Chapter 4

I don't own Gilmore Girls!

Thanks for the reviews! This one has been pretty fun to write. There is a lot to overcome, and I don't know how to fix it all…….but I will try. And Luke and Lorelai will be getting back together. I was just so angry at first, that I didn't see any hope at all. But now I have found some.

Lorelai walked outside, and the cold air hit her harder then she expected. It was like when you had a cold and any little touch hurt or at least was felt harsher then it was intended. She pulled Christopher's coat around her a little tighter and walked just a little faster. She felt dirty and gross, and wanted to relieve her mind of everything. She had just walked away from everything important to her, and she was still trying to grasp what had happened. It was the morning after. So much had happened the night before, her head was reeling. She wanted to put her head between her legs, shut her eyes and scream at the entire world. On her walk, she thought about everything there was to think about. But the reasons why still alluded her. She had no idea where she was going, but she just walked. Not knowing Boston at all, she didn't want to get lost. So she walked around in a circle around Chris's apartment several times. It was like her life, around and around in circles. How many times had she gone to Christopher when she was hurting? After every single relationship that had ever gone bad- but this was all of them. She wondered where her mind had been lately. She had been on a huge rollercoaster for a couple of weeks now….why was that? She had been mad, sad, and everything else in huge swings. That was how she had gotten the nerve to tell Luke off the night before. Why had she done that? What had possessed her to have such mood swings? Was it really just stress?

After hanging up with Rory, Luke just sat there staring at the phone. He was willing it to ring- and for it to be Lorelai. But it didn't, and he couldn't just stand there all day. Where could she have gone? He had no idea. He would just have to wait around to Rory to call. He didn't have any idea where he wanted to go to wait for her. He really didn't want to stay here, and he didn't want to go to the diner- but that didn't leave anywhere else to go. This was going to drive him crazy. He could not figure out a way to make this better, and that was who he was. A person that liked to make everything better. But this time it was him that hurt it, and he didn't know how to fix this. And right there, in Lorelai's bedroom Luke fell apart all over again. He cried because he didn't know how to fix this, because he couldn't find the love of his life, because his world had fallen apart the night before.

Rory was desperately running through the hallways at Yale trying to get to her car. But every single person she knew wanted her attention when they saw her. She waved them all off, except the last one, Paris had never been able to get hints like that. "Where are you going Gilmore?" she asked with her arm stretched out so that Rory couldn't run past her.

"Paris, I just need to go. Please! I will explain later I promise, but I need to get somewhere." Rory begged breathlessly.

"No, you aren't going anywhere until you tell me what's going on,"

Rory saw no hope of getting past her without an explanation, so she relented. "Luke just called me, and he can't find my mother." She started, saying it all out loud wasn't easy and her eyes got teary. "They broke up last night, and mom tends to run after things like that, so I am going to Stars Hollow to help find her."

Paris knew this was bad, and truly Paris did try to be a good friend, at least most of the time…."I'll take you."

"No Paris its fine just- can I go now?"

"Yeah, only if you take me. And before you argue, the way you were running through here a minute ago doesn't help your case that you are fit to drive right now. Your mother doesn't need a dead daughter to come home to."

Rory sighed and handed her the keys, it would be nice not to drive right now, and they walked out to the car together.

When Liz and TJ drove into Stars Hollow they were surprised at what they saw. Everyone in town was talking quietly in tight circles. Normally people were pretty open with their news, so this was interesting to Liz.

Getting out of the car, by the diner, she noticed that Luke wasn't in there. Now she was worried and grabbed TJ's hand and hurried into the diner. She barged in, and yelled for Caesar.

"What is it?" he came out of the kitchen yelling.

"Where is Luke?" she asked. She was trying to be calm, but she was worried about her brother.

"He didn't say, he just said he couldn't come in." Caesar said a little defensively. "Wait, let me go check the caller ID." He said when he thought of it. He took the phone off the wall and went through the calls. Luke's was way earlier that morning, so there was a lot to go through. "He called from Lorelai's house." He said a little surprised. Talking to himself he said, "I thought that they had a fight last night……..I wouldn't really think that he would be over there."

"They had a fight?" she asked and without waiting for an answer, and she ran out of the house. Her brother would be pretty upset if he and Lorelai had had a fight. She ran the couple of blocks to Lorelai's and was out of breath when she saw it. Her jeep wasn't there, and no lights were on. But as she got closer she saw that the front door was wide open. Silently and timidly she walked into the house. She could hear someone crying upstairs, and so she went up the stairs. On Lorelai's bed, Luke was sobbing, his back turned to her. She walked in a little farther and sat on the bed, she had never seen Luke cry. Thinking about it, she realized that he probably had cried every time she left to make bad, stupid choices, she had just left too soon to see his tears. She owed him then- which she already knew. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he leaped off the bed.

He hadn't heard anyone come in, and if it was anyone he would have though it was Rory or Lorelai. He was very surprised to see his sister. She had never seen him cry, and he would have preferred to keep it that way. He was her protector, and he didn't want her to see him weak. He was really embarrassed. "I- uh. Lore- and me… What are you doing here?" he didn't even know that she knew where Lorelai lived.

"I came to see you, with TJ. We went into the diner and Caesar said you weren't there. The whole town is acting weirdly, and he said that you didn't come into work today. I was worried about you big brother. What is going on?"

"Lorelai and I had a little. Well, it was really a big- we had a misunderstanding last night, and she hasn't come home." He answered not really sure that he wanted to share all of it with his sister.

"Wow, Luke. I'm- so sorry. You want to tell me what it was about?" she asked, taking his hand in hers.

He sighed; there was no reason not to tell her, he was just used to her being in trouble and needing him, not the other way around. "I don't know. It- it's probably all my fault….I just can't figure this out. She has been so- vacant lately, and….I guess that I should have questioned it all more, but I didn't. She kept telling me that everything was okay….for months now she has."

"So this is all about your new kid?" Liz asked him.

"Yeah, I guess it is. I didn't know how to mix my life with April and my life with Lorelai, so I didn't. It was just- easier.

"You did tell her about April, right?"

"No. She found out. April was sitting in the diner one day, and Lorelai came in. April, not knowing that it was a secret, told her that I was her dad, and Lorelai freaked. She had every right to freak…. She said she needed time, and then a couple of days later told me how she felt, and I thought that everything was okay. Things got crazy, and I told Lorelai that, and she offered to postpone the wedding, and everything was okay. Around Valentine's Day she needed reassurance that we really would be getting married. I told her that I really did want to get married; I just wanted to figure things out for awhile. I though that she understood at that point. You know, thinking about it though, she grew more distance right after that. And lately, well I hadn't been able to even get a hold of her for days until last night. She's been canceling dates and not coming in for coffee…. I just don't get it."

Liz thought about what a guy Luke was. It was so like men to not see things like this. "Luke," she started slowly, "being left out of your life like that, wasn't at all fair to Lorelai. She probably felt worthless to you. You took your need for her away, and gave it to your daughter. You didn't mean to, but you told her you didn't need her anymore Luke. That is what your 'separate worlds' thing has meant to her. She has always needed to feel needed, all girls do. You haven't needed her much lately. Postponing the wedding did that too. You took her place in your life away from her. She wanted to be important enough to you, to get to meet her, get to know her, be in both of your lives. Instead you pushed her away, and told her you didn't need her anymore." Liz looked at her brother, who was heartbroken over what he had done to Lorelai.

"I- I never. That isn't what I was thinking or feeling." And the thought of hurting her like that, hurting her right in the center of all of her insecurities, killed him, and he leaned on Liz and cried. Through all of this, he had thought about what Lorelai was feeling through his own. And that obviously hadn't worked at all. Oh, he knew that she was hurt and frustrated. But he didn't know that his words and actions had hit her right in the center of all of her insecurities. He had killed her inside. He truly did deserve to lose her, he hadn't thought that he deserved to be yelled at last night, but he had. Her pride had allowed her to beg him for the relationship back one last time. And he had straight out told her no. How could he possibly have told her no? He had been upset since last night, but knowing that it was all his fault made it much worse.

Rory decided to try her mom's cell one more time. She silently begged her mother to answer.

"Hello?" Lorelai's voice sounded a little too cheerful- but at least it was there. She was alive, and about to hear her mother's side of the story.

"Mom! I have been trying to find you! Luke called me and said that you weren't in town. You didn't come home last night, after- well after whatever it was that you guys had last night." She had said Luke's name cautiously, knowing that it would hurt her mother to hear his name.

"I'm sorry Rory…. It was a long night. And Luke had no right to call you like that." She choked on his name, but didn't want to sound upset to her daughter. "I'm find Rory, really."

"Yeah whatever. Where are you? Can I come to see you?"

"Um- well Rory. See- Luke and I had a, thing last night."

"I heard about it a little from, Luke. But I was more worried about where you had gotten to then hearing the details. Where are you? Let's talk in person."

"See that's thing Rory…..I'm- I'm at Christopher's." she cringed waiting for Rory's reaction.

Rory tried to keep her voice calm, but she was horrified. "You went to dad?" was all that she could get out. "Is that what your fight was about last night- or…"

"No, no. That was- well stupidity really. But I went to Chris after Luke and my- thing." She hated the fact that she ran to Christopher and hated talking about it.

"Mom, um……wow. Where are you right now? Are you in Boston?"

"Yeah, I went out for a walk, but I am heading back to his apartment. I think that I am ready to come home- if, you'll be there."

"Yeah, I am on my way right now, with Paris- she's driving. And I will meet you there, where though? Luke is at your house."

"He's at my house, why?"

"Because he loves you, and was worried when you didn't come home!" sounding like it should be very obvious why Luke was worried. "Mom-"she really needed to hear that she didn't ruin any chance to get back together with Luke by sleeping with Rory's father. "you, and dad. You- um, didn't…mom this was like the tequila night right? Completely innocent?" When she heard her mother start to cry, she knew they were in trouble. Luke would be beyond angry. He probably wouldn't take her back now……but she still didn't know what had been said the night before…..so she just comforted her mother. "Mom, it's okay. It's going to be okay."

"No Rory, it really can't be okay now. I've ruined everything…."

Wanting to get her mother to her as quickly as she was able, she tried to get Lorelai's mind off of that. "Mom, just come home. I want to hear all about this, and we'll figure everything out. Just head home. Please."

"Okay, I will be home in about an hour. Will you- get rid of Luke for me. I am so not ready to face him."

"Sure, he will be gone by the time you get here. Just hurry home please. I'm worried about you."

With that Lorelai walked back up the stairs to Chris's apartment. She had a lot to say to Christopher, and took a deep breath before the explosion came out of her.

When she was done, she grabbed everything that she could see that was hers, and walked out. She knew that he wouldn't understand, he really never did. But at least she had told him everything that was on her heart to tell him. And then she left, just walked out on him. Got into her car, and pointed herself home, back to Stars Hollow to pick up the pieces from the night before.

When Rory got to the house, she ran the stairs and was very surprised to see Liz there. Paris ran to the store to get some comfort food, while Rory got rid of Luke. Luke was a mess, it looked like he and Liz had been sitting there for quite sometime. "Um, Luke?" she said as she walked into the room.

"Rory!" he said, and jumped off the bed. "Good, you're here." He said, he was trying to wipe his eyes and look like everything was perfect at the same time, and it almost made Rory laugh. Luke then thought to ask, "Did you get a hold of your mother?"

"Yeah, I did." And she looked down. Telling him that Lorelai didn't really want to see him right now might hurt a little, and she didn't want to hurt Luke. "She's coming home-."

"Great!" he said with relief. She was coming home, they could talk about everything and it would all work out. They could be alright again by tonight.

"She's headed here, and-. And she asked me get rid of you." She hated the sadness in his eyes, "She's just not ready to see you yet Luke."

"Okay," and started fixing her bed up. Then he looked up and looked Rory right in the eyes and said, "Please tell me when she's ready to talk Rory. I have to talk to her. I have- A lot to say to her."

She nodded back as Luke and Liz left the house. She sighed at how much Luke was hurting. She truly hoped that everything could be fixed. She just didn't know. She hadn't even heard what happened yet. So she had to be patient.