A/N: Quick turn around on my part huh? I really, really hope the review system is working this time around b/c I NEED TO HEAR FEEDBACK ON THIS Y'ALL. Plus, I have a feeling y'all are gonna have a lot to say (;
Chapter Twenty-Eight:
Loving You
"i always wanted you.
even when i didn't know what i wanted. even before i knew you.
it was you.
you were the chapter that i didn't know the words to, but always knew it existed.
and when i finally found it and began to read, i knew i was home."
—JmStorm
When we walked back into the main hanger, I was expecting a lot of things, but I wouldn't have guessed that every single Cybertronian in the room was gonna stare at me like I had grown a second head in the span of being gone for 10 minutes. I stopped in my tracks, Aubrey nearly colliding with me, and glanced at each of them.
"What?"
"What did you do?!" Ratchet barked in a brash tone that I knew also doubled as his worried tone. Most of his tones sounded angry on the surface actually.
I glanced back at Aubrey then back to him, "Um, nothing—well actually, I sort of accepted a weird ass title and role but—"
"It's your energy signature." David walked out from around my sister and I. He stood in front of us, arms crossed, and gave each Cybertronian a hard look. "She's accepted the role in her sister's place. What she did was brave. Self-less."
I blinked in surprise. His words were odd. It brought back a memory of me sitting in the principal's office as a kid, in trouble again for hitting some bully that wouldn't leave Aubrey alone, with him standing in front of me defending my actions and yelling that the school should do their jobs and not leave it to a 7 year old. I shoved the memory back down into the deep recesses of my mind where it had clawed itself up.
"I don't need you defending me." I said firmly and pushed around him to face my mechs. "And I definitely don't need you defending me from my mechs."
Optimus met my gaze and I could see concern in his features as well, "Your energy signature is much stronger. Before it seemed muffled, but now we can feel you quite clearly."
"Did you do that?" I glanced back at David.
He nodded, "You were like a shaken can of soda. Ready to burst, leaking energy all over the place, all I did was crack open the top."
Ratchet commandeered my attention again, "Youngling, did you even think this through? We have no idea what this entails and what this could mean—"
"It means I can fight Primus and Unicron." I said simply and I know my words did not put him at ease at all. In fact, the entire crowd stiffened. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my gut, "It's going to happen. We've all been in danger since the moment they showed up at Aubrey's house—maybe even a little before that." Ratchet looked like he wanted to interrupt me, but I was thankful he didn't. "Since the moment I made the deal with Unicron I've had this sinking feeling. Like I was off balance. And—And I got good at ignoring it, pushing it on the back burner and dealing with what was in front of us, but now I realize that…I've been scaredthis entire time."
"Sweetspark…"
I had to keep going. It was like word vomit.
"But I'm not scared anymore." I chuckled and looked up at them. "Nervous, yeah maybe, but not scared. Because for the first time since I've met them… I don't feel powerless." As the words left my lips, I could feel them ringing true in my brain. I glanced down at my hands and wondered if that was what was different now. "I'm not some little human stuck bending to the will of these jackasses." My jaw clenched and unclenched as I took in a steadying breath. "I can fight back now, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
There was a beat of silence while this sunk in. Ratchet stared at me with a faraway look and I knew the conversation with him wasn't over yet. I hated disappointing him, making him worry, but he had to have known how important this really was. He'd have to understand.
"Uh, pardon, but I'm—uh…" Joey raised his hand, interrupting the tense silence, I glanced at him with a smirk and he put his hand down like he was called on, "Ok, I'm sort of following, but did you just infer that you were gonna go and fist fight God?"
Hemi set her hand on her face and the tense air seemed to evaporate. Taylor hurried over and pulled me into a sudden hug. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly just like I had with her a mother a moment ago. After she pulled away, she grabbed my hand and dragged me over to where her and her siblings stood. Aubrey stood next to Tyler, lightly rubbing his back, while the grown man held onto the stern look of distrust and fear.
"Alright", Lennox cleared his throat and tried to get the meeting back on tracks, "Let's focus on the other topic we need to go over right now. The shield."
Wheeljack chirped next, "Yes! I have been looking it over today and fixed up the patches that needed repairing. I do want to run it through some hypothetical stress tests before we activate it, but it should be ready to go by the day after tomorrow."
"Shield?" David question, and I was kind of glad he did because I also had no clue what they were talking about, but I didn't wanna look like the dummy who was lost.
Epps nodded, "While ago, Jackie and Percy—"
"Hound too actually!"
"Right." Epps nodded at Wheeljack. "They made a force field that—"
"Well actually—"
Epps turned to the engineer, "How about you explain it, Jackie?"
Wheeljack, none the wiser, beamed with his cheek fins lighting up, "Why of course! See, we created a barrier of energy that sits around this entire base. We use them occasionally on Cybertron for security reasons, but they've grown rather obsolete in this day and time because any Cybertronian with the right tools can bring it down with no trouble at all." He began to babble about the specific scientific measures that created the weaknesses, but Ratchet elbowed him hard and he course corrected, "Oof—right. So rather useless on Cybertron, but very useful against drones. They don't have the intellect to overcome the barrier so when we activate it…"
"We're protected from drone attacks." I said, a slow smile crossing my features, "That's amazing. How come we don't have that shit on 24/7?"
Wheeljack tilted his head back and forth briefly, "Eh, the issue is it takes a significant amount of fuel to run it and not human fuel either. It runs via energon and the amount it takes to be at full strength is substantial."
"But well worth it now." Optimus said firmly. "Prowl?"
"We can tap into the energon reserves we have stored, and I'll work on having the energy drawn from this site to be converted into raw energon more quickly." Prowl said without looking up from the datapad in his large hands. "Tomorrow I will brief Pararescue on its activation and create a schedule for maintenance."
I leaned over to stage whisper to Tyler, "Pararescue?"
"You remember them." He whispered back. "Had that jackass Byl. You broke his face."
"Ah." I nodded. I did remember them.
Taylor, who was leaning into me with her head on my shoulder, spoke up softly while the others moved onto another topic, "Pararescue are the ones trained to take care of the barrier. Them along with some civilian engineers and Jackie, of course."
"It's their battle station." Tyler nodded.
While the group continued talking about other various efforts that needed to go into place to protect this base and the people on it best, they could, my eyes drifted over to Cade. He was leaning against the railing by Sam and Simmons with his arms crossed and his gaze on the floor. He was thinking hard about something. I could tell because he had that little crease between his eyes. Cade was frustrated. This had to have something to do with what David had talked to him about and now I wish I had questioned the bastard while we were back there talking.
Suddenly, his eyes snapped over to mine and I resisted the urge to jump in surprise. Cade stared for a moment, his eyes burning into me, before he slowly brought a small smile to his features. I returned the smile and mouthed the words, 'You ok?'
He nodded once, turning his gaze back to the floor, but I knew he was lying.
The meeting went on for another thirty minutes or so and I was so glad that I wasn't one of the ones who usually had to attend these. After talking about the big picture items, they began to go into the small details it took to keep this base running. All very important, but all very boring as well. When Prime finally dismissed us, Cade immediately moved toward me.
"Hey, can I talk to you?" He said softly.
"Yeah." I agreed. Quickly, I shot a text to Izabella telling her I wouldn't be back to the apartment for another few minutes. Cade slipped his hand into mine and began to pull me away from the crowd. I still needed to talk to Ratchet, but this seemed like a more pressing matter. As we slipped through hallways and got further away from the meeting crowd, I spoke up, "Cade, what happened? What did David say to you that has you so spooked?"
We had ended up outside of the cafeteria, but it was so late that nobody would be in here. They stopped serving food ages ago. Cade pulled the door open and dragged us inside. The room was dimly lit from the emergency lights and the moonlight from the windows. I sat down on a table bench, with my back leaning against the table, and Cade did the same beside me.
"I'm a knight."
I blinked, "Well, yeah, but I didn't think that was actually news to you."
"David", Cade started, and I liked that he knew me well enough not to call the guy my father, "He told me more about being a Knight. My responsibilities…"
I reached out and set my hand on his forearm. He stared down at it and lifted his other hand to rest on top of mine. I spoke softly, "You don't owe us anything. If you don't want to—"
"I do want to, Aj." Cade interrupted. He squeezed my hand, "That's the thing. I do want to. I want to be there for you, and I want to help you deal with this mess and protect everyone, but…" He stopped, thinking through his next words, and I let him. Cade finally started up again, "David told me I would be a target, and I'm fine with that." He chuckled. "I'm fine with having a target painted on my back if it means taking some of the heat off you, but… but then he said it wouldn't just be me. They would go after my family if they had to. They'd hit every weakness they could find."
"Tessa." I sighed.
Cade nodded, his eyes shut tightly and pain evident on his features, "They'd go after her and Aj I can't—I don't—"
Quickly, I looped my arm through his and leaned into his side. Cade sighed and leaned his head on top of mine. We just sat there for a moment in the quiet cafeteria mulling over our options. There really weren't many. In fact, as far as I was concerned, there was only one.
"You have to leave."
Cade scoffed, "What does that say about me that I would leave you when you arguably need me most?"
"It would say you're a good father." I replied. "Cade this isn't your fight. You got dragged into this."
He was quiet for another moment, "You need someone."
I chuckled and pulled away so I could look at him. His dark eyes were soft as they traced my features. I gave him a tight smile, "I have people. Tessa needs you." My next thought felt like it got stuck in my throat. Like it didn't want to be said, but I knew it had to be. "Cade, there is no future for us that doesn't end bloody. I don't know what's going to happen, I'm trying to save everyone I can—everyone I care about, and it's all unclear, but what I do know is I can save you." I sighed. "Right now, right here. I can save you."
He reached forward and cupped my face, "You're not in love with me, you know?" I narrowed my eyes at him, and Cade chuckled, his thumb tracing my cheekbone, "You love me, and I love you, but it isn't… We aren't in love with one another."
It was true. I knew that before he had said it but hearing him say it made it feel so much more real. I shook my head, "Cade, you are so important to me."
"And you to me." He agreed. "After my wife died… Aj, I didn't think I'd ever even think of another woman in that way remotely. I think you healed something in me that I didn't even know was broken."
That was what this was. Just like me, Cade had been lost. Neither of us could even imagine the possibility of opening up to someone in that way. We had both just accepted the fact that it wasn't in the cards for us. That the train had left the station long ago and we were just stuck watching it disappear. Together though? He said I had healed something broken in him, and I think he had done the same for me. Cade had showed me that being vulnerable wasn't so bad of a thing. That someone as rough and jagged at the edges like me could do it and not fall apart.
If Sideswipe had confessed to me before I met Cade… I don't think I would've handled it as well. It would've cracked the foundation of our entire friendship and I would've done something brash and stupid and irreparable.
"You did the same for me." I nodded and he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "And I'm gonna get you out of here."
Cade seemed startled by my words. I didn't know what he was planning exactly, but I knew going through the legal hoops of getting him discharged from the base weren't going to go as quick as I wanted them to.
Besides, I had a better way.
David watched as his youngest daughter pulled Cade into her arms for a final hug. He whispered something to her, and she nodded fervently, arms tightening around him. David had to admit he was a little disappointed. Aimee needed a knight. She needed someone to stand beside her in this fight, someone she trusted, and he thought Cade was going to rise to the plate. The news that he was leaving was nearly as shocking as Aimee coming to him in the middle of the night and asking for his help.
He knew how much this must have meant if his youngest daughter would swallow her pride to speak to him. David hated that she felt that way. That she would only come to him when truly desperate. It was his own fault at the end of the day, but it still left a bitter tang in his mouth.
They finally pulled away, both wearing sad smiles, and Cade stepped toward him. David nodded once, "Are you sure? Once you do this, you can't just undo it."
"We're sure." Aimee said firmly.
David held his arm out, and Cade set his forearm into his open palm. The older knight reached forward and pulled the younger man's sleeve up and over the artifact. Technically speaking, he had never actually done this before. It was one of the many things he had read over time during his travels and work. Hopefully it wasn't just a myth otherwise he'd be disappointing his daughter yet again.
He set his hand over the artifact, sending a slight pulse of energy into it, and the artifact suddenly fell to the floor with a clank. Both Aimee and Cade's eyes widened in shock as they watched the artifact burn away to nothing but a pile of ash. According to the readings, the artifact would only fall off it the knight truly wanted it gone so Cade must have really made up his mind.
"Without the artifact, you mean nothing to Primus or Unicron. You're just another useless human." David shrugged. Cade blinked and mumbled a thanks. He continued, "This MECH group though, they may still come after you. They won't know the difference."
Cade nodded, "I know."
"Ready to go?"
Cade looked back at Aimee one last time. A softness in his eyes. They grasped hands one last time and with a final nod Cade let go and looked to him. David clapped his hand on Cade's shoulder and the moment he made contact he pushed them to an alley in New York. After years and years of jumping, David had gotten used to the sickening feeling it left in one's gut. Cade however stumbled and hit the alley wall while trying to regain his sense of balance. At least he hadn't thrown up.
"I thought you loved her. My daughter." David couldn't keep the bitterness out of his tone. "I thought you were going to step up and protect her."
Cade shook his head, "I do love her. We both mutually agreed this is for the best, and that we were just a stepping stone for each other, but… I think even from the beginning I always loved her a little more than she loved me." David narrowed his eyes in confusion, and Cade chuckled, "She couldn't completely fall in love with me. She's already in love."
This was news to him, but Cade didn't explain further. He nodded once, "Thank you for this. It means a lot. Take care of her for me."
David couldn't help but scoff, "If she'll let me."
"We're dads." Cade shook his head, "We don't need permission to protect our kids."
Cade turned and jogged out into the city and out of sight. David lingered there a moment longer before snapping himself back onto base. When he got back, he was surprised to see Aimee still standing there. Her arms were crossed tightly over her body.
She had changed so much in the years David was gone. Her features were harsher. Aimee was still as beautiful as ever, but there was something cold that had infiltrated what used to be soft features. Back when she was growing up, she always had her hair long. She loved to have her mother and sister run their fingers through it and twist it up into high ponytails and braids before a sporting event. Now the brown locks were cut short and curled lightly in a mess above her shoulders. Freckles still decorated her skin, but now he could see scars. A little one under her right eye where it looked like she had been punched hard and the cut never fully healed right. There was a faint line at her hairline where something terrible must have happened. More than that there were scars in her eyes. The fire was there. Aimee had always had fire in those blue eyes that looked so much like her mother's, but now there was history. His baby girl had seen terrible things and they had left their mark on her.
"Is he ok?" She questioned, her voice blunt and cold.
David nodded, "He is. Aimee—"
"Thanks." She cut him off with a shrug.
Aimee turned to walk away, but David called out to her, "What can I do to fix this?" She stopped in her tracks. Her back still facing him, and he could see how tightly wound her shoulders were. David didn't stop, "I left to protect you, but I can see the world still took it's chunk of flesh from you… Aimee, I just want to fix this. I just… Ace, I've missed you so much. Please. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Please."
"I don't know. Some things can't be fixed." Aimee answered, her voice a tight whisper. She still didn't turn around.
She kept walking and David watched her leave entirely. Aimee had every right to hate him. He saw that very clearly now, but like Cade had said… A father didn't need permission to protect their kid. She didn't have a knight right now, but David would be rip the world apart at the seams to make sure that didn't matter. He was going to protect his daughter.
The next morning when I woke up, I still didn't feel any different. I was sad. Cade was officially gone now, and I would miss him. There was no doubt of that. I was also a little hesitant to get out of bed because I knew someone was going to notice Cade was missing and start asking questions. Telling Prime and Lennox that I sent away a powerful tool in our arsenal against our enemies didn't sound like my idea of a good time.
"I'm going to the mechanic workshop with Lex!" Izabella called from the other room.
"Ok! Be careful!" I yelled back and listened for the front door to shut.
Slowly, I lifted my hands up and stared at them. These hands had done a lot. They had caused lot of damage to a lot of people. There was no telling how many bones they had broken. There was no counting how many days I spent cleaning them of blood. I had seen them in every state imaginable. I had seen those bruised and busted. I had seen them taped up ready to go into war. I had seen them broken. Right now, they seemed so normal. My knuckles were clean and unmarred. My tan skin showed no sign of injuries.
They also showed no sign of power.
I opened and closed them a few times, watching the skin stretch over muscle and bone, before finally sitting up in bed. If I was going to war, I needed to be prepared. Quickly, I slipped out of my sheets and began to look for my training gear. Luckily, it didn't take me long to pull on the spandex shorts, my sports bra, and a t-shirt I was 80% actually belonged to Epps? I wasn't sure how it had come into my possession, but it had his college on it.
After washing up a little and running my hand through my hair I stepped out into my kitchen to see Ratchet just standing there.
"Fuck." I jumped in surprise.
Ratchet's already grumpy face turned down in a frown, "Language."
"Good morning, Ratch." I gave him a tight smile and moved to grab a bagel out of the fridge. He stared at me as I walked to the toaster and put my breakfast in. Hesitantly, I glanced over my shoulder to meet his stare. "Do I need to pull out the whiskey? Is it that kind of morning or…"
Ratchet's holoform crossed his arms, "Cade is missing." I blinked and opened my mouth to respond, but he was quick to keep talking. "And you don't seem to be too surprised about this information. Do I want to know why that is?"
I shrugged with a sheepish smirk, "No? I mean, I'm sure you want plausible deniability at this point." He let out a loud groan and I threw my hands up. "It was a well thought out decision I promise. Sort of. As well thought out as my ideas get."
Ratchet put his hands to his temple with his eyes closed and I found the motion hilarious because I knew it was something he picked up just being around us little humans. It wasn't like his holoform was actually getting a headache, but then again if there was anyone who could induce a headache in a holoform it would be me.
"I am trying to decide if I want to discuss Cade or the Defender issue first."
"We do have a lot on our itinerary to go over." I nodded and turned around when I heard my bagels pop up. I set them on a paper towel and when I went to grab the cream cheese Ratchet had already grabbed it for me and handed it over. "I knew you still loved me."
Ratchet rolled his eyes, "Is Cade safe?"
"He is." I prepped my bagels, "He's with his daughter and he's no longer a knight so he isn't in danger from Primus or Unicron. Cade still has to run from MECH, but Simmons helped out with that."
Ratchet narrowed his eyes in confusion, "Simmons was in on this?"
"I was as surprised as you, but really when doesn't he stick his nose in shit? At least this time he was helpful."
"Are you…ok? I know the two of you were…involved." Ratchet coughed out the word.
I chuckled, "I'm fine. We talked it out and we both kind of agreed that we needed each other in the moment, but long term… It just—It ended amicably."
Ratchet seemed pleased by this and while he mulled it over I started eating. He tapped his fingers against my counter and I just waited for him to say something else. I could tell he was pondering over something and it did me no good to interrupt him. Finally, he cleared his throat.
"How do you feel physically? After the Defender incident?"
"I feel about the same." I glanced down at myself and spoke through a mouth of bagel. "Peachy." After swallowing, I nodded toward him. "How's Sunny?"
Ratchet grunted, "I told you he's fine. The longer stasis is just because I'm a paranoid mech."
"An old, paranoid mech don't forget that."
He rolled his eyes, but the cheerful vibe died back down, "Are you sure you're ok?"
"Everything is hunky dory, da—" The word got caught in my throat. How many times had I mockingly called Ratchet 'dad'? It was my go-to comment anytime he got protective like this, but suddenly this time I couldn't get the word out. It was different now. Calling him dad now would feel like more than just a mocking term of endearment. "Um…" I set down the rest of my bagel, the nervous energy in my stomach making me not so hungry anymore. "Nobody has really talked to me about the…news." Ratchet furrowed his eyebrows at me, and I sighed. "You know, the whole 'my mom started your civil war' technicality."
It was a fear that lingered in the back of my mind. One that I didn't even try to think about because of the poor taste it left in my mouth.
Ratchet seemed to understand, "Nobody blames you or Aubrey. We see you no different, youngling."
Maybe he was right.
Maybe he wasn't.
"Ironhide was really upset." I crossed my arms. "Rightfully so."
"I can't speak for Ironhide. He's been my friend for a very long time, and I know how thick helmed he can be, but I also know how passionately he feels for everything he believes in." Ratchet spoke slowly. He shook his head, "The two of you have that in common. You're stubborn." He kept his serious gaze with mine. "I know you internalize everything, Aj, but do not shoulder this burden. This blame does not belong to you."
I chuckled and pushed myself off the counter. Ratchet seemed to read my mind and opened his arms so I could hug him. These past few days I had been in a real hugging mood, more so than I had in the past. No one in their right mind would ever describe me as 'cuddly' in any sense of the word, but I was starting to see the benefits. It was a real good way of saying 'thank you', 'you're important', and 'I love you' without having to fight to find the right turn of phrase.
"What would I do without you, Ratchet?"
"You are my charge, my youngling, so rest assured that that is a question you will never have to worry about." He replied firmly. In his own words he admitted it. Something I didn't even think I needed to hear, and yet it meant so much to me to actually hear the words.
Ratchet wasn't going to leave me.
When he opened his eyes, he realized the lights were flickering. Tyler grunted and turned his head to look over at the clock. 11:24 AM. He had slept in, but it was his day off, right? The lights continued to flicker, and he sat up. The lights were thanks to Wheeljack. Tyler didn't like sleeping with his aids in and that did technically leave him at a disadvantage on the military base. Flickering lights meant someone was at his door "knocking". In a case of a real emergency, like a base attack in the middle of the night, Wheeljack had done some fancy science mumbo jumbo to the floor of his little bunk. There were sensors hooked up to the base's sirens so if the sirens ever went off while he was in his room the entire floor and all his furniture sitting on the floor would vibrate.
Tyler grabbed the door without putting his aids in, fully expecting it to be Prowl or Jazz or his brother telling him that he was needed for some meeting or mission. It had been non-stop since the battle. When he swung the door open, he was surprised to see Riley standing there. She almost looked surprised that he had answered. Her hand fell from the 'light flickering' switch by the doorframe and chose to cross her arms tightly.
She wore her work uniform and stood as tall as she could in front of him. Chin held up. She was beautiful. Then again, Riley always was. No matter what she was doing. It didn't matter if she was made up for date night or in baggy pajamas with her bangs pinned back for the thick green face mask she would put on every few nights. Riley was beautiful to him in every single moment. Tyler hated to admit it, but that was a first for him while dating a girl. His usual dates also typically had long hair, the longer the better, but he was in love with Riley's blonde short hair. The, nearly a pixie cut, look framed her face so well and made her warm brown eyes seem even bigger.
Riley was beautiful, but she also looked tired and that made Tyler's heartache.
She was tired because of him.
Tyler hadn't seen her since the battle of Vegas and anytime she reached out to him he would use some excuse to avoid her. She opened her mouth to speak, but noticed he had no aids in and stopped. He nodded at her to come in and turned to grab his aids. They had been on his nightstand, he thought, but now they were nowhere to be seen. This was the third time this week he had lost a pair and if Riley wasn't in the room he would've thrown the alarm clock across the room in frustration.
He turned back to her and sat on the edge of his bed. Tyler couldn't bring himself to look up at her. He just spoke. He couldn't hear his tone, but he prayed it was strong. That his voice didn't shake.
"We shouldn't be together. I've been trying to find some way to say it and I guess this is all I came up with. I know I owe you more than that. I know—I know ghosting you for a nearly a weak was immature on my end, but I just didn't know how to say…" Tyler's throat felt dry. He forced himself to look up at her. If he was going to hurt her he was at least going to look at her while doing it. The pained look on her face though, the tears threatening to spill over, felt like a punch straight to the chest. He stood. His hands moved as he spoke unintentionally and out of habit, "Riley you should go. I'll stay clear of you. You stay clear of me. This is for the best."
She began to shake her head, and Tyler sent his eyes to the floor.
Seconds later, he felt her hand on his face as she grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. Riley spoke, slowly and clearly, so he could see every word, 'How is this for the best? Why do you get to decide that for us?'
"Don't you get it?" Tyler pulled away from her grip. He missed the warmth of her hand. "Look around us, Riley!" He was yelling. He hadn't meant to. Tyler could feel it in his throat, and he could see the way she jumped. He didn't like it. Taking a breath, he forced himself to control his level of speech. "Things are getting dangerous, Riles. Between this new threat of MECH and… and…" He couldn't admit that Cybertronian deities were out for their blood. "After the battle, I realized that… that this was just the start. All this time, all those missions, were just us climbing to the top of this mountain and—and the battle in Vegas was just the start. We're going over the edge now. It's only downhill from here and I can't—"
He snapped his mouth shut tightly. He couldn't lose her. Tyler couldn't lose her. That was the root of this. If anything happened to her because of how dangerous their lives were now he would never forgive himself. It would be his fault and he wasn't sure he'd be able to live with that.
"You don't have to be involved in this." The thought was a soft one, and he wondered if she could even hear him. "This isn't your fight. Just being around us is a risk and it's one you don't need to take."
Tyler stared at his feet. He wondered if she was even still there. Maybe Riley had left him alone to his thoughts. That would be for the best. That was what he wanted right? Still, Tyler couldn't bring himself to look up and confirm whether she had or not. If he looked up and she was gone… it would be for the better, it would be good for her, but Tyler wasn't quite sure how he'd handle the ache in his chest.
Surprisingly, he didn't have to find out. Tyler felt her before he saw her. He felt the movement of her coming closer and he could smell the vanilla of her shampoo. Slowly, Riley lifted his face up to look at her. He stared at her lips, waiting to read what she wanted to say, but instead she let go of his face and pointed to herself. He blinked in confusion, but then she started signing.
Tyler was so caught off guard that he forgot to pay attention to what she was trying to say. Her hands were shaky, and it was easy to see that she was new at this. She had to stop a few times, thinking something over, trying to remember a word, before continuing again. He finally focused in.
'…I choose you, every part of you, the good and the bad and the dangerous. You aren't alone. We are partners.'
She paused again. Her lips twisted in frustration as she tried to remember something. All Tyler could think was that this was new to him too. He was 25 years old, and he had dated more girls than he could count. Sometimes it only lasted a night, sometimes it was more. The longest girlfriend he had before was 7 months. Technically, him and Riley had only been dating for less than half of that. But out of all those girls, including the ex he had been with for 7 months, Riley was the first girl to learn ASL for him. Every other one had brushed it off since he was so good at lip reading and the aids worked so well. They always brushed it off and it always felt like they brushed off a piece of who he was.
'Please… Tyler, I can never fuck you…' Riley ran her fingers under her chin then threw them out rather than touching her chin and bringing it forward. A common mistake that turned 'thank you' into 'fuck you'.
Tyler laughed, he felt it rumble in his chest, and then he crossed the space and pulled her into his chest. He folded himself over so he could bury his face into the crook of her neck. The smell and feel of her took control of every sense he had left, and he closed his eyes to soak in it. Riley was stiff at first, surprised, but he felt her melt into him. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.
His dad once told him that the life he lived was dangerous. Everyone around him kept telling him to leave his mom behind. That keeping her around was only going to put her in harm's way. That she would slow him down. His dad told him that it wasn't like that. It was dangerous, but sometimes life just works out that way. His dad told him that mom had given him something to fight for, that she had kept him grounded when the missions got too dark, that she gave him a reason to come home.
Tyler never understood it growing up. As he got older, though he loved his father, he thought it had been risky on his part. Dumb even. Those people were right. Mom would've been so much safer away from him. It only made sense.
But holding Riley in his arms now, he finally understood what his dad spent so much time trying to tell him. Riley turned her head and pressed her lips to the side of his neck, and for the first time since the battle of Vegas he felt his entire body relax.
Slip right. Slip left. Roll right. Roll left.
I focused on keeping my breath steady as I ducked and dodged the light and quick punches that Smokescreen's holoform threw in my direction. This exercise was more about quickening and perfecting my dodges. Smokescreen was barely breaking a sweat as he picked up his pace with the punches.
Slip right. Slip left. Roll right. Roll left.
Hands up, hands always up.
My body was tired, but I clenched my teeth and kept going. I had already run through the usual strength training when I first came in. As much as I hated defense work, it made sense that I needed to hone every single skill I had. Besides, it wasn't a secret that I kept to offense more than defense and it showed.
Hands up. Slip. Slip. Roll. Roll. Hands always up.
Smokescreen quickened a fraction more, and over his shoulder I noticed a new face glide into the gym. Sideswipe's holoform wore his training gear rather than his uniform. The gray slim ankle sweatpants had the red Autobot symbol embroidered over one of the front pockets and the black shirt he had on was tight. Like really tight.
Hands up. Slip. Slip. Roll. Roll.
Nothing had been awkward between us, but Sideswipe hadn't mentioned his confession since it had happened. He still treated me the same though which was good right? I mean out of the options that could've happened this was best case scenario. Maybe he hadn't brought it up because of the Cade thing. Did he know Cade was gone now? Had he heard?
Slip. Slip. Roll. Roll.
But also, why did it matter that he knew? Would it make a difference? Would he treat me differently now that Cade was gone? Did I want him too? Sideswipe had stopped to talk to a soldier by the door and whatever the soldier had said made him laugh. The typical Sideswipe laugh that lit up his entire face and rolled through his entire body. Which I could see very clearly from the very tight black shirt. My eyes drifted across his broad shoulders and strong arms. Sideswipe hadn't changed the way he looked, he always looked like this, but for some reason I felt so much more aware of it. Every inch, from his messy blond hair that was probably too long on top for military regulations, and his bright blue eyes with the hints of lilac, and God the abs that could straight cut gla—
Pain. Lots of pain.
I slammed backwards onto my back with the taste of blood in my mouth and an aching face. My lip was definitely busted, and I had bitten down on my tongue when hit too.
"Slag! Shit!" Smokescreen gasped. "I hit you!"
I groaned and rolled up into a seated position, "Yeah. It felt like you did."
Smokescreen was knelt in front of me with concern, and a little fear, drawn over his features. He reached forward with his hands but didn't know what to do with them so they just hovered there as he internally panicked, "I never even land a punch on you when we spar let alone during a dodging exercise."
I didn't want to spit blood on the mat, so I forced myself to swallow it. My nose scrunched up at the metallic tang that ran down my throat. Smokescreen gave me a sheepish smile before pulling me onto my feet just as Sideswipe jogged over.
"Hey", He glanced me over curiously, but not in worry. He knew I could take more than one halfhearted punch. In fact, I think the thing that hurt most right now was my pride. "You good? I saw you go down?"
"Yeah, no, I'm—I'm great. Got distracted for a, uh, second." I traced my finger against my lower lip and flinched when it made contact with the injury. Sideswipe's eyes followed my finger and I felt my stomach actually flip in my abdomen.
Oh my God. I was… nervous?
Sideswipe's eyes came back up to meet mine with a smirk, "You wanna work with the swords now or are you still—"
"No, let's work on them now!" I said too quickly. He chuckled and I honest to God considered turning around and asking Smokescreen to just pummel me into the ground until I was unconscious.
As if he heard my thoughts, Smokescreen waved his hand in front of my face making me jump in surprise, "Yeah, I'm still here. Didn't you wanna go through more drills?"
"Nope." I replied and let the back of my hand slap his stomach lightly, "I am covered on the drills thing." Sideswipe winked at me before falling back a step and moving over to the lockers where I knew my training gear was. I took a step in his direction before stopping and whipping back around on Smokescreen with a glare, "Oh, wait hang on."
Smokescreen's eyes widened marginally and the flash of fear I saw earlier came to the forefront. I lifted a finger to point at him, "We haven't talked about Taylor yet."
Despite being a holoform, Smokescreen audibly gulped.
"Have you ever seen a car go through a compacter, Smokes?" I said, letting the tone and voice I used to use in the Pit rise up to the surface. "Comes out a niiiiiiiice, little, neat cube of garbage. See, if you hurt my baby niece in any way, and I mean any way, you're gonna need to go through one of those compacters just to escape me."
Smokescreen nodded and forced a chuckle out, "I wouldn't ever hurt her, Aj. Plus, I've got this talk from basically everyone on base—"
"No, no, no." I grinned the same smile I'd show to my enemies in the pit and hoped the blood still on my teeth would get my point across even further. I didn't actively plan on murdering Smokescreen, but I wanted him to be fully aware that I was capable of it. Maybe not physically myself, but I had my ways. "The mechs and guys on base gave you a little shovel talk and that's cute but Smokes… I'm the one you need to worry about. I got nothing to lose and I technically don't even exist in this universe which means zero consequences."
Smokescreen nodded again, more frantically this time, and gave me a tight-lipped smile, "Got it. I promise, I love her, Aj. I am absolutely head over heels for Tay, and I would move mountains for her. No hesitation."
I lifted my hand to lightly slap his cheek and he flinched. This time I gave him my real smile, "Good. I like you, Smokes. It'd be a shame if I had to slaughter you."
"Yeah, that'd be a bummer." Smokescreen mumbled as I walked away.
Sideswipe was grinning as I approached. He must have been listening in. The mech opened his hands and I knew what he wanted. I lifted one of my hands up to him and he began to unravel the worn tape.
"You know, Sunny and I threatened him too." Sideswipe chuckled. "Taylor has always been Sunny's little art buddy and we've always been protective over the younglings—even though they aren't exactly younglings anymore." He rolled up the tape and tossed it aside before moving onto my next hand. "I was pretty sure Smokes was a klick away from a spark attack."
As he pulled off the last of the tape, he let his fingers trace my knuckles with his rough fingertips. Goosebumps covered my arm and I snatched my hand away. Why does a holoform even have rough fingers? I cleared my throat and met his gaze to see only amusement.
"So, um, swords?" I said with the same level of tact I always had. None.
"Swords." Sideswipe nodded. He took a step back to grab stuff, but raised an eyebrow at me first, "Don't think I'm gonna go easy on you just 'cause you're gorgeous, babe."
I could feel my face heat up and quickly rushed forward to grab my gear. Sideswipe chuckled from behind me as I slid my heavy vest on. I strapped on my padded gloves, and when I went to grab the dummy swords, I realized they weren't there. When I turned to ask the red mech where they were, I saw him holding the case to my real swords.
My eyes widened, "The real deal?"
"You're a pro now. Pros don't practice with fake swords."
"That doesn't sound entirely right, but I don't know enough about sword fighting to argue." I replied as he popped the case open. Hesitantly, I wrapped my hands around the grips and pulled them out. They really were gorgeous swords. Sunstreaker and Wheeljack had done amazing work. "But what if I hurt you? I mean, I know your holoform can't be hurt permanently but you still feel pain."
Sideswipe shook his head, "Hurting me should not be a concern of yours. You're good, babe, but not as good as me."
"Yet." I said with a smirk. Sideswipe laughed then reached into a locker to pull out single sword of his own. That was new. The mech rolled his wrist once, spinning the sword, and getting used to the weight. I cleared my throat, my confidence thinning, "Uh, just a reminder, I can be hurt. Permanently too."
Sideswipe let his gaze trace my figure again before he spoke up with a tilt of his head, "Wanna make a safe word, just in case?"
I nearly choked on my spit at the double entendre. Before I could even try and think of a response, he lifted his leg and kicked me right in the chest. I stumbled back and the weight of the vest dragged me to the floor. Quickly, I followed the momentum and rolled back to my feet throwing my swords up to block just as he brought his sword down.
"Not bad. Could be quicker. The others really took it easy with your training, didn't they?" Sideswipe grinned impishly.
I pushed up on the swords, so I was back at full height. Now, this I wasn't nervous about. This was easy. I smirked and lunged toward him with a downward swing. Training with Sideswipe always makes my day so much better.
Smokescreen jogged into the break room ignoring the passing glances he'd get from other soldiers and employees. His optics landed on his femme sitting at their usual table sketching in her notebook. Taylor's features were scrunched up in focus, the world around her a blur he was sure, and her servo moved expertly across the page she worked on. A sight like that would go straight to his spark, but he knew Taylor was only working so furiously in her sketchbook because it was a good escape.
Her human grandfather being here was stressful on her. It wasn't so much his presence it was the effect it had on the people she loved. Her mom was tired, her twin was stressed, and her aunt was angry. And as Smokescreen was quickly learning, Aj was a scary femme when she was angry.
He strolled across the room and dropped in the seat beside her. Taylor's helm popped up and a bright smile filled her entire faceplates. She leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his holoform's cheek. It was all they could do in a public breakroom like this. The fact that he couldn't just pull her into his arms without worry was annoying as pit, but he understood that was what Taylor wanted. And what his femme wanted, she'd get.
"Hey! Finally!" Taylor chirped. There was a smudge of pencil lead across her nose probably from when she had been shading. "What took you so long?"
"I was in the training gym helping people spar and warm up. I was actually helping Aj for a little while there." He bobbed his helm then lifted his servo while he spoke, "I actually punched her in the face so…"
Taylor's optics widened, "You punched her? How?"
Smokescreen leaned toward her, "Well, I am an Autobot soldier who's been trained for millenias in the art of war and battle."
"Yeah, but she's Aj." Taylor countered and Smokescreen actually couldn't find an argument against that. She had been good when she showed up out of the blue, but after training with Ironhide? Slag. "What happened?"
"She got up and threatened me, but not for the hit. She threatened to kill me if I ever hurt you. I don't plan on hurting you, just FYI." Smokescreen grinned at her.
"Gee, thanks for that clarification." Taylor laughed, "You know, I was wondering when that would happen. Rate her shovel talk. Scarier than Tyler's?"
Smokescreen thought back to the moment. He wasn't like some of the others here who had known her back in her actual universe. Who had seen all sides of her. All Smokescreen knew of her mostly came from the small conversations he'd have with her and anything Taylor told him. Taylor, of course, thought she walked on water.
The look in her eyes when she threatened him, the malicious grin on her faceplates, and even the blood coating her teeth all painted a very different picture of Aj for him. For a brief moment, Smokescreen saw a threat. His entire frame responded the way he would on the battlefield when a new enemy arose. It was fleeting because he knew that Aj was his friend, but… he could imagine. Smokescreen could see how she came from a world where she was the lead fighter of her gladiatorial ring.
He saw an alpha. He saw a warrior.
He might've seen a monster.
Aj was tame here on base and Smokescreen would use the word friendly to describe her. Hanging out with the femme was always fun and he loved how happy she could make Taylor. He always knew there was a beast she hid in the back of her processors, he had heard the stories, but to see it for himself in person was something else.
"Little scarier than Tyler. Definitely scarier than Bee's. The poor mech tried, but I just can't be intimidated by that little ball of sunshine." Smokescreen shrugged. He'd keep his thoughts to himself. No part of him ever wanted to say anything that would taint the way Taylor looked at her role model and hero.
"You know what this means though, right?" Taylor said eagerly. She glanced around the room as nonchalantly as she could, Smokescreen chuckled at how slagging cute she was, and then she leaned into him. "This means she approves."
Smokescreen nodded, "That means a lot to you, huh?"
"I didn't think it would, but having her approval just means…everything." Taylor tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear as she thought aloud, "There were so many choices I made based of a thought line of 'What would Aj do?' and hoping I was making her proud. I just… I'm so glad she's here with us. I missed her so much."
Smokescreen stared at this little femme with stars in her optics. He hadn't been lying to her aunt when he said that he would move mountains for Taylor. He never thought he'd meet a femme that made his spark actually spin in his chassis, let alone find her here on Earth, but he couldn't imagine how he lived life without her before.
"She's so proud of you. She really is, Taylor." Smokescreen assured her.
Her smile grew and she set her hand on his forearm, her lips mouthed the words, 'I love you' and then she turned back to her sketchbook. Smokescreen was curious as to what she was sketching, but he couldn't pull his optics away from her faceplates.
Primus, he loved this femme.
I rolled my shoulders as I walked down the hall looking for a stiff or sore spot. Today had been the hardest I trained in a while and doing that less than a week after the Vegas battle seemed like asking for trouble. Still, I found nothing on me that really hurt. I had been pretty positive that I had broken at least a few ribs during the battle, but there wasn't even a twinge of pain when I sucked in a deep breath. Even my knee, which should've been doing probably a lot worse, was fine.
Maybe this had something to do with the Defenders thing? David wasn't too clear about it all. Then again, he didn't really know what to expect because of me being the younger sibling or whatever. I had even thought about going to him and trying to work out more information out of him, but he had made himself scarce today. Figures, the one day I actually thought about seeking him out he was nowhere to be seen. I think that was irony.
"Sweetspark."
I froze in place at the voice. A part of me was sure I was just hallucinating it, but when I turned my head, I saw Jazz standing in the hanger. It was late enough that soldiers and employees had begun to clear out. Jazz nodded his head at me once.
"Wanna go on a walk?"
Nervously, I walked toward him. It had been so long since I had been alone with Jazz. Not talking to him for six days felt like a lifetime. I missed him. A lot. But, I was also terrified. The shit I said to him had been really, well… shitty. He deserved to be angry at me. He deserved to ignore me forever.
"Um, yeah. I'd like that." I nodded. Jazz offered me his hand and I hesitantly stepped onto his palm. He carefully moved his hand up to his chest and began to walk out of the hanger. The sun had set ages ago and since there weren't many lights out in the open on the base it left the sky a gorgeous mosaic of stars and constellations. "So, uh, how've you been?"
Jazz chuckled, "All things considered, not too bad, I suppose." He set me on the lower roof of the hanger, so we'd be somewhat eye level. I sat down with my legs handing off the edge. "Been missin' my fav femme, tho."
I sighed, "Jazz, I am so sorry. The shit I said last time—"
"You were right."
"It was a dick move—wait, what?" I blinked in surprise.
Jazz put his hands on his hips, his lips curling into a smirk, "What? You surprised to 'ear you're right?"
"Uh, yeah, actually." I shrugged. That wasn't usually how these things went for me. I quickly shook my head, "But no, I wasn't. I didn't have to say it the way I did, and I shouldn't have been so mean when you were just looking out for me. I know that's just how you show you care."
Jazz shook his head, his accent slipping away, "No, you were right. I was controlling and that isn't what you needed in life. You needed a friend and I was trying to…" He vented out a loud huff of air. "Sweetspark, I am so sorry."
"Jazz—"
"No. I'm sorry. For before and for avoiding you this week I just needed to think some things through." He leaned forward, resting his arms on either side of me, "I love you, Aj." My eyes widened at the warmth in his tone and the blatant admission of it. "Pit, I thought I was in love with you since the very first damn day."
Jazz paused again and since I definitely had no idea what to say to that I remained quiet as well. I loved Jazz. I loved him so much, but not in the way I think he was admitting to me now. Without hesitation, I would call Jazz my best friend. He was the mech I wanted to share news with and be around and when Tyler did something dumb as shit he was the mech I wanted to run to so we could laugh about it together but… That was it.
He chuckled and it shook me out my own thoughts, "Took me a while to figure slag out, but I think I got it." The glow from Jazz's visor was all I could focus on. He was close enough that I could reach out and touch his face. "I love you, sweetspark, but I can see that what we had wasn't going to work like I wanted it to. I was looking for someone to save, and… pit, I think we all know you don't need saving, Aj." Jazz grinned. "I kept trying to put you in this box and when you didn't fit there, I'd get frustrated."
"I hear I'm very frustrating to deal with." I replied and he laughed.
"Well worth it though, sweetspark."
I lifted my hand and set it on the curve of Jazz's cheek. The mech leaned into slightly, and I tried to give him a reassuring smile, "Jazz you're one of the most important people in my life, and the days I don't talk to you are… well they're a real drag." He chuckled and bobbed his head in agreement. "I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be."
Jazz shook his head and curled his hand around me so I could lean into his palm, "Don't be sorry about that. I don't want you to be anything but yourself. You're too special for me to try and change."
"Does this mean we can be friends again because I really do miss you, Jazz."
"Absolutely." Jazz smirked, his lighthearted accent slid back into place, "I never got to tell ya how much I liked watchin' you sucker punch your dad like that. An' then kickin' his ass yesterday too."
I resisted the urge to correct him and just shrugged, "We all know my anger nerve is connected straight to my swinging muscle."
"How're you doin' with that?" Jazz questioned. "I know it's a lot."
"Yeah. I'm dealing. It's all been kinda crazy since Vegas. Morgan and MECH and…" I paused, "Primus and Unicron. I'm sorry about what my mom did. Huge dick move."
Jazz laughed at the phrasing but was quick to contradict me, "You don' need to apologize for that. An' as for Primus an' Unicron, well… it's jus' another fight. Another day, another fight."
"I feel like fighting the deities of your world is a little more than just another fight…"
Jazz shrugged, "It is far as I'm concerned. An' we'll get through it like we get through everythin' else. Side by side."
"Damn." I smirked. "That's as encouraging as shit, Jazz."
The mech laughed and the air was clear. We continued talking, trying to catch each other up on all that had happened this week. It reminded me of how we were back in my universe, but still so much better. Just two friends relaxing. Joking around pretending like the world wasn't slowly catching fire around us. Those problems were for tomorrow. Today was just for us.
Jazz was in the middle of a sentence when he stopped abruptly. I recognized the look on his face, he was listening to an internal message on his comm unit. Finally, he groaned. Jazz threw his hands up lightly, "The gig is up. Prowler knows I'm not in my office workin'."
"This entire time did he think you were?"
"Yupp. Vegas data pads to go through. Now I gotta meet 'im in a conference room so he can keep an optic on me as I work." Jazz crossed his arms.
I laughed, "Aw, does little Jazz need a babysitter?"
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up."
There was a lull of silence where I could tell he was holding onto the last string of freedom he had. He'd probably ask if I needed to go somewhere in hopes that he could procrastinate even further, but I needed to put in my final word. It felt like if I didn't it would sit in the back of my head forever.
"Hey, Jazz?" I called out. He must have caught my tone because his features quickly turned to worry. Jazz stepped close again and I sucked in a sharp breath, "I really am sorry. I wish I could… I wish I could love you like that. You deserve that much and more. I'm sorry I'm not capable of that anymore."
Jazz's features softened, "You're more than capable of it, sweetspark. You just didn't have any more room to love anyone else, and that's ok."
"W-What?" I tilted my head in confusion.
"You're already in love." Jazz smiled. "You're in love with Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. You always have been, Aj."
It had been a while since he stayed in his on base apartment with his wife. Usually she stayed in their Vegas home and Lennox would go home to her on days off. He preferred that. Being in this apartment still wasn't far enough away from his work. When he was with his family, he wanted to be with them entirely. Body, heart, mind, and soul.
With everything going on though, it was too risky for their loved ones to stay in Vegas. It was better to have them close so if anything went wrong—
Lennox stopped that line of thought entirely. He couldn't stomach it. His daughter and son were sleeping safe in their beds. His wife was beside him safe. They were all safe. Everything was ok.
He shifted so his head rested on his hand, his elbow propped up on his pillow, as he stared at Aubrey's sleeping form. Even in her sleep, worry didn't leave her. Lennox could see the tired lines on her forehead. Ever since her dad showed back up, she had been plagued with nightmares. Aubrey said they were hard to understand, mostly just a blur she couldn't remember in the morning, but it bothered her nonetheless and that meant it bothered him.
Lennox wished more than anything he could do something to ease her mind. He reached his hand out to lightly brush her soft hair away from her bare shoulders then left his hand there to trace random shapes against her back. Lennox stared, trying to memorize every single aspect of his wife in this moment. After he lost Sarah… Well, Lennox never thought he'd be here like this. He never thought he'd feel so full of love again as cheesy as it sounded.
"That tickles, you know." Aubrey mumbled; half her words muffled by her pillow. He saw her lips curl up in a smile before her eyes slowly opened. The room was dim, the only light coming through the window from the moon. "Why're you awake?"
"No reason." He replied, pulling his hand away, "I didn't mean to wake you."
Aubrey shifted in bed, pulling herself toward him, and Lennox turned so his back hit the bed and she could climb onto him. She had her arms crossed on his chest, her chin resting on her hands and a small smile on her lips. Lennox wrapped his arms around her and chuckled. She quickly kissed his chest before looking back at him.
"I don't mind being woken up by you." Aubrey hummed. "I hate the circumstances, but I gotta say I like waking up in bed and seeing you still there."
Lennox felt a small pang of guilt, "I'm sorry, work is so crazy—"
"No. I didn't mean it like that. What you do is important, and I love your passion." She shook her head. "I'm just gonna enjoy having you all to myself for these extra hours while we're all staying on base."
"How are you so good at seeing the bright side of everything?" Lennox hummed. He lifted one of his hands to run through her hair. Aubrey started leaning to the side and Lennox took the hint. He rolled over with her so he was resting on his elbows hovering over her. Aubrey let her hands trail up and down the sides of his ribcage, a ghost like touch that covered his skin in goosebumps.
"It's a gift." Aubrey giggled. "You can lead the masses, and I can see the bright side of things."
Lennox leaned down to press a light kiss on her forehead, then nose, "You're a gift." He peppered more light kisses across her cheekbones and then down her jawline and neck to her collarbone. "I love you."
"I love you too." Aubrey whispered back, and those words calmed the storm and worries clouding his head. No matter how crazy the world became or how busy his work life got, Aubrey was like a lighthouse that led him back.
My head continued to spin.
Jazz had said what he said then just left me there. I mean, he had offered to help me down and to get somewhere, but I needed to think, and this spot seemed as good as any. He had said, well, he had said…
I took a deep breath and moved to climb down the ladder from the rooftop to the concrete ground. There was a chill in the air, another cold desert night, and it made all the hair on my arms stand on end. It didn't help that I was still in my workout shorts and Epps' t-shirt. As my feet hit the ground I took in a slow breath. Jazz was crazy, right? He had to be crazy. Who said that the saboteur was observant? Because the guy was obviously delusional. So delusional.
I rubbed the back of my neck and steered myself back into the hanger. Everyone should be gone now so at least I didn't have to worry about explaining to some soldier why I probably looked like I had seen a ghost. I mean, in love?
Love was a huge thing.
Love was an intense thing.
As my brain tried to wrap itself around that cursed four letter word my eyes landed on someone in the hanger. Someone leaning against a very familiar, bright yellow Lamborghini. My breath got stuck in my throat as Sunstreaker's holoform pushed himself up off the hood to stand straight.
"Sunny…" I breathed. Not wasting another moment, I sprinted across the hanger floor. It was a good thing he had the strength of a Cybertronian in that holoform because the hug I tackled him in would've sent any human sprawling on the floor. Sunstreaker wrapped his arms around me, tightly holding me up, and buried his face in my neck. "Oh my God. Oh my God." I pulled myself back to look at him, "Are you ok?"
Sunstreaker nodded. He cleared his throat and took a step back, pulling his hands away from my sides, "I'm fine. I'm… How are you? Sides got me caught up with everything I missed…"
"It's…a lot. Lots of stuff. Um, I'm dealing. Considering how I usually am with shit like this I think I'm actually doing pretty good." I shrugged. Sunstreaker chuckled at my words, but there was something still wrong. There was something different about him. He looked the same. The same strong jawline covered in scruff, the same deep blue and lilac eyes, and even the same clothes I last saw his holoform in. Jeans, a dark shirt, and a red flannel. I remembered because I had made fun of him for being in a flannel. "Sunstreaker, are you sure you're ok?"
He nodded again, but when his eyes caught mine, I saw it. He was nervous.
Sunstreaker was nervous.
"How come you're in your holoform right now?" I tucked my hair behind my ear.
"I thought it'd be easier." Sunstreaker said. "Optic level, and all that."
I took in a shuddering breath, realizing now how close we were to one another. My voice came out softer than I meant it to, "What would be easier?"
Sunstreaker stared at me for a moment all his features soft and warm as he rolled around whatever was on his mind in his head. I let my eyes trace the curve of his lower lip, the light freckles that painted the bridge of his nose and cheekbones, the lilac tones in his eyes. He tore his gaze away abruptly and shook his head.
"Sideswipe is good at this." He grunted in frustration, "He can talk himself out of anything. He always knows what to say. That's what hurt the most, you know?" Sunstreaker glanced back at me, a sadness there now. "It all hurt. Losing the bond that quick, it all hurt, but it was the quiet. I didn't realize how much he was always talking until suddenly it was too fragging quiet." He gave me a tight smile. "You brought Sides back that day—"
"Sunstreaker, I…"
"But that's not what I wanted to talk about, I…", He lifted his hands to run through his hair as he continued with a scoff, "Aj, you…" His voice was gruff, "Fraggit, this is so frustrating. Sides, knows words. He knows what to say, and I—I know how I feel, but… words aren't my medium." Sunstreaker caught me off guard by leaning forward. His forehead lightly rested against mine. His eyes closed. "You radiate like a Cybertronian. Sometimes… I call out over the bond, to try and show you, but…" He chuckled sadly. "You can't feel that, and I don't know how to vocalize what's inside my head."
He felt warm. It was like the air around us was filled with energy. It swirled around us, making me want to pull him closer, and it made me feel like every inch of me was just buzzing. He felt safe. It was like I had gone around my life with this raging inferno in my chest, ready to burn down cities and burn anyone who came too close, and this energy between us calmed the flames. It wasn't a wildfire threatening my soul. It was a warm hearth after a long day out in a too harsh world.
Sunstreaker felt like home.
And with that thought, with that energy buzzing against my skin, filling my brain, I decided to take a chance. A leap of faith. Maybe…Maybe Jazz had been onto something and maybe I was only going to find out for myself by tapping into the risky behavior that filled every other aspect of my life.
"Can I…" I lifted my hand and let it rest on his face. So lightly that it barely brushed over his skin. Sunstreaker's eyes opened, surprise in his eyes. I tried not to let the weight of his gaze deter me. "Can I show you how humans talk about their feelings without words?"
Sunstreaker held my gaze and slowly nodded his head. Slowly, I let the hand on his face settle there. My thumb traced his cheekbone and I let my hand move further back until my fingers were resting in his soft, brown hair. I pushed myself up on my toes, bringing his face down to mine. My lips hovered over his lips hesitantly.
This was it.
This was going to change everything.
When my upper lip brushed against his, Sunstreaker took in a shuddering breath. I suddenly closed the space. This kiss was soft, gentle, and sweet. Three things I never got to call my own in this world.
His lips parted slightly just as I slowly went back down onto my heels. I let my eyes flutter open to re-meet his gaze. There was so much emotion in his eyes that it felt overwhelming. Like I was drunk off him alone.
I chuckled and took a step back from him. He hadn't said anything yet and it made me feel jittery, "S—See? Who needs words?"
Nervously, I went to take another step back, but before I was out of reach his hand wrapped around my wrist. My eyes widened in surprise as Sunstreaker shook his head, "Who said I was done showing you how I feel?"
He pulled me toward him and suddenly Sunstreaker was everywhere. His hands cupped my face as his lips landed on mine. I responded in turn. My own lips molded with his taking everything he had to offer me. One of his hands left my face to come to the small of my waist. It let him pull me in closer and it let me wrap my arm around his neck. I sucked on his lower lip and he groaned into my mouth. Before I could smile at the response, he dropped his other hand and used both to scoop me up with ease. I gasped in surprise, wrapping my legs around him instinctively, and felt his smirk against my lips. Sunstreaker pressed his lips more firmly against mine, he turned us around and suddenly my back was pressed down against something smooth and warm.
Sunstreaker kept one hand tightly on my hip and his other dragged up from thigh, tracing my body until it reached my neck to cup my face as he deepened the kiss. I buried my hands into his hair in an attempt to pull him in even closer as if he wasn't already everywhere and everything. The warm metal beneath me rumbled as his tongue tangled with mine. Sunstreaker tasted of something sharp but sweet, it was unrecognizable to me, but it felt right.
I tilted my head down, desperate for air, and Sunstreaker pulled back just far enough that the tip of his nose brushed against mine. He stared down at me through half lidded eyes. The energy around us continued to swirl, intoxicating, and the lilac in his eyes seemed to glow.
Neither of made an attempt to move away from one another. I dragged my hands from his hair to his jawline then down to his chest. Sunstreaker used the hand that was cupping my face to trace my features. His rough fingers ran over an eyebrow, over my cheekbone, then my bottom lip. As if he was trying to memorize my features through touch alone.
I sucked in another sharp breath, "So, uh, that was… yeah."
He chuckled and I felt it in my hands from his chest and from the metal beneath me, "I think I meant to do that a while ago."
"Well, what was stopping you?" I replied still trying to catch my breath.
"Hm, first I was a toy and then I was having memory issues and then you were with a human male…" Sunstreaker grinned and I couldn't help but laugh. His smile reached his eyes, it was the kind you really had to work to get out of him. The nickname 'Sunny' was never more true than when he smiled like this. God, it just lit up the room.
Sunstreaker shifted and I wrapped my hands around his neck again so he could pull me up. He held me up, pressing another quick kiss to my lips, before dropping his hands and letting me go. When my feet hit the floor, my knees felt honest to God weak. I tried to stay steady as nonchalantly as I could but based on the smirk on his face he knew.
"Honestly that's for the best, if you had kissed me like that even a week ago, I would've probably lost my mind." I joked and shifted in place. My lips felt swollen and I quickly ran my fingers through my hair in a poor attempt to calm it down.
Sunstreaker's smile faltered. He took a half step back from me and I raised an eyebrow at him curiously. He shook his head, "You don't owe us. You don't owe me." I opened my mouth to ask what the hell he was talking about, but he kept going, "I can't offer you anything, and you deserve the fragging world, Aj. Don't feel like you have to reciprocate how we feel because—"
I grabbed the neckline of his shirt and dragged him back down to my lips. He stiffened, for just a second, but then melted into the kiss. With a smirk, I pulled back but still kept my hand on his shirt, "Can you shut up? You're kind of ruining the moment, sunflower."
"Sorry." Sunstreaker mumbled with a soft smile.
There was a look in his eyes that told me this argument was far from over, but that warm energy was swirling around us again and I couldn't focus on anything other than that. I had been right. This changed everything, but… I think Jazz might've been right too.
