Chapter 2

Thoughts from Lorelai after she walked away

Thanks for your reviews! Everyone has their own version of how they want this to go, but I don't really know if it can turn out for the good.

Her heart was pounding, and she couldn't get it to stop. She was also shaking, and thought that she just might fall to the ground. It must be the adrenaline rush. She had needed this fight out for a long time. And it had taken a lot of strength to go up to him like that; it had taken everything inside of her. And through that, she had lost everything. When she had walked into the diner, she was on a mission. She was going to make him understand- take his shoulders into her hands and shake him if that was what it took, to force understanding of how much this had been hurting her. "I just can't jump like that" was his answer to all of it. Wow. Those words hit her hard. What happened to "I am all in"? Doesn't that mean jumping? Doing anything for that other person? When you find out that you are hurting that other person, doing anything to fix it? Her heart said no. Her heart said that it was over; there was no fixing this if he wouldn't help. Walking away had been really hard. Longing for a touch on the arm to tell her that he had come after her, or hear footsteps, or at least hear him call after her. But nothing. He had been serious; he was out. And you can't change the feelings of another. She had honestly expected him to drop everything and run away with her. Thought that he wouldn't have even hesitated. But then again, she thought that he loved her, and would leave everything for her. When had his heart changed? When had she become less then everything to him? She couldn't believe that she had had the courage to walk away. She could still feel his gaze on her back, and she desperately wanted to hear footsteps- but there was nothing.

Now, her heart had changed. She was out. And she was out for good. After saying what he said, there was no going back to him. No fixing this hurt. She had suddenly seen in him, something that she couldn't ever live with anyways. She couldn't put her finger on a name for it, but suddenly putting her aside because he was in shock was the just of it. He should have leaned on her from the start. That was what she was there for; to lean on through the hard things in life. The fact that he couldn't do that meant that there would always be a void there, and she didn't want that with the man that was meant for her. She wanted nothing between them. Luke couldn't give her that, and she knew that now.

The truth and finality of all being over hadn't quite hit her yet. The adrenaline rush wasn't done coursing through her body yet. She was still on a high, a high from finally getting everything out at Luke, and finally making him see how much he had hurt her. She hadn't realized it, but she had been secretly coveting the things that she could hold against him. She could hurt him with those things….because of how much he had hurt her. It was slowly hitting her, but it was the freedom that hit her heart before the overwhelming devastation. She felt like she could breathe…like there was a whole lot more air around her to live in. She had spent her life lately sneaking around and hiding from Luke, but no more. Her life was hers again. She also felt some relief; the hurt of losing him forever wasn't as bad as the hurt from him slowly killing her with cutting her out of his life. It really had been killing her. She hadn't really known that- it had just snuck up on her, but now that that was gone, she felt alive again.

The walk to her house seemed longer then normal. Much much longer; like it would never end. She didn't really know if she wanted to go there- if Luke was going to come after her, he would stake out her house and the inn. But her mind was fuzzy, and she couldn't really think of anywhere else to go. As she walked up the steps to her house, she felt very tired, and knew that the hurt was sinking in. She had lost everything in one devastating swoop. She was knocked off of her feet, and had no idea if she would be able to get back up. A kooky psychologist had talked her into going to Luke and demanding action. Had that really been wise? Had she just gotten caught up in the hope for something different and ruined something that was still meant to be? But her heart knew that it had been time to confront him. It would just take a long time to heal from this hurt, and she wasn't sure at that moment if she could ever love again. As she opened her front door, Luke memories flooded her heart and mind. And she sobbed. Fell on the ground at her front door, and sobbed. Her best friend, lover, and maker of her beloved coffee, was gone. And she wasn't getting him back. She had just cut him completely out of her life. A million thoughts ran through her mind, as she sobbed on the ground.

After an hour or so she stood up. She wasn't done crying for good, but she was for the moment. She had to get out of here. Suddenly everything in her house made her sick to her stomach, and she ran out of there with only her keys in her hand.

She didn't even think about anything, including the consequences of her actions. She only knew that she was hurt, and Chris had always been a temporary fix for her. They had a very 'in-the-moment' kind of relationship, and they always had. The instant the door was opened; she had gone in and kissed him. There was no small talk, she needed him to fix this, and he had never refused her.

It was only the next morning- with GiGi breaking into the room, that the reality of what she did, along with everything else from last night hit her once again. She was appalled at herself. She always went to Chris. Why?

Next I was thinking that Emily would be a good person to touch on…..if anyone would be happy, it would be her…. And I don't know how to end it. Help would be awesome.