Do you have any fucking idea how weird it is to have the girl you used to bully sleeping in your bed? She's cuddled up, snoring, making weird little sounds, stretching, sighing… all of which makes my foot shake on top of my covers. At three, I move to the couch to get away from her warmth and the smell of flowers and the noises she's making. I pull out my phone and do whatever I can to pass the time before my eyes can't stay open any longer. By six, I've woken up three times and decide I've had enough.
J texts me be ready by 8 but I'm fucking ready now.
Tiptoeing as quietly as I can to my shower, I shut the door and turn on the fan hoping to diffuse the noise a little. I need it, though. I need warm water falling onto my tense shoulders. Heat from the water against aching, stiff muscles relaxes the tenseness cooped up in my muscles.
In the shower, I scrub my hair and my face and my balls. The lather and the steam washes me of last night. The bad vibes from Cas, the questions game with Bella, and Aro.
Fucking Aro.
Fucking Charles Swan.
Memories of this week in Fresno wash through me, and fuck me if it doesn't etch me back into stone.
Jasper texted me Monday afternoon, just after school.
SOS—my house now.
I'm there in seven minutes.
"Dimitri needs us in California," he says simply.
"The fuck?"
"Something about Aro. I don't fucking know."
"When?"
"Like two hours ago. Come on."
I sigh so loudly it hurts. J grabs our emergency bags from his attic and throws them in the back of my car while making a bunch of calls to the other dealers in the state.
It's an unspoken protocol. When the big boss wants to meet with us and no one else, we lose our shit a little bit.
"This is huge," Jasper says between calls.
"How long are we gone this time?" I ask, pulling at the roots of my hair.
"D says 24 hours tops. Last time he said that, we were gone four days."
It's easier to get away on the weekends, so I try and think of something to say to my dad. He's nightshift tonight, but my car absent from the driveway will give me away.
Issues with Jasper's mom. Can I chill with him for the night? I text my dad quickly. Weeks ago, I wouldn't have asked, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and respect boundaries. My therapist asked me to try. She told me he's the parent and I'm only seventeen.
Sometimes I forget that.
So here I am, trying.
Everything okay? he responds immediately.
Yeah, you know her. He just needs someone to talk to I think.
I'm so fucking good at lying on my feet that it almost makes me feel bad.
Okay, kiddo. Let me know if I can help.
Kiddo.
Help.
My dad has no fucking idea the son he's raised. But it's not all his fault. All of my decisions made it so hard for anyone to love me, help me, or save me.
We make it to Fresno by five am on Tuesday and crash at the hotel Dimitri got for us. Dim is one of the few dudes in this ring that isn't to be fucked with, and even I know that. When he says jump, you say how high? When he says be in my office in Fresno by Tuesday at 2pm, you better be there by 1:59pm.
So, after we sleep and shower and eat a fuck ton of hotel food, Jasper and I head over to Dim's office.
He owns a t-shirt making company for tax purposes, but it's a front to launder his money. Inside the huge warehouse are racks and racks of t-shirts, sweatshirts, and hoodies. Through the back there's a sliding glass door, two armed guards, and a very short, very smiling Dimitri.
"My boys!" he says happily.
Dimitri is a scary as motherfucker. I've never seen it personally, but J told me he once saw Dimitri shoot the knee cap off of a guy for turning away before he was done speaking. Like I said, he's not someone you want to piss off.
Inside there are two guys I've never seen, another corporate guy from the East coast, Laurent, who's on the same level of Aro but handles Oregon's sales, Aro, and Charles Swan.
"Fuck," Jasper whispers, stumbling a moment before regaining composure and finding a seat at the table.
"Jasper, Edward," Aro says with a bow of his head. Normally, he shakes our hands in the most flamboyant way he can, so this tells me he's nervous. He better fucking be. Slicked back hair shines greasy under the lights.
"Aro, what the fuck is going on?" Dimitri says the second the guards shut the door. "Twenty-seven homeless found dead, overdosed, in your area. I know it's not our product making headlines, so you better explain what in the fuck is happening."
"I have an idea to make us millions."
Dimitri looks at him like are you fucking kidding me? before pulling out his chair and sitting.
"I don't need millions," Dimitri says. "I have millions. What I need is for my employees to obey. I don't currently have that."
"It's a synthetic drug I cooked up in my office. Costs four dollars to make a batch and we can sell for—"
"Enough," Dimitri says calmly.
"I've already done research on the overhead—"
"Enough!" he yells this time, and everyone shuts up. Aro's pushing it, testing Dimitri for some reason. Aro swallows and purses his lips. He doesn't like to be talked down to especially in the company of those lower than him.
Charles Swan sits there silently, looking from Aro to Dimitri, and I can tell he doesn't have a lick of alcohol in his system because his skin looks sallow, clammy, and thirsty.
"I've gathered us here to discuss one thing and one thing only. Aro, you are not to make, distribute, or sell whatever you have been. You are not to invite random people off the streets into our business. You are not to open your fucking mouth about anything ever. If I so much as hear even one whisper of these goings-on again, I will personally make a trip to bum-fuck-no-where Forks, and shoot you in your sleep. Am I understood?"
Aro nods, but it's not enough.
"You are leaving a trail for the feds, and I'm sick of cleaning it up. You signed a contract with me, as have most of you in this room." Dimitri pauses to look at Charles. "Do I need to remind you what happens if you break said contract?"
Aro breathes in, and I can tell he's mad. He bites his tongue. Aro's anger can often get the better of him, and he acts on impulse, but I can see he's trying to keep himself in check. So many are afraid of Aro, but this little shit wouldn't last two minutes selling to some of the scum that I sell too.
"Edward, Jasper," Dimitri says, and we both look up. "If you so much as sniff some dirty shit you even think Aro might be doing, you are to report to me immediately."
Aro looks from Dimitri to us and back. He's livid that his employees will be keeping tabs on him.
"Yes sir," we both say.
Aro stands when Dimitri dismisses him, and so do the rest of us. When Dimitri is done, he's done. What a pointless, sixteen hour trip for no fucking reason other than make Aro a little bitch in front of everyone. I guess that's all Aro needed, though. He thinks he's a big fish in a little pond, but it's the opposite, and he needs to learn that before Dimitri shows him.
"And, Charles, is it?" Dimitri says as we all stand.
Dimitri leans back in his velvet, executive chair and steeples his fingers, looking directly at Charles.
"Why exactly have you come today?"
Charles opens his mouth, more than eager, but Dimitri waves his hand briefly.
"This meeting was for Aro and his employees only. What makes you so entitled that you would show up to my business, in my town, with my employees?"
Charles swallow's the lump in his throat and shakes his head.
"Were you invited?" Dimitri asks when Charles is silent.
He nods.
"Speak!" he yells.
"Y-yes," he mutters. Regretfully, I laugh through a cough. Dimitri looks to me slowly, stares me down, and then back to Charles. Fuck fuck fuck. Jasper elbows me and I elbow him back. Dick.
"By whom?" Dimitri asks slowly.
"By Aro."
Dimitri looks to Aro and blinks twice before relaxing his shoulders. "Aro, you will wait for me in the side office. Leave now."
Aro and Charles walk over to the exit before Dimitri interrupts. "Charles, you will stay."
Aro walks out and Charles walks back in. Everyone stands save for Dimitri who sits quietly, contemplating.
"Why have you agreed to work with Aro?"
"He offered me money."
"How much?"
"I-I don't really—"
"Charles, I do not have time. I asked a question. I expect an answer."
"Ten grand by the new year."
"Ten grand. That's measly… but not for you?"
"No, sir."
"And what will you do with it?"
Charles looks from me and Jasper to Dimitri. "I have a daughter who's going to college. I want to help her—"
"Bullshit," I mutter quietly before I can stop myself.
Dimitri glances at me with interest.
"What was that Edward?"
"I said bullshit, Dimitri."
He appreciates my honesty. He always has.
"And why is that, son?"
Son. Guilt eats at me. I'm not his son, but I have to play the part or get eaten alive.
Jasper's elbow jabs permanently into me now as does his heel in my toe. Jasper knows what Dimitri is capable of, and it's the only thing in the world that scares him.
"Edward?"
Looking from Dimitri to Charles, whose stare is hard and belligerent, I tell my boss's boss, "Charles Swan doesn't give a fuck about anyone, least of all his daughter."
Red warms his face from his neck and the yellows of his eyes bulge.
"And why is that?"
"Why don't you tell him?" I spit to Charles.
Dimitri, intrigued by my emotion and Charles's lack thereof, turns his body to my opponent.
"I don't know what he's talking about," Charles lies and I tsk.
"The one thing Dimitri doesn't like is a fucking liar," I tell Charles.
Jasper's heel is so far into my foot that I can't even feel it anymore.
"Do you know this daughter, Edward?" Dimitri asks.
"Yes."
"And she's your girlfriend?"
"Fuck no," I tell him, but he's still staring. "I don't do girlfriends, remember, Dim?" I tease, giving him my best cocky smile.
Dimitri loves to hear my hookup stories, so maybe I'll change his tune by reverting to my playboy self. Hopefully this gets him to move the fuck along and drop it before I say too much.
It works.
Dimitri laughs and winks at me. "Yes, that's very true." Dimitri stands and walks from his chair to Charles, clapping him on the back. "I never want to see your face around me again unless I call you personally, do you understand?"
"Yes."
"I have a way of making people disappear," he warns. "And I'm very fucking good at it." Charles nods as Dimitri opens the door. "Laurent, good to see you," he says, dismissing the other guy in the room.
"What the fuck," J whispers angrily. "We are so fucked."
"It's fine."
"You just opened Bella up to—"
"Boys, there's a party at my place later. I'd love for you to come," Dimitri says. "I know you have school. Perhaps I can have my doctor write you a note?"
J smiles his best smile and nods. "Send me the pin for the address," he says with fake excitement.
Dimitri claps us on our backs and chuckles as he dismisses us kindly. Things seem to be going okay, and usually Dim's parties are full of coke and pills and business with old fucks. When we're invited, it's more about showing off attractive drug dealers and how much we can sell because of it. Dim normally leaves us alone at these parties, so when he says, "Find me tonight," an anchor sinks in my stomach. It's about business.
Jasper doesn't talk to me until the sun sets. What the fuck ever, man. He's got a shoe shoved up his ass, and it's pissing me off.
The hotel Dimitri put us up at has no fucking view, but the room is incredible. A suite with a kitchen, living room, and two bedrooms on either side. I take this time to close and lock my fucking door, and sleep.
At seven, Jasper knocks on my door and sends me a text.
D wants us there by 9. Leaving at 8:30.
The clock tells me it's 7:45 and I have a raging fucking headache.
I don't normally do this, but I reach into the emergency bag Dimitri gave us with wads of cash and pills and pull out a Xanax, popping one and downing it with a bottle of water.
Xanny doesn't normally fuck me up, so I feel okay taking it tonight.
I sit on my bed and pull out my phone, reading through my messages to find the one between me and Bella.
I want to tell her she should be safe for the next day or so until he gets back home, just to give her peace of mind, but when Jasper pounds on my door again, I toss my phone on my bed and head for the shower.
It's ten and we're in Dim's office.
He's got some old blonde woman on his lap doing lines of coke from a mirror on his desk. When she bends, I can see saggy tits and the way he feels her ass. It's fucking gross.
The room isn't for business talks. There are too many fucking people here. Four girls hover around me and J at all times just waiting for me to snap my fingers and point to my dick.
Two are blonde, one is a red head, and the other has long, silky brown hair. When she turns to fill my glass, I almost think it's her, but the eyes aren't the same and this girl is too boney.
"Take one out," Dimitri pushes, winking and laughing and sharing a line or two with his girl.
"Later," I say with a smirk.
This makes him chuckle harder and point to me. Dim loves a party and a good time, but I often wonder where he finds these girls.
An hour later, J has a bong to his mouth ripping tokes with Laurent and I'm drinking from the same beer I've had since I walked in.
"Come," Dimitri says clapping me on the back.
We walk alongside the cement patio outside, under the lights by his porch, and down to the bottom patio.
"This Charles," he says pulling a chair out and sitting down at the table.
"Not worth it," I say.
"Just because of the girl?"
"No. He's a drunk."
"I can see that." Dimitri waits for me to continue, but I'm afraid I'll say too much.
"He's a coward—"
"How so?"
I steeple my fingers the same way he does and think of my wording. "His wife died a few years ago, and instead of caring for his family, he turned to the bottle. Now, he's turned to selling weird fucking drugs that Aro's producing. A homeless guy not even two minutes from his house was found in an alley where he overdosed on whatever Aro made."
Dimitri nods because he already knows. "How did you know it was Aro's?"
Dim doesn't understand that Aro's trying to compete with him. If Dim doesn't take Aro up on his offer to sell whatever drug he's cooked, Aro's going to do it on his own.
"He stamps baggies with an image."
"Which is?"
"An apple."
Dimitri nods and leans back. He's emotionless, but the way he swivels slowly tells me there's much more to this story.
"Are you happy in your position, Edward?" he asks, switching quickly before I can catch on too much.
This is where I need to tread carefully.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you happy with leadership? Do you feel supported?"
"You are—"
"No, no," he starts but doesn't finish. He means Aro. Fuck. I don't want his blood on my hands.
"Aro does what Aro does, and I do what I do."
"Are you aware sales have grown in your area alone by nineteen percent? That's remarkable."
"Awesome." It's flat, and I don't intend it, but I'm so afraid of saying the wrong shit out here alone. Who knows, he could have a gun pointed at my nuts right under the table.
"It is, indeed. I'm going to send you and Jasper home with a little bonus. It will be packed with the shipment in your car."
"Shipment?" I ask. Aro normally takes care of that.
"I sent Aro home this afternoon. He does not have the shipment, and someone needs to disperse it. Can I trust you, Edward?"
"Yes, sir."
"Marvelous," he says with a smile before switching the topic. "Are the girls treating you well?"
"Very," I lie. Normally, I'd be all over these girls. Tonight, my dick hasn't even twitched once.
"There's a little spot secluded from the party just after the guest house. No one can see or hear, if you catch my drift," he jokes. "I know how loud your partners can be," he chuckles deeply. "Go easy on the brunette. She's new."
I give him a cocky smirk but inside I'm fucking dying. He's expecting me to perform like I used to, and honestly it's my fault for being a fucking animal before. When I used to come to these parties, I was like a fat kid in a candy shop, gorging myself on all of the beautiful girls. Now, though, I'm sick at the thought of putting my dick in any of them.
But I know I have a part to play, so when I head back inside with Dim, I snort half a line, and grab the brunette by the waist, whispering in her ear, "wanna go somewhere quiet?"
She nods vehemently, and I shoot Dim a look that he returns with a knowing, happy smile.
The coke works quickly, and before I know it, I've got this brunettes neck in my mouth and her tit in my hand. I close my eyes and see her. Blue eyes stare back, long brown hair wraps around my wrist, and the word princess falls out of my mouth as I kiss hers slowly.
I'm overly powerful, and my dick, solid as marble, strains against denim.
But something still isn't right.
This isn't the old Edward. The old Edward would have his dick inside a wet pussy by now, not caressing the lips of a girl he's pretending to be someone else.
I'm so fucked.
The girl sits me down on a lounge chair and pulls her dress up.
"No," I protest as she hovers over me. My dick wants pussy so fucking bad, but I can't do it. "No. Just suck my dick."
She greedily obeys. Her fingers unzip my pants, and out springs my heavy erection. At this angle, with the way the light is hitting her, I only see her outline and the shine of her long, brown hair. Fuck she looks like her.
"You're so hard," the girl says innocently, and my cock jumps again.
I take the base of my dick and the back of her head and guide the two together. She works my shaft and cups my balls and is a grade A blowjob queen, but I can't stop calling her princess, and touching her hair, and telling her to take my cock down her throat.
"Fuck," I grunt, trying to quell the need to speak or talk dirty or say anything at all in this moment, but the more I speak, the more I pretend it's her and I don't fucking want to stop.
"Mmmm," the girl moans over my shaft.
"Yes," I hiss.
I watch the shadow of her head bob up and down before I gather all her hair in my fist and stand. Pulling the hair at her scalp, I yank her head back and tower over her, slapping my dick head on her waiting tongue.
"You ready for my cum?" I pant.
She nods a giggle, giving me full control, and that's what does it.
"Swallow it, princess," I whisper. Closing my eyes, gripping her hair, and exploding forcefully into the mouth of this girl but all I can see in my head are two blue eyes and absolute bliss as if Bella Swan would ever get off on sucking my dick.
The idea has my balls empty more and more down the throat of this random girl, and I'm so fucked it's not funny.
She sucks me dry and puts me away still hard.
"You ever wanna let me ride that, give me a call," she whispers.
As she stands and leaves, I fall back onto the lounge chair and pant. I'm angry at myself and the way I treated this girl, I'm frustrated about my weird feelings for Bella, and I'm so fucking pent up with emotion that I can't even internalize to myself.
Days later, here I am with Bella in my bed, my dick hard in the shower, and the memories of coming inside another girls throat while thinking of the one girl I used to fucking pick on. Later, when I'm alone, I'll jerk off to those thoughts, but I know I can't right now.
Toweling off and dressing in joggers and a tee-shirt, Bella sleeps peacefully in my bed still.
It's just before seven, and it's still dark out, so I don't really see my dad at the kitchen island when I head downstairs.
"Did I hear you come in with someone last night?" he asks, scaring the shit out of me.
"Oh, uhm, yeah," I tell him honestly.
"Edward, you have to respect the boundaries," he says firmly. "Grounded means in by eleven and no visitors."
"It's Bella," I tell him honestly, hoping he'll ease up on a punishment if he thinks I was helping her. I mean, I was helping her. When I came home from Fresno, my dad lost it. He used every card in the book.
"I was scared,", "I almost called the police,", "I drove to Jasper's and neither of your cars were there!"
It's a lie. He didn't drive to Jaspers because he doesn't know where Jasper lives.
He's silent for a minute before speaking. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's just—" I stop and shake my head. "It's not my story," I say, but honestly I just don't know what to tell him.
"Is she harmed?" he asks.
"No."
My dad nods and closes the paper. "I think it's very kind of you to offer a friendly hand to Isabella, but is she getting the wrong idea?" he asks me.
"The wrong idea?"
"Is she getting the impression that you—"
"Want to fuck her? Come on, dad," I say irritably. Honestly, yeah, I do hope she's getting the impression that I want to fuck her. Because guess what? I fucking do.
"Is she getting the impression that you can offer her more than a friendship?"
I roll my eyes. "Dad, the last thing Bella Swan wants is anything more than a friendship with me. I don't even think she wants a friendship with me."
It's not a total lie. I thought she'd be relieved to see me when J and I came back on Thursday, but she didn't seem to care either way.
"You have to work on the relationship—"
"—I have with myself… yeah dad, I know. Dr. Shelly tells me the same shit. It's like you're feeding each other lines or something."
My dad shakes his head. "Of course not, son. We just want what's best for you. I think its noble you're trying to help your friends. If Bella ever needs a safe place to say, of course she can stay here… down the hall in the guest room. Understood?" he asks.
I nod. "Yeah. We were paired up for a science project. Is it cool if we work together in the dining room, or do you want us right in front of you in your office? Better yet, let's install some cameras so you can keep your eyes on me 24/7. That might make it easier."
"Edward, be fair," he says. "You have to earn trust."
"I've been trying!"
He nods in agreeance, but I'm pissed and annoyed and it's barely even morning.
My dad stands and grabs his bag. "I'll call you later, son," he says as a goodbye before heading out the door.
I pace around until seven thirty and decide to see if Bella's up. She's still curled in a ball, snoring softly, and I hate to even wake her ass up because I know it's been forever since she's slept this soundly. So I don't. I leave her there, in my fucking bed, under my fucking covers, brown hair tangled all over my fucking pillowcases because I love giving myself blue balls all fucking day.
Pick me up I text J and he sends back already on my way.
I write quickly on a piece of a paper, thinking a text might wake her, and place it on her phone.
Runs with Jasper. Be back by ten. Relax. –EC
"How the fuck do we do this?" Jasper asks, popping his trunk in my driveway.
Neither of us have overseen distribution of product. Aro gives us what we need, and that's all. We open the duffle bag in the trunk and step back.
"The fuck is that?" Jasper asks.
"Count it," I tell him. "Dim said he was giving us a bonus."
A few minutes later, he says, "twenty-five grand."
I rub my head and pace. Jasper is excited because who wouldn't be?
Me? I'm thinking this is Dimitri's way of keeping us here. Where else can you earn twenty five thousand dollars? How the fuck am I going to put this in the bank? Cash isn't good in large sums like this.
"I'm buying a new fucking car," Jasper laughs.
"Let's get the product ready," I tell him, pushing the cash aside and getting down to business. "Forks sells mostly weed, and we run dry end of the month, so let's move things around. Less pills and more grass in Forks. Less grass and more pills in Port A. Those fuckers love to party."
"When's the next Port A party?"
"Next weekend. I told Bella I'd take her and split the profits. You good with that?"
"Now that I'm twenty-five thousand dollars richer? Fuck yeah."
"Twelve and a half, dumbass. We're splitting it."
"Still," he says, and I nod because it's true.
We deliver to our dealers and explain the new amounts of product before heading home.
"Diner?" Jasper asks.
"Nah," I say, remembering Bella at home.
"What's up with you?" he asks. "You're being all weird."
"If I tell you something, you have to swear you won't say anything to anyone ever."
"Okay."
"No, I'm fucking serious. Not Alice, no one."
"Okay, dude, fuck. What happened?" Jasper asks seriously.
"Bella's at my house."
"Right now?"
"In my bed."
"Fuck."
"And I want her to still be in there when I go back inside." This is the rawest I've been with him since I told him about my mom.
Jasper turns to me slowly. "Fuck dude."
We're parked at my house and Jasper sits in the passenger seat for a while longer. It's 10:20, and I want him to get the fuck out so I can go see Bella, but then he tells me something just as raw of his own.
"I'm in love with Alice fucking Brandon."
~!~
We stay in my car for five more minutes and chew on each other's words. It's huge for us. Jasper hops out just as the rain starts, but I stay inside for a moment longer.
Rain pours down in large drops. It's so cold I can see a thin sheet of sleet covering my windshield already. Inside is warm and quiet and I make my way upstairs.
My room is empty, and so is the bed.
Regret and emptiness flood through me at the same time, but I think these two together make disappointment because that's what I feel next.
My fingers find the pillowcase her head laid on all night. My hands smooth over the blanket I covered her with when I thought she might be too cold. The note sits on my nightstand, but her phone is gone, and so is she.
Deciding I want to wallow and sleep, I stand and peel off my shirt, entering the bathroom to brush my teeth, but a loud screech fills the room and my ears, and I'm blasted back.
"Shut the door!" she yells, but before I can, I find the source of the screaming. It's her, and she's laying in my bathtub, bubbles filled high, and pink nipples sticking out of the water. "Edward!" she yells.
Clearing my head, I hurry back out of the door and slam it shut.
I've seen them before, her pink nipples, but fuck if I don't want to taste them right now.
The devil on my shoulder tells me to. Just go in there, she won't say no. You're Edward fucking Cullen. The control makes my dick harden. Fuck what I wouldn't give to control her. Tie her to this fucking bed and have her in any way I want.
I have to leave the room, or I really will tie her to the bed.
The angel on my shoulder leads me away. She's damaged and broken and hurt. She's your friend and she's trusting you to do the right thing by her.
Needing to busy myself, I pull out a pan and a box of macaroni and boil some water. I'm heating up the beef by the time Bella comes down.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly, and I can barely hear her over the ice on the roof.
"I'm sorry," I tell her honestly. "I thought you left and—"
"Your note said you'd be back, and I didn't want to walk home," she explains.
"Of course," I stutter. "I can take you now? If you want?"
She looks past me to the weather and grimaces. "Lets maybe wait a little?"
I smile and nod. "Good idea."
"What are you making?"
Laughing because what a question, I tell her honestly, "whatever was in the fridge."
She walks over and pulls up her sleeves, and I forget, for a few moments at least, about the controlling desire I just ran away from.
"We can make chili with all this. Do you have any beans?"
"Uhm, maybe?" I laugh.
"Is the pantry still over here?"
I nod, watching her open the doors, bend to grab something low, and stand on her tip toes to search through the cans.
"Ah-ha!" she says with a smile.
I watch from the island as she moves around, cooking the meat, adding cans of whatever she found in the cupboard. She makes me cut onions and I bitch the entire time.
After thirty minutes she says, "okay, it has to cook for a few hours."
"A few hours?" I reiterate. "Isn't it all cooked now?"
"The flavors have to blend together," she says with a roll of her eyes. "We can start on that project if you want?"
So we do.
It's easy with her. She laughs at my stupid jokes, and we share stories about Mr. Banner's weird blinking and the way he says "pencil". Bella's really smart, and she proves that with her portion of the research paper.
"How do you have so much done?" I ask. I'm only one page in.
"Working at the library has its benefits."
I fucking guess so. I open up my notebook to the notes I've been taking when she asks her next question.
"Edward? Why were you looking up addiction that day in the library?"
She nervously shuffles through papers.
"Because I am," I shrug honestly, deciding that if she asked, she must want to know.
"Addicted to what? Weed?"
Her naivety makes my lips twitch into the smallest smile.
"No."
"Alcohol?"
"No, Bella."
"Then what?"
I take a deep breath and show her my honesty. "I think I'm addicted to sex."
She gives me her big, round eyes before blinking rapidly and looking away. After a few minutes of working quietly, she asks more.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because I like having sex."
"But addiction means you need it, like, every day, right?"
I nod.
"And do you?"
"Yes."
"But you're also a seventeen year old boy… so isn't that, like, normal?"
"Libido wise, I guess. My therapist says with my flavors and sexual preferences… she's seen teenagers grow into adults who become so hyper focused on fucking that their addiction becomes consuming. I'm trying not to get to that point." My therapist has thrown the word hypersexual around a few times.
"Oh," she says softly, going back to her work.
After ten minutes of silence, she looks at me and asks, "so do you want to have sex right now?"
Bella's stare and serious tone meet my gaze and I don't think she expects this level of honesty from me.
"If the opportunity presented itself, I wouldn't say no… depending on the person, obviously," I say softly.
"If I weren't here, would you…?"
"Have sex?"
Bella looks down and nods. "Yeah."
"No."
"Why not?"
"My therapist is very good at what she does, and I'm trying to follow her suggestions. She's asked me to refrain from sex, so I am."
"Is it hard?" Bella asks quietly, flipping awkwardly through her science notebook.
She doesn't catch my smirk because Bella's innocent. I don't call her a princess because she's some helpless, dainty girl. I call her a princess because she's so far removed from my world of monsters. She's naïve and simple and pure in the best fucking way despite her rough, fucked up childhood.
"Sometimes," I tell her.
"But you can… do other stuff?"
This is where I get a little uncomfortable. I don't want her asking anymore after this, but I'm compelled to honesty.
"She'd like me to refrain from it whenever possible, but if I need to release, I can do… other stuff."
"Oh," she says softly, face beet red, lip between her teeth, eyes avoiding mine.
Bella doesn't ask anymore questions after that, and I'm so fucking glad. I suggest we move on to the group project, and Bella easily agrees.
Over the next hour and a half, we compile and compare all of our traits, making Punnett Squares as proof for our project of the dominant versus recessive genes our kid might have.
"You have a widows peak," Bella says with a laugh.
"So the fuck do you," I tease back.
"Okay, so that's definitely dominant."
"Are your earlobes attached?" she asks, looking at my ears.
"How do I know?"
Bella shows me a picture of what they look like before reaching up and grabbing my ear lobe.
"Yours are. Are mine?" she asks, turning her head so I can see.
Lifting my fingers, I grip her earlobe between my pointer and thumb, giving a little tug.
"Yours are too," I tell her.
"Both recessive!" she says with a smile, figuring it out in the Punnett Square. Her smile is light and excited—she's actually having fun doing this shit.
"Roll your tongue," I tell her.
"Huh?"
I stick mine out and show her and she does the same.
"Can you do this?" I ask, making a four-leaf clover.
Bella tries, looking down at mine and then hers, but she obviously can't see, and that shit is funny.
"What about this?" I ask, rolling my tongue in waves. "Or this?" I write the alphabet with my tongue in rapid movements.
"I get it, Edward. You've had a lot of oral practice with that tongue. Now put it away."
"Actually, I haven't."
"Huh?"
"My tongue hasn't had a lot of oral practice, smartass."
"What? Why's that?"
I shrug. She's probably confused given our conversation earlier. "No real reason. I just don't do that."
"Like, ever?"
"Never once."
"So, you're a virgin?" she sort of giggles.
I laugh at her comment. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Well, that's a shame."
She surprises me. "Why?"
"I guess I just figured with all the girls, and those tongue movements…"
I shrug off her comment. "Eating a girl out is too… personal, I guess."
"But you have no problem getting a blowjob?"
I nod sheepishly. "I know, it sounds horrible."
Bella's calling me on my bullshit, and it's not even pissing me off.
"Just a little hypocritical. I'd never go down on a guy if he wouldn't go down on me."
"And a guy has reciprocated every time?" I ask in disbelief.
She's silent and her browns knit together briefly before she shakes off whatever thoughts she was having and tries to change the subject.
"Smile so I can see if you have dimples," she says, changing the subject.
"I do. And so do you. Has a guy eaten you out every single time you went down on him?" I ask. "You already used your veto, Swan," I tell her, trying to trap her into an answer. It's not fair, but I need to know.
She looks at me intensely and shakes her head. "No. No one's ever gone down on me before."
I sit back, confused.
"But you just said… and I know for a fact you were with at least Mike and Jake… did you never? And they never? But I know you've said…" I think out loud, trying to make sense of everything.
"I should check the chili," she says quietly before getting up.
I can read a room, and Bella seems uncomfortable, so I silently think through her comments and wonder if maybe she just goes right to fucking like I do? Because if that's the case, it'll be much easier. But on the other hand, Bella doesn't strike me as the girl who fucks and ducks, so nothing really makes sense.
Wanting to make her comfortable, I drop it when she comes back.
"Is it done because I'm fucking starving, Bella."
She laughs softly, sitting in her seat again. "Almost."
We review right or left handedness, hand clasping, freckles, and natural hair texture before calling it a day.
"I think we have a great start! If you want, just finish the other Punnett Squares, and maybe someday this week we can get together and work on the visual of our crazy looking kid." Bella's laugh and the comment about our kid have me feeling way too fucking comfortable, so I stand and stretch.
She looks tiny sitting in the cushioned chair, and her hair rests messily in a bun atop her head. Her eyelashes stick together with yesterday's mascara, and I want to fucking kiss her.
But I can't.
So I walk away.
"Alright. I know you said it was almost done thirty minutes ago. But I gotta eat, Bella."
Pulling down two bowls, I load them up, sprinkle on some cheese, and fall into the sectional in the living room.
It looks like the weather has broken, and I tell her so.
"I can drop you off when we're done. Grab your bowl," I tell her.
"I'm not hungry—"
"Grab you're fucking bowl, Bella," I tell her with a piping hot spoonful of chili in my mouth. My eyes bore into hers so she knows I'm not playing. She hasn't eaten since the half of a sandwich yesterday. Bullshit she's not hungry.
She comes back with half the amount I gave her, but at least she's eating something. I finish my second bowl before she's done with her first.
"Fuuuuck," I groan. "This is so fucking good."
The blush creeps up her neck and blooms onto her cheeks, and it's actually really fucking cute how she hides her shy smile.
We scrape off the car together and I drive slowly to her house. The roads aren't complete shit until we get past the train tracks. She makes comments about missing the playground and wishing it could stay fall all year. I agree. I never got to finish my art I was painting onto the blacktop, but it is what it is.
The thought of telling her that her dad was in California with me crosses my mind more often than I'd like, and I have to beat it down with a bat. It will scare her, cause more questions than I can answer, make her wonder just what goes on behind the scenes.
"So, the party next week?" she asks when I pull up at her house.
I notice J's car in the parking lot and wonder if he wants some company.
"I'll give you the details about it this week as I get them."
She nods, stepping out of the car as I pull into Jasper's driveway.
When I get out, I notice her skating across the sidewalk onto the grass.
"Hey Bella?" I call. When she turns around, pink cheeked and frozen, "careful," I say, pointing to the lattice under her window.
She nods in understanding but says nothing in return.
I find a very baked Jasper in the shed. His eyes are almost touching they're so closed, and he's got one hand in his sweatpants, the other on a Playstation controller.
"Hey," he says slowly.
"You good?" I ask, dropping my bag to the floor and unpacking my supplies.
Jasper loves to smoke bowls because it gets him higher faster. I love the social aspect, the ritual of packing, rolling, licking, and lighting up a joint. I pass to him but he declines.
"How's your girl?" I ask him jokingly.
"How's yours?"
Tou-fucking-ché.
After half a joint and an entire bottle of water, I grab a controller and we play Grand Theft Auto for the next hour. Jasper loosens up enough to tell me he figured out he fell in love with Alice when he snuck into her room and overheard her dad yelling at her.
"She was fine, you know how tough Alice is, but then she just let out like three or four little tears, and my fucking heart hurt, dude."
"Did you tell her?"
"Hell no."
"Why not?"
"Why haven't you told Bella?"
"That's totally different. I literally fucked Bella up. You just fucked Alice."
Jasper shakes his head. "I don't know, dude. It's heavy, and I barely even know what love is. I don't think I've ever felt it in my whole fucking life."
Jasper's right. He's been dealt some shitty ass cards. Dead beat dad. Absent mom. No siblings. Long list of hookups. That's about all.
"You got my there, bro. I have no fucking idea, either."
Jasper laughs at my side and we spend the rest of the day, into the evening, bullshitting. He packs another bowl and declines Alice's call. I smoke the other half of my joint and check my phone every three minutes.
"Alice knows," Jasper says as I pack up to head out.
"Knows what?"
"That you like Bella."
I turn on my heel ready to fight. "Did you tell her?"
"No, but she's Alice. She just fucking knows shit."
Irritated and anxious, I tell him, "then she probably fucking knows you love her, dumbass."
When I make my way over to my car, I notice Charles Swan's car sitting in the driveway. He's outside on the porch, smoking a cigarette, and his eyes are on me. He catches me glancing toward the light in Bella's room, but how can he know I was looking there? For all he knows, I was looking straight ahead. He doesn't even know that I know where Bella's room is, or where her panties are, or the color of her sheets. He doesn't know shit.
"Aro's looking for you," he calls across the street.
Glancing at him for a moment longer, I ignore and step into my car. He's baiting me. If Aro wants me, he knows where to find me.
I pull out of the street and hit send on my call log.
"Hello?"
"Your dad's home."
Silence.
"Bella, did you hear me? Your dad's—"
"I heard you," she whispers, and I hear the jingle of locks on her door.
"Is that him?"
"No, I was just checking they're locked all the way. I hear him down there."
"Bella, he didn't seem drunk."
"Did he… did he talk to you?"
Fuck, she caught me.
"He wasn't slurring or stumbling," I say, ignoring her question.
"Maybe that's good," she says with a breath. "I'll, uhm, I'll talk to you later, okay?"
She hangs up before I can say goodbye.
~!~
At home, I package up the leftovers and put them in the fridge before cleaning the pans. I finish the research part of my project and start studying for a math test on Monday. No news from Bella is good news, so I don't feel so bad when I lay my head on the same pillow she used last night.
All good? I text just after midnight, but she doesn't respond.
Flowers surround me, like I'm laying in the weeds, in the meadow, staring up at the tallest trees in the forest, and the only thing missing is Bella.
~!~
At four I wake up startled, covered in sweat, panicked. I haven't had a nightmare like that in a while. This time, my mom was alive and coughing up blood and I just laid next to her.
I pull out the notepad my therapist recommended I keep in my nightstand and jot down my dream. She's really into dream therapy, like it's a subconscious thought that evokes only when you're at your most vulnerable. I don't know. Some of the shit she says is looney tunes crazy, but some makes a lot of sense.
I pick up my phone and see Bella texted at 12:37.
He's drinking again.
You good?
Her response isn't immediate. In the forty-five minutes it takes for her to text back, I can't sleep. I shut my eyes, willing sleep to overcome me, but it doesn't work. Neither does counting, or drawing my next tattoo in my head, or deep breathing. My leg won't stop shaking, and my fingers keep fucking moving. God damn it's so annoying. And I can't stop the constant flip in my stomach. As soon as I finish jotting down the note ask doc about insomnia, she finally responds.
Yes. Thanks, Edward.
I settle back into bed and within minutes, I'm asleep.
~!~
I see Bella with Jasper and Alice at their lockers Monday morning, but I don't stop. Bella doesn't look at me, I don't even think she sees me. The sound of her laughter as she throws her head back makes my palms itch. The length of her hair brushes against her lower back. Her jeans are tight and hug the curve of her hips.
I need to get a grip.
When Lauren catches my eye, she attaches herself to me, and I don't move her. Her dumbass keeps my attention long enough that the first few classes of the day fly by.
What are you doing after school? Lauren texts.
I ignore.
In fourth period, she persists. I'm not wearing panties.
Glad that she's not in this period with me because I roll my eyes so hard it hurts. The least sexy thing a girl can do is try too fucking hard.
I pocket my phone when lunch time comes, and sit with J and Alice, but Bella never shows.
Jasper sort of ignores Alice, and Alice pretends like she doesn't care, but they're both being ridiculous, and when Alice leaves, I tell him that.
"You don't know what you're talking about," he protests.
"And you do?" I retort.
"Shit's getting weird. I'm about to dip."
The shake of my head catches him off guard. Normally, I back him one thousand percent. Not on this. "You're going to regret it, J," I tell him honestly.
He gives me a look that says eat dog shit, but I'm already standing to leave.
"You've been better since her," I tell him. "Don't let your fucking fear or where you live in Forks determine your future."
It's too heavy for school, and it's too much in front of our peers, so I throw him a smile, but Jasper knows.
"Edward?" he says before I make it too far from the table. When I turn to him, he smiles back. "Take your own advice."
~!~
Science fucking sucks.
Victoria's back and word got around that we were going to be paired together, and she's beyond pissed to learn I'm with Bella.
Today is more independent work and research on our paper so we're in the library. She sits right next to me anyways. All I hear is her voice and I'd give any fucking thing to get her to go away.
Victoria yammers so much and so loud that I've only written seven sentences in thirty minutes. No one around us can concentrate on a fucking thing, so I turn to her.
"Maybe you should go help Mike."
"Why would I do that?" she asks in confusion, moving closer to me.
"Because you're his partner, not mine."
She laughs a little and goes to pet my hair, but I dodge her contact and scoot away. "We're not doing partner work today, baby," she mewls.
"Hey, Edward?" a voice behind me calls softly.
When I turn, Bella's standing all of five feet and four inches tall, tight black jeans, and a pink blouse. Was she wearing this all day? Is her hair curled? Why is she wearing so much makeup?
When I don't answer, because I'm glued to my seat and the blueness of her eyes, she continues.
"I found something really interesting for our project. Want to take a look?" Her fingers fidget, and she looks only at me, but I can tell she's nervous about Victoria's response.
"Yeah," I tell Bella, standing up and following her all the away from Victoria.
She leads me out of the computer lab and through the library behind a tall book shelf where a table sits.
Ben and Alice sit quietly as Bella pulls out her chair.
"I didn't really find anything," she says with a smile. "I could hear Victoria all the way from over here and thought maybe you'd like an excuse to leave."
Her voice is kind and small and compassionate, and so is her face as she looks into me.
"Thank you," I tell her honestly to which she responds with the simplest smile.
After a minute, Ben and Alice walk away to find a book on their portion of the project, and I sit back alone with Bella.
"Why are you so dressed up?" I ask.
"Huh?"
"You're wearing, like, clothes, and you have on makeup."
She laughs a little, looking down. Heat spreads up from her tits and I wonder just how far down she turns pink.
"I'm always wearing clothes, Edward," she says quietly. "And I'm wearing a lot of makeup because I didn't get any sleep last night. If I took all this off, you'd see purple eyes and ugly, blotchy skin."
"Did he-," I start but she shakes her head.
"No, nothing like that. I just… I was used to him being away for so long that it was hard to sleep."
I nod my head in understanding. "You look good."
Alice comes back and we drop it, but I want to know what she was thinking, where would this conversation go, and when's the next time I can kiss her.
I stare at her lips as she tugs with her teeth. Concentration looks fucking good on her, and my dick stirs in my pants as I imagine her on this table, back arched, me between her legs.
Fuck.
These compulsive thoughts are going to get me in so much fucking trouble.
At home, I work on the homework that's not even due until Thursday, trying to ignore the erection in my jeans. I take a cold fucking shower and it does the trick. I'm really fucking trying here.
~!~
Tuesday and Wednesday fly by. Mr. Banner announces all projects are due by next Monday, so Bella and I plan to work together Sunday at my house to finish the project.
One of the football players texts me about a huge party Saturday night. They won some dumbass competition which is always a great night for a drug dealer. I knew there'd be a party in Port A this weekend, but this is going to be bigger than big. Verifying with Jasper Thursday that he's okay with Bella taking over this Saturday is easier than I thought.
"Yeah, it's cool. I, uh, I took your advice. I grew a sack and asked Alice on a real date," he says quietly at his locker.
"No shit."
"If it backfires, I'm going to fuck you up," he teases.
"It won't. Be a gentleman. By her some fucking flowers or something. Eat her pussy. That kind of shit."
"Oh, is that what you do?" he jokes.
"Not a day in my fucking life," I laugh, saying goodbye.
By lunch, I'm ready for the day to be over. My therapist cancelled due to an emergency, my dad cancelled dinner plans due to a conference call, and Jasper's going to Alice's tonight.
I normally don't mind being alone, but I'm trying my best to not let my urges take over, and that can be pretty difficult when I'm home alone. My therapist has recommended getting a hobby. When I said I have one and it's fucking, she told me to get another. So, I'm trying my best to find times to finish my art at the playground. I suck ass at graffiti, but it's actually pretty relaxing.
"What's the weather supposed to be today?" I ask, looking around Jasper out the window of the cafeteria. It's a rare November day full of sunshine.
"I heard it's supposed to actually be nice," Bella says with a smile, sitting down with her tray.
Jasper shares a look with Alice. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" he asks her.
"Hell yeah," she says with a laugh, bouncing in excitement.
"Well do you mind clueing the rest of us in?" I ask over a huge bite of my sandwich.
He shakes his head, claps me on the back, and whispers, "I told her I'd let her ride my dick on a raft in the lake on the next nice day."
When I pull back, he can see my eye roll. "Jesus, dude. It's sunny not hot."
He shrugs. "I'll take what I can get."
What the fuck ever. I always thought I was the freak, but I'm thinking maybe I was wrong this whole time.
After school, I throw some spray paint cans into my backpack and drive over to the playground. It's a nice day, and I'm trying to finish that picture I started.
When I get there, it's empty and still and quiet. To anyone else, this place is a fucking graveyard, but I can see why Bella likes it here.
Popping in my earbuds, I get to work. After an hour of hunching over, bleeding colors together, mixing textures and feelings, I lean back and take a break. The wind whips, and I'm fucking glad I wore this sweatshirt. My mind wanders to Jasper and Alice at the lake, and I know they're fucking cold, but I laugh anyways because he's so fucking wild.
Routing around in my backpack until I find my bag, I pull it out and roll a few joints. Clouds overhead look dark, but I think they'll pass. It's too fucking nice out for it to rain.
I've smoked half my joint and made three shapes out of clouds by the time Bella lays next to me.
She's wearing dark jeans, a sweatshirt, and a coat.
"Our friends are fucking right now and we're here in sweatshirts?" I ask with a laugh.
"She's wearing leggings with a hole cut in the crotch," Bella explains.
"Can you imagine wanting to fuck so bad that you go to those extremes?"
"You can't?" she asks.
"Hell no. If I want to fuck someone, I don't need to do it on a lake in the middle of November, Bella."
"Oh."
She's quiet as I inhale and then I think it's rude, so I pass to her. She takes it from me easily.
"Party on Saturday in Port Angeles. We're supplying if you're still in to make a quick buck. They're going to be partying hard, so we have the option to make a shit ton, but you have to sell the right way."
"What's the right way?"
"I've only sold with Jasper, but once, when we were in Seattle, there was a female dealer and she raked it in because of her appeal."
Bella sits up and I follow suit. "So, like, dress sexy?"
"It's more than that. You have to be a confident bad bitch. Come with the attitude that you can have any guy at that party. Make them eat out of the palm of your hands, Bella."
"Is that what you do?" she asks.
"To the girls? Hell yeah. Girls like coke, though, and they fucking love snorting it off me."
She nods briefly. "Okay, I'll have Alice help me," she says, ignoring my comments. "What time should I be ready?"
"I'll text you."
Silence falls between us, but it's comfortable. The wind whips back and forth, blowing Bella's hair all around, so she puts her hood up.
A few minutes later, Jasper and Alice show up with blankets and smug smiles.
"Well?" Bella asks after a few moments of weird silence.
Alice and Jasper look to each other before breaking out into laughter. He throws his arm around her and pulls her in. It's weird watching your fucked up friend fall in love, but I've seen how Alice stabilizes him, and I'm glad.
"Ten out of ten wouldn't recommend," Jasper says.
"We almost sunk into the lake because of the weird thrusting angle. Good thing I brought extra clothes just in case."
"Oh my god," Bella says, slapping her hand to her forehead in disbelief.
"Did you at least finish, though?" I ask.
"Yeah," Jasper says with a smile. "In the shed."
"Oh, for fucks sake!" I say, shoving him with my shoulder.
~!~
A beautiful Thursday turns into an ugly Friday. Rain and sleet mix together in the afternoon while I look out the window during science.
Why is he so freaking boring today? Bella texts halfway into class.
Her text paints a smile onto my face.
I've dozed off like seven times at least. Might need your notes again.
The only thing I've taken notes on is how not to be a twelfth grade science teacher.
Agreed. He's really droning on today.
I think he needs to get laid.
Her text takes me by such surprise that I can't stop the laugh that bursts out of my mouth. Bella chuckles behind me.
"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, care to share what's so funny?" Mr. Banner asks.
"No, sir," we both say.
Mr. Banner turns his back and continues writing on the board.
You're right. He definitely needs to get his dick wet.
~!~
Friday night is torture. Jasper's mom comes home drunk and half naked. I ask him if he needs help, but he declines.
My dad's working all night, so I'm alone.
I busy myself by cleaning my room, then the kitchen, then the laundry room. I finish my research paper for science and start a project for English. I think about Bella's texts in science today and the way her blue eyes shone when I smirked at her at the end of class.
Maybe she's warming up to me little by little.
~!~
I sleep most of Saturday afternoon and wake up between lunch and dinner.
"Enjoy it while you can," my dad says. He thinks I want to be a doctor like him, but that'll never happen. Not because I don't have the grades. School comes easily to me. I just don't really want to deal with people's blood and bullshit.
I'll go to college for a year, try it out, and peace out if it's not for me.
"You should have woken me up," I tell him with a grunt.
"I tried," he says, standing and pushing in his chair. "You grunted and rolled over."
Yeah, sounds like me. My dad's dressed in work clothes, but today's his day off. "Are you working?" I question.
"I picked up a shift for another doctor who had some family issues. I should be back tomorrow around dinner."
"Twenty four hour shift? Fuck me," I say exasperatedly.
"Language," he reminds. "Be good, kiddo. Call me with anything, okay?"
I nod and see him out. Bella's tried calling once and texting like ten times. Shit.
What time tonight?
Are you sure we're still going?
I don't think I can do this.
Okay, three not ten.
I guess I need to call her anyways.
"Edward," she sighs into the phone.
"You can do it," I tell her, crunching over some cereal I pour for myself.
"No—"
"Bella, you're doing it."
"Shh," Bella whispers into the phone and I can hear another voice in the background.
"Let me speak to Alice."
"What? Why do you want to talk to Alice?" Bella asks, but I can hear the phone shuffling, curses, and laughter.
"Edward?" Alice says into the phone.
"Dress her up," I tell her, spooning more milk and cereal into my mouth.
"What's the vibe?"
I can picture Alice thumbing through her clothes, eyes squinted as she waits.
"Uhm, good girl turned drug dealer? I don't fucking know, Alice. Whatever will turn heads and sell us drugs."
"I've got the just the thing!"
"Make sure she's comfortable," I remind her.
"Duh."
"We'll be back late. What time are you and J staying out till?"
"I'm staying with him tonight."
That surprises me. Jasper must be serious because he's never brought a girl into his home. Ever.
"Oh. I thought she'd be staying with you."
"Nope. Pick her up here, though. I don't want her climbing down her window in what I'm going to put her in."
"I'll be over at eight," I tell her before hanging up.
I take my time getting ready. As much as Bella has to dress the part, so do I. Nondescript so I blend in, but good enough that girls want me and guys want to be so much that they'll buy my entire stash.
Tonight's either going to go really bad or really good.
In the shower, I give in to the urge I've suppressed and pushed down for way too long. The itch needs to be scratched.
I'm raging hard, and I know this won't take long at all.
My hand holds steel as I pump up and down slowly. The head leaks, crying for anything but my fist, but that's all this fucking monster will get. The pleasure is overturned by need and the satiation as I near the end. I've avoided thoughts of her this entire time until I squeeze my eyes and picture her in this very tub. Rosey pink nipples hardened as I walked in. Would she let me taste them if I asked her? Suddenly she's on her knees in front of my couch and my dick is down her throat. When she looks up at me, blue eyes watering from my length, it's fucking over. I come hard and strong against the shower floor, and grunt repeatedly to the image of Bella.
~!~
At eight, I'm knocking on Alice's door. At 8:03 she answers with a smirk. Alice is dressed in a dark red dress that's tight on her hips and her tits. She's a petite girl, definitely Jasper's type.
"Be good to her," Alice tells me seriously.
"It's not a date, Brandon," I scoff.
She stares me down. "Mhm."
Bella walks down the stairs and I'm literally stunned into stillness.
Her long brown hairs curls gently and bounces when she walks. She's got the longest fucking eyelashes I've ever seen, and soft pink lips covered in that glossy shit. Her black dress hits at her knees, covers her arms, and curves around her breasts that sit high on her chest. When she turns around, I notice the dip in the back and nearly need to bite my knuckle.
"I know, right?" Alice whispers. "Treat her good. Don't fucking hurt her or I swear to god, Cullen."
There's nothing I can say. I won't deny it anymore. For fucks sake, I think I need to sit down or put a pillow in front my lap or something.
"Where are the shoes?" Bella asks nervously.
"Oh, I forgot. They're upstairs in my bathroom."
As Bella leaves and Alice turns to put her shoes on, I breathe.
"You have a chance, you know," Alice says, bending to strap on a shoe
"Huh?"
"With Bella. You have a chance. Just don't fuck it up like you always do."
She's not messing around, and I can respect that. This is a conversation I wasn't expecting to have tonight, so I'm not prepared for it. The only thing I can do is scratch my head and nod. She's let me in, told me a secret, given me even the tiniest bit of hope.
There's a connection with Bella, and I'm not sure if it's guilt from what I did to her or true feelings, but every molecule of me wants to explore it.
Alice gives me the green light.
So I give her something in return.
"Jasper really fucking likes you," I tell her with a nod.
Her smiles shows me she knows.
"He's been through it, Alice," I remind her, knowing Jasper's divulged at least a little. This gets her attention and she stops to nod. "Remember that when he's being weird or off. Remember where he came from."
Bella comes down with shoes in her hand and a smile on her face.
"Ready?" I ask with raised brows.
She's so fucking short that I tower over her with every step I take. My palms itch to tell her she looks really fucking pretty, but I squeeze my fists together instead.
"No, but let's do it anyways."
Before I got here, I loaded up my backpack with product, and put some extra in my trunk. I'm over preparing, but I want to make as much tonight as possible. The last few days I've been hyping up the football team with deals, getting them excited so their desire is at an all-time high.
My fear is that they'll only see who I've brought and not what I've brought.
In my backpack is so much cocaine that if we got pulled over and searched, we'd be in jail forever. Luckily, I know how to fucking drive, and we're headed to a house with no neighbors for miles.
Originally, I thought tonight would be a heavy pill night, and that's what I told Bella, but so many people texted me over the last couple of days asking for powder, and I aim to deliver.
"You're going to be the bait," I tell Bella after I merge onto the highway.
"The bait?" she asks nervously.
"You're going to be the pretty girl who hooks them, tells them about the party favors in the spare room, you're going to be the salesman."
"Edward, I thought we were doing this together?"
"We are. We work as a team, but at the beginning, we need a flow of people coming to us. Work the house for an hour and that should do it. People will see others coming and going, and that'll be enough."
"What if something happens?"
"Call me." I'm dead serious, and she knows it.
Bella looks down at her clasped hands. "Okay," she responds quietly.
Fuck, now she's even more nervous.
"If you feel uncomfortable at any time, come back to the room and I'll give you my keys. You can chill in the car until I'm done. Cool?"
She glances at me with a smile. "Cool."
~!~
We arrive and within 20 minutes, the house is fucking bumping. I'm in a spare room the size of my downstairs. Someone could've just thrown the party in this fucking room that's how big it is.
I sit and wait for Bella to work her magic, and it doesn't take long.
Normally I sell a gram of cocaine for $75, tonight it's $175, and no one's batting an eye. By ten, I've upped it to $200. Bella checks back, glassy eyed and smiling, just after 10:30. So much for nerves.
"You shouldn't be drinking," I tell her, handing the dude in front of me his product.
"I had to loosen up. Besides, some girl was dancing with me, and we got drinks together."
"Who was it?"
I know some of the girls around here. I've fucked some of the girls around here. Not all of them are trouble, but most are.
"I can't remember."
Bella turns to me and smiles. "How much so far?"
"I don't count until Aro's cut is subtracted."
"When's that?"
"Probably not until tomorrow. Something tells me I'm going to be exhausted after tonight." My stare tells her to get back to work.
When I'm on the job, I don't fuck around. As much as I want to ensure she's safe, and keep her in this room, there aren't enough bodies to warrant her here. So she leaves.
By midnight, though, this room is packed. Girls pull their shirts up and boys do lines off their stomachs. Some girls are heavy petting on the bed, and Bella is talking to the one fucking dude I wanted her to avoid.
Alistair.
He's wearing a leather jacket, dark jeans, and he's leaning way too into Bella, but she doesn't push him away. His long blond hair falls in his face. Kurt Kobain looking asshole.
But he's not an asshole, that's the thing.
Alistair is a gentleman, and I want to punch him right in the balls when he says something to make Bella throw her head back and laugh. I'm so concentrated on them that I miss the three people in front of me who want to buy.
"Edward?" a voice asks, and when I look up, an actual smile plays on my lips.
"Hey, Char. What are you doing here?"
Charlotte used to be in my group therapy when I was younger. Her uncle tried to rape her and her mom didn't believe her. She's a year older than me, but nicer than anyone I've ever met. She's the only other girl, besides Bella, that I've had as a friend and never put my dick in. We stopped talking when she moved to Seattle with her dad when she was fifteen.
"A friend of mine from high school has a boyfriend who wanted to come here, so I agreed. I'm so happy to see you," she says, and when I stand to pull her in for a hug, she wraps her arms around my chest and squeezes.
It's homey and warm and my stomach flips at the smell of her blonde hair.
Charlotte has always been pretty, but I never wanted to ruin anything by going for it. Plus, we knew each other way too well to even think about hooking up. Last I heard, she had a boyfriend.
"Where's, uhm, shit, what's his name—"
"Alec? Gone. He cheated on me with some slut at college."
"Fuck, that sucks, Char."
She shrugs and sits next to me on the couch.
"So, still up to your ways?" she asks.
My smirk tells her hell yeah.
We catch up over the next hour, and between conversations and sales, I lose track of Bella.
"Fuck," I whisper, looking around the room. Nothing. I check my phone. Nothing.
"What's wrong?" Charlotte asks.
"I lost track of my friend," I tell her, standing and packing up. I need to replenish my stash anyways since I'm running low.
"I'm sure he'll be alright, Edward. Stay here."
"I have to look for her. I'll be back."
"What's she look like? I'll help," Charlotte offers.
"Your height. Long brown hair. Blue eyes. Black dress."
Charlotte takes a left where I turn right. Peering into bedrooms, I don't see her. She's not in the kitchen, dining room, or on the back patio.
I finally catch curly hair and a black dress in the living room, dancing with Alistair. Her back is to his front, and he's got hands on her hips, guiding her.
I can choose to leave her, let her enjoy her night. Or I can fuck it up and make a scene.
The idea of Alistair having her and not me makes my jaw hurt, the blood in my veins turn to slush, and the pain in my chest seize.
But I let it go.
Bella slips from my grasp easily because she deserves whatever happiness comes her way, and it isn't me. It was ridiculous to think it ever would be.
Bella catches sight of me and begins to break loose from Alistair, but I wave, nod my head, and walk out.
Please don't follow me, I chant to myself over and over.
"Edward?" Bella calls as she runs out the door. "Edward, wait up!"
"Go back inside, Bella," I tell her, reaching my car and popping the trunk. I pull the extra stash and put it in my backpack.
"No," she tells me defiantly. "Why?"
The laugh that comes out is sinister and uncalled for. I'm mad at myself, not at her.
"It's cold," I lie. I mean, it is fucking cold, but that's not why she should go back inside.
"So? Are you leaving?"
"Not yet."
"Who was that girl?" she asks.
"What girl?"
"The blonde. The girl you were talking to. You looked like you knew her or something."
"She's my… friend."
"Friend? I didn't think Edward Cullen had friends that were girls," she asks with a smile, trying to joke.
I walk past her up the black top driveway and back across the yard. We're on the side of the house when she reaches up to me and yanks on my wrist.
"Edward, what's going on?" she asks. "You're being all weird. Is it because—"
But I can't anymore.
I drop my backpack and take her arms, backing her against the brick of the house, and leaning down so that my lips are above hers.
There's a pause, and I give her a split second to tell me no before my lips are on hers and the sear of our kiss warms down into my toes.
My lips are hard against her frozen ones. Bella's in shock, but that's okay. I need her to know this.
I need her to know there's a choice.
My palm finds the side of her neck and presses gently as I deepen the kiss. My tongue enters her mouth and I give in to myself and to her and to every thought I've had the last few weeks.
When I pull back, Bella breathes in and pants. She doesn't look at me, but her fingers touch her lips as she gasps.
I reach down to grab my backpack before pulling her by the wrist.
"Go back inside before you catch a cold or something."
Bella follows me in as Charlotte greets me at the door.
"You found her!" she says with a smile.
Bella, still stunned from our liplock, looks from Charlotte to me and back to Charlotte.
Alistair comes up and greets me.
"Cullen. Long time no see, man," he says, shaking my hand.
"Hey, Al," I greet, smiling because I'm the one that just kissed Bella against the brick wall, not him.
"Want to come with me?" Alistair asks Bella. "There's this really cool view of the mountainside on the back deck."
It's dark out, so there's not much to see. He's taking her out there for a reason, and I don't wait for her response. Instead, I head back to the room and take care of the waiting customers.
"Bella sent me," most of them say with a crooked smile.
"You tappin' that?" a few ask on the side.
When I give them a look that says beat it, they get the wrong impression but I don't give a fuck.
"Are you?" Charlotte asks.
I sigh and relax into the couch. It's been a crazy fucking night. My bag is heavy with cash and not drugs anymore.
"No," I tell her honestly.
"But you want to?" she asks suspiciously.
Charlotte's always been old for her age, and she can see right through the bullshit. I both respect and like that about her.
"Kind of. It's complicated."
"It's always complicated with you, Edward. Glad to see somethings haven't changed. She seems kind, though."
I smile and nod. "She's way too fucking good for me," I tell her honestly.
Charlotte shakes her head and changes the subject.
We spend the next hour catching up and chatting. I let her know how Jasper's doing, and I clue her in that the Bella here tonight is the same Bella that I tormented for years. Charlotte doesn't have a lot to say about that, but she breathes a sigh of relief when I tell her I'm back in therapy and speaking with my dad again.
"I always did like him," she says with a wink.
Fucking gross.
"I should go find Bella," I tell Charlotte. I've had my phone on me all night, so I know she hasn't tried to call which means she's okay, but I still just need to see her.
"Don't be a stranger," Char says, taking my phone from my hand planting in her number.
"Will do, Char."
I hug her goodbye and grab my bag.
Bella's not in the living room, or outside on the deck, nor is she in the kitchen, den, or back patio. I'm pulling my phone from my pocket to call her when I spot her through a crack in the door leading to another room in the empty hallway.
She's perusing the shelves, looking through books, running her fingers along the piano keys, pinching her lips as she absently reads the spines of old books.
The room is quiet compared to the rest of the house, but you can both hear and feel the muted bass through the walls. When I open the door, she doesn't hear. Bella walks slowly along the perimeter and after I close the door, I follow blindly. Creamy pale legs lead her thoughtfully. Bella's fingernails are painted red, and her hair has fallen from curls into waves.
She comes to a stopping point as she stands to reach, fingering the edge of a book she can barely touch. I walk up behind her, grab the book her fingers itch for, and stand with my front to her back.
Bella jumps slightly, turns her neck to make sure it's me, and then settles back onto her feet.
"You scared me," she whispers, taking the book from my hand.
"Sorry." It's husky as I stare down at the top of her head.
She shimmies around so her back presses against the bookshelf and her front grazes mine.
"Where's Alistair?" I ask.
"He left. Where's your friend?" she gives back.
"She left."
I reach to touch the ends of her hair, looking down because I can't possibly look into her eyes right now. If I do, she'll end me. The swarms of bees in my stomach buzz around. The fly through my veins, down my legs, through chest, and out my arms.
Everything feels electric.
When my fingers glide up Bella's arm, so softly I'm not even sure I'm touching her, and land against her collar bone, she sucks in a breath.
And then I see it.
And then I see red.
"You said you'd call," I tell her, yanking the neck of the dress to the side to reveal a large bruise on her shoulder.
"It wasn't him," she says slowly. "I promise. I was moving furniture around in my room this morning after my dad left and the dresser fell on me."
Blood boils inside and the irrationality of this moment freaks me out. I'm ready to kill Charlie over any mark on Bella's body, and I'm afraid I actually might.
Bella lifts her hand up slowly and covers mine with hers as she pulls the neck of the dress back up.
"I said I'd call," she whispers, reminding me of her promise.
I drop the fabric from my fingers and scrub my hand over my face.
"Why were you moving furniture?"
Bella shrugs. "I swapped the bed and the dresser. The bed was right next to the door. Maybe this way if anyone does break in, I'll have a head start out my window."
I nod because fuck she's smart. "That's actually a good idea."
Her confident smile makes me smile. "I know."
We're back to silence and both looking at each other. My lips burn to kiss hers, but not here, not now. The next time I kiss Bella, it'll be when I can savor her flavor and keep her for hours. It'll be in my fucking bed where she can squirm and move and I can finally taste her tongue on mine.
"Ready?" I ask, turning to hide the semi in my pants.
"Ready."
