I'm always leaving Bella when things feel too fucking good.
Like when I almost shimmied her swimsuit to the side and fucked her in the hot tub. When I almost pressed her against the wall in the hotel and made her beg me to stick my dick inside her. When I almost told her how soft her lips are and how I want to feel them around me.
When I held her fucking hand until she fell asleep.
The fuck is wrong with me?
Bella's warm hand in mine felt more like home than my bed I'm currently laying in.
The pillows still smell like her, and if I close my eyes, I can almost feel the weight of her chest on mine.
I used to make fun of Jasper when he said he could just lay with Alice for hours and not talk, not fuck, not do anything… but now? Now I fucking get it and it scares me.
Even my therapist sees a difference.
"What's new, Edward?" she asked earlier.
I shrug my shoulder. I hate these fucking Zoom sessions. Sometimes she wants to see me on video, sometimes she doesn't.
"Same shit, different day." I'm sitting at my desk, arms crossed, guarded, looking at Bella's spot on the bed.
"No," Dr. Shelly starts, shaking her head. "No, something's different. I can see it in your shoulders."
It catches me by surprise. "What?" I ask, looking over towards the screen where my therapist sits, head cocked, analyzing me. I fucking hate it.
"You're lighter… emotionally."
She doesn't let it go, and as much as I want to ignore her, I started this back up for a reason, right? I want to be better, right?
So I tell her the truth. I tell her everything. She knew Bella Swan's back in my life, but now she knows my feelings for her go beyond friendship.
Dr. Shelly stays quiet for a few moments before asking, "how do you feel about that?"
My lips pinch together, and I glance down with a smirk.
"Well I guess that's all the response I need," she says with a slight laugh. "Edward, are you—"
"She's a virgin," I tell her bluntly knowing she's asking if I'm being as sexually deviant with Bella as I've been with the others. "All we've done is kiss."
"And how do you feel about that?"
My fingers scrub over the skin on my face and I sigh loudly. "Is it bad that I'm relieved?"
"Why are you relieved?" she ponders.
"Because no one else has touched her," I admit. Shame colors my face.
"Are you sure that's the only reason?" she asks. Dr. Shelly does a good job of not disgracing me for my humiliating thoughts. She has a background working with teenagers who come from traumatic childhoods, and I can tell.
"What else would it be?"
Dr. Shelly leans forward, brushing the blonde hair from her face, and looks right at me. "Edward, we talk a lot about the amount of sexual activity you engage in, your sexual preferences, your "deviance" as you call it. But what if Bella's virginity represents a clean slate for you? She's untouched, while you may enjoy that as part of the controlling nature that controls you, maybe you like it because it's like she's putting on the brakes. You like her enough to not want to hurt her, Edward. So, essentially, you're giving up your control for her."
The words float around me like planets in orbit as I try to make sense of them. "I'm letting her be in control?"
"Yes. And you've never done that for anyone else."
"So what are you saying?" I ask.
"I'd like to hear how you've interrupted it first, if you don't mind?"
I breathe a sigh and thing before speaking. "That she's the only person I've ever let control anything in my life. Control runs me, and I feel unbalanced without it. But I like Bella enough to let her lead… at least in this avenue."
"Good, Edward."
"You said not to move too fast, and I don't want to take ten steps backward. What if she wants to fuck, like, tomorrow?"
"Edward, I never said don't engage in sexual activity. I said refrain when possible, to teach yourself that you are in control of your sexual desires, not your impulses. Don't laugh when I say this, but think with the head on your shoulders if you catch my drift."
It's the first joke she's made in weeks, the first time she's shown she's anything but a psychiatrist, and I laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.
Before we end the call, I revisit my previous question.
"I can let her lead at whatever pace?"
"As long as you're both comfortable, Edward. Don't let her go too fast for you and vise versa. Work as a team to figure things out slowly. Communication is key in any relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial, etc."
Dr. Shelly is brilliant, and her releasing me into Bella's orbit makes my dick leak, but I've built up control, and I don't want to let my impulses take over.
But it doesn't stop me from laying here, in Bella's scent, imagining what she looks like when she comes. My hand still tingles from the warmth of her palm earlier.
The next day isn't so bad.
Bella smiles a lot, and she doesn't look so down today. Vickie still fucks with her, but I corner Lauren in the library and tell her if she doesn't get Vickie to back down, I'm going to tell everyone she went down on Vickie at the rez party over the summer.
Lauren looks like she's got the fear of God in her eyes. Her parents are really fucking religious, and I'm sure she'll be in deep fucking shit if they even catch a whiff of it.
By lunch, Bella's smile reaches her eyes, and fuck I want to grab her head and kiss her. My palms itch and my fingers tingle as Alice and Bella start talking about sex.
"How many times a day do you think you do it?" she asks her friend.
Alice shrugs and looks at Jasper. "Like, twice?"
"Who has the time?" Bella asks seriously and we all sort of bite back our laughs, but it doesn't work and now she thinks we're laughing at her.
"You make time," Alice says with a smile. "When you meet someone you can't keep your hands off, you'll do it at the playground, or the shed, or his car, or your garage, or at the dock, or in the school bathroom—"
"Jesus," Bella says, shaking her head. "No wonder you're never in math."
Alice giggles while Bella looks between her friend and Jasper.
I watch as these two girls share a bond similar to the one J and I share. They know each other in the same way we do. J and I sell drugs and see people get beat the fuck up. These girls paint each other's toenails and talk about their futures.
It's love nonetheless.
"Where's one place you want to have sex? You know, like, when you have sex," Alice asks, sipping her chocolate milk.
Bella shrugs shyly. Come on, Bella, say it I plead silently.
"Is it so wrong to want to do it, like, in a bed?" she asks quietly.
She's as pure as snow and it makes my skin buzz.
"No," I tell her honestly with a small smile. She looks at me and returns the smile, but then my eyes glint and my dick jumps. "There are plenty of things we could do in a bed, Bella."
Jasper laughs and Alice sort of squeals. I've never met anyone who wanted their friend to lose her virginity so fucking bad in my life.
Bella laughs too, but I think it's out of nerves. Still fucking cute though. I glance toward the clock. Twenty minutes left.
"Meet me in the empty lab room," I tell her, standing to dump both of our trays.
She shows up two minutes after I do.
Fifteen minutes left.
Shutting the door and turning the lock, I walk us to the back of the class, and help her up on a lab table. This is perfect. She spreads her legs and I walk between them. Her thin black leggings will make this easy, but I have to be quick.
I grab her hips and scoot her to the very edge so she rests more against me than she does the lab table.
Her half-lidded eyes make my dick jump in my pants, and I take a second to readjust. I'm so glad I wore these black sweats today. Pressing our bodies together, I kiss her neck and rejoice in her tiny little mewls. She holds back, but she has to. There's class to the left of us and these walls are so fucking thin I can hear Mr. Barnhart drone on about civics.
When my lips attach to her lips, I press my hips into her so hard that her fingers grip the neck of my shirt, and she mumbles my name between our lips.
Yes, Bella.
I press into her again and again as she moves her hips with mine. Her arousal permeates and my mouth fucking waters. There's an itch under my skin to snake my hand down between her legs and press against her, but she's in control and I need to remember that.
I pull back to watch her face contort. My hips push into hers once again and grind through the cotton of our clothes.
When I lean her back and rock against her, gasps fill the empty, room but I have no idea if they come from me or her. The way her back arches makes her breasts jut out and bounce as I rub our bodies together.
"You smell so good," I tell her, swallowing her scent and pooling saliva in my mouth.
"Edward," she pants.
"Yes," I beg.
Harder and harder I press against her. When my dick finds her clit, I rub in short, hard strokes to help her get off.
"Touch me, Edward," she begs softly. "Please."
Oh, fuck yes.
I snap her body up and against mine hard. My lips against hers muffle any sounds as my fingers dance down to the waistband of her leggings.
Just as I'm inside, where I can feel the heat of her arousal radiate, the bell rings.
Bella's breaths come in heavy pants like she just ran seventeen miles without stopping.
"Soon," I promise her, my voice full of frustration.
I set her on her feet and kiss her forehead. "Get to class," I tell her.
"Aren't you coming?" she asks, looking back at me as she walks to the door.
I point to tent in my pants and chuckle. "As soon as this goes down."
Her little giggle makes it worse, and I groan as she leaves.
I'm five minutes late for class and Mr. Banner eyes me as I sit down.
"Now that we're all here," he starts, watching me sit on the stool, "lets get started."
Victoria and Mike present first. Theirs is a power point and Mike's voice shakes with nerves. Vickie pops her gum and twirls fire red hair around her finger.
Alice and Ben go next. They drew their offspring. I can't tell if it's a boy or girl, but it's fucking creepy.
Bella and I go last. We hold up our poster decorated with glitter glue and girly handwriting. My picture gets a lot of attention. Yeah, I was a cute fucking kid that's for sure. We discuss the dominant and recessive traits and what our kid might look like based on that.
Mr. Banner's stone-cold face gives way to a small smile when we're done.
Presenting doesn't bug me, but I could tell Bella was nervous.
My little comment must have worked because Victoria didn't say a fucking word the entire time.
~!~
I drop Bella off at work and J and I meet Aro at our drop location.
I don't tell Aro I increased the price of the cocaine last weekend. His cut is small compared to mine and Bella's, but it's still more than he's seen in months.
"Boys," he says with a smile. "What a wonderfully, lucrative evening it must have been."
"Yeah," I tell him quickly. His smile freaks me the fuck out.
"I'm starting up a business," he says, hands behind his back. Aro's a short man, but the fucker can still be scary when he wants to be. "Jenks has agreed to join. I'd like to extend the invite to you as well."
"No," I answer for us. Jasper makes no move to disagree. We're not dumb.
"Hear me out—"
"No."
"You boys are my best sellers—"
"We are Dimitri's best sellers. We work for him. You work for him. What don't you get about that?" Aro used to freak me out, but lately I don't give a shit. He's being careless and clumsy and trying to fuck with Bella.
"Edward—" Jasper says in warning.
"Dimitri doesn't understand," Aro starts but shakes his head. "Ten grand sign on bonus." Aro perks up like he thought of that on the spot.
"The same ten you offered Charlie Swan?" I ask. "The same ten he's supposedly giving to his daughter?" I bring up Bella to gauge his reaction.
Aro smiles at the name. Sick fuck.
"Is that so? I didn't realize he'd be… giving it to her."
I shrug like I care. But I do, and that's the thing. I don't want him knowing that. Aro eyes me like he knows more than he's letting on, but I don't challenge anything.
Dim's going to catch a whiff of this, and we'll all be fucked.
~!~
I pick up Bella from work and drive her home. She hums gently in tune with the radio, and it's a white noise I never knew I could miss.
Long hair waves at the end from end-of-Fall rain. The roads slick with ice make turning a little challenging. So does the way Bella twists a lock of hair around her finger.
"Thoughts?" I ask, pulling up to her house.
She glances a smile. "None really. I mean, I always have thoughts. I always have a lot of thoughts, but none worth mentioning."
Ideas, and thoughts, and the worst scenarios ever play through my mind unwanted all the time too.
Leaning in to kiss her, my hand brushes the hair across her shoulders to the spot on her back, exposing the paleness of her neck. My lips turn to fire the second she breathes me in.
"If I don't stop, I'm going to finish what we started earlier," I explain.
"Good," she whispers.
The smirk that tugs at my lips feels so fucking good in my bones. She's refreshing and honest and real. "Bella, go up to your room before I make you take your panties off and give them to me," I tell her, leaning in so she can smell me.
She's too new to all this, and I can tell by the blush that spreads up from her toes.
She says goodbye, but her response to my statement doesn't come right away.
In fact, it doesn't come until eleven.
She sends a picture of her crumpled-up panties on the floor next to her bed.
Light pink cotton with a damp center.
Fuck.
~!~
The rest of the week moves slowly. School sucks. I can't get Bella to sneak away with me because of tests and projects and shit, and Alice takes her to work.
My dad and I eat at the diner, and conversation flows easily.
We talk about college, and Jasper, then Alice and her dad coming over for Thanksgiving.
"Why?" I ask, perturbed. In all the years they've lived her, Alice and her dad have never come over for any holidays.
"Because we're family."
"Not really," I tell him. "Like twice removed or some shit, right?"
He ignores my statement. "They're the closest we have and isn't it better than spending time alone? Alice wants to invite Isabella, and they're going to cook."
Okay, with the mention of Bella I'm on board, but they're cooking? "You're going to let two seventeen-year-old girls cook Thanksgiving dinner?"
It takes him a moment to answer as he thinks about the decision. "Yes."
"Okay, dad. Whatever you say."
"How's therapy?"
"Fine."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
~!~
At lunch the next day at school, Alice and Bella plan a shopping trip for Sunday to get everything for Thanksgiving dinner.
"You coming?" I ask Jasper while the girls talk.
He shrugs. Jasper's never been a big holiday guy. When you grow up with no family you don't really know what you're missing. "Maybe."
"Jasper, you have to come," Bella says. "There's going to be so much food and we'll all be there."
He shrugs still.
"Well if you're not going, I'm not going," she says easily, sitting back in her chair.
Jasper rolls his eyes but says nothing. If Jasper doesn't want to go, he won't go. He's not easily guilted into anything. Usually he's easy going, so something must be up.
The end of the month is rough for him. His mom spends all of the government assistance checks she's given the first of the month, and by the end, their fridge is usually bare and sometimes their electrics off. He's got money, though. We just got a bonus from Dim, so I don't know what the fuck it could be.
I shoot him a look, but he shakes his head.
Whatever.
Bella, Alice, and I work as a group for a Biology worksheet. Alice isn't as quick as we are, but she makes it fun.
I could see the appeal if she wasn't family.
Alice's confidence makes her desirable, but Bella's naïveté appeals more to me.
We're looking in a microscope at bacteria. It's long and thick and curves slightly up. I can hear the joke before she says it.
"Looks like Jasper's dick," Alice says with a laugh.
"Allie!" Bella smiles, slapping her friend's arm.
I shake my head and grab the microscope, cleaning off the slide and turning it in to Mr. Banner. Everyone always thinks its boys with the fucked up, dirty minds, but it's not. Girls are just as raunchy, nasty, and dirty as we are… they just come in a prettier package.
I try talking Bella into skipping last period so we can make out in the forest but it's sleeting and she's not about it.
"What about tonight? Come over and—"
"I'm sleeping at Allie's," she says at her locker, stuffing books inside her old backpack and zipping it up before the last class.
"Bella, you're literally killing me," I say softly, hanging my head.
"You're so dramatic," she sort of giggles, letting the hair fall into her face as she turns away.
My fingers lift to brush the hair away but don't because all these vultures watching.
"Call me later," I tell her, looking around at all these fucking idiots.
Vickie and Lauren line the wall with their harem as I brush past.
"You busy tonight?" Vickie asks, following behind.
"Very."
"Doing what?"
I'm so bored of this, so I stop, turn, and end it once and for all.
"Someone who knows not to drag their teeth on my cock, Vic."
Her mouth drops and her cheeks flame. Victoria embodies beauty and confidence, but not right now.
"You think that virgin can do it better?" Victoria asks, speaking louder than needed.
"What are you talking about?" Playing dumb doesn't suit me, but it's necessary right now.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Her eyes narrow and she walks closer, away from her friends. My feet step back the closer she gets until we're far enough away from her friends for my point to be made. "Listen to me, Edward. Fuck around with that cow, that's fine, but don't you dare come crawling back to me when she sits on you and—"
"You listen to me, Victoria. And listen good because I'm not fucking repeating myself." I stop to tangle a strand of scratchy, red hair around my finger. It doesn't shine. It doesn't move. It doesn't look a thing like Bella's. "If you so much as breathe in her direction again, I'll show your brother the video I took of you fucking his girlfriend with your dildo."
"You said you—"
"I lied."
Victoria's eyes grow hot with fire and if she could I bet she'd spit flames right at me. Her face turns cherry red and her chest heaves with anger, humiliation, fear. I don't have the video anymore, I lied, but Victoria doesn't know that. All she needs to know is I'm as fucked up as she is and to leave me the fuck alone.
"I hate you," she whispers, dull eyes filling with wetness. "I hate you."
"Join the club," I tell her, turning my back and walking away.
She pisses me the fuck off. Victoria and I used to be cut from the same cloth. We used to understand each other, get off with each other, laugh about fucking nothing, but now she's changed… or maybe she's the same and I've changed.
The thought shoots pins and needles through me.
I've changed.
Bella pops into my head immediately. I want to see her. I need to stare at her. Closing my eyes, soft blue waves stare back at me, and shiny brown glints in the sun on the few sunny days we have here, and dark blue painted nails wrap around the mechanical pencil she uses to write, and creamy skin covers the prettiest body.
All the time I've wasted wallowing in misery and not noticing her makes my cheeks burn.
Her smile on the playground and the pink of her skin as she takes shots from the bottle and—
"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Birdy calls, pulling me from the best fucking daydream I've ever had.
"Yeah?"
"Nap time is for senior citizens, not for seniors in high school."
"So is that why you do it fourth period?"
I regret saying it immediately. I'm lost between who I was and who I want to be.
"Office," He tells me, holding out a pink slip.
Shit.
~!~
It's eight and Bella still hasn't called.
Fucking Alice.
The principal called my dad who reamed me out when I got home.
"It's like you don't think before you speak," he lectures, and I nod. It's definitely true.
"I didn't," I agree.
"What?" he asks confused.
"I didn't think, you're right. I knew as soon as I said it that it was a shitty mistake." I take bites of the sandwich in front of me as my dad stops pacing the length of the kitchen.
"Edward," he starts and the urge to roll my eyes takes over, but I refrain. "That's… progress."
I give him a what are you talking about look and he shakes his head, walking closer.
"You have never been remorseful for your actions, Edward. Not once. At least verbally. You are… you're maturing."
A scoff forms at the back of my throat and this time I do roll my eyes.
"Why is it so hard to accept a compliment?" he asks me seriously, but I don't have an answer for him. "I'm proud of you, Edward," he tells me softly, gripping my shoulder with a smile.
It feels weird and my stomach starts to turn. A pressure lifts from my heart, but something in my chest swells. My insides feel funny.
"Uhm, thanks," I say back softly as he backs away, pulling a beer from the fridge.
He's off tonight, but I know he's working a double tomorrow night.
I spend the rest of my night flipping through channels in my room, smoking a joint on the balcony, and playing COD with Jasper on the Play Station.
I can hear in my headset the quick inhale, the nothingness, then the slow exhale.
"Getting fucked up?" I ask with a laugh, knowing I'm doing the same.
"I figure since I'm not getting fucked, I'll get fucked up," he jokes.
"I know, this is bullshit."
"You tap that yet?" he asks nonchalantly, pressing buttons quickly on the controller. J and I have no issues about sharing the dirty details of our hookups, so I'm not surprised by his question. What I am surprised by, though, is my defensiveness in not wanting to spill everything.
So I don't.
"Nah."
"Yeah, Allie told me she was virgin. I'm not surprised, but shit dude. The fuck are you gonna do with a virgin?" he asks honestly.
"Nothing," I tell him.
"What exactly have you guys done?"
His character reloads his gun and crawls in the bushes as I think about what to say next. Maybe I should be more open about this. I don't really have anyone else to talk to.
"Like, nothing."
Jasper's silent for a few moments before chuckling.
"You've got it bad," he laughs.
"What?"
"You like her, man. I can tell. Edward Cullen doesn't just go cold turkey for no one. I can't remember the last time you went this long without pussy. Shit."
Jasper knows about my therapy, but he doesn't know that I'm trying to decrease my hypersexuality. Or maybe he does. Fuck, I don't know.
I don't really respond or acknowledge, and he doesn't push. We play the game until Jasper all but passes out.
Around midnight, as I'm climbing into bed lighter than I've been in a while, higher than I've been in a while, Bella calls.
"Princess," I whisper with a smile.
"Hey," she says easily.
"Where's your friend?"
"She fell asleep a little bit ago."
"How's your night?"
Her sigh comes out softly and then she yawns.
"It was really nice. I've missed Alice."
"I know you have," I tell her, burrowing down in the covers and closing my eyes. "Can you stay with me tomorrow night, Bella?"
She's quiet for a minute, breathing evenly, before she asks, "why?"
"I can't smell you on my pillowcase anymore."
"Are you high, Edward?" she asks with a laugh.
"And because I want to make you come."
Silence.
"You're definitely high." She tries to joke, but it comes out breathily.
"What does a Princess wear to a sleepover?"
"A sweatshirt and shorts."
"Pretty hot," I laugh.
"Your sweatshirt."
"Definitely hot."
Her voices turns hoarse as she whispers into the early morning, and just after one, I let her go.
I'm sure she's asleep in seconds, but it takes me a little longer.
When I finally do, it's ocean blue and a soft pallor that greets me in my sleep.
~!~
This party sucks.
There aren't as many people, I don't really know anyone, and Seth, the kid we're auditioning for sales, is way too fucking nervous.
No one's buying so no one's really partying.
"He needs help," I tell Jasper who passes the joint to Alice.
"Fine," he sighs, getting up from the loveseat and walking the short distance over to wear Seth is dealing. Jasper shows him around, shakes hands with a few regulars, and shows him the ropes. Away from Jake, Seth bleeds nervousness. The aroma around him stinks. The rez is his safety net, and now he's free falling. Don't even get me started on my irritation that we're even entertaining the idea of Seth. It pisses me right off.
An hour later, the party picks up. Bella and Alice dance together in the middle of the living room after taking their third shot of the night. Alice, dressed in leather pants and red top, presses her tiny frame against Bella's chest and the two dance to the beat.
"Should we be worried?" I ask Jasper from the stool in the kitchen. I'm two tokes away from pulling Bella into a spare room.
It's pretty loud and dark, the strobe light shines on them every few moments, and each time they're closer and closer.
"I'd watch the fuck out of that," Jasper answers honestly.
"Yeah because one of them isn't your cousin." Honestly, I would too. But only Bella. That shit would be way too fucking hot to miss.
"You're right about that."
During the next song, Jasper cuts in and Bella walks off to find me, but she can't because the lack of light. Her dark jeans hug the curve of her hips, and the black top she's wearing cuts deep, exposing the bounce of her breasts.
I stand on my own accord and walk her to the back of the room. Bodies move against us, but I only see her. She's three-shots-of-vodka loose and the smile on her lips tempts me into doing things I know she's not ready for.
Shit, I'm probably not ready for them either.
My fingers find her hips and we sway to the music before I turn her, pressing her back to my chest and letting her feel the arousal in my jeans. She works her ass into me and circles slowly to the music. I never got off on dry humping, but, damn, tonight might be a first.
My hands glide from his hips to her waist before I squeeze and thrust against her from behind.
Maybe I hear a little moan, but it's so fucking loud in here I can't be sure.
One hand stays on her hip while the over trails up the middle of her stomach, between her breasts until I can grip her throat.
My thumb and fingers press against the sides and she gives into me. The weight of her head falls onto my chest, and she stares up at me from right below. In this moment, I'm so glad she's short. Blue eyes beg for more, but I can't. Not right here.
When I make her come, I'm going to hear it.
But what's the harm in playing?
I press harder, barely anything, against her neck and her lips part.
"Why do I like that?" she asks over the music. I have to read her lips, but I'm certain that's what she said.
I turn us and push Bella so her backs against the wall and my height hides her from anyone's view.
Leaning down, I whisper against her ear, "because you're just as fucking deviant as I am, Princess."
I attack her neck. My lips find her pulse and pull it into my mouth. The delicate skin of her neck bruises easily. My teeth nip around it, and when my fingers grip her breasts above her shirt, she arches into my palm.
She's so responsive.
My lips find hers in a powerful kiss. Our tongues slide against each other in ways that finally feel familiar. I know she likes when I curl my tongue softly as I end the kiss, and she knows I love when she grips the hair at the base of my neck.
She pulls back and tugs the neck of my shirt away from my collarbone as I pop the button of her jeans.
Her lips kiss down my jaw to my neck as I pull her zipper down slowly.
She scratches her teeth against my shoulder as I slip my hands inside her jeans.
Her mouth attaches to my neck, in the same spot mine did to hers just moments ago, as I trace the line between her lips through her underwear.
Each swipe my finger makes across her clit, she sucks my neck into her mouth harder.
She's going to leave a nasty fucking bruise, but I don't stop her.
In fact, I press harder. Just as I pull my hand back and trace the waistband of her underwear, a tap on my shoulder interrupts us.
As I turn to lay into whoever dares spoil this, Alice greets me with a smile.
"Ready?" she asks like she already knows the answer.
"Fuck. Yes."
Bella buttons up and I rub the spot on my neck that her lips just detached from as we walk briskly to the car.
Snow settles around us quietly.
The ride takes longer due to the roads.
I'm so annoyed.
Bella sits in back with me, and I can't keep my hands off of her. We're seat belted in, but my tongue's in her mouth and her fingers are on my wrist as I grip the thickness of her thighs.
"Get a room," J calls from the front as we pull into my driveway.
"Later," I call, hopping out and unlocking the door.
Bella takes longer, saying goodbye to her friends, and walking carefully up the steps to the porch.
Inside, we slip our shoes off, and I grab two bottles of water before grabbing her hand and all but pulling her to my room.
Fuck the pretenses.
I'm pulling her shirt above her body before I pull back.
"Is this okay?" I pant, staring down. She's wearing black lace and her chest rises and falls quickly in anticipation.
She nods.
"But you too," she answers, lifting the hem of my shirt up and over my head.
We lay on the bed, on our sides, and explore each other. My fingers grip the soft skin of her bicep and hers trace the dark ink tattooed into my skin. Her paleness against the opaque ink looks devastatingly different, and when I look down to her breasts bouncing as she reaches behind her, I can't stop the moan in my throat.
Bella pulls off her bra and her tits bounce free.
I can't tear my eyes away, and I'm so glad I didn't turn the lamp off.
Her rosey nipples cut against my chest as I pull her small frame into my larger one. The sweet smell of flowers surrounds us as Bella's hair splays against my pillows. She's velvet under my fingers and purring like a cat. Pulling away, I push Bella onto her back. Her perky, full tits bounce gently with the movement, and I bend to capture one between my lips.
Her moan goes straight to my dick.
My hand palms her other tit and tugs gently at her nipple at the same time my teeth graze the one in my mouth.
"Edward," she gasps, sucking in as much air as she can before arching her back into my mouth.
When I've had my fill of her tits, I sit back on my knees and watch her writhe.
Air pumps in and out of her lungs, and the dark purple hickey that I painted on her neck gleams at me. I marked the fuck out of her. The primal need to do it again takes over, but I swallow it down. I can't do too much at once. I need to calm the fuck down.
My fingers find her button, then her zipper, and her jeans are on my floor.
Black cotton conceals what I want to see so badly.
The second my fingers grip the sides, she stops me.
I'm frozen in fear that I'm moving too fast, pushing her in some way. But when our eyes meet, regret isn't what I find. Lust is.
"You too," she says. "Remember?"
Bella stares at my jeans. She wants us to match. Her shirts off, my shirts off. Her jeans off, my jeans off.
With this logic, I'm scared to pull her panties down.
"Okay," I whisper, unbuttoning and throwing my jeans on the floor with hers.
The erection in my boxers points forward and it's a little embarrassing if I'm honest.
Bella's eyes stare down and when she licks her lips, I can't help but press against myself for pressure.
"Can I take these off?" I ask her softly.
She nods gently.
"I'm going to leave my boxers on for now, okay Bella?"
"For now?" she asks nervously.
"Until you're ready."
She nods in understanding. Thank god she's smart and catches on quickly.
Bella's knees part slightly, and her arousal smashes into me.
Second base. Shit, what was that again? Can I taste her? No I think it's only touching. Fuck. But I can look, right?
I'm definitely fucking looking.
Her feet are spread hip width apart, but her knees close in, blocking my view.
"Open for me."
My hands grip her knees and rejoice as she eases them apart.
Her apex is smooth, like really fucking smooth. Not a hair on her. She's soft and plump and no inner lips stick out like Vic's or Lauren's or Jessica's. There's nothing wrong with that shit, it's what I'm used to. But seeing and knowing that Bella's different just hits differently. Of course she's not like the rest. Why would she be?
She's hidden inside like the best kept secret.
As she moves her feet farther apart, her lips open, and her pinkest-red inside glistens. Her clit cries for attention. Her tiny opening begs to be filled. I have to physically swallow the urge to tear my boxers down and fill her swiftly.
The only thought rushing through me is knowing I'm going to fucking destroy this.
I lean down onto my side, my head supports by my hand, and capture her mouth in a kiss at the moment my fingers dance down her mound and part her swollen lips.
My fingers find her soaked and slip easily against her arousal. It coats my finger as I brush up and down her slit from her opening to her clit and back down. She's an ocean of excitement.
She mewls into me with every swipe of my finger. Each breath spurs me on.
My fingers press harder, getting to know what she likes and doesn't like. Getting to know what earns a response and what doesn't. Getting to know her gasps and her quakes and what causes her to bite my bottom lip.
"Right there," she gasps softly, breaking our kiss.
I pull back and watch her face as my index finger circles her clit slowly. The rigid bump presses into the pad of my finger as I swipe and circle.
"Right here?" I ask, taunting, teasing. Watching her face contort as her hips jerk into my palm as I swipe against her will be stuck to the back of my eyelids forever.
She stares back up with gasp and bites her lips closed.
"No," I tell her sternly, pulling my finger away from her. "I want to hear you when I make you come."
Pressing against her after she nods, I touch her clit again and press harder, pulling every moan and grunt and shake I can from her. The harder I press, the faster her hips move in tune with my movements. She gushes against my fingers, and I wouldn't be surprised to learn there's a wet spot on my sheets right under her.
"Edward," she pants, back arched, neck exposed, mouth open. "Edward, I'm so close."
Her blue eyes peek up at me, and they're almost as wet as her pussy.
"I want to watch you fall apart," I whisper.
"Keep talking," she pants.
"Has anyone ever made you feel this good?" I ask.
"Never."
"Has anyone brought you this close before?"
"No, Edward," she whines, her hips circle faster, her cries growing louder.
My finger circles harder, pulling back on her mound to expose her sensitive clit.
"Come for me, Princess," I tell her roughly, speeding up my movements.
I'm about to blow my fucking load any minute and she hasn't even gotten off yet.
Bella gasps loudly, her nipples harden, and her pussy drenches my fingers.
Her clit pulses and constricts against my finger as she comes undone. Her entire being stiffens as I bring her to the edge.
It's my name she moans as she explodes. It's my fingers that push her over. It's my dick she brushes as she comes to.
"Oh my god," she mewls. Hot air spreads against my face as she catches her breath.
I can practically see the pulse in her neck. My fingers pet her through it. Gentle presses, long swipes, circles around her opening help her breathe through the crash.
When she's had enough, Bella pushes my hand away. And, even though I don't want to stop, I don't want to scare her the first time either.
She lays back and practically vibrates with relaxation and release. A feeling I know all too fucking well.
While she comes back to reality, I run my fingers over the skin of her shoulders, her arms, the pads of her fingers, down past her arousal soaked inner thighs to the swell of her knees.
"Edward," she breathes.
"Hm?"
She turns to her side and smiles.
"Thank you."
She captures my lips in a chaste kiss while reaching for the waistband of my boxers.
My fingers circle her small wrist, halting her movements. "Don't feel pressured," I tell her simply, honestly. As much as I don't want to, it won't be hard to get away and jerk off when she passes out.
"I'm not."
Relief sort of consumes me, but I need to be sure she's not reciprocating out of guilt.
"I'm serious, Bella. You don't have to. I'm good."
She looks from me to my boxers and back up.
"Edward, I want to." Her voice weakens. "Please?"
I don't know what I wanted her to say. Half of me is relieved that I get to get off, and the other half is fucking scared beyond belief. But her begging? I have to shake the thoughts away. I'm way too ahead of myself.
"Okay, Bella," I tell her softly with a smile.
She's sitting up now, leaning over me as I turn onto my back. Her fingers grip the waistband of my boxers and lower. My dick pops out and hits me in the stomach. Fuck, she's seeing it.
I'm confident in my cock, trust me. But her seeing it? Shit, I don't know. I'm all fucking jittery.
My eyes flit to hers and she drinks me in. Her tongue pokes out of her mouth and licks her plump lips as she sizes me up.
Her fingers cup my balls gently, rolling them around, exploring, and I let her.
When her hand picks up the head and grips, I about die. From the pleasure and the pain. Its dry as hell.
Reaching over to my nightstand, I grab some lube and drip some onto my shaft to help. She smiles a "thanks" and gets back to work.
Her fist looks tiny gripping my shaft. Her fingers don't touch as she wraps them around.
Finally, after some painful first squeezes, she pumps up and down. When she circles the head, I almost pass out.
"Fuck," I grunt, curling my toes. I'm closer than I think, but I hold out as long as possible. I don't want to seem like a minute man.
She speeds up her movements and grips tighter. Bella must have done some research because god fucking damn is this shit good. Who knew a handy could get me off?
"Do you like it?" she asks quietly, almost unsure of herself.
"Yes," I hiss. Her innocence is the sexiest thing in this moment, and I'm about to come just from the thrill in her eyes. "Fuck Bella, don't stop."
On my back, my eyes glue to her shiny blue nails as she encircles my cock and slides her palm up and down.
"Oh, fuuuuuck," I grunt loudly, my thigh muscles stiffening as I try to hold off, but then she reaches down with her left hand and cups my balls, tugging gently.
My hips fly off the bed as my dick swells in her small hand. Jizz shoots in every direction imaginable.
She doesn't stop until my balls are empty and I see Jesus.
Her hand slows but never stops and while I'm sensitive as hell, I don't interrupt her. She's exploring and I fucking love it.
"Where did you learn that shit?" I ask through breaths.
She giggles and glances up at me. "Alice."
"Fuuuuck."
After a few moments, my dick deflates slowly, and she stands to wash up. My come coats both her hands and my chest. She comes back with a warm washcloth and cleans us both up.
Neither of us are clothed, but we cuddle up under the blankets. She puts her back to my chest and I pull her in.
My lips find her hair and her temple and her cheek.
My fingers find her waist and her elbow and her lovely fucking fingers.
Her grip loosely discovers my fingers, and she hums gently into my pillows before the soft sound of her snores surround me.
"You're beautiful," I whisper into her ear, holding her hand.
~!~
In the middle of the night, Bella rolls onto her back and moans softly in her sleep. My dicks been hard since I woke up a few minutes ago, especially when the blanket pulls down and her nipples stare back.
In the darkness of the room with the smallest stream of light from the moon, I can barely see her creamy skin next to me. Her legs move restlessly and the tiniest little moans from her sleep play with me.
My fingers find her wet and ready.
She wakes up halfway through.
Her moans grow louder the harder I press.
She gasps so loud it hurts when I press one finger into her. Tiny fingers grip the sheet next to us. The other presses against my headboard to help grind down onto my finger.
Her walls drench with her juices and clench when I pump in and out.
Long fingernails scrape against my scalp as I enter a second. Rough ridges compress onto my fingers as I stroke her inside. She's so fucking tight, and my only thought is there's no way my dicks going to fit in here.
"Edward!"
I place my thumb against her clit and pump my fingers faster. My forearm does the work, but with each pump I can feel her hardened nub graze the pad of my thumb. Her insides clench and suck me in. Bella's lower back lifts, pressing her breasts high in the air. She pulls the sheet from the mattress with the force of her impending orgasm.
When she crumbles this time, I lean down and take her nipple between my teeth.
"Oh my god," she moans. "Edward, I'm coming."
"I know," I tell her, lifting to watch her face contort. "You should see yourself."
"Don't stop."
I lean down and press my words into her ear. "I can't wait to feel you stretch around my cock."
Bella grips my forearm and her tight walls flutter against my fingers. She squeezes me so hard it makes it difficult to keep up my quick movements.
"Oh shit," she breathes heavily. Her breath pours over my face.
I don't take my fingers out.
~!~
"Alice wants to know if we want to meet at the diner for breakfast?"
"Breakfast? It's almost lunch," I tell her, stretching my arms overhead and glancing at the clock.
"She actually used the word brunch, but I'm not that pretentious."
I turn onto my back and yawn loudly. "I can think of better things to bide our time, Bella."
She smacks my arms and struggles to stand.
"We fooled around, like, all night."
I look to her and smirk. "Your point?"
My dick thickens as she blushes. She fucking likes it, too. I can't even remember how many times I made her—
"I need food. Like carbs. I feel like I just finished a triathlon or something."
I pull the sheet from my body and sigh. "Fine," I groan, standing taller than she is. Bella traces the tattoos on my inner bicep, and I place my lips to her forehead.
~!~
Alice greets Bella cheerfully and Jasper claps me on the back.
"Finally did it, huh?" he asks as we walk behind the girls to a table in the back.
"Nah," I tell him honestly.
He looks surprised, but I'm not going to throw Bella under the bus like that. Jasper wouldn't tease her, I know that, but what happened in my room stays between me and Bella.
"He did what?" Alice gasps, looking over at me.
What happened in my room stays between me, Bella, and Alice, apparently.
"Dim needs us in Seattle by eight."
"Tonight?" I ask, pissed.
"Yeah."
"Dude, come on. For real?"
He doesn't look happy about it either.
"Fuck," I groan, slouching down until my legs spread under the table and my knees touch hers.
She's hidden behind a menu whispering to her bestie about all of the perverted things I did to her last night.
"So I guess I'm the only one who doesn't get the know?" Jasper half jokes, staring over at me.
Bella shyly puts her menu down and orders a strawberry milk with a straw and chocolate chip waffles with butter on the side.
She's fucking quirky as hell, and I love it.
Love.
What.
The.
Fuck.
"Watch out," I tell Jasper, sitting up and pushing him out of the booth. "I gotta piss."
Alice tsks at my potty mouth but everyone else ignores it.
In the bathroom, fidgety and standing still for no more than 2 seconds, I think about what just went through my mind.
I love her quirkiness.
That's all.
Just because I love—strongly like—her attributes, doesn't mean I'm in love with her.
That's right.
I'm not in love with her.
I mean, how can I be? Two months ago, she was no one to me.
Three months ago, I'd say "Bella who?"
Last year, I fucking hated her guts.
But right now, today, in this moment, Bella's captured me and changed me and for the first time in weeks, I'm fucking scared.
~!~
After lunch, I make up some excuse to drop Bella off at home. No one's in driveway. No one's fucked with her lock.
Everything should be good.
"I'll, uh, talk to you later?" she questions.
Glancing over at her in the passenger seat, Bella looks worried.
But she shouldn't be.
Last night was… the most intensely satisfying experience of my life. More so than when I lost my virginity to Lauren in her pool while her dad was grilling hamburgers. More so than when I first fucked Victoria on her couch. More so than when I got my first tattoo, or my last tattoo, or literally any tattoo at all.
"Yeah," I tell her, but it sounds weird even in my ears.
I should tell her I'm going through it right now. That her blush makes my throat burn. That Dim in Seattle has me freaked. That her smile makes my toes curl. That her dad's a fucking snake. That I feel more like myself when I'm with her than when I'm not.
She leans over and kisses me so gently it almost takes my breath away.
Bella's delicate and dainty and so soft it hurts sometimes.
I'm hardened and rough and so mean it should be illegal.
But together, she softens my edges, and I harden her curves.
She pops out of the car and up her steps to the safety of her empty house.
I'll never forget the look of surprise on Charlie's face as I delivered blow after blow to his head, neck, ribs, and back. Jasper gripped my shoulder in warning.
"That's good, dude," he says to calm me.
I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't worry.
Images of Bella's torn up face and bruised up body over the last few weeks spurred me on.
The taste of blood from biting my tongue coats my cheeks.
"You ready now?" I ask Jasper, calling him on my phone from the spot outside Bella's house.
"Now? Dude we got a while."
"The fuck else you doing?"
He sighs. I know he wanted to spend time with Alice, but didn't she say they were going food shopping today?
"Fine."
~!~
On the way, Jasper doesn't really speak. He types out messages on his phone, he looks out the window, he turns up the music.
"What's up with you?" I ask when we're an hour outside the city.
He turns to me and shrugs. "Edward, this isn't my end game."
What's he talking about?
"Uhm, okay?" I say in confusion.
"Don't get it twisted. I fucking love money, but I'm not selling forever if you catch my drift. I'm out soon, dude."
I nod slowly in understanding. Saliva thickens in my mouth. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but relief wasn't it.
And that's all I feel.
And it lightens me.
And I'm smiling.
"What's your plan?"
He gives me a shoulder raise. "I've got about four semesters of college tuition saved. I'm thinking community college and then… and then I don't know but it ain't here, dude. When I leave, I'm never coming back."
"Good," I tell him with a nod. Jasper deserves all the good things to happen to him. Lately, it's just Alice, but that's enough for now. He never talked about a future until her.
I should probably thank her or some shit.
"What are you doing next year?" he asks me, pulling out a joint and lighting up.
The acceptance letter to the University of Washington flashes violently behind my eyes. It's honestly the only place I applied, and I got in.
I lie, though. "I don't know."
"Figure it out," he says in warning. "You know Dim's gonna trip and stick his talons in you."
I nod in understanding. Dimitri doesn't want to lose his two best sellers.
"Don't let him fuck up your life, Edward."
I nod again. I used to want to be Dim. Yesterday I wanted to be him. I mean, shit, today I want to be him but differently. I want an operation I control. I want employees and laws and consequences to follow. I want a routine and an operating system.
But I want it to be legal.
The argument Bella and I had the other day plays through my mind like a movie.
Even just a few days ago I was naïve to the thoughts of who I want to be.
I want money and power. I want the same shit I have now. But I want a future.
And that's what's changed.
As if some premonition, images of me getting cuffed and hauled away shoot through me. My dad's face reeks of disappointment. Jasper's face looks calm. Bella's face paints with grief.
~!~
"Boys!" Dim greets happily as we walk towards the porch. It's a gigantic mansion up a twisty road with no one in sight for miles. This is the kind of house you get lost in.
Like literally.
You go missing.
"So glad you could make it on such short notice." Dim throws his arm around my shoulders and ushers us inside. "I took the liberty of inviting your preferred girl, Edward. You can thank me later," Dim whispers in my ear and winks.
My stomach drops and when I look to Jasper, he shakes his head.
Fucking hell.
The thin brunette saddles up to me and kisses my cheek.
"Hi, again," she smiles. She's sober and boney and smells like cat piss. Now that I've been with Bella, I can't even believe I pretended she was Bella for even a second.
"Hey," I say kindly knowing she'll report back to Dimitri.
We sit around the sectional that still has the tags on it. The living room displays large art pieces and huge paintings. Laurent and Aro sit quietly talking about who knows what. Are they consorting or is Laurent tired of him, too?
"Dinner's ready," someone in a black suit says.
"Dimitri, I didn't realize this was a formal affair," I say, apologizing for our attire. Although no one else is really dressed up either. This tells me it was sprung on everyone.
"Nonsense. Just a little dinner to discuss business, that's all."
We eat discussing pleasantries for the main course. Aro and Dim talk like he didn't just threaten Aro's life a few weeks ago.
Aro acts like Dim never fucked him up. And maybe Dim didn't. If that's true, though, nothing makes sense.
Why would Dimitri send me to beat the shit out of Charles Swan if he wasn't going to do the same to Aro?
As dinner is cleared, Dimitri walks to the buffet table lining the wall and lifts a silver platter, placing it in front of Laurent. He's the first to eagerly roll his bill and snort a line. Everyone follows suit but me and Jasper.
"School tomorrow," I tell Dim, passing it to the brunette next to me. "Huge tests I can't miss."
"Right," Dim says in boredom, watching the others partake. He never does, though.
"Dimitri, this shit's clean," Aro says happily, sniffing and rubbing his nose.
Dimitri sits back and crosses one leg over the other.
"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Dimitri starts, and my stomach drops. Oh shit. "You see, that's the difference between us, Aro. I distribute pristine product, and you kill people with yours." Here we fucking go.
"Dimitri—"
"Aro, we talked about this not even four weeks ago," Dimitri says calmly, standing and walking slowly.
Laurent distances himself from Aro by pushing his chair very slowly away. No one knows what the fucks about to happen, but we know it isn't good. I'm not going to lie and say it isn't scary as hell that Dimitri can go from dinner time pleasantries to walking like an executioner within minutes.
"And yet, here you are, starting an army of your own, in my area, while still under contract with me, Aro."
Dimitri's half way around the table, hands still in his pockets, and Aro's shitting bricks. This was Dimitri's plan all along. Make Aro feel secure, safe, protected throughout dinner. I'm almost positive I see bullets of sweat bead down Aro's thick neck.
Dimitri stops at the buffet again and opens a drawer.
"I gave you another warning seven days ago, Aro, remember? Your son came to visit and I broke his arm? I thought maybe it would click then. I thought maybe you love your family, but I guess I was wrong." Dimitri clicks metal against metal. It's loudest sound we've heard in minutes other than his expensive leather shoes tapping against the hardwood floors. "He cried in front of you, begging for help, and you wouldn't look at him. It was then that I realized you don't give a shit about anything but you. I respect that. I'm the same way. But no one takes from me, Aro."
Dimitri reaches Aro now, and turns his chair quickly to face him.
The glow of steel shines as Dimitri cocks it and presses the nozzle against Aro's throat.
"You will get no more warnings," Dimitri says calmly, trailing the gun from is throat to his chest to his knee and pulls the trigger.
Aro jumps and grunts and squeezes the wooden chair beneath his fingers. He does what he can to stay still. Aro knows a scene will make it worse. Blood sprays against the expensive material of Dimitri's suit. Spatter coats the top of the table.
The girls in the room jump from reflex alone. These girls aren't surprised, and I wonder how often they've seen this.
"I will no longer clean up your mess. Edward and Jasper will no longer work under an incompetent boss. Laurent will no longer accept late payments. Boys, if Aro so much as breathes wrong, you are to report to me immediately, understood?"
The three of us nod even though I don't think Dim was talking to Laurent.
"How is Mr. Swan?" Dim asks, finding a rag to wipe the residue from his gun. "Was the message delivered, Edward?"
"Yes," I say confidently.
"Good."
"Aro, what do you think?" Dimitri asks a very pained Aro. His leg shakes and his fingers turn white from the firm grip on the arm rests. "Will Mr. Swan decide to work with you in the future?"
"No," he spits.
"Jasper, do you agree?"
Jasper's silent.
Fuck.
"Jasper?"
"Aro was at his house a few days ago."
Dimitri whips around.
Now he's done it.
"Say that again?"
"Aro was at Charles Swan's house on Tuesday."
Dimitri sets the rag down.
"And you were there?"
"No. His daughter told me."
Bella told him? Jasper looks to me blankly. Maybe he noticed she slept in the shed, or maybe she really did tell him, but I sure as fuck didn't.
"And you're friends with this… daughter?"
He pauses briefly before answering. "Yes."
"Edward, is this the same daughter you were referring to at our last meeting?"
"Yes."
"And she's your friend, too?"
"Yes." It's soft but it's true.
"More than friends," Aro says through a gasp of pain. He's having a harder time containing the pain. His face is as red as the curtains in this room.
"Excuse me?"
"They're more than-," he pauses to grip his knee. Metallic blood permeates. I feel sick. "New dealer saw them… hooking up… at a party last night."
"Aro, does it look like I care what or who Edward does on his own time?"
"He took her to another party. She helped him sell."
The fuck? How's he know that?
"I'm not the only crooked one in here." Aro's voice comes back to him as he forgets his pain. "Jasper was an accomplice. And Laurent's pocketing half of his dealers' cuts."
Dimitri looks to Jasper then to me. He's blank and it's the scariest expression of them all.
"Aro, get the fuck out of here before I shoot your other knee cap off. Laurent, take him to the hospital," Dimitri says irritably before walking over to clap him on the back. "I'll see you back here tomorrow. Boys," he calls, looking towards me and Jasper, "stay. Girls, leave."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
When we're alone, I swallow my nerves and clear my throat.
"You invited a stranger into your dealings?" Dimitri asks.
"I take responsibility," I start. Dimitri doesn't like liars or cowards. "Jasper had nothing to do with it."
"Jasper?"
"I allowed it. Bella needed the money—"
"Bella?"
"Charles Swan's daughter."
"Bella." He tastes her name like it's an old wine.
"She's my friend. She needed help. I found a solution."
"And that solution included inviting a stranger into your dealings?" Steam practically escapes his pores.
"It was a very lucrative night."
He calms sort of.
"How much?"
"Just under 7k for 32 grams."
Dimitri bats his eyes in surprise. Good.
"Does Aro have his cut?"
"Yes."
"Good. He's out. You will deliver all your payments to me until further notice. We can meet here on the first Sunday of the month for the product distribution and money handling. I'm not happy about the girl, don't take me as a fool. If I didn't have Aro and his side hustle to deal with, you two would be punished."
Dimitri lets us stand, shakes our hands, walks us to the doors.
"One more thing," he says before opening the doors. I turn and my cheekbone meets Dimitiri's fist with. Jasper gets two. One to his eye the other to his mouth. His lips splits and blood pools down onto shirt. "I couldn't let you two leave without it looking like you were punished. Enjoy the party. I'll be in touch."
We stay for an hour or two, neither of us talking. I smoke a joint and I'm tempted to do a few lines, but drugs only numb the pain and I know that now.
Bella.
Dim knows her name.
Bella.
I need to get to her.
We stand and say goodbyes to other drug dealers like us. On the way out, I see Seth and think nothing of it. He waves and I nod back. The back of my neck prickles but it's fucking cold and that's all I can think.
"We're fucked," Jasper says as I turn onto his street and park in his driveway.
Bella's is empty. Thank fuck. I need to see her.
Stepping out with Jasper, I shake my head. "We're fine as long as Dim's busy with Aro."
"And when he's not?"
"We'll make sure he is."
He pushes snow with the toe of his boot. "How did Aro find out?"
"Eyes on the inside," I suggest.
"But who?"
And then it clicks.
"Seth must have told him about last night, but that's no big deal. We weren't even supposed to be working."
"Who saw you with Bella at the party?" Jasper asks.
"I literally couldn't tell you. There were so many people. Dimitri could've been there for all I fucking know, and Bella doesn't know the players in this game to even tell me. Someone close to Aro saw and ratted on us."
"We lost any camaraderie with Aro. We'll never figure it out." Jasper hand fidgets with the wayward strands of dirty hair. He looks tired and pissed and scared.
"Get some sleep, dude. I'll catch you later."
Jasper ducks inside is home as I cross the street. Her driveway sits empty, to I use the front door. I need to see her, feel her, smell her, taste her. I need her.
The second I use the code and Bella's door opens, I'm hit with a punch to my gut and a slap across my face.
I grip her wrists to restrain her. "It's me, Bella. It's Edward."
"Jesus!" she shrieks. "You should have warned me. I was ready to knee you in the balls."
Bella's out of breath and fearful. I shut her door, turn the lock, and lay her down.
The long t-shirt that covers her body pulls up and exposes her creamy thighs and spandex shorts.
"You didn't call."
"I've been… preoccupied."
"With Dimitri?"
"Yes."
"Is that what happened to your face?"
"Yes."
We're on our sides and facing each other. Her room lacks the curtains mine has so more moonlight filters in, but I'm glad. She glows under the midnight sun.
She traces the swelling over my cheekbone up into my eye before attacking my lips with hers.
Suddenly she's pushing me back and straddling my hips and kissing me so hard it hurts.
"Bella—" I start, but she cuts me off.
"I was scared all night! I don't like it, Edward!" She cries into my mouth.
She's losing control of herself and of me and I fucking know the feeling. Bella spins and reels and curses Dimitri between kisses. Her tiny fists grip the cotton of my shirt.
I have to stop her. She needs my control, and I'll gladly give it to her.
Gripping her wrists in my palm tightly, I sit up and push them behind her back. One hand encircles her two wrists while my free hand travels up the length of her hair and grips it at the nape of her neck. One simple tug and she's gasping. Bella's freed but restricted. She's liberated but chained. She's fucking turned on when I conquer her.
Curved hips roll against me.
"Take off my pants," I tell her firmly, letting go of her wrists and keeping her sight.
Blue eyes dilate with need.
My jeans find home on her floor, and I press her against my rigid erection. Her hands press against my chest, but they disrupt the view of her tits under her shirt, so I grip the hem and pull it above, throwing it onto my jeans. Perky breasts bounce free.
"Behind your back," I tell her. "Or on my thighs." My fingers find her wrists and instruct her with movement to arch her back and rest her weight on her palms on my thighs.
What a fucking view.
"Make yourself come," I say evenly, laying back to enjoy the show.
This level of control makes me cock leak and thicken and rage under her.
I need it after tonight.
Thoughts of Dim walking around the room filter through me as I graze my hands around Bella's skin.
A gun to Aro's neck, chest, then knee cause my breaths to shorten and panic rise in my throat, but then Bella grips my hands and places them against her waist. The curve and swell of her breasts as they find my fleshy palm arch over any other thoughts of blood and guns and fear of this lifestyle.
If I weren't so aware of her purity, these thin spandex shorts would be ripped and off and she'd be grinding her slit against my naked cock. But I'm aware, and she deserves someone to take the time on her.
"I can't—" she whimpers when I pinch her nipples.
Bella's on top. She thinks she's in charge. But she's not. I am.
"You will."
My grip on her breasts loosen and my hands skim down to the swell of her hips where I take handfuls of flesh and move her down faster. Her little gasp surprises her. She presses harder, connecting our centers forcefully.
"Ride me and come, Bella," I tell her sternly.
She liked hearing me last night, and I hope to fuck she likes this just as much.
When she sets a comfortable, confident rhythm, my fingers reach up and find her hardened nipples. Each sway of her hips plucks my fingers against them.
"Edward," she pants. "So good," she moans.
I pull her down to me. My mouth against her ear as a I whisper, "Don't speak until you come."
She gasps at my words as I push her away, settling her hands back onto my chest. A smirk plays on my lips. She fucking likes it.
"Understood?"
Bella either doesn't hear or doesn't fall for it. My dick smiles with me.
"Soak my cock with your pussy juice," I grunt, creeping closer to the edge myself. Her eyes squeeze shut as her little hips roll back and forth. She looks so fucking good on top, her pert breasts bouncing as she glides against me, her stomach muscles constrict repeatedly as she breathes through the tightening in her core. "Look at me."
Hooded eyes find mine. We're in this together.
My thumb reaches down and hooks between her lips. Spandex spreads thin as I press my thumb hard against her clit and rub fast. Her slit swallows the shorts, and bare lips drag against my shaft.
"Shit!" she moans, head falling forward.
I stop.
"Look at me."
She picks her head up and crumbles on top of me. My thumb presses against her as she grinds on my length.
"I'm coming," she pants, sitting up. One of her hands finds her hair and the other pulls at her aching nipple as she shatters like glass around me. To steady her, my hands find her hips and keep her upright.
Bella falls back into place and onto my chest and my teeth nip at her exposed neck.
"Make me come," I whisper into her hair when she's barely had time to ground herself.
She sits up and pulls my hard on out of my boxers. It's dry but tolerable. She uses my pre-cum as lube and jerks me fast and tight, leaning over my length as she kneels between my legs. Her fist grips my shaft and pulls it straight up as she jerks me off.
I don't tell her I'm about to explode because I want to see her covered.
And so she is.
Hot come lands on her belly, her fingers, and the underside of her breasts as I shatter silently.
"Thank you," she breathes slowly after we're cleaned up.
"Why are you thanking me?" I ask with a laugh.
"I'm… I'm not sure. I just feel better. I hadn't heard from you all night, I know you were with Dimitri, and I just… I don't know."
"I should be thanking you, Bella," I say honestly.
"For what?"
"Letting me be free. Letting me control things." I whisper the last part like it's fucking illegal.
Bella stares up at me. "Huh?"
"That's what that was. Control."
"If that was control, you have my permission to do it anytime."
I smirk and look away. She has no idea what she's saying.
"You really shouldn't have said that."
~!~
I'm a zombie on Monday. My dad was fucking pissed when I got home last night. It was way after curfew, and I tried lying about an emergency with Jasper, but he's not giving in as easily anymore.
Bella's dressed in a cute little frilly sweater and black leggings. When she bends over I can almost make out the color thong she's wearing.
At lunch, I don't really talk… mostly because Alice does it enough for all of us.
"Move your hair, Bella," she says. "Edward's hickey looks so angry today."
My eyes find it. I almost forgot.
My mark.
Purple with yellow edges. Furious and heated and so fucking hot it makes my dick hurt. Bella pulls up her sweater and braids her hair down the side of her neck to cover it.
"Yours looks bad," she tells me, her eyes on my neck.
"Good," I say easily.
In Bio, whispers of who I fucked over the weekend get around. Vickie smiles when people assume it's her.
I pick Bella up from work and we make out in my car.
"I gotta get back," I tell her regretfully. "My dad's off this week and he's watching me like a hawk."
"Okay," she nods.
~!~
Tuesday sucks but not as bad. I've gotten some sleep so I'm not a total zombie. I ace my math test and Bella and I find out we pulled a 93 on our Bio project.
"Nice!" she says after class, reading the rubric in the hall.
"What time are you coming on Thursday?" It's thanksgiving and doesn't it take like all day to cook a turkey? I hope she says early so I can pretend to care about dinner just to spend time with her.
"Early."
Yes.
~!~
Wednesday starts off a lot better. My dad's talking about buying me a new car after I let him know about my acceptance to U dub, Alice talks Jasper into joining us for Thanksgiving, and Bella's wearing the sweetest smile.
Why are you so happy? I text her during Bio.
No school for five days! What's not to like?
Big plans, Bella?
Rest and relaxation. You?
I was hoping my fingers could find home inside your pussy over break. Got time?
I'm sure I can make time.
Her smile makes me smile.
Later that night, Dimitri calls to set up a schedule for December. He informs me and J that we are not to answer any calls from Aro. Instead of asking why, I stay silent.
With his fucked up knee, I don't have to worry about him climbing in through Bella's window anytime soon.
Dimitri drones on about Charles and Aro working together, but honestly I tune him out until he says, "I'd like to meet this Bella."
