Sorry this one took so long! I couldn't quite get them to say what needed to be said... but I think they finally did. Let me know what you think, and thanks for everything!


The following Monday at school, Edward sits with Jasper at lunch.

At my table.

With Alice.

Annoyed, I grab my tray a little too roughly from the lunch lady. I give her a very apologetic smile. It's not her fault the devil himself is sitting with my friends.

He's done me a favor though. Jasper sits across from Alice, Edward next to Jasper, and while I could be nice and fill in the square, I sit on the end, with Jasper and Alice to my side, not in the way of Edward whatsoever.

It's not that I hate him anymore. He did help me this weekend, he has helped me with Aro and my dad. I just don't want to get any closer than we already are. I'm leaving soon. I'm never coming back.

I'm never looking back.

"Play it cool, don't make a scene, and do what you need to do," Jasper says, wrapping up their conversation.

My ears perk at the comment.

"You don't think I should I head straight to Dim?" Edward asks.

"Nah. You know he'll freak the fuck out. Be friend the enemy and trade him in. And don't mess with Charlotte anymore. She's fucked us both enough."

It stings. I know he's slept with her, and it hurts, but I pretend like I don't hear it.

"Hey, Bells, wanna hang tonight?" Alice asks, talking over Jasper and Edward. She does it for my benefit, but I want to tell her to shhhh so I can hear the rest.

"Work," I remind her.

"Dude, I know," Edward says irritably, rolling his eyes at Jasper. "Besides, it was one fucking time—"

Jasper scoffs like he doesn't believe him. And why should he? And why should I? But then I remember it doesn't matter.

I'm done with Edward.

Right?

"Need a ride?" she asks when Jasper turns to Edward. They're voices go low. It's private now.

"Uhm, no. I've got my bike."

"It's supposed to rain—"

"It's okay, Allie. If I need a ride, I'll call. Okay?"

She shrugs and turns the conversation over. Jasper was able to help secure the down payment for the duplex, so we talk about saving from now until June so we have enough for the first few months of rent while we find jobs in Seattle.

Mrs. Copeland did say she has pull with some of the libraries in Seattle and could easily find me placement out there making almost double and that prospect really excites me.

In science, we have to partner up. Edward turns around but Alice is already gripping my arm and smiling. Thank god.

He partners with Eric Yorkie of all people.

Victoria's pretty eyes turn mean when he refuses to look at her.

~!~

It's thirty minutes until the end of my shift when the rain turns to sleet. There's a game of bingo in the meeting room, but only seven people show up.

"Go on home," Mrs. Copeland says a few minutes later. "I worry about you and that darn bike."

I give her a shrug and a small wave goodbye.

The roads are shit and I can't even get traction to ride on the sidewalk, so halfway home I decide to walk, pushing my bike next to me. I'm one block away from home when Alice calls, but my lips and teeth chatter from the sleet sticking to me. Icey rain covers my sweatshirt and hair.

To top it off, my dad's home.

Shit.

I park my bike in the bushes under a tarp that Alice let me have a few weeks ago. My shoes are soaked, so I kick them off outside and wring the ends of my hair as not to drip all over the house.

Maybe I can just sneak—

"Isabella."

The voice forces me still. It's eerily quiet. I haven't heard him this sober and calm in… never.

"Dad."

We stare at each other.

His mustache grows wiry, scraggly above his lip. His skin looks sallow and used from way too many years of alcohol abuse. He's tired looking and irritable, but he's stone cold sober.

"Get your shit."

I give him a look of pissed off confusion. "What shit?"

He's staring openly and impatiently now. "Get the fuck out of here until Friday."

My look turns darker. Angrier. Fed up. "What are you—"

"Call your boyfriend, Edward, and stay with him. I don't fucking care. But I don't want to see you here until then."

Now I laugh. "You think Edward is my boyfriend? Jesus Christ… Edward isn't even my friend. Alistair was my boyfriend. Not that it should matter to you—"

"Alistair?" he asks, cutting me off, standing from the table he was just sitting at. "He was your boyfriend?"

His eyes deepen, darken like ink. His reaction scares me a little.

"Do you know him?"

"You're dumber than I thought," he says just as calmly, but the words still punch home. "You've got thirty minutes to grab your shit and get the hell out. I mean it."

He doesn't frighten me per say, but the fact that he hasn't laid a finger on me and has said more than three words to me is a little worrying.

So I change into dry clothes, text Alice to pick me up, and pack whatever I can in the next few minutes.

I'm at Jaspers now. Come over.

I walk right past the kitchen, but stop when I hear him.

"You better hope Alistair doesn't throw it in Aro's face."

My feet back peddle until we're six feet apart and I can't gauge his reactions.

"Throw what in his face?"

"That he got you before Aro could."

"What—"

"Don't be so fucking naive," he says, rolling his eyes. Now he's losing his cool. "Alistair is Aro's nephew."

It's like my feet are weighed in place, stuck to the old hardwood floor of this shitty house. I'm not surprised. Nothing surprises me anymore. But it makes sense.

All the reasons why Alistair wanted to come over, wanted the lock code, wanted me. The few times he pressured me, the few times we were intimate in any capacity. Shivers run through me and I feel ill.

"Why are you telling me all this?" I whisper.

When I meet his eyes, he looks away.

"I don't want to see your face. Don't come back until Friday," he says. "And you make sure you tell Edward that. Friday."

~!~

Jasper listens as I retell the happenings, verbatim, as we sit in the shed. Alice pulls me in and warms me up. Jasper lights up and passes to me.

I don't really feel like smoking or drinking or doing anything but laying down, so I pass to Alice.

He doesn't have a lot to say. And I leave out the last bit about making sure I tell Edward.

Jasper, like me, isn't surprised that Aro and Alistair are related. Nothing truly surprises him either. But Alice eats it up like it's a lifetime movie. I catch myself watching her reactions and laughing to myself. I'm glad someone is shocked by all of this.

I end up going home with Alice and staying over. She tells me I can stay in the spare room, but it reminds me of Edward and the last happy night before it turned to shit, so I just cuddle with her in bed.

"I love you," she whispers into my skin, in the middle of the night, shrouded in darkness. "I love you," she whispers again.

It hurts me in the best way. Sometimes I forget what those words even sound like.

"Thank you," I tell her.

She's my sister, a blessing, the best thing that ever happened to me.

~!~

Tuesday is abnormally cold, and I must not have been really thinking when I packed my bag last night, so Alice squeals when I ask her if I can borrow some clothes.

I'm in need of a high, so I let her dress me.

Black ripped jeans, a pretty emerald top, wavy brown hair.

"What if I cut my hair, Allie?"

She looks at me like I've lost my mind but then smiles very slowly.

"Can I do it?"

"No!" I laugh-yell before turning and throwing on a coat that's too small and some boots.

In the kitchen, her dad greets us and doesn't even bat an eyelash at me.

She pours a bowl of cereal passes me a spoon. We sit in comfortable silence as her dad reads the newspaper. His phone rings and he excuses himself. Alice and I study briefly for a math quiz before she jingles her keys and we head to the front door.

"Alice, I have to fly to Arizona tomorrow afternoon and won't be home until Saturday. Can I trust you?"

He gives her a look like he already knows the answer.

And the answer is of course no.

"Definitely, pops!"

I help her brush the snow and scrape the sleet off her car. We're popsicles by the time we put our seatbelts on.

"Well, you know what this means, right?" she asks easily, turning into the school parking lot.

"Uhm, no?" I tell her, getting out and carefully avoiding patchy ice spots.

She grips my hand in hers and laughs only the way Alice can. "We're going to have so much fun this week!"

~!~

At lunch, Alice begs Jasper to get us some liquor, but he says no.

"You suck," she sulks, standing and dumping her tray. She disappears in the crowd, and I figure she's going to pout in the bathroom or something.

"Why won't you?" I ask, sipping the last of my drink.

He shrugs and smiles. "I probably will, but sometimes it's fun being the only one to tell her no."

My eyes roll and I sit back, scanning the room. And then I freeze. And then I sit up straighter. And then I freak out just slightly.

Alice stands with Edward, talking excitedly, as they very slowly make their way over to the table.

"Shit," I whisper, gathering my stuff but not fast enough.

"Chill," Jasper says with a laugh when I spill my garbage off my tray from my quick movements.

I watch as Alice smiles and claps her hands bouncing on her toes at whatever Edward has just said. My body relaxes slightly when he walks past our table.

"What was that?" I ask, nodding my head to Edward's retreating form.

"Well, since Jasper's being a party pooper, I asked Edward to hook us up." Alice smiles in victory at Jasper, but the only one losing here is me.

"And?"

"And he of course said he'd get us some shit. On one condition." Oh no. Here it is. "You let him take you to and from work this week."

"What?" I practically shout.

"What?" she asks innocently.

"Alice, why—"

"Bella, you can't ride your bike. You don't even have your bike."

"You could have taken me!" I remind her.

"True," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "But it was the only way he'd have gotten us the stuff."

I shake my head in annoyance. Edward would have done it either way and she knows it. Alice's smirk towards Jasper doesn't go unnoticed, but I'm too irritated right now to care.

~!~

"Ready?" Edward asks as he finally makes his way down to his car.

"Yeah. I've only been waiting like 10 minutes," I tell him.

"Sorry. I thought I'd catch you inside. I had to ask Mr. Banner a question."

"Whatever."

The ride isn't really all that long, but it's awkward. And quiet. And too familiar.

"What do you and Alice want to drink?"

I shrug.

"Well, text me what—"

"I'll just… she can tell you tomorrow."

"Okay," he says awkwardly. "I guess that'll work too."

He drops me off and says he'll be back around six. I don't acknowledge. I don't even want to breathe. All I smell is his cologne and the heat of skin and the intimacy of his closeness in the car.

Outside, in the fresh air, my head clears.

Today's just as dead as yesterday.

"The weather is supposed to be messy all week," Mrs. Copeland says, cleaning up the meeting room from the cancelled crochet class earlier. "Snow tomorrow afternoon into Friday! They're saying possibly a foot and a half. Can you believe that?"

I hope that when I'm old, weather turns me on as much as it does the old folk around here. They're buzzing around and nothing has even happened yet.

At 4:30, she walks over to the circulation desk where I'm finishing my math homework.

"Honey, go on and go a little early today. I'd hate for it to get bad on your way home."

"Mrs. Copeland, it's dry out right now. And I've got a ride."

"I know, but I can I clean up and close on my own tonight. I'll give you a call about the rest of the week."

I mean, maybe she'll call me off and Edward won't even need to take me. That would be awesome.

So I call him.

"Hello?" he answers after the fifth ring.

"If you're busy I can call Alice—"

"No. I thought you got off at six?"

"Mrs. Copeland is sending me home early."

"Okay," he says easily. "Give me a few."

He's here in seven minutes.

"They're at the diner," Edward says, turning around and heading opposite of Alice's house.

"It's okay, you can just—"

He looks at me and I shut up.

His blue eyes move from me to the road but mine stare a little longer. He's dressed in black jeans like me and a sweatshirt. Not even one tattoo peaks out from under his clothing. His boots squeak against the peddle every so often.

"You uhm, you look—"

"Mrs. Copeland says we're going to get like a foot and a half of snow," I interrupt, not wanting to know how he thinks I look.

"Oh."

"And I might not even be working the rest of the week," I tell him. "Well, that's what Mrs. Copeland said. If we get a lot of snow, she's calling me off."

He nods as we arrive.

When I step out of the car, I notice he hasn't turned it off yet, so I dip down and stare in.

"Aren't you coming in?" I ask.

He moves the car from park to reverse. "Nah. I gotta grab the shit for you and Alice. Tell her I'll drop it off—"

"But aren't you driving me to work tomorrow?"

"Bella," he says with a laugh and shake of his head. "You're either trying to get out me taking you or not. Pick one."

"Well, I mean, that's just what Mrs. Copeland said. Who knows what could happen."

He nods and chews on his lip before looking up at me. "You can let me know tomorrow."

"Okay," I say softly. "Uhm… thanks."

The door shuts before he says anything else, and I'm walking inside the diner alone.

"Where's Edward?" Jasper asks curiously, looking around.

"He said he's going to buy Alice the alcohol."

They share a look before we order our dinner.

That night, Alice tells me Jasper's coming over. I give them the privacy I specifically need, and head down into the spare room. Maybe it's just my imagination, but I can still smell him on the sheets, around the room, in my memories. It hurts, but it's okay.

I close my eyes and think about this room, what we did, what he said, everything. His fingers pressed against my skin, the burn of his lips on my neck, a tingling deep in my belly.

It's a shame he's so good at what he does because damn do I miss it.

Vodka or rum

It surprises me.

You're shopping now? I thought that's why you bailed on dinner.

I bailed because you didn't want me there.

Well, he's definitely wrong. I avoid his statement and send the answer to his original question.

Definitely not rum.

Four minutes later, he calls.

"Flavored?"

"Where are you?"

"The store. Flavored or…?"

"Uhhhmmm…" I trail off, thinking hard. And then I smile. "Surprise me." I blame it on this room and what we did, and the lightness I feel from it.

He chuckles a little and sighs. "Boy, you really shouldn't have said that."

"Why?"

"How drunk are you trying to get, little girl?"

"Little girl? Edward, how drunk are you right now?"

I can practically see him throwing his head back and laughing. It tingles into my stomach and the veins in my legs and my painted-blue-toenails.

"A lot, actually."

"You are? Did you drive? Do you need a ride? Jasper's upstairs with Alice, but—?"

"I'm good." I can hear the slow speech and the slurring now. "Where are you, Bella?"

"In the spare room. Who's driving you?"

"The spare room?" he asks lowly. "The same room I put my fingers—"

"Who's driving you, Edward?" I gulp, interrupting before he goes any further. It's bad enough my center is already pulsing from his voice and the memories of his fingers against me. I don't need to vocally relive it. Not to mention the anger coursing through me. How dare he hurt me and make me feel this way.

"Rosalie."

Seven letters sober my thoughts faster than anything ever has. It's like whiplash that hurts worse the more it happens.

"Oh. Uhm. Okay. Goodnight."

I hang up with the sound of his voice in my ear. I hate that he still has this effect on me.

It's just before midnight when I hear the door to the spare room open and Alice lay in the bed with me.

"Have fun?" I yawn into her face.

She smiles and grabs my hand and leads me upstairs.

"Don't worry, we fucked in the shower. I told him it was gross to do it in bed and then have you lay in it."

I smile a laugh and nod. "How kind of you."

She cuddles me from behind and pets my hair and we talk about what living Seattle might be like.

She falls asleep snoring in my ear for the second night in a row.

The next day I'm a little let down. Mrs. Copeland had me pumped about all this snow, and there's not even one little flake in the air.

Alice lays out a pair of leggings and an oversized sweater today. Okay, this isn't so bad. Comfortable and totally my style. It's off the shoulder, so it shows a little skin, but my hair covers it mostly.

We eat cereal in silence as her dad rolls a suitcase to the door.

"I left some money for pizza. Be good!" he says, kissing his forehead and waving to me.

I don't know why she gives him such a hard time. My heart thaws a little at their interaction, and even more so when Alice calls out, "be careful."

English sucks. We get assigned a research paper on a book that we pick out of a hat. I get one I already read, so at least I've got that.

Math really sucks. I got an 80% on a quiz that I actually studied for. And there's a test next week. Just great.

Lunch really, really sucks. Alice spends her time begging Mr. Banner for extra credit because she bombed the last exam, so it's just me and Jasper. And Jasper flags Edward over. So now it's just me, Jasper, and Edward.

They talk about Charlotte, Alistair, and Aro like I don't know who they are. They talk about Dim and what Charlotte's up to. How Alistair's related to Aro. Where Aro is.

"What do you mean?" I interrupt.

"He's been MIA since Monday night."

"You don't know where he is?" I ask.

Anxious isn't word. Neither is scared. Shitting my pants… now that's another story.

"Don't worry. He doesn't know where you are."

"That you know of. Alice's dad is gone until this weekend. It's not like we can fight him off. And what if he finds me at Alice's and something happens to her and—"

"Bella," Edward says, reaching under the table to grab my knee. He pulls me in. It's a smart move that no one can see but I can feel. His palm grips and pulls and yanks my attention from spiraling down right into his orbit. "We're taking care of it."

His words punch as he enunciates every word.

We're taking care of it.

I nod. And suddenly I'm reminded of something, but I'm already close to crying, and I don't want to let loose here. No. First I need to collect myself.

"Uhm, can I talk to you in private?" I ask quietly.

Edward looks down, then away, then nods. "I'll just give you two some space."

He stands to leave, and it dawns on me. He thinks I'm talking to Jasper.

"No. You, Edward," I say, looking over to him. "I want to tell you something my dad said, but I don't want to do it here. Or now."

He nods. "My car?"

"After science?"

"Okay."

So needless to say, science drags. Mr. Banner drones on and on about cells and shapes and blah blah blah. All I focus on is the back of Edward's body and sometimes the little nudges Alice gives me when I've been looking too intently at the dark ink playing peek a boo the sleeve of Edward's button up.

And when the bell rings, Edward and I part ways momentarily before sneaking out of school to the parking lot.

It's started to snow, but Mrs. Copeland still hasn't called off my shift.

Edward cracks a window and lights up a joint. He passes it to me and I take it this time. I need something to loosen me up, help me out, calm the vibrating nerves deep inside.

He watches my black painted fingernails grip the joint and then my lips as they press against the wet spot where his just were. With a lungful of smoke, I wonder if he ever thinks about me and my lips, and the way they fit against his when we'd kiss, and the form our bodies took as the collided, and –

"Breathe," he laughs, gripping my arm.

I don't realize I've been holding my breath this whole time until his skin against mine pulls me back.

"That one hit is going to fuck you up," he laughs again, leaning over to pull the joint from my fingers.

"Who's Rosalie?" I ask after I've gathered enough courage.

He sighs and shakes his head. "I'm not ready to answer that just yet."

It's like a white hot iron stabbing me from the inside out. "She must mean a lot to you," I tell him through hurt soaked words. My teeth find my lip instantly and bone pierces flesh.

Edward takes a hit, scrubbing his face, blowing the smoke out slowly. "It isn't what you think, Bella."

"Okay, Edward." But I don't believe it, and he can tell.

He changes the subject. "What did you want to talk about?"

So I fill him in on the what happened Monday after work. What my dad said, how calm he was, the last thing he said:

I don't want to see your face. Don't come back until Friday. And you make sure you tell Edward that. Friday.

Edward sits still before putting out the joint and driving out of the parking lot.

"Where are we going?"

"Your house."

"But—he said—Edward—I don't—"

His hand grips my knee again, but this time he doesn't look at me. "I know I haven't really given you reason to trust me, but I hope you know I'd never blatantly put you in harm's way."

I war with myself if I believe him or not. He doesn't have the best track record, that's for sure.

He drives the short distance back to my house and pulls off at the end of the road. The snow falls heavier around us and my phone finally rings.

"Hello?"

"Bella, dear. It's started, and we're absolutely dead here. I'm going to close up a little early. Stay safe."

"Okay, you too, Mrs. Copeland."

When we hang up, Edward's eyes fall onto my lips then my neck, and back to my lips.

"Mrs. Copeland is closing the library early. No work tonight."

Edward nods.

"I think Aro's hiding out at your house," he says. "And as unbelievable as this might sound, Bella, I think your dad was… protecting you."

"Shut the fuck up," I tell him irritably.

"I'm going to go knock—"

"No," I tell him immediately. "Edward, no."

"You stay here. It's fine, Bella. They won't hurt—"

"What if my dad said all that hoping you'd think he was "protecting me" but really just wanted you to check and they're going to hurt you or something?"

"I've been through worse. Don't worry about me."

His hand on the door scares me more than Aro ever has. "Edward, please don't go."

Tears well up in my eyes and I'm so embarrassed for this reaction. I can't explain it, but it's visceral.

Edward's body relaxes and he nods. "Okay, Bella."

We sit in the car, in soft silence, and watch my house. Only my dad's car sits parked in the gravel driveway. Ten, then twenty, then thirty minutes pass. Snow falls heavier, faster. White blankets the roads.

And then a black Dodge drives slowly down the road and pulls into my house. Aro and his son, Cassius, walk up the steps. Aro moves slowly still, and his son helps carry two duffle bags and holds the door. They're quiet as they enter.

"What's in the bags?" I ask Edward.

"No idea."

Edward's phone rings and he's very short.

"Hello?... Yep… Nope… Okay… You too."

I don't ask who it is, but he offer is anyways. "My dad. He's already seen three accident victims from reckless driving."

He drives me back to Alice's slowly and walks me in. Alice and Jasper are already there, cuddled up in the living room.

"Here's your shit," Edward says, placing two bags on the island in the kitchen.

"Thanks!" Alice beams.

"We put in some frozen pizzas. Want to stay for a movie? Alice has never seen Saw," Jasper asks.

"Oh fuck," Edward says with a laugh, but it's awkward. I move away, walking into the kitchen to grab a water bottle. "Bella, would you mind?" he asks quietly. The way he rubs the back of his neck the little pink of his cheeks makes me smile a little. He's nervous.

"Sure, Edward. Whatever."

It's weird to have the upper hand, and it's even weirder that I want him to stay.

~!~

We eat dinner and watch the movie and nearly puke at how vile it is. Alice starts drinking before the rest of us. Jasper lights up on the porch, and Edward sips from him water bottle. Snow lays on the wood where the boys stand outside.

"Is it weird?" Alice asks, pouring us a shot. We cheers, throw it back, and wince.

"Is what weird?"

"Having him here."

"Kind of but not really. It's familiar but—"

"But different?"

"Yeah. Really different."

Alice nods. "I get that, too. He's changed. He's not some cocky little dipshit anymore. I can actually stand to be around him… in short bursts… when I have to."

We both giggle.

When the boys come back in, Edward leans against the other side of the island and he and Jasper chat idly about nothing of importance while Alice and I throw back shots.

After the fourth, she hunts around the house for scissors. She's so convincing that she has the boys helping her, too. I sift through the kitchen drawers while she and Jasper look upstairs.

"Think it was a ploy to be alone?" Edward asks from a spot across the kitchen.

I scoff. "Makes sense."

"The fuck does she even need scissors for?" he asks irritably.

I shake my head because I don't know. Alice is Alice though. When she gets something in her head, she doesn't relent until it's done.

After a while of looking and maybe hearing the bed up above squeak from the weight of two bodies, I quit and pour myself another shot.

Silently, I look over to Edward and gesture, asking if he wants one.

He shakes his head. "Nah," he answers. I shrug my shoulders and throw it back, chasing with a can of soda. "I'm actually going to head out."

His comment haults my movements, but my eyes glance towards him.

"Uhm…" I start, trying to think of a reason he should stay, but I can't. I'm mad that I want him to stay, so I pour myself another. "Okay."

"Just… go easy, okay?"

"Easy on what, Edward?" It comes out with more venom than I intended.

"This shit. Alice and Jasper are equally as fucked up. No one's here to—"

"I don't need a babysitter, Edward."

He nods his head.

"Right. Okay. I'll see ya, Bella."

He grabs his stuff and makes it to the front door before I trip after him. Shit, that last shot maybe wasn't a great idea. "Edward," I call loudly. Standing in front of him, I'm hot. Literally. My skin burns and my pink cheeks turn bright red. He opens the door and the frigid breeze cools me tremendously. "Uhm, careful driving. You know… because of your dad."

"My dad?" he asks in confusion.

"Yeah. The accidents and stuff."

Edward smiles. "I'll do my best."

When he shuts the door, silence envelopes me… until Alice's moans fill the empty air.

The least they could've done was play some music.

~!~

Just after nine, she finds the scissors.

At 9:10, she begs to cut my hair.

At 9:11, I agree.

By 9:45, we've watched enough hair tutorials on Youtube to basically be hair stylists ourselves, so when she makes the first cut, I'm more excited than scared.

I think about Edward and all the moments he ran his hands through my hair. The scrape of his nails against my scalp. His lips at my hairline. When he'd ask me to never cut it.

Butterflies swarm in my belly. The idea of defying Edward excites me.

Edward.

My drunk brain swims with thoughts of him.

I miss him. I want him. I hate him. I like him.

Did you make it home? I manage to text as sharp scissors cut through the rest of my hair. It's not short, but it's definitely shorter. Weight has literally been lifted from my shoulders.

Yes.

Okay. that's good.

Thinking about me, are you?

Didn't want your death haunting my conscience.

If I'm going to haunt something, it wouldn't be your conscience.

Than what?

You don't want to know.

He sends me into an all-consuming tizzy, and I let him.

I think I already know.

I know you do.

As Alice excitedly talks behind me and Jasper watches from the other side of the room, I text Edward. Normally.

Whatever normal is for us.

Why'd you have to leave?

My dad has me on curfew.

Oh. Why?

Because I'm bad, Bella.

Shut the hell up.

He sends back a laughing emoji and I actually laugh out loud.

I really am, but whatever. Shouldn't you have your head in a toilet by now?

I'm not a puker. You know that.

He stops responding but I keep checking my phone every few minutes to make sure there's not missed text.

After twenty minutes, I sigh and put it on the coffee table.

"Done!" Alice yells behind me, swatting my fresh ends.

In the bathroom mirror, I look at myself. Honestly, it's pretty good. My dark hair is somehow shinier, much bouncier, and I look different. Mature. Something. I don't know.

"Wowza," Jasper says, catching my gaze in the mirror.

"Good or bad?" I ask, half freaking out.

His brows raise and his high eyes sparkle. "Definitely good."

Alice settles next to me and smiles. "You look amazing."

Alice cut layers into my hair so it's not just one length, and it moves as I shake it.

"I feel like I should cry or something," I joke, but the sound of Jasper's phone ringing cuts me off.

He sits on the tub while Alice plays with different hairstyles.

"Yo," he answers. Silence. Silence. More silence. And then he sighs. "Fuck." He spreads his fingers through his hair. And then he looks up. At me. "Saturday… cool… Peace."

"What was that about?" Alice asks lightly, focused on me still.

"Just some fucking bullshit."

"Dimitri trouble?" she asks like she's in the know. She probably is in the know, and it hurts that I'm not.

"We have to go to his house Saturday. All of us."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Not again. You know last time you stuck me in a room with those hookers and—"

"This time you'll have Bella."

He watches me and I shake my head. "I'm not going."

"You are."

"Jasper. I'm absolutely not." I'm about to cross my arms like a six year old, but his next line scares me.

"If you want both of us out of the business you will."

Well… shit.

I roll my eyes and uncross my arms. "Fine," I pout. "For you."

He smirks and nods. "Whatever you say, princess."

Alice giggles behind me and I decide it's time for bed.

~!~

"Snow day! Snow day! Snow day!" an overly cheery voice calls from down the hall.

Alice.

When I crack my eye open, it's barely even light out.

"Bella!" she calls, smiling down at me from above.

My whole body stretches along the length of the couch that I fell asleep on last night.

"Alice, it's too freaking early."

"No school today, Bells! There's, like, so much snow out there."

She disappears and I fall back asleep immediately.

~!~

Alice wakes me up for good at nine, but we let Jasper sleep. I can hear him snore from downstairs.

"Jeez, Allie, how do you deal with that?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I usually push him or punch him or wake him up violently."

We make enough waffles to feed an army and freeze the rest.

"Your hair looks sooo cute, Bella. You long hair was beautiful, but this is something else. More mature. Goddess-like. I love it!"

Her compliments heat me up in the best way. "You're just saying that because you did it."

"No way! Even Jasper said you look fine as hell."

This takes me by surprise. "Really?"

"Hell yeah."

I wonder what Edward will think.

~!~

There's a break in the snow fall from two to five, and the three of us make our way outside to shovel. Jasper does most of the work, Alice and I play fight, throw snowballs, and build an igloo. Or try to. That's hard freaking work.

I'm almost done with my wall when the sound of another car turns in.

Edward.

My pink cheeks tingle from the frigid air, and I pull my beanie down further on my head to cover my ears.

I hear the scrape of two shovels as Alice pelts me with a snowball.

"You okay?" she asks quietly. "I know we agreed that he's different, but he still hurt you. If you want me to kick him out—"

"No," I say, shaking my head. "It's okay."

Alice grips my hand and pulls me across the other side of the driveway, in front of the boys who have stopped and are watching us.

Edward stares blankly, his mouth sort of a gape, surprised, brows knitted slightly. His breath puffs clouds into the air, drifting my way.

We fall to the ground, feet pointing opposite directions so our heads meet in the middle. Snow and sleet form together around the weight of our bodies. It's like sitting in a wet fridge, only colder and sharper.

She tosses her arms and legs out. I follow suit.

"Talk to me," she whispers so they can't hear.

The sound of plastic against the cement driveway tunes out their conversation, so I know they can't hear ours.

"I'm scared."

"Why?"

"Because I like him here."

"Why?"

"Why am I scared of that or why do I like him here?"

"Both."

I sigh and stop and think. Then I say whatever comes to mind.

"He was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. First as a best friend, and then as a… whatever we were. Both times he hurt me. He said he was protecting me, but how could the alternative have been any better? I don't get it."

"Did you ask him?"

I shake my head and look at her. "I'm afraid I'll cry."

"So?" she says easily. Her eyes look like marbles against the crisp, white snow.

"I don't want to cry in front of him," I admit.

"Crying doesn't mean weak, Bells. Crying means hurt, angry, disappointed."

"It'll make him uncomfortable."

"Good!"

Alice spends another minute or two talking sense into me as we look up at the gray sky.

"I'm so mad at myself for missing him, Alice."

She's quiet for a bit.

"Maybe that's okay."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's okay to be mad. At yourself, at him, at whoever. You were hurt by a lot of people. I guess you just need to take time to learn if you want to accept and forgive or accept and move on. How will you ever know if you don't give yourself a chance?"

I mull over her words for a while, touching the icy snow with my fingertips until they're numb and my sweats are soaked.

"Okay," I whisper, sitting up.

She smiles up at me and I lend her a hand to pull her up. The cotton material of these sweats are sticking to both of us, and the boys are almost done with the shoveling, so Alice and I undress in the laundry room and run upstairs just as the front door opens.

I hope into the shower first while Alice gets us towels. I lather up with her shower gel and listen to her go on and on about Jasper and his tongue.

"Alice, please," I beg, grabbing a towel and drying off as she steps into the shower.

I wrap it around my body as she continues like I never said anything.

"He does this thing where he nudges my hips up with his shoulders and pins my wrists down so I can't move. Fuuuuck Bella. Do you have any idea—"

"No!" I tell her with a laugh. "No, I don't have any idea, Allie."

She peaks her head out. "Well, you will someday. And never settle for a guy who gives bad head. Or bad dick. Life's too short!"

"I'll remember that," I say with a laugh and cross the hall to her bedroom, picking out a pair of denim and a long sleeve shirt.

My short hair dries almost all the way by the time I dress, brush on some makeup, and fold my discarded clothes around.

Alice waltzes in naked just as I pull out the hairdryer. It doesn't phase me, I've seen her naked so many times, but the amount of hickies on her body takes me by surprise.

"You look like a leppar."

She smiles down at the reddened marks across her belly and legs.

"I don't want my dad to see, but I still love when he marks me."

Now this I can relate to, and it makes me smile.

Downstairs, the boys sit on the couch and flip through the channels. Jasper's slouched on the love seat, remote in his hand. Edward's relaxed on the couch, thumbing through his phone.

"Hi," I say to them as Alice climbs into Jasper's lap."

"Hey," they say back.

"Uhm, what do you guys want for dinner?"

Alice and Jasper are too busy sucking face to respond, so I turn on my heal.

"Please let me help," Edward begs, walking with my through the hall into the kitchen. "I can see them get it on one more fucking time." He says it seriously, hand through his hair, pulling at the roots.

"Ok."

After checking the ingredients, I pull out my phone and look through the images. I took pictures of some of my favorite recipes my mom wrote in her recipe book for times like this.

A small smile plays on my lips.

"Hey Edward?"

"Yeah?" he asks from a seat at the island.

"Thank you for my recipe books."

He doesn't smile but he acknowledges. "They were stashed in a box in your old shed. I'm sure they smell but—"

"They're perfect."

This time he smiles and my ice-cold heart thaws a few degrees.

~!~

"What do I do next?" he asks after browning the meat while I work on the cheese layer.

He looks at me like I'm crazy when I instruct him to add the sauce and paste, but my hands are covered in ricotta cheese, so he listens.

Then, we're combining our layers over flat noodles and sliding it into the oven.

"That was pretty easy," he says, satisfied with himself.

Alice and Jasper are still making out in the living room, so we turn back to the kitchen.

"Want a drink?" I ask, pulling the juice from the fridge and making a drink.

He nods, so I make one for him too.

His is gone in three gulps and then he's pouring another.

We don't really say much to each other, but the silence isn't horrible. He says the roads were clearing up, but they're absolutely snow covered right now. He says his dad got home at three in the morning and went back in at one. He says Jasper and Alice are always all over each other and it makes even him sick. When we hear the first moan, he requests that we start doing shots.

He's three in and I'm only two deep when he looks at me with soft eyes. His blues are deep and sparkly and maybe I'm just a little drunker than I thought.

"Your hair," he says with a smile.

"I cut it."

Edward scoots over just slightly and touches the ends like he used to. But the ends are so much closer to my face now.

"I can see that."

Memories of him telling me not to cut it, gripping my long hair in his hand, pulling on it while he—

"I like it," I justify.

He smiles wide. "Me too."

~!~

When the timer goes off for the lasagna, Edward and Jasper are outside shoveling the driveway and Alice is on the phone with her dad.

"Yeah it's really snowing out dad. Bella and I are just chilling. They're already canceling school tomorrow." She pauses and nods at whatever her dad is saying. "Dad, I wouldn't even want Jasper on the road right now it's so bad how could you think I'd risk his life—" she stops and rolls her eyes. "I know. Bella's making us some dinner and we're just going to watch movies on the couch, finish some homework. We're being good, dad, don't worry." Alice pours herself a drink as she lies through her teeth.

The lasagna cools on the stove as I pop in some garlic bread that I made. It's not the best, but it'll do.

Then I set the dining room table like we're real adults with a real home. I almost believe it until Alice says goodbye to her dad.

She's much like Edward in that she downs her drink quickly before mixing another. I've been toasted for an hour or so. Enough to laugh with Edward at the table grabbing Alice's attention. She walked in smiling, asking Edward to help Jasper shovel.

And then she grilled me.

I told her everything I could, but there wasn't much to say. He's toasted too, so it's easy to find things to laugh at.

"But did you talk to him about everything?" she asks.

"That's a heavy conversation to be had while cooking dinner while our best friends are doing it on the couch down the hall."

She shakes her head. "We weren't doing that…" she trails off with a smile.

"Mhm."

~!~

We eat dinner, we break bread, we laugh.

Jasper smiles so high it actually reaches his eyes. Alice pours us all a super strong drink. Edward gets hot and peels off his sweatshirt.

The tattoos.

"Jasper, can I see your lasagna tattoo?"

He looks at me curiously and then smiles.

"You sure you wanna see that, Princess?"

I don't even flinch at the name.

"Yeah. I saw the pizza for you on Edward."

He nods and stands. He unbuttons his pants. He pulls them down to his knees.

"Woah, what're you—"

"Showing you the lasagna."

Edward shakes his head and Alice giggles.

Jasper's boxers are gray plaid and loose. Thank god. He pulls up the right leg of his boxers and reveals a quarter sized tattoo a cartoon looking lasagna that matches the style of Edward's pizza tattoo. But it's right next to his—

"Why there?" I ask in confusion.

He shrugs. "Lost a bet."

I look between the two and shake my head. "You two lose a lot of bets."

The boys bark out laughs and nod.

"We definitely do."

"How about a game of truth or drink?" Alice suggests, setting the bottle down in the middle of the table. "And Jasper can… I don't know… smoke or something."

Everyone agrees, but I'm a little nervous.

Alice winks and so I nod. She must have something up her sleeve.

"Here's the rules: there are none. No getting out of any question by refusing to answer or drink."

"Lord," I groan, filling up my cup with my more juice knowing I'll be drinking a lot.

"We'll all go around the table asking a question to someone. You must answer or drink. Period. Got it? Great. Edward, why the fuck did you break Bella's heart?"

We're stunned speechless.

"Way to rip the bandaid off, babe," Jasper laughs, rubbing her back.

Edward looks at his drink but doesn't touch it.

"I thought that breaking up with Bella would keep her safe. I see now that it did the opposite. I wanted nothing more than to make sure Bella was secure in this fucked up life and happy."

"So you thought breaking up with her after everything would make her… happy? Wow. You're dumber than I thought."

"I thought she would be in a better position if she didn't get any more involved with me or the people I associate with. Like Dimitri. I wanted her to—"

"Can we stop talking about me like I'm not in the room right now?"

Edward turns to me. He's right across from me at the table. His eyes are dark blue and the tinge of pink on his cheeks makes him look nervous.

"Dimitri wanted you as a pawn. I wasn't going to let that happen."

"And now? I heard I have to go to this fucking dinner or something on Saturday."

Edward nods. "Dimitri doesn't believe we ever really together. He doesn't think we're committed."

"We're not. Not anymore."

He turns to Jasper. "Did you not tell her everything?"

"Huh?" I ask.

Jasper shakes his head no. Edward sighs. "Tell her."

"You fucking do it," Jasper says with a chuckle.

"Bella, we need to—" he pauses in frustration. "We have to pretend we're together… again."

"Excuse me?"

"Dimitri found out Jasper and I are out next year—"

"You're quitting?"

He nods. "Trying to. He's letting Jasper out easily. Me not so much."

"And where do I come into play?"

"I told him I'm in a… committed… relationship and that I won't risk anything like the safety of my family for this job. When he asked who… I said your name."

"You what?" I whisper in confusion.

"He didn't believe me so he wants to see with his own eyes that we're together."

"But we're not."

"Jasper said he talked to you. That you were cool with this?

Everyone looks to Jasper.

"Did I say that?" Jasper says with a smile, playing dumb.

My heartrate picks up. I'm instantly nervous. "And how exactly are we going to do that?"

"Let's figure that out later," Edward says simply, staring Jasper down.

"Edward?" Alice asks.

"What?" he snaps.

"Your turn."

"Jasper why the fuck did you lie?"

Jasper rolls his eyes. "Alice and I are so fucking sick of you two pussyfooting around. Edward you're obsessed with Bella, and Bella you still fucking like him! Quit making your lives harder and just… fix it already!"

We're stunned into silence. No one speaks.

"Bella, do you still have feelings for Edward?"

I look around the room at the curious eyes. Alice's tell me it's okay. Jasper's tell me don't you dare lie. Edward's scream in hope.

Hope.

Hope.

I fucking hate hope.

So I go for my drink, but Jasper reaches it for it faster and pushes it away.

"I—" I start, stumbling over my words. "I—I don't…" and when I look at Edward, the hope spills out onto the table, touching my hands, my wrists, seeping into my skin. "I think so."

I fucking hate hope.

"But I don't know what that means!" I interrupt everyone's curious minds. "I don't know if that means anything at all."

But Edward's smile and his downtrodden eyes make my stomach flip flop repeatedly.

"Alice, was this your plan all along?" I ask.

She smiles confidently. "Yes."

Alice stands and clears everyone's plates while Edward and I sit at the table. I've got no energy to help and every question in the book runs through my mind.

"Ask me," he says.

"Ask you what?"

Edward pours two shots and slides one to me.

"Anything. I know you have a lot. I'll answer anything."

"Did you dump me after I gave you a blowjob because that's all you wanted?"

"Fuck no. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I didn't think you'd break my fucking heart."

He nods. "Fair. What next?"

I smile. "Did you do it so you wouldn't have to return the favor."

Edward smirks and my center palpitates. "Hell no," he answers, throwing back a shot and filling up another. "I'm disappointed it ended before I could. Next?"

I can't think of anything else but what he just said, so I take the shot and down it, pushing the glass towards him to refill. He fills it half way which I appreciate.

"How are we going to convince Dimitri and do you think it'll work?"

"If we convince him? Yes. If we don't? It'll piss him off. So, I was thinking we have to lay it on thick but not too thick."

"How?"

"None of that obvious shit. We can't be all over each other in front of him or he'll sniff it out. We have to sneak away while he's gone so when he comes back, he sees we're missing. He's got cameras in a bunch of rooms and outside, but we should avoid being seen on those because that comes off fake, too. And whatever we do, it has to be natural."

"I don't know if I can," I tell him honestly.

Edward nods. "Understandable. If you do this for me, I'll make it up to you. I'll owe you in the biggest way possible."

I sort of chuckle at the thought. "How exactly could you ever repay me?"

He smirks. "I can think of one thing." And then he fucking winks before throwing back the shot.

"No," I say, shaking my head. "No way. That ship has sailed. You had your opportunity and messed it up."

But the thought excites both me and my orgasm starved vagina.

"Then whatever you can think of, Bella. I would literally owe you my life."

And there it is. I'd be saving him. I'd be helping any future he has. I would be his escape.

"I'll try Edward, but I'm not promising anything."

He looks to me and nods. "Thank you," he says quietly. "Next?"

"How many girls were you with?"

He sighs and it scares me. "I fucked two. One was this brunette at Dim's party and I only did it because she looked like you. And Charlotte. And I only hooked up with her because I was high on E. I didn't even know it was her really."

"What about other stuff?"

"Just the brunette. I only fucked her once, but she looked so much like you that it was easy to pretend. She gave me head a handful of times. That's all. As much as people want to say otherwise. I'd tell you the truth."

I nod skeptically.

"Can I ask you one question?"

"Okay."

Edward looks over at me and takes his shot. "Did you think about me when you were with Alistair?"

I down mine too. "Yes."

"When you were with him, Bella?" His voice lowers.

"Yes," I whisper back.

Edward pours me another one.

"Did he make you come?"

My mouth dries hearing him say that word. Goosebumps prickle my skin.

"You said one question."

He lowers his eyes and nods. "Next?" Edward relents.

"No."

Slowly, he looks up. "No more questions?"

"No, he didn't make me come." I whisper the last part ashamedly.

His eyes dance across my face looking for any sign of dishonesty but there's isn't even a speck. I take my shot.

"Who's Rosalie?"

Edward leans away with a sigh.

"Rosalie is… complicated."

"Is she the other girl who reminded you of me?"

"Rosalie's my sister."

Sister.

He has a sister.

"You don't have a sister."

"That's what I thought."

"What?"

Before freaking out, I let Edward tell me the entire story. He tells me what it was like meeting her for the first time, how she lives in Seattle, attends medical school at the university of Washington, has a fiancé, and that she's particularly fond of me.

"How does she know about me?"

"I told her."

"Why?"

"She asked."

"About me specifically?"

"If I had a girlfriend."

This floors me.

"But you didn't. You don't."

"I told her I almost did but I fucked up any chance I ever had. She knows about the drugs, about my control issues, and she's getting me help. Rosalie, as huge of a pain in the ass as she's been, is helping."

"So, like, how often do you see her?"

"She comes into town once a month, and we meet for dinner in Port Angeles on the weekend."

"Oh. That's quite a bit."

He nods and pushes a shot towards me. "You look like you need this."

"Edward, what's your plan?"

"What's your plan, Bella?"

"To get the fuck out of here."

He nods. "Mine too."

"I didn't get accepted to UDub."

"Is it the end of the world?" he asks after a minute.

"It was my plan and—"

"But is it the end of the world, Bella?"

"No. I guess not."

"Then we can deal with it."

"We?"

"You. We. You and Alice. Whatever. You'll persevere because that's what you do."

"I'm sick of being complimented on how well I handle the bullshit thrown at me."

Edward nods. "Sounds like a great college application essay."

Jasper and Alice come back and sit down, and the conversation turns easy, fun, and light. If I close my eyes and forget who I am, it almost feels like flying again.

~!~

"Hit me," Edward says, arms up to block these fake hits I've been giving him.

"I am," I tell him, making a fist and pulling my arm back to strike.

"Stop," he says, straightening up and walking over.

After Alice passed out like the light weight she is, Edward and Jasper decide they want to teach me to fight.

"Now what?" I whine.

"When you punch, you mainly strike with your knuckles." Edward grips my wrist and tightens my fist. "Curl your thumb over your fingers. Never ever curl them under your fingers. You'll break your thumb when you punch. Got it?" I nod slowly. "Okay. Throw one at me."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, Edward. What if I hurt you?"

He smirks, and boy does it cause flutters in my tummy. "C'mon. Don't act like you haven't fantasized about punching me the last few months."

True story.

So I do it.

I tighten my fist, fix my thumb, pull my arm back, and shove it towards him.

But he catches it in his fist.

"Rule number one: never cock your fist back. They'll be able to anticipate your move."

I can't help but giggle. And then my giggle turns into a fit of laughter.

"What?" he asks, looking over to Jasper.

I sway in my spot and giggle harder. "Cock."

Edward rolls his eyes, chuckles softly, and shakes his head. "Rule number two: don't punch too fast or too far. A punch with less distance will be more powerful. Rule number three: Throw your entire weight into your punch, not just your arm. Show me."

I try to remember what all he's said, but it gets lost, and I end up barely even touching Edward.

"Let us show you, Princess," Jasper says, moving me out of the way.

I watch in boredom as Jasper and Edward swing, and block, and hit, and duck. I'll never be able to do all this, and they better not be expecting me to. I'm grateful they're wanting to teach me when I'm drunk and giggly, but I'm not a boxer. I'm a seventeen year old girl.

As the boys roughhouse, I fall down onto the couch, turn the TV on and down, and eventually pass out as I flip through the channels.

~!~

The next time I wake up, it's just after ten, and the house doesn't make a sound. Not even a TV plays.

There's a figure curled up on the loveseat to the left of the couch. Long legs stick out off the arm and he looks so uncomfortable in his sleep. I could've taken the loveseat if he had woken me up.

As I tiptoe down the hall and up the stairs, Alice's door is half shut. I see two bodies completely calm on her bed. Alice and Jasper must still be asleep.

Quietly, I make my way to the kitchen and begin clean up. Someone was smart enough to put the leftovers in the fridge. As I clean, I double check we do in fact have a snow day and then peer outside. A good six inches fell since last night, and it's so quiet, peaceful, still.

"It's really pretty, don't you think?" Edward asks from behind me.

It doesn't scare me, but he does surprise me.

I nod in agreeance. "I don't think I could live in a place that didn't have snow."

"You don't want to live on the beach and sweat your ass off everyday?"

I shake my head. "I'll take cold, wet winters and beautiful, vibrant Autumns over one hundred degree heat any day."

"Agreed."

It's still early, so Edward and I sit alone in the living room for another hour before the other two get up. Once they do, the boys head out and shovel while Alice and I clean up and reheat the waffles from yesterday.

"He loves you," Alice says out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"Edward. He so loves you. I can feel it," she says while popping four frozen waffles into the toaster.

I can't help but laugh. "I'm glad your feeling that, Alice, but I'm not."

She shakes her head. "You're wrong."

"Oh. Uh. Okay?"

She opens her mouth to finish but the boys walk in and I can't.

She smiles at me, hopeful of whatever last night was.

Hopeful.

The one thing I hate, but the one thing I can't stop myself from feeling.

Hopeful.