Don't be too mad at them. They're just... figuring it out as they go!

Thanks for all the love on the last chapter! you guys are the best. Don't forget to read and review! I love hearing everyone's theories and emotions as they read the chapters!


Since I ended things with Bella, my life has been fucking garbage.

I'm sourer than milk that's sat outside all fucking summer.

My dad fucking hates me again, Jasper isn't talking to me, and Victoria's already on my dick. And it's only been three days.

"What happened?" my dad asks one morning.

I stomp my way down the stairs, tear open the fridge, grab some milk, and slam the door shut.

"Nothing."

"Did you and Isabella break up?"

"Jesus fuck, dad. We were never—"

"Okay, son. Take a breath. Do you need to make an emergency call to your therapist? I can excuse you from school."

Truth is, I've been excusing myself all week.

"I'm good."

I've already decided I'm fucking done with therapy after she told me I've taken a few steps backwards. What the fuck does she know anyways.

When I come back to school, Victoria's the only one happy to see me, so I go with it.

"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?" Vic asks, running her hand down my chest and smiling into my shoulder.

Bella's not around, but I don't want Vic. Period. So I peel her grubby fingers off my shirt and slam my locker shut.

"I'm grounded." It's not a lie, I really am, but I could also sneak out if I really wanted to… but I don't. Not with her.

And then Dim calls me on a Friday night. Aro's making a mess in Seattle. He's gotten Charlie Swan to head everything while he sits back and collects the money. Getting shot in the leg was the best thing that could have happened to him. And Charlie Swan is too fucking dumb to realize he's the pawn in all of this.

"I need you to send Charlies fucking Swan a god damn message. For good!" Dim seethes through the phone. His teeth sound clenched, and I can practically feel his saliva through the phone.

"Tell me what you want specifically."

"Knock him out," he says furiously. "Make him fucking bleed, Edward. Send. A. Message."

I sigh and hang up. Dim's losing it, he's becoming more impulsive in his decisions to attack. But I follow the order no matter how ridiculous.

When I call J, there's no answer. I didn't expect there to be. So I drive over to the Swan's house and hope to fuck Bella's not there.

What I'm about to do to her dad isn't going to be pretty.

His piece of shit sits in the gravel driveway.

Knowing the door is always unlocked, I don't knock.

"The fuck are you doing here?" Charlie asks.

There's a bunch of bullshit sitting on the old table. Cleaning supplies, containers, sponges. Shit to make whatever he and Aro are producing.

"The fuck is wrong with you? Do you have a death warrant?" I ask from my place in the doorway.

Charlie swings first but he's two sheets to the wind and clumsy. I almost laugh as I step out of the way.

"Is she home, Charlie?" I ask, rolling my eyes as he stumbles into the wall. This is going to be so easy I don't even need Jasper.

"You're fucking her, aren't you?" he slurs. "You're fucking that little whore. I know you are. Aro says so."

"Is she home?" I ask again, raising my voice.

"You can have her. She's a dirty little bitch anyways. Just like her mother. So fucking stupid. Dumb cunt—"

My fist connects with his jaw and I'm pretty sure I feel bone crunch against bone.

Charlie stumbles back and collapses on the table.

"Is she home?" I scream into his ear, gripping the neck of his shirt, pushing him into the table.

He just laughs. "Aro's upstairs with her now."

Fury burns inside me, and I toss him into the cupboards before taking the stairs four at a time until I get to her room, enter the code to her door, and it's empty.

That mother fucking—

I fly down the stairs and find the kitchen vacant. His car still sits outside, so I walk onto to the porch and call Jasper.

Over and over and over and over until he finally picks up.

I tell him I need him now but I already know where he is.

I make it to Alice's in record time.

It takes fucking forever, no matter how many times I beep. I'm about to barge in, but when I open the door J's right there.

"She here?" I whisper.

"Yeah."

"You told her not to fucking come home?"

"Yeah." He's still pissed at me.

"And she'll listen?"

"Yes!"

We make it back to the house in no time, and I fill J in on everything.

Everything happens so fucking fast.

Charlie's in his car trying to get it to start. Jasper's out of my car before it's even in park. Jasper's pulling Charlie out of his beater and onto the porch. He's on his hands and knees, scurrying but he's so fucked up he can't get his balance. My fingers grip his hair and haul him inside. Jasper slams the door shut.

This is such a filthy neighborhood that no one cares or thinks twice about the cries of agony coming from inside.

His jaw swells from my earlier punch, but that's nothing compared to what happens next.

All I see is black. All I hear is his statement earlier.

Aro's upstairs with her now.

"You want your daughter to be raped?" I scream, kicking his ribs. "What kind of piece of shit father are you?"

My next kick connects with his mouth just as Charlie swings his body.

Blood pours from his mouth and there's a good possibility he's missing teeth.

"Better than," Charlie gasps, "getting fucked by," another pant, "either of you."

I can't help but laugh.

I don't know why, and I regret it the fucking second it comes out of my stupid fucking mouth, but I lean down close to him, his breaths are weak and labored and he looks horrific, and then I tell him the worst lie I've ever uttered, "too late."

His face turns from pained to enraged.

As if getting raped by Aro would be preferrable over fucking either me or Jasper.

But then J pushes me back and punches me in the ribs. Twice.

His eyes are intense, and he shakes his head in disgust.

Yeah, I know shit head. I fucked up.

Jasper walks back to Charlie, talks low in his ear, and stands back as Charlie hobbles out the door.

"The fuck?" I ask.

"The fuck is right, Cullen. Do you even know—" Jasper pauses to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Do you even know what you just did? What's going to happen now? You told him you fucked Bella? You're so fucking stupid, Edward."

Jasper brushes past me and searches random closets in the house.

"Help me find a mop!" he screams.

"Why?"

He gestures to the puddles of blood and spit in the kitchen. "You really want Bella coming home and having to clean up your mess again?"

Fuck.

We're cleaning for an hour, almost done, when the endorphins lower and guilt sets in.

"He doesn't believe me," I say, trying to convince myself. "He knows—"

"He knows everything," Jasper says. "And he's going to tell Aro. And do you know what that psychopath is going do when he hears?"

I shake my head. "No."

Jasper looks me dead in the eye. "Neither do I."

And it's the most terrifying thing he's ever said.

~!~

I lay low the next few weeks. My dad grounds me for life when Charlie shows up in the emergency room and I've got swollen knuckles.

He's a smart guy, my dad, and I don't even have it in me to deny anything.

"How long?" I ask, knowing I was previously grounded before this little incident, I can only imagine what my sentence will be this time.

"How long what, Edward?"

"How long am I grounded?"

My dad looks up from his journal on his desk in his office. "Forever."

~!~

Christmas Eve hurts.

I fucking miss her, and being around Alice who won't shut the fuck up about her makes it even worse.

But I keep her in my room, encouraging her to drink more, so she can give me the details. Jasper doesn't say shit.

We had a heart to heart about everything two days after the incident with Charlie.

"You're so dumb for breaking up with her, Edward. Why are you so god damn self-destructive?"

Normally, I'd defelct. I'd ask why he is, but I take it all. "I have to protect her," I answer honestly, simply.

"You're hurting her."

Quiet sets over me like an uncomfortable blanket. "I'm protecting her," I tell him again but also try to convince myself.

Jasper regards me like I'm the most moronic person in the universe. And I am. I fucking am.

"You're going to get her killed, Edward. What you said to Charlie—"

"Don't you think I know that!" I spit angrily. "It was a mistake—"

"A very costly mistake."

J and I smoke in silence after this. We're at a standstill.

Until he makes a joke about Jake Black and the girl he knocked up.

~!~

I'm able to sneak out New Years Eve. J tells me about some party in Port A. He drives with Alice and Bella, and I don't want to make them uncomfortable, so I go with Vic… and what a fucking horrible mistake that is.

The party is popping. People grind and dance and pretty much fuck each other in dark corners. There's three kegs throughout the house, and Vic's on her fourth cup by eleven.

She sits on my lap and spills beer on my shirt. She and Lauren giggle. Both crawl to their knees, pulling up my shirt. One of them has a hand on my belt before I still it.

"No," I tell them.

"Come on, baby. Let us make you feel good."

Lauren's smile doesn't even reach her eyes. She sluts around like it's her fucking job. The old me wouldn't hesitate to pull my cock out and slam it down her throat, but tonight I'm just disgusted.

And then the memory of Bella filters through.

"There we go," Vic giggles, caressing the semi in my jeans.

Her touch is cold and rotted like a corpse.

I lean forward so our faces are so close I can smell her sour breath. Vic's dead eyes shine with the littlest of light. She thinks I'm going to kiss her.

"No," I tell her again slower, firmer. "Just because I'm bored enough to hang out with you doesn't mean you're ever going to get my dick again. Do you understand?"

She leans back. "Why?" she slurs. "Is it because that fat bitch sat on it and—"

I stand abruptly and she falls back.

My eyes cut deeper than my words ever could. I'd be wasting my breath, so I choose to leave them.

It pays to be popular. As I walk aimlessly through the halls, I find some people I know and catch up with them. But I'm not really into the conversation. Instead, I'm watching Bella walk through the hallway. She's a zombie and it kills me.

There's a sea of people, and while I'm taller than most, she's too numb to see anything.

I know the feeling. I've been there so many fucking times.

My heart aches, but I'm doing this for her.

She stands in line for the keg.

Jasper told me earlier she's higher than she's ever been. She smoked a whole joint herself.

The joint I rolled for her.

I'm doing this for her.

From the gift I picked out and bought for her, given to her by Jasper because I fucking know she wouldn't take shit from me.

I'm doing this for her.

It reminded me of her. Delicate, beautiful, tough.

My toes tingle to walk towards her. My fingers itch to run through her silky brown hair.

But I root myself like a fucking weeping willow because I'm doing this for her.

If Dim or Aro or whoever the fuck else were to get to her because of me, I would—

"Yo." J claps me on the back and swings Alice around. She's light as feather and drunk from the beer, so she actually gives me a hug. It's stiff and weird, but it's an acceptance I never thought I'd get again.

"Sup?" I ask over the beat of the music.

"She good?" Jasper asks as we watch Bella make her way out of the back door.

How the fuck would I know?

It's like he's teasing, but it's not so funny tonight.

We break away, it's ten till midnight, and I walk to the back door. Outside, on the steps of the wooden deck, Bella smiles.

She fucking lifts her lips and it reaches her eyes.

The double beating of my heart slows to a near stop when I see the fucker responsible.

Alistair.

God fucking damnit.

~!~

It's midnight, and he's kissing her.

It's 12:01 and his eyes lift and find mine.

They harden into glassy marbles, angry and determined.

He kisses her harder, firmer, demonstrating a control over her that I no longer have.

But she kisses him back, and it hurts more than I thought it might.

I leave before they break apart.

"Vic, I'm out. You need a ride?" I ask, pulling her apart from Eric in the entry way.

"No," she boils, ripping her arm back.

If it were anyone else but Eric, I'd have Vic hauled over my shoulder and to my car. Just because I don't like Vic, and she pisses me the fuck off, doesn't mean I want her to be taken advantage of. Can't be too fucking careful.

At home, in the quiet darkness of my room, I pull up our old texts and read through. I never deleted them, not even the one I sent earlier this month when she apparently bit it on the ice.

I almost left school to finish Charlie off once and for all, but then Jasper told me the truth. He even told me Bella gave him explicit directions not to say anything.

"Then why the fuck are you?" I sort of laugh, very relieved that he did.

"Because I know you're certifiably insane and didn't want you going to jail for beating her dad to death."

J's a real one, that's for sure.

I write out a text.

Happy New Year.

And then I delete it. What the fuck would she even say to that?

I miss you.

That one I almost send. God, I'm such a pussy.

My dad calls at 12:41 am.

"Checking in, daddio?"

He's silent for a beat, no doubt listening for voices, laughter, noise, anything.

"Just calling to wish you a Happy New Year, son. I've been trying to get through, but then there was an emergency. Some guy blew his finger clean off lighting a firework."

"Some people are fucking—"

"Watch it, Edward. Just because you're almost 18 doesn't mean you can—"

"I've been saying fuck since I was 12."

He's lighter tonight, so I play with the fire more than I have been.

"Yes, and you were reeling from the death of your mother. We were all acting out, weren't we?"

This is new.

"And how were you acting out, dad?" I ask.

"I, uhm, I—" but then he pauses, someone talks in he background. "Hey, I have to get back to work. I do need to speak with you though."

"Okay," I tell him with a shrug.

I'm sure it's another punishment, so I don't give it another thought.

~!~

I'm on my way to Dim's with Jasper when my dad texts.

Where are you? I thought you agreed to sit down and talk with me?

He's being fucking weird. You didn't sat a date. When are you available. I'll see if I can pencil you in.

Ha-ha. Very funny, Edward.

That's it.

That was easy.

Jasper and I shoot the shit and tease each other back and forth until I can't help but bring her up.

"How'd her date with Alistair go?" I ask quietly.

Jasper sighs. "She likes the prick. I don't know why."

Yeah, you and me both.

"He treat her right?" I ask.

"I don't know, dude. Why don't you fucking ask her?"

Exacerbated, I sigh. "You know I fucking cant, J. Fuck. Just tell me."

He shakes his head in defiance. "Nah. You can ask Alice for the romantic gossip."

He gives me the silent treatment, and I sit stoic, arms crossed, like a kid whose mom told him he can't get candy at the store.

"You know she got waitlisted?" he says out of no where.

"What?"

No fucking way.

"UDub. She wasn't accepted."

"No fucking shit." A heavy breath falls from my lips. Sorrow weighs me down. "Why?"

"No idea."

He's only giving me enough to keep me afloat.

"Fuck," I whisper testily.

Jasper looks over at me and sort of snuffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. He's so fucking annoying.

Immediately, I'm emailing the admissions counselor who's been hounding me about accepting placement with the University of Washington.

Hi, yes, I do have some questions. Can we schedule a phone call or in person visit ASAP?

Thanks,

Edward Cullen.

~!~

Dim's house is… Dim's house.

Mostly business, very little pleasure.

A few weeks back, we found out Seth's been working with Aro and Charlie. I'm so over Dim sitting on his laurels. He send us to do his fucking dirty work, and it isn't cutting. My tone is snippy and irritable, and it's not met kindly.

When Dim threatens me, I almost fucking wish he would. But then I remember how crazy he is so I back down. Then I suggest we send in a mole, tear them down from the inside. Dim thinks about it, claiming it as his own idea, but whatever.

Am I volunteering? Anything to get it done faster. I want to be done with them so I can get back with…

And then my thought stops.

What do I honestly expect to happen? Is Bella going to take me back? Is she going to forgive the second time I cut her out as easily as she did the first?

Just after dinner, when we're ready to head the fuck home, Dim brings up Bella.

Jasper, pissed off, walks around the car while I sweet talk us out of here. Dim makes some crude comments and I do my best to save face and fit in.

On the way home, we talk about Bella's pussy.

Well, we talk about going down on girls, and I have to explain why we never did… that.

At home, I jerk off thinking about what it might have been like to actually taste Bella.

~!~

The next few weeks pass quickly. Mostly because I'm high and don't even know what day it is, really. I smoke before school, I smoke during school, I smoke after school.

I'm bored as fuck and text J to hang, but he's on a double date or some shit with his girl, Bella, and that fucking asshole.

I roll a fat joint and smoke it. Then I take two shots of Jack. I don't even want to know Bella's name by the end of the night.

I'm well on my way there when my door opens. At first I think it's my dad, but then dirty blonde hair peeks in and he nods his head in greeting.

"Didn't think you'd show," I say dully. But I'm glad he did.

He drops the bottle of Jack into the garbage bin next to my bed and sits next to me.

"We playin' or what, fucker?"

We're quiet the rest of the night save for some laughs when I fuck up his car in the game. He falls asleep on my couch and I don't even know how I make it to my bed.

I wake suddenly with a start. My chest beats rapidly. Something's wrong. I don't recall a bad dream, but it's the same feeling as when I do remember.

My phone vibrates next to me.

8:24 am.

Four missed calls from Jasper.

An alert of a wrong code to Bella's door at 7:52 am.

I dial J.

"Get here," is all he needs to say.

I make it there in four minutes.

"He tried to break into her window," Jasper says, walking back from his shed. "She called me. Said he was in her house. She could hear him downstairs, walking quietly up the stairs, and pounding on her door when he couldn't open it with a code. Then he tried getting in through her window, but it wouldn't open. That's when she called me. He almost got to her, Edward. He saw me speeding down the street and tore off in his car. He's in a walking cast, so he's mobile."

"Fuck."

"He could have—" Jasper can't even finish the thought. "We need to call the police. We need to tell someone. She can't—"

"She won't want you to. She wants to finish out the year and leave. Forever. If you call, they'll place her in foster care. They'll take her away."

"Good!" he yells in the middle of the street. "Fucking good, dude. She needs to get the fuck out of here. Someone is trying to rape her. We're just going to let it happen?"

"What does she want to do?" I ask after a minute.

He looks at me and rolls his eyes. Jaspers annoyance has peeked. He can't take much more.

"You know exactly what she wants to do."

Nothing. She wants to do nothing.

"I can get a window alert. A door alert. I'll fucking solder it shut if I have to."

"That's a ridiculous solution to an easy fix. Why does no one want her safe?" It's a valid point so I nod.

"Jasper, do what you think needs to be done. I don't… I don't have anymore pull or say or anything." It's a cop out, and he knows.

His teeth grind angrily and he turns on his heel. "Figure something out for the window. Immediately," he calls, jogging back into the house where I know she is.

Inside.

Not many people make it inside Jasper Hale's house.

And that's how I know how much he actually cares about her.

~!~

I spend the day pacing and researching and driving to any hardware store around.

You still have her? I wanna install this alert system on her window.

Yep.

Inside, her house is perfect. Aro only wanted her. Aro wanted her enough to try the lock on her door.

How would he know the lock combination? How would he have confidence enough to try it? And then get pissed off when it didn't work.

Suddenly, I'm calling Jasper.

"Yeah?"

"Let me talk to her."

There's silence before he says, "no."

"I'm not fucking around, dude. I need to—" but I pause, collect myself, and take a breath. "How did he get a combination?" I ask quickly. "Someone must have given it to him."

There's a shuffling before he says, "you're on speaker."

Cotton fills my mouth and I'm suddenly nervous.

"Hey, did you hear me? I said you're on—"

"I heard," I tell him calmly, sitting at the chair of Bella's desk. "Uhm, hello?"

Nothing. Silence.

Of course.

There's a small sniffle, but that's all.

"Bella," I breathe softly. It feels good to just… know she hears me. "Bella, how did he get the combination?"

More silence, more sniffles, more shuffling.

"I mean, obviously he didn't have it because he didn't get in. But how did he think he had the combination? Did Charlie see you enter it?"

I pause thinking she wasn't going to answer, but she whispers, "no."

"Okay," I say softly. "Are you sure?"

She huffs loudly. "Yes I'm sure!"

Jasper snuffs out a chuckle. I'm sure he's being very encouraging over there.

"What about… anyone else? Alistair? Has he…been… up here?"

God, it kills me to ask.

"You're in there? Right now?" Panic strikes her voice.

"He's getting more alerts," Jasper answers.

Bella calms slightly.

"What a mess it is, too." I try to make a joke, but I don't think it works. No laughs, not even me. "Think hard Bella. Who else could have seen?"

"It's just you, Jasper, and Alice who know the password."

I believe her, honestly. She doesn't have friends let alone visitors. And she's not stupid enough to enter her passcode in front of her dad.

But then she sighs and says, "and one time Alistair came upstairs with me, but it was dark and I don't think he could see. But Alistair wouldn't do that. He doesn't even know Aro or my dad, so what would be in it for him? He must have just been guessing." Bella speaks so quickly, like she's trying to convince herself.

But something doesn't sit right.

Fucking Alistair. He's too fucking nice of a guy. And that's the point. He's too fucking nice. Something isn't adding up.

"I'm installing an alert on your door and your window. The one on the door I'll have off. You can flip the switch to turn it on when you're in there, just in case he somehow finds out the passcode and you don't hear him enter, okay?"

Bella sniffles a lot more and I know she's crying.

"Hey, Bella, it's okay. If he gets in, this mother fucker is so loud Jasper will hear it. The one on the window will be pushed to on always. You never use your window anymore, right?"

"Right."

"Okay. If you need help with it, call me… or J… or whoever. Just… just call someone." I've never sounded so fucking awkward in my life and I hate myself right now.

"Alright dude, thanks. I'll call if I need anything," Jasper says, and I can tell I'm off speaker. I wanted to say goodbye, but it's whatever.

When I get home, it's empty. Thank fuck.

I pass out in my room for the rest of the day.

~!~

Over the next week, my dad's been working doubles, and I've been staying cooped up in my room. Jasper's been running a lot of product since he's trying to edge his way out and save up what he can. It makes it easier on me since my dad's sort of watching me like a hawk.

That Friday night, after a nap when I got home from school, my dad greets me in the kitchen.

"We need to talk," my dad says seriously.

He's dressed casually in designer jeans and a sweater. His hair isn't as gelled slick as it would be normally, and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks… disheveled.

"Okay?"

I follow him back to his office and he shuts the door.

"This is very hard for me to say," he starts, steepling his fingers and closing his mouth. "You must promise me one thing before I start."

To be honest, he's freaking me out. "What's that?"

"You will listen to the entire story before blowing up."

Not much I can do about it until he starts talking, so I agree. "Okay."

"Remember, a man is nothing without his word, Edward."

"Just spit it out, dad. Jesus."

"I loved your mother, Edward. More than anything this life has to offer. More than the money, material items, anything."

"Yeah, and?" This is old fucking news.

"When we first met, she was a patient of mine. She had been badly beaten, hurt so badly I didn't think she'd make it."

Now this… this was news.

"I thought you met through mutual friends?"

He shook his head. "No, that was a story we made up so you wouldn't ask questions."

"Okay, so who fucked her up?"

"Edward, she was… raped."

"What? No she wasn't. Mom wasn't raped."

It's my denial that hurts. He's lived with this fact for over 2 decades. How could they keep this a secret?

"Why did you lie? Why are you telling me this now? Who did it? When—"

"I'll answer everything, Edward. Just…" he trails off, rubbing his fingers against his forehead. "Just listen. Please?"

I nod, but my stomach hurls as he breathes in.

"I haven't talked about this in a very long time," he says before restarting. "She was in very bad shape. Sveral broken rips that punctured her lung, a fractured wrist, her shoulder was out of place, and too many bruises and scrapes to count on two hands. We ran many tests on her, everything came back clear, but she took quite some time to recover. She was in the hospital for just over 6 days. When asked if she wanted to do a rape kit, which swabs her insides for any semen, she agreed. However, she had showered before coming in, and there was nothing. I gave her my personal number, helped her with housing through the women's shelter, and paid for a week long stay in a hotel when they couldn't do anything. I'd visit her after every shift, bring her food, and helped her get in touch with a detective to help track down whoever did this to her."

He takes a break and glances over. I'm good. I mean, I'm pissed, but this happened so long ago that there's nothing that will change it.

"Three weeks later she's back to what she'd call normal, and she's late. I run some bloodwork and turns out she's pregnant."

A ball forms in my throat. "Pregnant?"

"Your mother weighed her options. She thought very briefly about aborting the child, but that wasn't a good fit for her and her morals. I didn't know your mother very well at this time, but she's always been kind, and comforting, and—"

"Good," I offer.

He smiles. "Yes, good. She's always been good. Your mother carried a healthy baby girl to term. She fell into a very deep depression. Severely deep, Edward. And within three weeks, your mother had found two very loving, supportive adoptive parents who were willing to have an open adoption."

"Open adoption?"

"Yes, it's when—"

"I know what it means," I spit. "You mean to tell me mom had a kid and no one ever told me?" I'm livid. I'm more then livid. My blood boils and I'm practically chewing on the bile in my throat. Maybe I'm not livid, but I'm hurt.

"Remember your word, Edward. Let me tell you everything." He pauses and I breathe so heavily I can barely hear. When I say nothing, he continues. "We saw her three times a year for the first five years. We married and had you after that. Your mother… it was very tough for her when you were born. At first, nothing changed. She even brought you with her to visit her daughter. And then you turned two and she stopped. I'm not sure if it was guilt over a child she wanted and planned for versus a child made out of assault… but it hurt her to make choices surrounding her daughter."

"She stopped bringing me or stopped visiting?"

"Both," he admits softly. "Your sister and her adoptive mother moved from Washington to California, and she wasn't able to get time away. She felt guilty leaving you. You were entire world."

"So, what? I should feel guilty? Mom's daughter hates me—resents me—for taking her away?" I'm projecting, but it's how I'm feeling.

"No, no of course not. I mean, you'd have to talk to her about that, but from what I understand, Rosalie is very understanding."

"Rosalie."

Dad nods.

"Why are you telling me all of this? Why now?"

Dad carries on like I didn't just ask the most basic question.

"Your mother and I separated, as you know. The year leading up to that summer was… extremely difficult. I took a promotion leaving me in charge of the entire emergency unit. Your mother felt underappreciated and bored. Life got in the way of things, and I take full responsibility." Dad lowers his head and takes a moment to collect himself. He's never been so candid, so open about this and I don't want to say anything to piss him off or shut him up, so I keep quiet.

"That summer, your mother went to go live with her sister in California. We were taking a break from each other to see if it's something we wanted to do… permanently. Our couple's therapist suggested it, and we followed through. Your mother brought you along and had fully planned to explain all of this to you, Edward. Your aunt lived forty-five minutes from Rosalie and her adoptive mother, and your mom wanted to finally introduce you two. That, obviously, never happened."

"Obviously," I say, rolling my eyes.

"I have exhausted all my resources looking for leads on your mother's murderer, and everything has turned up cold. The private investigator I hired hasn't found anything new in two years, except for who your mother's rapist is."

"Who is it?" It comes out in one clean breath, like one word floating in the thickness in this room.

"That is something Rosalie would like to discuss with you as it is her… biological father."

"Rosalie… wants… she wants to talk… to me?

"Yes, son. If you're okay with it that is. I know that I've told you some pretty powerful secrets, so if you need time or space or don't want—"

"When?"

"Edward, I think it's wise if you took some time to process—"

"I can't believe you." Now I'm standing to pace. Everything's catching up to me and I can't even breathe right. "I've had a sister… and mom was raped… and that day… her murderer…" Thoughts don't quite form into sentences and I'm light headed.

I need to get out of here.

"Edward, sit down. Take a breath."

"No," I tell him, walking away. "I need to get out of here. You're right. I need to process—" My fingers squeeze the strands on my head to feel anything, but I'm numb. I'm numb everywhere but my fucking soul. "Respectfully, I'd like permission to… get the fuck out of here, dad." The last part comes out with a strained, cracked voice.

I fucking hate sounding weak.

My dad stands. "If you don't call me by Sunday, I'll drive over to Jasper's and break his door down, Edward." He's forward and stern and I respect it.

"I'll call."

I don't quite remember grabbing my keys, my phone, or lacing up my shoes.

I don't remember starting the car, driving past the school, or over the tracks.

I don't remember pulling into his driveway, unlocking the shed, or noticing him sitting on the couch.

"Yo, you good?" he asks, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Huh? Oh, uh… no, not really."

"You've bee here like 10 minutes not saying shit. I was about to pour my bong water over your head." Jasper laughs but not because it's funny.

I tell him every detail of what my dad told me. He sits quietly and nods. His responses aren't as vulnerable or expressive as mine, but it's okay. It's what I need. It's why I came.

Jasper's only advice is to repack the bong and hand it over. I almost never use it, but today I say fuck it and take three hits.

I'm fucking out like a light in less than an hour.

~!~

I wake later, like way later. It's dark and cold, and there's a blanket and pillow thrown on me. Jasper turned the heater on, but I turn it up. If he needs money for electric next month, I'll pay the fucking thing.

Outside, it's quiet, peaceful even. My phone tells me it's just after ten, so I'm sure J snuck over to Alice's.

I light a cigarette and inhale half the fucking thing in one breath.

A car pulls up to Bella's and turns off, but it's not her dad. Shrouded in darkness under a tree, I snub out my cigarette before I'm seen.

It's her. She laughs out loud. It's soft but I revel in it.

A tall figure climbs out of the driver's side and walks her up to her house.

He leans down and they kiss. It's easy for them, like they've done it a million times before. It's like a blazing iron rod searing through my chest to burn my heart.

Then they disappear behind her door. No lights turn on inside her home.

Except her bedroom light. Is she being careful? The thing with Aro just happened… did he see the code?

My breath burns my lungs, and I don't exhale until her bedroom darkens. And then there's nothing.

I stay out there for twenty more minutes. No one leaves.

He's staying with her.

Inside, I take another hit and text Dimitri. I shouldn't but I fucking do.

Party tonight?

He sends me the address.

I make it there in a few hours.

On the way, all I can think about it Alistair with Bella. Touching her, tasting her, fucking her.

My knuckles grip the wheel and I need to pound something. Anything.

Someone's face, the road, some chick's pussy.

My therapist would be so disappointed.

My fucking mother would be so disappointed.

I make it to Dim's before I can think about how I'm disappointing myself.

I do two lines and throw my arm over a curvy brunette. Her hair isn't as long, but it'll do for tonight.

Before I know it, we're in a bathroom and she's sucking my dick.

Red lipstick smears against my balls as I force her head down. My grunts match her gags and my dick pulses from the control.

I think about Bella. I'd never be this controlling, painful, mean to her. Even though I fucking need to be. I need this. It feels good. It relaxes me.

I've needed this so fucking bad that I don't feel sorry when I pull out and come on her face.

"I wanted you to fuck me," the brunette whines. Her eyes are dark, so fucking dark. Not at all blue.

I realize it's the dilated pupils that throw everything off.

"Maybe later," I tell her, buttoning up and tossing a rag at the girl who's still on her knees.

I find Dim in his office with a bunch of people. No business, just pleasure tonight. I do two more lines. I have no fucking idea what time it is, and I'm so glad. I don't even know where my phone is.

I haven't felt this good in so long.

A pretty blonde with shoulder length hair and a killer ass catches my eye. She bends over and creamy skin peeks out between denim and cotton. When she stands back up, she can't be any taller than 5'3. No one's near her, and coke has me feeling like a fucking God, so I slide up behind her and breathe her in.

Fresh cotton and…

"Edward?" a voice calls.

My eyes focus a little and I stumble back.

"Oh, fuck."

"Edward, what are you doing here?" Charlotte asks.

A light smile plays on her lips but a look of concern clouds her eyes.

"I'm just… having… fun."

"Where's… shit, what's her name… your girlfr—"

"I don't do girlfriends, Charlotte. Never have, never will."

She smirks and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, okay."

Charlotte and I find a quiet place, which just so happens to me the spare room in the basement.

Bass thumps through the floor upstairs, and all I can find is a bedside lamp, so the room doesn't light up as much as it should but whatever.

"I'm on E," she says with a giggle, her hands running up and down my body.

"Do you have any more?" I ask.

She pulls a tiny pill from a baggie in her pocket and sets it on my tongue. Ecstasy is the absolute best party drug.

She asks about Bella, and I skirt around the topic. Then, she rolls on top of me and kisses me softly.

"Tell me it's okay," she whispers.

I'm too fucked up for this. She's the only female friend I've ever had that I never stuck my dick in. Now… now her pussy rests warmly against me.

"It's okay."

Her kisses turn desperate, and my dick hardens when she shimmies out of her jeans and underwear, dragging herself against the tent in my denim.

"Shiiiit," she moans softly with a smile. She's further ahead of me in this trip, but my skin starts to tingle as she moves slightly above me.

Her hands grip my bicep, my hair, the metal button of my jeans.

This means nothing. She's on E. We're both high. This means nothing.

She pulls her top off and presses my palm against her bare tit. My jeans are around my knees. She's sliding a condom over my length.

This means nothing.

We both gasp when she lowers herself over my dick, to the hilt, and she pulses around me.

"Fuuuuuck," I grunt. It's been so fucking long.

Charlotte giggles.

"Your cock," she moans, sitting up and lowering back down. "Your cock, Edward."

"I know," I whisper. My hand floats to her clavicle, then around her throat. She gasps but doesn't stop me. "Ride me harder."

She obeys and I'm in fucking heaven.

This means nothing.

Charlotte picks up the pace. Her ass bounces against my thighs and when she gets tired, I lift her hips and ram into her from underneath.

She comes greedily, loudly.

I pull out, push her onto her stomach, and enter her from behind.

She pants wordlessly, her pussy grips me tighter, like she's working her magic on me.

I pull out, tear off the condom, and decorate her back with my come.

She giggles and gasps and I look to where her hand plays with her clit.

I watch as she brings herself to the edge and falls over again and again.

We ride out our high, naked and sweaty, until her belly growls the next morning.

I sneak out before Dim can catch me. It's different here in the light of day. I'm way too fucking out of it to ask Char what she was even doing there to begin with.

My dick aches from overuse. My sensitive skin burns from overstimulation, and I smell like come, pussy, and mistakes.

When I get to Jasper's house, his car isn't in the driveway, but Alistair's is still parked in Bella's.

But I don't think about it, or say anything, or make a huge deal.

I let myself into Jasper's house, destroy my skin under the extreme heat of the shower, and pass out in his bed.

When I wake up, there's a text from an unknown number.

This is your sister, Rosalie.