AN: Hello readers! I'm back with another chapter that also happens to be the last chapter for the Big Spider Arc (well technically...you'll see what I mean at the end). With Chapter 47 already in development, the next chapter should hopefully be out as early as this weekend or some time next weekend. The next 2-3 chapters are going to help transition into the next arc, Poltergeist.
I know it has been a small while since I've last uploaded for this and my other 3 stories but just know I'm still committed to writing for them. The slow/stall in updates have mostly been from writing droughts I've had this summer, which I'm hoping will gradually stop when my college semester starts up next week. I'm going try to upload at a steady pace again (most likely every other week with this story), where I hope it will put CSG in a good place to finally get to the next major arc, Sisters, by the end of my college semester at the latest (December).
Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me and this story thus far. And with all that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
As always, please leave a review on anything you liked, think I should work on, or just any questions in general! I enjoy reading them and I will answer them at the end of the next chapter:)
Disclaimer: I do not own A Certain Scientific Railgun/Magical Index or any of its characters...the only things I own are:
1. My characters and
2. my ideas
Chapter 46: A Much Needed Talk
August 2nd, 6:30PM
Somewhere in the 7th District…
Misaka was walking alone on the sidewalk, looking down at the pavement below her with a conflicted look on her face. She had just left the rooftop that Kurozuma guy had shone her, Shirai, and Asher in Strange a few days ago.
She had gone there to find answers at the source. When she had been at the Judgment office with the others, Shirai told them about a report that Anti-Skill had submitted. It went over details of a "comprehensive sweep" that they were going to conduct within the Strange District, mainly in the area that Big Spider was known to be located.
She knew that if someone like Shirai or Uiharu had access to this report, Konori would have seen it too one way or another. She placed her bet on that fact and went to where she believed the older girl would be. She figured there was a good chance that she would have been compelled to warn Kurozuma about it even if it went against everything Misaka believed she stood for as a Judgment officer.
And she wanted answers.
Before she had a chance to ask and say everything that was on her mind, though, Kurozuma appeared, and a different confrontation ensued between him and Konori.
As she sat there and watched them both go back and forth, something inside of her started to almost resonate with what was being said on both sides. She hadn't understood why until the very end of the conversation, where she nearly kicked herself for being so oblivious.
Konori wasn't necessarily trying to go back and reconnect with her past life in Big Spider. She even acknowledged that she knew that she wasn't the same person that she was in the past and that place wasn't meant for her anymore.
Though from what she says, she only knew that because of Kurozuma.
Apparently, he got caught in a trap from a rival group a few years back that Konori and everyone else who knew him had believed he had been killed. He was severely injured, sure, but he made a full recovery 6 months later. Instead of leaving his past behind, however, he came back to stop Big Spider alone, believing that it's his responsibility to stop them since he had created group.
It was almost like the past was replaying itself as Konori was once again in the same position as she had been before. Misaka couldn't help but sympathize with her from knowing how powerless she probably felt when her pleas for him to not go off on his own were ignored and pushed aside for a second time.
She knew that feeling very well, enough that even her own heart had ached when he had just walked away as she stood there almost defeated.
It only ached more as she thought about a particular person his actions reminded her of as well.
Zierdan…
Her eyes fell farther towards the ground before she a let out a tired sigh.
If she was here or had been before this, I wonder if she would've been like the others or just as oblivious as I was.
Either way, it doesn't really excuse what I've done these past couple days.
It may have taken some time, but she finally allowed herself to acknowledge that she had went about the entire situation the wrong way. Some part of her blamed her personal feelings for clouding her judgment, but that still was just an excuse that she gave herself to lessen the blow.
Nothing could excuse her not even trying to check on Asher at least once during these couple days. She had known that from the beginning though still went through with it even if she knew Asher would be hurt by her actions.
She thought it would have hurt the gravity esper more if she had talked about the reasons behind why she wanted her off the Big Spider case completely. She just went through an ordeal a few hours before that led to an PTSD episode, so she believed that adding her own feelings to the situation would harm her more than help her.
They were just her childish fears that she still somehow had even 2 years after the certain event that had created them. They were annoyingly always lurking somewhere in the back of her mind, waiting for the perfect moment to make themselves known and just complicate things.
She usually had an easy time putting on a façade whenever those times happen. But there were times like now where those past feelings were hard to keep suppressed, which led to her pulling away from the source.
I need to figure out some way to fix this whole mess and make things right. She thought as she clenched her right hand to strengthen some of her wavering resolve.
I guess the first step is to apologize to her, but that in itself is easier said than done depending on what mood she's in.
She brought her hand down into her skirt pocket and pulled out her phone, flipping it open. She saw the time "6:35PM" written on its display.
She's probably back at the dorm by now, so I could most likely get there before curfew and talk to her. She doesn't really stay out too late if she's walking out there by herself.
Then again, it is starting to get late, and she could be asleep by the time I get there. So, it might be better to just see her some time tomorrow.
Before she was able to close her phone back, she was surprised to see a notification pop up as her phone made a small buzz. When she saw the name, she didn't hesitate to click over to her messages to see what it was about.
It read:
Hey Mikoto,
We need to talk. Meet me at the rooftop of the hospital in the 7th District.
-Z
After she read the text a few more times, she felt nervousness seep into both her heart and stomach as a line of sweat dropped down the side of her face.
"That's pretty direct even coming from someone like Zierdan." Misaka mumbled with a nervous laugh. "Though, I can't really tell if that's a good or bad thing."
For a split second she considered pretending that she didn't see the message. However, that was quickly tossed to the side from knowing how wrong that would be to do to the girl for the second time.
And she knew the esper could most likely sense that she was somewhere in the 7th District and not back at the Tokiwadai dorms.
Her senses are a little bit more sensitive in comparison to my radar. And since I'm not that far away from the hospital, she probably couldn't help but feel my EM Barrier nearby. She thought as she typed up her response and pressed send.
She turned around on the sidewalk and walked in the direction of her destination.
I can't keep running away like this. Zierdan deserves better than that.
She's my best friend. And I care about her enough to swallow my pride and admit when I've done something wrong.
About 20 minutes later…
District 7 Hospital
The sun had fallen low enough in the sky to bring darkness over Academy City. This allowed the stars to shine bright over the horizon as the moon steadily began to take its place.
Asher sat there on the rooftop fence passively watching this happen, looking up in the sky as a small patch of clouds remained there as well.
She had been there for some time just trying to clear her head before the inevitable talk with Misaka occurred.
She had also acquired the most recent model of her Amps since the manufacturer that developed them had finally been able to ship them to her doctor. The shipment had taken longer than expected due to a defect within the ones she had before oddly going undetected for all this time that otherwise needed to be fixed beforehand.
As she sat there quietly, she let out a small sigh when she heard a door open behind her.
"I may have never been a huge fan of this place, but it would be illogical to not acknowledge how great the view is up here." Asher said aloud as she heard the echo of footsteps. "Wouldn't you say, Mikoto?"
"Yeah, especially on clear nights like this." Misaka responded as her steps came to a stop. "That's one thing I can say that hasn't changed about you after all these years. For a girl who never wants to invest any energy into most things, it's always interesting to see how much time you spend staring up into the sky."
After a few moments, Asher looked down and saw Misaka standing a few inches away from her. She could tell the Electromaster was trying her best to act normal, but that couldn't fully hide how uncomfortable and nervous she seemed to be. It was enough for some anxiousness to spark in Asher's own chest, prompting her to raise a hand up to her neck.
Silence fell between them before Asher let out a sigh as she carefully climbed down the fence and stood right in front of her friend. She could see something flash inside of Misaka's eyes when she took in her appearance, seeing a mix of both guilt and worry shining in her gaze before she looked off to the side.
"How has your recovery come along?" Misaka asked almost meekly as she fidgeted with her fingers. "From what I've heard from Kuroko and see now, you seem to be doing better."
"Yeah mostly. I have headaches here and there, but I'm certain that my concussion has healed by now or at least almost there." Asher responded. "And with the medicine my doctor prescribed to me, the pain in my midsection is starting to be more manageable as the days go by."
"That's good to hear." Misaka said as she looked back with a genuine smile.
Another bout of silence fell between them that lasted a little longer than the last. Neither girl tried to even make an attempt at saying a single word. They both had something they wanted to say to the other. But they knew if they did, it would lead to a conversation that they honestly didn't know they were really prepared for.
After a while, Asher was the first to find some hidden determination. She was the one who asked Misaka to come here, so it was only logical that she guided the topic of the conversation somehow.
"Mikoto," Asher called out, breaking the Electromaster out of her own trance. She pointed over to an area that had a few benches nearby. "Are you okay if we go sit over there?"
"Oh yeah. If you want to, I don't mind." Misaka said as she followed from behind before her eyes fell slightly. "Are your injuries bothering you or…?"
"No, it's nothing that you should necessarily worry about." Asher stated without turning to look back at her.
At least, I hope not….
It didn't take long for them to make it to the bench, where Asher took the left side and Misaka took the right. Misaka sat her hands on the seat of the bench as she looked over at her friend, seeing her look down to the ground.
She was about to speak before she was stopped when she heard Asher let out a long sigh, watching her nearly bring up her hand to rest in its usual spot when she was nervous before she almost begrudgingly pulled it back down.
"So…" Asher hesitantly started. "How's the investigation on Big Spider going?"
"It's going about the same." Misaka answered. "You've probably already heard what Konori's roommate told us when we went to visit her dorm. The most recent development is that Judgment was notified that Anti-Skill is going to lead a comprehensive sweep inside of Strange around 10 AM to hopefully put an end to the recent esper hunts Big Spider has been doing."
"Well, did you learn anything new from Konori today?" Asher casually asked.
"A bit, though mostly more regarding her relationship and past with Kurozuma." Misaka automatically said before she paused and looked over at Asher in surprise. "Wait, how did you know I went to see her?"
Silence fell on the rooftop for a few moments as Asher just sat there, silent. It only went on for a few seconds longer before Misaka's patience started to dwindle.
"Z," She pressed, only to receive a sigh.
"There could be an infinite number of ways I could say how I received that information, though chances are they all have low chances at hiding the true answer." Asher stated. "I could say that Kuroko told me you went to see her, but by your reaction I can tell you probably didn't even tell her you were going to meet up with her in the first place. So that's illogical. I could also say that I just assumed that you had, which isn't completely a lie. Though knowing me as much as you do, you would know that I wouldn't assume anything just on a baseless whim, so…"
"Zierdan," Misaka pressed again, with an edge of seriousness in her voice. She could tell that Asher was about to go into ramble territory, which only happened when she was stressed or trying to hide something that would cause her (Misaka) to be either stressed or irritated. "I know things have been sort of weird between us and it's mostly my fault for that. But, come on. You know you can tell me anything like always."
Easy for you to say since I already know how you're going to react, Asher thought internally.
She let out a small breath and hardened her gaze as she looked up to the night sky. "I was already with her when you were on your way to the rooftop." She admitted. "I left right before you were close enough to sense me, though."
It didn't take long for what she just said to settle on Misaka's mind. When it did, Asher could see the Electromaster's eyes widen in realization.
"No, you didn't…" She said in disbelief. "You went into Strange by yourself!?"
"Out of you, Kuroko, and I, my ability is the best when it comes to finding someone. Not only was everyone concerned about Konori's well-being, but she was potentially a good source of intel on Big Spider due to her relationship with its former leader." Asher explained. "Meaning it was the most logical route to take when it came to searching for her."
"Maybe to you, but it's borderline stupid and reckless to me Zierdan!" Misaka shouted angrily as she rose to her feet. "What the hell were you thinking going there by yourself in your condition? What would have happened if you ended up being blindsided by that Capacity Down device again? Even with Kuroko's speed, there could have been a chance that we wouldn't have gotten to you in time and that is only if you had the time to call us for help!"
"I already knew the risks and planned accordingly." Asher stoically responded. "I tend to be able to avoid confrontations pretty easily with cloaking myself. Unlike you and at times Kuroko, I try my best to not engage someone if I can help it."
"But you shouldn't' even be using your esper power in the first place!" Misaka stated, sternly. She was so blinded by her own anger that she couldn't notice the subtle shadow beginning to grow over Asher's eyes. "Trying to sense one person out of millions of people strains you on a normal day. Why did you think that doing it now while you're still concussed would benefit anyone if it ended up sending you to the hospital for like the 3rd week in a row?"
"Mikoto– "
"I can't believe that you did this. I knew you were up to something when Kuroko told me you weren't in your dorm this morning." Misaka continued as she brought up a hand to her temple.
"Mikoto wait, I– "
"I should have checked on you before this. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't have– "
"Mikoto!" Asher shouted, prompting Misaka to jump in surprise. "Can you be quiet for one damn second and actually listen to what I'm trying to say!?"
Misaka's own rage went onto the backburner when she looked over and saw the amount anger written on the normally stoic girl's face.
Yes, she tended to be able to tap into this anger that was usually hidden from others if she pressed the right buttons. But it was rare for even Misaka to experience that anger so quickly when she wasn't even trying to get her to that point in the first place.
She stood there frozen for a time before she saw Asher's expression relax as her eyes fell towards the ground. A sigh sounded in the air as the gravity esper put a tight grip on the back of her neck.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled." Asher apologized. "I just…hate it when you do things like this. But at the same time, I understand why it happens, I guess."
Silence fell on the rooftop as Misaka looked over at her in a mix of surprise and confusion.
What is she talking about? She wondered, remaining quiet as she sat back down on the bench. When she did, she saw Asher's blue eyes look over at her solemnly, a complete contrast from the anger they were radiating earlier.
"Please be honest with me but, Mikoto, do you trust me?"
Misaka at first didn't react to Asher's words due to how much they initially surprised her.
"Of course I do!" Misaka stated when she was finally able to break out of her disbelief. "You already knew that didn't you?"
"Yes, though I do find myself questioning it at times." Asher responded, with her eyes falling slightly. "When you asked me to not help you and Kuroko on the Big Spider case anymore, I thought it was for the very fact that you either didn't trust me to be of use to you two or saw me as too much of a burden to keep an eye on. I figured you were either disappointed or angered by the decisions I made at Big Spider's headquarters since if Kurozuma hadn't showed up, I probably would have been left off with much worse than a couple of cracked ribs and a concussion. And you or Kuroko would have been their next targets."
"No, that isn't…" Misaka muttered before she looked away. "I didn't intend for what I did to make you feel that way."
"I know. But with everything that had happened at the time, I guess I couldn't find the energy to see otherwise." Asher remarked as she raised one of her hands to grip the area above her heart tightly. "It seems illogical to me now how much I let my emotions and pessimistic thoughts get the better of me. But it really…hurt to think that I lost your trust or faith in me in some way."
Misaka couldn't bring herself to look over at Asher for a few moments after she heard that. Guilt continuously rose inside of her chest.
For Asher to say that so openly to her, meant it had to be true.
She already knew from the beginning that her actions had hurt her in some way, but it was even harder for her to hear the extent at which they had.
"I'm sorry," She simply said, clasping her hands together tightly to find some sort of tether for her thoughts. "I just…wanted you to take it easy. And I didn't want you to get involved anymore after how much that device they have affected you. You were so disoriented from that experience that you hardly had any idea where you were. You didn't even recognize Kuroko when she told you who she was."
She let out a long breath to calm her nerves before she looked over at Asher. "I honestly felt powerless when I couldn't do anything to stop them from hurting you. When you passed out, all I could do was sit there and wait, hoping the entire time that your mind wasn't damaged even more than it already is. Hoping that the strain of that device and trauma didn't end up breaking you…again…"
As she continued on, Misaka found herself gradually losing the fight on keeping her composure in check. The thoughts and feelings she had been keeping under lock and key for this week alone were trying their best to find a way out.
No matter how much she tried hiding it, though, Asher had been easily able to see that struggle. She released a small sigh before she rested a calming hand on top of Misaka's knee, feeling her jump before she relaxed just as quickly.
"You don't have to force yourself to explain it any further, Mikoto." Asher said gently. "Seeing Kuroko kicked just that one time right in front of me was enough to make me feel helpless when I couldn't do anything. If the roles were reversed and you were the one being kicked into the ground, I honestly think I would've lost it. So, I forgive you and don't blame you for how you reacted. Especially since this entire situation probably drags up old memories of WaveInflux for you, doesn't it?"
Misaka's eyes widened, and her body stiffened. She couldn't bring herself to say a single word in reply and only allowed her eyes to fall towards the ground in some type of defeat.
"I sort of realized that was probably the case after talking to Konori. Her desire to stop Kurozuma from taking on Big Spider alone reminded you of yourself when it came to stopping me from continuing on with the experiment." Asher remarked. "You may have not gone through as much as I had during the experiment in your eyes. But I know what I did and what you had to deal with during its aftermath hurt and affected you tremendously. You literally had my life in your hands when you needed to restart my heart. You were most likely worried and scared that I wouldn't come back and blamed yourself for it in the first place. The same three things you have inside of you now. But…please look at me for a second…"
It took a minute or two before Misaka was able to bring her eyes to meet with Asher's gaze. She was somewhat surprised to see such a genuine smile on the girl's features, somehow not taking away from the rare confidence lighting her blue eyes.
"The person that's sitting next to you right now, isn't the same one 6 to even 2 years ago." Asher admitted. "You don't always have to feel obligated to be my protector or worry yourself to unhealthy degrees about me. I may not have the best track record when it comes to pushing myself, but lately I really have listened to what you and the others have been saying to me. I've relaxed the hold that I keep over my emotions more than I have probably in years when it comes to people other than you, Miss Yomikawa, and at times Misaki. And I understand that I have problems mentally and physically that will never be fixed completely no matter what I do..."
"But I'm still the 5th ranked level 5, GravShift." She continued. "It takes a lot more than that Capacity Down system and a couple of Level 0s who don't have a particular liking of me to break me. If that wasn't the case, I probably would have been stripped of my title a long time ago."
Misaka eyes widened further in disbelief before even more shock flooded her system when she felt two hands wrap around her back. She didn't stop or struggle when her head lightly fell into Asher's chest.
"Stop thinking that your problems are trivial in comparison to mine. They aren't. You need me as much as I need you. I've learned that it's easier to go through things with other people than it is to go through it alone. Take your own advice, listen to me, and allow me to help you at times for once, Mikoto. I'm not as fragile as I used to be, so...you can come to me for things like this."
Misaka didn't immediately respond until a small laugh came from under her breath. "Where is this all coming from?" She asked as she reciprocated the hug. "It's rare for you to be so talkative and assertive l-like this."
"I guess being around a hardheaded Electromaster, a perverse Judgment officer, and two other girls who are about as troublesome as the two mentioned before these last few weeks have forced me into a position to use my energy more than I probably have my entire life." Asher remarked with a small laugh of her own. "It's only logical that some of your illogical tendencies start to wear off on me."
She was about to continue on before she stopped herself when she felt something wet on her shoulder, looking down and tightening her grip around her friend who started to shake slightly. She remained quiet and only brought her gaze back up to the sky, watching the clouds and stars light the night sky.
There was so much more that I wanted to discuss with her, but I think it's alright to leave it alone for right now. Asher thought as her eyes fell slightly.
It's rare to see her like this. Mikoto isn't someone who breaks down in front of anyone, including me. Even now I can tell she's still keeping some part of herself restrained.
All because of that experiment.
Sometimes I wonder if the mental damage is enough to be concerned about either now or in the future. I guess that's something I can ask my doctor during my next appointment.
Because if she has what I think she has, she shouldn't keep pushing it to the side like this or…
It may end up exploding in her and everyone else's faces one day if she's pushed over the edge as far as I was a few years ago.
"I-I'm sorry," She heard Misaka say under her as she pressed further into her chest. "I'm s-so sorry I-I..."
"It's okay," Asher said gently in her ear. "It's okay, I promise."
About 20 minutes later…
Tokiwadai Dorm
Shirai was sitting on her bed worriedly staring at her phone. It had been some time since she had heard back from either of the Level 5's.
From Asher's words last night, she had a feeling they were probably with each other right now, but that did nothing to settle her nervousness. There was most likely nothing she should be worried about, sure. But the potential that there was a chance they were arguing to the point of even fighting with each other was another story.
She sat there for a few moments longer before she let out a long sigh and collapsed onto her bed.
"What are those two doing out there?" She groaned. "It's nearly time for curfew and there still isn't a sign of either of them."
Should I try to look for them myself? She thought before she shook her head.
No. If I do that, there would be no one here to delay or stop the Head Resident from noticing our absence. So, what should I do? I've tried calling and texting them throughout the day but it's always the same bland response that their "busy" or they don't even pick up.
After she took her time to go through all of her options, she sat back up with her phone in her hand.
I guess it wouldn't hurt to try one more time. If I annoy either of them enough, they're bound to pick up sooner or later.
Before she was able to go into her contacts, though, her phone began to ring as Asher's name appeared on its display. Even though her thumb automatically pressed the button to accept the call, she sat there shocked for a few moments.
She was finally snapped out of her daze when Asher's voice came in through the speakers.
"Kuroko?" Asher asked. "Are you there? It's not like you to be so quiet."
"Where in the world are you, Zierdan!?" Shirai asked in disbelief. "It's nearly passed curfew and there's still no sight of you or Sissy."
"Calm down. There's still some time left, so we should make it back there with minutes to spare."
Shirai was about to continue her lecture before she stopped. "We?" She questioned.
There was a small pause as someone else's voice came through her phone speakers.
"Yeah, we." Misaka replied. "Hey Kuroko. Sorry if our absence was starting to worry you."
Shirai's eyes widened in surprise before she let out a sigh as relief came over her in waves. It had been a while since she had seen or heard the espers together, not realizing until now how much she had actually missed it.
I'm sorry for doubting you before Zierdan. Sometimes I forget how driven you can get when you're pushed to a certain point. She thought as a smile came across her face.
"There's nothing that you need to apologize for, Sissy." Shirai swooned. "I'll be waiting patiently for your return. With you with her, I know you'll both get back here in a timely manner."
"Wait, what is that supposed to mean, Kuroko?" She heard Asher ask with slight annoyance in her tone. She didn't let Shirai answer before a small sigh came from under her breath. "Don't even answer that. We're close, so actually be wearing something logical when we get there and not be having one of your perverse fantasies about MK for once."
"Aw, you're just jealous that you don't have a love life, Zierdan." Shirai teased, ignoring Asher's steadily increasing irritation as she remained quiet. "Once you find someone who completes you like me and Sissy have, you'll understand that our love for each other has no bounds!"
"I honestly don't think that being a pervert automatically gives you the right to be an annoying stalker. It gets so illogical to the point I wonder if I need to get Anti-Skill to get you under the control."
Shirai let out an annoyed huff under her breath and was ready to comeback with a remark of her own. Though, Misaka beat her to it from realizing how out of hand things could get if she stopped them too late.
"Okay, you two! That's enough!" Misaka yelled.
"But Sissy- / But MK– "
"But nothing from either of you!" Misaka continued, cutting them off. "Why is it that whenever you two talk to each other, it ends in a childish spat nearly 99.9% of the time? Jeez…"
Silence fell both in the room and over the phone before Shirai and Asher let out a sad breath around the same time.
"Sorry Sissy…"
"Yeah, sorry Mikoto."
"No need to apologize or sound so depressed." Misaka sweatdropped. "Just act like you're actually friends and not enemies locked in a heated death-match all the time."
After a while, Misaka and Asher said goodbye to Shirai over the phone. They weren't too far from the dormitory, though, even Asher had to admit that they would probably be cutting it close to getting there before curfew.
When they ended the call, Shirai immediately went to the window by her desk and opened it. She then teleported to the one inside of Asher's room and did the same. She hoped that this would give the Level 5s a back-up plan if they did indeed miss curfew as she didn't want them face the wrath of the Head Resident herself.
She returned back to her room and sat on her bed with a content expression on her face.
It seems things are going to start going back to normal. She thought as she put a hand above her heart.
Thank goodness.
As her spirits were lifted higher than they had been in a while, it was unknown to both her and the other members of the Railgang that their fight against the first iteration of the esper weapon known as the Capacity Down System had just begun.
Somewhere else in Academy City…
New Hospital Ward 3
Inside a facility near the main building of the District 7 Hospital, there was an older woman sitting at her desk with her tired, passive eyes staring at a computer. She had a leg crossed over the other and a cup of coffee in hand, knowing that this night was going to be long just like the others she had been going through since a few days ago.
The woman was known by the name of Dr. Harumi Kiyama.
After the Level Upper incident, she had spent her days sitting in a cell inside of District 17's Prison Facility. She didn't curse or resent her situation to any agree, acknowledging that what she had done had been unfavorable to those who had been afflicted by the side effects of the Level Upper.
All she did was wait patiently for her release or best time to escape, with the thoughts of her children pushing her forward to one day save them from their unfair fate given to them by the high-ups within this city.
It wasn't until a couple days ago that she was surprisingly released by posting bail. She had been hesitant to trust the man who helped her until she met him face to face.
She knew him mostly by his common alias as Heaven Canceller. She also remembered that her old friend, Himari Asher, had trusted him dearly with many of her secrets, knowing only a few including herself that the guarded woman ever put into that category.
Kiyama quickly returned that trust, especially since he allowed her to continue her research over saving her students. She knew that she still had a long way to go, but she wasn't going to give up any time soon.
At the moment, however, she was working on something else that Heaven Canceller had given her a few days ago. It was the least she could do for him after all the things he had done for her. And she also felt a sort of connection or responsibility for the particular girl involved.
She was reading over the past brain scans of the 5th Ranked Level 5 known as GravShift. From what she was told beforehand, he had found some irregularities in her brain scans and wanted another professional's opinion regarding them.
Since she was a cerebral physiologist, he knew it was definitely within her field of expertise.
She started by going through Asher's medical history where said scans were conducted, going as far back to the time she became an esper around age 5 or 6. She pulled out a couple scans that she thought were key points in time where her brainwaves had stopped remaining constant, using them to make comparisons to the one that had been done recently.
Other than one slight abnormality early in Asher's life, she didn't find anything very noteworthy during her years in 1st-4th grade. She could tell that her physiology was unique since her brainwaves were altered slightly due to her esper ability, ignoring that weird outlier and continuing on into her later years.
It wasn't until she found her scans at 10 and 11 where her tired eyes widened slightly. There was a sudden change in her trending brainwaves that only seemed to escalate for long periods of time before they settled down to a relatively normal rate to only increase again to further heights.
That must be the time she started participating in Silas's trials, she thought as she leaned her head into her hand.
It's honestly a miracle that she survived the strain of that device for as long as she had. Any normal esper would have probably broken or lost themselves from having their minds scrambled over and over again within a month at least.
Over the course of just one year, the readings showed Asher's brainwave patterns had changed and diverged enough to basically separate into 2 separate entities. One followed her normal brainwave pattern, while the other was more erratic, though was still able to resonate with the other most of the time to maintain similar readings.
She wondered if this phenomenon occurred due to the constant use of both her blueshift and redshift abilities, where she drew on both shifts simultaneous more and more until it was too much for her mind to handle.
It was concerning if recent scans were reflecting this pattern again. However, she found flaws in that theory due to how stable the patterns seemed overall after a second glance.
These wave patterns are similar to the ones she had during the earlier stages of the experiment. And from what I can remember from Silas's notes, that was around he time that personality started to manifest.
She sat there for a few moments trying to think through her options:
A part of her felt somewhat confident to say that Asher's most recent scans were not showing anything too concerning. Her current brain patterns were pretty stable when compared to the ones during WaveInflux, so it didn't seem like her ability was at risk for going out of control for a second time.
But…
There is a chance that other personality...or alter as they tend to be called for those who have dissociative identity disorder, has returned. she thought as she clasped both of her hands in front of her to focus.
Headaches and memory loss may line up to show signs of a concussion. But there's evidence here that it's much more than that.
I had believed that Mental Out had been called to erase her existence from her mind. But the personality must have been linked too much to Asher's psyche to do it safely. So, suppression had to be her next goal to ensure her personal reality remained intact.
And from the look of things, it won't be too long before her brainwaves separate more often, raising the chances she can come out during those particular times. Or certain conditions are met that grant her more authority over Asher, even if she's the host personality.
With all that in mind, what should be done about this?
She sat in silence before she let out a tired sigh and leaned her back in her chair. She brought her gaze up to the ceiling.
If you were still here, I wonder what you would do, Himari. If you saw these scans, you would have been able to pick apart each one of them piece by piece, and accurately predict whether or not her alter would threaten your daughter's well-being and lead to the destruction of this city once again.
After a while, she rose from her chair and inserted her hands into her pants pockets. She slowly walked out the door to another room to grab something that she believed she may need later.
I guess all I can do is promise you that I won't allow that to happen again.
I won't allow the darkness of this city taint her even more than it already has in her short life.
Tokiwadai Dorm
Asher walked into her dorm and let out a long, tired sigh as she closed the door behind her. Even with all the bad things that had happened recently, it almost felt like a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders after she talked things out with Misaka.
They may not fight or argue most of the time, but even they had problems with what the other wants or does every once in a while.
Though, still, to think that this whole situation could have been avoided if they had just been more open with each other, only made the situation in itself seem completely and utterly illogical.
There's no point in thinking into more than I should though. She thought as a small smile fell on her face.
Talks like that may be hard on the both of us, but…I believe that there were some things that needed to be said for us both to keep moving on with our lives and away from WaveInflux.
I know it's illogical to believe that everything was fixed in one conversation, but it's a start at least.
She walked over to her desk to pick up the bottle that had her sleeping pills so she could finally settle in for the night and maybe even far into the next day. She had already agreed that she would stay out of the last trip into Big Spider territory tomorrow that Misaka and Shirai were going to do before Anti-Skill did their comprehensive sweep on the district.
It was at that moment, though, that a pain like no other pierced her mind. It was so intense that she couldn't keep herself from holding back a wince as she immediately clutched her head with both of her hands, not even hearing when the pill bottle crashed onto the floor.
D-Damn it, of all times f-for a migraine to come out of nowhere. she thought as her eyes scrunched closed, feeling the pressure in her head intensify by the second.
I guess I underestimated the amount of time it takes to recover from a concussion, even if it's a minor one.
It should hopefully stop in the next 10-15 minutes so I can finally go to bed at a decent time for once.
Within moments, however, sweat began to develop on her face as the temperature in her dorm seemed to increase to uncomfortable levels. She felt herself quickly getting nauseous and lightheaded as the pain continued to bombard her mind.
N-Need to lie down.
She struggled to get her legs to even take a step forward towards her bed before black nearly consumed her vision. She had to hunch over and press her hands against her desk, nearly heaving air at this point as she tried her best to keep her stomach under control.
"St…op….St….op," she began to hear either around her or within the recesses of her mind.
Her eyes snapped open in surprise before she shut them again, unable to question its origin when her stomach churned uncontrollably. She was barely able to move herself to the bathroom and hunch herself over the toilet in time as the contents of her stomach made a successful escape attempt.
What's happening to me? W-Why do I feel so sick all of the sudden?
Even with motion sickness, I usually can keep nausea down much longer than this.
When her stomach had finally calmed down, she walked over to the sink and leaned herself against it. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror, seeing unfocused blue eyes filled with pain staring back at her as her face was just as pale as a white sheet.
Something's not right. she thought as things steadily began to fade into the background.
For some reason, this pressure inside of her head almost felt familiar to her somehow. She could feel something pressing down on her consciousness almost as a means to push her down into submission.
She didn't know what it was, but she knew enough that she didn't like this feeling at all.
She carefully pushed herself off the sink and unsteadily walked out of the bathroom. She stood in the doorway for a couple seconds, looking around until her gaze was focused on her phone.
Even though she didn't want to bother them this late at night, she knew that she needed to notify someone of whatever was going on with her, especially with how much it felt like her head was going to explode at any moment.
Mikoto an-and Kuroko, she thought, trying her best to focus her thoughts on her friends as she slowly walked to the other side of the room.
N-Need to contact them. N-Need to do it before–
"No."
Another intense wave of pain split her mind after those words, hurting so much that it brought her to her knees and forced a strangled yelp from her lips.
"You can't tell anyone about this, especially that damn idiot." She heard. Unlike last time, she could at least tell that the words before were coming from a voice somewhere in her own mind. "It's still too early for Railgun to know. All she would do is make things complicated for the both of us, Asher."
It's that vo-voice again. It sounds so familiar, but I know it isn't Misaki. Asher thought mostly to herself through the pain, narrowing her eyes at the ground below her.
"Who is this? Wh-What are you doing?" Asher pressed internally. "My mind doesn't respond well to others messing with i-it. S-So you need to stop whatever you're doing before something happens that we'll both regret."
"I can't give you any of the answers that you want right now, sorry. It's more energy than it's worth, considering you're most likely not going to remember any of this conversation anyway." The voice responded. "All you need to know is that there's something important that needs to be done tonight that only I can do. That's also all I need to be able to take authority even with that Blonde's mental block still up in our head."
Asher's eyes widened slightly. "Mental Block? O-Our mind? What the hell are you even…?"
Something seemed to click after a few moments, prompting her skin to pale even further. It was almost like some sort of haze had cleared enough to help her realize why this voice sounded so familiar.
That inner voice sounded just exactly like her, which she hadn't noticed at first from how much the pain was keeping her from being able to distinguish that clearly.
And that only meant one thing…
Something she had hoped wouldn't be possible to happen ever again after what happened just 2 years ago.
W-Wait it's –
Pain shattered her thoughts again but for what seemed like the last time as her entire body went numb. It felt like her mind was in fog as her hands limply fell to her sides.
"No, pl-please stop." She mumbled almost in a whisper as her eyes were getting closer and closer to flickering shut. "My friends, th-this city, and Mi-Mikoto….I do-don't want them to b-be…"
"They won't. I promise." she heard.
"Even though this city has done nothing but cause you pain, I'm not in the one-track mind to destroy it anymore. And other than Railgun, I have nothing against your so-called friends, so they're safe."
The voice went silent for a few moments as Asher tried her best to keep herself conscious. She knew she was too weak mentally at the moment to keep pushing back against this presence inside of her. Though, she needed to know she wouldn't wake up to a city covered in rubble or any of her friends hurt.
She could tell somewhat that the voice was genuine about not going out to harm the city or her friends, but she couldn't help but feel almost endless amounts of hatred and loathing radiating inside of her for a girl she hadn't ever wanted herself to feel it towards.
"Railgun…I still don't think I'll ever understand why that girl means so much to you." She heard the voice hiss. "She has caused you about as much pain as Silas has from her naïve idiocy or egotistical pride blinding her for so long from saving you from him until it was already too late."
"But if she's the main reason why you're so deadest on pushing me back in the current state you're in, then fine. I won't do anything to her, for now."
Those last few words were enough to push Asher into just letting go no matter how much a part of her was still against it. With the combination of her brain damage and weakened state, it was hard for her to fight off mental attacks at times, especially ones that were technically coming from inside of her it seems.
From knowing that everything that mattered to her would be safe, she lowered her guard and stopped fighting a one-sided battle. It felt like her body stayed in the same spot as she felt herself falling towards the ground or some kind of deep abyss. She was too out of it to see her world turn into the dark plane she had already been in many times before.
I'll hold you to it then, were the last thoughts she made before she closed her eyes and allowed the darkness to fully overcome her.
Asher or more accurately Asher's body sat in the same spot and blankly stared at the ground. It wasn't before too long that light came back into her blue eyes, where they blinked a couple times before a resounding sigh filled the room.
"That was harder than I thought it was going to be." She said with her voice altered slightly. "It has been a while since she fought against me so hard that even I have a headache."
Her voice didn't carry its usual stoicness, instead holding a rare amount of emotion that was hardly if ever heard within it to this extent. She rose to her feet and walked over to the bathroom, looking over at her reflection inside of the mirror.
Her blue eyes widened when they glanced at the mirror before they fell when she noticed the apparent tear streaks going down her cheeks. She stood there in silence before she brought one of her arms to wipe them away.
"I'm sorry for what I did to you Asher." she said aloud seemingly to no one other than herself. "I didn't mean for what I did to scare you so much."
"But…"
It was in that moment that the look inside of her blue eyes hardened as red pierced the edges of her pupils. "I also can't allow what that damn bastard did to you go unpunished." She hissed. "And I refuse to let those idiots in Anti-Skill do it for me."
She walked over to her closet and changed into something that she wouldn't be easily recognized in. She then went over to the window and opened it.
I hope one day you'll understand, she thought as she casually jumped down onto a gravity platform below her outside.
Everything I did and everything I've done up until this point has always happened with you in mind.
Because all I want to do...
Is protect you, Asher.
Word Count of Chapter: 8535 |Page Count: 16 pages |Reviews: 224 | Followers: 135 |Favorites: 116
AN: Well that concludes the Big Spider Arc, at least from Asher's side of things. Misaka and Shirai will go on to Big Spider's hideout with Konori as normal, but Chapter 47 will be mostly focused on what Asher's doing while they're gone. It'll be an easy/fun little chapter before the Midsummer Festival to put a small pause on the emotional rollercoaster these last few chapters have been.
All I'm going to say/tease about the next chapter (which will be the original one I put on the schedule at the end of the last chapter) is that I'm currently thinking about calling it "A Date with a Friend." :)
Here's the usual name poll update: Nothing has really changed since the last chapter upload. "Sora" is still in the lead by one while "Rehsa" and "Sky" still trail behind by one and two votes respectively.
As always, if you're interested in voting or waiting for the results, the poll should end some time during the Poltergeist Arc.
Thanks for reading!
Review Replies
Blankow: Well, Asher tends to remain mostly indifferent about the colored streaks in her hair. Since she has had them for as long as she can remember, she even forgets that she has them at times. The only complaints that she really has about them is they tend to bring unnecessary attention towards her due to how much they contrast with her light blonde and are the biggest thing that gets her recognized as the Level 5 GravShift.
So long story short, she doesn't really like them but it doesn't necessarily mean that hates them though, too.
Saten could be seen as Asher's equivalent to how Misaka has Touma. And in terms of who's better at pacifying her, it probably depends on the situation. Though, Saten may be a bit better since she doesn't take as much of a direct approach as Misaka tends to do. Misaka isn't known well for her patience, so sometimes a discussion can turn into more of an interrogation without her noticing it at times (similar to what nearly happened during this chapter).
Yeah, you know Asher's in a better mood when she uses her energy first to start a "disagreement" with Shirai. Seems like the next step in her character development is to get her better at making and understanding jokes.
Asher has developed a ton since Chapter 1 of this story. She may still be a bit blunt and stoic in her wording at times, but she has done better at using her own experience and what she has learned from her friends to be better at expressing herself or helping others emotionally instead of relying on Misaka to do it for her.
Yep, Kenji is his name. And it seems his life is in Sky's hands at the moment. Other than Touma or Hamazura, I wonder which Level 5 would be the worst to confront.
Can't wait to read your story when it comes out!
LostNeko120: You're welcome! Writer's block is still somewhat of a struggle, but I'm trying my best to break through it to get things rolling again.
I'm happy that you liked many parts of this chapter (Chp 45). I thought Konori's relationship/situation with Kurozuma was similar to the experience that Misaka had during WaveInflux with Asher. I wanted to add something more to the Big Spider arc from the Railgang's end since it's mostly focused on Konori.
Well with a certain character making her official debut to the present of CSG, Kenji may finally get what's coming to him sooner than he thinks.
Misaka Phenex: Aw thanks! Hmmm, Asher x Othinus...
Since I've mostly only watched the anime for Index, Railgun, and Accelerator, I'm not all that familiar on who Othinus is, though do know of her from the wiki. I've been thinking about maybe creating another side series that's just a collection of canon and non-canon storylines that I wouldn't be able to fully explore in CSG. So it's possible that it could happen there.
Whatever happens though, Asher x Othinus will still go into the shipping bag:)
Mytrenast3r: Nice! It's always great to see new people reading this story. I'm glad you've taken a liking to Asher so much:)
Yeah, one of the main things I wanted to focus on for this story was Misaka's and Asher's dynamic with each other. They may be fairly opposite of each other personality wise but you're right that they do show the same self-destructive behavior, which may not be the best thing to have during the Sisters' Arc.
Even though it is fairly dark and most likely lead to more trauma for both of the girls, I'm also looking forward to getting to Sisters' soon. It's one of my favorite arcs in all of the Toaru Series (in terms of the anime at least) and will be essentially a role reversal for both Asher and Misaka when compared to what happened during WaveInflux.
Even with 2 Level 5 ticking bombs potentially going to go off during Sisters', one of the few highpoints that I'd say comes from this arc (well technically at the end of it) is Last Order. Due to her relationship with both Yomikawa and Yoshikawa, it's pretty likely Asher will meet her, which is something else I'm looking forward to writing about.
And finally to the most important part: Team Misaka x Asher has gained a new follower:D
I honestly don't think I could bring myself to write a death chapter for anyone in the Railgang, so unless something changes, Mikoto is safe T.T
JintoLin:
Chapter 44
I don't have any problems with you calling parts of Chapter 44 predictable. It would have been more surprising that Saten and Uiharu hadn't been upset by the news since they do consider Asher a dear friend of theirs.
Out of the three girls (Saten, Uiharu, and Shirai), Saten seemed like the best option. There was a high chance that if Shirai went back at that time that it would end in an argument, while Uiharu could have been helpful though may have needed someone else to assist her.
Sorry for the mild cliffhanger, lol. I thought if I had went any further then the chapter would've 4000-5000+ words longer than it needed to be. I completely understand how life can in the way of things. Glad to see that you're back:)
Well, this arc and the next arc (Poltergeist) are going to delve deeper into Asher's and Sky's history/dynamic with each other. So it's almost inevitable that Misaki will be involved in some way. One thing I will say is that the chances are low that Silas will make an appearance during this time. If he does, it'll most likely just be through flashbacks to provide more context with something relating to either Sky or Asher.
Chapter 45
I'm glad that I was able to deliver on your hopes in the last review. Saten's Level 6 friendship ability is limitless and grows by the second.
On serious note though, you're right that Asher has dropped her guard whenever she's around her friends. Though, since she's only had Misaka for the longest time, her being "rusty" is the only logical cause she can up with as to why it's so difficult to do something she was able to do just a month ago.
I couldn't pass up on the opportunity on doing the "dressing of the wounds" scene with how shy and modest Asher is. I don't know if I want to imagine what would have happened if Shirai was there with them, though. It may have ended in them both getting into trouble with the Head Resident yet again for breaking the rules by using their esper abilities on each other.
Asher's chat with Saten did give her some confidence to try and test out her talking skills with Konori. I knew that a scene with them together would end creating another ship to add to the bag at some point lol.
It may be illogical, but Mikoto x Asher and Sky x Saten is sort of the best of both worlds. Maybe something like that would put an end to the shipping war between Mikoto x Asher and Saten x Asher.
Okay thanks! Pacing is one of the things I tend to struggle with when it comes to probably all of my stories. I'm glad to see that you've been okay with it so far.
I am trying my best in prolonging 'joy' we all know and love as the Sisters' Arc lol. But, it seems that time is starting to run out as it gets closer and closer each chapter. Toaru is just a slice of life universe filled up with school kids that go on and do fun things around Academy city. So you're right, there's no way a show/manga like that could turn dark in just one episode/chapter right?
Thanks for your reviews!
-PurpleClover99
