AN: Thank you all for the beautiful reviews! I enjoy seeing the support for this story. I want to share -I am not out to change any of the episodes, I am simply filling in the blank spots.
TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
BONES
Season 6, Episode 13: The Daredevil in the Mold
"I don't want to be your age and wind up like you."
What? What the hell did Sweets say?
Booth placed his drink on the bar top, looking over at the obviously tipsy psychologist, "What'd you say?"
"I don't," Sweets' inebriated state made him blind to the look on Booth's face, "You've never been married…and that…that's sad to me."
"What?"
Leaning into the bar, Sweets gave Booth a pitying look, "I don't want that to be where my life is headed, you know?"
Booth stared wide-eyed at Sweets, thinking about where his own life was heading…he loved Hannah, she wasn't a consolation prize…but Bones…oh God, what the hell was he doing?
Well, how do you know which person you love the most when you're confused by chemical messages traveling throughout your limbic system?
You just do.
He did…he knew. Hell, he'd always known.
Well, then, let's go for a different outcome here, alright? Let's just –hear me out, alright? You know, when you talk to older couples who, you know, have been in love for 30 or 40 or 50 years? Alright, it's always the guy who says "I knew." I knew. Right from the beginning…
He'd known…from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her, he'd known.
Do you believe in fate?
I'm that guy, Bones, I'm that guy. I know.
So what the hell was he doing with Hannah? What the hell was he doing –she wasn't a consolation prize but, oh, fuck, Bones…his Bones…she was the one he loved the most…the one he would willingly, without hesitation or guilt, kill for…die for…
And if that person falls out of love and meets someone else, those selfless acts would suddenly appear to be dangerously irresponsible, wouldn't they?
He'd done so much for her, had crossed so many lines, even broken the very law he was sworn to uphold, so what the hell was he doing with Hannah?
Hannah…Hannah, whom had been there for him when he had needed someone, who had given up so much for him…
I put in a request to be assigned to the Washington press core…that was before I realized how much I hated waking up alone.
Because I'm crazy about her. Because my life is just way better when we're together, right? Which is why I'm happy. The past is the past. Okay? I'm happy, Sweets.
He couldn't do this –he couldn't leave Hannah for Bones. Bones was…hell, he never knew where he stood with her, so why was he letting himself doubt and wonder?
Why was he starting to doubt what he had with Hannah?
I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it…
Love is a chemical process which causes delusion. An intellectually rigorous person would never get married.
She had always been clear about her views on love and marriage…and if he wanted to achieve his goal of being a husband to a woman who loved him beyond logic and understanding, then he couldn't…
I don't have your kind of open heart…I –I am not a gambler; I'm a scientist. I can't change. I don't know how. I don't know how…
Dammit to hell! Hannah was not a consolation prize and if he wanted a life that included marriage and family, then he damn well was going to prove it.
In the back of his mind, he could hear Hannah's voice.
I'm not the marrying kind, Seeley.
He chose to ignore it because he knew she loved him, and she knew he was the marrying kind, and he knew they would be together because they loved each other and nothing else mattered and without thinking he jumped on Sweets' enthusiastic declaration to propose to Daisy.
"Yeah," Booth gave the young shrink a big grin as he nodded to himself, "Well, you know what? I'm gonna propose to Hannah."
Sweets stared at him, brown eyes wide as he let out a drawn out, "What?!"
"Yeah!" Booth took a drink of his scotch, the scorching heat of the alcohol settling in his gut as it competed with the uncomfortable burn in his heart, "I-I've been planning it for a while now."
He was a liar…a fucking liar…but this time around, he was going to get what he wanted, come hell or high water.
"What are your plans for this weekend?"
Brennan clicked on the file she needed, moving some of her folders around her desk to better position her keyboard, "Not entirely sure. We're working on this case and I'm not entirely sure if we'll have it solved before Friday."
Chris chuckled as he took a sip out of the water bottle she had given him when he'd walked into her office, "I was thinking, if your weekend frees up, we can go up for another flying lesson. You've still got twenty-five hours to complete before taking your pilot's test."
Brennan looked away from the computer screen to give him a smile, "Allowing for time, I shall be able to take the test by the end of this month."
"I've checked the calendar," Chris rested his right ankle on his left knee, shifting lower in the chair to get comfortable, "The closest available day is the fourteenth of March. I went ahead and put your name down, so we've got six weeks to get your hours completed."
"Four hours a week," Brennan looked at the calendar on the corner of her screen, able to see she had quite a bit of obligations and commitments for the next eight weeks, "I may have to shift some things around but I think it's doable."
"We can only do two hours at a time," Chris rested the bottle on his thigh, wondering if it was her genius that made her so committed to succeeding in everything she tried, "And ten of those hours need to be night time flying."
She nodded, Angela's sudden appearance cutting off what she was about to say.
"Hey, sweetie," Angela stopped a couple of feet into Brennan's office, "Oh, sorry. Didn't realize you had company."
"This is my friend Chris," Brennan gestured towards him before she looked his way, "This is my best friend Angela Montenegro."
Standing up, he stepped forward to shake Angela's hand, an eyebrow quirking as she gave him a toothy smile, her slanted eyes sweeping him from head to toe, "Well, Chris the helicopter pilot. I've heard so much about you."
"All good, I hope," Chris release her hand, watching as she placed it on the slight swell of her baby bump, "Congratulations, by the way."
"Thank you," grinning, she ran her hand over her belly, letting out a grin as the little peanut rolled under her caress, "We're definitely excited."
"When are you due?"
"I still have a long ways to go," Angela looked over at Brennan, "I'm done with the bike autopsy, by the way. Thought you'd like to see the results."
"I definitely would," standing up, she grabbed her lab coat from the back of her chair, looking over at Chris, "I'll give you a call and let you know about this weekend. Would that be satisfactory?"
"Sure," Chris followed behind them, his thumb hooked to the pocket of his jeans as he kept the half full water bottle in his other hand, "I have the weekend free so give me a call whenever you're free to go up."
"Of course."
Grinning, he returned Angela's wave before veering off towards the glass double doors leading into the Lego-lab. Making his way out of the building and onto the outside parking lot, he dug into his pocket for his keys, stopping at the sound of his name being called out.
Turning on his heel, he stood by his car as he was approached by a man he'd only met once but had heard much about, "Special Agent Booth. How are you doing today?"
"Doing alright," Booth slipped his hands into his pockets, suit jacket pulled back to reveal his sidearm, "You visiting Bones?"
Leaning against his car, he gave a single nod, "Came to see if she wanted to do something this weekend."
"Uh," Booth nodded, brown eyes assessing the man spending so much time with Bones, "You two dating?"
Letting out a chuckle, he straightened and opened the driver side door to his car, "If I recall correctly, Temperance doesn't like the word dating. She says it has a restrictive connotation to it."
"You ever been married?"
He stopped before getting into the car, resting his arm along the top of the opened door, "Not even close."
"Any kids?"
"Not for the foreseeable future," Chris finally had enough, stepping out from behind the door to square off with the idiot posturing before him, "Let me give you some useful advice, Agent Booth."
Booth didn't reply, simply crossed his arms over his broad chest as he stared at Chris, admiration flickering briefly when the helicopter pilot didn't look away.
"Do what's right by Temperance or let her go."
He was going to have to let her go.
Hannah…Bones…Hannah…Bones…
The never ending tug of war within him was driving him crazy and it had to come to an end. He'd made a choice and although his twisting gut was burning, he was going to see this through and hope to God his gut was wrong, for once.
"I'm going for it. I love Hannah. And I'm getting her…this one."
Sweets gaped at the ring Booth was pointing at, words coming out in a strangled whisper, "That's bigger than the last one."
"You're a wonderful man," the sales lady gave him a smile, eyes shiny with emotion, "A wonderful, wonderful man."
"I'm quite moved myself," Sweets nodded, wrinkling his nose to keep from sniffling as he blinked back tears.
Booth nodded, letting out a breath as the sales woman walked away from where they were with the ring and his credit card. His heart was beating hard against his ribs, and his damn gut was roiling with anxiety and trepidation.
This was stupid…so damn stupid. Why was he doing this? He just knew it wasn't going to end well –but he was going to push through and hope for the best.
She stared at the little black box in his hand, sucking in a breath as he opened it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. Looking up into his velvet brown eyes, she could feel her heart beating fast as her eyes began to fill with tears.
"I, uh…marry me," Seeley stared down at her, the soft smile on his face making her wish she could find a way to make it all stop, "I want you to be my wife…"
"Oh, Seeley," swallowing back a sob, Hannah took in a deep breath, her blue eyes never leaving his face, heart breaking at the pain she was going to inflict on him, "I love you…I really do…but I can't."
She blinked back tears as his smile dropped, his brown eyes shuttering as the sparkle that had been there disappeared; "I'm just not the marrying kind."
"I am."
"I know," she swallowed with some difficulty, letting out a soft breath, "I know you are. I thought we would have more time before we got to this. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."
Closing her eyes as he turned away from her, Hannah could feel the distance growing in more ways that just physically. Letting out a breath, she looked to where he stood, leaning against the stone balustrade, her shoulders dropping as she moved to stand beside him.
The soft lapping of the water was the only sound before she finally took in a breath and spoke, "What happens now?"
"What do you think happens now," Seeley wouldn't look at her, shaking his head as he let out a soft scoff, "Now."
"Can we just go back?" She moved in closer, looking up at him, wishing she could look into his eyes but all she could see was the tight line of his squared jaw, "I'll walk in here, you tell me how good I look, I'll say thank you, we kiss, we'll have a nice dinner like…like this never happened. We can just…go back."
Her heart lodged up in her throat as he turned his head to look at her, the raw anger and hurt in his eyes emotions she had never seen in him before. As he looked away from her, she tried to catch her breath, "Okay…your turn. What happens now?"
His lack of response had her biting her lip, eyes burning as she gave a small nod, "I'll get my stuff out of your place."
"How much time do you need?"
That was it? He wasn't going to fight for her, find a different solution?
"To get out of your place…or to get over you?"
Once again, no response so she turned to walk away, throat tight as she fought back tears. Taking a few steps, she stopped then turned back, watching him for a second before approaching him again, "I do love you, Seeley. I don't think we're done, but I can see we're done for now. I'm just not the marrying kind."
"You already said that," the coldness in his voice cut right through her, and she couldn't help reminding him, "I've said it plenty of times before. I guess you weren't listening."
She watched him for a couple of heartbeats before turning away, every step she took reminding her of how stupid she'd been to get involved with a man she knew was the forever kind. She hadn't thought it would go this far –she was certain it would, with time, burn out and they would part as friends, both better than before for having known each other.
She'd known for the longest time, since the beginning really, that Seeley Booth was a one-woman man who had given his whole heart away long before they met, but she'd wanted to experience what being loved by a warrior with a lion heart would be like. She had thought he would make her see the beauty of roots and forever, but she was a wanderer at heart.
Pulling her phone out of her purse, she dialed the number of the one person she knew would know how to help him through the pain and disillusionment.
"Hannah, hello. Aren't you meeting Booth for dinner?"
She sniffed back the urge to cry as she headed down the brightly lit street, "I was…Temperance, I'm…I'm getting my stuff out of Seeley's apartment. He…he needs you."
"What happened?"
Letting out a soft sigh, she knew she needed to find the best way to share what had happened without throwing up any more roadblocks between those two, "We…it's not going to work, Temperance. He's the forever kind and…I am not. I realized…as much as I love him…and I really do…I don't love him enough to give him what he needs. I hope you do."
"Hannah –"
"Listen to me, Temperance," she stopped before a large picture window, the tears she'd been holding back finally breaking free, making silent paths down her cheeks as she stared at the array of jewelry before her, "I've always known…Seeley wasn't mine to keep. I gave myself to him…as much as I possibly could, but for Seeley, that wasn't enough. These last few months with him have been wonderful but…I was offered a war correspondent position in Syria a couple of weeks ago…I'll be right in the thick of things, where not many other correspondents have been willing to go and I…I signed a six month contract two days ago. I was planning on telling Seeley tonight."
"You didn't talk it through with him first?"
"It's my career," wiping away the tears, she took in a deep breath before turning away from the jewelry store's display, moving to the curb to flag a cab, "My decision. The point is, Seeley's hurting. Find him, Temperance, be his friend. I know with time he'll heal…I was just a brief stop to his final destination."
"I don't know what that means."
"You, Temperance," getting into the cab, she quickly gave the driver Seeley's address before returning her attention to her phone conversation, "You're his final destination. You're the one he's always loved, you're the one he'll have forever with if you're willing to let yourself be vulnerable. If you love him, Temperance –and I know you do –open yourself up to him. Be vulnerable, be there for him, and when you're both ready, it'll happen."
"Hannah…will you be alright?"
"I'll be fine," she stared out the window as the cab came to a stop, eyes moving up to the dark windows of Seeley's apartment above the liquor store, "It won't take me long to get my things and find a place to stay for the next few days."
"I have a spare bedroom."
"I'd rather not. It was a pleasure being your friend, Temperance. I'm a better person for having known you."
"Please stay safe, Hannah."
"I will do my best."
Way Past Midnight
"Those are my only choices?"
She watched him as he picked up the shot glass, his quiet words heavy with sadness before he tossed back the drink, "Yeah. Those are your only choices."
Letting out a soft sigh, she held up a finger as Booth held one up too, getting the bartender's attention, "Then I'll have a drink."
Giving her a nod, he tossed back his shot, signaling for another as he tried to get his anger under control. It was a vicious cycle –the angrier he got, the more he drank, the more he drank, the angrier he got.
He was beyond stupid –a total fucking idiot is what he was. Hannah had been right –she'd said it plenty of times but he'd ignored it.
What the hell was the matter with him? How was it he kept forcing the issue?
First Rebecca, whom he'd known had plans for a law career and was as independent as any woman could possibly be. He'd done the stupid thing and had proposed, but only because they were waiting for that stupid stick to turn positive. He'd loved her, there was no doubt about it, but he'd also known she wasn't in the same place he was. Although, at that moment as they waited, his main concern had been having a child out of wedlock.
Tossing back another drink, he couldn't stop from mentally flaying himself as he thought of his stupid move of asking Bones, of all people, to take a gamble on them. A woman who believed in empirical data, who saw everything in black and white, and he'd actually tried to push her into taking a risk when there was no certainty of its outcome. He'd known before he opened his big mouth it wasn't time –she wasn't ready.
And Hannah –he'd needed someone to love him…stupid, stupid, because although he loved Hannah, he was in love with Bones. Had been from the moment he first saw her almost six years ago, had known she was the one for him, but he'd flinched. He had let his damn pride get in the way and now here he was, a complete jackass, with no one to blame but himself.
Yeah, he was angry at all of them, as he'd told Bones, but it was himself he loathed.
He knew, in the whole equation of this shit storm, he was the one in the wrong…he was the one needing to change, not them.
"Booth."
He let out a hum, head hanging low as he turned his half empty glass of scotch round and round.
"Booth," Bones' hand on his arm had his body go tense, his eyes feeling heavy as he looked up at her, "Its last call, Booth."
Tossing back the last of his scotch, he signaled the bartender for his tab, frowning when Bones gave him a soft smile, "I already paid."
"You didn't have to pay for my drinks," he could hear himself slurring, his tongue feeling like it was twice its size inside his mouth…either that, or his mouth had shrunk, "I had a lot of them."
"I'm aware," she stood up, moving into his side as he struggled to get off the bar stool, "You're able to walk?"
"Of course, of course," he slung his arm over her shoulders, giving her a sloppy smile, "I drove here."
"We're taking a cab."
"Good, good," nodding, he took in a deep breath of fresh air as soon as they stepped outside, "Cab's good…I don't wanna go home, Bones. I don't wanna be alone."
She flagged down a cab, helping him slide into the backseat, successfully ensuring he didn't hit his head, "I have a spare bedroom."
"That be good," Booth let his head fall back as he slouched, turning to look at Bones, "I chucked it."
"Chucked what?"
"Ring," Booth closed his eyes, letting out a snort, "Chucked it into the river. Five thousand dollars and I chucked it into the river."
She stared at him, her sharp brain quickly connecting the dots, her heart squeezing painfully at the realization Booth had proposed to Hannah.
"She said no," he groaned as the driver took a turn a little too sharply, making him slightly nauseous, "I knew she would 'cause she told me she wasn't the marrying type, but I didn't listen. That's my problem, you know. I don't listen. I'm a dumb fuck who doesn't listen."
She wanted to tell him he was a great listener but knew in his inebriated state, he wouldn't really hear her.
"A stupid dumb fuck," his words slurred as he slid to the side until his head rested on her shoulder, "Gotta find a way to fix it…me, to fix me."
She felt the tears building up at the sound of pain in his voice, her throat tight as she gently rested her cheek on the top of his head, "You don't need to fix anything, Booth. You're fine just the way you are."
A soft snore escaped him, teasing a smile from her as she looked out the window. They were still a few minutes away from her place. Once there, she needed to figure out how to get him up to her top floor apartment.
That was the easy part, really…figuring out how to get him past this was going to involve her figuring out how to be what he needed.
Brennan couldn't help but hope this time around, she'd get it right.
