Life has been weird.

Life is weird.

But lately, after moving in with Alice, life is just… content.

Edward spends every moment he can with me, but he's major grounded, and I told him not to piss off his dad, so he's been listening.

"Come over," he whispers every night before bed.

"No," I smile under the covers. Sometimes Allie is with me, but tonight she isn't.

"Bella," he coos. "I'll eat your pussy all night."

I giggle and think about the way his skin stretches over his muscles and the tattoos decorating his body. "Tempting but no."

He curses and I can hear him roll over in bed.

"I miss you," I tell him honestly.

"Miss you, Bella."

We go to school, he takes me to work, Alice picks me up, and I forget all about my dad in jail.

Just kidding.

It's all I think about it, and I freaking hate myself for it.

I wake up thinking about it, I go to bed thinking about.

My dad has consumed my thoughts.

"Maybe you should go see him," Alice says on the first day of May.

Two weeks until I'm eighteen.

I don't know why it's such a big deal. I'm already with Alice, and Mr. Brandon told me I can stay as long as I need to.

And then it hits me like a sack of feathers—itchy, hot, uncomfortable. I've been looking forward to the age of eighteen for as long as I can remember so that I could escape the weight of the abuse.

Since my mom died and I lost my dad. Since my dad first laid his hands on me. Since I lost Edward as a friend. Since—

"Bella?"

"I thought about it," I tell her honestly as she drives us home from the library. "What would I say to him?" I ask.

Alice doesn't respond and so neither do I.

"Let's do something awesome for your birthday!" she says instead.

A chuckle bubbles up and I shake my head. "No."

"Come on, bitch. You have thousands of dollars—"

"For college, Alice."

"Booooring," Alice sings, putting the car in park. "Jasper's coming over after my dad goes to sleep, so if there's a bra on the door…" she trails off.

Embarrassment heats my face as we walk through the door.

Two weeks ago, I walked in on Jasper's bare ass and Alice's legs spread so wide he was practically forcing her into a split. Jasper was pounding away. Like… pounding. Like… I don't even know how the bed is still standing after the sheer force of it hitting the wall.

I stood in the doorway stunned until I could move, and then I closed it quietly and went to call Edward.

He laughed his ass off. So did Alice.

Now we've agreed to stick part of our bra out of the door when we have company.

Hey I text Edward.

Hey Princess

Come over tonight?

I'll see what I can do.

His dad's been keeping tabs on him like no one's business, and I get it, but I miss Edward. Anytime I'm over his house, we are forbidden from going up to his room. Anytime he's here, the four of us are together. I love Jasper and Alice, but I haven't had Edward's dick in me in weeks and I so need it.

Edward's dick.

Oh. My. God.

Sex with Edward is better than I could have ever dreamed. He knows exactly what I want and how I want it. Except I need it hard. Like Jasper was giving to Alice.

Edward thinks he's going to hurt me, bruise me, make me cry… but I want to. I want all of that. I want Edward spreading my legs like Jasper was doing. I want Edward to break this bed with the intensity of his thrusts. I want it to hurt.

Next time it will.

Next time I'm going to get what I want.

~!~

Mr. Brandon kisses both mine and Allie's heads when he heads up to bed at ten. Alice wastes no time texting Jasper.

"How do you guys keep so quiet when your dad's like right down the hall from you?" I ask.

Alice smiles. "We do it on the floor. It's carpet so it muffles the sound."

I nod. "Smart."

Jasper and Edward sneak in quietly through the backdoor and Jasper picks up Alice, throws her over his shoulder, and he walks them upstairs.

"Wait!" Alice whispers. "My dad's working an early shift tomorrow, so he'll be gone in the morning." Alice whispers and I know she's saying it for our benefit.

They disappear upstairs, and Edward pulls me to him. His lips on my neck drag wet and warm across my skin. He smells like cinnamon and Tide and when he kisses me, I can't stop myself from moaning.

"Fuck I missed you," he whispers.

"Thank you for coming," I tell him. "Did you have a hard time sneaking out?"

Edward smirks. "I didn't."

"You didn't?"

He shakes his head. "I convinced Rosalie into lying to my dad. He thinks I'm at her house for the night."

"Edward," I say, swatting his arm. "You're bad."

"You have no idea, Princess."

His grip on my body tightens.

"Show me then," I whisper.

Edward smirks and pushes me toward the living room. I try to stop him and point to my room.

He shakes his head, pointing to the couch that faces the stairs. I sit in the middle and Edward gets on his knees. Large hands pull at my leggings until they're around my ankles, and then he's diving face first.

I bite back a moan as he tastes me, teasing me with his tongue, bringing me to brink in minutes before pulling back. His fingers pull my pants all the way off before he spreads my knees wide and moves out of the way.

Edward leans up and whispers, "anyone could come down here and see you right now. The lights are on, and they'd see how wet your little pussy is." His fingers graze my clit, circling slowly, before dipping into me. "Does that turn you on, Bella?"

"Yes," I answer honestly.

"Should I text Jasper?" he asks. "Should I tell him I need to talk to him right now?"

Edward slithers back down my body, pulling his phone out. Instantly, I'm soaked. He unlocks his phone. I'm so close it hurts. He's scrolling through his texts.

"Tell me not to, Bella," he says between my legs.

I want him to, though. I want the thrill.

He smirks at me and presses send before diving back down between my legs and within four circle of his tongue, I'm squeezing his head with my thighs, his name on my tongue and in the air around me.

And then he's standing, pulling me with him, pushing me onto my bed in the spare room.

"You're something else, Bella."

"Did you text him?" I ask, heat and embarrassment licking at my cheeks. The thrill swirling around my belly.

"I don't bluff," he explains.

"Why didn't he—"

"I'm sure he's doing the same thing with Alice."

Edward locks the door, pulls the blanket back, and lays with me under the covers.

"I missed you," I tell him, my lips on his so gently. I forgot what it was like to lay with him, his skin on mine, listening to him breathe.

"You have no fucking idea, baby."

~!~

Edward wakes me slowly the next morning. His fingers dance across my skin like falling snow, and when I turn in his arms, our chests pressing together, his smile is the brightest thing I've ever seen.

"I remember when we were seven and forced our parents to celebrate our birthdays together," he whispers in the early morning.

I giggle at the memory. "We had our party in March so we could do it half way between each of our brithdays. What was the theme?"

"Dinosaurs with bows," he chuckles.

I nod. "That's right. Your mom hot glued so many bows onto things for the party I bet she burned off her fingerprints."

He glances down with a smile. "Remember our dads used to go fishing?"

"Like three times," I remind him.

"Yeah, my dad definitely isn't outdoorsy."

It's silent now, but his fingers still brush against any naked skin he can find. His warm heart lights up the room brighter than the overcast sky. There's a thunderstorm rolling in. Noise sounds from miles away, and wind whips through the air, pushing branches of trees against the siding.

"Are you excited to move?" Edward asks, pulling me closer.

My left leg slips over both of his so it rests a top his hip. It's a weird stretch, but I don't mind.

"Kind of. I'm a little nervous though," I admit freely.

We've talked about it before. Many times. Alice and I are moving into our little duplex on July first. I feel more comfortable with the money my dad left for me, but that's going towards college and nothing else. Edward and Jasper have been teaching me to drive the best they can. Honestly, I'm getting much better at it.

"I'm going to miss you, Bella."

Edward's not moving into the dorms until August, and with him being grounded, I don't even know how often I'll see him. He's told me so many times he's eighteen and if he wants to see me then he'll see me. I try to be logical in those situations. He wants a relationship with his dad, so he shouldn't burn the trust he's building up.

"I'll see you, don't worry. Besides, I'm going for drivers test next week. Maybe Allie will let me borrow her car and I can come see you," I explain with a smile. I doubt it, but who knows.

"Maybe," he whispers, leaning down to kiss me. "You have to promise to facetime me like every day, okay?"

"Why?" I giggle. "Are you going to forget what I look like?"

He chuckles darkly, the grip on my skin firmer than before. His hand slides down my waist to hip and pulls me in. His hard on presses against my belly now.

"Can I touch you?" he asks desperately.

"Always," I respond easily.

I'm on my back. The bed under us shifts from the weight. He settles between my legs and pushes me up and open. His hands never stop dragging against my skin. They're on my shoulders, my collar bone, my knee, my ankle.

He grips my ankle and pulls up so one leg rests against his chest and my ankle curves against his neck. He does the same to my other ankle. I'm laying on my back, legs on his chest and shoulders, and his thumb winds down to circle my very engorged, very wet clit.

A gasp falls from my lips and I cover it with my hand immediately. The wind picks up and so does the pounding of the rain outside.

Edward uses his free hand to pull my hand away.

"Her dad left an hour ago," he explains.

I'm slightly relieved, but I still don't want them upstairs to hear, so I try to keep as quiet as I can even through his hard but slow brushing where I'm wettest.

"You look so good," he whispers to me. "Sweet and innocent but so fucking turned on. You're soaked, Bella. Is this what I do to you?" he asks. It's quiet but confident. He knows what he does to me, he just likes to hear me say it.

"You make me so wet, Edward," I whisper. It's getting easier to talk dirty to him, but sometimes it feels alien. His dirty talk though? Oh my freaking god…

"I know, baby. You're drenching my fingers." He pulls them away and licks them clean before gripping each ankle tightly and stretching my legs to form a V. "Let's see just how wet you can make my dick."

He lines himself up and presses in. Usually he's slow and gentle as I get used to being filled. This morning he pushes in fully and I want to die.

I want to die because it's absolute heaven.

My back arches and my lungs deflate but then he pulls out and pushes back in and I can breathe. Oh my god can I breathe.

"Yes," I whimper so softly I don't even know I'm saying it. "Yes. Yes. Yes," I repeat with each thrust.

Edward's hips slam against my body, pushing me forward, and for the first time ever, he truly gives himself to me.

The gasp that pulls from my throat hurts so good. Tears sting my eyes as he pounds into me from above.

"Take it," he tells me, staring down. His blue eyes fix on mine and he's relentless. "Take my cock, Princess. Show me how fucking good you are."

My hands grip the pillow, the sheets, the wall, my breasts, anything they can touch. I ride the edge for so long, needing something extra to push me off, and I know he can sense it.

"You love it, don't you?" he asks, repositioning our body so my hips are angled, and his cock rubs the top of my insides.

I think I scream, but I'm not sure. He thrusts into the same spot again, and again, and again. The bed frame slams into the wall repeatedly, but it's background noise at this point. All I hear, all I see, is Edward glued to me, giving me the most pleasure I've ever felt.

And when his fingers reach down to snake around my neck, pressure building so lightly, I lose it. I wish I could say exactly what I felt, or said, or did… but I can't. All I know is my insides pulse for longer than I've ever experienced, and the amount of pleasure coursing through my body is extreme. His fingers don't squeeze, just rest against the skin of my neck, and my nipples harden, and I fall forever.

I fall so long when I reach the bottom I'm crying.

Edward's above me still, pounding into me hard and fast. His mouth hangs agape, his tongue wet as it rests against his bottom teeth, and his eyes never leave mine.

"Good girl," he whispers, thrusting erratically. "You look so fucking good like this. You should see yourself. Your pussy gets so wet and raw when I make you come, the look on your face. Fuck, Bella. Fuck," he pants, leaning down to place his lips against mine. It's hard and rough. The force of his thrusts pushes our bodies away from each other, but I love the connection.

"Edward," I gasp, wrapping my legs around his waist. He kisses the tears from my cheeks. "Edward, harder. Please harder."

He smirks and gives it to me. Our skin slaps against each other and his lips touch against mine. It's not a kiss, it's a connection.

"I'm so close," I whisper, chasing the beginnings of something strong.

"You gonna come again, Princess?" he asks quietly over the sound of our bodies.

"Please," I whisper.

"Yeah, that's good," he groans. "Beg for it, baby. Beg for me to let you come."

"Please, Edward."

"Please what?"

"Please I want…"

"Tell me."

"Please… I want to come. Please."

His lips still on mine he bites my bottom lip before saying, "come."

He pushes into me deep and hard. His rhythm steady and divine. And when I fall, he does too.

"Take my come, Bella," he pants, pressing into my body deeply and holding still.

My walls convulse around him as I feel the swelling and the warmth inside me. He pulses too, and it's the hottest thing I've ever felt.

When Edward pulls out, it's a mess, but he reaches over to get some tissue and he cleans me up. Like really cleans me up. His hands between my lips rub gently as they clean up our shared arousal.

"Bella I hope that was—" he starts, but I stop him.

"It was the best," I tell him with a smile. "Ever."

He sighs and nods. "Okay I'm glad you thought so, too." He laughs and lays with me.

"Have I ever told you how much you mean to me?" he asks quietly. The rain still falls around us, but there's no thunder anymore.

"Hm, maybe. But go ahead and tell me again," I joke.

He brushes the hair away from my sweaty face and smiles down at me. His lips hover above mine before kissing gently.

"I wouldn't be this person today if it weren't for you," he admits. "I think…" Edward trails off, shaking his head. "I think you saved me."

I think about it for a while after he says it. Did I save him, or did he save me?

~!~

"Is the bed okay?" Alice asks when the boys leave that afternoon.

"Huh?"

Alice looks over at me and smirks. "Girl, I'm pretty sure Mrs. Jenkins next door could hear that pounding."

Okay, that's embarrassing. "Uhm, yeah, I think it's—"

"Don't be ashamed, Bella. It was so hot that Jasper wanted to compete."

"Compete?"

"Yeah. He wanted to see who could be louder."

"Oh… uh…"

"Don't worry, we didn't. I told him to knock it off," Alice says easily, folding her clothes and putting them in her dresser. "But maybe next time," she says with a wink.

I just shake my head. "Hey, Allie? Has Jasper ever… uh… you know… inside you?"

"Plenty. Why?"

I sigh in relief. "I was just wondering…" I trail off awkwardly.

"Has Edward?"

"Uhm, yeah. Today."

"Just be careful though, okay? I make Jasper pull out when I'm ovulating. I don't any kind of birth control."

"Really?"

"I mean I'm sure they're fine, I just don't want to get knocked up before college, you know?"

"Yeah," I tell her honestly.

"Two more months, Bella. Two more months and we're outta here!"

"If you're that worried, why not just make him wear a condom?"

She smirks. "Well that's no fun."

~!~

My birthday passes so uneventfully but I love it. Edward takes me shopping. Tells me to pick out anything and everything because he's buying. But I can't. The money makes me uncomfortable, so he starts picking stuff out for me and shrugs.

"If you won't do it willingly, I guess I'll just buy you what I want to see you in. And Bella?" he asks, glancing back at me. "I don't want to see you much."

I groan before getting on board and picking out some outfits, a new pair of flats, and the comfiest bed I've ever laid my head on.

"I never want to get up," I tell him, lying flat against the mattress in the middle of the store.

"We'll take it in a King," Edward tells the sales staff. "We'll need the frame and stuff for it too."

The worker disappears to write up the quote and when he leaves, I roll over to Edward. There's so much room it's almost comical.

"King? That's more than enough—"

"I'm going to fuck your brains out on this thing, Princess," he explains, and that shuts me right up. "Do you think it's frowned upon if we try out some positions right now? I want to make sure I can get you doggy style with the height of the mattress."

I slap his chest while he laughs.

~!~

That night, at my dinner party, I smile so much my cheeks hurt. Everyone's here and they're here for me.

The family I always wanted. The family I never thought I'd get.

Rosalie and Emmett talk quietly with Mr. Brandon. Dr. Cullen and Edward laugh about how difficult Edward was growing up. Jasper and Alice talk about the idea of adopting a dog before school.

When dinner is done, and the dessert gets brought out, Edward stands at the long table to make a toast.

"I just wanted to thank everyone for coming tonight. Bella's birthday is something to celebrate each and every year, and I'm so glad I finally get to spend another with her. She's the best thing that's ever happened, and I know you old folks are going to say we're young and dumb, and maybe that's true, but I couldn't imagine finding anyone more perfect for me than her. I love you, baby."

When I stand to hug him, everyone joins in on the laughter and joyfulness this night has brought.

That night, Edward walks me to the meadow. His dad has extended his curfew to midnight, and we've got a few hours until then. We're under the stars on a comfortably cool night, the stars actually twinkle back at us for once.

"Happy birthday, Princess," Edward whispers into my hair as he places a dainty chain in the palm of my hand.

The gold looks old and warn but recently polished and cleaned a little. There's a small, pink gem that dangles from the chain.

"I found this in the chest from your dad's room. I think maybe it was your mom's?" he whispers softly as I continue to inspect it.

Edward's kept the chest of pictures and belongings until now. I told him I wasn't ready to look through what my dad has kept from me all these years. But he went through it, and he found this, and he cleaned it so I could have it.

The thought springs so much emotion to my eyes that I can't help it when it spills over.

"Thank you," I cry softly, handing it out so he can clasp it around my neck.

It hangs low, under the neckline of my shirt, and I like that. It's hidden near my heart where my mom lives. Vaguely, I can see her wearing it in pictures when she was a teenager. There's one of her and her mom in a kitchen when she looked to be about sixteen. I wish I knew the story. Maybe someday. Maybe someday I'll look through the chest of pictures and figure it out.

"You're welcome, Bella."

Edward makes love to me tonight. It's something different than I've ever felt with him. I love hard, and fast, and pain, but I also realize I love this.

It's slow, and long, and languid, and powerful. It brings tears to my eyes and down my cheeks. He kisses them away. And then tears form under the thickness of his lashes. I brush them off his cheeks. His blue eyes shine into mine as we release together.

In this moment, the release, the love, the sensuality of making love in our meadow under the stars, I feel home.

~!~

I've cleaned out my old house, put everything out for garbage collection, and said goodbye to my life on this side of the tracks. It's anniversary of my mom's death, and normally I cant pull myself out of bed, but this feel somehow cathartic.

Jasper does the same, and we bond over it.

He talked previously about staying behind with Edward to wait for him to move into the dorms, but Edward told him to get the hell out of here. So he is.

Jasper's mom stays at a half way house, and their home is in foreclosure.

That means no more driveway. No more porch talks. No more shed.

That's what I'll miss most.

The shed.

The four of us cleaned it out last weekend and cried. All of us.

First it's Alice, then it's me, then it's Jasper, and last is Edward. He's so strong for us, but even he can't hold back the emotion of what this little thing meant to each of us.

For Jasper, it was his escape from everything, and it's hitting him the hardest.

"You're not taking this?" I ask Jasper, pointing to his dresser. "It's so cool!" I've never been in his room before. It's neat, tidy, uncluttered, so it's easy to clean out.

"Nah," he says.

"What about this?" I ask, pointing to decorations on his dresser.

There's a metal cross, a candle, and a weird egg looking thing.

"Keep that," Jasper says, pointing to the egg. "Allie gave it to me. She'll kill me if I throw it away."

I nod and toss it into a box.

We move the boxes of clothes to the front door so they're close when it's time to move. Three more weeks.

Time's flying.

I don't think about my dad so much anymore. He's still awaiting trial, but he never posted bail so he's in county until then. They've gotten him a pro bono lawyer, but that means he'll take whatever plea deal they offer. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, sometimes I hope he rots in there.

Today I feel nothing as I stare off from Jasper's driveway to my little old house. Paint chips off the porch. A large foundational pillar leans from years of damage and wood rot. The lattice leading down from my window cracks in spots, and I remember each time I almost fell off that death trap. The times my father would chase me out of the window, drag me down the stairs, hit me in the driveway.

I can't believe I survived.

Sudden panic starts low in my belly and I almost want to throw up but I won't. I can't. So I swallow the pain of my childhood and beat it down with a bat. It's too much right now.

"You good?" Jasper asks as we finish up.

"Yep," I tell him with a smile.

"Mhm," he says, locking up the house before we hop into his car. "I started seeing a trauma therapist," he tells me. "Alice suggested it. Actually, Alice made me do it or else she wouldn't let me move in with you guys. I talked to Edward and he asked his therapist for a recommendation and voila. Here I am in therapy and shit."

"Wow," I say, stunned.

"Yeah, I know."

"Is it helping?" I ask cautiously.

He's quiet as we turn onto Alice's street. And then he nods. "I think it is, Bella. And I think you should consider seeing her, too."

"The same one?" I ask, confused.

Jasper nods. "She's good. She understands. This shit doesn't just go away because you want it to. And you know what? Pretending you didn't survive your childhood doesn't go away either. We went through shit that Alice and Edward could never understand. Just… think about it, okay?"

"Yeah," I tell him. "Okay."

Later that night, Edward picks me up with two bouquets of flowers.

"One for you," he whispers, kissing my forehead. "One for your mom."

I nod. The only person who has ever gone with me to the cemetery on this day has been Alice, and that's only been once or twice. Sharing in these emotions with Edward makes my stomach flip in a bad way.

"She'd be so proud of you," Edward whispers as he pulls up to her gravesite.

Her name etched into stone with the years of her life. Started and ended.

Ended.

Ended like she was a movie, or a book, or a cup of coffee with nothing left inside.

I wish she was still here. I wish I could hold her hand. I wish she could love me forever.

"She watches down on you," Edward says. He's not very religious or spiritual so it takes me by surprise. "When the sun shines, or the rainbow curves over the mountains, or when the birds sing, or when you're alone and wondering why it had to be her. She's with you, Bella."

"You don't know that," I challenge.

He nods. "I do. I know it because my mom looks down on me the same way."

His confidence is contagious, but it hurts my heart to think my mom has seen it all—the abuse, the neglect, the pain.

Edward puts a few roses down on my mom's grave before kissing my cheek and walking away.

I'm on the blanket on my butt, facing her stone, talking to her in my head.

I miss you, mom. You'd really love Alice. She's something else. Jasper is pretty cool too. If Edward's right, then you can see that. I hope you can see that. I hope he's right. Is he right mom? Do you see me? Do you hear me? I miss you so much it hurts. Can you believe it's been Edward all along? He's been the blessing I always needed. Can you see that mom? I wish you were here. I wish I could believe Edward. I wish you'd show me a sign or—

And just like that, as the tears fall, as my stream of consciousness spirals, a bird flies by and circles back to perch on her headstone. Right above her name hops a cheery, singing bird.

I'm not dumb enough to think that's my mom—of all the things, she wouldn't choose to come back as a bird—but maybe, just maybe, she sent him down for me.

And for the first time ever, on the day of her death, I smile.

"I love you, mom," I whisper before standing and looking for Edward.

It takes a few minutes. The cemetery is large, but I find him on his knees, tears streaming down his face, looking at a simple slab of marble in the ground.

Esme Cullen.

Loving mother. Loving Wife.

I didn't know she was buried here.

He's doing the same thing I was doing just a few moments ago.

"I think you were right," I whisper, standing behind, arms circling his neck. My lips find comfort in the strands of his hair. "I think our moms are definitely with us, Edward."

Edward nods, placing the roses at his mother's grave, and breathing deeply.

"I've never been here," he says honestly. "I've never even visited her. How fucked up is that?"

I shake my head, kneeling next to him. "You don't need to come here to visit her."

He turns to me in question. His eyes are bluer than they've ever been, glowing in sadness.

"What?"

"She's everywhere," I whisper with a sad smile. "She's the feeling in the meadow, and the warmth of your bed, and the smile in your heart for no reason."

Edward nods because whatever I said, he understood. Just as he did for me.

And it goes like that sometimes.

Edward talks to his mom for a little while longer, but his is aloud.

"Isn't she pretty, mom? You always thought so. I don't know why it took me so fucking long to realize, but I'm sure you had something to do with it. I'm sorry if I ever disappointed you. I kind of fucked my life up for a while, but I'm good. We're good now. I miss you," he whispers, bending to touch her name etched into stone.

The ride home is quiet but peaceful. We hold each other in the absence of the most important women in our lives. Edward whispers silly, ridiculous things into my ear when he drops me off.

"Why?" I ask after he finally makes me laugh.

"I'll do anything to make you smile."

~!~

Graduation sneaks up on us so quickly I almost panic. I've been done with everything for so long, that I almost forget graduation is the last step.

So here we are, dressed in heels and dresses with our graduation cap and gown as we wait for the ceremony to start. In the gym, the four of us take pictures and talk to people and try to remember this is it. Forever. No more high school. No more Victoria. No more bullshit.

As we precede down the aisle and onto the stage, I try and forget no one's here for me. No mom. No dad. Nobody.

But when my name is read, Isabella Marie Swan, and I walk the stage, I hear shouts and yelps and claps louder than anyone else.

Half of that is my boyfriend in the front row on stage cheering me on. It's actually really sweet, but also really embarrassing. The principal gives him a look, but Edward couldn't care less. The other half is Edward's family—his dad, sister, brother in law—and Alice's dad as well.

All this time, all these years, all I've ever wanted was a family.

Turns out, I got one and more.

~!~

Moving day.

This is it.

We're loading up the U-haul and heading out. Edward and I are driving the moving truck while Alice and Jasper take their own cars. I passed my driving test a few weeks ago, but I tell Edward I'm absolutely not driving this huge truck in Seattle. He just laughs.

I started seeing that therapist two weeks ago, two times a week. Jasper tells me he's really proud of me, and it makes me cry.

The therapist suggest I write a letter to my dad even if I don't send it to him. So I do.

In fact, I write many letters and it turns out to be extremely cathartic.

June 15th

I hate you.

June 19th

Why didn't you just give me up for adoption when mom died. That would have been the best thing you could've done for either of us. I forgot though, you're so selfish.

I really hate you.

June 22nd

Were you like this when mom was alive and I just didn't notice, or did you hide your true self from her too? Why are you like this?

I hate you.

June 27th

My therapist told me these should be more productive. I should tell you my feelings and not just blame you, but how can't I? I had to raise my damn self because you certainly couldn't do it. Do you know what it's like to be fifteen and worry about the heat turning off in January? I do. Do you know what it's like sleeping with THREE locks on a door because you fear your father is going to beat you? I do.

You made me feel weak and powerless. I am neither of those things, Charlie. I am Renee's daughter. I am strong. I'm not you.

I hate you for making me feel pathetic.

You are the pathetic one.

July 1st

I'm moving today and you're wherever you are. You probably don't even think about me, why would you? I'm nothing to you. You've proven that over the years. I just wanted to let you know that I'm never coming back. The house is gone, and so am I. Thinking about you makes me so angry I wish I could—

"Hey, you okay?" Edward asks, reaching over to grip my thigh as he drives down the highway.

"Yeah," I tell him.

"Letters again?"

I nod.

"How's it going?"

I shrug my shoulders. It's hard for me to talk about it especially when I'm writing them.

"I love you," Edward says, squeezing my thigh as I get back to writing.

I wish I could change everything. I wish it was you who got cancer and died. Mom would never treat me like this. You've ruined everything.

I hate you because you're the worst father ever.

When I slam the book closed, I have to wipe the tears off my face. They're hot and angry and I'm disgusted that I'm wasting them on him.

Edward does what he does best, he comforts me. His words soften the hard edges of my bitter heart, and by the time we drive up to the duplex, excitement has replaced resentment.

The bed Edward bought me is getting deliver this afternoon, and it takes a lot longer to unload the U-haul truck than expected. We finish just before dinner, and nothing is even done.

Inside, we settle on the cheap sectional we bought recently, and I want to fall asleep.

"Hey dad we just finished unloading," he pauses and nods. "Yeah, a lot longer than expected. There's a lot of stairs," he jokes but I know my thighs will be feeling it tomorrow. "Okay yeah actually that'd be great," he says with a smile, looking over at me. "No problem. Love you too."

"What's that about?" I ask smiling back because it's so infectious.

"He told me to stay over this weekend. Help you guys out."

"Really?" I ask excitedly.

"I wanted to say I'm gonna help your pussy out, but figured that wouldn't go over so well," he jokes.

"No one's pussy is getting helped until we get all this shit in the right rooms," Jasper says, picking up two big boxes and carrying them into the dining room.

Another two hours and every box is where it should be. Alice and I started unpacking the living room. We don't have a whole lot, but there are two cute built ins that we place pictures on and other little things. The kitchen is easy because we have like 4 pans, a pot, and brand-new silverware.

We eat a pizza on the front porch and say hi to our neighbors around the block. It's pretty quiet, and they're pretty nice. Most are college kids, some are grad students, and there's a young family just down the street.

When it gets dark, and I'm sweating from the heat, we head upstairs so I can plug in the wall unit air conditioner I let Dr. Cullen buy for me.

"Oh my god this feels so good," I moan, sitting on my new bed, in front of my new air conditioner, in my new home.

"I thought I was the only one to make you say that," Edward jokes, pulling me down onto the mattress to lay with him.

I giggle as I say, "I guess your dad can, too."

Edward gasps in mock surprise and tickles my sides before settling in next to me. When we're sufficiently cooled down, I sit up and take inventory around the room. It's a pretty decent sized room, and Edward carried most of the boxes up himself… not that I have much.

I'm lucky enough to only have a few things to unpack. My clothes are still on the hangers, and I just threw a garbage bag over them so they'll be easy to hang up in the closet. I splurged and ordered a desk and computer chair from Amazon that'll be here tomorrow, so selfishly I'm glad Edward is staying so he can help put it together.

"I'm proud of you," he whispers into my hair after awhile.

"For what?"

"Being you."

~!~

After I'm unpacked, and the sweat has dried against our skin, we shower quickly before Alice and Jasper can sneak in. Edward watches as I shave quickly.

"I don't like hair," I tell him.

"Are you going to shave here?" he asks, a finger between my lips.

"I just did a two days ago."

He smirks as he rubs a little harder.

"Edward," I warn. "They're waiting for the shower."

"I want to christen it first."

There's a pounding on the door.

"Coming!" I yell.

"Yes she is!" Edward yells back.

More pounding and muffled voices sound as Edward slides two fingers in me. My legs shake from all-day-exertion, and now they have to hold me up.

"Better be quick," he says with a smile.

~!~

The next morning, Edward's up before the sun. I've come to find out his favorite time to be intimate is so freaking early in the morning.

To no surprise, he's grinding into me from behind, but I don't mind so I give it right back. His fingers dip between my folds, teasing me gently before he situates himself behind me and presses into my opening.

We've never done it like this before, and when he slides in, it hurts. The tightness at my opening burns, but he rubs my clit in slow, steady circles enough to loosen me up. My hips circle against him, and I'm on the brink already.

He stops, moving his hands to hold my forearm down as his thrusts become heavier. It's the kind of pleasure I could feel for hours. It's soft and hard at the same time. It's gentle but powerful enough to push me to the brink. And then he's rolling us so I'm on my knees, chest against the bed, ass in the air.

He moans at the site before plunging back in. Edward pleasures me for hours this morning, going round after round, and we don't stop until Alice knocks on the door. I'm on top, hand on his chest, hair sticking to sweat despite the air conditioner running.

I'm seconds from orgasming when her little voice says, "Knock knock!"

"Fuck off, Alice!" Edward roars.

"We want to go shopping. Hurry the fuck up!" she yells back.

I can't help but laugh, and Edward's serious face makes it even funnier.

"Bella, if you don't come right fucking now," he says, losing patience and holding my hips still so he can pound me from underneath.

I laugh through my orgasm because the situation is ridiculous. He rolls us over so I'm on the edge of the bed, he's standing, and my legs are spread. It's the perfect height for him to hit deliciously new spots.

When I gasp, he smirks. "It's not so funny anymore, is it?" he asks.

Edward plunges into me, using my body for pleasure. I come once more before he stills and spills inside of me.

He sighs and pulls out, watching the mess drip onto the hardwood.

"Get a towel!" I whisper yell, now afraid of what all Alice and Jasper have heard.

"They just heard you come on my dick like four times, baby. Don't be shy now." He throws on my robe and waltzes across the hall to the bathroom before cleaning me up.

Afterwards, we dress and walk downstairs.

Jasper's smirking and Alice is putting her shoes on.

"Now that you're finally done," Alice teases.

"Shit, Bella. I'm surprised you can even walk," Jasper jokes.

"Oh my god," I groan in embarrassment, walking out the front door.

~!~

I see Edward every weekend of July. His dad lets him stay with us until Sunday, and then I don't see him again until Friday which actually works because I'm trying to accumulate money before the semester starts, so I'm working forty hours a week at the library this summer.

And it's huge.

Like way, way bigger than the one in forks.

They let me work each floor to get a feel for it and then I'll fill in as needed.

The research lab is the worst. It's quiet and stuffy and so boring. There's another lady who works that floor too, and she doesn't even want to chat half the time. The children's floor is my favorite. I read stories and play with the kids when they ask. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, they offer lunch with a Disney princess.

The Thursday before school starts, they ask me to fill in as Belle.

"Uhm, what?" I ask my boss.

"There's a dress in the break room and you can use some of Mallory's makeup if you want. She keeps it in the locker next to the gowns. I just need you to smile and act, I don't know, princess-y."

I explain this to Edward, and he laughs. He actually laughs.

"It should come easy to you, baby. You've always been a princess."

Edward moved into his dorm last week and we're all scrambling to get books and stuff before the semester starts but not him. He's so relaxed and chilled and not a second of anxiety flits through him anymore. My therapist tells me she's seen a difference in the way I handle situations too. And I guess she's right. It's been a while since I've had a true anxiety attack.

"Well then maybe you should be my Prince Charming, Edward."

"Belle doesn't have a prince; she has a beast. I can be that no problem."

I roll my eyes as he and Jasper play video games on the couch.

"The Beast turns into the prince at the end, duh," Alice explains.

I could kiss her right now!

"I don't have Prince shit or I would, baby. You know that." His hand on my leg and the genuine eyes tells me it's the truth.

So on that Thursday, I let Alice doll me up. Fake lashes, stained lips, pinned hair, everything. My boss is taken aback. She smiles a laugh and nods.

"You look more like Belle than Mallory every did that's for sure."

When it's time to make my appearance, I enter the room and a dozen little girls smile and bounce up and down. I do my best impression, trying to be as regal and princess-y as I can. When I courtesy, the little girls and their moms all gasp.

Well damn, I didn't know I looked that good.

When I look up, they're all looking through me. Turning to see what's behind me, I gasp all the same. Behind me is a man in black pants and blue blazer jacket. His hair is slicked back and he's wearing the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

"Your prince," a little girl whispers, tugging on my gold gown.

"He certainly is," I whisper back.

After the lunch, when all the children have left, my coworkers stop by to meet the handsome, mysterious Prince.

My boss absolutely loves it. She wants to hire him to be the prince for all lunches, but he declines.

"Anytime Bella is the princess, absolutely. But I'm not a prince for any other princess," he explains, and it actually gives butterflies.

~!~

It's the night before classes start and Edward's with me. We're sitting on a blanket in the backyard surrounded by little wildflowers we planted in pots. It's nothing like our meadow, but that's okay. It's new and it's here and I love it.

His fingers trace shapes across my skin up to my throat where my mother's necklace sits delicately.

"Thank you," I whisper to Edward over the bird chirps above.

"I'm not sure what you're thanking me for, but you're welcome, Bella."

"For being patient. For understanding. For never pushing. For loving me."

He leans down and his lips settle against my ear.

"In that case, you're extra welcome, baby."

And in the final hours of summer, I can't help but think what a wild, crazy ride the last twelve months have been. What a wild, crazy ride my life has been. Edward listens as I talk about the newest entry into the journal I write for my dad. He doesn't say much but encourages everything. He's open and loving and whispers words of praise low enough that my soul can feel it.

I wonder what will happen in the future, but only briefly, because I want to live in the moment.

And this moment, with the flowers and my boyfriend and the life we've created, is the one I'll look back on when I'm fifty and reflect on all the good that's ever happened to me.

The sun sets, the birds sleep, and Edwards hold me against his skin, showing me love in every way he knows how.

The golden hue of love and light settles against us as the sun rises the next morning. And in this moment, I feel extraordinary.


The End... mostly.

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This story has been... something else. I've never written anything like it, and I wanted the challenge of writing a sort of unredeemable character like Edward. Some of you in the comments think he's still unredeemable, and that's okay. Let me know what you think. I love hearing how the characters affect you. I hope you've enjoyed Bella's journey as much as I have.

I'll see you in the epilogue!