I'd just like to give a shout out to all you lovely, kind reviewers who leave nothing but nice words, thoughts on the plot, or thoughts on these character's development! I loooove reading what you have to say, your ideas, etc., so keep them coming.
This is probably my favorite Edward chapter of this story so far. He definitely made me swoon a few times writing him. Let me know if you agree :)!
A real date.
With Bella.
I can't believe she's willing to accept and forgive and give me another chance.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
Fuck.
Nervousness creeps in and swarms around under my skin like a million bees. I so don't want to go to school.
I'm fucking over high school. And Aro. And honestly Dim, too.
He hasn't said one word about Bella or me or anything.
The night of the dinner party, as he released us to leave, he called Jasper and I back and just said Aro is giving him trouble still but he wants us to steer clear of Charlie Swan.
I'm going to be so pissed if Dim caps him when I'm in the same room as him. I don't want this shit on my conscience or my record. I'm not an accessory to the fact or whatever the fuck it'll be.
But I'm trying to play nice with Dim so he let's me go.
The thing I didn't tell Bella is that if Dim decides to keep me, not release me, I'm stuck with him. There's no escaping. I've seen what he's done to guys who broke code and contracts. He goes after them, their wealth, their loved ones.
My family and friends won't be fucked over just because I got myself locked into this nightmare of a life.
Instead, I'll play the game Dimitri wants.
I'll find Aro. I'll fuck him up and wear his blood if Dim asks me too. I just want out.
Throwing the blankets off of me and giving a big stretch, I walk into my bathroom and shower.
My dad's already downstairs drinking a coffee and reading the paper.
"You know it's probably free online," I say, pulling out a water bottle and putting it in my backpack.
"No way," he says with a smile and shake of his head. "I like the smell of the ink especially on rainy days."
He's different that's for sure.
Shit between us has cleared up. Rosalie has been… a huge help, honestly. My dad's learning to trust me and have faith. I told him everything pretty much. When I started seeing my therapist again, she recommended family therapy once a month, and it's been helping.
He knows about my drug usage, that I'm absolutely in lust with Bella Swan, and that I'm trying to have a real future.
I left out about the part where I sell drugs for a living—I don't think he really needs to know that right now.
"See ya, kiddo," he says as I walk to the front door. "Love you."
It's still so hard to hear, but I'm trying. "Bye, dad."
~!~
I don't see Bella right away, I don't even really feel her.
And yes, I can feel her. Like Spidey sense or some shit.
Alice traipses around with Jasper as they lock pinkies.
My eyes flit around the halls, but nothing.
I don't see her until lunch.
"Hey," I rush out, sitting across from her.
She looks up with a smile. "Hi."
It's just the two of us for now while Jasper and Alice stand in line.
"You look pretty," I tell her honestly.
I don't even really know what she's wearing, but fuck her face is beautiful.
She sort of giggles. "Edward I'm in an old sweatshirt and jeans. My hair is dirty. I don't have any makeup—"
"You look pretty." I enunciate ever word as clear as day.
She smiles with little pink cheeks. "Thank you."
~!~
In science, Mr. Banner hands out a study guide and says, "this is due by Friday. Test is next Tuesday. I do not advise you wait until the last minute to start it."
When he gives us a break, I turn around and interrupt my favorite girl and her best friend.
"Come over to my house. Let's work on this together."
"I work all week," Bella says.
"Come over after? I'll pick you up."
Come on, Bella, give me something.
She squints her eyes and looks directly at me. "Why?"
When I smile, I fucking mean it. "Because I fucking miss you."
I see Alice give her a little nudge, but Bella's still quiet.
"And I miss your chili. I haven't had a home cooked meal since you made it."
Maybe that's what does it.
"The library is closed Wednesday for a roof repair. We can study then."
My smile lights up my face I just know it. "Perfect."
She smiles back.
Fuck I want to kiss her. Throw her down on this lab table and spread her legs. Peel down her panties and feel her warmth against me. Smell her arousal. Watch her budding nipples color red. Whisper how much I fucking love—
"Is that all?" Alice asks like she's annoyed.
"Huh?"
"You're still staring, Cullen."
"Oh. Uhm, yeah. That's all."
Alice smirks because she knows. When the bell rings, I take my time cleaning up until my balls loosen and my dick softens.
It's been way too long since I've released, and I know I'll need to before Bella comes over Wednesday. I've been trying hard to work on myself, on my demons… but some I just can't control.
And when it comes to Bella, the devil in my pants is always up to no good.
~!~
Monday after school, Rosalie calls.
"Brother!" she starts just like every call.
"What's up?"
"I was wondering if you wanted to meet up for dinner on Friday? Emmett's coaching so he can't make it but—"
"I'm actually busy that night."
"Oh? With what?" Rosalie knows about Dimitri, but not everything. She's always suspicious though.
"I have a date."
"A date? I thought you were like obsessed with Bella still? Are you moving on?" she asks cautiously.
"It's with Bella."
"Oh. Oh!" she says excitedly. "Edward that's…"
"I know."
"Call me this weekend and tell me how it is. Tell her your big sister wants to meet her! Maybe Carlisle can come too. We can all meet for dinner. Wouldn't that be—"
Rosalie didn't grow up with a great support system. She was in and out of foster homes, which is where she met her fiancé, Emmett. I know she so desperately wants to be part of my family, but I'm so guarded my own father is barely part of my family.
"Okay, Rosalie. Let's just see how Friday goes, okay? I don't want to scare her off."
She agrees and we move on.
Monday night is absolutely horrible. By ten, my power goes out. There's a huge storm overhead and I'm not like a pussy about thunderstorms, but the lightening has always freaked me out.
I try calling J, no answer. He's probably passed out or with Alice.
So I call Bella.
"Hello?" she answers quietly.
"Some storm, huh?"
She laughs slightly. "Yeah. Knocked my power out, what about yours?"
"Been out for twenty minutes. Bored out of my mind."
"I'm just reading. You should try it."
"Is it smutty?"
"Nah."
"Then I'll pass."
She giggles and it's nice.
"So what do I need to get from the store for Wednesday?"
"Uhm ground beef, tomato sauce, tomato paste, garlic, onions, balsamic vinegar, shredded cheese—"
"Actually, maybe it's better if you just text it."
"Okay, I can do that."
I hate to admit, but it's a little awkward tonight.
"Was I interrupting something? You seem distracted," I admit.
"Oh, uh, no. Not really anyways."
"What was it? Knitting a sweater? Paint by numbers?"
She sort of laughs, sort of clears her throat. "No, nothing that boring. I was just…"
"It's okay. I won't laugh, Bella. I mean, you don't have to tell me, I was just curious that's all."
"Honestly," she sighs, "I was trying to get that vibrator you bought for me a few months ago to work. I, uhm, I pulled it out tonight, but it won't hold a charge and I've barely even used it."
"Oh." I'm taken aback.
"I wasn't going to… I mean I was just… I'm throwing away things in my room, you know, getting a head start on some stuff for when I move. I remembered the toys you bought, and I just figured I'd see if they even work."
"Well, if you bring them with you Wednesday maybe I can see if I can get them to work."
"It's just the one, but okay."
"So the other one works then?"
I can hear her swallow. "Yeah, that one works."
"Hm," I say with a knowing smile. My dick thickens in my boxers, but I don't want to make this weird for her. I try to remind myself I want to date Bella, not stick my dick in her. I mean, yes, definitely that, too. First date, then fuck. I mean, wait… Ugh, you know what I mean!
"Remember our old game of twenty questions?" she asks, her mood lighter.
"Yes."
"Wanna play? Right now?"
"Sure. Uhm. What's your favorite holiday?" I ask easily.
"Fourth of July."
"I always thought it was Christmas?" I ask, thinking back to childhood.
"With my mom, yes. Now? I love the fourth of July. No expectations, but Alice always invites me over for fireworks and a picnic. It's nice."
"Oh, right."
"Who do you think is the prettiest girl in our school, and you can't say—"
"You."
"You can't say me!" she giggles.
"Alice."
"Really?"
"I have no fucking clue. I'm too busy looking at you."
She's quiet, but I can hear the way her blood blossoms against her snow white cheeks.
"You didn't always look at me."
"I did, I just didn't want to see what was in front of my face. Who do you think is the hottest guy at our school?"
"Well, there's really not a whole lot to choose from. I could probably narrow it down to—"
"Bella," I warn jovially.
"Probably you. Or Jasper. If Alice never got with Jasper, I might have."
"What? Are you fucking with me?"
"Nope. I never wanted to leave high school a virgin. I still don't. Jasper is very aloof, mysterious. There's definitely appeal there."
"And there's none here?" I ask a little wounded.
"Edward," she laughs. "There is. Of course there is."
"What's the appeal then?"
"Your honesty."
I nod because I get that. I like that.
"Even if you can be a little harsh sometimes."
I nod because I get that, too.
We continue on asking each other questions in an easy, friendly manner. Sometimes I create raunchy, oversexualized jokes like when she says her best gift she ever got was a facial and I tell her I could have given her one for free. Bella sort of gasps and giggles and doesn't sound disgusted. That definitely stirs the devil downstairs. But then other times she's the one making the dirty jokes like when she asks what my favorite fruit is and I tell her cherries. You can sort of see where that joke went…
To be honest, I don't even like cherries. I fucking hate them, but I wanted to see if she'd flirt back and she abso-fucking-lutely did.
Just before we get off the phone, and through yawn, she says, "tell me a secret, Edward."
"I can't stop thinking about you, Bella."
~!~
It's Tuesday morning and still raining. Correction: it's a major downpour.
You need a ride? I ask Bella when I get up.
Alice is picking me up, but thanks.
I wait in my car until I see them. Jasper, Alice, Bella.
The lovebirds walk hand in hand and Bella beside them. She's laughing, holding and umbrella over her head, and she looks happy.
And then Victoria walks right up to her and bumps her. Correction: elbows her in the ribs.
Bella loses her balance, trips on her shoe, and catches herself right in a puddle next to the sidewalk.
She kneels there as Alice tries to get her up. I'm already out of my car, walking up to the school, red and black distorting my view.
"Woah there, partner," J says with a laugh. "Catch yourself," her warns.
I don't even see him as I push him away, but he grabs my shoulder and squeezes tight.
"Leave it," he warns again.
This time, my eyes find his. He's asking what exactly are you going to? Beat up a girl at school? And yes, I guess that was my plan, but I see what he means.
I walk over to Bella.
"Are you hurt?" I ask.
"Just my pride," she laughs.
"You're soaked."
Inside, I help her out of her sweatshirt. She's only got on a thin tee shirt and her nipples stare me down. Fuck.
"Here," I say, pulling my hoodie overhead. I'm left in only a black tee shirt, but it'll be fine.
"No, you'll be cold."
"Take it," I demand, putting it in her hands.
And then I leave.
"Can I speak to Mr. Greene?" I ask the secretary who shows me right in.
"Mr. Cullen?" the principal says in surprise. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I'd like to report bullying."
~!~
Mr. Greene doesn't quite take me seriously but then I bring up the board of education and how fast things travel on social media. He straightens up real quick before explaining it'll be looked into.
I remind him of all the cameras around the school as evidence, you know, because they've been used against me so many times in the past.
He swallows heavily and nods.
At lunch, Bella sits solemnly, staring off and on at Victoria's empty spot in the lunchroom.
"Didn't you hear?" Alice says with a smile. "She's in in-school suspension for two weeks!"
"What, why?" Bella asks.
Alice shrugs. "Not like she doesn't deserve it."
So Mr. Greene did listen. Good.
Bella still wears my Beastie Boys hoodie and her hairs waved easily from the rain.
I have to admit, I was pretty fucking sad when I saw she cut her hair. But now? Now I might even like it more.
Maybe it's not her hair and it's just Bella.
Yeah, maybe it's just Bella.
"Dim needs us Sunday," Jasper says after lunch.
"Another dinner thing?" I ask, rolling my eyes. That's all he ever does now.
"No, we're supposed to meet him at first beech."
"Why?" I ask. That's totally unusual.
He shrugs. "Guess we'll find out.
Science is so easy it kills me. We're able to work in pairs to get the study guide completed, but when I turn around Alice smirks.
"Sorry, Edward. She's mine."
Shit.
Sighing, I turn back around and get to work on my own.
Sorry. Bella texts after ten minutes.
It's cool. Just don't work too hard—save some for tomorrow ; )
I don't even need the book to answer most of these questions, so I finish the first page slowly. When I chance a look behind me, the girls are barely working and are sharing secret giggles that stop when they see me.
"What's the answer to number 12?" I ask Alice.
"Recessive," she replies.
Wrong.
When I turn back around, Bella lights up my phone.
It's Dominant, but she's hardheaded.
It makes me laugh. I know. I just wanted to know what made you guys laugh so hard.
You really wanna know?
I don't know, do I?
Did you know Jasper's got a third nipple?
Now I'm laughing out loud.
In all our years of friendship… No, I can't say I knew that, Bella. But thank you.
; )
~!~
Later that night, she texts again.
What do you want me to do with your hoodie?
What are my options?
I can wash it and return it to you… or I can keep it?
Hm… I like the latter. Only if you take a picture so I can see you wearing it.
You saw me wearing it all day.
I know, but I like to look at you.
She doesn't respond, and honestly I forget. It's just after eight when I wake up from the impromptu nap I took. Damn, I'll never be able to sleep tonight.
Downstairs, my dad watches TV, so I grab a bowl of cereal and plop down in the loveseat. We listen to the news anchor go on and on about a war, another shooting, a riot… My dad flips the channel after that.
"How was school?"
"Same shit."
He looks at me disapprovingly. "Still think business for college next year?"
I hem and haw over the idea. It's the only thing that really interests me at the moment. "I guess," I tell him noncommittedly.
"I think it suits you."
"Yeah?" I ask.
He smiles. "I'm just glad you're not going pre-med."
"Why?" I'm curious. I always thought he'd want me to follow in his footsteps.
"It's horrible. I wanted small town living, and yet here I am the only doctor working in an emergency room. I'm pulling 80 hours a week sometimes and I barely see you. I would never want this for you or your family."
I shrug. It does suck. He works a shit ton. "Open your own practice. I'll be the business end."
He smiles at the thought. "Let's revisit that in a few years. I'll be doing an overnight tomorrow, so I won't see you. You'll be okay?"
No dad when Bella's here. The thought thrills me and also sinks like lead in my stomach. Alone with Bella… What if I'm tempted to act on my impulses? No, that won't happen. I've worked too hard to get here. What if I can't stop my urges and I kiss her? And she kisses back? And I can't stop my fingers from pressing into her neck? And then down her arm… over her breasts… pulling at her hardened—
"Edward?" my dad asks, interrupting my thoughts. Fuck, I gotta jerk off tonight.
Covering my crotch with a pillow, I lean back into the cushions. "Hm?"
"I asked how your sister is?"
Instant boner-killer.
"Oh. She's good I guess. Wants to get together with everyone. Which reminds me… I, uhm, I have a date Friday night."
Now he's intrigued. His eyes sparkle with interest and concern. "With whom?"
"Isabella Swan."
The look disappears.
"I thought—"
"We've been talking. A lot. For a little while now. I've… I think she's maybe ready to forgive me."
He nods but I don't buy it. There is definitely more he wants to say. "Remember your curfew."
I roll my eyes and nod. "Ten o'clock. I know dad."
He smiles a little more. "How about eleven? It is a Friday after all."
~!~
Upstairs, I pull off my tee shirt and peel down my joggers, getting ready to shower. But then my phone dings, and I am not at all prepared for greets me on the other side.
Bella.
In my hoodie.
Kneeling in front of her long mirror, pulling my hoodie down so I can't see what's between her legs… because she's not wearing anything else. Her creamy white thighs are smooth and shapely. I can see the curve of her hip and soft lines of her ass in this pose. It's perfectly tempting.
Her hair hangs wet around her head, but the reflection of her face is hidden by her phone in the mirror.
Oh my fucking god I text her because what else am I going to say?
My dick is hard as stone, and I lock my door before sitting on the couch and staring at the picture again.
Your turn she says.
What do you want a picture of?
Whatever you're wearing right now, Edward.
Fuck, is she flirting with me?
Alright, here goes nothing.
I snap a picture overhead of myself. Tattoos in black and colored ink decorate my chest and arms while a very hard, very prominent part of my body stands at attention, tenting my boxers. I'm almost embarrassed to send it. Almost.
I wasn't expecting that she says immediately.
I'm sorry… I couldn't hide it.
What's it from?
You. Your thighs. Your hair. Your hand. Your body in my clothing. You.
She doesn't respond and neither do I.
I'm too busy gripping myself through the thin cotton of my boxers. The head leaks to be grabbed, touched, stroked. And when I do, it's Bella's little hand I imagine holding me. What color were her nails today? Green? Turquoise? She's so fucking perfect.
I close my eyes, resting my head against the couch cushion and pull my dick out of it's confines. Slow strokes, then hard grips, then slow strokes. I'm imagining Bella here, on her knees, her pink lips stretched across my dick. Then I'm looking at the picture, at her cute innocence, at her naivety and sweetness, at how simply Bella she is. And that has me coming undone.
It's her face, and her pretty little fingernails, and her now short hair, and those blue eyes, and her creamy skin, and the way she felt around my fingers that has me stroking faster, gritting my teeth, exploding onto my stomach.
God, it's been way too long since I did that and holy shit did I miss it.
In the shower I clean off, then I dry off, then I lay in bed thinking about tomorrow.
Hey Bella? I text.
Yes, Edward?
Tell me a secret.
I can't stop thinking about you either.
~!~
Wednesday.
The day I get Bella in my house.
Just the two of us.
Alone.
The day fucking drags.
There's a pop quiz in English on a book I didn't finish reading. Jasper's giving me the cold fucking shoulder for some reason. And she's not at lunch.
I don't ask though, figuring she's in the library. Since J's being a little bitch, I just peace out and head over to the library.
And there she is. Nose deep in some book.
"Hungry?" I ask, setting a sandwich and a drink in front of her.
"Thanks, I actually am. Angela told me there's a quiz in English and I didn't finish the book."
"The quiz is mainly about the theme and symbolism," I tell her. "What does the mirror mean, why do you think the story takes place near a forest, that kind of shit."
"How did you do?" she asks, taking a bite of the sandwich.
My shoulders shrug and I give half a smirk. "I didn't read it either and only missed one."
She rolls her eyes. "That's because you're so freaking smart."
"And handsome," I add.
She just gives me an annoyed look.
"Want me to let you go and finish reading?" I ask, moving to stand.
She sighs, closes the book, and shakes her head. "No sense cramming now, right?"
"You'll be ok. You're smart, too," I tell her. "And pretty. Very pretty."
She cracks a smile and a piece of my heart double beats enough to cause palpitations.
Bella just rolls her eyes, takes a bite, and gestures to the sandwich in her hand.
"Want some?" she asks with a mouthful.
Normally, no. I fucking hate ham lunch meat, but she's offering, so I'm taking.
I take a big bite and hand it back. She watches as I chew, chew, chew. I don't know why her eyes on me stirs my stomach, but it does. She gives me fucking goosebumps in the best way.
I need to touch her, to brush against her skin, to feel her, but then the bell rings. So, I help her gather her lunch, put her books in her arms, and walk her to class. We don't say a whole lot as I put her books on the lab table, but Alice watches with skeptical eyes. Don't fucking hurt her, numb nuts I can practically hear her thoughts and they're as suspicious as they should be.
I'm glad Bella has someone like Alice who could take care of her, make her laugh, keep her safe for the last few years. Someone who could hold her hand and her heart after I hurt her. Someone to talk some sense and some confidence in her.
I need to talk to Alice.
So I follow her to her locker after science.
"Can we talk?" I ask her. It's rarely just my cousin and I, so it's just a little weird.
"Aren't we?"
"I mean like a lengthy conversation. Now?"
She crosses her arms and waits. When I say nothing she pulls an attitude, stomps her little foot, and says, "where?"
We walk down the hall and into a deserted corner of the school between the empty shop room and the gym.
"I know we don't get a lot of time just you and me away from Jasper and Bella, but I wanted to tell you thank you."
"For?"
My fingers dig at my scalp, pulling on strands of hair. "Everything?" I breathe out a laugh. "Mostly for everything you've ever done for Bella. Over the years, the last few weeks. You were everything she needed that I couldn't be."
"Duh," Alice says. "I'm a girl."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Edward, I'm a girl. She needs a girlfriend. You can be… whatever the hell you are to her. But she will always be my girl and vise versa. Boys will come and go, I'm not dumb and neither is she. We will always have each other, and she knows that. When you hurt her again, I'll be there to pick her up, brush off the dirt, bandage her wounds—"
"I won't."
"Whatever you say," Alice says with an eye roll.
"And for Jasper," I throw in. "He was a shell of a person before he met you. Didn't care about anything or anyone. You've made him into so much more than I ever could."
She nods. "Yes, I'm sensing a theme here."
I can tell I'm not really getting through to Alice so I smile kindly. "Well, that's all I wanted—"
"Wait," she sighs exasperatedly. "I'm just being a bitch. I'm sorry. You hurt Bella, we all know this. Whatever. We're moving on. She's feeling good about… all of this. But let me tell you, Edward Anthony Cullen—"
"How did you know my middle name?"
"—if you so much as harm a hair on her body, I will destroy you. I'll stomp on your pinky toes, I'll rip your fingernails until they each have hang nails, I'll replace your shampoo with Nair, I'll—"
"Alice," I interject quickly. "I won't. It's different this time. I can't explain it, it just feels… different."
"Mhm," she says skeptically. "I've rooted for you, Edward. Don't make me regret it."
This is the conversation I should be having with her dad. If her dad wasn't a piece of shit. It makes me thankful for Alice even more than I am.
So I pull her in for a hug. She doesn't resist, but doesn't accept easily either.
"I love her," Alice says quietly, succumbing. She's scared for her friend. Alice gives in, finally wrapping her small frame around my middle.
"I think I do, too."
~!~
I meet Bella at her locker and help her carry everything to my car. Jasper and Alice are gone by the time I put her stuff in my trunk.
We make it to my house before the rain.
"Your dad isn't here?" she asks.
Shit, I forgot. "No, he had to work overnight."
"Oh, well, I'll make extra chili and he can heat it up tomorrow."
"Cool."
I help Bella cut the garlic and onions, following her directions for the tomato paste and sauce as she browns the meat. After 30 minutes, it's cooking in a big pot.
"I forgot it takes fucking forever," I groan, sitting down at the dining room table.
The rain outside pelts against the windows.
"It'll be good to go in a few hours. We have to do our Bio packet anyway, remember?"
I groan. "Yes."
Everything goes well the first hour. Then the wind picks up and the lights flicker but doesn't turn off totally. We work through pages and pages of the study guide.
"You should do something in Biology next year," I tell her.
"Why's that?"
"You're getting all these right."
"I've been studying," she says with a smile. "University of Washington called and asked for me to turn in my next quarters grades with another essay and they'll reconsider me. So, I'm trying to improve my grades."
"When did they call?" I ask in excitement.
"Yesterday."
"Bella, that's awesome!" There's pure joy in her eyes and my tone and I want to hug her so fucking bad but is that weird? "What are your grades? How can I help?" I ask.
"English is a B, Math is a C. That's pretty much it. Once I got the waitlist letter, I let everything go sort of, so now I have to play catch up."
"You'll pull English up in no time. I can help tutor in math if you want? I can meet you at the library for lunch or after you're done working or literally anywhere."
"No, it's okay. I'll—"
"Bella," I interrupt. "Let me help."
She looks at me and I'm not backing down.
"Okay," she says with a smile.
My smile matches hers and it takes everything in me not to lean over and press my lips to hers. Why is this so fucking hard?
I turn my attention back to Bio and we knock out another page before the stove timer sounds.
"Hungry?" she asks.
"Starving."
We plate ourselves some chili and sit at the island. Well, Bella does. I sit on the countertop facing her and look from her mouth to the storm outside.
"It's getting pretty bad out there," I tell her.
"What are the chances two big storms in the same week? A huge limb fell off a tree down the street from me and it's just half laying in the road."
"Let's play our game," I suggest after a few more bites. She nods her head. "Were you nervous to come here tonight?"
"A little. Where are you taking me Friday?"
A smile pulls up my lips. "It's a secret. Why were you nervous?"
She shrugs. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Maybe it wasn't nerves. Maybe it was… anticipation?"
"For what?"
"My turn. Can I meet your sister?"
I cock my head at her. "Why do you want to meet her?"
"You didn't answer my question, so I can't answer yours."
I nod. "Yes you can meet her. She actually wants to meet you, too. Why do you want to meet her, Bella?"
"I just want to… I don't know… I guess I want to see what she's like—is she like your mom, or you? Does she act the same way you do? Maybe I'll feel like… I don't know… it's stupid."
I hop off the counter and walk over to her. "Hey," I tell her softly, pulling out a chair, facing Bella, and sit next to her. "It's not stupid, Bella." My hand finds her hair and brushes it away from her face.
"Promise not think I'm crazy or weird?"
I give her a sly smile. "What if I already do?" I tease. She gives me a gentle shoulder nudge. "Yes, I promise."
"I think it might make all this seem more… official. Last time it was like… very secretive. No one knew, not even your dad. No one at school. We would sneak around, go to parties, hang out after."
It hurts, and I remind myself it's her perception. We definitely hung out at the diner, I talked to her at school, I was with her whenever I could be… but I guess to her, not telling anyone, no labels… that does seem sort of secretive.
"I understand," I tell her honestly because it makes sense now. The labels. She wants the labels. And I'll give them to her as soon as she's ready for them. Right now she doesn't even know if she wants me though. Friday, on our date, I'll gage her and see. "I want this with you, Bella. I want it to be different. I want you. So if you want to meet my crazy sister, then yes. I'll take you to her right fucking now. Go get your shoes on."
She giggles and relaxes. "Don't be crazy," she says.
"And people do know," I say softly.
"What? Who?"
"Rosalie called asking to meet up for dinner on Friday. I told her I had a date. With you. Same with my dad. I told him yesterday. He's actually extending my curfew. Eleven, not ten. How kind, right?"
"So… you told them? You told your family?"
"Yeah, why? Is that bad?" I ask, nervous.
"No," she says simply. "No, that's not bad."
I crack a smile and bump her arm. "Did you tell your dad?" I tease.
She rolls her eyes. "Oh, yes. After the Mariner's game, while we were washing dishes together."
She makes me laugh and then she laughs at my laugh and it's no longer weird or awkward or anything I thought it might be. It just is.
"Where's my hoodie?" I ask, back to the game one we've lightened up.
She blushes and I missed the sight. "On my desk. Do you want it back?"
"Fuck no. It looks way better on you."
"Okay good. I like the smell of it. Did you, uhm, like my picture?" she asks, looking down at her bowl and then up through her lashes.
Fuuuuuck.
"More than you'll ever know. Did you like mine?" I stare are her purposefully.
"Yes."
"I was a little nervous to send it. I wasn't sure if it would be received well," I admit.
"It was. It was received very well. Alice particularly liked it."
"You showed my cousin my dick?" I tease. "Damn, I knew you were naughty but not that naughty."
She tsks and shakes her head. "Not on purpose. She looked through my phone for something and then found it."
"Oh, so you kept it, huh?" I tease further, lowering my voice.
"Did you keep mine?"
"I'm sorry. I can't answer your question until you answer mine." I throw her words right back at her.
She hates it but loves it. I can tell. "Yes I kept it, Edward. Did you keep mine?"
"Hell yeah. I look at that thing every free moment I get."
"During school?"
"Especially at school." I wiggle my brows and lean in flirtatiously.
"You're sick," she teases, pushing me away.
It feels good to be like this. To flirt, to be silly, to be naughty in a pg-13 way.
But everything changes when she asks, "what did you do with my picture?"
I'm not sure if she means to, but it sounds seductive and sexy and jesus fucking christ my pants are getting tighter.
"What do you think I did with it?" I ask.
"I'm sorry. I can't answer your question—"
I roll my eyes and interrupt before she can finish. "Do you really want to know Bella?"
"Yes."
"I jerked off."
And now I'm at full mass and she's looking right at me, lips parted, blue eyes shimmering.
"What did you do, Bella?"
"Uhm, the same."
I throw my head back and groan so loudly it hurts.
"You're killing me, Swan," I grumble, scooting out of my chair and in front of her, separated by the island so she can't see the problem I'm dealing with.
She smiles but I know it's not innocent. She fucking knows what she's doing.
"Speaking of which," she says, turning around to grab her backpack. "You said you'd help with this?" She pulls out the little pink vibrator shaped like a dick, rigid and bumpy and no fucking comparison to my dick.
I'd love to use this on Bella. Shit, I'd love to watch Bella use it on herself.
Okay, calm down. I gotta calm down. My hand trails down to my jeans and pull on my balls to make room for my dick.
"It won't hold a charge, remember?" she asks innocently.
I nod. Yeah I remember.
She hands it over and I grip it in my palm. I turn it over and try to turn it on. It starts then stops. Taking the charger, I plug it into the outlet and into the toy. It fits, but the light is inconsistent.
"There must be a short in the wire," I tell her, rummaging through the junk drawer, looking for a charger that might fit. It looks like it takes a phone charger chord, so I find one and plug it in. "There," I tell her, showing her the white blinking light. "Just needed a new charger."
She nods. "Hm. Thank you," she says with a smile, reaching over and grabbing it.
"Leave it plugged in until you're ready to leave," I tell her. "That way it'll be ready for you tonight." I wink and she blushes crimson.
"I'm not—I wasn't—" she stutters.
I laugh gently and shake my head. "I'm just teasing, Bella. It's okay."
Her shyness tells me that she does want to use it tonight though, and the thought alone almost kills me. The image of that hot pink toy sliding in and out her tiny pu—
"Lets clean up," she says, walking over and looking for the Tupperware.
I help load the rest of the chili into a big plastic bowl and we clean the dishes, loading into the dishwasher.
"When do you want me to help with math?" I ask easily as we sit back at the dining room table.
"Maybe next week?" she says. "Tomorrow I work, Friday we're going out."
I nod. "Next week."
~!~
We finish working on the packet, getting most done, and reviewing what neither of us are sure on. She listens to me complain about Jasper being weird, and I listen to her fears about her dad.
"He's been gone again. I don't get it."
"When's the last time he hurt you?"
She shakes her head. "It's been a while."
I nod. Good.
"Heard anything from Dimitri about anything?"
I shake my head. "Nope. He hasn't said much about Aro, either. Last I heard he was taking it to his boss, and that's never good."
"Does that mean…"
"I don't even want to know," I admit honestly.
Does it mean he's toast? Gone? Dead? Like I said, I don't want to know.
"I can't wait until this year is over and I'm out of here," she admits quietly.
I don't want to tell her Aro can follow her anywhere, but the chances of him finding her in Seattle are slim… hopefully.
She looks scared. Her fingers grip the pencil, she breathes heavily, her leg bounces.
I place one hand on her knee, the other over her fingers gripping the pencil.
She looks up at me. Our faces are so close I can smell her skin and taste the chili on her breath.
When she leans in, I don't pull away. Her kiss is soft, gentle, and I let her lead, barely opening or moving my mouth. I'm pained, and I'm sure it shows. When I give in, kissing her back softer than I ever have before, barely touching her lips to mine, she gives in, too. Her lips crash harder, her tongue begs for entrance, she puts one hand on mine over her leg. She begs me with her body for more.
The old Edward would.
The good Edward won't.
Can't.
I won't do this again. I'm not going to use her.
She deserves to be treated appropriately, with love, devotion, kindness.
"Please," she whisper-begs against my ear as she moves our hands up her thigh. I'm on autopilot, doing as she asks.
And then she spreads her legs.
And I snap out of it.
"Bella, wait," I grunt, removing my lips from hers and touching foreheads. I'm panting painfully because that's what it was—painful to deny her.
"Don't you… want to?" she asks, self-conscious.
I groan again. "I want to," I admit, moving away, giving us space. "Trust me, I want to. But not like this. Not like before."
"Before?"
I shake my head, disgusted with myself. "I want to properly date you, Bella. Go out, have fun, no fooling around until the fifth date or whatever normal kids do these days," I say with a laugh.
"Normal kids these days are meeting online and hooking up the same night," she retorts.
I nod. She's definitely right. "You deserve to be treated better, Bella. Like the fucking princess you are."
It feels so good to say it again.
She sort of gasps and leans forward.
"Say it again," she whispers, her hand coming up to twist knots in the hair on my head.
She pulls me close, my lips at her ear, her neck calling me.
"Princess," I whisper delicately. The devil rouses. My insides burn. My pants tighten. She stirs me like a witch's brew, and it feels absolutely filthy in the best way.
"Edward," she pants, pulling me closer.
I stand and pull her with me, putting her on the island and standing between her legs.
"Please, Edward. Please. I'm asking you to—"
"To what, Bella?"
I hold her close, my hand in her hair, our chests breathing against one another.
"To make me feel again," she whispers.
"I will," I promise her. "I fucking will. But I have to take it slow, Bella. I want to be better for you. For us. Trust me when I say I want to. And it'll be all I fucking think about… but I almost lost control last time, and you deserve roses and candles and fucking fireworks in the middle of winter. You deserve kisses, and sweetness, and cards with sappy poems. I want to give you all of that. Let me make you feel here," I whisper, touching the skin over her heart.
She nods in understanding. "There's just something about you, Edward. It's so hard to stay away."
I nod because I get it. "Let's go slow, okay? I'm not saying we can't do anything, but I want to treat you like a lady and not some random girl I want to fuck."
She nods this time. "I guess I should be glad but honestly I just want you to treat me like that," she laughs. "So, what can we do?"
"Remember a few months ago I asked the same shit? My how the tables have turned, huh?" I joke and she agrees. "Whatever is natural in the moment, Bella. I want to spend time getting to know, you're body, what you like and don't like. Separate your likes from mine. I need to know what you like is because you like it and not because I do. Does that make sense?" I ask, still holding her to me. We're embraced tightly, and I love the feel of her chest against mine.
"I miss your fingers on my neck," she whispers so softly I barely hear it.
I break apart and look at her, then her neck and fuck does it call for me.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuuuuuuck. I miss that shit too.
"Okay, maybe it's better we talk about this shit on the phone, or over text? That way I'm not tempted to do things I'll regret."
She agrees, and I help her down off the counter.
"I should probably head home," she says, pulling the vibrator from the charger and packing it away.
I watch as she handles the sex toy, placing it in the backpack, and walking to the front door. I drive her home in quiet, but as we pull out of my driveway, my hand finds hers and she doesn't pull away.
She lets me hold her hand the entire fucking way.
I kiss her chastely before she walks into her empty house. The light in her bedroom turns on and I drive away.
Back home, I clean any mess up and head upstairs.
Thank you for everything, Edward.
My pleasure, Bella.
And for fixing my toy.
I can't help but laugh. You plan on putting it to good use?
Definitely.
This girl. This fucking girl.
I spend the rest of the night thinking about her.
~!~
On Thursday, Jasper asks me to pick him up.
"My fucking car's got a flat tire," he huffs.
"That why you've been a little bitch lately?" I ask.
He looks at me with irritated eyes. "My mom's fucked up," he says. "Don't want Alice around seeing her like that and I'm in no mood to be around her dad so…"
"So you and Alice haven't been hanging out?"
"Nope."
It's quiet when I pull out of his driveway. Bella's house sits dark, but her dad's shitty beater is parked in the gravel dive way.
"What a piece of shit," I mumble, still in reverse, sitting in front of her house.
"I could go for kicking the shit out of something," Jasper says, not talking me out of it.
"I'm trying to change," I tell him honestly.
"Okay. You stay in the car, I'll kick his ass."
Jasper hops out before I can park. He's running in, throwing open her front door.
"Wait!" I call, turning off the car. She might still be home. She might see. I don't want her here for this.
But Jasper ignores. He's inside before I'm even on the sidewalk.
By the time I get to him, he's got Charlie by the neck of his shirt and his fist flies before landing on his jaw.
I leave them and run upstairs, using the combination to open her door. Empty.
Thank fuck.
Downstairs I wait around until Jasper's aggression wears thin. When Charlie starts sobbing, I tell him it's enough.
"Is that what you say to Bella when she's hysterical after this prick lays a hand on her?" Jasper yells at me, his blonde curls loose and frizzy around his face from exertion.
His eyes are black as night and deep as space. He's so gone it's almost hard to find him.
Jasper says nothing as he kicks and punches this lump of a man on the floor of the living room. No pictures anywhere.
Nothing that screams Bella. Or Renee. Or home in any sense.
And it pisses me off.
"Alright," I pull Jasper off. "My turn."
I drag Charlie over to the kitchen, toss him in a chair, and scoot it back against the cabinets. His head hits the shitty countertop, and it cracks under the force.
"Stop," he groans, hands up. "Stop, please."
I stand, hands in my pocket, walking around him in a semi-circle. Back and forth, watching him watch me through two swollen eyes. Blood drains from the crack in his lip.
"Is that what Bella says when you do the same shit to her?" I ask, using the idea that Jasper brought up because he's got a fair point.
I throw in a punch to his jaw. It'll hurt, but it won't kill the pathetic man.
"I haven't…" he says. "Not for…" but his head droops and he's in and out of consciousness.
I pull his head up by the roots of his thinning hair.
"Why are you still working with Aro? What the fuck are you getting out of it?" I yell.
The one thing I can't quite figure out and I'm not leaving until he tells me.
"Wha…" Charlie grumbles.
"Aro!" I yell, waking him up. "Why are you working with him?"
"Didn't…" groans, "Dimitri…" moans of pain, "tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"I'm… with… him," Charlie moans, trying to stay awake.
"You're what?" Now I fucking wish Jasper would have waited to beath the breath out of him.
But it's too late, he's passed out on the chair.
"Give him ten minutes and he'll wake up," J says from experience. He's got the power, that's for sure.
I look at him in annoyance. "Feel better now?"
He looks around and shrugs. "A little. Yeah. She leave?"
"Yeah, and you're fucking lucky. If she had been up there and seen this—"
"She'd probably have joined in."
"She's not like that."
"Like what? Me?" Jasper says.
I roll my eyes. "I don't know what kind of pity party you're throwing, but I'm not falling into the trap, Jasper. You know you're good, so stop—"
"Not according to Alice's dad!" he yells. I can see it in his eyes. It's devastation. He's desperate for something, anything.
"Well fuck him," I yell back. "I know who you are, you know who you are. That's all the matters."
He's quiet now. Maybe he needs to be treated the same way Bella does. Lack of nurture hurts after a while.
But I can't give in just yet because Charlie's waking up and freaking out.
"Shut the fuck up," I tell him. "What do you mean you're with Dim?"
"A few weeks ago," he breathes heavily, watching both me and Jasper for any movement. "He gave me a deal."
"What was it?"
"Fifteen grand to sell Aro out."
"That's it?"
He's quiet.
"Is that it?" I bellow.
"And pin it on you."
Now I'm fucking pissed. I'm more than pissed. I'm raging. Black spots my vision and I have to remember to swallow, breathe. My hands ball into tight fists and I rip him out of his chair.
"How?" I scream.
He doesn't say anything.
"How!" I scream in his face, towering over him. He looks from me to Jasper who's got crossed arms and fists as clenched as mine.
"Plant the drugs in your trunk."
"When?"
"I haven't done it," he spouts.
"When?" I ask again, gripping the countertop, feeling it crumble under me.
"I'm not going to do it!" he yells back.
I roar, punching the slab in front of me, loving the way it collapses against my flesh.
"I should have done it last week when we finished cooking. I haven't. I'm not going to."
His words sober me. I stand straight and back away.
"And why the fuck not, Charlie?"
He shakes his head. "I see the way my daughter looks at you."
"Oh, now she's your fucking daughter? Why don't you start treating her like it?" I ask.
He doesn't answer.
"Where're the drugs?" I ask.
Silence.
"Where. Are. The Drugs?" I ask irritably.
"I have them."
I can't help the breath that sort of streams out of me.
Fear. Anger. Irritation. Annoyance.
"I see what you've done for my… for her," Charlie says, swallowing thickly. "I want her out of this house, this town, forever. You can do that for her. If I pin this on you, she has nothing. She'll stay. She can't stay."
"Once she leaves, she's never fucking coming back," Jasper says, pulling out a joint and lighting up.
"Good," Charlie says.
I pace around. Schools started by now. Bella's probably wondering where I am. Or not. I hope she is. I'm fucking wondering where she is. What she's wearing. How many times she's smiled today.
"Let's make a deal, Swan."
~!~
In the car, just before eleven, Jasper looks at me.
"You sure about this?" he asks. He never once questioned me in there, thank fuck.
"Nope."
"You believe him?" he asks as I pull out from in front of the house and down the street.
"Nope."
"I'll take the fall," Jasper says, and I just look at him. "If he's lying. If they plant it in your car. If—"
"Shut the fuck up," I tell him angerly. "No one's taking the fall."
"You have a future. I—"
I park the car in my spot at school. The rain clears and the sun peaks through gray clouds briefly before disappearing.
"You listen and you listen good, Jasper. I'm only saying this shit once. You are a kind, compassionate human being who sees the good in people way better than I can. You don't deserve the fucking hell you've been through, and I wish I could take even an ounce of pain away, but I can't. I'm sorry your mothers a drunk who sleeps around. I'm sorry your dads worthless. I'm sorry you were in foster care. I'm fucking sorry I didn't find you sooner." My arm grips his elbow in a brotherly way. "I'm sorry you never had a family like that. I'm fucking sorry, man." He looks away, emotion streaming down his face. "But you're my family, and I'm not going to sit here and listen to my brother talk shit about himself any fucking more. I love you, man."
He's full on crying now. I pull him in as close as I can and hug him in the way he needs. It's not a motherly touch, or fatherly approval, but it's the love and dedication of a brother.
I turn off the car and hand him the keys.
"It's almost lunch and I miss Bella, so find me inside when you're ready." Standing, straightening my clothes, grabbing my backpack, I turn around and bend down so he sees me. "And never, ever let someone tell you who you are, Jasper. You are a cool mother fucker, not some piece of shit trailer trash. You got it? You treat Allie with respect, and that's what her dumbass father should want for her. Don't ever let someone tell you what you are or are not."
I slam the door and jog up to school.
The secretary gives me a disapproving look but I'm two minutes away from seeing my girl, and I'm tired of attitudes today.
I find her at her locker and hug her from behind. It's public. Curious eyes of our peers burn into my back.
"Hey," she says, pulling my arms away and towards the front of her. I lean my shoulder against the metal locker next to her and smile. "Where have you been?" she asks.
"Cleaning up some shit," I say with a shrug, pulling my backpack over my shoulder. "Lunch?"
She nods with a smile.
One.
One fucking smile so far.
"I missed you," I lean down and whisper in her ear.
She smiles a blush and hides her head against my arm.
Two.
Two fucking smiles so far.
Jasper makes it to lunch halfway through and nods, tossing my keys at me.
"Edward," Bella gasps. "Your hands!"
I look down. Purple and brown coat my knuckles. Shit.
"I, uh, I—" but I've got nothing.
One.
One fucking frown so far.
"I asked Edward to blow off some steam with me. We were beating the shit out of the punching bag in his garage. No gloves."
Right. I smirk and nod.
"Oh," Bella says. "Feel better?" she asks us both.
"Much, thanks to your little boyfriend here."
Three.
Three fucking smiles so far.
