Okay so I gotta say thank you to brucasfanatic, oth rox, ceciliaco20, and AgnesSophia. for being the fist to review my first tree hill fanfic . and im not sure if the dates are accurate exactly to the show 4 Brookes journal so bare wit me i just know that the year is about right.
January, 31 2004
Someone once said "Good girls are the ones who keep journals, the bad girls don't have the time" I was one of the bad girls, well at least until I met Lucas Scott, now I keep a journal. I don't know why but I am seriously falling for him, I mean mad crushed out. The problem with that is it scares me to death, I've never really really cared about anyone before the way I do him. I cant believe I've never met him before . That's one thing I hate about high school is its dumb ass clicks.
And for some reason I don't feel good enough for him. maybe I'm just being stupid, but he sees me for more than a stupid cheerleader slut and I don't have to act like a "slut" around him. He wants me for me and that's not something I can find in guys often. Peyton has been quite lately .
I don't want her to feel like a third wheel around me and Lucas and I don't know if she feels weird because she is the only one that is single or what. But I hope she can move pass whatever she is going through because I really want her Lucas to become friends(I know it sounds cheesy) I just want the two people I care about to get along and even though me and Lucas have only been dating for about two and a half weeks I think that Lucas is someone I can actually love and that is something I'm not sure I'm ready for or will ever be ready for.
-Brooke
Lucas
sat reading the words that revealed the truth of how Brooke really
felt about him, the truth was when they first started going out he
felt Brooke only wanted him because he was the newest member of the
"popular click".
After realizing how she felt Lucas felt a million times worse knowing that he would soon be reading how he hurt her.
He was about to read on when he saw a blonde , skinny figure standing in front of him, of course it was no one other then Peyton Sawyer he wondered how she was doing but was to involved in his own pain these days to care about anything or anyone else.
"Hey Lucas, I'm sorry I didn't know you were here.If you want I can leave."
"No, I
was just reading, I was gonna call you and see how you were but I've
been so out of it an-"
"Don't worry about it, What you
got their?"
she said referring to the box that had BROOKE in big bold black letter written on it
.
"Its
just some of Brookes things her mom gave me, diaries , pictures. Just
all things Brooke I guess." Lucas said looking at Peyton he
could see that she was just as broken up as he was.
"Here I think you should have this"
Lucas pulled out a pink book that was decored pure Brooke Davis style, when Peyton opened it was Brookes handwriting and in script it said B.F.F forever P&B inside it was pictures, ticket stubs and everything you could think of that had to do with Peyton and Brooke it was like opening up a time vault and looking straight into their past, their whole friendship. Peyton knew that Brooke liked scrapbooking but she didn't know she saved everything from their friendship.
"Are you okay Peyton?"
Lucas said looking at Peytons face, there was a moment of silence until Peyton started breaking down
"Lucas I'm sorry if I had looked back and made sure she was behind me none of this would've happened. Now I don't know what to do , she's gone and I've gut no one, I need Brooke and I know you do to but she's been their everyday as far as I can remember and I'm sorry because I know if I would've made sure she was with me and was out of that school she would be alive today."
Peyton said letting Lucas embrace her in a hug "
Its not your fault, if its anyone fault , its mine or the person who unleashed the time capsule. You cant blame yourself ok?" Peyton just nodded her head letting the tears fall down her face freely.
"I better get going , thank you so much for this Lucas" He nodded and gave her a weak as she walked off.
Lucas decided to read one more entry before going home.He flipped through the book and landed on a random page .
Feb. 29, 2004
Amazing what a difference a month makes, if you would asked me last month to describe in two words my life , I wouldve given you two names Lucas and Peyton but now they arent even two names I ever even want to hear again after what they did and Peyton had the nerve to ask how I was today. How am I? is she serious? I feel like Lucas tore my chest open and Peyton tore my heart out while it was still beating and while I was still alive.
Thats how I feel . BETRAYED, PISSED, and right now i dont even know if i wanna live, i mean what do i have to live for . Does she know how I feeel do either or them? No and all they can say is "Im so sorry" . "WE didnt mean to hurt you" Well i hope their happy together because weather they meant it or not it hurts all the same. I opened my heart to guy for once and what does he do he stabs it . All guys are the same CHEATERS! I actually thought Lucas was differnt , but he was, he still is. the promble is he still has my heart because i Fell in love with him. Did peyton? It doesnt even matter because from now on my heart is nailed shut and i dont see it opening anytime soon again.
-Brooke
Reading how he hurt her and how she felt, killed lucas and he could kill himself for hurting her that much, Lucas decided that he had enough reading for one night and since it was getting dark he should start walking home.
On the walk home he realized how his life would be different without Brooke around, these past days had been like Brooke was on vacation but he started to think about how she would never be here again ever, those last few seconds of holding her in his arms at the school as her blood drained from her taking Brookes life with it, were the last seconds he will ever have with her again,.
Lucas started to really feel the effect of his thoughts and he could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. Brooke was gone and he finally realizing that she wasn't coming back. Walking up to the house he noticed that the lights weren't on assumed that his mother and Keith were probably still at the cafe.
Walking in the house he noticed Brookes favorite black leather jacket on the chair and he thought that maybe it was all some sick trick and she was gonna pop out of the room and told him he go punkd .The truth was he was waiting for days to see the camera crew come and tell him he was punkd he wanted nothing more, but he realized that the night before the shooting Brooke had come over and left her jacket at his house.
She was suppose to come over after school to get it, before Lucas could breakdown the phone rang , running to it he answered it , his voice almost cracking and breaking down as he said hello, but the voice on the other end was one he hadn't heard before and he hoped it wasn't someone from tree hill who had heard what happened , got his name out of a phone book and was calling to say how sorry they were.
"Hello, may I speak to Lucas Scott please?"
"This is him" Lucas said rolling his eyes praying the next words weren't I'm sorry for you're loss, blah, blah, blah...
"oh, I'm Dr. Koslow, I was the one who conducted the Brooke Davis autopsy and as I understand you were her boyfriend?" Lucas was wondering what she wanted.
"Yes, I am . I don't understand I mean I don't know why she would need an autopsy, she was clearly shot" He said confused of what this was all about
"I know ,but its something we have to do to make sure it was just a gun shot wound and nothing else, anyway thats not whatI am calling for .Lucas did you know that Brooke was pregnant?"
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okay so thats chapater 3(i noe, not the best) more of brookes journal coming up! please review, did u like it ,hate it?
