The most disturbing, anxiety provoking, fear inducing thing that I can imagine is my biggest secret being discovered: lovely little Bella is abused by her alcoholic father. Tonight, that came damn near to happening.

Being around Jake and his easy laughter makes me feel weightless. I forget what awaits me across the street. Abused Bella gets snubbed out by Normal Bella, so I let him shot gun me and blow smoke in my face, and kiss the corner of my mouth when no one is watching. When Victoria opens her dumb mouth, and I've had enough, I let Jake walk me home, only we don't make it far.

He asks if he can really kiss me, and I meet him half way. Thin, wet lips attack mine and his tongue wrestles for dominance. He pulls back and with his eyes asks for permission to put his hands in my pants. Thick fingers trace the skin above my pants and when my belly quivers from anticipation I nod yes.

The tips of his fingers trace the outline of my slit and as he presses against my clit through the thin cotton of my underwear, my head smashes against the cheap siding of the house. He languidly strokes my slit a few more times, and I cannot believe it feels this good. Jake presses a finger into the fabric of my underwear just above my clit, and rocks up and down, concentrating on the tight bundle of nerves that has just been discovered. I cannot form words or thoughts. I can barely remember to breathe as I reach to grip anything that will ground me in this experience. The jarring sound of glass connecting to siding and raining onto concrete causes us to jump. The muffled yelling follows suit.

"Fuck," Jake whispers, pulling his hand from my pants and walking back from where we came from. Like a puppy in search of a treat, I follow.

Around the corner, Edward hovers over some kid and beats into him. Jake goes to pull him off and Edward shoves him back, into me, and I'm falling to the ground before I can stop. The fleshy meat of my palm breaks my fall, but I'm coming down to hard, so it slides and my skull connects with concrete. For a moment I can't hear, or see, or breathe. Then my hand is in someone's palm and I'm on my feet, and Jasper's instructing Edward to call his dad.

A doctor.

The hospital.

No.

I don't remember a whole lot until Dr. Cullen wheels me into a bright, sterile room. I shiver from the cold and the pain of glass being pulled from my palm.

"How have you been, Isabella?" he asks quietly.

"How did you—"

Dr. Cullen looks up. "Remember my son's first and only girlfriend?" he laughs softly. I cringe at the sudden memory of seven year old Edward kissing my cheek, handing me flowers picked from the meadow, and calling me his girlfriend. "I'd know you anywhere, sweetie. You look exactly like your mother." He whispers the last part as tenderly as he can.

I smile softly. My arm and my heart sting the same in this moment. "Thank you," I tell him.

Very few people around town still remember my mom. Mrs. Lang at the grocery store, Mr. Jones at the hardware store, and now Edward's dad. Every compliment stings. My mom was beautiful, and while I carry some of her striking features, I resemble a mix of both my parents.

Dr. Cullen works efficiently.

"You're going to need stitches," he says after cleaning the cut and removing shards of glass covered in thick red. "Did your dad's insurance change since your mom passed?"

"Uhm, yeah I guess. He lost his job. No insurance now."

"I see," he starts, looking right at me. His eyes are a clear blue. They're friendly and gentle unlike his sons. "I'm sure I can get this covered. I'll talk to billing tomorrow—"

"Can you just put a bandaid on it or something? I can't really take that chance, Dr. Cullen. I can't afford—"

"You misunderstand me, Isabella," Dr. Cullen says immediately. "It will be covered." His fingers busy themselves by pulling out a suture kit and cleaning the area.

I calm slightly and nod. "Okay."

Dr. Cullen takes his time stitching me up. He moves me wrist around and when I hiss, he asks if it's tender. I nod. It's been tender since my dad "accidentally" pushed me onto the kitchen floor last year. He does a quick exam, bending and circling it, touching where it's tender. It clicks when moved to the right.

"Did you get an injury here?"

"Yeah, I uhm, I fell on it a week ago," I lie.

"This is an old injury, isn't it? No swelling or bruising…"

"Oh, maybe it was longer than I thought. Are we done here?" I ask, impatient to go.

"Nearly," he says with a smile.

He cleans up his area and asks the nurses for some random medical items that I couldn't even remember the names of if I was offered a thousand dollars. When she comes back in, I snap my neck and whine, grabbing the back of my head.

"She's bleeding," the nurse says.

Dr. Cullen examines. "There's blood down your back and your shirt. Does this hurt?" he asks, pressing a finger into the bottom right side of my skull.

"Yes," I hiss.

He pushes my hair away to the other side and cuts the neck of my shirt.

"I will get you another top," he says as I protest.

"Bella, I think it's best we do a scan just in case. I'm not sure how hard you hit your head, but there's some concerning amount of blood."

I don't even care at this point so I let him do whatever. The old nurse braids my hair slowly so it's out of the way, and I carve crescents into my palm. My mom used to do the same and I remember running away when she'd try. Now I'd give anything to have her being the one to braid my hair.

"Such long, silky hair," the nurse says. "It's very soft."

If I answer her, I'll cry, so I say nothing.

The machine is scary, and small, and just as I feel like I'm going to lose it, the bed pulls me out and I'm back into the wheelchair. Dr. Cullen appears a little later and says everything looks good but to be careful with the wounds.

"Thanks for everything," I tell him honestly. "If there's a bill—"

"It's taken care of," he smiles softly. I see the kindness in his eyes and wonder where all of Edward's went.

In the lobby, we fight about who will take me for my follow up in two weeks to get the stitches out, but I give up knowing full well I'll just take them out myself. Jasper walks me to the car and buckles me up like I'm an invalid.

"Let me fucking help," he sighs after I bat his hands away.

Dejection and blame lace his voice, so I let him buckle me in. I'm almost asleep before Edward pulls the passenger door open.

Halfway home, I call out over the music, "you didn't have to be so mean to Jake."

Edward turns in his seat and looks at me. "I wasn't."

"You were. You told him to go home."

"He overstayed his welcome."

"Something tells me you don't think he's the only one—"

"Shut up, Bella," he says, annoyed.

"You shut up, Edward! You don't just get—"

"You mad I didn't let him finish getting you off?" He says quietly. This time he smirks because he knows. Edward saw us.

If I could cross my arms and pout right now I would because yes, yes I am mad about that!

Jasper pulls into his driveway and I'm still pretty mad, but I'm ready to go home. It's late, and when I step out of the car, I can see my dad's car in the driveway.

"Shit," I whisper. Climbing up the lattice will be trickier now with the stitches.

Jasper and Edward walk me to my house even though I tell them not to. All the lights are off except my desk lamp that makes my room glow

How the fuck am I going to explain this to Alice?

"You good?" Jasper asks, lighting a cigarette and inhaling.

"Fine," I say.

I scale the wall, but I'm not as quick or as quiet as normal. The withered plastic digs into my gauze covered wound, but I make it finally. When I look down, though, neither boy is there. I'm glad they didn't stick around to see my struggle.

~!~

"I have to tell you something," I tell Alice the next morning.

"Okay, what?"

"Pick me up in an hour. It's a long story."

We hang up and I jump in the shower. I can hear my dad's snores from all the way in my room, so I know he's not awake yet. In the shower, I scrub my hair with one hand, keeping the hurt one wrapped in a towel and dry. It's sore and sensitive, but I've felt worse.

I pull on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I don't hear my dad's snores anymore as I walk down the stairs. He scares the shit out of me when I round the corner to the kitchen.

He's bent over the sink, scrubbing. No doubt he's cleaning up his puke, but at least it's him this time and not me. He turns and looks and grunts. Every few weeks, my dad takes a day off from drinking. It's his cycle. Probably when his liver or kidneys or maybe his barely beating heart tells him to knock it off, he'll take the day and clean up his mess—he dumps all his beer cans in the trash, scrubs the floors, washes his piss soaked clothes. Today must be one of those days.

"Going somewhere?" he asks gruffly as I stuff my feet into a pair of dirty, white Vans.

"With Alice," I tell him, exiting the house.

He pisses me the fuck off during these cycles—he can't go from hitting me weeks ago to caring about my wellbeing today.

"Who's Alice?" he calls.

"Only my best fucking friend since I was eleven," I mutter, running down my steps. I turn left and walk down the road. I guess I'll just meet Alice. I'm walking for only a few minutes when I see her car. She unlocks her door and greets me.

"Spill it, bitch," she says.

I tell her about the movies, and kissing Mike, and Edward eating Vickie's soul, and Jasper with that blonde. She doesn't stop me or say anything, so I pause.

"Well?" I ask after a moment.

"He didn't technically do anything wrong, Bella," Alice explains evenly.

"What do you mean?" I ask as though she's being completely absurd.

"We talked about it. Neither of us are really interested in… more."

I feel like I'm in bad movie right now. "Didn't you tell me he's like so hot and you want to—"

"Fuck him? Yes, yes I did say. I never said I wanted to be his girlfriend and live happily ever after, Bella."

"So… so you don't care he was kissing another girl?" I ask skeptically.

She purses her lips and thinks. "Not particularly. I will say that I wasn't going to play the field while he and I fucked around, but if he's going to, so will I." Alice's snarky tone comes out to play, and I feel a little more normal now.

"Good," I tell her. "That leads me to the next part of the night," I start, lifting my hands and pulling back my sleeve. "And how this happened."

"Jesus, Bella!" she says, glancing over at my bandaged palm.

"Long story short: Mike and I fooled around back at his house. He couldn't get me off again… well, it could have maybe happened, but then he nearly came in his pants, Allie. I feel so bad, but I'm like dry as a bone when he and I are together."

"That's definitely not good," she agrees.

"So, Mike takes me home, and I'm still so pissed at Jasper, right? I see him walking home and I call out to him. In more words, I basically tell him he's a fucker, and then this big guy interrupts us. Now, don't be pissed, but Jake invites me to the fire in Jasper's backyard. I go and sit with Jake. We talk for awhile—"

"Is he hot?" Alice asks, interrupting.

"He's really hot. Tall, native American, short black hair, cute smile…" I trail off, reminiscing. "Anyways, we start kissing and then fucking Victoria and her big ass mouth starts. I'm over it, so I stand to leave. Jake goes to walk me home, but then we stop at the side of the house and he—"

"Oh my god!" she screams in excitement. "Two guys in one night?"

"That's what Victoria said. Am I a—"

"No," Alice says. "Not at all. Good for you."

"Jake's such a good kisser, and I already have blue balls from Mike, so I let Jake touch me."

"Did you come?"

"I was damn near getting there when this huge fight started in the backyard." I shake my head, remembering. "Jake goes to break it up and I follow. It's Cullen and Jake's friend, and Cullen is beating the shit out of him. Jake tries to stop him, but Edward shoves him off and Jake stumbles backward into me. I fall back, catching myself on a piece of broken glass. Jasper and Edward take me to Dr. fucking Cullen where he puts stitches in here," I finish, lifting my palm.

"So basically, Edward's the reason you got those stitches?" Alice asks.

"No," I defend initially but then think about it. "Well, I guess?"

Back at Alice's, I let her cut open the gauze, clean my wound, and wrap it back up. She hands me two prescription strength ibuprofens, and then we pass out on her couch.

Alice and I don't wake up until my phone rings just after three in the afternoon.

"Hello?" I say groggily into the phone.

"Bella?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"Hi, this is Jacob Black… from last night." He sounds nervous but calm.

"Oh, hi Jake," I say, yawning.

"Did I wake you up?" he asks with a laugh.

"Uhm, yeah kind of I guess. I was just napping with my friend."

"Is this a girl friend or a boy friend?"

"Girl friend, Jake."

"Oh, okay, nice."

"What's up?"

"Right. So, I'm throwing a little party down here at the rez tonight. Bonfire, beer, marshmallows, that kind of thing. Please come."

"Can she bring a friend?" Alice interrupts.

Jake full on laughs now. "Yeah, the more the merrier."

"Do you have any hot friends?" she asks.

"I'm sure I can find someone for you," Jake tells her.

"Bella says you're hot, so make sure he's as hot as you—"

"Allie!" I call, pulling the phone back to shut her up.

"I'll text you that address," Jake says. "And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can't wait to see you."

Jake hangs up and I smile down at my phone, saving his number.

"Is it weird I have butterflies?" I ask Alice.

"No!" she giggles. "Bella's getting laid tonight! Bella's getting laid tonight!"

"No, not laid. I'm not going to lose my virginity to some guy I met last night at a party in the middle of the woods."

"Why not? That's hot. I lost mine to—"

"Eric Yorkie in his pool house," I finish. I know this story like the back of my hand because I was fucking there. We were at a pool party in the middle of July with half the grade when they went missing for ten minutes.

"And it was the best thing I ever did just getting it over with. It opened the door for many other suitors," she explains, and I just shake my head.

Alice and I relax until early evening. We eat dinner and then start getting ready. Jake had texted me the address, and she put it in her GPS on her phone. We know it'll take about 30 minutes to get there, and we don't want to be too early, so we plan to leave around 9:30.

"Can I curl your hair?" she asks, and I agree. She curls my hair sometimes when we're just hanging out, and I love it so much I tried to buy a cheap curling iron, but it broke in two days.

While she curls my hair, I put on makeup. I wing my liner, and really exaggerate my lashes with mascara. I pull out a pair of dark skinny jeans and Alice lets me wear an off the shoulder red sweater. It was really lose on her, but fits like a normal sweater on me.

"Here, wear this," she says, wrapping a black choker around my neck, clasping it tightly in the back. "It'll make you feel like sex all night."

Alice dresses similarly to me, but she trades a sweater for a plaid button up and Vans for combat boots.

"I'd do us," she says, spritzing a fine mist of perfume around us.

Can't wait to see you Jake texts as we finish getting ready.

Likewise I send back.

I'm nervous as we drive to the party. I don't know if it's because of Jake or if it's because I won't know anyone, but I confuse anxiety for butterflies and vice versa. When Alice pulls up, we hold hands as we walk through someone's backyard into the woods a few yards, and finally into a clearing where a huge bonfire provides just enough light. There are dozens of people who all look fairly similar—long, black, shiny hair, dark eyes, and darker skin. Some greet Alice and I kindly, some do not.

We find the table with cups and keg. Alice pours us a cup, and we drink quickly. I'm filling my second when arms wrap around my waist.

"Bella," Jake says over the music.

I turn in his arms and kisses me on the lips. "Hi," I say nervously.

"And I'm Alice," my best friend interrupts, offering her hand.

Jake looks down and smirks. "Hi, Alice." Jake cocks his head to the side where an equally tall, just as handsome guy stands, arms crossed. "This is Embry," he says.

Alice smiles slyly and slithers up to him. "Hello, Embry," she says, waving to me as they walk away.

"Is he nice?" I ask, worried for my friend.

"I don't think he's the one you should be worried about between those two," Jake laughs, and I join in with him.

He reaches down to touch my palm. "I'm sorry about this," he says softly.

"It's mostly a scratch—"

"Jasper said you got some stitches."

"Did you ask about me?" I ask with a smile.

"Of course. How else was I going to get your number?"

I pull back, confused. "Jasper doesn't have my number. He's not even my friend."

Jake just shrugs. "Can I show you something?"

I nod, sipping my beer. We walk further into the forest, past the clearing, and into a tiny wooden cabin. "This is a hunting cabin, but we don't use it as that anymore," he explains, flipping on a few flashlights throughout the small cabin.

"No? What do you use it for?"

Jake's smirk stirs something in me. The butterflies start in my belly but travel southward.

"Different things," he says quietly.

"Oh yeah?"

He walks closer to me.

"Yeah."

His lips lower, tasting mine gently until I comply, and then he places his large hand on the small of my back, closing the distance. There's a small, one person cot in the corner that would barely fit me, but there is a loveseat against the opposite wall, and Jake backs us up, falling onto the old cushions, pulling me on top of him. My knees go on either side of his hips, and he lets me control everything.

I kiss him hot, heavy, needy. His grunts spur me on as does the growing hard on between us. I grind down, and Jake puts his hands on my hips to help. I try to make this as least awkward as I can, but it's really my first time in this predicament, and I'm glad he's helping.

"Jake," I moan as his lips move from my mouth to my neck and down towards my clavicle. He pulls my sweater overhead and then unhooks my bra.

My breasts bounce in front of his face and soon in his mouth. The moment he scrapes his teeth against my nipple, he presses his hips up, and the whimper that leaves my lips is louder than intended.

Jake tries to unsuccessfully put his hand down my jeans, but this position doesn't allow him to, so he flips us, laying me down on the couch, slipping his hand into my undies easier than before. His lips are on mine as his fingers tease my lower lips. He spreads them and drags his middle finger from my opening to my clit.

Holy. Shit.

"Fuck," I moan softly, my hips quivering. This is nothing like being with Mike.

"You're so wet," he whispers.

I can hear the party growing louder from inside this quiet cabin as Jake slowly circles my clit. My breathing picks up and soon I'm gasping.

"Let me see you come," Jake moans into my ear.

"Yes," I plead. Just a little more. I move my hips to help him hit where I need it. I gasp as he presses harder. "Yes!" I moan louder. "Oh my god—" I start, but the sound of someone's boot kicking in the door stops us both.

"Fuck!" Jake yells as someone pulls him off me and throws him into the small, makeshift kitchen. "What the hell, Cullen?" he asks in surprise.

Cullen?

"You were two grand short, Black," Edward yells, raising his fist to deliver another blow. "I told you last time—" Edward punches then kicks then punches again. "I'm not someone you want to fuck with, Black."

"Seth has it!" Jake yells back, trying to fight Edward off. Jake is physically bigger—broader shoulders, more athletic looking—so he must not be fighting Edward back for other reasons. What the fuck is going on? I'm still laying on the couch, frozen in fear.

"No he fucking doesn't!" Edward's anger fills the room until I'm suffocating. This anger is different than last night. This anger is frightening.

"He does. I gave it to him myself."

Edward backs off Jake long enough to say, "Then why, when I went through his bag this afternoon, was it not in there with the rest?"

Jake looks totally confused. "I don't—" Edward punches his ribs. "I don't know! Fuck!" Jake's loss of breath makes him sound weak.

"Remember what I said last time? You only get one warning—"

"Don't," Jake says, standing taller. "Don't touch him—"

"They're not my rules, Black. You know that." Edward sounds numb for a moment before he stands tall. "You better get to him before I do. I'll give you a head start."

Jake moves quickly, ignoring me altogether as he runs out of the cabin. It's just me and Edward, and he turns slowly, leaning against the wall. We meet eyes. Mine are confused, like totally and utterly lost. His eyes are rage-black, and his chest heaves as he pants.

"Put your tits away, Swan," he says, pushing off the wall. "No one wants to see that."

My cheeks burn with embarrassment. I stand to grab my shirt and bra. He doesn't turn around, so I do.

"You can leave now," I tell him with a quivering, embarrassed lip, throwing on my bra and sweater. The fact that Edward Cullen walked in on Jake fingering me and has now stared at my bare breasts burns my skin with blistering humiliation. I turn around and button my jeans to find Edward smirking.

"Did he make you come, Princess?" he asks with a condescending, lazy smile.

Princess. It's like he says it on purpose. It's like he's reminding me of everything I'm not or will ever be.

I'm so beyond pissed at this point that I say anything to get him to fuck off. "Many times," I say with a smile. "I'm mostly upset I didn't get to feel his huge dick inside me."

Edward doesn't miss a beat. His snort says you liar. "I guess you'll have get your cherry popped some other time, Swan."

I laugh it off like it's funny even though I'm uncomfortable. "I'm no saint, Edward. There hasn't been a cherry on this sundae for a very long time."

"That right, Bella?" Edward says, walking closer. He pins me into a corner. If I step back any further, I'll fall into the couch. Edward ghosts his hands up and down my arms, not really touching but the closeness feels heavy. "Then why when I do this do your nipples harden?" Edward bends down and presses his lips onto the black fabric of the choker and my nipples betray me.

"Because I'm not a dead fish like Vickie. My body's responsive; her body is used to a train being run on it."

Edward genuinely laughs at this and backs away. His fingers land on my palm and I try to pull it back, but his grip is stronger. He unwraps the gauze Alice fixed this morning, opening the bandage and dropping it on the floor.

"You need to leave this open," he says, looking at my lips, and I nod twice in agreement.

Edward and I leave the cabin together because there's nothing else do in there.

"If you're going to smoke with Black, don't use the shit he gets from the rez," Edward says. "It's laced and shitty quality."

"How will I know?"

"Ask him what strain it is."

"Okay?"

"If it's not Dove or White, don't fuck with it. Or do. Whatever. It's your funeral."

I'm getting whiplash, and I mean to ask him what his problem is, but then Alice runs up to me.

"We gotta go. Now."

"Why?"

"Huge fight and someone called the cops," Alice says, grabbing my wrist and pulling me through the crowd.

"Who's fighting?" I call out.

"Jasper," Edward says like he already knows.

"Is he okay?" I ask, but Edward's gone. "Alice, is he okay?"

"I don't know!" she calls. "I'll call him when we get the fuck out of here. Let's go."

Alice and I maneuver through the crowd until we find her car. She tries to reverse, but her car goes nowhere. I hop out and look around, thinking she's stuck in mud. She is stuck, but not because of mud. Someone slashed her front tire.

"Shit!" she yells. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"Where's the jack? Do you have a spare?" I ask.

"I can't change a tire, Bella—look at my nails!"

"Did I say anything about you?"

"You have stitches!"

"Alice!" I yell.

"I don't even have a spare!"

"Fuck!"

Just when I go to her trunk to look around, a black Honda pulls up and beeps. When he rolls down the window, Jasper asks, "Need a ride?" His busted lip smears red across his pretty white teeth, but he looks okay other than that.

Alice and I don't need to be asked twice. We hop into the backseat just as the sirens sound behind us.

"I'm never going to another party here again," Alice huffs, crossing her arms. I notice a red mark on the swell of her breast.

"What happened to your chest, Allie?" I ask, looking closely.

"Embry fucking bit my tit!" she says, pulling her shirt down and showing me. "Like, what the actual fuck?"

I'm stunned into silent shock until I can't hold back and keel over laughing. I laugh so hard I cry right into her lap.

"He bit your boob?"

"Yes!"

"Imagine what he'd have done to your vagina," I giggle.

Alice finally cracks and starts laughing with me. "What did you let Jake do to yours?" she asks suggestively.

Edward turns his head and opens his ears, so I lean into Alice and whisper, "his fingers felt so good."

Alice gasps and play slaps my arm. "Your dirty slut. I fucking love it."

The boys up front share hushed whispers, but I'm so over it, so I lean forward to hear.

"Can I help you?" Edward asks.

"Yeah, you can explain what the fuck is going on, Cullen."

They're quiet for a minute. Edward looks back and says, "we're going home."

"No, dumbass. Why did you guys break up the party? Why were you even there?" I ask.

"Why were you guys there?" he retorts.

"We were invited."

"Rez parties are always a shit show. Someone's taking Quaaludes or doing a line of coke or fucking in front of each other. They're ratchet. I don't even fuck with the girls on the rez."

I can't help but roll my eyes. He thinks he's some God. "Oh wow. Well if not even you mess with the girls, it must be bad."

Edward totally ignores my sarcasm.

"Jake should have never invited you guys. He knew it would be a blood bath tonight," Jasper answers.

"What does that even mean?" I ask.

"It means he wanted to get our attention, Bella! He used you as a pawn." Edward yells suddenly.

"Why?" I ask.

No one answers. Alice settles in next to me. The boys ignore us.

"How was he getting your attention? Why did he use me?" I ask.

Jasper looks to Edward and Edward shakes his head.

"It's nothing, Bella. He just… they owe us money and Jake was trying to get out of it," Jasper says calmly.

"By, what, hooking up with me?"

Jasper meets my eyes in the rearview, answering silently.

"So, he used me?" I ask, baffled. "Jake used me?" I don't know if it's the adrenalin, or the beers, but I am pissed. "That son of a bitch!"

"What a bastard," Alice agrees.

I sit silently, staring out the window, fuming inside. It begins to rain lightly then heavily and suddenly it's a full-blown thunderstorm.

"Are you okay?" Alice asks, leaning over, touching Jasper's shoulder.

"Yeah. I don't drink, remember?" he answers stoically.

"I know. I meant from the fight, are you okay?"

He laughs softly. "Yeah, they're a bunch of bitches. Where am I dropping you guys off?"

"Can we stay at your house, Bella? I can't go home without my car—"

"No, I can't sneak in with my hand in this rain," I tell her.

"Bella, please—"

"Alice, I can't. My dad will hear and—"

"You can stay in the shed," Jasper says. "There're couches and a TV in there. Might smell like bud, but it's better than your other options." Jasper glances at me in the rearview and I thank him with a nod. I hate that I may owe him one for this. We're not friends—we don't do overly friendly things. And we certainly don't have sleepovers.

We're quiet the rest of the way, and when we turn onto my street, I notice my dad's car still in the driveway with someone else's. Jasper and Edward share a look, but I don't think anything of it.

"I wonder who that is," I say out loud but mostly to myself. It's a black Durango, a polished diamond amongst the turds on this street.

We pull into Jasper's driveway as another crack of thunder sounds above us. The wipers swipe against the windshield, squeaking with each second. The rain grows heavier, and I can hear the splat of the fat drops on the metal roof.

Jasper turns the car off and stares ahead. No one moves until he does. "Edward, can you and Bella get everything in there set up while Alice and I talk?"

Edward nods and I guess I'm supposed to follow him? I get out and walk with him. It takes him a minute to open the shed, and we're soaking wet by the time we get in. Both of us are dripping wet everywhere.

Inside is much bigger than it looks from the outside. Jasper is right, I can smell the marijuana, but it's not too bad. On the right side is a large couch, a love seat, and a recliner chair that takes up most of the room. There's a rectangular coffee table cluttered with stuff, and a huge tv against the wall on the other side. There are some mismatched end tables with snacks and cups, and a minifridge under the tv.

"Earth to Bella," Edward says, waving a hand in front of me.

"Huh?"

"Here," he hands me a pair of sweats and a ratty t-shirt. "Change into these for now. You're wet."

I watch as Edward rips off his shirt and jeans. Tattoos continue onto his shoulders and down onto his chest. Barbells pierce through his nipples. A tiny cursive word blackens a spot across his ribs. Edward turns and pulls his boxers down, revealing his naked ass, which is tattooless, as he pulls on a pair of gray sweats. When he turns back around, Edward pulls at his crotch in the joggers. His cocky smirk irritates me.

The hand on his crotch moves. I don't think he's hard, but there's still a pretty prominent bulge. "See something you like?" he asks.

I squint my eyes and lie through my teeth. "I don't really see much of anything," I lie, gripping the edge of my shirt, waiting for him to leave. When he doesn't, I ask, "can you, like, go outside or something?"

Edward looks back at me like I'm the crazy one. "It's pouring. I'm not going back out there. Just change. You don't have a whole lot to see either, Swan." I guess we're both lying.

I roll my eyes so hard it hurts. My breasts are a full C, so there's definitely a handful, but if he wants to play this game, fine. I pull off my sweater leaving me in a black lacey bra. When I slip into the band t-shirt, I unhook and pull off my bra through the arm hole. I know my nipples are hard, it's freezing in this room, but Edward challenged me and I'm not about to back down.

I peel off my jeans that are almost painted on at this point. Edward turns around to get a pile of blankets and to turn on the space heater. I take this time to pull my wet underwear off, too. By the time he turns back around, the sweatpants are on and I'm sitting on the couch.

He bends to grab my clothes and puts them in a bag to stop them from dripping everywhere. When he stands up, I can see a better outline of his dick in the gray sweatpants. It hangs low and to the right, and boy is it long. A chill runs up my spine in disgust, but my nipples harden. Traitors.

I take a blanket from the pile and pull it around me on the couch. Edward sits on the other end of the couch, feet on the coffee table, as he flips through the channels.

"What are they talking about out there?" I ask, checking the time. "It's been like twenty minutes."

"You really that naïve, Bella?" he asks with a boredom laced tone. It's weird to hear him go from calling me Swan to Bella.

"Huh?"

"I don't think there's a lot of talking going on out there if you catch my drift," he says.

I shake my head in embarrassment. Duh!

"You sure you're not a virgin?" he teases.

"Shut up," I tell him.

We watch an entire episode of Friends and ten minutes of another and they're still not back.

"What is taking so long?" I ask to myself, annoyed that I have to sit in here with Edward like he didn't ruin my life, tease me beyond belief, ignore me for years. A huge bolt of thunder sounds outside, and we both jump at the noise.

"Some people like to take their time when they fuck," Edward answers.

"Whatever."

"Was Jake able to find your clit better than Mike could?" he teases.

I look right at him when I say, "for someone who hates my guts, you sure are awfully concerned about my vagina, Edward."

He doesn't respond, and I take this time to burrow down, curl up, and try to sleep. At some point, the door opens, and I can hear Alice's giggle.

"Bella," she whispers, but I keep my eyes closed.

"Let them sleep," Jasper says.

Someone drapes a blanket over my feet. Comfortable, I roll over and stretch my legs out. Alice must pass out laying at the other end. She holds my legs inside her own, and we tangle in each other. I sleep deeply, peacefully, heavily and I don't wake up until the ruckus starts the next morning.

I stretch lazily and yawn, moaning because that kind of deep sleep is something I don't get very often. When I open my eyes, the boys stare back at me.

"Morning," Jasper smiles.

I sit up immediately remembering where I am. Alice is curled up on the love seat under a fuzzy blanket.

"Who slept there," I ask, pointing to the spot with a folded blanket. I recall entwining my legs with Alice's, so I'm not sure how she got over there.

Jasper jams a thumb towards Edward, and I groan, laying back down.

"Slept isn't the word I used," Edward says. "Someone kept me up all night with her snoring."

"Me?" I ask. "I don't snore."

"How would you know? Your ass is sound asleep when you do it."

Edward doesn't mention falling asleep tangled together, and relief floods me.

Sitting up, I throw my hair in a messy bun. "I'm sorry," I tell them. "I don't normally sleep that…" I shake my head and stand. I notice how cold it is and cross my arms when I feel my nipples tighten. "Did you turn off the space heater or something?" I ask.

Jasper shrugs. Edward tosses my clothes at me. They're clean and dry. Someone must have put them in the dryer or something. I nod my thanks. My undies from last night are folded neatly on top. Of course he would do that. Anything to embarrass me.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I ask Jasper.

"Ordinarily, no, but my mom just left, so sure," he answers.

"What, no strange girls allowed in the house?" I tease.

He smiles and nods. "Something like that."

I follow him out of the shed and into the backdoor.

"No dad?"

"Not anymore," he answers honestly.

Jasper's house is set up like mine. Small eat in kitchen, large living room, powder room, and stairs. What is different, though, are the things inside. Family pictures line the walls, nice furniture occupy the home, and fresh soap sit on the counter in the bathroom. After I flush and wash my hands, I change back into my clothes while looking for toothpaste. When I find it, I use my finger as a makeshift toothbrush, and scrub my morning breath away.

We head back into the shed and the boys sit on the couch, so I fall onto Alice.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," I say, kissing her awake.

"Hmph," she groans, pulling the blanket overhead. As she stretches, I notice the small bruises peppered along her throat.

"Jesus, Jasper," I say, pulling the blanket down. "She looks like a lepper!"

Jasper doesn't say or do anything, but Alice's giggle tells me she had a good time, so I swat her ass and leave it alone. Alice falls back asleep for another twenty minutes, so I curl up with her, spooning behind her, and try to as well. Every few minutes loud whispers from the other couch rouse me, but I try to ignore.

"What's he doing?" Jasper asks.

"There must be a motive," Edward responds.

"Does Aro know about her?"

"I haven't heard anything."

"You know how he—"

"I fucking know, J."

Burrowing down doesn't help because I can still hear Jasper ask, "What's he doing with her dad?"

There is no response, and the room is quiet. I'm half asleep when Edward says, "someone should make sure her room is secure."

~!~

Jasper and Edward drive us back to Alice's car and change her tire in ten minutes flat.

"I thought you didn't have a spare?" I ask Alice.

"I didn't think I did."

"I could have just done this last night," I tell her.

"And break a nail, princess?" Edward teases, releasing the jack. His muscles stretch the cotton of his band tee shirt, and I take this moment to realize how broad he is. His wide shoulders taper down into an athletic waist. I saw him shirtless last night, but I guess I didn't really see past the tattoos.

I want to tell him to fuck off, but I bite my tongue only because he's helping us out now. Jasper pulls Alice aside and kisses her hard and deep. I can't help but stare at the passion he gives her. When Edward slams the door of Jasper's car, I do the same to Alice's.

Alice and I drive back to her house, and when we get there, I make her tell me everything.

"We talked in the car for a while. He sat in the backseat with me. I told him I don't expect anything and if he wants to see other people, that's fine but…"

"But what?"

"But I'm not going to fuck him if he's fucking other girls. You know, safety reasons."

I nod because that's smart.

"And he's okay with that?"

"He said he'll let me know if he sleeps with anyone else, and I told him I'd do the same."

"And then," I ask, pushing him for more.

"And then I finally gave him the best head of his life." She says it so nonchalantly, like it's everyday conversation. "What'd you and Edward do?"

"Uhm, try not to kill each other?" I say, sitting back with my arms crossed.

"He's so annoying, isn't he?"

"I thought it was just me who thought that," I admit.

"He was in an okay mood last night until he asked where Jake was, said he needed to collect a debt. I told him with you, and then everything changed."

"Is he why Jasper got in that fight?"

Alice shakes her head. "Nah, they were talking about money, and then one of them threw the first punch after Edward left. What a shit show, huh?"

I nod remembering what the boys said last night. "Can you believe Jake used me?" I ask her. "I'm kind of upset," I admit.

Alice nods. "It doesn't hurt so bad when you know you're being used, though."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, you know he just wants to hook up, he just wants to use you to get a rise out of someone or something, so as long as you know nothing more will come of it, I say do it."

I think it over and shrug. "Maybe. He does know where my clitoris is," I joke.

"Plus, you can probably do the same," Alice says.

"Do what?"

"If he's using you to get a rise out of someone, maybe you could use him to do that same."

"Who am I getting a rise out of?" I ask dumbfounded.

"Are you serious?" she asks, and I look at her like she's crazy. "When Edward found out Jake was with you in the cabin, everything changed. He stormed off—"

"Hold on. Are you insinuating that Edward was jealous?"

"I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but it's something, Bella. He's being fucking weird. When I walked into the shed last night, he was holding your legs to his chest."

"Edward hates me. He's teased me, made fun of me, called me names for years. He doesn't want me, Alice." The accusation actually infuriates me.

"I don't know, Bella. You never found out why he did all those things. Maybe he—"

"If you're going to say maybe he liked you I'm going to punch you in the tit, Alice Brandon."

She laughs because it's funny and I laugh because if I don't I'll cry. No freaking way Edward likes me, and Alice's insinuation makes me want to cry. For years he put me through hell, and I'll be damned if it was because some stupid crush.

Later that day, Alice tells her dad she got a flat and that I helped her change it. He's thoroughly impressed but concerned. His eyes dart to my hand with the stitches, but he doesn't comment. He has it towed it to a garage to get fixed, and Alice uses her dad's car to drop me off.

"Love you, bitch," she says, kissing my cheek.

I kiss her back and grab the handle to get out, but before I can, she grabs my wrist and motions to my house.

"You okay," she asks.

I plaster on the smallest smile I can muster and nod. "Yeah," I offer.

"Bella, you can tell me—"

"I'm okay, Allie. I promise." This lie hurts my heart.

Alice sits back and nods. "See you Monday," she says before driving off.

No car in the driveway means no dad which means I don't have to walk on eggshells. I do some laundry and clean myself up. Jake texts me, but I don't look at it right away. It's just after dinner and I'm bored, so I decide to head down to the playground.

The air turns cool, and I'm glad I put on this sweatshirt. I don't know why, but I let the events of the last few days get to me. I allow a few hot tears to fall before I smack them away. Meeting Jake felt like a high, but come to find out he's not even interested sort of upsets me. Maybe Alice is right, though. Maybe I should let him. I want to have experiences and memories, and I can't have those if I stay cooped up in my room afraid all the time.

At the playground, I sit on the merry go round and spin myself lazily before remembering Jake's text.

I'm sorry it says.

Yeah, well, you can be sorry for a little longer. I don't plan on responding to him anytime soon.

I'm here an hour before I hear the spray paint behind me. Slowly, I turn the merry go round and watch Edward in black joggers and a black hoodie work diligently on his piece. A headphone chord dangles from his ear into his pocket. He couldn't hear me even if I wanted to say hello, and I definitely don't want to.

I think about Alice's words from earlier. Edward doesn't like me. I don't even entertain the idea. If anything, he probably wishes I never existed.

But then why is he so concerned about Jake getting me off. And why was he staring at my breasts. I shake the thought from my head. I was staring at his dick, does that mean I like him? No, absolutely not.

I lay my back flat on the bumpy metal and spin myself again with my feet. This time of year is pretty tough—it's my mom's birthday in a few weeks, and I count down to it like it's D-day. The last few years, I've spent the day at the cemetery talking to her. This year won't be any different.

Memories of her smile, her laugh, her love fill my brain, and they play like a movie. I was eight when she was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. I watched her slowly slip away from the woman she was. It wasn't long before her body stopped functioning altogether. The malignant tumor was pressing on her brain, taking my mom away from me. Just before she lost motor control, my mom wrote me a letter that I've pretty much memorized at this point. One part I'll never forget:

Bella, please don't hate me. You have made me so incredibly proud, and I know you will continue to do so. You're a fighter, baby girl. Please remember one thing, though… If you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you.

Be good.

I will love you forever.

Mom.

I hope that I'm still making her proud.

~!~

On Monday, Jasper sits with us, but Edward and his harem do not. Alice and I work together on our English project in the library, and Victoria tries to start some shit, but I give her the finger, and she settles pretty quickly. Edward stands and walks away when Victoria calls me a whore.

"She's so goddamn annoying," Alice tells me as we pack up our stuff when the bell rings.

"She must give incredible head. I don't know why else any guy would keep her around," I joke.

My eyes roll heavily, but he doesn't see.

Jake tries to call around seven, but I let it go to voicemail. After thinking about it from Allie's perspective, being used doesn't bother me as much. Sure, Jake's fun and easy going, and from what I could tell he was a pretty good lover, and I think that's all I really want right now. If he wants to use me for sex, then I want to do the same.

But I'm going to let him sweat it a little longer.

~!~

Tuesday and Wednesday I do research in the school library on colleges, and I receive emails from the admissions offices of three universities that if I tour the campus, they'll waive the admissions fee. I wonder if Allie will go with me.

Edward just shunned Victoria Alice texts but I really don't care so I ignore.

Okay now she's accusing him of cheating. Wtf were they even together?! Don't know and definitely don't care.

She dumped her whole bottle of water over his head! Okay, this intrigues me a little and I can't help the small laugh that bubbles out of my throat. Last I saw them on Saturday night, they were as close as ever so I wonder what happened in the meantime.

Victoria skips science, but Edward doesn't. His hair is slicked back, wet from lunch, and a plain white tee shirt replaces his black Adidas hoodie. The stark black ink looks darker in contrast to the crisp white of his tee. Something about him, about this moment, attracts my attention and I can't stop looking at him. In fact, everyone watches, but he focuses on copying down the notes from the board.

Edward looks bored, like he's dealt with Victoria's bullshit before. He's numb to it, and maybe he is. The rest of the class looks on like Edward's the lecture. When I can gain control of my actions, I finish the assignment in 15 minutes. I walk to Mr. Banner's desk to hand it in and run into Edward.

He stops and lets me go first.

"Done so soon?" Mr. Banner questions.

"Really wasn't that difficult," I explain awkwardly, regretting the words immediately.

He grabs my paper and Edward's and grades them right there. Neither of us miss a question.

"Very good," he says waving us off. "Read chapter 17 and study for Friday's exam."

But I don't. I text Alice the answers so we can talk the rest of the class.

"You should have seen it," she whispers. "Victoria just stood up, screeched, and dumped her water all over him."

"Wonder what he said to her," I question.

"She's totally unstable."

Can we talk tonight? Jake texts, and I show it to Alice.

She giggles and says, "eh, make him wait a little longer. And then make sure he apologizes right to your—"

"Allie!" I screech-laugh, snorting not so lady like with my head thrown back in pure bliss. "You're so bad," I giggle.

Edward turns around and clears his throat. He's one lab table ahead of mine but with plenty of distance. No way he heard our conversation.

"Some people are trying to study," he says.

His head isn't totally turned, and I can't really tell if he's serious or not.

Allie mocks him when he looks away.

~!~

By Thursday night, I finally decide to answer when Jake calls.

"I didn't expect you to pick up," Jake says.

"I can hang up if you want?" I reply.

"No, no!" he hurries. "I wanted to apologize."

"Okay so do it."

"Well, that's it really. I apologize, Bella."

"For what, exactly?" I ask, wanting to know why it is he's sorry.

"For one, your hand." I stretch my palm and feel the ache of healing skin. It's starting to itch around the stitches and I ignore it. "And two, leading you on."

"Leading me on?" I ask.

"Yeah… I definitely don't want anything more, Bella. I'm sorry if I made it seem that way."

"Jake, did I make it seem like I wanted more?"

"Uh, no?" he questions.

"Good because I definitely don't."

"So, you just want, what? To hook up?" His smooth voice surprises me. He switches so easily from sorry to charming leading me to believe one of the two isn't sincere.

"That's all."

He chuffs. "I think I can handle that, Bella."

His arrogance pisses me off, so I tell him I'll call him some other time.

It's still early-ish, so I decide to head to the playground. It's dark, and my dad's passed out on the couch, so sneaking out won't be too hard. I dress in a thick black leggings, old boots, and the white sweatshirt Dr. Cullen gave me last weekend. It's definitely a little snug, but whatever.

I walk down the street and into the alleyway. Mr. Spear, a nice old bum, is passed out on an old mattress. If I look too close I might see the needles he attempts to hide. Usually, he says hello, but not tonight.

When I make it to the playground, I see the boys sitting on the cracked blacktop smoking. I decide to head over.

"Hey," I say, standing in front of Jasper.

"What's up?" Jasper greets. It's more a 'hello' and less of an actual question about my well being.

No one talks after a few minutes, and I get the distinct feeling I interrupted a conversation they don't want to have in front of me.

I'm about to stand when Jasper asks, "how's the hand?"

I shrug and pull it up to look. "It's really itchy but okay otherwise."

Jasper nods and stubs the rest of his joint onto the blacktop, pocketing it in a container for later. He stands, tall and lanky, and grabs the backpack full of spray paint.

Edward doesn't move closer, and neither do I, but Jake's words have me feeling a certain way, so I ask, "may I?" gesturing to his joint.

Edward looks from me to his joint to me again with raised brows. He pulls it to his lips and squints as he inhales, a trait of his I've noticed lately. He passes it to me and our ands bump briefly. He watches as I take the smallest inhales.

"You smoke like four times and all of a sudden think you're a stoner, Swan?" His words are light and so is his attitude. It's sort of nice he's not so on edge, but I remember he's still Edward.

"If my best friend is going to fuck your best friend, I figure I may as well try and fit in."

Edward sighs and shakes his head. "You're never going to feel the full effects unless you inhale deeper. Keep it in as long as you can, and then exhale."

My gaze lands on his.

"What exactly are the full effects?"

His dangerous, knowing smirk makes the ants march inside my belly. "Weightless."

I follow his directions and finish the rest of his joint, and I actually feel higher than I've ever been before. The world moves slowly. My heart pounds in my chest. The air in my lungs whistles in and out. I lay back and watch the black sky for what feels like hours and then giggle as I connect the stars into a penis.

"Do you ever watch the stars?" I ask.

I'm not even sure he's around anymore. For all I know Edward went to help Jasper.

"Every night," Edward answers quietly.

"I never noticed how magnificent they are."

Stars twinkle above in Morris Code, and I lift a finger to trace hearts and giraffes and bananas out of hydrogen and helium light years away.

"What else is out there?" I whisper.

Suddenly, a fresh joint is being held above me.

"I think I'm good," I laugh, pushing the hand away.

A chuckle sounds to my left. "Not for now, dumbass. This way, you can stop stealing mine and J's and smoke your own."

I sit up way too suddenly and it's like the world catches up with me. My torso leans too forward and Edward has to grab my shoulders to keep me up right.

"Dude, you're fucked. Maybe I shouldn't give this to you."

"I thought you said I'd feel weightless?"

"Not here," he says with a roll of his eyes, gesturing to my form before lifting his fingers to tap the hair on my head, "I meant here," and then presses his index finger into the thin cotton of the sweatshirt over my heart, "and here."

I don't why, maybe it's the way Edward says fucked a minute ago, but I tell him, "Jake just wants to fuck me."

"I know," Edward states.

"How do you know?"

Edward lights another joint and inhales deeper. I watch him, waiting for him to offer it, but he never does. I scoot my bottom so my front faces Jasper and hug my knees to my chest. For the first time in years, I'm not on edge around Edward. Maybe he's right. Maybe I finally am weightless.

"Apparently everyone wants to fuck you," he drawls slowly.

Looking over at him, the joint to his mouth, and his eyes so hooded I can barely see blue, his ease scares me.

"Not everyone," I laugh like he's absurd. Edward stares so intensely, my stomach ties in a knot, and I need to close my legs together to feel comfort. "Not you."

He chuckles and shakes his head confirming. Air that was previously stuck in my lungs finally blows out.

The settlement of something weird sticks to my belly, my fingertips, the back of my throat: dismay.

I talk with Edward about easy things for the next hour. Things that don't involve boys and who does or doesn't want to fuck me.

Instead, we talk about things like Mr. Banner, and those round pizzas they serve us for lunch on Wednesdays, and the art teacher who we think is sleeping with the gym teacher. His laugh isn't foreign, but it feels taboo, like I shouldn't be the one to make it happen and vice versa. There's still a disgusting, dirty, hurtful elephant in the room labeled with all the mean things we've ever said or done to each other, but I don't feel like acknowledging it right now, and neither does he.

So, we sit and talk and laugh and bet how long Allie and Jasper will last. It's easy to be this, and I almost miss the way things were, but I have to remember that was eight years ago. That meek boy and tough girl duo have been traded in for solo acts. Now, he's solid, powerful, angry, and she's wounded, rough, grudgeful.

~!~

On the way home, we walk through the alley and stop by Mr. Spear's makeshift home. He's in the same place, and while Jasper and Edward walk ahead, I don't.

Something feels off.

"Mr. Spear?" I call out.

Needles I originally ignored now shine brightly under three cell phone flashlights. Sharp points lay haphazardly along the mattress and beside the dumpster.

"Bella, leave him," Jasper says, jogging back.

"I think somethings wrong."

I kick the mattress and nothing. Jasper bends and touches his arm.

"He's cold."

I watch as Jasper tries to move his arm to find a pulse but can't.

"Why are his muscles like that?" I ask.

"Rigor mortis, Bella. He's gone."

A lump forms in my throat. I only knew this man to say hi and that's it, so why do I want to cry?

"Should we call someone?" I ask.

"He was a junkie bum who lived on the streets. No one's going to miss him," Edward spits irritably. It's like showing any emotion at all makes him uncomfortable.

"I'll call it in when I get home," Jasper says, steering me away from the body.

Back at my house, Edward and Jasper pause at the lattice. I've got one foot in the hole and one on the ground as Edward pulls out a baggie and a lighter.

"I'm charging you next time," Edward states matter of fact, and I believe him. "Need a hand, Princess?"

Ease and fun are replaced with serious and venom. It was nice while it lasted.

I answer Edward by scaling the lattice in record time, only hurting my hand twice in the process. When I climb up, I don't look down. I'm too busy weirded out that my light is on when I know my room was dark when I left. My bedroom door is unlocked since I left out the front door. Was my dad in my room? What was he looking for?