AN: Hello readers! I have finally returned with Chapter 44.

Sorry for the delay. The time I thought I would've had this chapter ready was the same week I had back-to-back finals. It's an understatement in itself how much I actually underestimated the work I had to do for them, so long story short, I didn't really have time to get this chapter out during last week.

On an unrelated note, this story has reached over 30,000 views in the time I've been gone. Thanks to all who have been reading this story throughout nearly an entire year since I've been uploading chapters. I've had a lot of fun writing this story and can't wait with the amount of time I have now that on I'm summer break to continue it.

Speaking of that, I'm going to try making uploads a little bit more frequent (maybe not as frequent as I was able to do during last summer since I'm trying my best to split my focus equally with my other stories). With CSG specifically, I'm going to try uploading at least every other week starting this week. So (potentially if all things go well) Chapter 45 will come out 5/24-5/30 at the latest.

Well, that's all that I have for right now. I do have a question for you guys at the end of the chapter, but other than that, I hope you enjoy it!

As always, please leave a review on anything you liked, think I should work on, or just any questions in general! I enjoy reading them and I will answer them at the end of the next chapter:)


Disclaimer: I do not own A Certain Scientific Railgun/Magical Index or any of its characters...the only things I own are:

1. My characters and

2. my ideas


Chapter 44: Two Problems, One Potential Solution

August 1st, 11:15AM

Joseph's Restaurant

It was silent at the table where Misaka, Shirai, Saten, and Uiharu were sitting at, with the latter half of the group staring at the Tokiwadai girls in front of them for what felt like an eternity.

Misaka and Shirai had just finished explaining the details they had omitted from their story relating to what happened to Asher yesterday evening at Big Spider's headquarters. They could see the faces of their friends growing paler every passing word as their minds tried to process the unthinkable of someone doing that to their friend just due to their disliking of espers and from the fact that she's the rumored Calamity of Tokiwadai.

After a long suffocating silence, Uiharu was the first of the Sakugawa girls that was able to speak to try and clarify if what she had just heard had really happened.

"She was beaten by someone in Big Spider after your abilities were suppressed by this Capacity Down System? And had some sort of anxiety attack because of that Skill-Out guy kicking her while she was already down?" Uiharu asked shakily, with her heart dropping again when Shirai nodded her head to confirm.

"Her injuries, are any of them life threatening?" Saten asked in concern.

Both her and Uiharu were relieved when they saw Misaka shake her head, with them both seeing a small smile on her face that had a certain solemness that was rarely ever seen from the Electromaster.

It was a look that Saten had seen once before when Asher had disappeared after they had confronted them about Project WaveInflux, leaving her wondering if there was something else that the girl was hiding under the surface of her current emotions on display.

"From what her Doctor said, she mostly just sustained a mild concussion and some bruising and small cracks in a couple areas of her ribs. Her ears also sustained some damage from that Capacity Down system, though, her Amps are good enough to protect them while they recover. Since he didn't really find anything too severe, he allowed her to be discharged from the hospital last night under the condition she takes her bedrest seriously and returns for further treatment if necessary."

"So, she's okay?" Saten pressed, again.

"More or less…"

Saten let out a long breath as relief flooded her system. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her chest from knowing that Asher was okay and wasn't too terribly injured. It only took a few moments, however, for that relief to quickly turn into red-hot anger that Saten herself knew she had never felt so intensely before in her life.

She rose to her feet and planted her hands forcefully down onto the table right in front of her.

"Well, then why didn't ANY of you tell me or Uiharu until now!?" She asked, angrily. "We had every right to know about this last night right when it happened!"

"Zierdan asked us not to, at least until the morning." Shirai quickly replied. "She didn't want you two to see her like that so soon after what happened."

"Okay and!? That's a good enough excuse for Asher to use but that doesn't let either of you two off the hook!" Saten continued to shout. "We all know that's her textbook answer in anything that involves her showing anyone anything that she doesn't want anyone but her to see. Yes, it should be acknowledged, but that doesn't mean you should listen to such nonsense, especially in a situation where she could've been BEATEN TO DEATH if no one had been able to stop them!"

"Yeah, Saten's right!" Uiharu said before Misaka or Shirai could respond. "She is a dear friend of ours! We should've been there to be able to offer our support for such a traumatic experience!"

Before either Saten or Uiharu could continue expressing their grievances, they both flinched when they looked over and saw the look of absolute defeat on a face they would have never thought they would ever see it from. It was to the extent that even the teleporter beside the person in question was surprised by it, seeing her form trembling slightly before it seemed to be forced to stop altogether as she swallowed hard and bowed her head.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault that neither of us told you anything about it before now." Misaka softly remarked. "When we were at the hospital and Zierdan was alone with her doctor, Kuroko actually attempted to call you two and discreetly tell you what had happed before I stopped her. I know most of the time when Z says things like that, it's so that no one else worries for her in any way. But this time I felt like it was different because of her PTSD being involved in this situation specifically..."

"If she has a flashback, it's highly likely she'll have a second or third one due to how strained she already is mentally from just the first one alone. The walls that she probably puts up to prevent them take a while to come back and it leaves her feeling helpless and worried that another will come when she least expects it. She's at her most vulnerable when she gets like that and even when she comes out of it. It's a sight that I honestly wouldn't want even my worst enemy to witness if it can be helped. It's just…gut-wrenching to see and hear how scared she gets when normally there's hardly anything that can get her to react even close to it."

She raised her head up to look over at her friends who had sat back down in their chairs, looking at her in either concern or worry from the expression that was probably on her face. She internally cursed at herself due to her inability to hide how she was feeling right now, though, hoped that it would at least help with what she was about to say.

"Please try not to be upset with her. I know that she knows that she needs to start letting more people in to see her problems. She has only had me for a long time, so for her to see and know that she has other people like you three now that both trust and care about her means the absolute world to her. But I don't think she's fully prepared to show this side of her just yet. And I don't think any of you really are either because nothing can prepare you to see something like that…"

"So, if you want to be upset with someone, just…be upset with me. I was the one who made the last call. Kuroko played no part in it. It's all on me. "

Everything…

Is on me.

Before any of them could respond, Misaka rose to her feet and gently moved out of the booth they had been sitting in.

"Hey where are you going Sissy?" Shirai asked in some alarm.

Misaka stopped in her tracks. "Restroom," she said without turning to look over at them. "I-I'll…be right back."

As the Electromaster got out of view, Saten and Uiharu sent their confused glances over to Shirai who was just as confused and worried as they were.

"Is Misaka okay?" Saten asked.

Shirai took a moment to think before she let out a small breath and laid her forehead against the table. "Short story no. Long story, I honestly don't know." She said, muffled on the table.

"What's wrong with her?" Uiharu questioned. "Is there something wrong with Asher that she or you didn't want to mention to us?"

"Again yes but sort of no and….Ugh, this whole situation is just a lot for my mind to process." Shirai replied as she brought her head up from the table. "But the main problem currently is that Sissy and Zierdan haven't talked to each other since last night."

"Really?" Saten asked as Uiharu also looked at her in disbelief. When Shirai nodded her head, their surprise grew even more. "Why? They hardly if ever fight and even if they do, it's usually not a real one or bad enough that it leads to…well not talking to each other."

"The thing is, though, I don't think they're necessarily fighting over anything. The last time they talked it didn't end with any sort of argument, which is something I wonder is an ending much worse than if they were actually fighting over something." Shirai remarked as her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Do you at least know how it started?" Uiharu asked, to where Shirai nodded her head slightly.

"I do." The teleporter sighed as she leaned her head into her hand. "Sissy was worried that Zierdan was going to end up pushing herself too much even with her Doctor ordering her to rest and recover. She decided that it was most likely for the best that she not help with the Big Spider investigation anymore and I agreed to back her up with whatever she decided to do on the matter. When she went ahead and told her, Zierdan surprisingly didn't try to fight and said that she was "fine" with it. But….some part of me knew that was a lie that I was able to confirm this morning after I went to check on her. Before she kicked me out, she said that she didn't fight it because she believes that Sissy thinks she's useless and a liability in the condition she's currently in. And what's making it worse is that Sissy isn't really doing anything to tell or show her that isn't truly the case."

"So, they've both basically shut down in some way." Saten concluded. "That's why Asher hasn't replied to any of my texts and why Misaka just looks…I'd say depressed when she can't keep her act up anymore. They're probably the closest when it comes to our group and have enough baggage that could tear anyone down, even two Level 5 espers. They keep each other balanced, so when one knows that the other isn't going to be around even emotionally speaking…"

"They both end up suffering for it." Uiharu finished. "From what I can tell from all that you've said so far, Shirai, they're two problems in this situation that need to be fixed before either of them can be resolved."

"Yeah, I agree." Shirai responded. "From Zierdan's end, I think it's more of a misunderstanding piled on top of how she's having a hard time managing her feelings of what happened to her. When she gets overwhelmed and it just hurts too much that she can't ignore her own pain or emotions anymore, her natural response to it is to push basically everything away in order to cope by herself, her friends and her own emotions included."

"And then there's Misaka," Saten began. "It sounds like she's so worried over Asher's well-being that she's letting herself ignore that in hopes it will protect Asher in the long run."

"Yes, though, I think there's something else that she knows that only Zierdan would notice if she was motivated in searching for it. Which is why she's keeping her distance from her." Shirai added. "That just leaves the question of…"

"What should we do to help and resolve their disconnect or if we should even try to help to begin with?" Uiharu concluded, to where Saten looked over at her in surprise.

"The answer is obvious when it comes to that, Uiharu. Of course, we need to do something before it ends up permanently affecting their relationship."

"It's not as easy as it sounds, Saten." Shirai spoke as Saten sent her a confused glance. "The reverse could also be true if we get that involved in their private matters. We could end up doing more harm than good."

"Y-Yeah but…" Saten trailed off, trying to figure what she should say. She knew that Shirai was right that they could end up making the situation worse.

But wasn't it worth the risk if it meant that they could help mend whatever this divide was that was between their friends?

"I know, there's no question that something needs to be done about this. I wasn't trying to say that we shouldn't do anything, Saten. It's more of the question of what we should and can do." Shirai replied. "It would be different if it was a typical situation in which me and Zierdan were fighting. We both have someone like Sissy that we feel naturally comfortable in letting down our guards and saying what's wrong freely without too much trouble. This situation, however, is different in the fact that not only are they stubborn in their own ways, but they also are each other's person to go to for something like this. How will we get them to open up to each other, if there's something preventing them from even doing so?"

Silence fell on the table for a time as they tried to figure out how to solve a problem that almost seemed unsolvable due to how many factors were currently against them. That was until some realization fell on Saten's face after a thought crossed her mind.

"Hey guys," She said aloud. Both Shirai and Uiharu looked over at her and saw some look of either confidence or hope flash within her eyes. "I think I have an idea that may fix at least one part of the problem that may lead to fixing it entirely…"

"Instead of trying Misaka, how about I be the one who goes talk to Asher instead?"


Restaurant Restroom

Misaka stood in front of the sink as water gushed from the faucet. Her face was dripping wet, while she panted slightly under her breath to calm herself down.

She was stressed, enough that even her friends were starting to be able to tell that she was. It was only a matter of time before one of them would be able to see through the face she was putting on for them. And it didn't help that she also had hardly slept even for an hour at a time last night.

Every time she had closed her eyes, all she could see was Asher's face looking as if she didn't care that she wouldn't be a part of the investigation anymore, when Misaka knew otherwise no matter how convincing she tried to be.

["Alright, that's fine." Asher remarked as she lowered her blue eyes to the ground. "I sort of figured as much anyway so…it's fine."]

That girl is such a bad liar. And I'm an idiot in allowing her to think otherwise. She thought as she lowered her head.

She knew even last night that Asher was anything but fine when it came to that, which most likely helped with only worsening her feelings regarding everything that had happened to her. They had known each other for so long that she understood the gravity esper inside and out as she did for her, allowing them to almost be on the same page even if words weren't exchanged between them.

This made her all the more confused that she couldn't understand why Asher had just accepted to not be a part of this investigation anymore in mere seconds, not hours after the Electromaster had imagined it would have taken to convince her. She knew that it was probably tied to her logic, but that by itself proved too little to help. She may have understood it probably better than most people, but it would be a stretch for even her to say that she knew all of the ins and outs.

Asher's logic was well-known for making the girl one of the smartest, most logically orientated person on the planet, while also making her so illogical in other people's eyes on occasion for some of the decisions she ends up making because of it. It also didn't help that she was also notorious for sometimes ignoring the logic when some part of her feels like it doesn't apply in the situation, but at least she knew that was probably not the case right here.

The question isn't how she logically justified this. It's more like why and when. she thought as she narrowed her eyes.

She would've had to of been at least thinking there was a chance either me, Kuroko, and even her doctor would have told her that she needed to sit this investigation out. Even if a little fraction of a choice contains some sort of logic, chances are she'll accept it even if it's illogical in usual standards.

So, when was she thinking through it?

She thought on it for a while before her eyes widened slightly, falling just as quickly as her mind came across something that had most likely seemed normal all things considered, but found some part of her questioning the true reasons behind it now.

Asher may have not done it yet, but she had been on her way to actually shedding some tears last night before they had left the hospital with Yomikawa.

Had that been the point to where she had just needed either the excuse or push to have some way of rationalizing that she shouldn't help her or Shirai anymore?

And if so, what was the actual reasoning behind it that instead of making her feel slightly annoyed that her friends took her off the case, it just made her feel and look completely defeated in the worse way possible?

She went to the side pocket of her skirt and pulled out her Gekota phone, flipping it to the messages to see her most recent one that had still gone unanswered. It was Asher in her typical fashion of greeting her in the morning if she knew it would be a while before they would see each other face to face, most likely being the last attempt in confirming if whatever she thought was true when it came to this message in particular.

Misaka had typed something out that had been sitting there since the moment she had saw that Asher had even texted her, with her hesitating even now to press send.

Pressing send would mean her having to open up as to why she had been so distant...

And increase the chances of her finding out that she was feeling an emotion that she still didn't want to acknowledge.

Asher would also figure out in a heartbeat why she was strongly against thinking that Konori still felt some sort of obligation to this Kurozuma guy when she was a completely different person that shouldn't be tied to such things.

After this investigation, I promise I'll make it up to you, Zierdan, she thought as she closed her phone.

But…

I can't do it just yet.

You've been through enough these last few weeks, years even that has either helped or just added even more emotional baggage on top of what you already have.

I don't need to add mine to the mix even if you want me to.

After splashing some more water on her face and hitting her cheeks a couple times, Misaka felt that she had done enough to prevent the emotions that were trying to see the light of the day from doing so, feeling some weight lift off her shoulders as she tried her best to keep the appearance of her being relatively okay for the moment.

She walked out of the restroom and to the table where she knew her friends were waiting for her, seeing them all rise to their feet once she made it to the table.

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting," She apologized with a smile. Her eyes went over to look at the teleporter standing in front her. "So, what's this plan that you have for us, Kuroko?"

"Plan?" Shirai asked in confusion before a thought crossed her mind. "Oh right! I did say I had a plan before, didn't I? I was thinking that it would be in our best interests to go and investigate Konori's sudden disappearance for ourselves and see if she's hiding out in her dorm."

"That's a great idea." Misaka stated as she automatically turned to leave, before she felt her arm be tugged.

"Not so fast Sissy." Shirai sighed. "Sometimes you're just so eager to get involved in things you probably shouldn't…"

"Hey! That's not even the least bit true!" Misaka exasperated.

Before she could continue any further, she stopped when Shirai's finger came up inches from her lips. "If you say so, but there's no need to argue. We're going to go, but just not now. Late afternoon, perhaps?"

Misaka's eyebrows went upwards as some confusion fell on her face. "Why though?" She asked as soon as Shirai removed her fingers from her lips. "Got anything better to do?"

"Not necessarily." Shirai stated. "Though, I think it would be best to spend some of the day gathering some more intel on Skill-Out. I would much rather do that now where the sun is out than go closer towards the evening."

"And since Konori is MIA, I have some work I have to get done to cover for her at the Judgment Office." Uiharu said.

"Okay…" Misaka trailed off. She found it sort of weird that her friends were bringing up things that they hadn't even mentioned until now, looking over at Saten to see if the trend would continue. "And Saten, do you have something to do or…?"

"Sadly yeah," Saten smiled. "I got a message from a mutual friend that me and Uiharu know when you were in the restroom. It sounds sort of important, so I think I'm going to stop there really quick to make sure everything is okay."

"Uh-huh, gotcha." Misaka said. There was something about what they all said that didn't really sit well with her, with Saten's comment probably being the vaguest out of the bunch.

Before she could question them on it, however, Shirai swiftly grabbed Uiharu's and Saten's arm, turning to look over at the Electromaster over her shoulder.

"Well, I'm going to go ahead and quickly take them to the Judgment office so they're closer to their location. I'll come back here shortly, so we can do some more investigating, Sissy."

"Okay, um when are we going to go to Konori's dorm then? I mean, are we still going together?"

"Oh yes, I should be able to go. It shouldn't take me too long to get done, so maybe around 4 or 5?" Uiharu said, looking over at Saten who sent her a nod almost too quickly to seem normal.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect. If I end up being tied up, I'll make sure to let you all know, so you can go without me and don't have to wait."

Before Misaka could respond, her friends instantly disappeared, leaving her more confused than ever of why they were acting more off than even she probably had been.

Uh, what was that? She thought as she hadn't moved, looking directly at the spot that her friends had been in just a second ago.

I don't think I was gone that long for them to have enough time to do a complete 180.

She stood there for a while before she let out a small sigh as she sat back down at the table she had sitting at with the others.

There's probably nothing going on.

It's most likely just me being paranoid.


A little while later...

Tokiwadai Dormitory

Shirai, Saten, and Uiharu appeared right in front of the Tokiwadai dorms. They each looked over at the building in front of them as the wind picked up slightly enough to move their hair.

Saten stood there probably the most nervous out of the bunch, feeling her heart racing even more as she tried to keep her face from showing it. She had come up with some semblance of a plan that would hopefully end with part of the problem being resolved when it came to whatever was going on between Asher and Misaka. Asher may have not known Saten for that long, but there was just something different in their relationship when compared to either Uiharu and Shirai that allowed Asher to feel more comfortable in sharing without cutting out certain parts or end in one huge argument.

I wonder what version of Asher I'm going to see this time, Saten thought as her eyes fell slightly, remembering all the moments she had with the esper thus far.

Is she going to be sad and quiet? Cold and unmoving? Stoic to a fault to hide her emotions for anyone to see?

It's probably too wishful to think that she's just going to be the one I typically see day in and day out from all that she has gone through recently. She has shown me a side before that she doesn't show others all that often. I hope some part of her will show it to me now so I can help her in any way I can.

Because if I can't and nothing is done about this, all she's going to do is waste away, alone in that room until this situation is resolved.

Isolated and alone. Just like she had been way back when.

[I always felt like an outcast and never tried to connect with others, as I was repeatedly told that no one wanted to do it in return because of my ability that others perceived as dangerous and the part of my personality that prevents me from being able to understand people as well as I should…."

"I grew…to hate myself and my ability during that time. And disliked others in the same sense as they never seemed to want to care that I was alone, and I d-didn't want to be but…didn't know how to vocalize it to others. People never paused to acknowledge my humanity just for the fact that my level intimidated them.]

"Saten. Hey, Saten!" Shirai called out, with her voice being loud enough to cause the girl in question to jump.

"Yes?"

"Are you sure that you want to do this by yourself?" She asked in concern.

Saten took a minute to contemplate it before she looked back at the teleporter with a smile across her face. "Yes, I do. Because, no offense, I don't think it would be in our best interest that you try to talk to her with me. You both may start fighting and we don't have Misaka here to raise my chances of being able to stop it."

Shirai let out a nervous laugh. "Hehe, true. I'm probably the last one on Zierdan's list she would want to see from the mood I put her in this morning."

"Then how about I at least go with you?" Uiharu asked with worry shinning in her eyes. "You shouldn't have to do this by yourself. Maybe having someone else there to support her will make it even easier to make her feel better."

"True, but the same could be said that having more than one person there will make it feel like we're ganging up on her to get some sort of confession too, Uiharu." Saten stated as she laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "And out of the 3 of us, your excuse was actually true. Go back to the Judgment office to finish whatever you have to do. I'll be fine, so don't worry. Just leave Asher to me."

"Are you sure?" Shirai and Uiharu asked collectively.

"Indeed I am. Now go before Misaka starts to get suspicious for how long it's taking you to get back there to her, Shirai."

Shirai stared at the girl for a time before she let out a sigh and reached out to gently grab Uiharu's hand. "Alright, if you say so," Shirai conceded. "Do you remember what you need to do when you get inside the dorm?"

"Press the button for Asher's room which is 206 so she can give me access to the elevator to get up to her room?" Saten summed up, with Shirai nodding her head to confirm.

"Yes, good luck, Saten." Shirai said with a wave as Uiharu did the same from beside her.

"Call us if you need anything!" Uiharu said before they disappeared.

Saten stood there for a few moments looking at the spot her friends had just been standing in before she turned around and slowly walked towards the front door of the Tokiwadai dorms.


Unknown Location…

Asher found herself in a place covered in a thick layer of fog, preventing her from being able to see anything other than one path going straight out in front of her. She stared at it for a time before she took a step forward, taking one after the other as she found herself walking aimlessly in surroundings that she was unfamiliar with.

She walked on until she came to the end of the path, seeing an open area clouded with the ominous fog that continuously circled around her.

'What is this?' she thought, before she saw the fog shift, bracing herself as soon as it covered her entirely.

As she felt the fog dispel, she opened her eyes to see a girl standing there, with her eyes widening when she realized instantly who she was as she instinctively took a step towards her.

"Mikoto?" Asher asked. "What are you-"

Before she could approach any further, she instantly recoiled as she had to block and defend herself from a random discharge of the Electromaster's electricity.

"Get away from me! Don't you dare get any closer!" Misaka yelled.

Asher's body stiffened when she heard so much vigor and anger in her words, enough so that even she didn't have a hard time figuring out. What she had a hard time understanding was why the girl was so hostile before she realized what probably might be the cause, which prompted her to lower her eyes and nervously rub the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry, I know you're upset with me," Asher mumbled. "I took the wrong approach in the situation and it led to you and Kuroko's life being in danger-"

"That isn't even the half of it!" Misaka yelled, bringing up her nearly lightless chestnut eyes that seemed to be clouded in rage. "All you ever do is apologize for crap like this before it ends up happening again and again AND again! Honestly, do you even hear yourself anymore!? Your apologies are so insignificant and pointless that even someone so blind when it comes to her own emotions and the emotions of others should be able to understand that!"

Asher flinched, especially from seeing a look inside of Misaka's eyes that she had never seen from the Electromaster before. It reminded her of the looks she always received from those in Academy City when they knew who she was, knew what she did, and either despised or feared her because of it.

"M-MK," Asher stammered in surprise, as her eyes started to waver.

'This must be a dream or twisted nightmare,' Asher thought, finding herself too shocked to even voice anymore words other than to utter Misaka's name.

'Even if she was angry at me…pissed even, she wouldn't say things like that to me. She wouldn't look at me as if I'm….'

She found herself finding the confidence to take a few steps after a while, dodging off to the side when more electricity was shot towards her. She ignored the many shouts and curses that came from the Electromaster's mouth, reaching out to grab her arm and increased her gravity fast enough that it canceled their abilities without any sort of backlash.

"Hey, let go of me!"

"Mikoto, pl-please stop and tell me what's wrong." Asher said, trying her best to keep the hurt out of her voice. "Where is this all even coming from?"

No matter how much Misaka tried to struggle out of her grip, Asher didn't let go. Out of the both of them when it came to strength overall, Asher was usually able to edge out Misaka just enough whenever she was motivated to actually use it to its fullest extent.

It looked like Misaka started to realize that as well after a few moments, seemingly slumping down in defeat with her head bowed towards the floor.

"I'm just done…I can't keep going through this with you anymore, Zierdan." She said under her breath as some semblance of shock came over Asher's face. "I've been there for you countless times and each one ends with me being the one who gets hurt the most. While you're sitting there always using me to get rid of your own heartache, do you ever stop to think how much doing that is affecting me? How much I must hide for your sake in which you constantly, purposefully ignore for your own benefit? It hurts and angers me so much so that sometimes I regret…"

"That I even became friends with you in the first place."

Those words were enough for Asher to feel like her heart was crushed, with her grip falling from Misaka's arms as she just stared at the girl standing there in front of her.

Some part of her knew that this was a dream, but the larger half of her still wouldn't allow her to fully see that fact, instead believing that the Misaka standing before her was real. Hearing her say that she was such a burden that sometimes even Misaka was led to regret her actions of being her friend because of it was something that hurt in so many ways that she couldn't even describe how she felt. It was always something that she feared would happen at some point even before WaveInflux, bringing one of her deepest fears imaginable to the surface as she stood there, paralyzed.

She stood there unable to move even when she saw Misaka turn around as if she was about to leave. There was something inside of her that couldn't allow the girl to get too far, though, feeling her arm almost move on its own to grasp her arm, strongly once more.

"What are you doing, Asher? Let go of me…" She heard Misaka utter with almost no emotion in her voice, hearing her address her in such a way that she hadn't in such a very long time.

"Please…d-don't. Please don't leave me, Mikoto." Asher softly pleaded as tears collected in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that what I've done has either upset or hurt you in any way. You know I wouldn't do that on purpose. You mean so much to me. I c-can't lose anyone else, much less you. So please don't go. We made a promise. A promise to be there for e-each other."

"Oh really? Well, then tell me, how much do I actually mean to you, Zierdan?" Misaka asked.

Asher opened her mouth to respond before she found herself unable to say even a whole sentence.

"Y-You're…I-I…." She stuttered. No matter what she did, the words that she wanted to say wouldn't come out, restricted not in nervousness but from another emotion that had crept into her soul in that moment and nearly consumed her entirely.

When she tried a few more times, she stopped when she heard a low laugh come from under Misaka's breath, hearing it get louder and louder before she was able to stop.

"You see right there is the very thing that's so innately flawed and wrong about you." Misaka hissed with a smirk on her face. "Even with me, the girl that's supposedly your best friend, you keep everyone emotionally at a distance so much so that you have to believe that you're on your deathbed to just admit that you love having someone like me or the others in your life. All because of your childish belief that everyone who gets that close to you will end up leaving you or end up dead like your parents. When you don't realize that this fear of being abandoned and alone is going to be the very thing responsible for you being by yourself in the end. It won't be long before you lose the others just as you have me. And when it happens, don't blame anyone but yourself for it."

Misaka attempted again to move out of Asher's grip and this time the gravity esper let her. She felt the strength in her body dissipate into nothingness as she fell to her knees.

"Bu-But you promised." Asher mumbled aloud, in shock. "You said th-that you wouldn't…That I wouldn't be alone ever again…"

"I did, though I could say the same to you. You told me you were fine weeks before that day. Promised me that you were just adjusting and dealing with your mother's death. How do you think I felt when I found out that was a complete and utter lie, considering you ended up in the hospital, comatose with your heart that I had to basically restart with my own hands on the verge of going into heart failure if you just so much as sneezed or coughed the wrong way?" Misaka said before she continued to walk away. "You're the last one to tell me about promises that I need to keep, Zierdan, when you can hardly ever keep your own…"

"Silas was right, all you ever do is run away from your problems. Never able to fully commit to anything, even if it meant keeping me around to suffer in your place."

And with that, Misaka walked on and disappeared in the fog as Asher's head bent so low to touch the ground below her…

Left alone to be consumed entirely by the darkens within her own soul.


Tokiwadai Dorm

Asher woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air as she quickly sat up and tried to catch her breath. She immediately found herself in a lot of pain, cringing harshly under her breath as she fell back down to whatever she was currently lying on.

It took a few moments for her to get oriented to her surroundings, looking around and seeing that she was in her bed inside her dorm room. She lied there for a time as she thankfully got her heart to go down to a semi-comfortable pace, feeling relief fill her system that her mind hadn't decided to turn on her.

When are these restless days and nightmares going to finally end? She thought as she draped her arm over her face.

First it was flashbacks of Silas and the project, then dreams of that Skill-out guy beating me down repeatedly with the damn noise of that device in the background, and now it's a version of Mikoto I never want to see in my life.

What's next? Kuroko, Uiharu, or Saten?

Miss Yomikawa?

Or even someone like Misaki or Kongou?

I hate that my insomnia and PTSD triggers things like this. And that no matter what I do, I can't stop it or block it out like I used to.

She stayed on her back for a time as she tried to keep herself composed, still feeling somewhat irritated and annoyed with herself for how she acted with Shirai this morning. She knew that the girl was trying to help, but she did it at a particular time where her mood hadn't been the best to acknowledge that fact.

All she saw was a girl looking at her with pity, trying to understand something that Asher knew she wouldn't fully, and it had angered her tremendously during that time. No one, not even Misaka, could understand the all-consuming amount of dread and fear she feels whenever her mind turns on or her anxiety gets so severe that it boils over too much to be controlled.

She lied there for a while before she reached over and grabbed her phone, seeing "12:05PM" emblazoned on the screen. She sighed aloud as she hadn't meant to sleep as long as she had.

She instinctively moved on and flipped over to one of her contacts, stopping herself when she noticed Misaka's name on the screen. The Electromaster still hadn't replied to the text that she had sent her this morning, meaning her suspicions were right in the fact that Misaka was avoiding her in any way she could.

It was times like this that made her take for granted whenever Misaka worried over her to no end after a situation like last evening, hovering so much so that it usually drove the esper crazy, though somehow made her feel better at the same time.

She stared at the screen for a while, almost moving her thumb over to be the first to really say anything about what happened last night before she ended up closing out the phone entirely. She honestly didn't think she was ready for the discussion that would come from something like that, not wanting her suspicions of Misaka seeing her too much of a burden to be helpful to be true.

She tried to sit up at that moment to go and get a book off her shelf to read and pass the time, only to cringe again from the amount of aches and pains that rose from her head but also her midsection, especially.

"Dang it…" She said under her breath as she fell back onto her back. "I forgot to t-take those illogical painkillers this morning."

She forced herself to try to raise up again and found that she was successful, turning towards the side of her bed to rise to her feet. She felt dizzy and the aching increased as soon as she had. It was so much that she had to walk over to a wall to support herself for a few moments as she tried to force the black spots out of her vision.

She walked away from the wall as she gently braced her ribs, going over to her desk and opened the bottle that contained her pain-meds. She had meant to take them this morning along with the other meds that she takes daily for both her anxiety and brain. Though, her doctor had told her to wait 30 minutes to an hour at least after she took her usual medication to lessen the potential for any side effects, which was sadly the timeframe just after she had a major anxiety attack and spent the better part of the morning in the bathroom.

After she had inserted the tablet in her mouth and washed it down with water, she leaned on her desk as the pain in her ribs seemed to start to go away even just slightly. Their persistent ache, though, reminded her that it was also probably time for her to change out her bindings around midsection and the bandages over the bruise on her head, finding herself dreading the thought of it due how to painful it probably was going to be from having to do them by herself.

That was before she stiffened when she heard a random ding sound aloud, looking over in confusion at her door. She knew that signaled that she had a visitor, which the thought confused her even more since she hardly if ever had someone visit her in this manner.

She barely even made it to that side of the room before she realized who it was, stopping mid-step with eyes widened slightly in disbelief.

Wait is that?

"Hellloooo! Asher!" She heard the girl call out from the screen.

"Saten…" Asher mumbled, seeing the video image of the girl in question pop onto the live camera feed. "What is she doing here? Wasn't she and Uiharu going out with Mikoto and-"

She paused before a small sigh came from under her breath.

Kuroko, she thought as her eyes fell slightly. She must have sent her to check on me after what happened this morning.

She stood there for a few moments before she walked over to the intercom, taking a moment to think of what she should do.

If she let her in, that would lead to her having to talk about what happened yesterday from just the bruises on the side of her face alone. That didn't even include the discussion on what was bothering her since Saten tended to able to read her about as well as Shirai and even Misaka could.

She could also just not let her in and pretend that she wasn't there. With Shirai not here, there wasn't any way that Saten could get passed the desk to her knowledge.

What should I do? She wondered as she stood there frozen.

With her mind running back her nightmare over and over again.

["I'm just done…I can't keep going through this with you anymore, Zierdan." She said under her breath as some semblance of shock came over Asher's face. "I've been there for you countless times and each one ends with me being the one who gets hurt the most. While you're sitting there always using me to get rid of your own heartache, do you ever stop to think how much doing that is affecting me? How much I must hide for your sake in which you constantly, purposefully ignore for your own benefit? It hurts and angers me so much so that sometimes I regret…"

"That I even became friends with you in the first place."]

I know that wasn't real.

I kn-know it would be illogical to think that Mikoto and even the others would ever think that about me, but what happens if there's actually some logic in those words that my mind is trying to ignore?

What if what I've dealt with so much in my life up until now really is too much for someone to bare?

They try not to show it when I'm around, but I know Mikoto, Miss Yomikawa, and even Misaki haven't been the same since that day. And I've barely scratched the surface when it comes to telling Kuroko, Uiharu and Saten in comparison.

They didn't seem too overwhelmed by what I've already told them but….

["It won't be long before you lose the others just as you have me. And when it happens, don't blame anyone but yourself for it."]

She could feel her anxiety rising every moment she allowed her mind to think more and more into this. And there was no one that was there right in front of her who could help her center her thoughts and stop the inevitable from happening.

It was also at this time that the worst kind of feeling washed over her senses that only compounded the intensity of her anxiety even more. Her heart started to pump so hard that it felt like all of her blood was starting to rush up into her head, while her body and mind were starting to panic over the fluctuations that told her there was some type of danger near when she knew or more accurately believed that there wasn't anything anywhere either in her vicinity or in the 7th District.

D-Damn i-it, she thought as she bent some of her weight onto to the wall and clutched her chest.

I-It happened again. I couldn't catch it in time.

She could feel that her anxiety was about to boil over again for the 2nd time that day, finding herself unable to calm down by herself as she tried her best to do so. Saten was all but forgotten at that moment as it felt like the world was starting to collapse around her as she tried to walk away from the wall that held basically all her weight. She was beginning to lose all perception of what was happening around her as she tried her best to force the last bit of her brain power to focus her thoughts on to moving to the bathroom.

She stopped, however, when one voice was able to break through the chaos happening inside of her mind.

"Asher," She heard Saten call out in a low voice. "I know you're there and probably have been this entire time. You're the kind of person who tries to analyze a situation first before saying a word on most occasions, so I'm not surprised or hurt that you're not saying anything. It's enough to know that you're listening at least, though I do hope that this won't be one sided the whole time, since I honestly do want to come up there and see you face to face. From all that Misaka and Shirai told me and Uiharu this morning, you had a rough night and probably as bad of a morning too from what it sounds like."

Saten paused for a while as silence filled Asher's ears, with the gravity esper finding herself steadily calming down even when her friend had stopped talking. She didn't know how or why it had happened so easily, but she was able to ground herself with the soft tremor of Saten's voice, with her ears hanging on to her every word as she looked down at the floor.

"I had it in mind that when I got here, I was going to scold you like I had never scolded anyone before. I was furious, upset, and…hurt after I heard about what happened. I nearly thought I had felt the same when it came to how you didn't want me and Uiharu there with you after something like that, but it took me almost seconds to realize that I was upset and angry with the people who thought it was okay to hurt you like that. And upset with myself that I hadn't checked on you sooner than now. I should've' known that something was wrong when you didn't message me back this morning. I'm sorry that I didn't come any sooner than this."

Asher's eyes widened in surprise.

Why is she the one apologizing? She wondered, finding it illogical for such a thing to happen considering Asher herself was at fault for everything that Saten had just said.

She didn't have much time to think on it, though, before Saten continued.

"Haha, knowing you, you're probably thinking I'm being illogical right now for apologizing for something I had no hand in doing. But what you don't realize is that isn't the main reason why I am." Saten stated as she learned herself against the wall next to her to be closer to the speaker. "I get it, okay? I understand that you want to be by yourself, Asher, but you know that I know how dark and long that road is to travel alone. I may sound like a hypocrite right now, but you can't shut down like this before you even come to us. And I may not understand what it feels like to feel powerless as a Level 5 esper. But do you ever wonder how it compares to a Level 0 wanting power when she knows that she can't have any no matter what she does? Wanting so much to help her friends in any way she can, but believes that she can't do anything but be a burden to those around her whenever she tries?..."

"You, Misaka, Shirai, and even Uiharu can do all these amazing things either with something like Judgment or your esper abilities. And then there's me, a useless level 0 who can hardly do anything but stand there. I was so desperate to take that Level Upper that day that nothing else mattered as long as I knew I would be able to help my friends and not be a burden to them in the end. Even when someone tried to tell me otherwise, I was too stubborn to listen to them even though she opened herself up to someone who didn't deserve to see a side of her she hardly ever shows to anyone else. On that very same day, I lied to her, telling her I was fine when she probably knew that I wasn't, probably blaming herself in the end that she wasn't there to stop me from doing something that I would regret, even now..."

"Even if you've already forgiven me, please, let me do something to make it up to you. I want you to know that I'm here for you and want you to feel comfortable with talking to me and telling me what's wrong, but I can't do that down here, Asher. So please, let me be able to come up there to see that you're okay and help you get up to the point where you actually feel okay."

Asher's hand was hovering in front of the intercom at this point, hesitating on whether to press to talk, disable the feed, or just allow the girl to come up here. She didn't want her to see her in such a vulnerable state, but she also would be lying to herself to not acknowledge that she wanted to talk to her at the same time for a reason she couldn't understand.

She nearly leaned to disabling the feed due to her fear of losing her friend being slightly higher than her desire in having her in here with her, but she stopped when she heard Saten suddenly continue speaking again.

"Also, you may or may not know this, but there's something going on with Misaka that none of us can figure out." She said, prompting Asher to stiffen. "Ever since she and Shirai told us about what happened with you, she's just hasn't seemed like herself ever since. One moment she seemed fine, but the next she looked just depressed, shaky, and I guess…haunted from whatever she was thinking about that was probably related to you. We think that you're the only person who can figure out what's wrong, and that's most likely the reason why she's trying her best to avoid you in any way that she can."

Asher stood there for a few moments before a long sigh came out from her mouth as she raised a hand up to the back of her neck and squeezed it tightly. She found that in just the few minutes that Saten had started talking, her mind had calmed down enough for nearly all the panicked feelings she had felt before move into the back of her mind.

It was both a good and bad thing to happen as it easily allowed worry to settle in its place of there being something wrong with her close friend.

Some part of her had thought that Misaka was just upset with her, something that she still believed to be true regarding whatever Saten was talking about.

But…

If there was even the slightest chance that something else was wrong and bothering Misaka in some way, she found it illogical for her to ignore and not try to help. Misaka meant the world to her, more so than some illogical fear of finding out that the Electromaster saw her as too much of a burden to not have her help her or Shirai with the Skill-Out case.

She didn't allow her mind to think more on the fact as she raised her finger to press the button to allow Saten onto the elevator, disabling the feed just as quickly to prevent the girl from somehow coaxing her to speak before she was able to mentally prepare for her arrival.

Even though it was a bad habit of hers that her friends wanted her to stop doing, she was trying her best right then to push her feelings into the background in hopes Saten wouldn't see past her stoicness.

Anything that involved Misaka in her eyes was more important even if she herself was in the equation.

Maybe if she could, she could alleviate Saten's worries regarding her physical and mental health now and instead focus on just Misaka.

Seeing her closest friend as the priority even if it was illogical in some way…


The doors of the elevator opened as Saten stepped off. She had to move to the side as some Tokiwadai girls came in. She ignored their looks of confusion and surprise and promptly walked in the direction that she knew Asher's room to be in.

Some part of her was shocked that Asher had decided to allow her to come up to her room. She hadn't fully believed that her hunch was correct in the fact that Asher was this comfortable to allow her to see her in her current condition and headspace.

She knew that if she hadn't been careful enough with her words that anything could have happened, however.

Not bringing Uiharu along was probably the right call, she thought as her eyes fell slightly.

Asher not only needs to know that she isn't alone, but also that someone can truly understand her feelings. Uiharu might not be as high of a level as she, Misaka, and Shirai are, but Judgment is enough for her to feel useful and makes up for that fact.

Asher, however, probably thinks she's useless due to both her injuries and believing that Misaka and Shirai don't need her help with their investigation.

It didn't take long for her to arrive to room 206. She stood there for a long while and just stared up at the door.

She was hesitating, finding herself remembering how fast things went downhill the last time Asher was cornered like this.

["Just…stop trying to understand me. It will only lead you to constantly pitying me, worrying over me, or…just dissenting my existence entirely. I'm not worth that much for the each of you to do this, because what happened shouldn't mean anything to any of you. I'm the one who screwed up my life and will never be able to live without that hanging over my head. So just do like everyone else does and just try to forget that I exist. Don't allow yourselves to be hurt for my sake." She continued, looking over her shoulder with a stoic expression on her face. "All I am to most people is an emotionless person who has little regard for anyone's feelings which must actually be accurate to some extent from how many times I hear it. Logically meaning that someone like me should have…no one that trusts them and wants them in their lives."]

She stood there before she let out a small breath to calm her nerves and raised her hand to knock on the door.

No, it won't happen. Asher won't try to leave this time, she thought as she lightly tapped on the door's surface.

If she tries, I'll be able to convince her to come back. The only reason she left last time was because she felt like all of us were either against her or too in over our heads at wanting to understand her life.

She was afraid that she was going to force us to have to choose between wanting to know the truth from her or believing that everything they had heard about her was right, deciding to instead make the decision for us that she thought would be the best for our sakes.

She tries not to show how truly sensitive she is in these types of situations or show how easily she can get hurt.

Her stepfather prevented her from learning how to feel comfortable with who she is or how to understand her own feelings, so it makes sense why she decides to do things like this and hide out and brood inside of her room for her to be the only one who sees herself like that.

Maybe after this, I can somehow get her to feel more comfortable talking to us than just Misaka about any of her issues.

Before too long, she heard the door creak open…

Feeling the world stop as soon as she raised her head and made eye contact with the girl inside.


Word Count of Chapter: 10038 |Page Count: 18 pages |Reviews: 214 | Followers: 118 |Favorites: 102


AN: *Sigh*

Okay so, this is lately where I typically try and predict when the current arc (which is Big Spider right now for example) is probably going to end. Whoever is reading this chapter, however, most likely knows at this point that those estimations are fairly off at times.

I say that all to say (or more accurately ask), how is the current pacing for Big Spider right now?

Since I'm writing out the chapters mostly in real time based off notes I try to make before I make the chapters themselves, they can end up being vastly different than I plan due to how much I like to write at times or if a storyline pops into my head I want to go with.

Though, if I'm going too slow right now, I'll try to speed things up to get Big Spider done hopefully during the next chapter (45) and maybe a little into 46 if need be. If my pacing is alright then, I'll just go on with what I'm planning as usual which may end up being the same where Big Spider is done by Chapter 46.

The only thing I know for sure is that Big Spider and Poltergeist will not be as long as the Level Upper Arc had been. I want to get to both Poltergeist and Sisters' as quickly as I can, but I don't want to rush to get there. The same could be said that I don't want to drag things out for too long either.

Well, before I go, here's an update on the name poll: "Sora" currently remains in first place. Though, the tie between "Rehsa" and "Sky" has been broken, where "Rehsa" edges out "Sky" and is behind "Sora" by just 1. This makes "Sky" in third, while "Ame" is a couple votes behind it in fourth. There's still time to vote if you'd like to participate. However, if you want to remain neutral or want to know when the poll results will be finalized, it will end some time during the Poltergeist arc:)


Review Replies

JintoLin:

Chapter 41

Yeah the Railgang just so happens to attract trouble wherever they go. I wonder who's worse, the Railgang or Touma?

Kurozuma did probably come at the right time. If Misaka had been able to turn off the Capacity Down System or Sky had decided to surface completely, either outcome probably wouldn't have ended well on Big Spider's end.

Sky was mostly trying to calm Asher down due to her being in an enough distress for her to resurface even just a little bit. Though, if Asher was pushed any further, there was a chance that she would've surfaced even more, and Sky probably wouldn't have been as lenient.

Shirai may know about Asher's brain damage, but she doesn't have a lot of experience in seeing the full extent of how it affects her. She hadn't known about Asher's face blindness, so you're right in the fact that she wasn't prepared to handle the situation. Shirai is memorable enough that Asher hasn't ever had any problems in forgetting anything about her until this moment.

Chapter 42

The question of "who is the real Asher" is interesting. You could say that they're both Asher, but at the same time they're not "Asher" completely. That will be gone over in later chapters.

Though, one thing I'll say is that Sky still doesn't really like Misaka at all. She respects that she has been one of the closest people in Asher's life, but still doesn't like or respect her enough to call her by name.

Misaka x Asher and Sky x Saten is kind of the best of both worlds. Their personalities are different enough that they could be picked a part fairly easily after a while. Though, I don't know. It would be kind of difficult to split one body between two people.

The Missing Amps are fairly important. Since they're specialized for Asher's particular disability, she's the only one who uses them within Academy City at the moment. The question is who would want them enough to steal even though they can't really use them for themselves?

I agree that Shokuhou shows more compassion for Asher than she most likely does with other people. They may not vocalize it all that much, but I would say they're friends…sort of. They're a lot more civil than Misaka's relationship with Shokuhou in comparison, that's for sure.

Chapter 43

Yeah, Misaka could've taken the time to come up with a better plan. Though, she isn't really known for being a patient person sadly. From this chapter, Misaka does know that Asher truly wasn't okay with the decision but has no clue as to why she lied and said that she was. Due to her own emotions, though, she's not thinking rationally enough to go and make amends now before finishing the investigation with Big Spider.

Haha, the café meet up time was supposed to be 11AM during the day after the night of July 31st. That was a mistake that I didn't catch before I uploaded. Thanks to your review, I fixed it right away.

Big Spider, Poltergeist, and even Sisters' are going to focus on Sky's and Asher's dynamic with each other. And because of that, more of their history and relationship will be gone over in later chapters.

Even if it's logical that Asher sits out for a while to rest and recover, she's more or less stressed thinking that Misaka is either disappointed or upset with her in some way. She currently has no memory of what happened other than what she was told when Misaka and Shirai had explained the situation to Heaven Canceller at the hospital. And you're right, everything that Silas did to her is still there. It may be lessened after all the time she has had with her friends, but it will probably never go away completely due to the damage he's already done.

Ha, Asher cares for Misaka dearly but she tends to not miss on the chance for calling out her actions when she (Asher) knows she's (Misaka) is being hypocritical. This was something that even Shirai had tried to forewarn her about during this chapter (43). So it will probably be only a matter of time when Sisters' starts that she gets the "rest before you destroy your body" talk thrown back into her face.


Blankow: I wonder what we need more hope for, seeing Yomikawa adopt Asher at the end of the Sisters' Arc or if we're going to make it to Sisters' before my next semester of college starts at the end of August T.T. The world may never know…

Since the Level Upper Arc focused more on Asher's issues, it's time to start showing off Misaka's issues more, considering Asher is more or less nearing the acceptance stage with some of it. I did sort of take Misaka's arc in a different direction since I thought it would be a little bit more interesting to see her struggles/issues a little earlier than Poltergeist and Sisters.'

You're right, Touma would've probably been a huge help for either Asher or Misaka during this, but he sadly hasn't "met" them yet.

Kuroko may be perverse and unprofessional at the wrong times, but she's still an all around great character/friend all things considered. She definitely deserves to be MVP after being caught in the middle of two Level's 5s "arguing." If Asher is by herself in her room when she has or knows she's about to have anxiety attack, the bathroom tends to be the place she goes to calm down by grounding herself to the sound of the shower since it reminds her of rain.

Hmmm, a "Touma Therapy Session" is probably needed after this version of the Sisters' Arc. If the Railgang is involved, they may also need to participate as well.

Everything may not be fine now, but Saten is here to save the day…hopefully. Her Level 6 esper ability should never be underestimated.


Bornkiller9: Thanks! Misaka is sort of to blame for how Asher is currently feeling, though both her pride and fear are preventing her from acknowledging it. At the same time, Asher is indirectly responsible for how Misaka is feeling right now, though isn't fully aware of why that's the case. Thankfully, Saten has come to the rescue to hopefully fix the misunderstanding on Asher's end.


LostNeko120: Sorry for the emotional rollercoaster T.T. It's going to slow down after a while. Asher is still trying to get better at relying on others, but Misaka not being around is making it hard for her to commit to it at the moment. Asher has started to get passed what happened during WaveInflux, but hardly anyone has really noticed how much the project has affected Misaka who's more or less trying to forcefully push passed what happened than allowing herself to accept it. Let's just call it the calm before the storm known as the Sisters' arc.

Saten has come to the rescue, so maybe Shokuhou doesn't need to get involved just yet.

With the confusing bit in the story, Yomikawa was just joking around mostly with Misaka and Shirai by calling them "lovebirds" when Shirai wouldn't stop trying to hug Misaka.

You're welcome and thanks! I'll add the recommendations that you have listed to the shipping bag.


LightningSlayer: Aw wow! It's always nice to see that someone likes this story so much to reread it again:`)

I'm going to try to go back through it these next few months for some minor edits and typos to make it even better.


Thanks for your reviews!

-PurpleClover99