. After some time, he leans in to my ear and I think he might kiss me. Butterflies swirl around before he breathes in the scent of my hair.

"You're, like, really fucking pretty. Do you know that?" he asks.

"And you're, like, really fucking high," I joke back.

He laughs because he agrees, and I laugh because his bright smile makes me. Normally, I'd feel weird, unwelcome, unwanted in a group of boys and a few girls I don't know. Something about the feeling of Jake's arm slung around my shoulders makes me feel safe. For this moment.