A/N: Thank you all so much for your comments and reviews. You have all been incredibly kind and supportive. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I must warn you that I myself felt very sad writing it. I took advantage of a sad mood and listened to despondent music while writing the rest of it, and it turned out quite intense. And without further ado...chapter 4.
"Dad?"
Kevin gasped in surprise. He felt like he'd gotten the wind knocked out of him, as if a physical force had slammed into him. Because there his father was, sitting on a royal blue sofa, watching Rocky IV, as if he'd always been there. As if he'd never even been gone.
"Dad?" He repeated the words, not quite sure whether he'd actually spoken them before, or if he'd been too stunned to make a sound. Jack turned around then, his face breaking into a smile at seeing Kevin.
"Hey, son! Come join me, I was just watching a movie."
Tears filling his eyes, Kevin rushed over to the couch and sank down on it next to his dad, immediately embracing him. Jack seemed taken aback, but he returned the hug.
"What's this all about, Kev?"
Kevin smiled. "I'm just...really happy to see you."
Eyeing a huge bowl of popcorn on the table that either had magically appeared or he somehow hadn't noticed, he leaned over and picked it up.
"Aw no, hey, this isn't the one where Creed dies, is it?"
The movie had long since been over. Kevin had insisted on cleaning up, much to Jack's amusement. But once Kevin finally turned off the vacuum, Jack stood from his spot on the couch and put his hand on his son's shoulder, looking him straight in the eye.
"Kev. The longer you stay in here, the harder it's gonna be to leave. Coming here wasn't your choice, but overstaying your welcome here? Well, it has...consequences. And don't get me wrong, I love having you here, but this really has to be just a visit. You can't stay here."
Shaking his father's hand off his shoulder, Kevin turned away. Oddly, he felt unembarrassed at the realization that he'd started crying. And yet, Kevin found that he couldn't stand to look at his father or face the intense emotion swirling in his eyes.
"There's nothing for me there, Dad," Kevin said. He shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "I've screwed everything up. All the people I love the most, I've let them down. Beth hates me, Randall is disappointed in me, Mom is always gonna have to worry about me now, and Tess...I scared her, Dad."
Kevin took in a shuddering breath, images of that moment, of his nightmares filling his head. "God," he whispered. "I almost killed her."
Kevin finally looked up to see that his dad was looking at him, with that same intensity, head cocked to the side, arms crossed over his chest, forehead creased with worry lines. It was clear to Kevin that Jack had something to say to him - there was almost an audible roaring sound of his dad carefully mulling over his words.
"Let me ask you a question, Kev."
Kevin gave a nod, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
"Would you have died if Tess hadn't been in that car?"
Kevin stared at his dad. Jack's eyes still had the same severity, but the emotion behind them had changed. Now his dad looked impossibly sad, as though he'd just picked up a great burden.
Kevin scoffed, wanting to look away, to hide from his dad's sadness and his own sudden shame as best he could. But he found that he couldn't look away, as if their eyes were magnets of opposite poles.
"Kev," Jack said softly. He stood there, patiently waiting for an answer.
"Dad, c'mon," Kevin started. His throat was tight, and he could barely get the words out. "This isn't even about me. This is about what I did to -"
"No, I heard what you said, son." Jack took a step closer to him, his arms unfolding. "And I'll ask you again: would you have died if Tess hadn't been in that car? You were drunk, speeding, driving recklessly...there's a tree that was coming up ahead on that curve. Would you have run into it?"
Shaking his head, the tears running down his face faster, Kevin shook his head.
"Dad, stop," he whispered.
Taking another step forward, Jack held Kevin's face in his hands, just as Jack had done for Randall, just as Kevin had done for Randall.
"Kevin, would you still be alive if Tess hadn't been in the car?"
Sobbing now, Kevin hoarsely cried out, "I don't know, I don't know," before collapsing on the floor, with Jack kneeling next to him and holding his son. For what felt like hours but what must have only been a few minutes, they sat there, sitting awkwardly on the floor with Kevin slumped over his father. Once the sound of sobbing turned into the strange sort of crying hiccups that one gets, Jack began to speak softly.
"Oh, son. They are so worried for you. You mean more to them than you realize right now. They just need you to come home to them. They'll help you figure it out, but Kev, if you wait here too long, there won't be any going back."
"I can't," Kevin whimpered.
"Come on," Jack encouraged. He stood up, pulling his son with him. "I can take you partway," he said as he led Kevin towards the doorway. "But you'll have to open the door. I can't do that for you." He gestured towards a large, white door with a silver handle. It seemed so ordinary, and yet, so intimidating.
Kevin turned to his father. "What happens if I don't go through?"
"I think you know the answer to that, son," Jack said somberly.
Kevin took a deep, shuddering breath.
And took a step forward.
