Here We Go Again! SD and PK Take on Hogwarts

-samuraiduck27 and PsychoKitty13

A/N: Hello, minna-san! Lookie what we got! AN UPDATE!

PK13: Oh Ra… she's hyper.

SD27: A lot of caramel apple pops will do that to a girl. (big grin) YAY FOR CARAMEL!

PK13: (sighs) I'm just glad I'm sitting pretty far away from you right now.

SD27: Four seats away isn't a whole lot, you know.

PK13: Just get on with the damn fic, will you?

DISCLAIMER: SD27 and PK13 own nothing of familiarity in this fic, besides them, their pets, and the plot (though even the chance that they own that is under dispute).


Chapter 10- The Duo's Detentions and Umbridge's Inspections

The day after the ball left a good number of 5th year students and older with large headaches from partying, or, in a few cases, a bit hungover from SD's little prank. SD and PK, however, were relatively okay, seeing as SD had left the party right after PK had gotten back from collecting her prize, and she had dragged the costumed brunette rather forcefully behind her.

Being as it was a Saturday, and of course there weren't any classes, it may have been odd to see the two 'transfer students' up bright and early, and storming down towards the dungeons. Well, actually, it was SD storming down there and PK trying to catch up with the shorter girl.

Why would they be going down to the dungeons, you ask? Well, the Potions accident that they had been a part of the day before… its effects hadn't worn off yet, and SD wanted her ears, tail, and claws gone. Now.

"I swear- it's getting really, really, REALLY old! I had a bunch of little 2nd year girls come up and start pulling on my tail, asking if it was real! GAH!" SD griped, "Will you hurry up, damn it! Snape better be there, or so help me Ra…"

PK sighed, "I already told you, he can't do anything for us until it wears off! You're just so stubborn, SD… I swear- wait! Are you even listening to me?"

While PK had been talking, SD had just ran down the stairs and left her friend behind. PK caught sight of SD's trenchcoat as it disappeared behind a corner.

"You jerk! Get your butt back here, SD Zephyr!"


"Did you not comprehend what I told you last time, Miss Dilefea? I swore I told you that I do not have it in my power to reverse the effect your abysmal potion-making skills have created."

"I told you SD, but nooooooo… let's go bug the greasy git anyways, ne?"

"…What was that, Miss Dilefea?"

"Nothing, Sir."

"…30 points from Gryffindor, and a detention as well."

SD snickered at the look on PK's face as Snape issued her a detention for calling the greasy git… well, a greasy git. PK glared at the blonde and whacked her over the head.

"Will you shut it!" she growled.

SD ignored her, "But… Professor! Are you trying to tell me that even with your skills as a Potions Master, you can't fix a simple mistake two of your students made?"

"…As a matter of fact, I think I may know how to help you girls."

PK blinked, "Really?"

Snape shrugged, before a smirk crept onto his face, "Of course I do. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give it to you."

"Git." SD muttered under her breath.

"Detention for you as well, Miss Zephyr."

"What!"

"…How come she doesn't get any points taken off…?"


The two left Snape's office, rather annoyed and still part animal. PK wasn't too happy about the detention, but she was fine with having the animal parts still attached. SD on the other hand… was pissed off at the whole situation.

"PK! Why didn't you tell me he wouldn't be able to help?"

"…I did. You just refused to listen."

"Huh? What'd you say- I wasn't listening."

The blonde gave her friend a 'don't-hurt-me-please!' look as PK got one of those veiny-things on her head and walked towards SD menacingly.

"I-It was just a joke, PK-chan! A joke!"

"…"

"Don't hurt me!"

For the next twenty or so minutes, anyone heading towards the Great Hall for a late breakfast would see two blurs running around the castle, one yelling and threatening the other.

"Harry, is that PK and that Slytherin girl?"

"…Just keep walking, Ron."


Later that night, PK joined SD at the entrance to the dungeons. SD had oh-so-kindly decided to wait for her friend-psh, yeah right- she just didn't want to start her detention any earlier than she had to. The two walked down to the Potions classroom and knocked on the door, only to receive a gruff and barely audible "Enter." from inside.

PK shrugged and opened the door, stepping in tentatively while SD followed right behind her. Snape was seated at the head of the room, behind his desk as per usual. He glanced up from what looked like grading a pile of essays and frowned at the pair, before continuing what he was doing.

PK gave him a slightly confused look at this action, "Umm… Sir? Our detention?"

To her surprise, Snape gave her a somewhat amused smirk, but the tone he used was acidly sarcastic. "If I had known you two were so eager to get assigned extra tasks fit for a house-elf to do, then I would have started issuing detentions for you long ago."

He got up from behind his desk and walked past the girls, ignoring the slight glares he was receiving for his comment, and stopped in front of a small wooden door that probably led to some type of store room.

"The both of you will be working on cleaning the cauldrons found inside the spare room here. I expect them all to be spotless by the time I am done with my work. Any dilly-dallying, or hints of mischief I catch will result in another detention same time tomorrow. Am I clear, Misses Dilefea and Zephyr?"

"Crystal." the two replied emotionlessly, shrugging.

The potions professor pulled out a key from inside his robes, and opened the door to the store room, gesturing for the two girls to enter. They did, and immediately gaped at the mess they were responsible for cleaning up.

The room was filled with anywhere between fifty to one-hundred filthy cauldrons that looked as if- no offense meant to the boy- Neville had gone and made one of his failed attempts at a potion in them.

"We're supposed to clean all of this?" SD gaped, "But… we're never going to get this done! There are things called child labor laws, y'know!"

Snape sneered down at the blonde, "Yes, I am aware of those, but unfortunately for you and fortunately for me, this isn't counted as a violation of them. Now get to work."

PK put a hand on her friend's shoulder, "Sheesh… with a few well-placed Scourgify's, this'll be done in no time, SD."

"Exactly, Miss Dilefea, which is why you'll be doing this the Muggle way, and as an extra precaution… Accio wands."

The sticks of ebony and hardened papyrus flew out of SD's coat sleeve and PK's jeans pocket and into Snape's outstretched hand. The man turned and walked out of the spare room and back to his desk, leaving two slightly stunned and angry teenagers behind him.

"…He can't be serious…can he?" PK said.

SD kicked the closest cauldron near her and sighed, "He can."


Two hours and approximately sixty cauldrons later, the very tired and dirty Prankster Duo were still grumbling about the work that they still had ahead of them.

"You know what, PK," SD said, pushing back her bangs out of her eyes, "It seems as though we haven't even made a dent in this huge pile."

"You got that right; we haven't even done half of them yet." PK replied, stretching her back out and sighing when a popping sound came from her spine, "My back hurts… this bites…" she complained.

SD was going to remark on that when the two heard a fit of yelling coming from the open store room door. Curious, the two abandoned their duty for the moment and crawled over to the threshold of the door, listening to Snape go on a tirade to someone using the Floo Network.

"I refuse to let that woman come in here and criticize my teaching skills!" the professor exclaimed to the head surrounded by green flames.

"Now Severus, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I have no control over this situation. Umbidge's orders come from the Ministry, and as much as you dislike the idea, she will be coming to inspect your class."

SD and PK blinked at the sound of Professor Dumbledore's voice echoing through the classroom, then at the conversation the two were having. Well, more like a yelling match on Snape's part than a conversation, if you wanted to get technical.

Backing away, the two returned to cleaning, muttering to themselves on what they had just witnessed.

"What do you think they were talking about? I don't remember that conversation being part of the book." SD said.

PK rolled her eyes, "Dude, almost everything we've witnessed here isn't 'part of the book'. And they were obviously talking about Umbridge's little inspection thing she comes to do in what was it… Chapter Seventeen?… of OotP."

SD stopped scrubbing at a particularly nasty spot and stared blankly at PK, "…You memorized chapter numbers and events." she said bluntly.

PK nodded, "Yeah. And?"

"And you don't think that's a little obsessed?"

The brunette shrugged, "Not at all. Why? Is it?"

SD sighed, She's completely hopeless…


"Zephyr, get up."

Pansy sighed as she looked down disgustedly at the blob of flesh that was a sleeping SD. She had been trying for ten minutes to get the girl up, as breakfast was already half over.

Why do I even bother with this little annoying nobody? All she does is get on the House's nerves…I think I'm coming down with something,

Things had quieted down between the Slytherin and the three Gryffindors who were out to prank each other, or in the case of Draco and Pansy, who were out to get revenge for pranks done to them. The underlining threat of prankage and public humiliation was still there, and all three sides knew that the others were more than likely up to no good, waiting until the time was right.

PK had caught sight of the Twins discussing plans for new inventions and arguing over where they would get some of the needed ingredients, so they were kind of out of the running until their stock had been replenished. SD was still on the hunt for her notes, and the Sleeping Wonder and her cohort had been pulling a few late nights in the library working on some possible ideas… all of which had been shut down quickly.

The ears, tails, and claws-slash-fangs had disappeared with a loud pop and a painful sensation the night before, and both SD and PK were happy over this fact; though the former was practically jumping for joy while the latter was kind of pouting over it.

And as for Pansy and Draco? They really didn't give a damn about the whole thing- it was basically a matter of "Hit them since they hit you" than the pair actually participating in the little war.

This little reverie had also cooled down the boiling rage Pansy felt towards the smaller girl into a deep, easily sensed annoyance. …Which is probably why she just used an Aguamenti instead of hexing SD to wake her up.

"AAH! Holy Ra, what the hell was that for?" the blonde exclaimed, sputtering and moving soaking wet, cold hair out of her face, "Pansy… OMAE O KOROSU!"

The girl in question wasn't fazed at all by SD's exclamation of "I will kill you."; instead, she just gave a glare to the wet blonde and sighed, pointing at the clock. "Breakfast is over in a half an hour. You're late, Zephyr. And for the life of me, I don't know why the hell I care."

As SD rushed around the room, trying to gather her things she managed to have time to make one smart comment, "It's because I'm so sweet and loveable. No one can stay mad at me for long!"

"Psh. That's the biggest load of crap that's come out of your mouth yet, Zephyr." was Pansy's retort, yet no yelling, shoving, or hexing followed it.

Yep. I'm definitely coming down with something…


The other half of the Duo was happily munching on a piece of bacon as SD rushed into the Great Hall and plopped down onto the bench next to her. PK started choking at the sudden appearance of the girl, and was going to yell at her for it, but just ended up staring in slight revulsion as the red-streaked girl started shoveling food in at a rate to almost rival Ron.

"…SD… what the hell are you doing?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow and looked over to Ron, who looked a little appalled as well, "See this, Ronald? This is what you look like when you eat."

SD looked up from her food and swallowed quickly before brandishing her spoon at the bushy-haired girl, "Hey. I resemble that statement, y'know." she said, glaring.

PK snorted, "No crap, of course you 'resemble that statement'."

The glare was focused on her in a split second, and so was the spoon. "Hey! I have a fork and I know how to use it!"

The Trio and PK looked at her blankly; Harry pointed to the object in her hand, "Um… Zephyr? That's a spoon."

"…Shut up."


The group's first class that day was History of Magic, and being the un-observant person- well, ghost- that Binns was, he didn't notice when PK, Ron, and SD began to nod off and sleep instead of paying attention. Hermione gave disapproving looks to the trio, and to Harry as well- who was doodling random things on a piece of spare parchment.

The Giant Wars, despite the name, weren't that interesting after all… especially since it was Professor Binns teaching them with his monotonic voice.

I think I need a little more detailing on the robes…Harry thought, running his quill over his picture of a Quiddich player flying over a field.

Hermione switched her tactics from glaring at the back of Harry's head to poking him in the side, which the Boy-Who-Lived found a bit harder to ignore. After a large jab in the side, Harry looked up from his now smudged drawing and glared angrily at the girl, who gestured outside.

Harry looked around, and saw Hedwig perched on the window ledge outside, a letter attached to her leg. A bit confused to her late mail delivery, he slipped out of his seat and made his way over to the window, drawing many of the students' attentions to the snowy white owl.

"Oh, I've always loved that owl… she's so beautiful," Harry heard Lavender sigh as he made it to the window.

He looked over to Binns' desk, and noticed with a sigh of relief that the absent-minded ghost was unaware of his class' diverted attention and was still reading. Harry leaned up, opened the catch on the window and pulled the window up, expecting for Hedwig to stick out her foot, let him detach the letter, then leave. But this was not the case as the beautiful bird hooted dolefully and tried to edge her way inside the classroom. Harry let her get on top of his shoulder, and closed the window before crawling back to his seat.

Once there, he realized that Hedwig's feathers were bent and her wing was held at an odd angle.

"Hey… she's hurt," PK muttered, stroking Hedwig's head, "What kind of jerk would do this to some poor birdy?"

Hermione put down her quill, and she, Ron, and SD leaned closer. Harry frowned, "There's something wrong with her wing, look-"

The poor bird was shaking, Harry went to touch the wing and the owl gave a small jump, before puffing herself up and looking at him sadly.

"Professor," Harry said loudly, "I'm not feeling well."

The ghost looked up from his notes, looking as if amazed to see a room full of people in front of him, "Not feeling well?" he asked hazily.

"Not feeling well at all." Harry replied, standing up and managing to hide Hedwig behind his back, "So I think I'll be needing to go to the Hospital Wing."

Binns nodded absently, "Yes… Yes, yes, Hospital Wing. Well, off you go, Perkins."

Harry made a small face at the identity mistake, but went with it and left the room. SD chuckled and muttered to PK, "I say we call him Perkins from now on…"


During class, Umbridge and her clipboard made the day a little more interesting and chaotic. Her first appearance of the day was in PK and the boys' Divination class. Trelawney was somewhat nervous-slash-angry when she received the news of a second inspection (she had been inspected the day before in a Second Year class), but nowhere near the anger Snape had displayed.

The first few minutes of class were spent with Trelawney passing out, well actually slamming down on the tables, copies of The Dream Oracle yet again, to which Ron and Harry inwardly groaned and PK smiled. The brunette, unlike the boys, actually had developed a small fondness for this class. It was easy to fake homework for, and once you tuned the batty teacher out and focused on the book instead of her rambling, it was a decent subject.

One could tell the extent of the Divination teacher's annoyance when she threw a copy at Seamus and barely missed his head, while another copy hit Neville's chest hard enough to knock him off his cushion.

That's gotta hurt…PK mentally winced, glad that all she got was a copy slammed on the table in front of her and Lavender.

"Well, carry on!" Proffessor Trelawney screeched, "You all know what to do! Or am I such a substandard teacher that you have never learned how to open a book?"

The bunch of teenagers just stared at the frazzled woman for a second, before hurriedly going to work, confused at what had just occurred. Harry, though, he thought he knew what was the matter.

Five galleons says Umbridge was here already…

At PK's table, which was the closest to Trelawney, Lavender and Parvati were desperately trying to find out what was the matter with her, as they had always admired the woman.

"Professor? Professor, won't you tell us what's wrong?" Parvati asked.

"Wrong? Nothing is wrong! I have been insulted, certainly… Insinuations have been made against me… Unfounded accusations leveled… but no, there is nothing. Wrong. At. All!" was the reply from the woman.

PK sweatdropped at the sight before returning to her textbook, Someone's had a little too much to drink, if you ask me…


After an amusing class period full of Trelawney's moodiness and under-the-breath cursing of Umbridge, PK, Harry, and Ron headed down to DADA and met up with Hermione and SD, who had just come from Arithmancy.

"Seems like you and Zephyr have something in common with Umbridge, Hermione," Harry stated, once they had taken seats in class, "Both of you think Delaney's an old fraud."

Both girls frowned at the prospect of having anything in common with the toad woman, and Harry went on, not noticing, "It looks as though she's been put on probation."

SD snorted, "Well, I for one don't think the bat's a fraud. Creepy, eccentric, possible druggie, sure. Fraud? No."

PK blinked, "And why are you saying this? If I didn't know better, I'd say you were sticking up for her."

The girl frowned, "No. But think about it. Why would Dumbledore hire a Divination teacher that was a fraud? He wouldn't, unless she was able to successfully trick Dumbledore into thinking she was a true Seer. And that's is highly doubtful. I may hate her, and her subject, but hey- she's better than Toad-Woman at any rate."

Hermione nodded reluctantly, "She does have a point…"

Just then, Umbridge walked into the room and took her place at the head of the class. PK and Ron made faces at the back of her head, while the other three rolled their eyes at their companions' childishness.

"Good afternoon, class." the toad said, an air of smugness in her voice.

"Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge." chanted the class dully.

"Wands away please…"

There was no flurry of movement, as there had been for the first few weeks of class- everyone had learned by now that it was pointless to bring their wands out in this room.

Umbridge nodded, "Good; now everyone please turn their books to page thirty-four of Defensive Magical Theory, there will be-"

"No need to talk." The Duo and Trio said under their breaths.


"So, Harry… you never did tell us who that letter was from." Hermione said as the five trudged down to the dungeons for Potions class.

"Is Hedwig all right, Harry?" added Ron, "Where'd you take her?"

"She went to Grubbly-Plank. And I met McGonagall on the way. She told me to be careful about what we send out of here, apparently someone tried to intercept Hed' and she got hurt." Harry replied, waiting until SD and PK were a little ways away before pulling out the piece of parchment that had been attached to Hedwig's leg.

Today, same time, same place.

"Who's it from, anyways?" Ron asked, as the three read over it.

"Snuffles." was Harry's muttered reply.

"What does he mean by 'Same time, same place'?" Hermione questioned.

"I'm guessing he means the common room fireplace at midnight." Ron answered.

"Of course that's what he means; I just hope no one else got to read this. But then again, I doubt they'd be able to make any sense of it." was Hermione's reply.

By this time, they had reached the classroom, and were lost in thought, only to be jolted back into reality by the snide voice of one Draco Malfoy. He was standing right outside the classroom door, waving a piece of parchment and boasting about something or another loudly so everyone, whether they wanted to or not, could hear the ferret.

"Yeah, Umbridge gave the Slytherin Quiddich team permission to play…"

Harry tuned him out, sadly used to the constant bragging of the self-proclaimed Prince of Slytherin. That is, until he started spouting some crap about the Gryffindor team…

"…It'll be interesting to see if they can play at all, won't it?"

"Don't rise to his bait, Harry." muttered PK, seeing the green-eyed boy frown at Malfoy's words and open his mouth as if about to say something, "It's what he wants. That's an old trick."

"I mean," Malfoy said, raising his voice louder, grey eyes glimmering with mischief as he looked in the Golden Trio's direction, "if it's a matter of influence from the Ministry, that sad team doesn't stand a bloody chance. …From what Father says, they've been looking for a chance to sack Weasley's father for years… and as for Scar-head? Father says that they've got a special place in St. Mungo's for people who're touched in the head as a result of magic."

The blonde made a horrible face, his jaw dropped and his eyes rolling around in his head. Crabbe and Goyle gve their usual chuckles of laughter while Pansy hollered in glee. Just then, there was a shout from SD, who was standing behind Harry, and something collided hard with his shoulder.

It took a second to realize that that thing was Neville, and the boy was charging straight to the bleached-blonde Slytherin.

"Neville, no!" Harry yelled, grabbing the back of his robes; the boy struggled frantically, trying to get at Malfoy by any means possible, who looked- oddly enough- completely shocked.

"Help me, will ya?" Harry grunted to Ron, who took a hold of the enraged boy's robes as well, dragging him backwards, away from the Slytherins. Crabbe and Goyle were slowly inching forward, ready for a fight, while Neville was dragged father away, odd words coming out of his mouth with the little air supply he could manage.

"Not… funny… don't… Mungo's… show… him…"

PK and SD watched this with revulsion and pity, and turned to face a chuckling Malfoy, fire burning in their eyes.

"Oh, you are so dead, Mal-" SD started, only to be cut off as PK marched forward and pulled the same move Hermione had done once before. She punched the boy right in the face.

"…PK? Have I ever told you how amazingly kick-ass you are?" SD said, blinking stupidly at her usually non-physically-violent friend as Malfoy grabbed his nose and moaned in pain.

The brunette grinned in response, "Nope. But thanks for the complement, SD-chan!"

The dungeon door opened,. Snape appeared at the threshold, his black eyes swept through the lines of students to the point where Harry and Ron were still struggling with Neville.

"Potter, Weasley, Longbottom, fighting?" Snape said in a cold, sneering tone, "Ten points from Gryffindor. Release Longbottom, Potter, or it will be a detention. Now inside, all of you."

Harry released Neville, and Malfoy stared stupidly at Snape, who hadn't noticed that his one of his prized students was in pain. And he continued not to notice as the class was led inside and they took out their copies of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.

"You will notice, that we have a guest today." Snape announced as the flurry of books and quills had settled. He gestured to a corner of the dungeon where Umbridge was sitting on a small stool, her clipboard in hand. Harry glanced between the two; Snape and Umbridge, the two teachers he despised as much as Malfoy… it was hard to tell which one he wanted to triumph over the other.

"We will be continuing with our study on Strengthening Solutions today. You will be preparing the first set of instructions. They are on the board, so carry on."

Harry spent the first half-hour of the lesson discreetly trying listen to the questioning the DADA teacher was putting Snape through. He couldn't hear much though, but SD and PK could. After Harry gave up trying to hear them, he amused himself by just watching the reactions between the two professors and listening to PK and SD's mumbled comments about the toad.

By the end of the hour, Umbridge was quite flustered, Malfoy was still nursing a swollen nose, most students were giving PK wary looks, and the Duo had managed to put together a fairly well-done Solution.

In their opinion, it was definitely the best class of the day.


A/N: Well… that took longer than expected. Half an hour for the first three pages, and two days for the last 10... Hmm…

PK13: At least you got it out.

SD27: True. So, hope you're happy, minna-san!

PK13: (grin) I got to punch Malfoy!

SD27: Yeah… he really deserved it too.

PK13: SD has a new ficcie up! It's called Mon Ange de Gardien, and it'd make her so happy if people would read and review it (/shamless plugging)

Happy Holidays, Minna-san!

PK13 and SD27